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Could You Date Someone That Was Bisexual? (Can’t Trust It)

Posted by NWSO • April 8, 2010 • Printer-friendly

Dear NWSO,

I recently came out to the man I'm in love with. It was dishonest of me to not tell him that I'm bi. We've known each other for over a year and what we have is genuine. We're not in a committed relationship just yet but before we take it there I found the courage to finally tell him, because I love and respect him very much.

He's the only person I've ever told. The first time the words "I'm bi" even rolled off my lips I damn near had a panic attack. I’m married (separated and the divorce is now processing) and it never even a consideration for me to share that with my husband. It never crossed my mind because I KNEW he wouldn't be able to handle it.

But with this guy I've never felt like I had so much to lose. For me to even tell my current was a big damn deal for me. He means so much. After the initial shock and the "F*ck you's" and "Why," he said with all the other risks involved in our relationships he'll basically just add this to the list and hope we can survive through it. I just hope we can get comfortable with it and move forward.

I've never told anyone so there are plenty of things that I have to consider or watch. I can’t say I'm going out with my girls and I might stay over anymore or that I'm going out of town with my girls. Even though (as far as I know) none of my friends are bi/lesbian. I don't even think of them in that way, and I probably will never "come out" to them because it would be entirely too damn weird. I can only imagine the things going through his mind when I even reference one of my female friends now. Will he ever be comfortable enough for me to do the things that normal hetero women do?

Dear Bi Girl,

The fact that you could never tell your ex husband was probably a very big part of the marriage not working out. I say that because, ideally, the person you're married to is someone you're supposed to be able to share everything and be most honest with. So if you couldn't do that then perhaps he wasn't the right one in the first place. (Guess that's kind of a moot point now anyway lol). I’ll assume you never cheated on your husband with a man or woman. If so, either would probably be another big problem in the relationship.

Now I'm not sure how old you were when you got married, figured out you were bi or how old are you are now, but with age you probably got more comfortable with yourself. You may have been a woman biologically for years, but the older you get the more comfortable we become with our sexuality. So telling your current BF may be a mixture of being more in tune with your sexuality and his understanding.

As for your main question about appeasing his insecurities, that's a bit trickier. Mainly because those are his insecurities not yours. Actually, the more I think about your "problem" the less of a problem I see.

I'm not bi or gay and haven’t dealt with anyone in either category, but I assume at the core of any such relationship it's pretty much the same as a hetero relationship. Okay, you're bi and are attracted to both men and women alike. Say you were straight and wanted to hang with a male friend that was strictly platonic; how would your man react/feel? If it's just a friend and he trusts you (and knows the friend) then he should be cool.

The same should go for you being bi and hanging with your female friends. Just because you're bi doesn't mean you're a walking orgy magnet humping and getting poked by everything in sight. He has to realize that and if not then he's just the jealous type. Again, that would be his problem not yours. Unless you're giving him cause to be suspicious about your "girlfriends."

Sure, it's a little trickier because he doesn't know who he's competing with for your affection, but as with any relationship if you're truly committed to him and he feels that he should have no worries about you straying with the next man or woman.

As for your friends, at the end of the day; is it really their business that you swing both ways? Unless you're pursuing a relationship with them, which you say you're not, then the sex of who you choose to sleep with should be none of their concern. If they're truly your friends it really shouldn't matter. Just as with your BF it may make for a few awkward moments in the girl’s room but as long as you're not scoping them out like a thirsty guy or making unwanted passes I figure you'll be fine.

Good luck.

Do you believe that not being able to be completely honest with your partner is a sign that there are problems in the relationship? Could you date someone that was bisexual? Would you be able to trust him/her when they hung out with friends of the same sex? Would you feel like he/she would always secretly desire to be with someone of the same sex? Would you feel comfortable hanging around a friend who came out as bisexual or gay? Do you feel that people become more in tune with their sexuality as they get older?

Speak your piece…

UPDATE: "Does My Boyfriend Like Boys, Pt. 1" by SocialLicks.com

Tagged as: bisexual, Marriage/Love, same sex, trust

channa

Me being a female aint no way in hell i will be able to date a guy who's into both male and female, that's just plain nasty
lola289

I think its different with a woman w/ a bi man... I just can't be dealing w/ a dude liking both sexes. Too much stress! lol!

Theres just too many STDs around...
msz. lonel girl

I have that shirt above lol

AnD @lola there's too many stds going around with straight people

Bisexual people are capable of being in monogamous relationship so there's no need for all this extra mistrust I think most people that being with a bi person that they have to compete with not one but both sexes

A lot of people asked me since I'm bi would I consider going out with a bi male and I would as long as we protect ourselves and is safe and talk about the type of relationship we want I don't see the problem with it
Malia

Well you're definitely going to find more women willing to be with a bisexual woman than vice versa. And since I AM a woman, I would not be with a bisexual man. Or even a man who has had sex with a man who doesn't consider himself bisexual.
Elle

I agree with what the ladies have said thus far: I think it is much harder for women to get over the fact that their man is bi.

I'm sorry. I simply couldn't do it. I would always have these mental pictures in my head of my beau getting poked in the behind by some Village People look-a-like. Cliché - I know but I couldn't help it. And at that point, the relationship would be doomed. My trust would be out of the window and I would start seeing things where there really is nothing.

Being as straight as they come, I have a hard time understanding the bi-concept. Homosexuality is something I can understand and have no problem with. If one or more of my friends were gay/lesbian I'd love them no less. Who cares about what they do in the bedroom.
But bi-sexuality is something I cannot wrap my mind around. Not sure why. I guess I'm closed minded. I just don't see how or why somebody can't choose a side. How can you be sexually attracted to both? *shrugs* I don't know. I just don't get it. If I'm into men, I'm into men. If I'm into women, I'm into women. These concepts are so different that I don't see how anyone could combine them and be equally attracted to both.

But: I do not have to understand everything. I am a firm believer of "live and let live". So whatever floats their boat. My friends can do everything that makes them happy and I will not think any less of them.
However, MY guy? Nope. If he cannot make a choice, I will gladly make that choice for him and leave.
anominous

Choose a side? Like in a war? Nice, i think thats the motivation behind all those Christian sects trying to "convert" gays. Choose the right path, son, or end up alone in hell. Amen.
Choice isn't an issue in sexual orientation. The only choice is who you want to be with, and whether one is straight or bi won't belittle the conviction behind that choice.
Honestly, its only thanks to the porn industry that bi women are so accepted by men. Maybe chicks should watch more porn.
DC Man With a Plan

I guess there is a great tendency to be more suspicious of what motivates persons who are Bi, just bcuz it's "different" and we always treat ppl that are different with more caution than those in the "normal" range and that is the case whether we're talking ethnicity, gender, religion, intelligence and on and on and on.......So a Bi woman would cause more suspicion though there is an expectation that MOST men will find it intriguing bcuz of the fantasy of a threesome. I would wonder what it means to be Bi and WHY it is important for me to know that about MY potential woman. On the one hand honesty is great, but unless WE see the possibility of getting into a serious monogamous relationship--I'm all for some secrets from your past remaining part of your past. NOW IF you think there is a chance I could "hear about " your secret, and react negatively, then you need to spill those beans but it's a tough judgment call. The fact that you have dated and possibly loved women means nothing to me UNLESS you're unsure of who you want to be with or think there may be gossip going around town about you. I only wanna know a glimmer of your past bcuz: (1) I think ppl almost automatically edit their past to a "PG" version of what they've done and how wild they've been--so spare me the B/S; (2) UNLESS you were born a man OR have been a hooker/ stripper, I'm really not interested in micro-analyzing your past.
And wisdom does come with age....unless you're REALLY determined to be STUPID 4eva!!!
http://1intuitive1.blogspot.com Aurora

Do you believe that not being able to be completely honest with your partner is a sign that there are problems in the relationship?

Absolutely. If you're willing to lie about one thing that big, there chances are you're a liar about other things too.
Either way, dishnoesty, deception, manipulation and secrets by ommission is okay with her.
RED FLAG!

Could you date someone that was bisexual?

Nope. Don't want to risk getting HIV. If my guy wanted anal sex, I'd be willing to try a strap-on on him. After all, I like anal. I can understand enjoying the sensations.
If it went beyond that though, no way.
More is involved in terms of psychology and attitude that I want to deal with.

Would you be able to trust him/her when they hung out with friends of the same sex?

Not likely.

Would you feel like he/she would always secretly desire to be with someone of the same sex?

Probably. And that would make me uncomofrtable. Hard enough as it is to find someone monogamous, why stack the deck with additional risk?

Would you feel comfortable hanging around a friend who came out as bisexual or gay?

Couldn't care less if they were a platonic friend.
Just don't act like you desreve special privledges in life because of what you like to do in bed.

The whole concept of 'coming out' repels me to a degree. I differentiate that between priivately telling a potential partner what your interest are, btw.
After all, I don't walk around and say, I like erotic spankings while wearing sheer black thigh high stockings.
Now can I have health care for me and my mate who likes to give them?

Do you feel that people become more in tune with their sexuality as they get older?

Depends on the person and how aware they are, how much they are willing to learn, and how important it is to them.
Rastaman

Trust and honesty are the building blocks of any solid relationship. Being dishonest or deceptive are cracks in that foundation. Cracks are an opportunity for distrust and discourse to seep in. Too often people in relationships makes unilateral decisions about important aspect of their lives not being important to their partners. That kind of thinking is flawed because its often not the information that undermines the relationship its the dishonesty.

The LTR deception about her sexuality is but a symptom of the real problems. Its an highly flameable secret but her deception belies so much more about how she views her partnerships.

Dating a bi-sexual is like driving a convertible in my mind. Their bi-sexuality is a feature of the person like a convertible top. Its is no reflection of the actual person. Like any car if its not running well what difference if the top comes down. I know I have been there.

There is no doubt you become more in tuned with your sexuality as you grow older. You come into your own and start to become comfortable with the acts that turn you on. Some of us have regular more widely accepted fetishes and others are not. Over time some of these things change.

I believe our fears of bi-sexuality is that the person has the option of cheating twice as much as a regular person. But that is if you believe cheating is about sex and not about loyalty and trust.
Scorpio Temptress

With all the STD's running around you now have to worry about your partner contracting from a woman or a man if your partner is bi sexual....

and for the record I am friends with lots of bi sexual women because who you do in your bedroom is none of my business so whatevs but I know for a fact lots of lesbians have herpes. with all that licking and sucking on each other and I hardly doubt they are using dental dam! With that being said having lots of gay friends and acquaintances I know they are not more capable of monogamous relationships than straight ppl its really about the person and not the sexual orientation a cheater is a cheater gay straight or bi

. Most guys I know that have dated these bi sexual woman go into the relationship with the male fantasy of the threesome but then end up leaving because once feelings and emotions are involved they don't want to see their woman with anyone else male or female and now not only do they have to worry about the male population they have to worry about females too and its not always attractive feminine girls sometimes its the butch looking ones too and men really can't handle that.

so to each his own but I definetly would not date a bi sexual person if I was a male and damn sure don't want to date a bi sexual man nothing is sexy about man on man activity its really grosses me out.
Shequita

Reading these comments makes me realize that their is STILL plain ole fashioned ignorance in this world. For one thing, why in the heck would STD's have anything to do with this post? Bisexuals/gays are not hoes and there no more or less promiscuous than the regular hetero! I didn't read anywhere in the note, that she plans on seeing every tom dyck, pucci and hairy! Relationships are hard in the first place and this would add more stress to the relationship. But at the end of the day, honesty is best. If you plan on having a serious relationship than that person needs to know all about you.
Shequita

I meant to say "Harry" not hairy.....lol Freudian Slip!!
Shequita

Bisexuality=Promiscuity .......thats basically what some of you are saying.
Sherell

@Elle
Your village people comment is too funny!!!! I LOL in my office. But is is so true.

I say HELL TO THE NO!!!!

Also, men in general have higher sex drives so factor in both sexes and it is too much. Plus HIV AIDS transmission is higher in sex between men.
b.better

First LMAO @ "Dear Bi Girl"

I couldn't date someone that was bi, I know me and I would never trust them. I'd always be questioning if they are sleeping with their friends or if they are truely gay. Plus it would be weird kissing on my man knowing he sucked someone else's dick...that alone would f*ck my mind up.

I do agree that not being honest with your partner can ruin your relationship, but I also think not being honest with yourself is what also can harm your relationship. I don't really think as we get older we are in tuned to our sexuality. I think that we live in this overly exposed sexually driven world so "sex" is in our faces ALL the time.
b.better

@Sherell

please don't be so close minded and believe that HIV and AIDs is only higher for men on men transmission. Women have the highest leading cases of HIV and AIDs in the world so please inform yourself sista and don't be blind to taboo.
That Guy

I'm not knoocking those saying you couldnt date a guy thats bi because of STD's.. but straight dudes with multiple partners get them too #justsaying..

I think Elle was the most honest in saying its due to the mental images, and I'll add the point that (most) women aren't good with sharing (anything) period, be it hetero or bi...

Personally, I could "date" a bi chick (porbably have and didnt know it) but not seriously because I'm about manogomy in the end, but experiences are just that to me, experiences..

back to the regularly scheduled programming
Allie Cat

I would be able to deal with someone that told me he's bi. Hell I more than likely have already dealt with someone that was bi and just didn't know it.

As long as the person is honest, I can deal with it.

And for all the folks talking about HIV, it's more spread amongst hetro relationships than homo.
Sherell

@ b. better I am refering to the ability to contract the disease. Which is very different then actual rates. Multiple studies have shown that for various reasons HIV AIDs transmits easier from a man to a woman as opposed to from a woman to a man.

Don't just go by headlines read the actual study findings and research which is what I do!!!

Secondly because of this very reason, women have higher rates!!!
my 2 cents

@Shequita Thank you so much for saying that. As I am reading these post most of you are saying the only reason you would not date a bi person is due to STD's. HELLO straight people have just as many STD's and are spreading them just as rapidly.

I think this situation is more about honesty than anything. Had she told him in the beginning of the relationship he would have been able to choose weather or not he wanted to stay around and get feelings involved. Now that his feelings are involved he feels betrayed and who wouldn't. I think we need to grow up and really look at the really problem instead of just saying "bi-sexual" how nasty!! And to keep it real it is a fact that a lot of women have thought about being with another women. And men have thought about it to. If not we would not have such a down low epidemic!!
Sherell

For me its not an issue of disease and/or infidelity but more an issue of preference. I respect everyones sexual preference(s) but my preference is to not date a man that has sex with and is attracted to men.
studyyourlesson

yo i think the inequity here is disgusting. women seem to have an easier time being open bisexual then men. i think society makes it so that bisexual men have to be secretive, not the bisexuality itself.

idk. y does a man's being bisexual mean he is "confused", a cheater, prominscuous, all those things. i think there is ALOT more of this going around than people want to admit, and we should just learn to look the thing in the face and stop ostracizing people, cause obviously, that shit ain't workin.
Ravena

As its been stated before, I personally could not deal with knowing that a man Im involved with is bi-sexual. It would just do something to my psyche. I would start asking him questions... it just wouldnt go well AT ALL. And the first time we got into a serious argument he be a "punk ass *******" in the worst way. Couldnt work. Wouldnt work. Nope.
BMW2K

Did not read all the responses, I was getting too irritated. Maybe I am clueless, naive, etc. but WTH?

What does bi and monogamy have to do with one another? Either you are a person who commits or you are not. Either you are bi or you are not. Being one does not exclude you from being the other.

I am somewhat confused about the letter as well. I am not sure if she was telling her man, I am bi and therefore you can't do it for me OR I am bi but I want to commit to you - a male. I assume since there were a lot of F*** yous that it was the former. That is a totally different issue and has nothing to do with her being bi, it has to do with her not being able to commit to the person she is with.

I am just not sure of the hype here and I am really surprised at the assumptions. *shrug*

Mentally though, M/M sex just doesn't do it for me; therefore I find it hard to think I would be attracted to a male that did males.
BMW2K

BTW @ Elle

I used to be friends with a guy who was Bi. His perception was that he was not making a choice. He liked sex - period, and all the pleasure that came with it. He did not care about the gender of his partner. In his mind gender was not relevant. How well they clicked in and out of bed was what mattered and, to him,the body was just the wrapping. It was the spirit that counted.

Logically, I see his point. Still not my speed though.
illbdat

interesting comments.... i guess the worlds opinion is that if you're bi then your more inclined to sleeping with more people ( that be the case or not... which im leaning to not) because your attracted to the whole human species verses gender specific....

stereotypical but people tend to tight cast what they dont understand.....

I try my best not to but everyone has or do do it even @ a subconcious level....
candice

I sat and watched gay porn and the thought of a man I like liking another is a turn off. Its too many down low guys so I may just had one b4. At least she came out to him instead of hiding it like others do. Me no way shape or form would I consider a bi-guy.
Shequita

@ BMW2K the letter was HER finally being honest with HERself and the man in HER life. Asking for advice and wanting to know if he'd ever be able to trust HER around friends, trust HER because she withheld this information and because the dynamics of the whole relationship have changed.SHE clearly loves this man and wants to commit to him.

SHE and HER is me.

Im glad I didnt keep it to myself, because for the first time in my life. Im being 100% honest with myself, showing my mate ALL of me and lettinng him decide if he wants to resume. YES that should have been told to him up front, but when we first met it hadn't even crossed my mind to tell him. Because people can be very ignorant, like some responses im reading today. Bisexual people have the ability to commit. We're no different, we don't come from planet HOe-a-zon! When it comes to love,attraction we dont see gender. Im not a walking threesome, or a constant click licking std infested slut! To be in love with a bisexual person isn't for everyone, I'm just glad he can see past that and love me for me.

~ Bi-WOMAN lol
Ravena

For Shequita

Would you have been comfortable staying with him, if he had revealed this to you about himself?
lola289

Its my OPINION ppl... geez relax!

But Shequita.. if ur in love why do u still consider urself bi?
Ur not gonna cheat soooo....

Being bi is not a negative thing in my book but ppl still should protect themselves and be real w/ their own sexuality...
Shequita

@Ravena
Yes I'd be comfortable enough to stay with him (we're in quite deep), but I TOO would be pissed he didn't tell me. Im sure the main reason I'd be able to see past it, is because it's not the "unknown" for me. A smoker might have more understanding towards an alcoholic. I can't speak from a str8 woman's p.o.v.
http://www.facebook.com/Songboy3 Songboy3

I gotta tell ya, Ans - this is one hell of a post!

I guess the one thing that confuses me is the same thing that confuses Shequita: When did being Bi mean that you were a tramp? I'm not following the logic that a lot of the folks up here seem to be using.

???

But I do know that as human beings, most of us concentrate obssesively on our differences, not our similarities. And, like it's always been, fear of the unknown is a motherf*cker.
BMW2K

@ Shequita - OK Ms. Lady, now I understand. The letter though did not make that clear and I definitely jumped to the wrong conclusion about why he got so upset.

Keep in mind though, I DID NOT call the you a tramp by ANY means. My reference was about your ability to commit to JUST him because of your desire for a women versus a man. Like I said, I don't think being bi (or gay for that matter) has anything to do with one's ability to be monogamous and the other posts that implied that were irritating me.

My heart goes out to you because I know how scary that conversations was, and I applaud you for having the courage.
Anonymous

I had a sort of a relationship with a Bi female, it started off as a friendship, while she was with the female, but eventually grew into a little more, I didnt really have a problem with it. It was actually pretty cool, there wasnt any conflict in who gets the most time or anything like that, I wasnt really worrying about STD's, (I mean really), and just like an earlier post, straight people have STD's also, so I think it was much safer dealing with them, they were pretty faithful and loyal to each other so they wasnt the type to be dealing with a lot of people, the were pretty undercover with their relationship, I just kind of happened. It was more serious between them two, so I just kind of eased out of it. but there was never any problem.
DC Man With a Plan

U did a good and wise deed in this relationship, Shequita, but you also acknowledged the truth (though you slammed "US" by essentially saying we're ignorant...lol) good poke..... but the truth is closer to they way I stated it which is differences in people that are outside of what is "normal" are reasons ppl are treated differently. There is no doubt there are vastly more heterosexual's than any other category which makes heterosexual the "norm." Like it or not, the "norm" group defines the standard. Now if you want to talk about tolerance, myths and prejudices--that's a totally different discussion.
kev

@elle u'r way too wise!
SianteJ

Speaking as a bi man who has been with both bi men and woman and str8 woman, the answer is no. Unloyal partners make for unloyal partners. Now if the person you're with is with you and knows who you're screwing and will be eventually screwing the same person WITH you, then that's a different matter. I will say this, if you're looking for a monogamous relationship, you're gonna need to state such (regardless of sexuality).

Sexuality isn't an indicator of persons propensity to be faithful. It it were, most of the world would be unloyal. You've seen Divorce Court, Maury, Cheaters and any other bullshit show where it comes out or somebody finds it out.

Also, I must state that, from my observation on here, folks seem to have a pick and choose, mantra as if bisexuality doesn't/can't exist. Or bisexuality is a cover up for a secret love for your reflection. Bullshit is all I have to say about that. What makes a woman's pussy wet and hot or a brotha's dick bone hard, pre-cum like crazy and/or ass twitch won't go away should you choose to be in a relationship with one gender. Ain't gonna happen. I know this for a fact. Attraction and fidelity aren't mutually exclusive.

And since I'm a brotha that doesn't believe in double standards whatsoever, people need to be consistent. If you hating bisexuality for brothas and engaging in it with sistas, you're still partaking the process (or being a human dildo for hire). That's just like those half-hearted conservatives who espouse being wholesome but then prove themselves the biggest HOES ever. If people aren't for bisexuality, they should be that way in the MOST COMPLETE sense of the word (Read: kiss that bisexual threesome shit goodbye). Otherwise, you're a happy hypocrite.

Live and let live, and fuck
scott

@lola289 - If you're in love with someone, do you stop being heterosexual? No? Then why would a bisexual stop being bisexual when she or he falls in love? It's not a question of CONSIDERING yourself bisexual anymore than considering yourself heterosexual or homosexual - you are or you are not!

I am a bisexual man, I am attracted to men as well as women. And I prefer to be with other bisexuals because they "get" me. And when I'm in love with someone, I'm still attracted to others - I just don't act on the impulse. That's love, baby!

And I challenge the notion that heterosexuals make up the majority of the population. I've come across a lot of "straight" guys who wanted sex with a guy. I think there are shades to sexual orientation, just as there are different colors of carnations. It must have a genetic basis since it is expressed in all cultures (except in Iran, of course!)
mstessa

well i think its great to be honest so if i was going to date a woman behind my man back and not tell then its no way the relation ship will last but if he dont it except it thats when u no your not ment to be or choose a sex the yoou rather be with more than the other or fond someone to except what u do
FASHO
MSTESSA
lola289

@Scott
Okkk I just get confused at the ENTIRE bisexual thing. I see it as just being greedy. No offense... hmm u prolly took offense! But thats my thoughts toward it. At the end of the day I can see the 'fun' in it. But sometimes thats not a good thing.

Mayb Im just a conservative in this topic.
EmpressEther9

Wow...I guess I'm not surprised at the antiquated thinking still prevalent in 2010. STD's and AIDS have nothing to do with people being gay or bisexual. This ass backwards thinking is why so many people really do fall victim to this thinking because they sleep with someone they swear is "strictly dickly" or "strictly clitly" and get fucked up either way.

And FYI..I learned an interesting tidbit of info when I went to get my annual HIV testing (better to be safe than sorry)..and the AIDS counselor who administers the testing told me that lesbians and women involved in predominantly female/female sexual encounters have the lowest instances of STDS and HIV spreading because there is less penetration and swapping of fluids than from heterosexual or male homosexual activity (penis/vagina, penis/anus). And as a woman who dated women solely for 3+ yrs....I had researched for myself that info prior to going for testing so I wasnt surprised by what she told me.
Siantej

LOL@ Scott's parenthetical.
people’s_servant

Clearly beneath much of the discussion is our culturally determined ideas about gender, which in many instances have no support in biology...Most prefer static, unchanging categories when it comes to this topic. Either you or this or that...However life is not so simple and gender is not either. As others have written the issues are honesty, trust and communication. Regardless of how you construct your ideas and myths about gender nobody wants to be with a liar. You can't establish a serious commitment on lies. I would prefer honesty in a partner regardless if she was straight or bi..The funny thing is that many people who have this antiquated notion of bisexuality have probably had more at risk instances within same sex relationships and didn't know it. From reading comments it seems we all could learn more about how some ideas about gender are culturally/sociologically determined as well as std/HIV stats.
Big Tim

I dated a woman who was bi and I couldn't trust her. THe more i got to know her the more i realized that she really liked women more than men. She almost expected a pass if she was out late hanging with a female, it was just too much, i say no, you can't trust ppl like that
SaveMe

I could not date any guy if I know he is BI. I think trust and love are big parts of a relationship. Once you get to really know the person. You know rather you want to be with them and only them.
Jason

One of my edicts is to trust people to be who they are. With that being said if dated a girl who turned out to be bi I can only trust her to be herself and not what I may want her to be. If she is more of the lesbian bi then I know my place is second in her attraction and that my commitment to her would be second. But if more of her attraction is to me then I can be more opened to a first place commitment. The few bi ladies I know who are attracted to guys more than females, seem like every once in a while need a moment with a woman (as a straight guy I understand, women are deliciously fun). I'm a man and can only satisfy a woman (or menage of two, if i'm are lucky) as a man. I do not make it a point to try to satisfy a woman like a woman. I just hope she sleeping with HOT women.
Siantej

Keep hoping that.
Scott

@SaveMe - when I love someone, I am no more likely to sleep with another than straights or gays.

So many of you are missing the differences between inclination and determination. You think a bisexual has a quota of cock and/or pussy to maintain, that even if you're giving them one, they MUST have the other. THAT IS CRAP! And anyone who's told you that is full of it! Bisexuals have no more need to look outside their current relationships, however significant, than straights or gays do. We are ALWAYS bisexual, by inclination - but that does not mean we act on our impulses or have to, any more than those who are straight or gay.

I think most women who are straight loathe bi men because they don't know how to compete with men for the affections of their own man. The key, m' ladies, is the same as for women - if your man's eyes are straying, he's not getting all he wants from you. Amend your ways, or join him with the other guy - or break up with the miserable SOB! Whether male or female, we all seek both lust and love, fire and affection.
Austyn

As a Bi man, I always tell women by the second date and let them decide for themselves. I have been in three relationships (1 woman and two men for over 6 years each) and always monogamous. If someone is truly Bi, that means they can find it in their heart to love anyone. Sleeping around or "F" ing anything that moves is not Bi, it's greedy.

the question is could you date someone who dated the same sex in the past?

And as far as all the STD talk, I have never had ANY STD and most of my "straight" friends have had close calls or instances with everything from crabs to HIV.

The thing people should realize with most relationship questions (see also should her husband have a girfriend) is that HONESTY and the ability to COMMUNICATE with your partner removes most of the fear that people have.

Women spend SO MUCH time worrying about their man on the DL, that they don't eliminate the bad guys that are cheaters, beaters, and thugs. Basically they only want a "REAL" man, not an honest one.
chinadahl

Great post Anslem. I came across it on another friend's FB page... wish I had been a part of it, while it was still poppin.

But the post got me thinking, what truly is going on in a bisexual man's head? What is he thinking? Does he truly love both? Is he gay, but feels guilty about not being with a woman? Or is he primarily into women, but likes to get his d**k sucked from time to time by a male tongue? Or is he really and truly attracted to both??? I know plenty of bisexual AND gay females. I find them much easier to understand (prolly cuz I'm a woman). But I'm dying to know what motivates/drives a man towards bisexuality. What's his story?

Can you do a post on that?
chinadahl

Interesting findings in a NY Times article entitled, "Straight, Gay or Lying," by Benedict Carey :

Studies of gay and bisexual men in the 1990's showed that the two groups reported similar numbers of male sexual partners and risky sexual encounters. And a 1994 survey by The Advocate, the gay-oriented newsmagazine, found that, before identifying themselves as gay, 40 percent of gay men had described themselves as bisexual.

"Using a sensor to monitor sexual arousal, the researchers found what they expected: gay men showed arousal to images of men and little arousal to images of women, and heterosexual men showed arousal to women but not to men.

But the men in the study who described themselves as bisexual did not have patterns of arousal that were consistent with their stated attraction to men and to women. Instead, about three-quarters of the group had arousal patterns identical to those of gay men; the rest were indistinguishable from heterosexuals.

"A study published last November by the same team of Canadian and American researchers, for example, found that most women who said they were bisexual showed arousal to men and to women."

Hmmmm, I think this is what we all suspected... that most "bisexual men" are actually on their way to gay, and that's why so many women are so turned off from the idea of accepting a bisexual man in a hetero relationship.

My very unsophisticated and unscientific explanation for this stark disparity between a true bisexual man and an bisexual woman is that, at the end of the day, men are motivated into relationships by and large by their penises, while women are motivated into relationships by their hearts...

(don't hit me... I said "unscientific")
http://nwso.net NWSO

@chinadahl

No I can't do a post on that because I'm not bisexual. Lol. But if I come across a bi man that's willing to share why not.
bogart4017

As a straight male i once dated a bisexual woman. She was honest with me before we slept together and i didnt have a problem with it. But then again i'm not a jealous guy. And i'm sure i knew at least one woman she was attracted to/selpt with and it didnt move me. To each his own. And no--i'm not into 3 ways and girl-on-girl porn does nothing for me. If she wanted to be with a chick, that didnt have anything to do with me.