Do You Feel Underappreciated? (I Dunno)

Posted by NWSO • May 3, 2010 • Printer-friendly

“I dunno.”

As much of a cop out as that statement may be, sometimes I believe that "I dunno" is an acceptable answer. Yes, I'm 33-years-old and I feel confident in saying that sometimes I just dunno.

I dunno why I can't commit. I dunno why I put work before a lot of things that are more important. I dunno why my father chose to not be there. I dunno how I can take back all the bad things from my past.

I dunno know what happened to my first crush from kindergarten. I dunno what the difference is between Coke and Pepsi. I dunno why I talk so fast. I dunno what it feels like to be shot. I dunno who was in power during the third Chinese dynasty. And no, I dunno what time it is.

I'm tired of being the great oracle that has the answers to all your pesky questions. I dunno where your pen is. I dunno what I want for lunch. I dunno how to reboot your computer. I dunno what time it is in Peru.

I dunno why you're reading this.

I dunno what it feels like to be in love any more. I dunno why your girl keeps paging me. I dunno how to be wack. I dunno how much stamps cost now. I dunno how to hypnotize someone.

I don't know what the point of all this is.

I don't know why she didn't want me. I dunno what Twinkie filling is made of. I dunno why I like big butts and I cannot lie. And no, I dunno where Waldo is.

Sometimes, being unclear is okay. Not all the time, of course, but every once in a while it feels good to be in the dark.

I dunno why.

I dunno if anyone will get this. I dunno who's even still reading. I dunno who Tom on MySpace is. I dunno the name of the security guard in my office building. I dunno if you really do love me. I dunno why I hate you so much right now.

I dunno what the square root of my last paycheck is. I dunno why we pay taxes. I dunno the best way to stab someone in the back. I dunno what it feels like to be you. I dunno what I would do if I couldn't write. I dunno who I would save first between my mother, child or wife. I dunno if I can do this anymore. And no, I dunno why the sky is blue.

Right now I don't even care, but maybe that's just me…

I dunno.

Can you relate to this post? Have you ever felt like everyone wants something from you and you just have no time for yourself? Are you that person that everyone relies on? Do those same people return the favor when you need help? Is there such a thing as being too dependable and reliable? Have you ever been so frustrated that you just wanted to escape the whole world? Do you feel that saying dunno is a cop out? Have you ever felt underappreciated?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: frustrated, rant, underappreciated

Rouge Thought

Let me start off by saying, "Thank you for writing." It may not have been your intention and people tell you all the time but its something one can never get tired of hearing.

And yes, I was actually feeling this way about 2 weeks ago...that's a lie, I felt like that yesterday morning.

It is a big problem to be to dependable and to reliable. Heaven forbid you aren't your usual calm, cool, and collected self, because any display of freaking out or panic is just so out of character...but I digress. Thankfully I have places I can runaway to and recharge. And I've learned to tell people no I will not be your rock, you can not lean on me because then you will never be strong. And its not because maybe one day I'll need to lean on you, but because your behind is weighing me down, and I like to travel light.

=) I think you hit a nerve...but thanks again for sharing.
paulette_bajan_gal

Can you relate to this post?
Totally...I work 7 days a week....while raising an 8 year old.

Have you ever felt like everyone wants something from you and you just have no time for yourself?
I used to but now I force myself to take care of me first.Going to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden this week for lunch and seeing an exhibit at a random museum.Went on a shopping outing last week and treated myself to lunch.

Are you that person that everyone relies on?
Unfortunately yes.

Do those same people return the favor when you need help?
No they don't.Have dropped a lot of friends because of this.

Is there such a thing as being too dependable and reliable?
Yes cause everyone has faults and people judge a reliable dependable person harsher when they fail...cause they think you really shouldn't.

Have you ever been so frustrated that you just wanted to escape the whole world?
I've wanted to pack my shit and move back to Barbados for the longest but I run a business here and my daughter needs to stay connected to her dad who also lives here in NYC.

Do you feel that saying dunno is a cop out?
Nope...I dunno means I just dunno.End of story.

Have you ever felt underappreciated?
Every day.
paulette_bajan_gal

@Rouge Thought...I will have to steal your quote ""I’ve learned to tell people no I will not be your rock, you can not lean on me because then you will never be strong. And its not because maybe one day I’ll need to lean on you, but because your behind is weighing me down, and I like to travel light."" I really like that.
Rastaman

The battle is half won when we can admit to ourselves that we just "dunno".
Since you put yourself in a place where everyone can stop looking at you for the answers. Life will continue to be harder if we never stop trying to live up others expectation of us. There is no crime in trying to be the best we can be but part of gaining self awareness is establishing balance.

I learned a long time ago to stop expecting others to be as giving to me as I am to them. Seeing my Mom going through the emotional twist of ingratitude. I committed a long time ago to not expect gratitude, you do what you do for others because you can, not because you expect something back.

There is no bigger job in the world than being reliable or the dependable one. Ask any parents, I appreciate mine because they provided that for me and I try to offer that same thing to those I love.
http://www.itsjustgoldie.com Goldie

People that have an answer for everything make me nervous. "I don't know" is comforting sometimes.
Luv.Lee

I once tried to eliminate "i dunno" from my total vocabulary. it didn't work.
Sherell

I dunno about this!!! To my son I try to give as much as I can to help him grow and be the best person he can be. I am a very independent person and I sometimes make the mistake of expecting everyone else to be the same. I give what I give without any expectation of an equal return. I believe in karma and strive to be a positive helpful being.
Rouge Thought

@paulette - be my guest =)
Rouge Thought

@ the people who are parents - as a parent you have to...it good when you can be your child's rock. But at some point you will and must let them stand or fall on their own (they wouldn't be walking if you didn't.) And when you want to be that reliable dependable parent that doesn't me you must sacrifice yourself to give them comforts.

When I was younger I messed up my knee. The pain was easy compared to the physical therapy that followed the surgery. I had a machine at home to help in my recovery. My mother went overboard with it. I was hurting bad, crying, and she threated to kick me out of the house (to my granny's) with a bum leg and everything. And I was really upset at her for all that. But she was my rock during that time. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her either but that's what she had to do to be there for me. (And today I feel no pain only way to tell which knee was messed up is to look at the scar.)

And I apologize if this doesn't make sense to anybody else as it does to me. It's about 10 minutes to 2am...and I may be working on a sleep deficit. (And yes I saw the blog on sleep.)
Rouge Thought

...and yes I thanked her for being "mean."
Rouge Thought

...and yes I thanked her for being "mean," When I realized what she actually did for me.
dee lyte

I dunno why I've been reading your blog for nearly 9 months now and this is the first time I've decided to post.
Thanks for this post.

We're in the same boat. And I want to use that boat to escape to a tropical location! You're welcome to come. =)
http://myfingersarentbroken.com GinaMarie314

@paulette_bajan_gal 1st I want 2 say my hat goes off 2 u....being the busy person I am I am always amazed how hard women work & are still able 2 take care of a child...

I love this post...it reminds me of an India Arie song "I dunno what's gonna happen that's alright with me..I open up my arms & I embrace the mystery"...@ the age of only 23 it seems as if I'm the 1 that my family and friends goes to for answers. Sometimes I jus don't have em...I still have a lot 2 learn myself. Its hard being the 1 every1 depend 4 everything...but 1 thing I'm learning is balance. That sometimes u just can't be there all the time 4 people in order 2 take care of what is most important...yourself.
Elle

"I don't know" is only acceptable if it is being said in response to a question regarding your knowledge in the very classical sense (e.g. 3rd Chinese Dynasty, where the pen is etc).

If "I don't know" is your answer to relationship/friendship based, emotionally charged questions, it is unacceptable because it really just means "I don't care to dig in deeper to be able give you a real answer so leave me the hell alone with that BS."
distinguishedgentlewoman

I dunno why I get this, but I do. I REALLY do.

What I do know is that is seems like the more you give, the more folks keep sticking their claws out to grab more from you. You could give them the world and be down to your last. And here they come to grab that last dollar out of your tattered wallet, that last fry off of your plate, that last breath that you breathe.

I overheard a conversation with a grandmother and her grandchild one day while in a bordega. "Can I have that, can I have that," the little girl said, pointing to every candy in the store. In answering her requests, granny summed up how I often feel perfectly: "Your mouth is always saying can I have some, and your hands are always reaching like gimme some more."
BMW2K

I SO feel this post. Why?
- Because sometimes there is no answer
- Because I am not a fricken oracle
- Because people need to take accountability for answering their own questions instead of looking for the easy way out and asking somebody else.
- Because distinguishedgentlewoman is absolutely right, some people will take from you till the end of time.

While Elle and I are usually on the same page, I have to disagree with her regarding relationship questions. Relationships are emotionally charged, abstract, ever changing climate. Rarely is anything truly black or white, and sometimes we have no concrete answer. It is not a matter of digging deeper, sometimes there is just no static answer to a question. I will agree though, that this should be the exception and not the norm. If your partner is one to never look deeper, then that is an issue.
QuoteMan

Over the years, I've developed a nonchalant attitude, not because I don't care anymore, simply because some people just don't get it. I dunno why some people haven't figured it out yet.

In all modesty, I don't rely on anyone; I subscribe to the philosophy

"if you want shit done right, you do it yourself"

Given the circumstance, I may offer to help, however, it's worth noting I will not babysit a grown ass person.
Jennifer @MsJLaw

We are our brother's keeper but not their lawyer and judge. I suffer from being the level-headed, mature, wisdom&knowledge friend/sister/cousin/daughter so I have these moments about once every few months. I prayed and asked God to give me wisdom&knowledge so when I tell someone I dunno it's usually because I'm aggrivated because 1) they never listen to the advice I give or 2) they keep falling into the same cycle and expect me to be their counselor.

"I dunno" can be a cop out if it is your answer for everything expecting someone else to give you answers. But "I dunno" can also be used as a teaching method to see where those people's head are at that constantly want you to think for them and guide THEM to make their own wise decisions.
http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com/blog Dewan W. Gibson

I fell into a teaching job years ago and had 20-30 curious first semester college students ask me a number of questions, many unrelated to the readings and the course.

I learned to say exactly what I was thinking, "I don't know. But I'll find out and get back to you next class. Maybe you can also do a bit of research and see what you find? Thanks."

That phrase works in a number of situations.
Anonymous

Elle said: If “I don’t know” is your answer to relationship/friendship based, emotionally charged questions, it is unacceptable because it really just means “I don’t care to dig in deeper to be able give you a real answer so leave me the hell alone with that BS.”

Word. There's a thin line between not knowing and simply not giving a sh*t. When you don't care, you don't want to know, so it's easy to say "I don't know" and leave it at that.
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com Tiffany

I was just telling this to my friends yesterday. I dunno what's wrong with me in almost every aspect of my life. It seems as if there is some catch with everything.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
karmagini

I can relate to in this post is that sometimes it's ok to not know... but that took a long time to learn. I'm a person who LOVES knowing anything and everything I can, so to not know something used to drive me nuts. Learning to embrace not knowing is learning to let go and just be.

However, you can't be lackadaisical. I don't think this is your personality, but it's ok to just not care sometimes. I feel the need to escape now & then too.

I can understand feeling underappreciated too... but that's more of an egotistical concept. It doesn't matter how many people were to express their appreciation, because if you don't believe you're appreciated, it won't mean squat.

You should know that even aside from those of us readers you have touched here, there are tons of people you have influenced with your actions. Everything you do affects everyone since we're all connected. And if you're the person I imagine you to be based on your blog, then I know you've positively affected many people.
A.D.

The difference between Coke and Pepsi...Pepsi is sweeter that Coke! Now I DO know that!! Al l jokes aside. I can relate to you my brother (even with the age thing..I will happily join the 30's club this Wet Wednesday!!) But instead of everyone expecting and wanting something from you....I'm always the last person or even just not contacted by family or friends. I often wonder if I just fall of this earth would anyone besides by mom or sis even know I'm gone? I live in my world within this world (if that makes sense?) Its cool to realize you dont have all the answers but its even cooler for you to realize its o-k to not have all those answers. Take time for you NWSO in order for you to keep at your best. REAL family and friends will keep the game going while you sit out for this play!!

- A.D.
Rita

The difference between coke and pepsi is that pepsi tastes like coke with a splash of sprite. No lie.
God’s Gift – Soon to be Mrs. da ThRONe

I can relate; mostly at work. I feel like working in a closet just so people won't come to me with questions.
da ThRONe(from L.A.)

Being a genius like I am. I can not relate to this blog at all. da ThRONe is all knowing and all powerful. Just dont look behind the curtains. LOL

Really lately I have been feeling very appreciated! And a certain someone has been questioning me like a game show host.
Malaika

'I dunno' has always been a scary phrase for me. I am a recovering people pleaser so I like having answers for people's qestions & quandaries. I've realized there will be times when an 'I dunno' is warranted & it's ok to be uncertain. Uncerainty forces you to have faith in God...or at least something bigger than yourself or the people around you. It's also ok to dependable but create boundaries for yourself because no one can appreciate you better than God and yourself.
R.e.D

This post is all over the place today, but I did read it in its entirety...several times. Obviously something or someone triggered this so perhaps you were in a rut when you wrote it.

However I would have to agree w/ Elle and anonymous. When you are unsure of facts then just do what Dewan states, find out about it and get back to the person.. but when it comes to emotions, you know exactly how you feel about someone and to say 'I don't know' is an avoidance tactic.There are times when u have arguments with the person u are with but you still care to the point where u at least want to search yourself and figure out why u r feeling the way that u do. And this workaholic thing u have going on. Listen: you are not the only person that works hard, so find a new excuse as to why you don't have time for someone. I was with this guy who LOVED to go on and on about how much he worked as if all i did was sit at home twiddling my damn fingers. Point is this, I work 80 hours every week, sometimes more, and if I am with someone that I care about, then I MAKE time for that person, period.

Maybe I'm being too harsh maybe you just need a vacation (the Caribbean is always nice-but i'm biased) because when we are at our wits' end, we tend to really not care, so maybe you should take a break-from everything!

@ God's Gift and da Throne- if you guys are really together, then congrats!! that's beautiful...
God’s Gift – Soon to be Mrs. da ThRONe

@ R.e.D

Yes, it's true. Please feel free to question my sanity, lol.
lola289

Geez man... u dunno and I dunno...
and yet the site is awesome!
Anonymous

Yes, i feel unappreciated when i go to work. as i am too a work-aholic. I need to figure out why i work as much as i do and why i don't make time for others... wow! scratching my head saying " i dunno"
http://nwso.net NWSO

@R.E.D.

Why are you so mean to me. Nothing is ever good enough for you. You're always underappreciating me.

Lol
http://pitchinpennies.blogspot.com ndygo sunshyne

This, for some reason, is SO ON TIME for me right now. I'm in a phase in my own life where I don't care too much about what's happening in the lives of everyone else. I've spent most of my life caring for those people, holding their hands through their lives. Now, I want none of it, none of them & their issues. i want to wallow in me & take time to figure out the answers to some questions I haven't been able to answer about my self.

Thank you for writing this.
R.e.D

NWSO,

you know I really do appreciate you, LOL! I tell everyone about this site. I love this blog, so please forgive me if I came off as being mean, it's never my intention...but remember,you are an artist and in order to perfect your craft, someone must give you constructive criticism, this is what I do, but you know I always keep a compliment in there somewhere......

@ God's Gift- love and insanity are synonymous at times, lol, but once you guys are happy, this is all that matters..awwww!!
Shannon

That is me, inside and out. I am pretty successful, I guess, compared to my family, and every time I turn around everyone is calling me to come to their rescue. My mother can't pay her electric bill and wants me to send her $200 that I've told her I don't have and she keeps asking. My brother is getting evicted from his apartment because his ex-wife is getting child support that is being taken out of his check despite the fact that the children are living with him full time and my sister...I am so sick of always coming to her rescue: she needs me to pay her electric bill to get her lights back on, she needs to put gas in her car, she needs food...it goes on and on.

I know I'm doing too much for her and that maybe I should let her fall flat on her face; if it wasn't for my nephew, I swear I would. I send him diapers, clothes, toys, money, pay for his pictures--every studio picture since birth--I bought his crib, his stroller/carseat, I cleaned up her apartment when I went home for Christmas and babysat so she could sleep instead of sleeping myself so I could make the 27-hour drive back to Ohio.

It's the same at work; my supervisor expects me to stay and work late while he goes skipping off home to spend an evening with his family. I got angry last week when he told me I had to stay late and I refused, saying I wanted to go home to my children. He just looked at me and I told him the only way I was staying late was if he were staying late and he said he was going home to his family. I got angry. "So let me get this straight. You're going home early so you can eat dinner with your family, listen to your children talk about their day, put them to bed, make love with your wife and fall into a coma-like sleep before 10pm and you want to get pissed off because I want to go home to my family early for a change?! F*** you!" I stormed off and he came after me. I turned and said, "Do you realize I have not seen my children at all this week? They are gone when I get home in the mornings and I am gone by the time they get home in the evening. I will not sacrifice my family any longer for this or any job." He relented and stayed late and we finished the charts and both went home, but it didn't stop him from pressing me to stay late, run errands, work seven days a week at 90+ hours a week--you know he doesn't work like that--which has rendered me ill from the lack of adequate sleep, irregular meals and constant exposure to sick patients.

Even the men I date don't appreciate me for the special woman that I am and now that I work so much, I don't even care anymore. They can't be bothered; I even had one who expected me to worship the ground he walked on and got mad when I wouldn't do it. Hell, I had better things to do with my time than to worship daily at the altar of him.

I get so tired of everyone's neediness. I hardly ever talk to anyone because my problems aren't as important as theirs. I always do the listening and rescuing and now I need someone to listen to me for a change. I need a break. I never take vacations because I never get rest, not with my children around. My phone rings constantly and no, I can't turn it off; I'm always on call. I never get to sit still and I no longer meet people or date these days. I don't have time and I can't make time for everyone; I give so much of myself on a regular basis that I just don't have anything left for me at the end of the day and I just need to hold on to what little of me is left.

@God's Gift and DaThrone--congrats to you! I wish you the best!
SaveMe

I say it sometimes but in this day and age it seems like people expect you to know everything
Siante J

Yes and no. And I make it a rule not to be too reliable. That's too much like saying, "that's toe go to guy" I got my own shit to deal with and I know when and how to say NO. Losing the people and losing your life (in living it that is) is something that you really don't want to do. I did that one and I'm determined not to do it again.

I'm not superman and damn sure don't want to be.
God’s Gift – Soon to be Mrs. da ThRONe

Thanks Shannon and R.e.D
older & wiser

Has da ThRONe moved to L.A. ?
Southern Poise

I dunno why I am ROTFLMAO right now..... I dunno why I'm stalking NWSO right now, and I have homework to do....lol...(avoidance)...I dunno maybe I feel under appreciated sometimes...but who doesn't?

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