How Will You Be Remembered? (My Life After Death)

Loved this post! It really got me thinking.

Are you happy with the way that you live your life?

Generally but there is always room for improvement.

Are you more focused on pleasing others than yourself?

Think I used to be focused on pleasing others, but moving away from that more and more as I get older.

Do you feel that a lot of people spend a lot of time worrying about frivolous things like personal possessions rather than personal growth?

Yep. But can you blame them. We live in a society that measures success by how much you have and how you look. It's hard to shift away from that type of thinking when that is all you see.

Is it unhealthy to live your life concerned about what people think about you?

Yes, especially if it limits or changes how you live your life, i.e. prevents you from doing the things you want to do.

How do want to be remembered?

As a good friend, an honest and accountable person, and as someone who lived her life with integrity.

How will people actually remember you when you’re dead and gone?

Can't predict that, but I'm sure it won't be exactly the way I want them too.

What three words would you want to come to mind when someone says your name?

Compassionate, honest and kind

Do you feel where I’m coming from with this one?

Yep. Thanks for sharing.

No matter what you do, large or small, the actions you make in your life create a legacy to affect people in the present and future generations. This is because we are all connected.

I can honestly say I'm at a point in my life, that if it were to end right now, I would be content with how I've lived. That contentment comes from a combination of things such as tapping into my true spirit, my gifts, and connecting with others... and also from feeling more peace about everything than I ever have.

It's not necessarily unhealthy to be concerned about what people think of you. We all have egos, and sometimes we desire that external acknowledgement. What matters more is being concerned of the effect you've left on people rather than how they thought of you. Wanting to touch a lot of people is one thing; wanting people to know you touched them is another.

What comes to mind immediately as 3 words about myself: loves to love. I want to be remembered because I desired to and showed love to everyone, that I showed great appreciation for my life and others', that I strived to not take advantage of my life and gifts. And in being those things, I'll know I have affected others whether directly or indirectly.

I feel you a lot on this one, NWSO. I don't want to be like a patient of mine; I cared for him in his last days and he made a big deal about his Mercedes and Lexus, his 6,000 sq.ft. house, his career and six--almost seven--figure income, his travels and all the women he dallied with. He was smart, he told me, for not marrying and getting tied down like his brother did.

Well, his brother died and I took him to the funeral. It was so packed; I mean it was SRO--at a funeral. So many people wanted to say farewell to this man who did odd jobs and repaired appliances for a modest living and continued to talk about him even after he was gone. My patient complained--WTF?!--about how crowded it was and how hard it was to get out of there afterward.

Then a month later, my patient died. I met with his attorney and together we made his final arrangements and I rushed to the funeral home--I guess he didn't belong to any church--to attend the services. I walked in and it was quiet. Since I was the first to arrive, I simply waited. Viewed the body and walked around to see if anyone had shown up yet. An hour passed. Then two. Finally after three hours, it became clear that the director and I were the only ones present to see him off. It was so sad. All those women he dated, all those years of employment at his job, all the money he spent on his house, cars, whatever--none of that mattered. No one showed up to put him away.

I later learned that he left me a little change in his will, but there was no one to leave everything else to--his brother was his only relative and he died a month earlier--and it was seized by the state. I thought about how empty my patient's life really was; it was full of material things, but his life was void of real meaning and so was he.

No one remembered him, except me. No one grieved him or saw him off or made their farewells. And he will fade into obscurity, with no impression on anyone. I don't want that to be me, ever.

This is another reason why I will not give my body to a man unless I am married. Personally I believe if a man is more concerned with getting sex than giving a commitment, he isn't serious about me anyway. I want a man to remember me for more than what I did for him in bed. I want to know if I died today that I wouldn't be found on the floor four months after the fact and just dumped in the ground without a proper good-bye.

The only reason my siblings and my mother would miss me is because they will no longer have anyone to turn to for money. My children will be my legacy, my small sense of immortality, my way of living on through them. I'm not very happy with my life, but I still have time to accomplish something worthy. I'm not looking to be rich or even famous; I'm perfectly content to be an unknown, unsung hero as long as when I'm gone someone thinks of me and gets a warm feeling and thinks well of me.

I think a lot of people put more effort into acquiring more possessions and money and status, focusing only on personal pleasure, than they do helping and being there for others. I don't mean volunteering at the local shelter or giving a dollar to a homeless person. I'm talking about selfless acts versus selfish acts. Most people commit very selfish acts and often never consider the consequences thereof. I think they don't dwell on it because of latent guilt.

My mother is the most guilty of living her life always worrying about what other people think and she criticizes me because I don't. I can't live my life based on what others think or say or do; I have to live for me. Worrying about what others think--I don't think it's healthy. My mother actually loses sleep at night worrying about what her coworkers think of her and what they are saying about her and I told her I think she is being silly to worry herself sick about it, but if it works for her, who am I to judge?

I have to do what is right for me in all aspects of life. I do not have sex just because everyone else is doing it and there are benefits to this: I don't have to deal with 90% of the shit most people deal with. I still deal with rejection, but that's okay; people are entitled to their feelings. I don't dress or wear my hair in certain styles just because everyone else is doing it; I believe it is healthier to be a leader than a follower. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, drive fast, go to clubs or gamble because I choose not to do so. I once dated a man who decided to pass me by because I refused to do cocaine with him and let him get me drunk. I don't believe in the "everyone is doing it" credo; that's along the same lines as "If everyone jumped into a live volcano, would you do it too?" Probably not, when you look at it like that.

I know acceptance is a big thing with people, but I'm different, I guess. I'm not on this earth to please anyone and no one is here to please me. I don't go along just to fit in and connecting with others isn't something I feel I have to do to get along. When someone says my name, they will think of gentleness, kindness and generosity. They will think of how I donated money to the SPCA to provide care for animals, even fostering some personally. Or how I donated money for the victims of Hurricane Ike and how I went to my patients' homes with ice and water and a generator so I could cook and clean and bathe them--on my own time, not the company's. They will think of how I helped a homeless woman and her child find a place to live and gave her a job.

I want to be remembered for giving a damn when no one else did, for standing up for what I believe in and sticking to my guns in spite of what people said to me. I want to be remembered as the woman who respected her body so much, she wouldn't let just anyone have it, instead of the women who thinks she's all that and is stingy with the pucci. I want to be remembered for all the generous acts of kindness I did and hope someone will take up the torch in my place after I'm gone.

Are you happy with the way that you live your life?
- Yup, my motto is "No Regrets". I do as I please when I please and how I please. I would hate to look back at my life one day and wonder "what if..." I refuse to wait for XYZ before I do ABC because XYZ may never happen. At the end of the day we don't we regret the things we did but those we didn't do.

Are you more focused on pleasing others than yourself?
- Solely myself. I was born alone and I will die alone. If pleasing myself incorporates spending quality time with loved ones, cool. If it doesn't, cool too.

Do you feel that a lot of people spend a lot of time worrying about frivolous things like personal possessions rather than personal growth?
- Unfortunately yes. But it is not my place to tell them what I would do differently. We all have to find our very own truth. I know someone who spends a lot of time worrying about work, work and more work *cough cough*

Is it unhealthy to live your life concerned about what people think about you?
- Who am I to tell somebody else what's unhealthy for them. But I know it would be unhealthy for me. I'm too much of a free spirit to allow unnecessary boundaries in my life. My ex used to always want everybody and their momma to like him and think highly of him - goodness I hated that! I can't stand people pleasers. IMHO they appear to be spineless and I have a hard time respecting folks like this.

How do want to be remembered?
- Hm, not sure I want to be remembered. I want to be 120 years old and by that time probably everyone I once loved or cared about would be dead anyways. For there to be somebody to remember me it would mean I am leaving somebody behind - I'd hate for that to happen.

How will people actually remember you when you’re dead and gone?
- Ask them, not me. Probably as a big mouth with a hard exterior but a soft heart.

What three words would you want to come to mind when someone says your name?
- *shrugs*

Overall I am pretty satisfied with my life and what people would say about me.

One thing I would like to do is volunteer and be of service more. Looking at it I guess I am so worried about getting a second degree, and working that I forget to take time for others despite being busy.

I do want to have children one day so they can look at me like I admire my mom (volunteer, hard worker, caretaker for everyone, honest, open to differences, and she shows her love through her actions).

NWSO - Great post.

I have learned to please first my Creator, then everybody else (including me). I am less concerned about how I will be remembered when I die and more concerned about how I impacted you 5 minutes ago.

So to sum it up. Its the dash that counts . . .

The Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

***

Nuf said . . .

I have been saying this for years. And people think I'm crazy.

My life is far from perfect. A lot of things go wrong and a lot of things that normal for other people has been taking from me. At time these missing things make me depressed out of nowhere. But with all the things absent I am in love with myself because I am a great person. Not because of what I have done or what I have but because of how I treat people especially the ones that matter most to me. Nice blog but I been on this shit! LOL

This was so real today. Raw. Thanks NWSO for saying what you have. Although I know at the end of the day what is most important, you are right to say that many believe they are better than others if they make a lot of money, have a lot of "things", if they have fame as an artist (which I think too many people claim they are these days) or for some other reason, the amount of stamps on their passports, the crew they are seen with etc, etc. And at the end of the day and at the end of this lifetime none of that matters. How you treat others, how much you learn and love yourself does. Kudos.

I love this blog! Kudos for going beyond the everyday crap( relationships, sex, men, women, looks blahblahblah) that we're consumed with most often to touch on something so important. I am so happy right now & am freer than I have ever been. I say no when I need to & yes when I can but the most important thing I have changed about myself is that I forgive. I dont hold on to a damn thing anymore. My motto in life is "be easy". Be easy on people. Afterall they are just people. Know they will mess up, they will disappoint you & when they do Be Easy. When things are so wild that u dont know what to do, do nothing. Let it pass then let it go. I treat the people I love like they are the people I love. If I love you, u know it because life is too short to not let that be known. Yes I am happy w/ how I live my life. I can die. I am at peace w/ who I have become.

the best post thus far... good topic starter... lately there has been alot death around me ( friends co-workers but no one of real closeness of late) which started me to thinking......if i died tommorrow it would be too soon... so much to accomplish, so many lives to enhance...... i am far from my fullest potential... i thnk as the world turns so do i...turning over a new leaf... constantlly evolving, becoming a better person than i once was.... I believe through my own evolution that as you get older material things fall to the side and life itself becomes the focus... sometimes it takes a tragic moment- be it you or something you see that puts it back in focus which leads us to understand the true meaning of living...you are who you are based on the decisions you make that have no bearing on the outcomes of your own..... only then you know the true nature of a man... what you are remembered for may not necessarily be what/who you are... in the end iif the ppl that matter the most to you know who you are... it should be what matters most

That is EXACTLY how I feel. People have lost sight of this. Amazing post.

I have too many things to say and not enough time to type, so I'll just say this piece was exceptional today.

It's funny how I ran across this today. Tomorrow we bury my mother's husband. For the past two months I've sat back and watched everybody come in and out of doors. I've heard opinions of people who weren't asked to give any. I've seen people I haven't seen in years. I've said words to people that I've never said before. Death takes a toll on people. Sometimes it changes the person you really are. There's a time when you need to be left alone. As for me, I say it all the time, if I lay down and die tonight, I have lived my life. I have a lot of friends and family that loves me-unconditionally. And that's more than enough for me. The best word I can think of that describes me is "FRIEND". I say, "As long as you got that one true friend in the world, you're good." And I have that One.