What Men Really Want From Women? (Physical vs. Mental)

0 Posted by - May 28, 2010 - Guest Socks, Relationships, Love & Marriage, Video

men-booty-hawkin-bar

How’s it going, Sock Heads? Everyone’s doing alright I hope. It’s been a crazy week for your friendly neighborhood blogger but such is life—it ebbs and flows. If all goes well I should have a couple big announcements to make next week, or I might even drop some news in tomorrow’s post.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Today’s post is a continuation of the conversation I started last week with “Are You a Good Man/Woman (Real Men Have Real Talk),” which was based off Paul Carrick Brunson’s “Mind of a Single Man Series.” Since I, along with a host of other great NYC bloggers/writers/talking heads will be on Paul’s panel next week Thursday (Have you CLICKED HERE to buy your ticket yet?), I figured this latest episode would be a good precursor to the show.

Basically, it’s Paul having an open discussion about relationships with four single men, who offer up their honest opinions on the things we all talk about most—sex and relationships. The focus of this particular conversation was what men look for physically in the opposite sex.

Here, watch for yourself:

Now, I know not everyone may have had time to watch the above clip, but I hope you do at some point. Regardless, though, here are some key things that I took from the discussion.

1) Men like a “well-fit” woman.

No big surprise there, we’re visual creatures so physical attractiveness is key factor in our perception of the opposite sex. What the fellas added to the discussion to the mix was the fact that a woman who keeps her body physically fit not only looks “better” but is more likely to keep her mental and emotional self fit also.

I’ll pass on that hypothesis because there are way too many women who only have a body to offer and wind up with no kind of mental stimulation. It’s the counterbalance to the “dumb jock” for guys. Nice to look at but outward appearances can get you but so far. Not saying a guy won’t sleep with a dumb hot girl, but he probably won’t stay with her.

2) Men like “hind pints” aka ass.

Again, no big surprise there, this is basically an extension of No. 1. So I’ll move on to the next one.

3) Men like confidence.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I’ve always said that confidence can take you a long way. Over the years I’ve come across plenty of women that really weren’t all of that in the looks department, but had an abundance of sex appeal regardless due to their confidence. On the flipside, I’ve seen beautiful women that lessened their appeal by being negative, downtrodden or just lacking in any kind of self-esteem. Trust me, ThatsABadLook.com. (Almost here).

This all led to a brief discussion about Jill Scott because…

4) Some Men like Jill Scott’s “swagger.”

One of the brothers in the mix emphatically declared his appreciation for Jill Scott. She’s beautiful—nuff said. Still, we’ll all recognize that she doesn’t fit the atypical measure of beauty. She gets a pass though because of her bubbly personality and “swagger.” That all goes back to No. 3 above in that a woman can raise her stock by being confident and well put together. So in short a woman that lacks No. 1 (not well-fit) and No. 2. (has no hind pints) can overcompensate for that with an overflow of confidence.

5) Men like a certain “type.”

On the other hand, though, you’re always going to have the brother (or sister) that can’t overlook the physical. One of the gentlemen in the discussion was equally adamant about not being physically attracted to a woman like Jill Scott, despite her “swagger” and confidence. While he admits that he could dig her immensely, when it comes to a romantic level he has his own prerogative and a woman of Jill Scott’s build is not his type. Love that opinion or hate it, everyone has a right to like what and whom he or she wants.

When it was all said and done, though, I think the conversation between these men boiled down to two very important points: Men always look at the visual first, but it’s not always the most important thing and picking a mate is about negotiable things vs. non-negotiable things. Basically, we all have our ideal preferences and turn-ons, but eventually you realize what’s really important and what’s not.

See, y’all next Thursday, I’m sure the panel discussion will be even better than this one. ?

What did you think of the video discussion? Do you feel that most men are driven by the physical? Should having a preference be held against someone? Do you agree that confidence can heighten someone’s attractiveness? Have you seen the reverse where an attractive person made himself or herself unattractive by not having self-esteem? Could you date someone that wasn’t physically attractive but mentally stimulated you? Why haven’t you bought your ticket for the panel yet?

Speak your piece…

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UPDATE:

There’s now a lower priced ticket available in the balcony section for Paul Carrick Brunson’s Modern Day Matchmaker Live tour that are “Standing Room Only (Show & After-Party)” for just $20. CLICK HERE to purchase the appropriate ticket(s) you want and be sure to enter the “NWSO” discount code to get 20% off the listed price.

It’s all going down next Thursday, June 3 at Providence—located at 311 West 57th Street, NYC. Doors open at 8pm and the show, which will be taped, will run from 8:30 to 10:30. The after party, which will give folks the chance to mingle with the panel, will kickoff directly after and go until 2am.

For more info, hit the official FaceBook invite.

  • da ThRONe(back home)

    I think it’s pretty obvious that any real men will want a combonation of both. But the older I got the more I lean towards personality.

    For me the physical has more of what I calll the room “temperature affect”. It just seems like no matter how bad a female is the more I’m around her the less her looks impress me. Likewise no matter how unattractive a female is if your around her long enough she not as bad after a while. (this theory excluded weight. I dont do big girls)

    But Annoying people remain annoying!

  • sunshyne84

    I think its the same for women. I dated a guy that wasn’t as attractive as some of the other guys I talked to. He was a great person, but there was just no physical attraction for me. You could be sexy, but being arrogant will totally ruin all of that. A lot of times you may have an acquaintance that you never looked twice at, but overtime as you’ve gotten to know them you start finding them attractive. I definitely don’t think there’s anything wrong with having preferences. When you force yourself to go against that then you are settling.

  • http://nwso.com Anonymous

    We all jus want to love and be loved @ the same time so does it really matter what a persons physical make up is? The love that a person can give u has nothing to do with physical. After a while none of that will not matter unless all u wanted was a trophy.

  • http://www.thebeautifulstruggler.com Sister Toldja

    Beloved men: if you want a good looking woman, be a good looking man. I’m not talking about the video guys, but other fellas out there who have a lot of nerve asking for more than 10 fingers and 9 toes.

  • Rastaman

    The physical is primarily what attract us as men but most certain won’t keep us interested. Because once you get over the initial excitement of having her then you hopefully want to invest in being happy with her.

    For all intent and purposes I consider myself an average looking dude, so I very likely don’t set the average woman heart a flutter when she first meets me. But through my humor, intellect and overall package, I have manage to draw some very attractive women over the years. But I don’t think I was ever with any of those women because of their looks, it was appealing but I was equally drawn to their minds and their personalities. There was only one woman who really thought the relationship was about her looks, I playfully called her the million dollar body with the $0.05 mind. Had the temerity to ask if she was the best looking woman I had ever been with, I told her yes biut not the smartest. Still SMDH.

    I have a lot of really attractive women friends even more attractive than the women I have dated. I am asked all the time why did you not date her or her they seem like they woud be your type. I love them as friends and that would be the safest place to have them in my life just for my sanity.

    For both men and women, personality and confidence is an important factor in overall attractiveness.

    How many times have someone rapidly loss points in the attractiveness criteria once they opened their mouths. From the poor diction, bad grammar or just pure nastiness that comes out?

    I have dated women who by many other people’s estimatations were not that attractive but I found them sexy because the mental stimulation was so great. Plus most, not all of the really attractive women, I have been with were really so, so sexually. I don’t really have an explanation just the experience.

    Ans, are there tickest been sold at the door?
    I maybe in the neighborhood and drop in….

  • Sherell

    Looks matter to a point. There are some non negotiables. But personality and intellect go a long way. I like so many others have met good looking guys that did nothing for me and then there was others that just registered OK when I saw them but after meeting them there were 10’s because of their personality. One thing that I notice with my current boyfriend, is that we really clicked. We have alot in common and our perspective on life is so similar. We both were amazed at how we just seemed to fit each other. I venture that it is the shares values, goals, and upbring to name a few and we both loved the other’s personality.

    I realize that for men looks probably matter a bit more. I would caution both men and women to be careful not to have “too narrow” of a type, because you could be missing out.

  • bogart4017

    Im not much into looks ’cause that changes over time. If you have no conversatiion, if you spend more time in the nail salon than you do in the library or bookstore, if you can’t cook, if you don’t want anything out of life but the weekend then i can’t be bothered–i don’t care if you’re as fine as frog hair.

  • Malia

    I don’t like this particular video series from the matchmaker. I’d rather have someone introspective, like Rastaman, on a panel. No offense, but the bald guy doesn’t even come across as someone who even WANTS to be in a committed monogamous relationship, and this is after watching the entire series. He seems like he’s still on the chase so what’s the point of asking guys like that what they look for, when they clearly aren’t playing for keeps?

    Women are bombarded with enough images of what is considered “beautiful” or “attractive” to not need a male panel to confirm most of what is already constantly pushed into our subconscious. You like a big butt– oh shocking! You like boobs– whodathunkit? You like confidence– no kidding.

    I think people have a right to their preferences, and it should not be held against them unless, of course, they are being hypocrites.

    Could you date someone that wasn’t physically attractive but mentally stimulated you?

    No. I don’t believe in dating someone I’m not attracted to. Attraction is a critical component of relationships, and if I’m mentally stimulated but not physically attracted, we’re friends. Platonic friends.

    But sometimes people view physical attraction through narrowly defined perspectives, magazine cover models and muscular athletes, that’s not what it is for most people. Most people have a broad range of what they consider attractive.

  • http://hobdragon.com HobDragonDotCom

    As I get older the looks thing fades a bit but I am of the gym mentality too. A woman who doesn’t treat her body like a temple has a low shelf-life so why should I even bother. This is why I tell the guys who spend as much time in there as myself to look towards women with a similar mindset towards health in order to be happy.

    There’s nothing more annoying than an almost-fat woman asking you why you go to the gym so much instead of taking that time to go eat with her. Or a woman who doesn’t understand why you ask for wheat over white and hold the potatoes. When I see the fine ones from 5 years ago dragging their now drooping booties behind them its a reminder as to how important that aspect is to me. So I am 100% feeling dude who mentions the need for a fit woman. People who care less for health and those who do clash constantly at the dinner table and everywhere else concerning lifestyle so why even go there.

    My point for you fat bodies is, don’t chalk it up to being shallow, it is isn’t far fetched to want someone who is of your lifestyle. Dude who is obviously a weight banger should not feel wrong for saying he prefers a woman who is in there too.

    I liked this series, it wasn’t as crass and fake as some of the other ones I’ve seen with a few odd guys fronting as if they are pro-female and the one honest guy being shown as some sort of neanderthal. We’re men, we have our flavors and there’s nothing complicated about it. My only gripe with the guy is his “booty” reference, I’ve learned that booty is a double edged sword better suited for young girls who you don’t plan to be serious with. If the booty isn’t a “muscle booty” that bad boy will sag and you will have a nice surprise in the later years.

  • da ThRONe(back home)

    @HobDragonDotCom

    I have to agree. People want to say the “PC” things all the time. But the bottom line is if I dont want to fuck you why would I want a romantic relationship with you? And thats why I said weight doesnt factor into my “room temperature” theory. Because you cant make yourself cuter ,but you can put down that bucket of chicken and pick up a dumbell or two.

    We can run off at the mouth about the images we see from blah blah blah,but this is what most people find attractive. Sure every female isnt going to have a huge asses or set of breast(atleast not naturally),but every person(with maybe a few expections) can be fit. I’m really sick of out of shape people passing judgement because it’s easier to say “Love me as I am” then getting off their fat asses and working out.

    The bottomline is there is very much something wrong with the level of obese people in this country. We live in times where our daily lives dont give us a tenth of the exercise we need. With technology only getting more advanced that number will go down. It’s on us to take those extra steps to stay fit. But dont bury your head in an extravaule meal and think other people are rude or picky because your body looks like crap.

    Im not saying everybody is going to be “magazine cover sexy” because thats not even necessary. But everybody can change their diet and have 5-6hr a week to exercise.

  • God’s Gift (Soon-to-be Mrs. da ThRONe)

    Wow! Tell us how you really feel! Burn and firm bitches!

  • Da Son

    It is what it is and I agree this was actually real guys speaking their mind. I am fat, so I do not discount fat chicks from my dating life.

    As you get older you need mental stimulation, crave it or their is no point in doing anything. Men can be total pigs of the ninth degree, have a beer belly and want a chick who is a 10, that is not real life. But I see it all of the time.

    If you want outstanding woman, you better be outstanding man in some major way. Water seeks its own level.

    ( Disclaimer if you are bigger than me, that shit will not work!)

    I also agree those who are saying take me as I am and are not doing anything to absolve one’s self of faults ( we all have them) are in for a very rude awakening.

    @HobDragonDotCom- I feel you on most of what you wrote, however one that doesn’t give grace will not get it in there time of need.

    Like you are now, I used to be gym rat and box, had the six pack ( got a mini keg now-LOL) and I was just as adamant about not dating a non fit chick.

    Then I meet Asia-she was chunky, she was beautiful and she was way smarter than I was. I gave her a chance and she gave me one of the best relationships of my life. Just sayin…a closed mind never grows.

  • Rastaman

    When we portray our faults as virtues it is just plain rationalization not truth. Attraction and attractiveness are fairly relative if we are real about it. We are typically conditioned to like what we like and what is beautiful amongst one group of people is probably not as much as amongst another.

    One does not have to overlook physical attractiveness but accept that is only one aspect of who a person is or purport to be. Plus it depends on what is your intent for a purely superficial endeavor there is nothing wrong with being purely superficial. Long term you will probably be wise to look deeper. I have found that works.

  • http://hobdragon.com HobDragonDotCom

    @Da Son: I am glad you found your soulmate, but I wasn’t denouncing big women as much as I was saying date and marry within your lifestyle preference. Not close-minded just being honest on my preference, we all should do that so that the mixed message of “what a man wants” is actually clear to the women who care. If you are a gym rat, you will have conflict if you date someone who doesn’t understand gym rat necessities, is it closed-minded to not want to deal with that? If you are a regular dude (fat or skinny) then this does not apply to you. From experience with women who initially came at me due to how I look and then end up intolerant to what it takes to look like that (oh come on just try this cake!), I am just putting that advice out there.

    Thanks for the reply and I hope things continue to flourish for you but I find the fruit that grows within my own garden (the gym atmosphere) the sweetest so naturally I gravitate, and push up to the women that are of that kind. There are ALOT of women who workout, I have a great relationship with one now. So lets not pretend that going for a hard-body somehow thins the prospects down to nothing, you’d be quite surprised.

  • karmagini

    @HobDragon:

    That’s exactly why I can’t envision myself dating someone overweight. To me, how a person takes care of their body says a lot. It isn’t just about being toned and slender. It’s about how much you care for yourself, won’t take the gift of life for granted, and that I don’t have to worry about you having unnecessary illness because of poor lifestyle choices.

    It would be the same rationale for me not dating a smoker, drinker, or any other habits that erode one’s health.

    Same thing applies to mental & spiritual health, because they’re all connected. I’m gonna be attracted to someone who makes it a point to take care of themselves all-around.

  • college girl

    Do you feel that most men are driven by the physical? Yes and no. Men will definitely look at a beautiful women, but sometimes I feel they choose average/less than average-looking women as mates. Maybe because they have less to worry about, or a more secure with a 7 then a 10.

    Also, you see black men with WTF white women. So standards are lower for white women.

    Should having a preference be held against someone? No. everyone has a preference

    Do you agree that confidence can heighten someone’s attractiveness? Definitely

    Have you seen the reverse where an attractive person made himself or herself unattractive by not having self-esteem? Of course. I get so turned off by super cocky men who think the world revolves around them and try to get away with murder because they are sexy.

    Could you date someone that wasn’t physically attractive but mentally stimulated you? I can date an average guy with a nice personality. Extremely ugly…probably not. I can’t picture myselfkissing and eventually sleeping someone I’m not attracted to.

    Why haven’t you bought your ticket for the panel yet? Already did!

  • karmagini

    @College Girl:

    “Also, you see black men with WTF white women. So standards are lower for white women.”

    ???

  • lola289

    @Karmagini…its true!
    lmao w/college girl ;-)

    Men will be men…

    Things I learned, men are shallow…
    some grow up others don’t!

    Women are generally taught to be sweet and humble so we mostly don’t act that way… we make exceptions!

    (The guy w/ the beard wishes someone like Jill Scott would even deal w/ him!)

    I agree we all should work out and be healthy but unfortunately thats not the case! lol! grow up!
    *sigh*
    how bout getting off ur high horse and trying to help someone w/ their weight issues… seriously if u really care u would at least do that.

    I use to date a guy that was a lil heavier than me, and what did we do?
    We had exercise dates. That was not all we did, but it was still fun!
    Seriously, some ppl just dont kno what to do or where to start… Im sorry, but if u are looking for booty then ok… but a LONG term relationship? Get w/ the program!

    peace

  • college girl

    @ Karmangini, no offense to anyone

    Its just something that you notice. Some black men need 10 African American female, but if they cross race they standards aren’t as high. You see them with plain Jane. Black women do the same thing too.

    I like the comments about asking for only what you can offer. Don’t expect Beyonce if you are a 5 on a good day. Same goes for women.

  • Shannon

    Men seek super-attractive women with whom they can have guilt-free, readily available sex with no strings attached, no obligation, no responsibility and no commitment. Bottom line.

    Men like to say they like women who keep in shape, are confident and all that, but that’s just a front for the public. No man is going to admit in mixed company that he’s all about the booty because he knows how it will make him look to other people, women in particular.

    Men say they want a confident woman, but feel threatened when a woman outshines them. They say they want a woman who is physically fit, but most of them look like they could be in the running to play the role of StayPuft from the GhostBusters movie. Men say they want a woman who is mentally stimulating, but that’s bullshit; no man is dying to spend the evening with a woman to talk about the new bills before Congress or the confirmation of the newest addition to the U.S. Supreme Court or the state of the economy or the gross national product. Hell, he wants to get laid, period, and will do and say whatever necessary to achieve that end and to men, the end justifies the means and to that end there is no wrong.

    Men don’t really care about women; they don’t even see them as people with feelings and the proof is in the pudding. Look at how they treat women, how they regard women. What reason do men have to treat women the way they do? It’s a mystery to me, for sure.

    Men don’t want to give women a chance; they just want a chance to get a piece of her and then throw her away and move on to the next piece. Then they want to act blind and dumb, like they don’t know why a woman is making a big deal of his behavior. Men, please, I need a small personal break here.

    My husband wasn’t what you could call attractive; in fact, I was happy that there were no women swarming around him or running after him. But he stimulated me mentally and he was game for fierce debates and he respected that I had a differing opinion from him and that I stuck to my guns. Most men don’t like that. My husband was so secure in himself and his manhood, it didn’t bother him and he was comfortable with the fact that I knew more about things like car repairs and the medical field than he knew and he never minded coming to me for information…even asking for directions.

    Being with him proved to me that there was at least one man who saw me for something more than a good time between the sheets. I see a lot of women dating these men, sleeping with them and then after getting pregnant, they marry these men. A match made in purgatory, if you ask me.

    I meet men all the time who tell me I should go to the gym; I tell them to go to hell. Who the hell is he to tell me I need to go to the gym?! If I’m okay with myself, that’s all that matters, right? I work a lot–14 hours a day, seven days a week–but that’s by choice, same as going to grad school full-time. I have to have my priorities in order and going to the gym when I don’t eat, sleep or both everyday doesn’t make sense and is not a priority for me. If men don’t find me worthy of dating because of a few pounds, well and good. I can stand it and live my life in the interim. Men are more concerned with how a woman makes him look, anyway; you know, having a hot, sexy woman on his arm and in his bed somehow projects the size of his penis or makes him the alpha male, when the truth is no ones gives a shit. People are people and relationships are common, so people aren’t gathering on the streets pointing and whispering and going on, “Damn, look who he’s with. He is the man,” or some shit like that. Most people, unless they know you, are totally unaware that you are even in a relationship or sleeping with someone, but most men are superficial anyway…

    I know about the whole attraction deal. I find men who don’t think we are compatible enough for a commitment, but knows we are compatible enough to get in bed together and what’s sad is they don’t understand or get why that bothers me so much. I used to care what men thought of me, but now not so much. I don’t hold back or bite my tongue in the hopes of not driving the man away or running him off. If he wants to leave, then he can get his goddamn heels to clicking. I’m not so emotionally bankrupt that I have to swallow my feelings just to keep a man around. I tell it like it is and no, I don’t give a damn if it bothers him. If I’m dating a man I can’t question, he needs to go on out the door.

    Men don’t want long-term relationships, just the benefits and perks of commitment. That’s like getting a brand-new Lexus for free and driving it and running it into the ground and then after putting 50,000 miles on it, get rid of it or take it back instead of buying a car you rode hard and put away hot. This is the reason people test-drive used cars; you don’t know who’s driven them hard and left problems for the next person to deal with. Well, it works the same with men and relationships, only men are reluctant to admit the real truth, even to themselves.

    I think men need to grow up and get over themselves.

    *I haven’t bought tickets because these events are not held in my town.

  • QuoteMan

    Yeah Yeah Yeah…..men this, men that. GTFOH. I’m not even going to dignify this.

    Anyways………

    I’m with the bald headed dude on the “well-fit” preference. Moreover, something to the effect of what da ThRONe said, you can’t achieve a big booty or boobs (at least not naturally) but you could build a good physique. Jogging a mile or two a day, is not that difficult. Hitting the gym – it’s not hard neither. Excuses, excuses.

    And yes, I know the way, and actually walk it.

    Summer is upon us, tuck in that belly!

    This is not about the superficial stuff: Tits & Ass. I’m talking about taking care of oneself. I think that tells a lot about a person. Don’t do it for me or any man, for that matter – do it for yourself.

    I’ve an uncanny affinity for “well – fit” women. This is pretty much the basic for me, anything else is secondary.

    This is my take, if you feel me – fine; if you don’t -pay me no mind – it cost you nothing. LOL

    • Siren Call

      it is a matter of preference like I really dont like bald guys with bad facial hair…just saying. And my handsome body builder boyfreind loves my curves. So I guess Im all set! :)

  • karmagini

    @College Girl… I’m not offended, but I just don’t see this observation you’ve made of black men lowering their standards for white women. I don’t even see the logic in it.

    @Lola… It’s not the case that people work out & eat as they should, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a worthy standard to want in a mate.

    As for being on a high horse & working with that person to lose weight… I believe people should support each other in relationships. But if that person doesn’t intend on being healthy, you cannot change them. Encouragement only works with people who want to change.

    I think some are missing the point of wanting a mate who works out…

  • Miss Conception

    I will have the courage to say that what I am first drawn by a man’s look. However, I think I am attracted to a man’s intellect and how we converse. I have a strange attraction to men that speak their minds, despite how he looks. Something about an outspoken man that is open minded, but at the same time sticks true to his beliefs (like me :-) ). That is sexy than a man with his six pack showin’ off at the beach. Don’t get me wrong, I will look and say “Damn.” But, I want to be able to say, “Dammit, this man stimulates my mind and emotions.” Makes the sex better

    I dated someone that was a gym rat. I am not overweight (actually I am underweight), and for a while it was good that he considered health as a concern. But my problem was, we couldn’t hold too many conversations because all he talked about was him. His health and diet turned into his family, his job, his future, his children that him and I would have together. Nothing about my interest. As much concern as he had for his body, it amazed me how I taught him about good dieting (drink distilled water instead of tap water, be careful how much organic food you intake because your body isn’t trained to digest some of the minerals and amount of vitamins the organic product contains, your body gets weary because you mentally strain yourself).

    It’s okay for men to have preference, because clearly as a I have demonstrated women have preferences as well. If you go with your attractive radar, of course looks will appeal because you can’t judge someone from the moment you set your eyes on him/her. But, don’t be mad if you are one of the hottest guy on the block and I am not attracted to you. You look hot, but that doesn’t mean I am compelled to be with you or even hold a conversation.

    I think for women, and correct me if I am wrong, it isn’t about the looks as much as it is the approach or a man’s mannerism. As much as we shouldn’t judge, we do hold strong opinions of a person through how one presents oneself to others. If a man approaches me to where I want to respond, I am attracted. If he approaches me and I know for sure that he has bad social skills, I am completely turned off.

  • Miss Conception

    oh and one more thing:
    People who care less for health and those who do clash constantly at the dinner table and everywhere else concerning lifestyle so why even go there.

    It is only a concern if you make that an issue. Tonight, I went out with two of my coworkers who happen to have opposite values of health. They didn’t clash at all about health, and were able to discuss other important and appealing topics (fascism, Reaganomics, religion and science). If you are really concerned about health yet not concerned about education (and you don’t have to go to school to be educated reading books that stimulate your mind and make you think), then how healthy are you? Do you really know what you are feeding your body? Or just going with what people say is good for your body? Can being healthy mean more than going to the gym? Could I be a healthy person mentally because instead of going to the gym I go to the library to exercise my mind?

    And besides, someone overweight is a person 10% over their bmi. If you mean obese, which is someone 35% over their bmi, I feel it is overrated. Those bmi charts are based on the white culture, since scientifically other races have different bone structures. So someone overweight technically isn’t unhealthy, and those that are skinny or within their bmi isn’t healthy.

  • Elle

    No surprises. I love Malia’s response.

    Do we really care what men want? In life we all can want a lot of things. It doesn’t mean we’re going to get them.

    In essence, I’m quite bored with such “discussions”.

    Besides, like Miss Conceptions has already established, going to the gym/working out does not equal health. Ever seen an X-ray of a runner’s joints? Exactly. And why are some of those HULK-looking dudes at the gym having acne craters on their backs? Steroids anyone?
    Healthy lifestyle does not mean we have to look like Mr. or Mrs. Universe.

  • Lanique

    Being a “Jill Scott” type (not a melissa ford), I find that dudes enjoy my company on all levels because I’m comfy with myself. Some dig me some don’t. Some I dig, some I don’t. It’s no biggie, that’s life. Knowing the difference between confidence, cockiness and arrogance is key. You have to know the difference between all three, know when to pull out all three, and when to let your guard down and just be who you are as an individual honestly.

  • Lanique

    Oh and FYI – I never had a problem with attracting a good man. Actually, the one who I am building with right now is very supportive, self aware, confident, respectful, respectable and comfortable within his own handsome skin. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone doesn’t see beauty in perfect imperfection. My question is, when they look in the mirror, do they reflect what they expect and/or require in a mate?

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    @rastaman

    No, the tickets are only online and sales end the day before. If anything changes with that I’ll let you know but so far I’ve been told it’s online sales only.

  • ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence

    Beauty is only skin deep, and obviously we all want something that remotely resembles our preferential eye candy, but I’ll take a solid 6 (yep, a 6) with an outstanding personality, than, say a 10 that has as much character as a bowl of okra. Looks can only win me over so far. I have met far too many absolutely gorgeous dingbats for looks to be that important to me (will not go lower than a 6 tho, lol). Though I do know some 8’s, 9’s, and 10’s with personality and intelligence I can count them all on one hand and they are the exception rather than the rule.

  • Just Sayin

    When we look at a person we only see their outward appearance. Which of course attracts the eyes. Then if we like what we SEE then that’s when we get to know the person. There is no telling what a person is going to be like (truly). A guy could dress like a thug but be a genius. Or a woman can dress with utmost class and be a freak lol.
    Idk, but we humans tend to judge and make assumptions based on what we see. At least that’s what I think.
    -Just sayin’

  • Ashleigh

    I always here men refer to confidence as a requirement but I’m not sure how that manifests or is identified in the women they are attracted to. Wondering what are some concrete ways men determine if a woman is confident and therefore appealing?? What are some immediate signs of confidence? Can men sense women who are insecure and how so?

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    If you’re unsure of what confidence is then that might speak to a bigger issue or POSSIBLY a lack of confidence yourself. Just a possibility, not making any shots at you.

    But to answer, I believe that the same way YOU view confidence in a man is the same way a man will view it in a woman. You either are confident or you’re not. Point blank.

    For more concrete detail from my personal perspective, some women (men too) just walk with a certain air about them and command a room. There’s no looking down at the floor, fidgeting of the hands, they smile, appear to know where they’re going-even if it’s to the bathroom LOL—and exude confidence. But most importantly, I think it’s just knowing who you are and being COMFORTABLE in your own skin. To me, that’s confidence.

    If you’re insecure about everything, folding your arms to hide your body, hiding behind things—sun glasses, makeup, whatever barrier SOME people put up, you can come off weak and weak isn’t a desirable characteristic only to someone that’s looking for prey. I assume you don’t want to be prey and are looking for a man not a hunter.

    My 2 cents

  • Miss Conception

    I think she is referring to if a man finds a women that is confident in her appearance more sexy than a woman who is confident in her intellect or her gift? I too have wondered if a man will knock me down because I am a humble person who doesn’t prize confidence in her looks or I.Q., but the confidence in my skills and wisdom? I don’t have to walk around confident in every lil’ thing I do, otherwise there isn’t any room for improvement. I fully believe in improvement, and therefore can’t say that confidence in my look is something worth going after.

    Also, I believe that all your life you will be searching for yourself. You can’t know who you are if you continue to struggle or have problems or issues. If you knew yourself that much, problems and issues wouldn’t be an issue. We wouldn’t have debt, nor would we have to “work for a living.”

  • Anon

    I think a lot of yall are on some supreme bullshit. I’ve been a size 6-16. And you know what, men where all on the same bullshit no matter how “fit” or “unfit” I was. Clicking your heels 3 times and taking your ass to the gym will not ensure that you will magically be sent a great man or woman.

    I workout now at least 3 times a week and I am conscious about what I eat. At a size 14, I will still not be attractive to some men and maybe a banger to others. I’m confident in myself, and I’ve never had problems attracting a man.

    I almost want to gain an extra ten pounds back if it will keep shallow ass men away from me. I’m 25, no kids, I own my own home, car and working on degree #2. I’m a hell of a cook, a good person, and I put God first in my life. I have my priorities together and know what I want out of life. I could care less what some negro w/o a pot to piss in and more baggage than a little bit has to say about my physical appearance.

  • sweetsassyfox

    if one shall judge then therefore judge by ones character because as for me i have to look beyond the physical and the material and the millions , and see if i have the capacity to love what my eyes show me in the natural. because if the person is beautiful but yet there marbles aren’t all there, why waist time that i can never get back and create more regrets , but yet i dont want someone so ulgy babies cry when they pass by oowee yunish your sweet sassyfox

  • http://www.howtotalkdirty.info Dirty Talk Ideas

    yeah well yes we do only see the outside but don’t don’t just the book by its cover.

  • Britney J.

    hey interesting post and video too! But what men want women to know? Men are simple, just learn how to understand them, for some tips check out —> this

  • Tejan

    I love me a sexy woman, with curves and nice big breasts. I think the curves are more important that the size of a woman (i.e. petite or plump). But personality is more important, especially for long term relationships and marriage. For me, the more I love a woman and the more I have orgasms with her, the prettier she becomes. LOL.

    I think that there is what people want, and there is what people THINK they want. And they are usually not the same thing. For example, women usually say they want more gentle men who are nice and good fathers and such, and then they lust after the bad boys and wonder why they get burned. Men often say they want a nice educated wife, an equal, and what they really want is someone who wants sex when they want sex, and who is into the same things, and who has their back when things are bad. Or alternately, someone says he wants to be the man of the house, but really, he’d rather be the passive/submissive one and let the wife be in charge and dominate. Of course, this is not true for everyone. People are so diverse, but these are just examples.

  • Tejan

    You spam filters on this blog are too tight. Half the time it tells me I cannot post. This is getting very frustrating.

  • Tejan

    Well, I wrote this great response and I can’t post the damn thing. Your website keeps complaining. But it lets me post this. I give up.

  • Tejan

    Sex is Always About Domination or Submission:

    Or another way to put it, one is always the aggressor, and one is always the receptive (i.e. displays she/he is available for sex trying to entice the other to act). This is true all all sexual relationships (even gay and lesbian relationships always have a dominant and submissive partner, top or bottom, butch or lipstick lesbian).

  • Tejan

    Before you can say what men and woman want, you have to see what roles they play. Traditionally men are the dominant one, and females the submissive ones (sexually speaking), but as we can see from modern culture, that is not always the case anymore. In fact, we have freedom to chose our roles in sex today, and are not limited to the sexual roles imposed yesterday.

  • Tejan

    So the roles that are available are:

    * Dominant / Aggressive
    * Submissive / Receptive
    * Flexible (can change roles)

    A sexually dominant/aggressive person is going to look for someone who is sexually submissive/receptive, and vice versa. And these days you cannot assume a man or woman is one or the other.

  • Tejan

    An aggressive woman is going to try to find a man she can dominate. A submissive man is going to try to find a strong woman who will take charge. And vice versa. Flexible people can be either way, and can enjoy both roles.

    The problem is that most people do not embrace this, they hide what they really want, and try to be politically correct. They try to be what they think their mate wants, when the fact is, if you just be yourself, there will be someone out there who wants the same thing as you. You want a submissive wife who wants to stay home and make babies and have sex all the time. There is a woman out there for you. You want a woman who takes charge and lets you be the “woman” in the relationship, there is a woman out there for you. Have some kinky fetish? There is someone out there for you.

  • Tejan

    So instead of talking about what men want, perhaps people should be looking at what they REALLY want, instead of what society tells them they want.

    (I can’t believe this. I had to break my post into 6 pieces to get it to post. You need to increase your allowed number of characters. But finally got it posted, thank God.)

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Really, that’s funny because you’ve posted like 20+ comments since last night that all went through with no problem. No need to get frustrated some comments get flagged as spam, just a matter of being patient for when I check the spam field daily and release your troublesome comment.

    Appreciate your input on the discussions

  • Tejan

    And I could only do that by breaking up comments into pieces or waiting before posting again. Yes, I got them posted. But it was a major pain. I got an error message at least 20 times while posting saying I was posting too fast or the post was duplicated. The only way to get around the error was to break up the comments paragraph by paragraph in some cases.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Not sure why that’s happening for you. There were similar issues in my previous comment system but that’s why I got rid of it. Posting too fast is a common spam filter test, but don’t see why it would happen for such long comments since you’d take a while to write all those words unless you were cutting & pasting from somewhere else.

    At any rate if one of your longer comments gets flagged as spam just trust that I’ll get to it at some point in the day when I check spam filter and it’ll appear in its entirety. Sorry for the issues you’re having.

  • Tejan

    It seems to be the length of the post, although for some reason it allows me to post a long one, and then the next post it forces me to break the same size post into smaller pieces. I’ve never seen that before on other blogs, so I am not sure what is causing it. It is not flagging it as spam, it is saying I am posting too fast or it is a duplicate post, and refuses to allow it to go through. I get a pop-up dialog box saying my post was not posted.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    I’m guessing it was/is something you were doing with this particular comment, as some of your other comments on other threads have been lengthy and seemed to go through with no issue. From my own experience if message says posting to fast, I generally am posting fast and just have to wait a few seconds before submitting. There’s no character limit set outside of what some folks browsers limit, and any more than one link in a comment gets flagged as spam.

    if any other problems feel free to take a screen grab and email to me. My contact info is above in tool bar. I live in a Mac world so PCs aren’t my specialty. LOL

  • Siren Call

    yeah and everyman out there looks like brad pitt. there are just as many fat ass men as women but its “ok” for men to be bigger. its a double standard. women are penalized WAYY more then men for carrying extra weight. Even tho we are the ones who naturally HAVE to carry extra weight to make your beautiful babies. So why dont you guys get over it. I am NOT saying people shouldn
    t take care of themselves. But what I am saying is stop picking on JUST women.

  • Siren Call

    Some men don’t like larger women …but some DO. And some women REALLY REALLY hate bad facial hair and baldness.

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