Real Men Like Real Hair – Why Weaves Don’t Work

I think you should have a third option in your poll for those of us who are "pro-do what makes you feel good".

i wore dreadlocks for 13 yrs which ran all the way down to my butt. the only reason i cut them (3 yrs ago) was that my baby started to use my locks as a jungle gym and swing off of them as she became more active. also i was trying to ((assimilate)) more in the south (ga) and get a promotion; also they were getting to be very heavy.

i cut them off and went back to relaxing--which i absolutely hate. women in the south are very much into wigs, weaves, and heavy heavy make up. when i chose to wear my hair natural i noticed that i would attract a certain type of man (in ny), and when i moved down south i noticed that ppl (black and white) were wayyy less open to women with natural hairstyles---esp locks. i recall getting lengthy stares from ppl of all races. one time i had to tell a woman who keep staring at me, "it's called a HAIR-STYLE--get over yourself!" and kept it moving.

i have girlfriends who started relaxing their daughters' hair since the age of 3/4 yrs of age (which is a completely other post). while it is very stressful for me and my daughter to maintain her naturally african textured hair i have promised my husband that i will not put chemicals in her hair--she will need to make that decision once she becomes of age.

yes, it does take skill and time and patience to braid or corn-row a little black girl's hair but when it is finished she looks beautiful--naturally beautiful. and that's the difference b/w weaves, wigs, and chemicals vs. natural styles--one is naturally beautiful while the other is just aesthetically (and chemically) somewhat appealing. btw MOST of my girlfriends DO NOT know how to corn-row (braid) hair (!) obviously this is becoming a lost art, literally. when i was younger every black girl knew how to corn-row and we all did each others' hair. i guess the "contemporary" black women does not feel like cornrowing (or cooking wholesome meals--yet another post--cause there are MANY of this variety too!!) are not needed when you can just buy your children mickey d's every night and slap some chemicals in one's hair for convenience.

i think women of african american descent (like me) who chemicalize--and esp. the ones who wear wigs and weaves and pancake thick make up are trying to uphold this standard of "american" beauty--which does not exist and is the biggest fallacy in modern (ie, white) society. we are obsessed with having long, luxurious blond hair. when whoopi goldberg started doing her stand up in little theatres in nyc she had this skit of a little poor black girl wearing a mop on her head obsessing about her long, "blond" hair. as black women i think we've "drank the cool-aid" and have been brainwashed to only accept certain standards of beauty while rejecting others.

it has gotten so out of hand that i have girlfriends who are getting booty implants and tummy tucks (ON CREDIT) b/c they are looking at too many blog sites and trying to get that "perfect" body (ala beyonce, nikki minaj). my whole thing is: after you've placed chemicals on top your head, or someone else's hair sewn/glued onto your own, and gotten some fat sucked out of you--what about your insides (ie, your psyche??why not fix that??) cause clearly there is something wrong with a woman who feels she has to go through these extremes (and risk death) to do that to her body. look at what happened to kanye's mom and usher's ex-wife tameka.

i will not raise my daughter to be afraid to exercise, dance freely, swim, or walk in the rain without an umbrella--for fear of messing up her hair or sweating out a weave.

by the way, men also contribute to this issue of women who have negative body images by your comments, stares, and your oft-expressed desire to have a woman with a fat ass, big perky breasts, ________(fill in the blank).

having locks liberated me from all of this bullsh*t. it takes a certain type of women to wear a natural hairstyle--esp. styles as liberating as baldies and locks--not every women can OR WILL do it. i am counting down the day when i can release myself from this societal slavery and once again liberate my hair.

(((okay stepping down off the soapbox now...)))

Good to hear that your mom is doing well : )

I have locs. I've had them for going on 7 years now. I'm toying with the idea of cutting them and growing my hair out or rocking a low fade/caesar for a lil bit. We'll see.

A perm will never sit on my head ever again. Last time I permed was 10 years ago when I was 16! I hated everything about a perm lol. I don't knock those who perm and are able to maintain it well. Kudos!

Same with wigs and weaves...not for me. *shrugs*. Only extensions I ever wore was braids. I wore the heck out of some braids off and on for a lil bit when I was growing my hair out after my last perm.

I say do what feels and looks best. Can't be living your life for what others think. If I did, I would've cut my locs off and permed my hair straight because an old flame said one time "You're beautiful but you would be perfect if you grow your hair out and perm it straight". Yeah we didn't last lol.

I have been wearing my hair in a low cut fade for over 16 years now and will never go back to the slavery of curling irons, I'm free!!!

I actually went natural last month...I chopped all the perm hair off and I havent looked back. I woke up late yesturday and had no time to do my hair so I wore a wig....I felt so fake, I love my natural hair!! When it grows I'll have more styles to choose from, but I'll take my Lil fro, twists, wash n go, fro-hawk braids to on the side, twists, coils any day of the week!!

It seems like I attract more men with sense (whoda thunk it??? a style that attracts a certain man??), women ask me "why you cut your hair?? why did you go natural....what for??"....I just started saying "ummm why not sport the hair that grows from your scalp??" I get a different set of looks from people, and some men see me as less than a woman....who cares atleast I weed out more of the ignorant ones!

For some reason yet to be explained I have always loved a natural and even the women I was involved with who do have perms it was a short haircut. There are a lot of very attractive women out here with their processed hair and their extensions who are quite attractive in their own right. Unfortunately they have never done it for me.

Ans you thought you got flak for the "no single moms" talking about sisters choice of hairstyle could get you run out of town. You probably lucky you did not say your first preference is to date women with natural haircuts.

Growing up in the 70's I always saw my Mom with the Angela Davis black power fro. And one of my favorite memories was the days my sisters would wash their hairs and put them in cornrows or bumps afterwards. Equally so was the day my hair was put into cornrows...not that that will happen these days becuz its been shaved since the mid 90's.

I ran into an ex the other day who had her locs for nearly 20 years and I almost fell over when I saw her with a perm. But then someone mentioned that she may be going through a life transition and women typically alter their hairstyles to reflect life changes.

I saw that Chris Rock documentary on black hair and I am aghast at the amounts spent by black women on their hairs especially when so much of that money moves outside their own community. One reason I shaved my head so many years ago was I was tired of sitting in a barbershop for 2+ hours every few weeks, too much wasted time.

As an amateur historian, i think most people would be amazed to know that none of this hair processing, wigs, weaves and make-up are new. Go check out a few Egyptian and Sumerian hierogliphics and you can ID the wigs, the makeups and the crazy do's that were the height of their civilization. Then check out the Europeans 300-400 years ago with their wigs, makeup and other accessories and those were just the men.

People are just like peacocks......my only concerns for the sisters is how you spend $1000s on your head with lace front real hair weave but your body looks like hell?
Just a thought.

My whole thing with women and weaves are... If you have a weave on your head, keep it up! Comb it.. LAWD! Why walk around with a weave in your head when the person next to you can see where your real hair eands & that weave begins I truly can't stand to see a woman who looks like they don't comb their hair.. If you didn't have time to comb your hair, did you have time to brush your teeth?

Lol, you have no idea. This one chic told me I was not embracing my African-ness because I have a perm. I looked her straight in the eye and I really gave her a talking to about what my roots are. People, please know you insult a whole culture when you sit and say your hair is what makes you more of that culture. I also asked her to stop worrying about what's on my hair and start worrying about her weight because she is focusing on the wrong part. Black women should worry about the high rates of obesity instead of trying to pick out who is not black enough because of their hair choices. *Breaaathe* I was born and bred there so she really made me want to slap her, plus I was just tired of hearing ignorant people say nonsense like that.
I am a health conscious, physically fit woman with a perm. I know what my non permed hair is like I wore it till I was 18 and I loved and still love it, the best part is I can switch back and forth however I like. We are blessed like that. Black women need to realize that.

I always tell people, your African-ness or Blackness has nada to do with your hair. Take that high horse hair mess to the motherland and folks will look at you like you are crazy. Your internal qualities are what make you African or Black (whichever you choose to identify with).

Can you swim in a weave/wig?
What if you get caught in the rain?

How does that work? Cause I really don't know and thought you couldn't get them wet. Which baffles me, cause what do you do in the summer? When your dude takes you to the beach?

Most weaves I see in the ATL are those poor, ratty quickweaves that look like shredded plastic. A good one costs $$$ and I shouldn't be able to tell (I'm clearly not a weave expert)

While I respect your response, I think your opinion of the south is a little biased because you were just in Atlanta. (then again I also don't know how long ago this was) But I am here in Texas...and EVERYONE is going natural. As a matter of fact MY hair is natural. I'll be honest, I don't think I could rock the locs...but that's me. I think it's more of what works for you. B/c you have the time and want to and know how to do your hair...everyone else doesn't. I think the thing that we as a people (no matter what ethnicity you are) need to not necessarily want what works for the next person, just find out what works for you. I can admit, the media goes CRAZY as soon as a female cuts all her hair off. Truthfully that needs to be changed, but it won't happen over night. And sadly most people look to the media to determine beauty...I kinda feel you about you going relaxed for the promotion....I just got a new job and SHOCKED them all because in the interview I had a roller set ( I was transitioning) and then on the first day I had an afro (well not really...my hair is fine, and wavy with curls and frizz....so it really doesn't afro....wait...that's another conversation..lol)....ummm where was I...Oh yeah..when I came to work my hair was big in comparison to what they saw at the interview....BUT THEY LOVE IT!!!! So that lets you know that something is changing...slowly, but surely we are beginning to embrace different styles of beauty.

yeah you can swim in weave...I just don't know what it will look like afterwards.....lol But to be honest, depending on the type of weave you get, you can get it wet...especially if it's GOOD human hair...and most women think they are too cute to get in the water....Me personally, I've never had a problem with water...even when I had a perm. (my avatar pic is from when I went to the beach...lol)

While I agree that people shouldn't judge another for having processed hair, there should be more concern over it because of the health risks...especially those that have their little girls' hair done. It should be just as much a concern as something like obesity.

I have naturally curly hair, and I wear it curly 95% if the time because I don't want to harm it more than I already do with hair dye. Also, I want to embrace something that makes me unique even though it doesn't define me. Same thing goes for my other physical features.

now u've addressed, please hit natural versus permed

I have to admit I was one of those women who missed out on the whole salon experience during my childhood. My mother took advantage of my hair's natural wave and my hair was always long, until I cut it in a bob about 7 years ago. It's since grown out and still natural. I think the closest I've come to wearing weave is when I had braids for those six months after losing my husband and at the time I didn't care if my hair fell out.

I like my hair, though. I hated that I was never able to grow and wear the big bouncy Afro like my brother and sister had and I envied that style. My sister, who was an up-and-coming stylist, would do some amazing things to my hair with only a set of rollers, a flatiron and hairclips and I looked great.

I'm all for weave, as long as it not going overboard with the color and appearance. There's nothing wrong with wearing a natural-looking weave, but I know some women who take it to another level with the pink and green and platinum blonde or the obviously fake weave. For some women, wearing weaves gives them confidence in their appearance and makes them feel good about themselves.

I always wanted to relax my hair, but I was told I have the kind of hair that should be permed. Well, I don't think I need a curly perm, since I have natural waves, but I would like to try something new. Not necessarily chemical or extensions, but something. It takes me about two hours to wash and dry my hair, maybe an extra hour to run a warm comb through it for a different look. I had it flatironed once and it took so long, I never did it again.

My sister locked her hair last year and while I thought it looked good on her, my mother threw a fit. Well, my mother grew up in the era of perms and hot combs and doing all one could to have long straight hair and didn't really pay much attention to her rants. I guess in her day, no one really wanted to wear their natural hair, even though the Afro was a popular style, and they used straightening combs or something to get it the way they wanted it; my grandmother wore wigs. I'm sure a lot of us remember our grandmother's wig, lol.

I know some men who actually like the natural look. My boyfriend asked me once if my hair was all mine and I looked at him kind of funny; my hair isn't very long, maybe halfway to my bra strap, but I said it was. When we were going out, I made up my face and at first he said nothing, but then he asked me to take it off, that he liked it better when I went natural because it meant to him that I had a lot of confidence in my real look. I think as long as you are happy with the results, do whatever makes you feel good.

My daughter has done a little of everything to her hair. It's been black and brown and red. It's been permed and natural and long and short; hell, she's been everything but bald! But if she were bald, I think she'd work that look, too. I hate how people assume women with short hair are gay; I know a lot of lesbians with long hair who look very feminine. Women should just do their thing as long as it's for themselves and not for anyone else and as long as it makes them happy.

I think as black women we have so many different hair styles and hair textures and we should celebrate that instead of being indifferent about it. We are beautiful regardless of the style.

Ima be real and say that I just got my first perm ummm three yrs ago. I had either pressed hair or braids as a child and had locs, then natural twists or afro in college. I just wanted to try sumthin new and for me its the bomb! I sweat so when I dance or workout I am ALWAYS amazed it still looks good... (HUGE SMILE!)
Thats a plus I prolly will go natural in the future or cut it off again, but for now this is my choice. I dont use 'creamy crack' too much... Thats why its sooo bad for our hair . We use it to death instead of finding alternatives for hair styles inbetween getting our hair relaxed. But I do like my hair and Im black, beautiful, and hardcore about my culture. Hair is not who I am and I feel sorry for anyone that thinks otherwise.

I agree with the majority, Do what YOU want to do, what ever make YOU feel confident do it. I wear weaves as well as my real hair but I do what I want to do with my hair. My boyfriend perfers my real hair but, what he likes is what he likes, what I like is what matters. I don't know if that is selfish but I'm just keeping it real ( lol). Like one said previously IT'S JUST HAIR!

my comments were not directed against women who choose to relax, weave, wig--like i said, i am wearing a perm now but mad at myself for going back to this. when i look at the ads in the mags, on tv, and "dolls" marketed towards little girls--it really makes me think of the bigger machine out here. maybe it's just me and i need to stop psycho-analyzing stuff all the time. revolutionaries come in all races--and hairstyles

When it comes to women and their hair, I’m as blind as a bat. I could never tell the difference between what’s natural or fake. Y’all have multitude of choices to choose from; any is OK by me, just don’t touch my hair brush. LOL

@Anon, I couldn't agree more. If you want to go natural, then do it for you. I, on the other hand, love my hair when its relaxed because I am able to run my fingers through it, as well as, feeling the wind blow through it. I'm not following a standard of beauty, it just makes me feel comfortable & I can manage it better. For most of my life I have been rocking my own hair, whether long, medium, or short. Currently, I have a weave sewn in, which is different for me, because I don't usually wear weave & it is a different color than my natural hair. I just wanted to try something different from what I am use to, and I love it. I look & feel great. I'm still black, still beautiful, & naturally me.

"It seems like I attract more men with sense"

YES! A TOTAL difference!

wow my homegirl was just talking about this the other day.

Have always had long hair AND I am on that creamy crack!!! I have a perm & won't be going without it. My hair is also healthy.

I like all hair! I tend to rotate between a press and curl, a weave or braids! Hair shouldn't b taken so seriously! If u like it, try it! If ur comfortable with it, rock it! It should be fun and try 2 keep it as healthy as possible! I cant stand the wwhole natural vs. weave thing! Concern urself with ur hair not everyone elses and try 2 enjoy it!

I love a natural woman, always have. Short styles, long styles, fades, even shaved bald (damn she was a hottie..oops, lost in reminiscing)... it oozes confidence to me.

Yep
Any type of chemical that is put in the hair can't be good. So imagine perming your hair for years and years. That's probebly why some females are crazy lol (jp on that last part lol)