How To Make an Interracial Marriage Work (Race Matters)

I am from a Carib/Jewish background (dad = AA and Jewish, mom = Carib). I NEVER comment anymore, but this was a Wonderful piece! I plan to send it to my grandfather. He always told me that the best thing he ever did was marrying my grandmother. I think he would like this.

I loved this post. Im 19, and my mom jokes with me all the time that "you will make some white guy really happy one day."

(cont.)
(SIDENOTE: So if you in an interracial relationship don't get tense...RELAX!
As long as nobody is coming towards you negatively there are no problems.)

But honestly, if I date outside of my skin tone it will have to be with a man from another nationality. Americans are messed up in terms of race. I need a person who is open minded and grounded in who he is outside of what his culture wants him to be.

I don't understand this perception which *some* fully black people have of biracial (W/B) children being "screwed up". Where does it come from? SMH. I've always believed I had the best of both worlds but w/e.

Tbh the American racial issues bother me so much but I understand why they exist.. I'm sure every black person in America knows of a parent or grandparent who wasn't allowed on a bus or who experienced the SERIOUS hatred which is really sad. But Elle is right, to us you are all as hating and ignorant as eachother...you are American. You should try be proud of being an American and be proud of your fellow Americans for electing a half white/half black president because the black vote helped but it wasn't majority. It is a step forward in the right direction and hopefully there will be more interracial communities.

There are many trials and tribulations that come with it and the biggest are probably families and other people's opinions but I find that it makes us closer in some ways. We tend to get "lost in each other" a lot and kind of just shut out the world when the negative and overall ignorance becomes over whelming. I also credit us and our communication because we aren't afraid to bring up the race questions and really state how we feel without the fear of offending each other.

I think that we as Americans make a big deal out of race and I feel that as a black woman, I have it even twice as hard since people don't refrain from telling me about how "the white man raped me" years ago and all this stuff so I think that you have to feel guilt free in an Interracial Relationship and not feel like you owe people something or that the past has to dictate your present and future and though you shouldn't forget , you shouldn't live by it either.

How bout jus know you both of you are, having a common experience, working on yourselfs and working on the relationship inside and keeping outsiders OUTSIDE.

I used to be a single mom of 2 beautiful mexican american boys. Things were very hard, and we could barely make ends meet. At the time, we lived in a roach infested run down 1 bedroom apartment, because thats all I could afford. I could barely afford even that. I had tried dating, and met several nice men, but none of them could give us the love and family time we needed. I simply wanted someone to not only dedicate himself to me, but someone who could dedicate himself to my children and come to love them the same way I do. Things turned for the worse early that summer so I brought a friend to stay with me for support and encouragement. I began taking week long trips looking for a new home and a job so that we could move and start a new life. In the meantime, My children began to suffer without me there. They began to do without necessities, like milk and bread, and I later found out the person I trusted to keep them simply left them in bed all day. I happened to be driving down town one day when I came across a friend of mine, and I stopped to talk to him. He was in the process of rennovating an old building, and had 2 workers with him. Since it was so hot outside, and I only lived a few blocks away, I invited them to my house for a couple of drinks. My friend knew my living situation, and didnt say much when they arrived, but one of his workers, looked around in disbelief at the small space I had been calling home. I kept quiet, not wanting to seem rude, and went to get something from the refrigerator for them to drink. As I was coming into to the living room, to hand them each a cold glass of tea, the worker saw my 2 children, one barely walking and the other crawling, tagging along behind me. As I handed him the tea, I could see a note of sadness, but familiarity in his eyes. It prompted me to introduce him to my boys, and as I did, he sat each one on his lap and smiled as if he had known them since they were born, as if they were family. The day after that flew by, as I enjoyed the company of my newfound friends. But the next day, I was off again. This time when I returned, I walked in the door to greet my babies like always, when something didnt seem quite right. Thats when I noticed, there were 2 brand new loaves of bread sitting on my counter. I opened the refrigerator, and there were 2 gallons of milk, a package of hamburger meat, hotdogs, cheese, and even a small cake. I later found spaghetti noodles, sauce, macaroni and cheese, hamburger helper, and a small note taped inside of the door in scrawled handwriting written in bad english... "I be here for eat later..." I asked my friend where it all came from, and he said it was here when he got back from taking the boys to the church park across the street. I had no idea who it couldve been, between my friends, and the men I had dated, I was stumped until the thought of the man who smiled at my children. I had only just met him, and i couldnt begin to fathom why he would do something like that for someone he had only spoken to once in his life. I began to freshen myself up, and was so worked up by the time the knock on the door came i nearly wet myself. Suprise! it was the man from the other day. I ended up making Spaghetti and garlic bread that night for dinner. It was a fabulous meal. So nice to have a full stomach after so long. After dinner, we all made small talk, and he played with the boys. I finally put them to bed, and put in a movie, but excused myself and stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. I was not used to seeing someone else care about us, It was a little overwhelming at first. Not long afterwards, he came outside and tried speaking a little broken english to me. I could hardly understand what he was saying so i informed him that i spoke fluent spanish, and we both laughed and he formally introduced himself as "Eli". He proceeded to tell me that he would like to get to know my family better, and be there for us if i would let him, and that he would like to take us all out someday, so we could enjoy each other's company. It came as a big shock to me because he was not pressing to stay the night, or retreat to the bedroom expecting "payment" for the things he bought. That was the kind of treatment I had become accustomed to. I finally got the nerve to ask why he was willing to do this for someone he just met. He told me he had fallen in love with us from the moment he stepped through my door, because, my broken family reminded him so much of his own growing up. He said his mother had suffered so much raising him and his brothers and sister, and he heard her cry so many nights because his father would get her pregnant and run off leaving his family to starve and fend for themselves. He said I didnt deserve to go through that, and asked if I would let him be a friend and be there for us, and be an example for my children. I said yes, he began to come every other night to check on us and help us in any way possible. He never missed a day. We continued on like that for about 6 months, and eli and I began to date. 2 years later we are talking about marriage, and (oops!) expecting "our" third child. I am a white woman, honest, a little irresponsible sometimes, loving, and i have one hell of a temper. He is a hispanic man, stubborn, hateful, and inconsiderate sometimes, but he is my guardian angel, my rescuer, my soon to be husband. We both come from very different cultures, but our histories are identical. We are one in the same. We are each other's breath of life. It is amazing that something that powerful can come from a simple ice cold glass of tea on a hot summer's day.

I have been with my boyfriend who is of native american decent and i am african american with some traces of haitian/white/native american. We are expecting our first child in june...i asked him a couple of days ago before reading this post, if he was okay with having a child that will probably look nothing like him or I and it shrugged it off and said he would love it the same. We are getting married at the end of the month so wish us luck!

Amazing story Brandi, God really blessed you and your boys

So then, why not be proud of the multiracial aspect of being black and white? I don't understand why black becomes dominant. As I responded to the previous post to which you have also responded, what makes it okay to drop the 'white' part of the child in identity? And I can answer the question "why identify as Cherokee, English, Polish"- because apart from 'Cherokee' (which is a specific heritage, a specific tribe) those are ethnicities, and to discount any ancestral heritage simply to classify oneself as just 'black' is, in my opinion, unnecessary, and robbing the child of the pride that they can have in being, and CALLING themselves, multiracial black and white, and whatever else.

I agree Miss Conception.
People dont read their history books.

@Sasha, she explained it clearly to you. Because being Black, means you already are a Bi Racial.

What many of you people dont even know, how much interracial breeding has been done in the history of this country and and the South American Spanish culture.

Most South American Hispanics, are BI RACIAL!!! Most of them dont even know that. Thats the funny thing, because somewhere down the line of the family tree, there is a former African Slave that was married to a White Spanish person. Thats right,,, Slaves of the Spanish had that right not to be divided from family, also they could marry unlike USA slaves.

also many Slaves mated with Native Americans. Native Americans were allies to the Run away Slaves.

Also I would like to know what defines Bi Racial. if you want Bi Racial category so much, than what would you define Malcolm X as?

How about the Black Americans that had a raped slave grandmother in their family tree somewhere? are all these Black be called bi racial instead?

Racism is defined as PREJUDICE with POWER.

Everybody is PREJUDICE! no matter if they deny it or not. its a natural instinct.

BUT

not Everybody has POWER, which means the people with power can place Racial Stereotypes and Restrictions based about their Prejudice of another race.
Hitler is a
n example of this, and the USA

OH PLEASE!!!!

We all no you white people enjoy Rap... Hey remember James Brown. When he said "Say It Loud"
who were most of the people saying "Iam Black And Iam Proud" ?
all through History White people have stole Black Culture to claim for them self. sorry truth hurts sometimes.

wait wait wait,,,, "“At times I think a black man would have choked me up for my behavior but he is understanding.”

what does race have to do with that?

I have little against IR marriage (other than the fact that it can erase the African part of them if done for many generations[which historically has happen with South American Hispanics])

but when people feel the need to bash their Black Ethnic roots, and praise the idea of not being Black,,, thats when I have a problem. Because if you want to pull that "IAM NOT BLACK" card, well you minds well deal those same cards to 95% of Black Americans as well, that you try to hide from so much