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How Many Friends Do You Have? (FaceBook Doesn’t Count)

Posted by NWSO • August 23, 2010 • Printer-friendly

As I was going through the comments on last week’s post, “Could You Date a Friend’s Ex? (All’s Fair in Love & War),” I noticed a common thread. It seems the issue at hand had less to do with whether or not someone you knew went out with a person you dated or had a crush on, but who people considered their “friend.”

We all know a lot of people but that doesn’t necessarily mean we have a lot of friends. When it comes to my true friends I think of people that are loyal, trustworthy and dependable. My confidants and support system. The few people in my life that I allow to see me at my worst but would never judge me. The ones that can keep me in check when I cross a line, but will never stifle or hate on me. People that I would allow into my home and introduce to my family, because they are just as much my kin as someone connected by blood.

That’s what I consider a friend.

Everyone else falls in the category of acquaintances, associates, or whatever other appropriate title. The thing is a lot of people mislabel the people in their lives as “friends” without really looking at the power of that word. A lot of people think everyone in their circle is deserving of the honor of friendship and then wonder why that same person betrayed them.

Somewhere along the way the lines got crossed and modern technology has exacerbated the problem even further. On social media platforms like FaceBook we get “friend requests” and the hundreds, or in some cases thousands, of people soon clutter our profile pages under our list of “friends.” But if you never talk or interact with any of these people in the real world; how much of a “friend” are they really?

Chances are they aren’t friends at all, but more acquaintances, associates or other. Still, most of us hardly think about that and continue to toss the word friend around like a Frisbee. Sometimes even I myself have been guilty of doing just that but I’m very well aware of who exists in my immediate circle of friends.

As I spent the weekend contemplating the meaning of friendship, I began to think of all the times I came across people who knew they were dealing with untrustworthy people but still kept them close. Not to be sexist or stereotypical, but most of the time it involved females.

I remember a time telling my homegirl I had bumped into one of her friends at a party and she promptly corrected me by saying, “She’s not my friend.”

I was confused because I had seen these two women hanging out together on numerous occasions. In fact, I had met them together and the “friend” in question was pretty much introduced as such. Still, my homegirl clarified, “No, she’s my ‘frienemy.’”

It was a hard concept for me to grasp. I mean, why keep someone around that you clearly don’t trust? This leads to scenarios where people smile in each other’s face and then talk mess about them behind their back. Sometimes it’s mutual, other times one person might actually think of the other person as a friend only to discover they’re anything but.

I’ve seen this kind of cattiness rear its ugly head amongst women more times than I can count. This one doesn’t like that one because of XYZ then they get their other “friends” to agree and it spirals into one big mess. For the most part, I haven’t seen this behavior happen much amongst men; we’re pretty much straight shooters. I don’t like you and you don’t like me.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Of course there are people I used to be really close with but for whatever reason I just outgrew them or they outgrew me. I think that’s pretty standard in life. It’s rare for people to remain tight for a lifetime because we all change every day based off our experiences. The person I was in high school is far different than the man I am today; so why would my choice of friends be the same?

With all honesty, my closest friends today are not people I grew up with but people I met in my adult years. In fact, both of my best friends are guys I met at work. Some may find that odd, but I chalk it up to bonding over common interests and forming lifelong bonds in the process.

How many true friends do you have? How long have they been in your life? Do you feel that maintaining childhood friendships for a lifetime is hard? Do you find it odd to become best friends with someone you met at work? Do you think it makes sense for people to classify certain people as frienemies? Do you find that women have way more issues maintaining friendships than men? Could you consider someone you didn’t completely trust your friend? How much influence do you think technology and “friend lists” are having on how people define friends? How do you define the word friend?

Speak your piece…

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Tagged as: associates, FaceBook, friend, frienemies, frienemy, social media, trust

http://thecandyshoppe.wordpress.com Ronnie6676

I actually have always had a hard time making real friends. Have always been popular so tend to have tons of acquaintances. My last best friend was high school and when her and I fell apart (long dramatic story that I will probably write about one day). Since then I have at most 2-3 friends that have been in my life for the past 10 years. But we don't talk or see each other alot. However we all know that if something goes down we can depend on each other. And that I think is what makes true friends.
Rouge Thought

I think we often mislabel what and who are friends. I know I've either lost or relabeled many in my life to the point that I feel that I only have 1 true friend and we are still getting to know each other met about a year ago through one of my 4 remaing friends. Of those 4 one I met at work, one at the gym, and the other 2 went to elementary know with me (we met again as adults accepted each other as is today and not what we knew from back then.)
And yes women do tend to have frenimies, it's one of those keep your enemies closer kind of thing. I don't do that if I don't like you I cut ties. But I also won't go out of my way to hurt a hurts. So it's not a matter of smiling in her faces and talking about her behind her back. I'll be civil and assist if necessary, to whatever capacity our interactions deem appropriate, ie work, school, extended family member. But thatis as far as it goes. What the other person does is not my concern.

That's is most likely why women hold grudges or at least that's how it seems. I know that I won't give more information than is neccessary to a person I can't trust, again depending on why I know this person. Because if I don't have to interact with a person I don't trust I won't. But if I have to I will know why I am not to trust a person, call it a grudge if you'd like but I just use it as a reminder to not get drawn in to what I already is not a good situation.
paulette_bajan_gal

I can count on one hand my real friends.I grew up with all of them so we've known each other almost our whole lives.

Most of the folk I know are acquaintances.Rarely speak on the phone...if ever.Never been to each other's house etc, etc.The word "friend" is thrown around a lot to describe just about anybody.

I prob know 2 of yours.But I fall in that "she is a friend of his ex-girlfriend so we won't invite her to anything" category.lol.You guys do play that game also.Admit it NWSO.
Distinguished Gentlewoman

I have two REAL friends. These are people I consider family. One I met in school at 11 and the other I met at work. In some cases I feel closer to them than I do with blood relatives. We have had each other's backs over the years; that's more than I can say for some of my blood kin. The one I met in school and I had a misunderstanding a few years ago and stopped communicating until I "found" her on Facebook. We actually just had a long chat about our friendship over the years and the fact that, even though we had not spoken for years, I still and will always consider her family.

And, NWSO, just for the record, guys play the same game that women do. They're just better at hiding their true feelings.
Spinster

I'm lucky to have maybe 5 true friends, most of whom are women. The lengths vary from 5 years to almost 20 years. I can't identify with the whole cattiness/jealousy thing because I don't associate with people like that. I value true sisterhood, and yes, it IS possible.

As far as technology goes, that's a grey area because some people are able to form close friendships online, while at the same time others are able to differentiate between who's a real friend and who's just an online acquaintance.
StoryofaWoman

I don't think that it's unusual that your best friends are people that you met at work, my best friend, who I talk to every single day, I knew of her through my little sister (they went to the same school and are about the same age), but we became closer when we started working together. It's actually easy, getting a bite to eat after work turns into getting a drink after work, which turns into hanging out on the weekends, etc. I do feel you NWSO what you were saying about having someone in your life who you think is a "friend" when they are really an associate. True and funny story: I met a girl in school about 4 years ago and we started talking on the phone outside of class. Over the years we have hung out every now and then, but I have considered her my "friend". About a month or two ago, this person asked me if I could rent a car for her boyfriend for a week so that he could start his new job (he lied and told his employer that he didn't have traspo issues when he really did, and he couldn't rent one because his license was suspended). She said she would give me the cash up front and I told her I had to think about it. I did and I didn't feel comfortable because I really doubted that she had that amount of cash on her (it would have been about $400 to rent a car for a week plus pay for their insurance and deposit) and I didn't want to be stuck with paying for anything, I also felt that that wasn't my problem that her man couldn't get to work, and more importantly, I did not feel comfortable with putting my name on the line. I didn't know how to tell her so I called her the next day and left a message saying to call me and that I didn't feel comfortable in doing that, but I hoped everything worked out. Didn't hear back from her...... I have realized that this person might not have been a true friend, because a friend wouldn't ask a friend to put their ass out there unless it was extremely detrimental, and in this case it wasn't. She acted like what she was asking me was something simple, but if she in fact had a bank account and credit herself she wouldn't have asked me to do that. And the fact that she got mad enough to not return my phone calls shows that she didn't really regard me with that much respect anyway. So no hurt feelings here, but it does make me sift through my friends and make sure that they actually deserve that title......
reginaslim

I am fortunate enough to have a tight group of 6 friends.I have known some of these women mainly from middle school, high school, or work. Usually, my friends end up befriending each other and hang out even when I'm not around. I am truly fortunate to know such a remarkable group of women who always have my back and vice versa. True friendship is hard to come by but in that aspect of my life, I am truly blessed!
Rastaman

I always go by the edict that "friends are the family, you would have chosen" and that is how learned to approach friendships. People I know who don't meet that criteria are acquaintances. Acquaintances often graduate to become friends but my true friends are for life.

Growing up around my mother and 2 sisters I have always been puzzled by women's "friendships". They often seem so tenuous, a cauldron of competing interests that rose and swayed like a boat on a stormy sea. You would often hear play by play on the ups and downs of the friendships regarding real and imagines slights. Those friendships in my mind seemed way too emotional and draining to be desireable. If there are men out her as someonee mentioned who are having similar types of "friendships" with others, I must confess I don't know any men like that. My friends are the one's who got my back if we got to throw down, I can ask for moving help, pick me up at the airport, front me money and would drive hundreds of miles to help me out and I would do the same for them. I am certain there are other things they would consider but I have never had to ask. They probably number around 5 in total ranging from 30 years to 10 years of friendship.

Men on a whole tend to envy most women's ability to strike up friendships at the drop of a hat. Take them somewhere and they are talking to chick sitting beside them and by the end of the night they exchanging number and making plans to do something together. But we also know 9 out of 10 times we will be hearing how trifling that Btch is and how she thinks she better than her in short period of time. Seems very tiring in my estimation but I am sure there is some dynamic going on there I don't understand.

90 percent of the people I know, I consider associates or acquaintances. Not because they may not be good friend material but because we never established that kind of connection. These are relationships with very strict boundaries where expectations and familiarity are managed. I have never been disappointed by my associates and acquaintances because I have a very limited expectation of them. I have been surprised but never disappointed.
Mimi

There are two people that are in my life, which I consider to be my best friends; my true friends.
I wish this commentary would've been available to me, when I was a kid in high school. It could've save me four years (and my self-esteem) of being friends with four individuals, who used me as their "punching bag" for their mind games and bullying.
RCTuri

How many true friends do you have?

4.

How long have they been in your life?

One for 15 years, one for 12 years, one for 5 years and one for 2 years.

Do you feel that maintaining childhood friendships for a lifetime is hard?

I've never had a bunch of childhood friendships.

Do you find it odd to become best friends with someone you met at work?

Yes. I come to work to do that, work. Not to make friends. If it so happens, fine. If not, no big deal.

Do you think it makes sense for people to classify certain people as frienemies?

I would not want to knowingly have a frienemy. It's either we're friends, associates or acquaintances.

Do you find that women have way more issues maintaining friendships than men?

Seems like it. Women do too much.

Could you consider someone you didn’t completely trust your friend?

That's tricky. Some people do suspect things but truly don't feel that it was suspect. Also you have to have realistic expectations. You have to know who you can count on for what and be okay with that. Someone who is not able to be "superfriend" doesn't mean they can't still be your friend. I had to learn that.

How much influence do you think technology and “friend lists” are having on how people define friends?

Friend is just a technicality on FB. What the true definition of friend is to me only matters when it comes to those who I know are my TRUE friends. They know what it is. I'll use the term loosely but I know who my real peoples are and they are the ones I've listed above.

How do you define the word friend?

Those who have your back, encourage you when things are rough and keep their promises/word.
scorpio temptress

When I was a freshman in college there was 10 today there is 1! LOL My grandmother often warned me about carelessly labeling people as a "friend". I have one friend that is always there for me whenever I need her. She never complains and I can count on her for just about anything and I would do the same for her. My other female aquaintances are just that aquaintances. I am Happy I know the difference. My boyfriend is my best friend I share my inner most feelings with him I enjoy hanging with him more than anybody else and between my one girlfriend and him thats all I need
AD

I agree with everyone here regarding labeling people as your friend. I learn at an ealry age that everyone is not your friend and you must be able to distuguish between them. Overall, I'm friends with NONE of my high school friends (its amazing how you think ya'll will be friends forever and one day you wonder 'who are you?') and just got out of touch with my college friends (hell, everybody got married, kids and moved a couple of states from each other). At this point in my life, its not about making friends its about letting people who are spritualy and mentally compatible into my world. And at this point it is less than the fingers on my hand!

NWSO, what do you call us followers of your blog?
- A.D.
http://tastyconvo.blogspot.com Vaughny

I did a couple of similar posts as this on my blog this year. I agree with this. The word friend is used very loosely and in the same instance, a person's definition and requirements behind the concept of friendship, I have found, tend to be totally different. This whole "frienemy" crap is what it is, CRAP! If you can't trust the person, he or she is NOT a friend. Somehow, someone created these words that are supposed to be "middle grounds" for what a situation really is...like there's this new trend to create gray areas that allow people to escape reality. It's paradoxical.

My current best friend and I have been friends since we were 6yrs old, we're both now 29. We are also 16 days a part and haven't grown a part. It is possible to have childhood friends that move with you into your adult life. It's all in how strong your bond is and the requirements you have place with that person. This "frienemy" stuff is straight BS!
R.e.D

When I was in high school, I had 2 best friends. At 30, I no longer use the word and I don't really speak to those women anymore. My pops used to tell me to expect the least from people, that way, anything you get is a plus. If I had taken this advice in high school and not expect so much, I would have saved myself loads of pain. The stories behind these fall-outs are just too long.

What the hell is a frenemy anyway, I mean really? Honestly, if I don't like you, chances are, you can feel it. I'm very sociable, but I'm not fake, so I cannot have women around me that I don't like or don't like me. Now what you are talking about in the post happens a lot. Example: If I have a friend that I work/went to school with, chances are they too have their own set of friends. So we may all get together for various social events. Now these people and I may be in the same circle, go out together etc, however, we are not friends. We just have a mutual connection. So I don't think grown women keep frenemies-unless they like drama- but we have all been out socially with people that are friends of a friend, even if we are not too fond of that person. NWSO, paulette is calling you out, lol!!

I've been blessed with wonderful friends, male and female, that would do anything for me, as I would for them. I sat and wrote down their names, and it is ~6 people, 3 of which I have know since elementary and high school. One in particular, knows me better than anyone else does.

One last thing..In Thursday's post, you wrote about you being cool with the fact that your close friend at the time wanted to get with a woman you had slept with for 2 yrs on and off. I think I understand men fairly well, but for the life of me, I can never understand how men can be that intimate with someone for so long and it means absolutely nothing to them HOW? ( I had that H-town song stuck in my head all weekend too, lol)
rwifey

this makes me sad, to actually think about it, i've only called one female, best friend, and it was in high school. throughout, adulthood, women have come and gone throughout whatever season we were both in. i always try to see myself in them (you are what you attract), and i wonder why i attracted them, and i have always been ok the relationship faded away. never had men friends though
http://msblackmansbriefing.com MsBlackmanSays

How many true friends do you have?

Most of my true friends are family members (cousins), but outside of family I have about 10 true friends that I know will have my back no matter what.

How long have they been in your life? Most of them have been in my life for 20 yrs+.

Do you feel that maintaining childhood friendships for a lifetime is hard? My best friend and I have been friends since we were 12 (in the 7th grade) and we are going on almost 30 yrs together, even though we live in different states and have gone to different schools once we graduated high school. But it doesn't matter, we can go weeks without speaking and it's all good the next time we see each other or speak on the phone.

Do you find it odd to become best friends with someone you met at work? It might not be odd for others but it hasn't happened to me as of yet. I have very few "friends" from places where I worked.

Do you think it makes sense for people to classify certain people as frienemies? I wouldn't call them frienemies, I'd call them an acquaintance.

Do you find that women have way more issues maintaining friendships than men? Yes because women are catty, and many times if you do one thing that they don't like (major or minor) then they cut a person off.

Could you consider someone you didn’t completely trust your friend?
No they would be an acquaintance.

How much influence do you think technology and “friend lists” are having on how people define friends?
I think some people confuse people who they know or admire, or would like to know better as friends. I go through my "friend list" every month. If I haven't communicated with you in some form (phone, email, IM) then you're not really a "friend" so I de-friend you...nothing personal but I don't need the wasted space or the high "friend count".

How do you define the word friend?
A relationship where there is openness, honesty, trust, and love between you and that other individual.
grace

to the topic questions, i basically agree with everyone who's commented - true friends are friends, acquaintances are acquaintances, and co-workers are co-workers.

but...

i think i am in a situation that may shed some light on a 'frenemy' ... i was very close friends with a woman that i considered to be like a sister for about 10 years.
about three years ago (interestingly around the time of her job promotion) she began to feel that she had outgrown me and told me so.
we work together (started the job at the same time, that's how close we were), so we see one another often and socialize with other co-workers every once in awhile.
i'm polite and sociable, but my feeling is that our friendship is over and treat her accordingly.
now i'm beginning to sense her bitterness over getting the cold shoulder from me, and honestly i no longer trust her nearly as much as i once did. i almost positive she's tried to throw me under the bus more at the job more than once!
trust me, when closeness and love turn to resentment, contempt, envy or even hate, friends can become frenemies!
http://www.nwso.net NWSO

Well, I definitely don't call y'all/em "followers" that would sound like I have a God complex. LOL.

Truth be told, I don't know many of you in the real world and vice versa, so it would be presumptuous to call folks "friends." However, there are some online acquaintances here that are dear to my heart, but it's still strictly work-related for lack of a better word. lol

Not like we're playing pool on Saturdays. Despite my openness here, I'm still a very private person believe it or not. But most of y'all are like digital family (that I don't visit LOL).
http://www.nwso.net NWSO

Like I said, it was a strictly physical relationship. One that she proposed, I merely maintained my part of the deal. As for how, if you know someone is not right for you outside of scratching an itch why fool yourself into thinking there's more than a friendly scratch? lol.

That was many years ago and I view things differently now, but like I said if someone was willing to offer her more than a scratch it would be selfish of me to stand in the way of that being that I was unwilling and unable to do the same.
lola289

"Sox" or "Sockheads"! lol
lola289

Its funny...my lil cousin has tons of friends! Literally and we always talk about what friendship really means. She is still in high school, but she will one day realize that 600 friends on FB now equates to 5 or less after college!
I have always been a loner, but Ronnie, I have tons of acquaintances. My only problem is cultivating them into actual friendships.
I have a best friend since kindegarten...amazing but after moving and growing apart FB brought us back together!
Another BFF from High School that is like my sis and she also represents another side of me.
The other two are fairly new but we got a strong bond. Im the kind of person that tests ppl (an a**hole, if u will) so if you can get through that then I will ride and/or die w/ you 4life! lol
But I gotta say that I envy male friendships. Like RastaMan explained, it seems so easy and real! Prolly why I try so hard to have male friends but end up w/ dudes just tryin to be w/ me...
lola289

***"I have always been a loner, but Ronnie"
should instead be "I have always been a loner, but LIKE Ronnie"

Sorry for the errors
Worldwind

Always keep your enemies closer, this is the saying we have all heard growing up and especially follow as adults. A friend is someone you could go a week or so without talking to, but then when you do connect its like no time went by. I have always believed you are only going to have maybe 2 or 3 close friends throughout your life, some you have known since you were your kid and maybe 1 or 2 through adulthood (such as co-workers or college roommates). Now I only have 1 true friend I have know since childhood and admittedly we only had one fall-out. I have a really small family, so there really aren’t any aunts, cousins, etc and then I also only have one sibling so through the years I have had friends who came and went. People are put in your lives for a reason, it may last or not. I believe your truest friends are going to be those you grow up with but lead different lives, my true friend and I went to different schools (from elementary to college, even on to earning our Masters). We always had a separate group of friends, but we have always remained tight.

How many true friends do you have? 2

How long have they been in your life? 30 yrs / 10 yrs

Do you feel that maintaining childhood friendships for a lifetime is hard? Not really

Do you find it odd to become best friends with someone you met at work? Not at all

Do you think it makes sense for people to classify certain people as frienemies? Yes

Do you find that women have way more issues maintaining friendships than men? Definitely, women tend to be more controlling and jealous tendencies.

Could you consider someone you didn’t completely trust your friend? No

How much influence do you think technology and “friend lists” are having on how people define friends? A great deal

How do you define the word friend? Someone who would not down or talk about you, whose there through the bad and good times...Someone who would be sitting right next to you on the bench behind the jail bars
Jessica J

Dang I won't even sit here and act like I don't have a frenemy. I do have a "friend" like that and the only reason we still interact is this.....we became friends my first year of college. I recognized her as a backstabbing, habitual liar of a girl who could not be trusted and used everyone around her. We fell off for a while and we hooked back up just these past months but in all honesty, I know in my heart she's only my friend because I have things that she wants, so she'll play the buddy role as long as she can get in with me. At first I found this annoying but I took her fake friendship for the business deal it is because I can benefit from her also. So even though there's a friendship as fake as a wig between us, it doesn't bother me because I know now that she's not my real friend, I won't confide in her, if she ever wants to go it won't hurt me, but since she wants to stay thinking I don't know anything, I'll let her so I can benefit just like she thinks she will. It's whatever really. If she ever confessed her ways, and to the deceitful person she really is, then we could be real friends again and not have barriers. But as long as she is this evil person, I will be keeping her at arm's length, and she can smile in my face as long as she likes, because I don't let her in close enough to hurt me anymore. Her existence in my life now is like the parasite that hangs on the whale, eating food that swims by it, not hurting the whale, but catching a free ride and getting what it needs along the journey. I don't mind her catching a ride. But she don't even realize I don't even send that much food her way anymore. Get it?
Jaclyn

I'd have to agree that females tend to be more catty when it comes to friendship. I never understood that whole frenemy thing either...why have someone around that you cant stand...why have all that negativity around you constantly. I grew up having mostly guy friends so i think i came to expect too much from woman and that's prob why now i have few female friends and more guy friends. And even then I’d have to say even though I have many acquaintances, I have very few friend friends (5). On a side note it’s funny that this whole question of friendship came up. I'm contemplating ending a 20yr friendship because like the blogger stated it has become rather difficult maintain a friendship that you've had from childhood. He's right that people grow but unfortunately the truth is that some people dont and the continued drama seems to keep us in a state of high school drama, that to begin with I hated even then. I just can’t take it anymore and her stress has now become my stress. In the words of Lauran Hill..."it can all be so simple but you rather make it hard" seems to be her theme music. As I come to my decision and our lunch date draws closer surprisingly my stress level has gone down. I’m not sure if I’ll be ending the friendship because I’m also close to her family but definitely our friendship dynamic, such as me being her counselor, will def have to change. I’ll end it there because this has become more of a venting post then a comment. lol
R.e.D

I read this entire thing and no, I do not get it at all. This is child's play. You don't need people like that around you.
R.e.D

I do get it to a point, but my mind still cannot wrap entirely around the concept, even though I am fully aware of why men do it. Again, it is not the 'why' for me, it is the 'how'? But your answer is cool.
Jessica J

Your right I don't. But I don't have the heart the treat her like she's treated me. To lie, and use her up like she does me. Even with me keeping her around, I don't take anything for her or anything, and I sure don't offer her anything anymore. When I think about saying, "Get out of my life" it just puts a bad feeling on me that I don't want. She's not hurting me anymore, so I just feel like why not let her hang around. I'm not a fan of hurting people, even if they've hurt me.
Kara Nichell

I had to learn what real friends were,during high school anybody I talked and/or hung out with I considered a friend..it took me after I had graduated to look back and think of things the "friends" did or said that had me saying they were not really my friends since high school I have found out my best friend is my sister,she tells me what I need to here instead what I want to hear or what sounds good. I think women have more issues with friendship than because most men have a do not cross line.. its like yeah we boys but dont come to me with that senstive crap.
Shannon

I don't have any friends. I used to live by that old tried-and-true adage, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," but that got to be WAY too much work and effort and I just could not keep up with two women who spent too much of their time plotting.

The few friends I have now are more like acquaintances. I don't see them very much and hang out even less, maybe every few years. The word "friend" has become too loose and common, like the word "commitment"; it has taken such a serious hit that I don't think too many people think about what the word really means.

Not everyone you say hi to or go bowling with is a friend. I've had friends steal from me, try to get me fired from my work, and even throw themselves at my husband. I've had friends who copied my work in college and presented it as their own, nearly costing me my education until I was able to prove I was the original author and friends who committed a crime and then tried to frame me for it later. With friends like that, I sure as hell don't need enemies.

So I tried to keep a close eye on these friends, but after two years, the stress of having to hide my valuables and my purse in my own house, keeping these friends from throwing themselves at my man and setting me up for drugs and all, I decided it was time to dismiss them from my life for good when one stole my ID and then used it when she got busted for cocaine. It took me six months to finally get that fixed and now with my current schedule, I don't have time for friends anymore. I should socialize more, but I've found it easier to just stay to myself.
Elle

How many true friends do you have?
- 2 are the MAIN ones and like soulmates I would kill and die for, 2 more I am really close with.

How long have they been in your life?
- 20 years exactly.

Do you feel that maintaining childhood friendships for a lifetime is hard?
- Not in our case.

Do you find it odd to become best friends with someone you met at work?
- That never happened to me since I don't like to associate with folks at work. Don't know. I just don't trust them. As soon as money (or a career) is involved some folks will do everything they can to get ahead and I refuse to be a stepping stone.

Do you think it makes sense for people to classify certain people as frienemies?
- I've heard the term but quite frankly I ask "What's the point?" Why keep somebody around you don't like? Looks like a waste of time to me. I rather spend my precious time here on earth with people whom I care for and who care for me as well.

Do you find that women have way more issues maintaining friendships than men?
- Interestingly enough in my lifetime I have seen the opposite. All of the women's friendships I have experienced first or second hand go much deeper than the men's. They seem to just hang out and drink beer together but no real support is in place when times get rough. *shrug*

Could you consider someone you didn’t completely trust your friend?
- Never. That's just a person I know from ...

How do you define the word friend?
- Friends are the brothers and sisters WE get to choose. A friend can get my last penny, my kidney, my life.
http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

I totally and utterly agree with what you have written. I have 3 women in my life who I consider true friends. All of whom I've known since grade school. I've met other young women who I care a great deal about who could become life long friends but we are not there yet. I do feel maintaining childhood friendships is hard because we were both growing and changing. My best friend and I have been friend for over 20 years. And we have lost touch for a while but we always come back to each other. I don't find it hard to find friends at work. I have. They make the work day easier. I think the word frenemies is bogus B.S. the whole notion is bogus B.S. and they need to get rid of the B.S. Of course women have an issue with keeping friendships! It's that whole jealousy, trust, and katty issue that keeps women from being friends. Hell no I can't consider someone I don't trust a friend! I do think technolgy has dumbed down the meaning of what a friend should be. I define the word friend as the one person who knows and have seen all of your flaws and still decides to be seen with you anyway, who loves you unconditionally, and will say the things you don't want to hear, someone you can trust, and has your back.
http://undressingher.com undressingHER

I only call a person my friend who will 1) bail me out of jail. 2) rescue me out of a bad situation. 3) give me solid, honest advice. 4) always want the best for me regardless if we agree or not. With that said, I'd say I probably have 3 or 4 friends max, outside of family.
QuoteMan

I find it quite incredulous when people say they have no friends. IMO you gotta be one miserable individual to ended up with no friends. I understand some friends could be shady but I’ll tell you this, nobody can play you without your consent. Therefore, you could point the fingers all day, but you only get played cuz you allowed it.

I don’t have that one true friend; I’ve a crew, some are cool while others are jerks. The thing is I know what to expect from each one of them, so there’s never a surprise; we go way back.

“A friend in need is a friend indeed”

If I can say this about you then you’re my boy (or homegirl).
Tejan

I am finding out in my time of need, that many people I thought were my friends, were not, and that I really don't have any true friends at the moment, although a lot of great acquaintances and lots of people who were really using me and taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. A bit depressing actually. And I thought I could count on people. Apparently not.
bogart4017

I try and keep the number low as far as friends because too many people cause confusion. Besides i come from a very large family so i don't have time for a lot of friends.
Most of the friends i have i have had for the last 25 years or so. Those people in High School have floated on. I do see one on occasion but we werent really tight back then so we're not palsy-walsy today. And if i can't trust you, how can i consider you to be a friend?