Why Doesn’t He Like Phone Sex? (Long-Distance Love Fail)

Dear NWSO,

I've got a relationship question for you. I'm in a long distance relationship (don't judge me) with the guy of my dreams. We've known each other since high school (going on 15 years) and our chemistry is amazing. He's smart, funny, a voracious reader (one of my MUSTS), and very attentive in bed. The only problem is he won't participate in phone sex with me.

I just don't get it!

We have the most incredible sex whenever we see each other, which is about once a month, but in the meantime I need a little freaky phone sex every now and again to fill in the gaps. He claims he doesn't like it and changes the subject whenever I bring it up. But I can't help it. He has the sexiest voice and when we're up late at night talking on the phone, something just takes over me and all I can think about is fucking.

I've even suggested us getting a Skype account and he says he'd rather have the real thing. What gives? Most men I know LOVE sex—whether it's actually doing it or just talking about it. I'd love for you to use this as fodder for a post because I'm really tired of having to "handle things on my own," while pretending to listen to him talk about his day at work/the gym/etc. LOL!

Thanks in advance,

Magnolia Peach

Peace sis,

Interesting scenario. First off, why would I judge you for being in a long-distance relationship? Now, if you were in a long-distance relationship because your man was in jail, THEN you would be judged—and executed. LOL.

While it may be a shock to you and totally odd, some folks just aren't in to phone sex. I've had my fair share of ear-otic episodes (last week’s Wet Wednesdays was a nice account of how great that can be) and I can't front, there have been times where I completed my part of the “conversation” before the other party had reached her climax and all I wanted to do was go to sleep but I have to first talk my partner to her sexual eruption. If I'm done already it can be quite boring to go through the motions, especially if that post-nut itis kicks in.

TMI, I know.

Anyway, some folks just aren't into it because they think it's lame or maybe it's too “dirty” to them because of religious reasons or something like that. Whatever the case, if he's not into it there really isn't much you can do about it. What if he was adamant about something like anal and you weren't? I doubt you'd change your mind if it was something that just made you uncomfortable, so why should he?

Perhaps, for him, the anticipation leading up to your monthly hook up is part of what makes him so attentive when you guys are physical, because there's 29 days of uninterrupted build up. What it sounds like though is you just have a high sex drive and the distance is messing up your groove. Well, you can always just ear rape him.

What's that?

Well, I blogged about it for a Wet Wednesdays a while back (CLICK HERE).  Basically, if his voice is so sexy to you and he won't join in, you can easily let your fingers do the walking without his knowledge. He doesn't even have to be speaking dirty if it's his voice that does it for you, especially that late night bassy phone voice that guys get. You’re not listening to him anyway as you say so get yours quietly whether he wants to give you that "talk" or not.

Trust, I've done it and no one's been the wiser and I got what I wanted to hold me over ’til the real thing is available. If that's too freaky for you then just get your toys of joy out and have fun until one of y’all moves closer to each other. Aside from that you can't make him do something he doesn't want to do so you're basically screwed. Well… technically you're screwin’ yourself until your man comes home.

Good luck and have fun.

Could you be in a long-distance relationship where you had to wait a month to have sex? What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex while in a relationship? Would you use something like Skype to spice up a long-distance relationship? Do you expect sex on a regular basis when you’re in a committed relationship? Does anticipation amplify your lovemaking when it’s been a while for you and your partner? When it’s been a while do you want it nice and slow or fast and hard? How would you handle things of your long-distance partner wasn’t into phone sex? Would you feel offended if your partner ignored your advances over the phone?

Speak your piece…

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