Monthly Archives: September 2010

15 Things Every [Black] Woman Should Know About Men

WORDS BY TAZZ DADDY

Dear ladies,

I hope this letter finds you well. While I’m not an artist, I am a writer. So I thought I would take this time to let you know things that I feel every Black woman should know about Black men.

PLEASE NOTE: The views expressed below are those of @TazzDaddy and not those of your friendly neighborhood blogger NWSO.

1. We don’t think that every Black woman is a “bitch,” but we damn sure know the difference between a “bitch” and a “lady.”

It would behoove women to conduct themselves in a positive manner. Men don’t have time for a lot of slick talking and unnecessary debate. Next…

2. Your job doesn’t mean anything to us and neither does your title.

When men choose a mate, we’re more concerned with how she acts, and if she’s able to carry on a stimulating intellectual conversation about various subjects. I’m not going to say that we don’t care what you look like physically, because that would be lying. Men definitely care about how a woman looks; we’re just not as obsessed with it as you think we are.

3. We can’t stand your hair weaves!

We can’t touch your hair, let alone pull on it during sex for fear of “messing it up.” So many women start off the week with long beautiful hair, and by the end of next week there’s some brand-new hair sewn in. This totally baffles me and makes most men feel like you’re never satisfied with your image. When it comes to choosing a mate we don’t want an indecisive, self-conscious woman. And we all know you don’t want an indecisive self-conscious man!

4. We don’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends/husbands and how horrible they were to you.

We are not responsible for their mistakes, nor will we sit around and pay for them. If you have not given yourself enough time to get over your ex, do us a favor and seek psychological help before entering into a relationship with us. Thanks, management.

5. No respectable Black man respects Steve Harvey’s opinion on women.

This man is a professional comedian who’s backed by Oprah Winfrey. How can you take advice on relationships from man who tells jokes for a living and a woman who can’t commit to a man she’s been with for over 20 years? That’s as asinine as me, someone who’s not skinny, giving diet tips!

6. We know the difference between a wife and a jump-off.

We don’t need to hear you tell us how much of a “good woman” you are. That will be evidenced by the way that you carry yourself. Moving right along…

7. It’s true; all men are dogs!

What most women fail to realize is that all dogs have different pedigrees. It’s up to you to determine the difference between the poodles, the mongrels, the German shepherds, and the rabid pit bulls. Depending on the pedigree, some dogs are loyal and some dogs are wayward. The latter you should never touch because you could catch something like rabies!

8. We want a woman who’s going to be willing to submit to us.

Where women mess up is by thinking that men want a slave or a maid. A man who is bringing his A-game desires a cheerleader from the sidelines who can double as an assistant coach. We also want someone who can play wide receiver, as well as understand that there is only room for one quarterback. In layman’s terms, we don’t want you behind us, we want you beside us. We need women who are able to support our dreams and our vision without all of the nagging and jaw jacking that tends to come with some sistas.

9. Your girlfriends have absolutely no business in our relationship/marriage!

A lot of today’s modern women feel like they need someone to cosign every decision they make in their relationship/marriage. This annoys the living daylights out of every Black man I know, including myself. That goes double for your male “best friend.” This guy either wants to sleep with you (and you’re unaware of it) or he already has in the past. Either way, he DAMN SURE doesn’t need to know what’s going on in our relationship/marriage!

10. Sex and children are not weapons!

If you manipulate a man by using sex and children, you will eventually find yourself by yourself! Or, there’s the alternative: you find yourself with a man who truly doesn’t want to be with you but has no choice because he wants to see his child. When it comes to sex, it can only hold a weak man hostage. Strong men who have their lives together understand that they have many options. Some of which, are better options than you are.? #RealTalk

11. Mind games never work!

Even if a woman manages to manipulate a man, sooner or later he’ll become aware of her manipulation and he’ll resent her for it. Thinking that you’re slicker than a can of oil only leads to you slipping up. Men respect women who can be open and honest with them. After all, isn’t that what you want in a man?

12. Don’t go through our phones/computers/cars without our permission.

When a woman chooses to become a private detective in her relationship/marriage, she’s telling her man/husband that she doesn’t have any trust in him at all! Once the trust is broken, you have nothing left to stand on in your relationship. You’re not Sherlock Holmes, you are not Nancy Drew, and you damn sure aren’t Joey Greco from the TV show Cheaters. If you have questions and concerns, open your mouth and address him like an adult. If you can’t do this, and you feel the need to snoop, you might as well leave the relationship.

13. If you have one or more friends who are a slut, most men will tend to believe that you’re probably one as well.

While that sounds particularly harsh, it’s how most men’s brains are wired. Even if you’re not a slut or a whore, why would you condone the behavior of your “friend” who acts like one? That makes as much sense as a man who has a friend that doesn’t take care of his children or cheats on his wife. If you’re a woman with even the smallest ounce of self-respect, you’d question us about the company we keep the same way that we’d question you if you had a friend who was as open as a Waffle House in the middle of Georgia.

14. Don’t listen to the media!

As a broadcast professional of over 20 years, I can assure you that when information is put out about Black men and women, it is done for one purpose and one purpose alone: ratings! The media is in the business of ratings, revenue and entertainment. That doesn’t include serving the Black community and Black women in a way that will uplift and empower them. Black men are not all gay or on the “down low.” Black men are not all in jail/prison! There are plenty of us who are educated, eligible, hard working and who are willing to love you unconditionally if given the chance. You have to be willing to come to the realization that your “knight in shining armor” may come in the form of a plumber, mail carrier, or small business owner.  If you spend your life waiting on the float with Mr. Universe on it, you’re going to miss the entire parade!

15. Stop using Beyoncé as a life coach!

In recent years, Beyoncé, along with several other R&B artists, have made these “women’s empowerment anthems” that have led women to believe that they can throw us “to the left, to the left.” Contrary to public opinion and prior belief, if you “bust the windows out of a men’s car,” we’re going to press charges against you. If you spend your time looking for a “sponsor,” and honestly believe that, “if we liked it then we should’ve put a ring on it,” you truly don’t understand what we’re all about! To us when we hear a woman say that she wants a “sponsor,” we hear that she’s trying to use her vagina and good looks for money. Believe it or not, most men don’t want a prostitute. Also, when we love you, that’s when we’ll “put a ring on it” and not a minute before we’re ready! Finally, Beyoncé may talk a good game on records and in videos, but what most women fail to realize is that she’s a very happily married woman! She’s also the same woman who wrote “Cater to You,” but for some strange reason women don’t run around quoting that one.

Ladies, these views are my personal take on things that my friends and I have always had issues with when it comes to Black women. I hope you take this letter in the spirit of honesty, and not turn it into an attack on all Black Women. You’re loved, honored, and respected, but like some Black men, some of you need to get it together.

What did you think of Tazz Daddy’s views? Were they on point or way off base? Do women care more about what their mate does for a living than men? Do you ever find yourself comparing your ex to your current or has that happened to you? Are women to quick to believe the hype of advice books by folks like Steve Harvey? Do you think all men are dogs? Are you willing to submit to your partner? Are you guilty of involving your friends in your relationship? Has Beyoncé led women astray?

Speak your piece…

@TazzDaddy is an award-winning cultural specialist, radio personality, lecturer and author. His latest book, “Common Sense Ain’t Common,” is available for pre-order at TazzDaddy.com.

Do You Appreciate the Little Things? (Flashes of Heaven)

Whether you believe in an afterlife or not, I think we all get flashes of heaven in different forms right here on Earth. It can be as simple as witnessing the birth of your first child, a smile from a beautiful person from across a crowded room, a kind gesture from a stranger, or a brief experience of true love.

These moments are pure, unfiltered and typically only come in rare, albeit brief, spurts. So we have to treasure them in the moment, because the bliss contained within those fleeting seconds, minutes, days or months (if we’re that lucky) are just flashes of heaven.

I had a flash of heaven once. It was a deep, vibrant, immaculate burst of light. So pure, so perfect, that it blinded me.

No, not in a harmful or hurtful way.

In fact, I basked in this loss of vision. This chance to let go. I embraced the sanctity of what I was experiencing, because losing sight of what typically held my focus awakened my other senses. Made me more human and less of an automaton.

Parts of me that I had left untapped for far too long were now in active use.

A flash, however, can only last but so long. Sooner or later, the light begins to dim and it fades away to exist only in memory.

#Sigh

Despite the eventual departure, though, a flash of heaven is better than nothing at all—especially for someone living in hell.

Have you ever experienced a flash of heaven? If so, who or what was the spark for that experience? What classifies as a flash of heaven for you? Have you ever been so deep in love that nothing else even mattered when you were with that person? How often do you take time out to appreciate the little things in life? What did you think of this different approach to Wet Wednesdays?

Speak your piece…

SONG OF THE DAY:
Lauryn Hill feat. D’Angelo “Nothing Even Matters”

Disrespectful Roommate (Is It OK to Walk Around Naked?)

It’s no secret that I don’t like dating people with roommates. If you read my hilarious post “2 Guys, 1 Couch” (CLICK HERE) then you’ll know part of my reason why. Well, here’s just more fuel to the fire.

I was watching one of those judge shows the other day and there was a case where two former roommates/friends were suing each other. I forget what the legal matter was but apparently the Defendant slept with the Plaintiff’s boyfriend and was now dating him. The Plaintiff found out when she came home one day and found them cuddled up on the couch like nothing was wrong. She had long suspected something was up because her boyfriend would be at the house when she wasn’t there but wanted to believe her so-called “friend” wouldn’t do her like that.

Clearly she was wrong.

As the case went on, the Plaintiff explained how the Defendant would always walk around the house in her booty shorts (CLICK HERE to cop your NWSO boy shorts). It wasn’t a problem when it was just the two of them home, but she felt it was disrespectful to do it in front of her boyfriend, who would visit often. Especially since she had a tendency to be all up in his face and always seemed to need to go to the bathroom or kitchen a lot more whenever he was over.

The Defendant’s defense: “It was my house and I can wear what I want.”

True indeed. I’m known for walking around in my boxers in the privacy of my own home, but whenever company’s over I make myself more presentable. It’s only right.

Now, I never had a roommate but I’d assume he/she would extend the same courtesy if I had company over. I’d be damned if my muscle bound roomie would be walking around shirtless in Speedos in front of my girl. Actually, even if there wasn’t a lady over I’d have a serious problem with that spectacle and one of us would have to move.

Ultimately, it all comes down to respect of your roommate’s personal space and that of their guests. If you know your roommate has a tendency for stealing people’s boyfriends and likes to prance around in her panties or even in the nude, then you shouldn’t be surprised when she does just that when your man is over.

Is it disrespectful? Yes.

Should a roommate show more tact? Most definitely.

But if your nudist roommate pays rent and you knowingly bring your partner around; who’s more at fault? The bigger issue is clearly whether or not you trust your roomie and your partner around them. If the answer is no to both scenarios then don’t even set yourself up for the drama. You not only need a new roommate (or to live on your own), but you’d also need a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

By the way, the judge ruled in the Defendant’s favor so she walked away Scott free with her roomie’s man on her arm. I guess the Plaintiff was just guilty of being dumb and blind.

Case closed.

Do you think it’s disrespectful for a roommate to walk around half-naked in front of your BF/GF? How would you approach him/her about the issue? What house rules should be a given when you have a roommate? If you had a roommate known for sleeping around would you trust him/her around your partner alone? Are you basically asking to get cheated on if you do? Do you walk around half-naked in the privacy of your own home? Do you feel you have to adjust what you wear when your roommate has company? Or do you believe that paying rent gives you the right to wear what you want?

Speak your piece…

6 Things Women in Love Do (How Guys Know She’s the One)

Image courtesy of Alephunky

WORDS BY MSBLACKMAN

I was immediately intrigued by the title of NWSO’s post “6 Things Men In Love Do (Does He Really Like Me?)” when I first saw it via Twitter last week. Based on my own previous relationships I could agree with some of things that were written (i.e. the guy calling, listening, doing something he wouldn’t normally) but had to disagree on a few others (i.e. I hate shopping and I know some dudes that have never cried or just don’t do it). So while NWSO made a good attempt (kudos, smile), at the same time, I think he should have polled some male readers and/or his personal friends to get some other viewpoints as well.

Anywho… After reading that particular post, it got me thinking about how I knew I was really in love with my previous boyfriend. I actually had a similar convo with one of my close girlfriends the weekend before last on the things women do for the men they love, so here’s my list of “6 Things Women in Love Do.”

NOTE: This is my list, so some women/men may agree, some may not (#kanyeshrug) but here goes:

SHE’LL COOK FOR YOU

Now before any ladies try to “go in” on me, let me explain my POV. I know a number of single women (myself included) who might be cool eating cereal for dinner, or a PB&J sandwich after a long day at work. Sure, she may know how to make a few meals (e.g. fried/baked chicken, lasagna, etc.) or she might be a freakin’ chef, but for the most part she’s not throwing down in the kitchen just for herself. Yes, there are a few sisters who will, but you get my drift.

The saying goes that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” and I’d agree that that’s about 75-80% true for most men. So when a woman is in love, trust me, she’ll go that extra mile to “throw down” in the kitchen for her man. If she can’t cook, she may sign up for cooking lessons or if she’s “in good” with the family take lessons from his mom/aunt/sister on that home cooking he might be used to (e.g. mom’s famous sweet potato pie). Regardless if she can or can’t cook, she’s going to make sure that her man knows that the kitchen is definitely one room (among many) that she knows her way around.

SHE’LL LEARN ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE SPORT

This one applies to the man who actually enjoys sports, because as I’ve learned over the years is that not all men do. Personally speaking, I’m crazy about sports—I love football, basketball, among a number of other sports—so for ladies like me this rule may/may not apply.

Many women have to deal with losing part of their weekend with their man during sports season because he’s either chillin’ with the boys watching a game, or, even if he’s home with you, his focus is on the TV. So to increase that quality time on the weekends with their boo or to get invited to attend that game (instead of him taking his best boy) many women will learn the “ins and outs” of their man’s favorite sport, including the players on his favorite team, watching and keeping track of drafts, joining a fantasy league, etc., because they love that man.

For the lady who’s already a lover of sports, she may try to learn more about the team he loves (if she isn’t a fan) so she can show she cares about her man. Or, let’s say she loves sports but not the one he loves (e.g. boxing) she may host a fight party at her place and learn a little bit about the sport and some of its key figures because she loves him.

SHE’LL WATCH/DO SOMETHING SHE WOULDN’T NORMALLY

I couldn’t disagree with NWSO’s argument here. Just as men are particular about certain movies and TV shows so are women. For many men sports is just as important to them as shopping is to some women. A lot of men I meet are crazy about the newest action or horror flick that’s opening this weekend, where a woman might be more interested in seeing The Notebook (great movie by the way) but she’ll cringe through the blood and gore, or the boring plot of Transformers 2 because she loves her man and wants to be supportive of what interests him.

Just like how NWSO has been roped into watching one-too-many reality shows, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been roped into watching Entourage (sorry, not a huge fan), Animal Planet, a political commentary show (take your pick), or some zany series on the SPIKE network. But like many men, we women will sit there and endure the 30-90 minutes because that time is all about you boo!

CLICK HERE to continue reading…

Could Antoine Dobson Have Stopped Eddie Long? #QOTD

This started as a random Twitter thought but since folks have been hitting me about the whole Eddie Long scandal I figured this would be an interesting way to address it. So I’ve resurrected my Question of the Day (#QOTD) series to ask: Could Antoine Dobson Have Stopped Eddie Long?

It’s not a 100% real question because we know how Antoine gets down and “he gon’ find you, he gon’ find you.” #RunTellThatHomeboy. But seriously, I’d like to hear folks’ thoughts on the allegations against Eddie Long and the tendency for accusations of inappropriate behavior with young boys (and girls) seems to be so prevalent in the church.

Speak your piece…

Would You Eat Somewhere the Board of Health Shutdown?

Anyone that’s ever been to a Chinese takeout spot pretty much knows what to expect: cheap food with a side of bad service. Still, if you live in an urban community, chances are you’ve ordered your fair share of General Tso’s chicken, fried rice or lo mein. It’s not the healthiest meal in the world by far, but on a I-don’t-feel-like-cooking night it hits the spot and for just over/under five bucks it won’t hit your pockets.

Problem is most Chinese spots are not the most cleanly you’ll come across. The chairs and counters look like they’re layered in grease and floors look like they’ve been mopped with the same murky water for years. Despite the potential sanitary limitations, people often overlook them because they’ve convinced themselves that this spot, which has been selected as your favorite for whatever arbitrary reason, is different from the other Chinese restaurants your neighborhood offers (usually across the street).

Although I opt to cook more or just make the trek to the jerk chicken/pizza shop these days, I still have a Chinese food spot around the way that I’ve learned to “trust.” It earned that distinction after passing my chicken & broccoli with garlic sauce test soon after I moved back to Brooklyn. However, I recently discovered that my trust was misplaced.

Pulling a few late nights at the office the past week and change I didn’t pay much attention to the partially closed gate at the my old faithful Chinese spot. It wasn’t until I walked by midday this past weekend and noticed a big bold “Grade Pending” sticker plastered on the glass of the front door. Apparently the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene had paid my “trusted” Chinese spot a visit and they didn’t pass inspection.

Ewww!

Needless to say you won’t find me patronizing that establishment anytime soon (or ever again for that matter). However, when I walked by again a few moments later I noticed several kids sitting down not three feet from the “Grade Pending” sticker just waiting for their order.

Wait, did I miss something? Did they not see or care that this place was shut down by the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene and is still awaiting word on whether or not they’re fit for serving food to humans?

Apparently, they missed the memo.

As did the swarms of folks I’ve seen inside ordering food each night as I walk home. I check to see if perhaps the big red sticker on the door is gone, signaling some semblance of sanitary correctness, but to my chagrin nope, the “Grade Pending” warning is still there and boldly ignored.

I’m still unsure if that’s just a sign of blind ignorance or just not caring. Either way I find it a tad disturbing that people would knowingly patronize an establishment that just failed inspection. Sure, the fact that the owners know that the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene is watching now probably means they’ve stepped up their sanitary conditions and the fact that I, along with dozens of others, greedily ate there with no qualms prior to the warning sticker, but still that couldn’t be me.

But people are sheep. I saw it happen last summer when news broke that the popular summertime hangout spot in Brooklyn, Habana Outpost, was guilty of numerous health code violations, including improper hand washing and bare hand contact with ready-to-eat foods, cross-contamination of food and food equipment, among several other troubling findings. Still, Habana Outpost remains the hotspot of the summer and even charges folks just to stand in their courtyard now.

Knowing what I now know, I won’t be patronizing Habana or my local Chinese spot for food again. I may find another spot to fill my grilled corn and General Tso’s fix, but who’s to say those places haven’t failed an inspection or two themselves. Well, what I don’t know can’t hurt me, right?

Sometimes, I guess ignorance is bliss.

Would you knowingly eat at a restaurant after it failed a Department of Health and Mental Hygiene inspection? Would it matter of this was one of your favorite places to eat? Would you feel more comfortable if you saw other people eating there again? Do you trust food from Chinese takeout spots? What about food trucks where the workers don’t have access to bathrooms or running water? Have you ever gotten sick or food poisoning after eating at a hole in the wall spot? Would you call the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene on a suspect spot? Do you feel you can really trust any restaurant to maintain sanitary conditions?

Speak your piece…

CLICK HERE to check restaurants in the NYC area. Feel free to Google search for the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene in your area.

Is It Wrong to Sleep With Two People in One Day?

I have a confession to make: I’ve had sex with two women in the same day. I know how bad that sounds, but it wasn’t my fault.

See, what had happened was…

This was back in my youthful days and I had made plans to hang out with two lovely ladies on consecutive days. Bachelorette No. 1 we’ll call Malika, and Bachelorette No. 2 we’ll call Sandy. I’d had intimate relations with both of them in the past, but wasn’t tied to either one presently.

Malika and I met up on a Friday night for dinner and drinks. As we conversed over cocktails, there was plenty of flirtation and reminiscing on our past physical chemistry. As the night drew to a close I threw out an offer for one last fling “for old time’s sake” and Malika bit. So we journeyed out to my bat cave and recreated the magic we remembered in the bedroom.

Now, I knew I had a date with Sandy the next day and there was a strong possibility that our Saturday night could end in a similar fashion, but I was banking on the 24-hour difference (give or take a stroke) being enough buffer between booty calls and I could avoid being labeled a “nasty, dirty dick muthaf*cka.”

Malika had other plans.

I awoke the following morning to Malika’s hands exploring the contents of my boxers. My mind was telling her no, but my body, my body was telling her yes.

I found myself in a moral conundrum. My date with Sandy was in several hours and there was a strong possibility that I might end up getting some, but here was a half-naked Malika (with socks on) primed and ready for an early morning quickie right here and now.

Decisions, decisions…

I tried to weasel out of taking it there, but Malika was the kind of woman that really didn’t take no for an answer. Plus, I was hard as a rock and there was no way she was going to let something as precious as that go to waste. Besides, who was I to deny her one final stroke of the magic stick. So I grabbed another condom from the nightstand and did the dirty deed.

Once Malika left my apartment and took her walk of shame, I showered thoroughly, trying to wash the familiar smell of sex and guilt off. A few hours later I was at the movies with Sandy and then off to a nearby restaurant for dinner.

The date was going well and seemed to be heading in a similar direction as last night’s outing, but I really wasn’t trying to go there. I’m all for guaranteed pucci but I just never wanted to be one of those guys that slept with women back-to-back. Still, Sandy had her heart and womanly parts set on being satisfied by yours truly that night and, once again, who was I to deny her.

It’s not like I could just come out and say, “Hey, can I get a rain check because the other girl I was screwing last night wanted a morning session so I’ve filled my pucci quota for the week.” Something like that would get me slapped and probably get my coochie coupon forever revoked, so against better moral judgment I slept with Sandy, condom in place and minus any oral activities.

Although three assisted nuts in 24-hours was a pleasurable experience, this definitely wasn’t one of my proudest moments. To my knowledge, neither woman ever knew about the other’s proximity to the same penis in such a short time span but I did and it’s been my dirty little secret ’til now.

My life, your entertainment.

How would you feel if the person you were sleeping with had sex with someone else within 24 hours of seeing you? Would you be more upset to find out they had sex before or after sleeping with you? Would you rather be the first or second? Would it make a difference if it were two days apart? If you had back-to-back dates and got lucky on the first would you still have sex with the second dater or make an excuse to reschedule?
Would your ego be hurt if you were trying to have sex with someone and they refused? Would you rather know the reason was because they had sex for the day already or think they just weren’t into you? What would you have done in my situation?

Speak your piece…

6 Offensive Words That Shouldn’t Be (Why So Serious?)

During the course of my life (and doing this blog in particular) I’ve learned a lot about people and how sensitive they can be about certain things. The usual cause of most miscommunication comes from words, both written or spoken.

I’ve always been of the belief that words have no meaning unless the person using them and the one hearing them agree on what’s being said. For instance, if an alien came down from the sky and I pointed at a piece of debris on the ground and said “rock.” I know what I meant when I uttered that word, but what if he/she had a word in their language that sounded like “rock” but meant something totally different?

What we’d have there is a failure to communicate.

The same line of thinking has often been applied to the N-word. Some feel the meaning changes to a term of endearment when the “er” suffix is replaced with an “a.” I’ve always looked at it from a perspective of intent. While I personally refrain from using either variation of the word as much as possible in my everyday speak (save for quoting a song lyric or in moments of excitement/anger) I look at the intention of the person using it and how it happens to strike my ear at the moment.

I once had a co-worker of the Caucasian persuasion that had been known to use it from time to time. He and I were cool and he grew up in a Black neighborhood as the only White kid and his Black friends used it frequently in his presence and to describe him. With that knowledge, anytime he said it around me I knew he didn’t mean it with any malice or with malicious intent. We both agreed on the definition being that of a hip-hop term used in endearment.

When it comes to the N-word people will often have to agree to disagree on its usage and how offensive it is. Today, however, I want to bring up a few terms that I initially didn’t view as being offensive, either due to my own ignorance or just not being that sensitive about its usage.

CHUBBY CHASER
About two years ago I decided to show love to the plus-size sisters by doing an “Ode to the Big Girl.” However, my good intentions were quickly derailed when I made the mistake of using the term “chubby chaser” in the opening sentence. Four comments in I was quickly scolded for using such an offensive phrase. I honestly had no clue that it would be taken that way, but other than here for the sake of today’s post, I haven’t used it since.

MA’AM
Blame my mama for teaching me manners, but I was raised to say, “Yes, sir” and “Yes, ma’am.” While the first is widely accepted, I’ve come across plenty of women who always have something to say when I refer to them as ma’am—whether it be in tweet, email or conversation. The usual retort is, “I’m not an old lady, don’t call me ma’am.” My intention when using the term is to show respect, but clearly a lot of people have their own hang-ups about the word and misinterpret my intention. It’s one of my things and I probably won’t stop saying ma’am any time soon. #DealWithIt

FEMALE
I forget which post it was but earlier this year someone made a point to leave a comment saying how my usage of the word “female” in reference to a woman rubbed them the wrong way. She tried to argue that it sounded like I was talking about an animal and that I probably wouldn’t say “male” in reference to a man. Actually, I use male just as much. In fact, just last week I referred to the fragile male ego in the erectile dysfunction post. Males and females are just what we are. Trust, there are a lot worse terms I could throw out to describe a woman.

MILF
If you’ve read this blog for any amount of time you’ll know that I’ve used the term MILF on more than one occasion. But I actually lost a FaceBook friend because she felt my annual MILF Awards was a disrespectful list of women I’d like to fuck. While I know the roots of the acronym (Mother I’d Like to Fuck), I never really think of those exact words when I use it. In my mind MILF just means an attractive woman that just so happens to be a mother. I see it as a positive, but some take it as a negative. #KanyeShrug

MULATTO
I’ll call complete ignorance on this one, as I thought it was totally alright to call someone of mixed race/heritage/race a “mulatto.” However, when I used the term to describe a certain singer in one of my freelance pieces for TheBVX a while back, my editor quickly hit me back and said, “Uhm, you know ‘mulatto’ is a derogatory term, right?” Whoops! I had no idea it basically translated to mean “mule.” Them, of course I read THIS article on Parlour Magazine the other day and have stopped using the term. Well, except for its inclusion in this list.

WIFEY
Given the lack of actual wives in our community I understand why some women are turned off by the term “wifey,” which, depending on the man and the nature of the relationship, is basically a play wife. I’ve even suggested that more women aspire to be someone’s wife over baby mama, but at the same time I’m totally open to using wifey to describe my main squeeze. In my circle of friends it’s interchangeable with girlfriend and is completely harmless. Still, I’ve come across women that feel offended by adding a “y” to wife. Now, if a man was only offering a faux-title after several years of dating without a lifelong commitment I could understand the dispute, but as long as the couple is cool with their designation for each other to each his/her own.

Do you find any of the words on this list offensive? If so, which one and why? Which term do you find the most surprising that someone would consider it offensive? Do you think that some people are just too damn sensitive? What would you consider the PC version of “chubby chaser”? Are you comfortable with people who are not of color using the N-word? Do you think it makes a difference if it’s spelled with an “er” or an “a”? Were you raised to say ma’am and sir? Do you think of MILF literally whenever you hear it? Would you be flattered if someone called you or the mother of your children a MILF? Do you think calling someone wifey is cute or tacky?

Speak your piece…