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15 Things Every [Black] Woman Should Know About Men

Posted by • September 30, 2010 • Printer-friendly

WORDS BY TAZZ DADDY

Dear ladies,

I hope this letter finds you well. While I’m not an artist, I am a writer. So I thought I would take this time to let you know things that I feel every Black woman should know about Black men.

PLEASE NOTE: The views expressed below are those of @TazzDaddy and not those of your friendly neighborhood blogger NWSO.

1. We don’t think that every Black woman is a “bitch,” but we damn sure know the difference between a “bitch” and a “lady.”

It would behoove women to conduct themselves in a positive manner. Men don’t have time for a lot of slick talking and unnecessary debate. Next…

2. Your job doesn’t mean anything to us and neither does your title.

When men choose a mate, we’re more concerned with how she acts, and if she’s able to carry on a stimulating intellectual conversation about various subjects. I’m not going to say that we don’t care what you look like physically, because that would be lying. Men definitely care about how a woman looks; we’re just not as obsessed with it as you think we are.

3. We can’t stand your hair weaves!

We can’t touch your hair, let alone pull on it during sex for fear of “messing it up.” So many women start off the week with long beautiful hair, and by the end of next week there’s some brand-new hair sewn in. This totally baffles me and makes most men feel like you’re never satisfied with your image. When it comes to choosing a mate we don’t want an indecisive, self-conscious woman. And we all know you don’t want an indecisive self-conscious man!

4. We don’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends/husbands and how horrible they were to you.

We are not responsible for their mistakes, nor will we sit around and pay for them. If you have not given yourself enough time to get over your ex, do us a favor and seek psychological help before entering into a relationship with us. Thanks, management.

5. No respectable Black man respects Steve Harvey’s opinion on women.

This man is a professional comedian who’s backed by Oprah Winfrey. How can you take advice on relationships from man who tells jokes for a living and a woman who can’t commit to a man she’s been with for over 20 years? That’s as asinine as me, someone who’s not skinny, giving diet tips!

6. We know the difference between a wife and a jump-off.

We don’t need to hear you tell us how much of a “good woman” you are. That will be evidenced by the way that you carry yourself. Moving right along…

7. It’s true; all men are dogs!

What most women fail to realize is that all dogs have different pedigrees. It’s up to you to determine the difference between the poodles, the mongrels, the German shepherds, and the rabid pit bulls. Depending on the pedigree, some dogs are loyal and some dogs are wayward. The latter you should never touch because you could catch something like rabies!

8. We want a woman who’s going to be willing to submit to us.

Where women mess up is by thinking that men want a slave or a maid. A man who is bringing his A-game desires a cheerleader from the sidelines who can double as an assistant coach. We also want someone who can play wide receiver, as well as understand that there is only room for one quarterback. In layman’s terms, we don’t want you behind us, we want you beside us. We need women who are able to support our dreams and our vision without all of the nagging and jaw jacking that tends to come with some sistas.

9. Your girlfriends have absolutely no business in our relationship/marriage!

A lot of today’s modern women feel like they need someone to cosign every decision they make in their relationship/marriage. This annoys the living daylights out of every Black man I know, including myself. That goes double for your male “best friend.” This guy either wants to sleep with you (and you’re unaware of it) or he already has in the past. Either way, he DAMN SURE doesn’t need to know what’s going on in our relationship/marriage!

10. Sex and children are not weapons!

If you manipulate a man by using sex and children, you will eventually find yourself by yourself! Or, there’s the alternative: you find yourself with a man who truly doesn’t want to be with you but has no choice because he wants to see his child. When it comes to sex, it can only hold a weak man hostage. Strong men who have their lives together understand that they have many options. Some of which, are better options than you are.? #RealTalk

11. Mind games never work!

Even if a woman manages to manipulate a man, sooner or later he’ll become aware of her manipulation and he’ll resent her for it. Thinking that you’re slicker than a can of oil only leads to you slipping up. Men respect women who can be open and honest with them. After all, isn’t that what you want in a man?

12. Don’t go through our phones/computers/cars without our permission.

When a woman chooses to become a private detective in her relationship/marriage, she’s telling her man/husband that she doesn’t have any trust in him at all! Once the trust is broken, you have nothing left to stand on in your relationship. You’re not Sherlock Holmes, you are not Nancy Drew, and you damn sure aren’t Joey Greco from the TV show Cheaters. If you have questions and concerns, open your mouth and address him like an adult. If you can’t do this, and you feel the need to snoop, you might as well leave the relationship.

13. If you have one or more friends who are a slut, most men will tend to believe that you’re probably one as well.

While that sounds particularly harsh, it’s how most men’s brains are wired. Even if you’re not a slut or a whore, why would you condone the behavior of your “friend” who acts like one? That makes as much sense as a man who has a friend that doesn’t take care of his children or cheats on his wife. If you’re a woman with even the smallest ounce of self-respect, you’d question us about the company we keep the same way that we’d question you if you had a friend who was as open as a Waffle House in the middle of Georgia.

14. Don’t listen to the media!

As a broadcast professional of over 20 years, I can assure you that when information is put out about Black men and women, it is done for one purpose and one purpose alone: ratings! The media is in the business of ratings, revenue and entertainment. That doesn’t include serving the Black community and Black women in a way that will uplift and empower them. Black men are not all gay or on the “down low.” Black men are not all in jail/prison! There are plenty of us who are educated, eligible, hard working and who are willing to love you unconditionally if given the chance. You have to be willing to come to the realization that your “knight in shining armor” may come in the form of a plumber, mail carrier, or small business owner.  If you spend your life waiting on the float with Mr. Universe on it, you’re going to miss the entire parade!

15. Stop using Beyoncé as a life coach!

In recent years, Beyoncé, along with several other R&B artists, have made these “women’s empowerment anthems” that have led women to believe that they can throw us “to the left, to the left.” Contrary to public opinion and prior belief, if you “bust the windows out of a men’s car,” we’re going to press charges against you. If you spend your time looking for a “sponsor,” and honestly believe that, “if we liked it then we should’ve put a ring on it,” you truly don’t understand what we’re all about! To us when we hear a woman say that she wants a “sponsor,” we hear that she’s trying to use her vagina and good looks for money. Believe it or not, most men don’t want a prostitute. Also, when we love you, that’s when we’ll “put a ring on it” and not a minute before we’re ready! Finally, Beyoncé may talk a good game on records and in videos, but what most women fail to realize is that she’s a very happily married woman! She’s also the same woman who wrote “Cater to You,” but for some strange reason women don’t run around quoting that one.

Ladies, these views are my personal take on things that my friends and I have always had issues with when it comes to Black women. I hope you take this letter in the spirit of honesty, and not turn it into an attack on all Black Women. You’re loved, honored, and respected, but like some Black men, some of you need to get it together.

What did you think of Tazz Daddy’s views? Were they on point or way off base? Do women care more about what their mate does for a living than men? Do you ever find yourself comparing your ex to your current or has that happened to you? Are women to quick to believe the hype of advice books by folks like Steve Harvey? Do you think all men are dogs? Are you willing to submit to your partner? Are you guilty of involving your friends in your relationship? Has Beyoncé led women astray?

Speak your piece…

@TazzDaddy is an award-winning cultural specialist, radio personality, lecturer and author. His latest book, “Common Sense Ain’t Common,” is available for pre-order at TazzDaddy.com.


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  • SoHollywood87

    I agree for the post part especially Beyonce nor have I or prolly ever will..While she is singing all the single ladies, she is already Married honey..Imma just listen to my gut, and mind on picking my future mate...

  • sunshyne84

    If you are intelligent enough to know the difference between a wife and a jumpoff or a bitch and a lady, then why do hair weaves get you so confused? Some women like new hairstyles like guys like new shoes or electronics. I would think it would be like having a new woman every week since you're all dogs. Who doesn't like a little variety? *shrugs*

  • http://thesinglegirlsguidetomen.com nikita banks

    I could have done without alot of the stuff on here..but i see where you're going...i see you pumping you fist for your gender..

  • Kemz

    This deserves a "Best Post" award.

    Someone, anyone out there, give this man his favorite drink of choice.

    Very well said sir and I'm definitely taking notes.

  • http://thesinglegirlsguidetomen.com nikita banks

    Instead of men telling me what I should know about them I would love for someone to tell me what you guys can do to improve yourselves in order to be good mates to your women, and father's to your children. If I did everything that a man told me to do in a relationship I would still be unfull filled because men, are soo busy worried about us. Improve yourselves..

  • lovely_bones

    AMEN!! WHy do men always need to try and find ways for women to improve themselves?? How about giving their OWN gender a once-over first?? Correct YOURSELVES then you focus outward.

  • lovely_bones

    ...YAAAWWWNNN....

    same whack ass advice men try to give to the "black" woman.

    I do half of all this and STILL have a man of five years. Sorry boo..He comes home EVERy night, he cooks for me, we spend all of our free time together and I dont have to worry about him straying. So, good attempt, but NOTHING that hasnt been said before.. Sorry..

    Oh, and can someone point me in the direction of articles that other races of men write to put down there women?? Hummm, yeah, good luck finding them...

  • Man2.0

    This may be the... no, this IS the first time I've agreed with something completely and wholeheartedly written in a blog. I can't believe all of my frustrations with the disconnect between black men and women were summarized so well. 2, 14, and 15 resonated with me especially... at the end of the day I truly believe that men, deep down inside, just want to love and be loved as much as women say they do.

    Long time reader, first time commenting... keep up the good work NWSO.

  • http://www.AConleyCreation.com karmagini

    I agree with most of this post, except these things should be for different intentions. So often women are told what to do to please a man, how to keep him happy, how to get him back... instead, the intention should be focused on doing these things for US.

    Women should be directed on how to not be manipulative, still carrying ex baggage, be classy, and think for ourselves for OUR benefit alone. Love is great but is a bonus in life. If the relationship with yourself isn't healthy and strong, any other relationship won't be either. Once you start doing the right thing for yourself, all other things fall into place. Don't be something just for the sake of a relationship.

  • A Thinker

    My dear, I do think you missed the point of this post.

  • http://www.lyndondavidjones.blogspot.com Lyndon

    DAMN. This writer/article could not be more WRONG. Not in the message (I agree with most of it), but how it's delivered. I'm becoming more and more sickened at the arrogance productive black men are starting to show. And believe me I get the reason why, and Im guilty of it too. We get pounced on daily by white media and at the hands of every woman's magazine in publication. So we're left to defend and deflect. I get that. What we experience is painful, but we're too prideful to say it. It hurts to be viewed by the masses as monsters and predators with no viable defense. So, this is what we do and it for many of us it feels good. But it's counterproductive (period)

    Both black men and women have so many unresolved issues that we refuse to address, it's almost comical for any of us to have the audacity to write books or point fingers. We are all FUCKED UP. I said it. The very women we criticize are the way they are primarily because of MEN. The FATHER left the home. The Father cheated on her mom. The FATHER never left proper instruction on how to deal with MEN. The Father abusive. A MAN molested. The PREACHER was the backslider. The first BOYFRIEND broke her heart. The FATHER never paid a visit. These events are traumatic. They don't just happen without severe consequences. Many women are left to search their lives for answers. But have no idea what the question is.

    Im not taking sides in this issue at all. I've been hurt badly, but Ive learned I played a part in this shit and realize blaming and embarrasing only perpetuates. I'm simply making a plea to end the fingerpointing and make a call for accountablity. Both sides need some serious mending. Fuck that- PRAYER.

    Fellaz keep in mind, the very men that scarred the women we berate, left many of us lost and confused. And be ever mindful that the tables can turn and are turning to the point where we lose the little framework of family that we have left.

    IT AINT NO FUN WHEN THE RABBIT GOT THE GUN. Good Morning

    • Moflame1

      man you are a rare find.. someone finally kept it 100 % real we all need help togetherness is not heard of in the black house hold we are a lost race I love my poeple but we have a lot of work to do  the black man have sold us out so many times, the only way we can get it right, is black men has to reclaim his crown and take back his household .. black wemon feel his strength!! then she  well begin to relaxe and go back to role

  • Paulette_bajan_gal

    Yeah...can men start writing about how to improve themselves?Please.There IS NOT a shortage of good black women out here.The men I encounter on the daily in NYC need help...like asap.Plus my whole goal in life is not to find a man...even though this blog, 99% of the songs on the radio and 99% of the media would like me to believe that.Nope.

    I totally get where the writer is coming from though...a friend of mine said this the other day...a black male "a man is more interested in a woman who's interested in him than the actual woman herself."Of course y'all want a good woman but the focus is so on what you want we seem like angry black women when we request for more than the same old bs.Everything has to happen when and how you want it.No equality.smh.

    Why do people continue to think black women are single because we are not good?I got married before I had a kid...got a college degree before I had her.It was unfortunate dude turned out to be a cheating, lying dog but I had hoped for a long term, healthy marriage.I never cheated on him and took care of the household.The rate at which men abandon black families is astounding.Don't read the paper...look at the relationships and single mom households around you.

    Black men...we love you too.Want to settle down and build with you...improve yourself first and then step to us.Both sides gotta take part in this.

  • JC

    While I don't co-sign on the post I can respect the effort.

    I stopped buying into what the media and Beyonce, for that matter has to say on relationships. Especially when they break shit down into racial groups. I date MEN. If he happens to be black, white, yellow, red, green that really is of no consequence to me...he is a man and he is human and what I need to know is whether he is HONEST, LOVING, SUPPORTIVE and UNDERSTANDING and ATTRACTED to me and I to him.

    All of the things on this list have been expressed by men of all races, and if you don't think so ya'll need to get out more...so how is this an inside look into the mind of a Black man?

  • mizze

    This was VERY well said and VERY on point. I hate the fact that the black woman constantly gets berated with "self-help" like there are not issues that EVERYONE has. And in the same way he is sitting there talking about how not all black men are this and that, how are you going to write a WHOLE article about black women assuming ALL black women are this way? HYPOCRITICAL! Im sorry but i see that a lot of men are. They want the submission and the authority, the cooking and cleaning to be done but look at times. When women HAVE to have careers, they HAVE to work and we work DAMN hard at the titles we have achieved and if a man feels insecure about it, thats HIS problem.

  • RighteousMama

    I'm sorry. I stopped reading after his second tip. When a man gives his opinion, he's a MAN. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch. - Bette Davis Yeah, next! :/

  • Ty

    I think Tazz Daddy views were on point a lot of it I do agree with and have heard since most of my friends are guys. I think women care more than a man what their mate does for a living. All I can say is personally it is more of how much are you bring to the table money wise. I am not a gold digger but I need to feel safe and secure if I am going to let a man take over or shall I say be the head. I have been hurt too many times so I do not compare anyone that I am trying to get to know with my past relationships. I look at signs that tell me he is full of bull. Of course that could be a bad thing but that’s what I do. A lot of women believe the advice in relationship books I personally do not read them. Yes I think 99.99 percent of men are no good at all. That submission part is still under review but if he is a good man meaning everything checks off on my list then yes maybe I will. My male friends yes I am guilty of involving them by asking advice so I can see things from a male POV. I will say this, ladies you have to be careful what he says about male friends are true so the advice you may get from them are not always good sometimes it is for their benefit. With the song dealing with a ring yes, like Tazz said if he loves you and if he is ready then and only then will he put a ring on it. That is why there are so many cheaters out here some men are too concern about their girl wanting that ring instead of if he is ready for marriage and is she the right one to marry.

  • KaijaBelle

    Amen! Amen! Amen! Very respectfully and eloquently put. This all relates to the old African belief in "sankofa" (in order to move forward, you must look back) we as a people need to look into our histories and discover where so many of our culturally ingrained behaviors come from. We cannot improves ourselves or our relationships if we don't understand ourselves to begin with. While I don't disagree with every point...I definitely don't believe that if black women follow this list to a "T" that the black relationship will flourish. We, as a people have so many institutions working against it us that the last thing we need to do is work against ourselves.

  • http://www.facebook.com/justjames079 james

    I think you're becoming too defensive, bones.

  • http://www.facebook.com/justjames079 james

    Congrats to finding the right man for you. The article does apply for many men, I certainly feel this way about many things. Though, only half black, I feel the same. Again, I feel that you're taking this personally like the article is talking about your man or attacking you. I think you need to realize that your attitude is why someone would want to backoff. Don't tell us overprotective women don't exist.

  • AD

    Damn Tazz Daddy you mad? What woman did you wrong? I'm with Lyndon....the delivery was FAILURE! Hell, both man and woman should reflect on their short comings, invest in improving yourself mentally, spiritually, and physically (Health wise not cosmetic wise). Date the man/woman you are attracted to and don't hate or expect change from the others who are outside that scope. It that's simple people.

    NWSO...next time drop me off before going into Tazz Daddy's neighborhood!

  • Chick

    Amen. This is exactly what the post is talking about. Clearly u need to read it again. smdh

  • Spinster

    Word to ALL of this.

  • Spinster

    About this entry:

    Yeah..... No. :-|

  • Spinster

    You're good. I stopped after the 1st tip. :-|

  • hellifknow

    Lyndon - Thank you. And not because you said that there are men who have hurt women, because that's not the case for every woman. But because you realize that we need to work together, not in opposition in order to have healthier relationships with each other. It's about relating and we can't do it with the current prevailing "us vs. them" mentality that is now at the forefront.

  • Rastaman

    I can't really fault this brotha on his view because his perspective is very likely shaped by his experience and all the influences around him. What I have come to understand about life is that there are no unique roadmaps that will apply to everyone. We all come from varied circumstances and backgrounds and we all have varied experiences. That is what will shape how we behave and how we relate with others, platonically and intimately.
    I don't mind hearing about a woman's past with her exes, I don't necessarily want to be compared with them but that I have no control over. I do beleive her past will inform me though, I don't ever think there is too much information. If we listen we can often hear a lot more than what's being stated.

    Women, no matter their race or ethnicity are no better or worse than men when it comes to relationships. What we need to do is start treating people as people. My relationship philosophy is about treating people like how I wanted to be treated. I can confess that it has not made me have more success than most but it also has left me with very few regrets. At the end of the day, I can feel good about myself and how I comport myself because I am unashamed.

    I believe everyone wants to feel good and positive about themselves. Its obvious we don't all know how to do that, so we adopt pop music anthems, engage in behavior that has no long term benefits and aspire to fashions and lifestyles that are self undermining. Some of that end up causing us more harm than good. So yeah we can say its men this or women this or this group did it and thats why the other group done it. But you, you the individual is responsible for your behavior and how that relates to other people. We adopt these expectations of others that too many of us cannnot even match up to on our end.
    I think much of the disappointment we express is with ourselves and we just project onto the other people because it makes us feel better.

  • Spinster

    Thumbs up, Lyndon.

  • kILLEM27

    We should all just listen to God and Beyonce' lovessss single ladies and doubles. lol_^. Marriage by "CONTRACT" doesn't count!!,

  • hellifknow

    I think the article is one man's opinion and I'll take it as that. So this is mine.
    No relationship is a one-size-fits-all scenario. We all must develop our own instincts and qualities of discernment to best determine who we should partner or mate with. The problem is those things are often clouded by our very human needs wants and desires. Both bitches and ladies have boyfriends and husbands. One man's jump-off is another's wife and vice versa. There are exceptions to just about every situation as I'm sure both Alicia Keys and Gabrielle Union can tell you that some married men do indeed leave their wives for their mistresses. I take issue to #7 - all men aren't dogs. They are human who often act in selfish and hurtful ways. The problem with many men is that they have internalized this negative viewpoint of themselves and act accordingly.
    Also, this concept of "submission." If you have a Biblical reason for that belief, then OK. But this is 2010 and grown people in consensual relationships should not have to "submit" to one another. A relationship is not a monarchy. If you choose to come together, you should choose to lead together especially in the family unit if kids are involved. Play to your strenghts makes so much more sense than one person being "the lead" or "in charge." That's simply not the reality of most adult relationships.
    I think 15 points are unneccessary since there is only one that you need. It's love yourself. If more men and women loved themselves and acted accordingly, there would be far less dysfunction in our community. It can be exceedingly hard to do so based on childhood issues, the preponderance of racism, the negative slant of so much media coverage of ourselves and our community. But it is necessary, because we take who we are into relationships and then blame the other person for making us face ourselves. We cannot expect other people to work to make us whole. That is our job. That is truly the only love tip we need.

  • JC

    *standing up clapping*

    Very well put.

  • da ThRONe

    You cant complain about somebody else improving themselves. Life is about trust. It has to be understood we all need self-improvement. If your a women who is interested in improving your relationships with a man. What better way then to hear from average everyday men with no side agendas?

    I would make this number 16

    No two men(people) are alike. Just because somebody loved or hated something doesnt mean the next guy will. Each relationship is it's own entity. Treat it as such.

  • kILLEM27

    lol@u.net poor bones....are you one of his ex-ninjas??, You know you're actually hurt by this posting bcuz you 4got to tell every1 on here how you still check your "good man's" cell phone for texts and pictures when he comes home 2u every night. Don't over think the message that is being passed on in Tdad'z post. Although, it was directed to the Black ppl, it is a very good baseline for all races. Please calm down 1st, forgive yourself for everything that your pride and guilt weighs on your back and read again.

  • Shannon

    I think Tazz Daddy needs to grow the hell up. If I need my husband's permission to go through his phone or email, that tells me he has something to hide. About sex and children, if I don't want to "give it up," as it's so commonly referred to, that is my right; unless there is a marriage, which most men don't want, I am under no obligation to provide any man with sex; the children are almost always going to take Mama's side, so that isn't really much of an argument.

    Another point: I determine if I am a good woman, not some man. I determine my own value and worth; just because a woman is worth less than nothing to one man, doesn't mean she carries the same value to men across the board. And I don't care how men's brains are wired; just because my friends are out there in a bad way, doesn't mean I'm out there like that. Yeah, I know birds of a feather flock together, but in case you haven't noticed, there are several different kinds of birds at the park and lake. They are different and they don't all do the same thing; some swim, some don't. Some migrate and some don't. It's the same as me saying that you are a dog because your friends or some other black men are.

    Men, especially black men, really need to grow and stop hiding and making excuses. Yes, you do think all women are bitches and are out for what they can get out of you, i.e., money, babies, a white dress and a ring, and instead of focusing on the woman and her wanting to get married, you should be taking a long, deep look at yourselves and be honest that you're not ready for marriage or are not marriage material. Just like not every woman is marriage material, most men aren't either.

    Don't listen to the media...why is that? So you can keep playing around and messing with a woman's feelings? It's not about ratings; trust me on this. It is nothing but hardcore fact and deep down you know that. I think the men who get offended by what the media says or even things I say are the ones who know deep down that the info applies to them in some way, shape, form, fashion or manner and it bothers them. It bothers them because the media is putting women on notice to the game. Simply put, women are getting sick of the bullshit men dish out, especially when men can dish it out but they can't take it when the shoe is on the other foot.

    Submission...please, get over yourself. With black men having a history of walking out when the going gets tough, running around, and just plain not taking care of business, there is no way I would ever submit to one. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too; you're so worried about women and telling them what they should be doing, but what about black men? How about telling them what they should be doing? How about telling them to stop bullshitting around and be real men? How about telling them to carry themselves in a decent way and stop disrespecting black women? How about telling them to get their asses off their shoulders when the woman is making more money than he is? Why in the hell do black men always want to be in charge and in control? Give me a break.

    Men want women who can be honest with them, but hell, they aren't honest. Running around with five women, having babies all over town, pretending you want her when you wish she would leave and never come back; are you serious?!

    Hell, you are no better than the media. I don't buy into much of the so-called expert advice, but Beyonce is about making money and those kinds of messages and songs are what will rake it in. I will never cater to any man who doesn't have me on a pedestal; yes, I said it. I will never submit to any man who isn't willing to swim through shark-infested waters to bring me a cold drink. Hey, it goes both ways; you want a woman to cater to you, give her a reason to. It takes more than dick-slinging and having a Y chromosome to be a real man. And my man, who is white, does all of the above; his mission in life is to make me happy. That is what men are supposed to do and he does it well. An open book; I can look through his phone, computer, whatever. I can drop by unannounced at his house. I can go out with him and be seen in public. And he goes out of his way to make me happy, even if that means flying to Ohio from the Middle East to take me out for the weekend, which is just what he is doing for me this weekend.

    I'm like Janet Jackson; what have you done for me lately? Not much. Write something about how black men are playing too many games and what they can do to improve themselves. Hell, telling black women what they need to know about black men with this list...it's like selling me a defective car and instead of correcting the defect with the car, I'm expected to be instructed to learn how to drive it in that condition. When there is a problem with the product, you work on the product, not the consumer.

  • AnyaEm

    @Lyndon, thank you so much for your post..I think you're the first brotha to even acknowledge that the blame goes both ways. We have a lot of work to do in repairing the damage between the genders of all races! I will follow in kind, and admit that I'm far from perfect, and made some serious lapses in judgment when it comes to men--but every day I wake up with the resolve to learn and do better. That being said, turning yourself into a Stepford wife/girlfriend or IBW (Ideal Black Woman) won't guarantee finding a man. Be yourself dammit! A man who truly loves you will love EVERYTHING about you right down to your annoying quirks and idiosyncrasies. You love a person, not a template or an idea.

    P.S.--is it just me or is TazzDaddy's post not a Steve Harvey remix??

  • kILLEM27

    eye agree....except for #15....that should have been 1st..." put my fone down and back away slowly ". lol

  • kILLEM27

    only because you asked for it miss Kita...heehee...ITs very simple....the easiest thing to do...Men!!, If you want to be better mates to your women, better Fathers for your children and better LEADERS for your families, then you must get back closer to God.

  • taylormade

    just be goes you feel, that everything is great, dosent mean he does

  • Private Dancer

    Anyone- male or female, black, white or otherwise- who is offended or defensive about this man's POV (key words here) is wrong!

  • Elle

    Amen, Nikita.

    I love how men always look at women and try to tell us what to do and what not to do in order to have successful relationships. Well guess what buddies, you may wanna take a longgggg look in the mirror.

  • Candace

    Amen! Thank you I have nothing to add.

  • The Duchess

    Good Morning All from Vancouver BC

    LMAO @ ALL OF THIS!! Have a wonderful Day!

  • Elle

    Lydon, you may wanna write a book ... a book that can actually benefit people in general but also in the relationship department.

  • taylormade80

    thats part of the problem right there. Women always think that men are trying to change them, downplay them or control them, when thats not the case. when your with us, we know ourselves, so we are just telling you what will or wont work for us, its up to you to decide if you want to adjust, if you choose not to, then dont expect us to adjust when you start making demands. we will still be with you, but like lil wayne say, "dont get to comfortable", because its going to be a short relationship. Dont let your pride and Ego ruin it for you.

  • nishi

    I must say damn and ouch but thank you for a reality check

  • taylormade80

    *just because you feel that everythings great dosent mean he does.

  • http://www.twitter.com/LilMissStrange LilMissStrange

    Damn the weave! Women trust me, the hair thing in bed......oh yeah!

  • Trina

    My thing is you are with a white man so why even comment on this. I am not trying to be funny or cause any drama. I will say white men have the same issues as black men they are dogs too not all of them take care of their children, they lie, they cheat, and that list can go on. White men are eager to please their partner not saying that black men are not but at the same time I will not ask a man to do things I wouldn’t do for him. So why is it you must be on a pedestal just to cater to your man? Do you have him on a pedestal is that why he caters to you? That is crazy because if he is a good man then he should be catered to now and then by the way I don’t recall him saying anything about that he referred to the song. You got very defensive with this post so I guess a black man hurt you I mean they hurt me too including a white man but dang I got over it. Another thing you do need your husband or boyfriend permission to go through his things sweetie it is all about respect. And respecting you just because you are a woman is way out I want a man to respect me for more than just being a woman but for who I am including respecting him. Respect is automatically given because you are a woman but to go beyond just that the other respect is earned just like trust is earned not given. So I guess you are willing to swim in those shark infested waters just to bring your man a drink too. So what have you done for him lately? Remember it is a two way street. Congrats on your weekend I hope you two have a terrific time. Be Blessed.

  • The Duchess

    I've never heard of the Beyonce dating thing before.. I thought Neyo wrote that song? Sooooo... Maybe the women that have looking to Beyonce should have been looking to sweet ass Neyo for relationship advice :D

  • bamagal79

    smh... I couldn't really read this because it was just pure ignorance. How can you say that because someone who is my friend is promiscuous, that I am as well? We are all adults, and I'm sure there are people in your life that say and/or do things that you don't condone. That's just crazy. And what does weave and caring about how our hair looks have to do with indecisiveness or being self-conscious. I'm just glad that ALL men don't have this mentality. some of this stuff was just ridiculous...

  • taylormade80

    no disrespect, but I hate when people use "the father wasnt present in the home, is why things happens. If thats the case then everybody would be effed up. There is probably more great people out in the world who never even knew their father,than ones that grew him in their life, and they turned out just fine. Another one is the woman act a cetain way because a man did them wrong. you got your own mind, learn from it, move on.

  • Deka

    this isn't about brothers who need self improvement. The men you want to be with require some of the same basic needs to would like in a mate.

  • http://www.lyndondavidjones.blogspot.com Lyndon

    You can hate it, but it's real. Very real. And for every person you show me that excelled inspite of not having a father present, I can show you communities and families all over this country that are suffering. Dont live in denial and assume that financial success equals happiness. The damage men do when they abandon or neglect family is made evident on countless fronts.

    And what is "just fine"? I know too many folk that appear "just fine", but aint. Dont know if you're a dude or not but believe me I know far too many growing up that lacked at home and looked elsewhere for guidance. Visit your nearest prison. Visit a homeless shelter... Battered woman's shelter... An orphanage... Failing schools... The project... And ask where the father is.

    I know this shit may seem corny and sound like an excuse, but if making decisions were that easy you wouldnt have so many places to visit to see evidence to the contrary. Just open your eyes and heart to see what the fuck is really going on around you pimpin. It aint easy.

  • TJ

    THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

  • Preachthecomedian

    Ok some of you are really showing your ignorance. It's just an opinion but let's be real some of yall need to check yourself. WE all need work ...the Ladie seem to only wanna hear that sucka trickin blame the man instead of looking at ya damn self mantra...LADIES grow a pair. And CHILL how about u take the best of what's said and leave the rest... Stop listening to men that say what you WANT to hear and listen to a man that's telling you what you NEED to hear

    #getright

  • Spinster

    Thumbs up, Lyndon. THIS is something that doesn't hurt my eyes or kill my brain cells. ;-)

  • Spinster

    This deserves a "thumbs up" too. ;-)

  • Ty

    True so very true I agree with you all the way.

  • detroits QUEEN

    I think this post was very true and down to earth and I agreed with all 15 two thumbs up!!

  • Mz. Ashley

    Lyndon, very well put my man. Only thing i would change is that part where you said black men and women are fucked up....ALL RACES ARE FUCKED UP! Couldn't have said it better!

  • bogart4017

    I knew this post was going to set it off!
    After reading this it struck me as more personal than general. There were certain points that were so specific it could only apply to a small number of women. For instance, why would my wife go through my cell phone or computer? I don't go through her purse. So that point doesnt apply here but i do have friends who have mates that regularly take a "scroll thru the lisstings". I couldnt have a woman like that.
    So basically this is not about black women in general but moreso the musings of a man who would choose a "ghetto bunny" for a mate.

  • AlwaystheLady

    I agree with you with the exception that is shouldn't be limited to Black women....I agree 100%

  • http://windowshop78.blogspot.com Ninjagaiden78

    Cosign to the fullest. There was wayyyyy too much real talk in that post, especially about the snooping. Most women could prob have a good relationship if they would think for themselves, stop snooping, and have faith in their men.

    windowshop78.blogspot.com

  • Rastaman

    Hey NWSO you notice you get the most responses when it is some inflamatory subject posted?
    You try to go with positive, self affirming sht and folks act like you farted and no one knows who did it. Not a peep.

    Yo Tazz, I thought at the last meeting of the national black man conference we had agreed to table this list before final release?

  • Preachthecomedian

    That's my fault I didn't put the amendments to section C paragraph 3 in there...

  • Preachthecomedian

    That's real right there

  • http://ecstasykmichele.blogspot.com Kaye Michele

    Sigh...

    Why do we spend so much time getting defensive and putting each other down when one of us makes a point? Why don't we take his words with a grain of salt and apply what works, keep in mind what doesn't, and keep it moving where it's inapplicable? My former boss always said, "if it don't apply, let it fly..."

    I'd say more but I'm not in the mood to be villified for agreeing or disagreeing with one man's OPINION...smh...

  • Tro

    Brother you hit the nail on the head. We need to stop this Brainwashing that the White People's Media, out into our woman's head, and fried the place up.

  • http://www.AConleyCreation.com karmagini

    I noticed too on this site, that blogs like "Flashes of Heaven" don't generate nearly as much comments as ones like this that are sensational or controversial. I don't know if that's sad or not.

    I'm curious as to why there is such opposition to this blog. Is it a tough pill to swallow? Does the truth hurt? Did anyone really read all the words? (re: submission vs. "we don’t want you behind us, we want you beside us")

  • Joy

    well said, very well said. thank you!

  • The Duchess

    We are on the same page cause I was called a sexist last time I agreed with the men.. LMAO!

    I TOTALLY understand & get where Tazz is coming from!

  • The Duchess

    Thx for correcting your comment cause I tried my DARNDEST to figure out what you were saying but couldn't for the life of me :D

  • SMH

    This was written because why? Except for items 1,3 and 5 it could be written about any woman and most sensible women already know this so it seems a tad redundant bordering on defensive.

  • RighteousMama

    I vote for Rastaman to write the next post. I like this.

  • Darling

    I see this turned into the man vs woman argument. All I have to say is that when you speak to men who have thier heads on straight and have things going on, he'll tell you the same thing. Women get it together, cause ya'll are going to miss out. I'm not miss perfect but I know we, me included, need to get ish together before jumping into a relationship. Ladies pls learn a thing or two...the men are telling us what they want just like we do them. Let that ego go!

  • internalbeauty

    good post, just one question though, WHERE DO I FIND THE BLACK MEN WHO ARE WILLING TO FAITHFULLY WAIT TILL MARRIAGE TO HAVE SEX?

    please and thanks.

  • CestytheBesty

    Girl your on point. Weave is an accessory....I dont tell my man that I only want to see him in a Rolex. If he wants to wear a Fossil its all good. Basically dont tell me what I can and CANT do with my appearance. You loved the long beautiful hair you'll love the short cropped do.

  • Malia

    Your posts are so on point in this topic. Thanks for brining reality to people who just can't see the truth!

  • Nothing New

    These are not "black women" problems. All women do these things.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Lol. You so crazy--Martin.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Sorry, but RastaMan is "scared" to write posts. Maybe your womanly wiles will have a better effect on him than my suggestions for him to guest post more.

  • Miss Conception

    I think that point should have been number one. Ladies and gents, stop going into a relationship thinking you can change his/her bad habits or qualities that you don't like in a man/woman. If you don't like it, why stay with it? I think that point would have wrapped up all his points. Basically, don't try to change the person you are dating. I don't care if he smokes weed, she strips, she smokes weed/cigarettes, none of it is good enough for change. Now, if this person wants to change, be supportive no matter what the change is. I agree with you AD, once I got past point number 5, I started to read the titles of the other points to see if any of them are relevant or just repeats of what the other one said.

  • Rastaman

    Saving all my good stuff for my book. LOL!!

  • http://saturnreturns-grow.blogspot.com Othaniel Cruickshank

    Very Good post!!! I'm actually guilty of a few of these things. Some behaviors may be altered and some will have to be thrown into the for better or worse category lol

  • http://www.shawnmcdowell.com Shawn McDowell

    "I want a REAL MAN" is a phrase many women say. But what do they present to a REAL man? Fake colored hair/nails/colored contacts/botox shots/bootypop panties/pushup-out bras and other so called "body redistribution" accessories.

    Didnt Alexander O'Neal sang a song about this mess 20 something years ago Tazz-D?

  • T

    Feeling like I've heard the EXACT same points (give or take a few) being made in damn near the EXACT way elsewhere... VSB maybe? #imjustsayin #boredyawn

  • Tea

    GOOOOOD QUESTION!!!! Answer please

    While on blogs or in general conversations, I typically see guys denying the ability or will to do this and I have even heard guys say if she doesn't give it up in a month or 2 they move on.

    These stances are contradicted in the real world where I see guy after guy marrying virgins. No, idk where they are finding them. Also, of course I can't say with 100% certainty that these guys didn't devirgintise their woman before their vows, but still they are obviously waiting quite a while to have sex. And no I'm not talking about guys who are super religious or anywhere near being a virgin themselves.

  • EmotionalFUnk

    Like blahhhh, what kind of women are you dealing with? I don't even attract these kind of women as friends. Who are these weave wearing, Steve Harvey quoting, whatever you're complaining about? Hmmmmm might be a problem with the chooser.

  • Womanofyr

    It's interesting that you call yourself a dog. And then you expect the ideal woman to come your way (the non bitch type). Frankly, the mate for a dog IS a another dog. She may be a good or equal pedigree. lol

    Let's look at the bitch concept. Every woman will disagree with something at some time. Often, if you a dog. It's gonna happen. They can't all be evil bitches.

    A match for a human is a human: That means she wants to be treated right. She got demands.. human demands. Treat her right, else you don't get whatever.

    Submission was mentioned. That is a term for married people (at least committed deeply): You not married. And keep in mind that if you a cheater you have broken the marriage contract legally and biblically. You can't break all the covenants, confidence, or contracts and act like you get no consequences. Grow up. At the very least, you get no sex sometimes because she feels dirty with you after all you've done. If heard of women totally holding out on their cheating men. And she may be better off dumping you.

    You judge her for her allegedly slutty friends. You criticise the music and books she enjoys. You want to disconnect her from family and friends. If you the only thing in her life, that's all she gonna talk about. You want to be the center and the quarterback.. well that means that's all her conversations with people are gonna be about. And I guess if you control the information she receives, you can control her thinking. It's control/isolation.

    But I know if a guy TELL me he must be a quarterback, that makes me think he not smart enough (or emotionally equipped) for the job. I believe a quarterback is chosen, he's not campaigning for the job: Women naturally listen to their HUSBANDS (you probably single). But if he wrong then she can still say no without him whining like a child. Notice kids in your family whine when they do not get to choose a movie or the pizza restaurant. That's kiddie behaviors.

    Now on the flip side (there is always a flip side), or the music thing, I think the gold digger rap music is giving some of you dog-type men excuses to dog women, and judge them based on NOTHING (or based on the music). But of course, I can't control your music. Parents control kids music for a while. But you not the parent of your woman (assuming she is your woman, and not just a jump off you trying to mold or mess with her head).

    Anyway, the mention of music in your list shows you are focus on the wrong stuff. When you focused on the wrong stuff, you will find flaws with every woman on earth. Somebody aught to make robots for a few of yall.
    .....................
    And don't get me started about rap music. These are single men with 3 hoes in their beds. Of course those women are gold diggers: They under pressure from pimps. lol Rappers complaining about actual hoes; as if they would want her if she changed.
    ......................

    Ok, Ok. I have heard on positive living tv, that men want to have less hassle (sometimes in unrealistic ways). And women want the closeness, emotionally (some times we seek it in men who just not available emotionally, and it don't work). That's not all they want, that's just one of the biggest things for the genders

    My point is that unless you are seriously faithful (a non dog), you get what you get. And you gots to be honest, and not judge the woman everyday of her life, for her weave (that's what attracted you). She won't be making a flip change over night. Frankly, if weave the only complaint you can come up with, she must be perfect in all the other ways. But that's not enough for you... a dog. A dog who wants an "ideal woman," aint that something.

  • Womanofyr

    It's a trip with dog acting men got demands. And the demands are about music and weave. lol

  • Enid Wilson

    Of course I compare my ex with my current. And of course, I ask what a man does first. I'm after all a woman!

    My Darcy Mutates…

  • Womanofyr

    Yeah, but I hope it's continued. I just didn't want to repeat what someone else wrote. Maybe I should.

    I think people are in agreement with some of the nice nice blogs. But on this one, everyone feel they have extra to add or want to show agreement.

  • http://TazzDaddy.com Tazz Daddy

    Well I am most certainly glad that so many of you took the time to read my little article.

    There's a few things I need for people to understand:

    First, rest assured that I'm not angry at anyone. I live a very awesome life and feel blessed enough to have a beautiful Black woman in my corner. This article is a two-part piece. In the first part, I wanted to address Black Women.

    So many times we get advice from people who cannot relate to the The Black experience and relationships. A 50-year-old male comedian can no more tell Black people out of conduct themselves in a committed relationship than ABC news can. Unfortunately, that fact doesn't stop them from doling out bad advice, while making a mint off of Black people (specifically Black women) who are looking for definitive answers. I don't claim to have all the answers, nor do I think you should follow anyone's advice to the letter. We have our own minds, and we should do what makes us happy.

    As far as the "dog" thing goes, it's obviously a metaphor. If you can't see that I don't know exactly what is going on in your life but please get a clue.

    The concept of submission is based on biblical principle. I also wrote this article for adults. This means, that if an adult is entering into a relationship it should be for the purpose of vetting a spouse for marriage. If not, why bother to waste your time?

    On my radio show, I discuss how you can do a great many things in this world, but the second you criticize a Black Woman, you're public enemy number one. I did everything I could to let you know that I love my sisters, and that I want the best for you, but somehow that got lost in the shuffle. Many of the women who commented on this article are educated, refined and are absolutely on point. Please understand, that most of you aren't. In order to speak with all of you generally, I had to address the women who have these problems. Whether you know them or not, they do exist in great mass.

    Conversely, Black men are in a state of Emergency. Ladies, many of your insecurities, disappointments and heartaches are result of a lackluster Black Man. I hope that you have this much fervor and passion when I address them on their Bullshit.
    I hope that you will check me out http://facebook.com/TazzDaddy

    May God Bless and Keep you.

  • Womanofyr

    The term "dog" is used by many women and men to describe a no good man / cheating or dishonest man. Dogs and non-dogs have women.

  • Womanofyr

    And books on relationships do give learned advice and perspective. Some show some advance social skills. People can't just stay their own perspective, they have to gather knowledge and process the info.

  • rek

    "Believe it or not, most men don’t want a prostitute."

    LMAO

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    I think Tazz acknowledged that but just flipped the metaphor. Instead of it being the standard negative men dogging around, he said/wrote that if men are dogs you must recognize that there are different types of dogs—some loyal some not.

    That's what I took from that particular entry.

  • Womanofyr

    The only way a dog is high pedigree is if he id a don wan or maybe a playboy. He might rationalize and say high pedigree. But I'm sure the woman does not like a cheater if she in love: that's hurtful. Some dogs figure they loyal by staying with the wife, and treating the other many women like jump offs. Thus leading a double life: a single life and a married life.

    And Steve Harvey wrote a serious book on relationships. Comedians have some emotional intelligence, anyone can have that. If the relationship is threaten by well meaning books, then what's going on in that relationship. (The Harvey criticism was not high pedigree.)

    Hey, if he view himself as a dog, in the context of a relationship discussion, that is on him. A blog is a call for opinions, I gave mine.

  • http://www.dashofreality.wordpress.com Dash

    ROFL. You men sure have no clue what you want. And you just did ALL men in on number 13. ALL of you have a (multiple) scumbag/lowlife friends so should we assume the same for you? A mess.

  • QuoteMan

    You just couldn’t help it, could you? All these bullshit you steady spout is to what avail…………..? smh. Not quite sure how plausible is anything that comes from you. Considering that, in your own pedestrian way, you’re only attracted to men with blue eyes (your words), it’s fair to say all your disappointments in men came by courtesy of white men. Yet, each time there’s a debate of this nature you choose to vilify black men. You’re some character, I tell you………… When you’re not exaggerating your personal stories, your comments are always acrimonious to say the least.

    This is the impression I’m getting, in light of how much vitriolic hate black men has received from you on this site, I’m certain that you’re the woman behind “the angry black woman post” a while back. I dare you to say it wasn’t you.

    Basically, what I’m saying is you’re full of shit, Shannon – and take that to the bank.

    “It takes more than dick-slinging and having a Y chromosome to be a real man” No shit!!!!!! Get a grip, you got issues.

  • Dr. Heathert

    OMG...this right here, is TRUTH!

  • Webb

    Number 3 - I must admit I enjoy a weave every now and then, but my man loves it. I look like his little fantasy girl already but he enjoys me being able to be versatile and switch things up every now and then - he appreciates that. I dont wear make up- all I need is lip gloss and im extremely comfortable with everything I have. Men dont realize many of us wear weaves to give our OWN hair a break so it can grow AND because we like to bust out that alter ego. And then there are some women who have unmanageable hair and need to do that because its easier for them. But for every woman, when she has a weave it shouldnt be about hiding herself from you, its enhancing her own beauty and doing that extra something for herself. The women you should be worried about are those who in addition to the weave, wear that thick make up, fake eyelashes, fake nails and all that everyday...now THATS more likely a woman hiding from who she is.

  • ms.virgo

    as I was reading I thought the same thing a lot of people took this way to personal and if you think about what was written some of it does make sense some of it doesn't and some of it was just funny lol the only thing is that it shouldn't have been directed at only black women when it comes to relationships race needs to be thrown out the window

  • Brina

    I agree that some people overcome this mentality, HOWEVER, you cant sit here and say as a child traumatic events doesnt stay with a person. Especially at the hands of a parent. That is pure BS at its finest. Whether you like it or not there are people out there that CANT shake that hurt. As somebody that struggles with this issue on both ends (mother and father) I find it offensive AND disrespectful that you are sitting here and down playing something that IS HAPPENING. Granted, I'm still chasing my dreams and accomplishing my goals, but that doesnt eliminate the fact that I'm STILL dealing with it.

    P.S. Just because you say no disrespect doesnt make it any less disrespectful.

  • http://www.lyndondavidjones.blogspot.com Lyndon

    Good luck Brina. Glad youve chosen to step up and own it. Sooooo many people run like hell. And keep running. Chardi Kala (something an East Indian guy told me once... look it up)

  • God’s Gift

    Lyndon - two thumbs up!

  • slimgoodie

    WELL SAID LYNDON...

  • Brina

    Thank you. I still have my days, but I try not to let it cripple me. I refuse to use it as an excuse, but at the same time I know its something that I will deal with for the rest of my life.

  • Shannon

    First of all, I said blue eyes are my preference, not a requirement. You have your preferences about what you find attractive. And yes, I am the woman behind the "angry black woman post" and I never denied that. I still stand behind a lot of what I said. You can say I'm full of shit if you want, that makes no difference to me, but I know what my experiences have been. I have never been disrespected by a white man the way I have been by black men. No white man has ever called me a bitch or ho or put his hands on me or tried to shove me out of his car all because I didn't want to fuck him. The white men I have dated may not have been The One for me, but there was always a modicum of respect and that is what I expect. Simple human respect. I expect nothing more and I will accept nothing less.

    If you ask the average black woman if she has ever been disrespected by black men, mistreated, used, misused and on and on, I'm sure you will get an affirmative on that. For me, I decided it was in my best interest to stay away from them and focus on what I find attractive, not what's politically correct. If I see somebody get burned, why in the hell would I touch the stove too? You tell black men to get their shit together instead of upbraiding me; I'm not the reason black men are they way they are. I am only in control of myself.

    And yes, it does take more than dick-slinging and having a Y chromosome to be a real man. I suppose that struck a nerve with you because perhaps somewhere deep down it applies to you or someone you know. Say whatever you want and if you feel my personal experiences are exaggerated, oh well. Believe whatever the fuck you want. A white man would have been more concerned about what led me to feel this way and try to understand my POV instead of blasting me about something he knows to be true, to a point.

    I am well aware that not all black men have an agenda. Can you honestly say that you have never cheated on a woman or never strung one along or played games to get her into bed? Can you honestly say that you have been a complete open book? Can you honestly say you have never approached a woman with the sole purpose of getting laid, knowing you didn't want to be with her?

    You can call me a liar and claim I'm full of shit if you want, but I've never had that problem with white men. The only white men that I have ever grieved over were my father and husband and that was because they passed away. I have never had a strange white man refer to me as a "bitch" on the street, but black men have done that.

    If you have any kind of problem with my experiences, talk to your fellow brethren. Tell them to get their shit together and stop vilifying me for their behavior.

  • Shannon

    I comment because like everyone else, I have an opinion and the right to express said opinion, even if no one agrees with me or likes what I have to say. My man respects me for far more than just being a woman and because I understand the true nature of men, I know what I am doing is very effective. A relationship is a two-way street, but it is not for me to show a man I am worthy of him; it is up to him to demonstrate that he is worthy of me. A man is supposed to put the women in his life on a pedestal. When a man takes a woman out on a date, he is demonstrating what he has to offer her. When my man flies down to Ohio just to have lunch with me, all I owe him is my appreciation. With men, they seek a woman's appreciation, approval, acceptance and admiration. Once a woman starts thinking, "Well, he did this for me, so I will do this for him," and starts doing things for him, that devalues everything that he's done for her and he starts to pull back.

    You don't think I do anything for a man? I show him my appreciation and approval. Do I swim through shark-infested waters to bring him a drink? Of course not. That would be outside my nature as a woman. But most women believe they have to reciprocate in relationships, but this is their undoing. If a man opens the car door for a woman to get it, she can ruin what he just did for her by unlocking the door for him.

    Simply put, men like to feel they can take care of themselves while providing for a woman. This is what I do with the men I am with and this had worked for me with my husband until he passes and the man I've been dating, who regularly tells me he likes that I understand a man's true nature. Men like to feel needed and mine enjoys being my White Knight, no pun intended.

  • Starita34

    "A white man would have been more concerned about what led me to feel this way and try to understand my POV instead of blasting me about something he knows to be true, to a point"

    OMG Shannon. You can't seriously believe this. This is so racist and convoluted and just reckless. There's sharing your opinion, having heated debate and there is spewing hate...I'm afraid you (and Quote Man) have crossed the line. This statement is just sad and doesn't foster anything positive. What do you hope to accomplish from making statements such as these? No one is stopping you from dating white men. Congratulations, glad you found someone. But must you bash black men (and women)? Really. WHAT does that accomplish? That guy that kicked you out of his car. HE was an @ss. Probably due to a million factors. The least of which was due to the amount of melanin in his skin. I believe you know better than that, I really do. Perhaps it's just simply easier for you to vilify the Black community than deal with some of the issues from your past that you've mentioned, so that's what you do, but it's unfair and poisonous.

    I can't stand when people say that if you date interracially that you are "self hating" but I hate to say that in this case it seems to apply. I sincerely hope for the sake of your (black) children that you resolve this issue within yourself.

  • http://undressingher.com undressingHER

    As others have stated, there is no roadmap for every relationship, or everyone in a specific gender. We all want and desire different things.

    I dislike weave and I've never really known a man who does like it, especially over 25. However, we deal with it because if we choose not to, the pool of available women that meet our physical standards would probably shrink by 60%. I just love that natural look.

  • hresery

    well I cant agree with everything and I can care less I just know who I am and what I want I don't know it all but I know enough to say I got my own mind no songs or what people tell me gon change me but i may consider your opinion if I think it may help in some way. I'm not a nagger I'm more a listener so I will hear you out think it over if I don't agree I will approach you and give off my reasons after hearing yours Now this blog Pretty good guide line common sense to me I am a woman I'm single for now my choice but recently I been wanting someone in my life I like that you pointed out the weave and make up thing cause I'm one who don't like neither but if i dont have my hair done that instant due (WIG) will do i get home its off never make up but in another blog i read if you not all fancied up means you dont care about the way you look if you have to do weave and fake nails do it shows a man you care I didn't to much like that blog cause I very much care for me it don't take much for me to be a sexy woman make up change my face that not me. well I like what u had to say

  • http://www.cheapstudiobeats.com Dre

    Good article. I have been preaching these things for years. The minute you can understand that the media is our biggest enemy and has always been, you will have half the battle won. Don't forget that most racist white america is mad that there is a face in the white house- which means almost nothing at this point to blacks, but they are still angry and taking it out on us - especially in the job market here in Michigan. Just know that through music and media they are assasinating us. So anyways, I am in a loveless marriage with a spouse I have caught cheating on more than one occasion. I am ready to move on and I honestly have had my fill of black women for the reason's stated above. This is not to say that there aren't good black women, but I haven't run across one yet. This chick I am married to believes alot of the media and has what I would describe alot of our people to have - a type of mental illness due to the false reality they have put out there. We are in a dire situation and need to be educated on who we really are as a people.

  • http://www.cheapstudiobeats.com Dre

    And you 2 are exactly the problem. Because of this ignorant shit. This is why black men turn to other races. We can't have a civil opinion now? YOU are the problem. And if you had read the article it explains this idiodic mentality. There are good black men in the world but you will never have one.

  • X

    Because black men get such a bad rap period. If you had any common sense or humanity you would see that. He is not putting ALL black women out there for this to apply to, but obviously there is a big majority that think the way he is expressing in this article. I know because I see it everyday. Out of every race in this world black men have it the worst because we get no empathy, we are pitted against one another, and there is absolutely no help or support given, especially from the black woman. I used to look down on black men I saw with bad attitudes and chips o their shoulders, but after experiencing the racism over the years not only in the workplace, but PERIOD - in the media, at the stores, you have got to be an idiot not to see the problems that black men face. We don't have support, help, or any other luxuries that any other race gets. We are ALWAYS the bad person, in racist hollywood we always have some shortcoming, and on the job if we don't kiss enough ass, or play into some cracker's picture of what they think we should be, then there's a problem. I lost my last job at Quicken Loans because of 3 racist idiots who couldn't stand that someone black was able to come in and outdo them. Not to mention the fact that I saved the company over 500k in costs to move downtown Detroit. I use this as an example because I am sick and tired of everyone playing themselves and ignoring the fact that this is a big ass problem. I am an IT guy and have gone through this for years. It doesnt matter how good I am, or that I come early and leave late. You need to understand that this is a deliberate character assasination and look past your damn egos for a minute. Black men - the good ones - are tired of this.

  • http://www.cheapstudiobeats.com Dre

    Good for you. But for those of us who live in the real world, that doesn't apply.

  • Trina

    “A relationship is a two-way street, but it is not for me to show a man I am worthy of him; it is up to him to demonstrate that he is worthy of me.”
    WOW really then who shows him, you really don’t know what a real relationship is all about. Just like he demonstrates he is worthy of you, you need to do the same. OMG what white man told you that?
    “With men, they seek a woman’s appreciation, approval, acceptance and admiration. Once a woman starts thinking, “Well, he did this for me, so I will do this for him,” and starts doing things for him, that devalues everything that he’s done for her and he starts to pull back.”
    First off a man doesn’t seek anything from a woman. Second of all a woman should not think like that, you don’t do something for someone else just because they did something for you. You do something for him because you care about him, love him, and you appreciate everything he does for you. What man pulls back when he is shown appreciation. How do you show him your appreciation by saying just a thank you baby all the time or do you cater to him? I know a man wants their woman to show appreciation by other means than sex or head. You might need to listen to ‘Cater 2 U’ by Destiny’s Child.

    “If a man opens the car door for a woman to get it, she can ruin what he just did for her by unlocking the door for him.”
    Wow are you serious, that is some BS right there boo, where do you get that from, if he opens the car door for you to get in the least you can do is unlock the door for him that alone shows you care about him, love him, heck even shows him you got his back; but above all of that it is just common courtesy.

    Well I will be the first to tell you, you do not understand men not with this BS your spitting. Men do not need to feel like they can take care of themselves they should already know that. Over 90% of my friends are men so I understand men. I know a man want his woman to be there for him, to support him always, to give him love that pure unconditional love, a man wants a women to show him that she needs him by trusting him and letting him be the man that he is, a man needs to know that his women wants him for him not for what he has, a man wants his woman to be loyal, honest, trust worthy, and the list goes on.

    In every relationship there is give and take I totally disagree with a man always giving. A real man will get tired of always giving he wants some type of appreciation. Whether you know it or not a sincere ‘Thank You’ does go along way. Of course there are other ways of showing appreciation. From your statements I already know that you’re not they type of chic to take her man out to dinner and say “Baby I got it” and pay it. Try that one day to show your appreciation, dang it’s the least you could do. Oh wait that’s right that not a women’s nature lol. Before you get on your white horse (no pun intended) make sure you have the money to pay for it just in case he actually let you do it. Anyway whether or not he does, it’s the action that really counted.

    Thinking the way you think is why a lot of the black men are going to other races. You spitting this BS and a lot of black women listen to that BS believing that mess is true. Black men deserve to be treated like a King of course if he is a good man; we want a man to treat us as his Queen but not willing to do the same for him WOW. I see why you are with a white man I have nothing against you or him and I understand that you have your opinion but don’t post anything about a black man when you don’t know anything about him well a good one. Think about this while your doing what you think you shouldn’t do are you sure he is faithful to you. Sitting on your behind doing nothing for him or as I said before sex or head is not showing appreciation shoot a man can get that anywhere.

    But hold up let me quote you once more “…the men I am with and this had worked for me with my husband until he passes and the man I’ve been dating, who regularly tells me he likes that I understand a man’s true nature.”

    You are married so I think those words the black men are calling you might be correct. What else can you offer a man but sex shoot you are MARRIED. I don’t care if your husband is sick [I’m not saying he is but just an example] you have no business being with anyone else but him don’t vows meaning anything to you. WOW are you serious. Do you really see how you sound here and you say it proudly well no thumbs up here. Back to what I said about him being faithful to you NOT he is a sugar daddy that is all he is. What else can he do with you? NOTHING He cannot build anything dang boo you are MARRIED. OMG I’m going to pray for you. What you need to do is stop being bitter, forgive the ones that have done you wrong and forgive yourself. Go to GOD in prayer and ask Him for forgiveness.

    I am the biggest man basher but I will not let you continue to disrespect Black men like that. I have been hurt by them too but all of them are not the same. Just in case you are wondering no I am not with a Black man or any man I am single. A single parent and men of all races do not want a ready made family but I am not dumping on Black men for that it’s a choice their choice. There are still some good men out here and it’s a shame that a lot of women think like you. Get your act together I’ll tell you from my own experience the White Knight (no pun intended) can be worse. All I could say is thank God I did not date him I saw it before it got that far.

  • Miss Conception

    So the reason why black men turn to other races is the same reason black women go to others as well? Wow. This seems counterproductive. My real issue is what does her opinion have to do with you personally? She only speaks of the black men she has encountered, not black men as a whole. And don't give me there are good black men speech I hear way too much yet have no good feedback. He could be making 6 figures, own his own house, have his own business, love his mama, come from a good home and still be a BUM. Or as I like to say, LAME! Being a good guy doesn't cut it anymore for some of us. Prove to us that you don't just have good intentions in life, but for me too. That is why she has a problem with many black men. I have found as well that no matter how good you are, that doesn't mean you are good enough for me. That honey is the real truth...

  • preachit

    Amen...That last paragraph was the truth. Preach it sister!

  • http://Facebook.com Butterfly

    Wow I hope I don't offend Sharron, but judeing from the remarks sweety you sound like one of those angry black women ALL men not just black RUN from, this guy made some very good points and they all made sense and I as a black woman ENJOY treating my husband like the wonderful KING he is! It's just so funny to look at this any rant which is contrary to every point he made... Coming from a black woman that has been married to my black man for 12 years I look for ways to please my man yes I cater to him, yes he does like to pull my hair during sex, no he doesn't like me hanging out with whoreish women, yes he wasnts me to be beside him so if you call that submission brung the whips and chains! And no I don't go through his phone because I love him and TRUST him! The creator of this post didn't say these were 15 RULES to live by but simply his opinion of what most men want and from what I have been exposed to in even hearing and engaging in conversations with wether it be my husband, friends, or coworkers men want you to just be a loving wife and know your role and position and he will play his part remember men are wired totally different than us women and have very delicate egos, so lift your man up don't bring him down, God bless and I hope if you haven't already found someone to put up with you that you do..... Gone!..... Sorry if words are mispelled thus damn iPhone has a language if it's own lol!

  • http://Facebook.com Butterfly

    Yeah I think most women don't want the truth! Speaking as a black woman from what I've grown up hearing and seeing this brother is speaking the real! All the angry remarks probably come from lonely ass women and they wonder why they are still single lol!

  • http://Facebook.com Butterfly

    Wow so many angry women disagree! Guess the truth hurts! As a black woman that has been married for 12 years I mist day every word tn Tazz post is true for me and my husband, he likes to pull my hair during sex, he dosent want me around loose women sorry people but that's just not a good look, I TRUST him enough to not have to look through his phone, so childish and insecure, I SUBMIT and I love doing it nothing makes me feel more better than being there for him when he needs me and being his support, given the way the world depicts our black man and the hardship he goes through just because of being black, I feel I should treat him like the KING he is! That's the problem with a lotta women they have so much built up anger and this I must be independent mentality til when a real man comes around they don't know how to act and end up turning him off, it takes 2 u please me and I please u, but in today's society not the norm everybody is out for something and miss true love because he dosent drive a 2010 BMW or he dosent like that slutty friend of yours (who by the way was probably trying to get with him behind your back). Well anyway my husband should be home any sec gotta get that nice hot bath ready and finish his dinner..... I love to cater to my man! Sorry for the typos my iPhone has a language of it's own!

  • http://Facebook.com Butterfly

    So true our BLACK men need us BLACK women to support them at least after the rest of the world shits on him he can come home a feel loved! The media got womens heads all messed up and here Tazz is simply putting his opinon of what black men want out there her come the typical black women to tear him down! Well not me I believe in supporting and empowering our blackmen! Then she wonder why she stlii single and lonley... Oh well I thank God I know how to be a lady!

  • Lola

    FANTASTIC!!! Simply Fantastic!!

  • Brina

    I agree with his tips to an extent, so I'm glad they apply to your marriage. However, after reading a few of your posts it is as if you're looking down on those that don't agree with his tips. They have a right to disagree just like you have a right to agree. Doesn't make you "better" than them. I apologize if I'm wrong, but it comes across that way to me.

  • http://www.warriorwoman.us DrDeeCee

    Tazz, tazz, and all that jazz. Tell me, please, why you so mad? Your tone is hostile, your assumptions off-base, your sexism palpable, and your solutions untenable. Today's black women don't need another daddy. Especially if the one they had was no good in the first place. Go read about Condoleezza Rice's parents, and get a lesson in the way it used to be. Before desegregation. Before you had a chance to compare black women unfavorably against women of other races. Before black women came to understand that you were not only not in our corner, but you were eager to take your newfound rapping skills to call us names, trash our reputations, and send a message to the world that your low opinion of sisters was right in line with the way whitefolks schooled you to think about us. So, TazzDaddy, you ain't my daddy. And you need to stop with the preachin' of your retrograde views to grown and sexy free black women. WE AIN"T TRYIN' TA HEAR THAT NOISE! We love us just the way we are! And if you get past your Neanderthalism, we might just love you, too!

  • Jiquawn

    now THIS is journalism

    f*ck

  • angelo

    this is true all of this is true so if you dont listen to this your a fool

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