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Do I Have to Have Kids? (The Male Biological Clock)

Posted by NWSO • January 2, 2011 • Printer-friendly

Turning 34 isn’t really a big deal. It's not one of those milestone ages like 16, 18, 21 or 30. It is just what it is: a three and a four, which aren't the most exciting numbers. The only signifying thing about it is that it means I'm less than a year away from 35 (357 days and counting to be exact).

Now 35 is supposed to be something big. According to the (adjusted) plan I laid out for myself I'm to be married and have my first kid by then. But if you recall my stance on marriage and kids, I want to be at least a few years into my nuptials before offspring enter the picture—even if that means wearing a condom with my wife. Being husband and wife is a big deal to me and I'd like to get that foundation together first before throwing titles of mommy and daddy in the mix. Needless to say, since I'm not even engaged that kids-by-35 thing might need to be adjusted to like 37 or something like that.

I know as a man I have the luxury of having kids whenever I want but I still don't want to be an old father. That's not to say 37 is old but when you start crunching the numbers, the idea of being at least 59/60 by time my son or daughter graduates college (and that's if I only have one kid) I start to think: Damn, is my (male) biological clock ticking?

I've always been of the philosophy that our whole purpose in life is to have kids. Everything we do and consider important—from career and fashion to politics and even this blog—only matters to other people. In the grand scheme of the universe all that really matters is passing on your genes. That's the driving force of every other living creature. Human beings just often forget that we are still just animals. The only difference is that we're conscious and aware of our own mortality so we feel like we have to do "something" to let others know we were here. There's no better way to do that than to procreate.

With that said, I've always thought that despite being scared of the world we live in that having kids was just something I was supposed to do. But as I get older I begin to wonder; do I have to have kids? Yeah, it'd be nice to but would my life be incomplete without little Sock Heads running around?

Who knows?

Two of my greatest fears have always been being a bad father and being a bad husband mainly because of my workaholic nature. A while back my homegirl told me that being a good father shouldn't be a problem for me, but my wife may take a back seat to work and fatherhood.

But what if I just cut kids out of the equation?

Let's say I find my Mrs. NWSO and she accepts me flaws and all. I don't see why our happily ever after couldn't be a two person ending. The picket fence and 2.5 kids don't necessarily have to be a factor. Two people could love each other, call each other husband and wife, and spend eternity as a twosome and be completely happy, right? I mean, there are plenty of people who have never had (or even want) kids and live perfectly fine lives. Who's to say that I can't be one of them?

Again, that's not to say that I've given up on kids just because I turned 34, but I have expanded (or diminished depending on how you look at it) my outlook on kids. As much as I'd like to have some that doesn't mean I will. More specifically, there's no rule that says every person has to have kids. Whatever the case, I'm still a few years away from my new 37 deadline so I'll deal with the issue of kids then. For now I'll just stay focused on finding that wife.

Do you agree with my philosophy that our purpose in life it to pass on our genes? Do you automatically assume all married couples will have kids? Could you marry someone who didn't want to have kids? Are you open to the idea of not having kids after a certain age? Do you think men have a biological clock as well? Is there a point where you feel you'll reach an age where it's too late to have kids? If so, what age? Does that vary between men and women? Do you have an issue with the idea of being an "old" parent?

Speak your piece...

Tagged as: bad father, bad husband, bad parent, biological clock, condom, happily ever after, kids, too old

paulette_bajan_gal

I'm in a similar boat but on the other end...I have one child and I'm not sure I want another so it limits the men I choose to date.I really would prefer they have a child or 2 already so I can take the battery out of my biological clock and dump it in a drawer.lmao.The pressure to have another child is not something I want right now and I figure if I date a man like you it's something that would pop up sooner than later.
sunshyne84

I feel like its not gonna happen for me and I'm okay with that. I feel left out sometimes when I see all my friends with kids, but I'm in no rush to catch up. I don't want to be an old mom either. I'll just visit my nieces and nephews if I start feeling that itch. I have plenty of those!
brendadc

First of all, that big dog in that picture scares me - not sure if he/she would turn into Cujo and attack the kids lol. On a more serious note, I have been wrestling with the question of whether I want kids or not. At this point, I'm leaning toward no, and I do know some guys who don't want kids as well. I don't assume every married couple wants kids...and I wish more folks wouldn't give you a crazy look when they find out you may not want kids. Choosing to be childless doesn't make me a "bad" person.
http://www.mikamatsumoto.com mimattoko

Here is a topic I feel rather strongly about. Socially, we are "programmed" to believe that we are supposed to have kids by X age. We all have a biological clock -- male and female. The thing many people forget is having children is a choice, not a must. I am 32 years old and have no plans on ever having children. Men do have the luxury of waiting until their 60+ to bear fruit, but by no means are they obligated to do so. Women are not obliged to follow this path. Frankly, I think there is much joy for a married couple to have and not have kids in tow. Think of all the things you can do and places you can go without having to worry about babysitters and planning vacations around school holidays. You can do what you want when you want... with your partner of choice. Finding men (in my case) that don't want to have kids in my age bracket is tremendously difficult and while I don't want to assume everyone is trying to get pregnant, there does seem to be a trend in that direction. Everyone is feeling the pressure to procreate these days... I feel like the odd woman out at times. Not enough for me to "give in" and pop one out though...
Junegemini

I disagree with your philosophy that we are all here to pass on our genes. I don't believe all people are meant to have their genes reproduced or infertility, miscarriage, and some diseases wouldn't occur. I think men can delay parenthood until a later age and not worry if it will happen while women have a finite number of eggs and time to use them. Old parents (40+) are selfish IMO and don't consider how their age will impact their children. Yes they might be better off financially and emotionally but their kids have to face geriatric parenting issues while they are in their 20's.
Preachthecomedian

I'm 27 and I've been wrestling with thus topic for awhile. My mom was married and had me by the time she was 24...so I'm 3 years past that now...I want kids but i'm still in my selfish stage...I enjoy not having to guide and protect a innocent child right now...i like my me time way to much to be dealing with homework , the birds and bees talk, or afterschool concerts...
I'm good
Distinguished Gentlewoman

I'm one person who wishes she could find a man who shares my desire to NEVER be a parent. I do think a couple can live happily sans offsprings. And I want to be a part of that couple. Call me selfish if u want, but I have no desire to share my husband's time or attention with a child. There I said it!
Preachthecomedian

I'm still selfish can just imagine kid wantin some shoes

Kid: "daddy I need new shoes"
ME: "me 2 and I'm the one with a job little nigga so u kinda assed out little boy"
http://ljmaggie.wordpress.com LJ Maggie

I will actually be turning 34 in a little over a month. Most of my closest friends are younger and are either getting married, recently married or with child. But they are also in the Midwest and I am in LA going after my dreams. I do feel like the clock ticking a little. A one point I was dating someone who already had kids and didn't want anymore. At that time I was willing to give up wanting kids. The more I thought about and the more I spent time with my nieces and nephews, I realized that I want to be a mother.

The man I am dating is 9 years older than me and wants kids as well. Though I like you thought I would at least have one kid by now, I am okay with having one in my mid 30's.
adrienne

I know that I don't want kids. I've never had the desire to have them either. The problem I'm having is finding a man that doesn't have kids or wants them.

I wish more people realized they do not have to reproduce.
JC

I for one hope that I meet someone that doesn't want kids. It isn't about passing on my genes or my vast knowledge I just don't want the responsibility. I don't even want to be a step-mother...Yes I know that puts me in the running for being alone forever...I think I'll deal with the fact as I sleep late on Sundays and don't have to come home to kids needing help with homework. I remember what growing up was like for me and my parents were far from selfish they were just busy.
For a while that clock was ticking. Like a roaring I couldn't get out of my head and as I went through life it slowed and became this dull thud.
Parenthood is not for everyone and I am one of those people.
http://sillysinglegal.blogspot.com Co Co

This is a great topic! I'll be 30 this year and I've always said if I don't have a child by the time I'm 33, I'm not having one. I actually prefer to date men who have at least one child because I'm not 100% sure I want to have any. This is unfortunate news for my Grandmother, who assures me I'm going to die alone with no one to take care of me if I don't have children. Oh well. lol
http://sillysinglegal.blogspot.com Co Co

I hate that people get labeled as "selfish" just because they don't want children. I actually think the only people who should be allowed to have children are the people who weigh the pros and cons
JC

Thank you for stating that. For me it was an extremely hard decision. I felt like I would be letting my father down (my sister has never wanted kids) I have been told that I would make a great mother but I really had to look within myself and see when I am my MOST happy and also what I plan to do with my life and if kids really fit into that.
mine jaz

I dnt think its so much that we have to pass on our genes but our philosophys...our ideals...wat we learned from the generations b4 us and thru our own experiences...n u see this even in other species of animals adopting a young one...yes there of the same kind but I'm sure its more than just protecting a lifeline...its protecting everything that makes that lifeline incredible.
Lisa

Co Co, I've heard that too about no one taking care of me in my old age & I just counter with: your child/children will put you in the same nursing home that I'm in . Seriously, not everyone wants kids & they shouldn't be called selfish because they at least know that before popping out some.
JC

It is human in my eyes and smart to stop and think.
My main reason for wanting kids was to fill the void my mom's death left. After I dealt with her death and took a step back and thought DID I, me, myself and I want kids...and not just want a pregnancy...DID I want the responsibility of raising them...that answer was no.

I think more people need to take a step back and examine why they want kids in the first place.
Amber

wow so far most of the post are related to not having kids...

Im going against the grain here to say I want children. I WANT THEM NOW. I'm 28 I have mulitple degrees and I am seriously dating. I always wanted a couple years without children in my marriage but the closer I get to 30 (29 is in a couple months) them more I consider it without a guy, or having them as soon as I get married. I know its wrong (in my rational mind) to have a child without two parents if I can help it. I know as a professional therapist a the same sex parent is the most influential in the childs life (so I guess I want a girl ??? ) but I want my children!!!!

My guy is 34 and his parents are in thier LATE 60's because they had him later in life....so now we have to discuss taking care of his parents very early into our relationship. I don't want that to happen to my children. I want them to have a life before they have to worry about me (as thier mother).

So yes my clock has been ticking loudly since the completion of my last degree. I have even considered my career path and which ones are a better match for parenting.
duepayer

I love other people's kids. I really do. But I'm not sure if I want/need to have my own. Especially with the amount of foster children out there who need a family to come home to. I don't particularly feel the need to breed. lol. At this point I'm more focused on finding the right relationship. I'm sure everything else will fall into place from that point on. And if that's not in the cards I'm not trippin' over that either. Just living my life and loving it right now.
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.com Tiffany

Well my mother had me when she was 44 and she had 4 grown kids already, and she and my dad were great even though they were on the older end. I don't think I could marry anyone that takes that option away from me. This is a discussion that you should be having before you are married and I don't think that this is something that you can easily compromise on. My bestie is divorcing right now because her hubby changed his mind and has decided he wants no children. That is a deal breaker for most. I think everyone has a biological clock, it is just that the one ticking in a woman is a whole lot louder because she knows that her child bearing years are fleeting after 30. While I don't think I want to be in my 50's having a youngster, I would still be open to the idea if those were the cards I was dealt.

Peace, Love adn Chocolate
Tiffany
jesse

I think there are some things that we will only understand about God, Love, Humanity and the universe when we have kids. Not to say you wont live a happy life if you don't have kids but... I just I'm surrounded by regretful family members who waited and now cant reproduce. you'd be amazing at how much money we've spent, tears shared, arguments and STUPID decisions that have being made-talking lives destroyed- just in an effort to have a kid or more... i know so many more ppl who want nothing but a child but cant have one. If i'm blessed enough to not have any problems conceiving at whatever age i met HIM, i'm going for it...I know I'll make a great parent because I know how major it is to have a child.

I get the argument, that after a certain age blah blah, but thats like saying after 40 you cant come up with an intervention that changes society, or run a marathon...life is not over because you don't do things in society "timeline".

Money? there might never be a "right time" if that all. My aunt has 5 kids(it wasn't the plan), her hubby the main provider and they are less than mid class. its hard but those kids are loved, well educated, cultured. With love and Hard work and a lil sacrifice there will be provision. another aunt tried for years now has a child, she's a single mother in canada, without fam there, she talks bout how hard it has been! but she wouldn't trade up her child for anything

I know its not black and white, I am freaked out by the times we are living in, Scared to Mess up my kids like my parents did me....but at the end of the day...Well I just could never see it any other way.
http://sillysinglegal.blogspot.com Co Co

We do sound kinda anti-children. lol I'm not anti-children, but if I don't have any I'm okay with that. I have several nieces and nephews and several God children. The reason I prefer dating a man with children is because I don't want to take that option away from anyone if that's truly what they want. The old parent idea is definitely something that doesn't interest me, that's why I have the 33 year old time-frame. That's not written in stone or anything, but that's been my feeling for years.
Distinguished Gentlewoman

I agree 100%. Because I think the selfish ones are those who have kids when they know in their hearts they are not ready or responsible enough to be a parent. Not everyone is parent material. I admit I'm not. I wish more people were honest enough to admit it before the babies come.
Preachthecomedian

I'm weary of having kids due to my father leaving us when I was 8. How am I suppose to be this man or father figure when I never has one? I'm too scared of messing my kids up...I got issues I don't want passed down to them.
Is that wrong or selfish?
http://sillysinglegal.blogspot.com Co Co

I'm glad to see a lot of people making informed decisions about having children, and not just doing it because they think they should, or worse, just because they can.
http://sillysinglegal.blogspot.com Co Co

I've always thought I would be a foster parent, whether I had kids of my own or not. That is still a real possibility.
http://primarythoughts.net Melanie

No, not wrong or selfish. Very much the opposite. My son's father was out of the picture for years. I asked myself "How can I be a father, when I was never as son?" Then after I started analyzing the situation, I realized my ex could ask himself the same damn thing. His father wasn't there to teach him.

I think what people don't realize and what many people never give themselves or their parents is true forgiveness. No one, not even the college educated, house owning, 700 credit score having couple with parents that been married for 50 years as an example and 3 years a marriage behind them, now let's have some babies get it right. It's impossible.
http://primarythoughts.net Melanie

I already have children and I'm on the tail end of parenting, so you would think these questions wouldn't come up for me... but they do. I'm at an age and maturity level now that seems to attract a wide age range of men, so I've seen these types of thoughts come from all different perspectives. I was a young mother that owned all of the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood. So, I'm not interested in more children. Nor, am I interested in dating someone with children. Seems weird, I know, but been there... done that... done. And I absolutely adore children!
Rastaman

If passing on our genes was a "purpose", I would hope we administered it a whole lot better. Toomany people bent on reproducing don't strike me as prime candidates for maintaining our specie. But that is my own opinion.

As society we are lucky if people do get married before they decide to have children it makes you assume maybe they have really thought seriously about establishing and maintaining a stable family structure. Getting married to have babies is not a necessity but based on what is happening with our children, just try for their sakes.

If I do decide to have children, I would be considered an older parent, closing in on social security by the time my kid graduates college. I was a year from graduating HS when my parents were my age and I am the youngest in the family. But guess what I am also physically and financially much healthier than my parents were at my age. Thus I think I am better prepared to be a father than my father was and probably will never have the feelings that my kid(s) robbed me of a greater life. Beneath the surface there are too many parents who believe having kids robbed them of a greater existence.

Older parents in my estimation tend to be more stable parents as many times they have had enough of an understanding of life to provide their children with what is most important and are not still themselves trying to figure it out while they are raising children.

Some of the most recent research says that men do have a biological clock as their fertility declines with age and there may be higher odds of deformities in babies born to older fathers. I am not hell bent on having children myself but neither have I closed the door on that option either. My last few relationships have been with women who were attempting to beat their perceived biological clocks and I have even had offers to just be a donor. I may be stubborn but I still want to be a major influence in the life of any child I may father.

Our true purpose is to make this world a better place than we found it in my book. Producing better human beings is more important in that equation than leaving behind a genetic marker, i.e. your "seed".
da ThRONe

I want kids without a doubt ,but I would never say everybody should do anything. If you don't want kids it's your choice. Although it does start to limit the people you can be with.

I do worry about my age (just turning 30). My dad and all my older brothers have all had their kids before they hit 3-0(provide none of them have anymore kids especially my old ass dad LOL). The way teens are there is a possibility my newphews could be fathers before me. Scary
da ThRONe

I can't imagine being with a woman with kid(s) that wouldn't want to have my kid(s). It's hard enough being with a woman with a child as is. The thought that I couldn't procreate just because you couldn't stop would be a huge problem for me.
http://thecanydshoppe.wordpress.com Ronnie6676

I don't believe everyone should have children. Children are a huge commitment, emotionally, financially, in every way possible; so if you are not sure or whatever the case may be I say just don't do it. As far as time clocks, yes we do have them because physically our bodies are programmed that way. For women there is the issue of a limited amount of eggs and also that those eggs are aging right along with us. For men there isn't the issue of limited sperm however there is still proof that sperm produced later in life are not as robust as those produced earlier. However science is allowing for reproduction to occur later and later in life. For instance my aunt had her first (and only child) at 40. There were some slight issues and she had to be monitored more closely than say a younger mother, however both her and my cousin are healthy and happy here 9 years later. So if you need to take a few more years to figure it out, it's best to be safe than bring a child into the world that you aren't 100% sold on parenting. Just my opinion
StoryofaWoman

I feel you on that, I also am not sure if I want anymore because O have one already (and the single parent thing isn't hot), and I think I might be too tired to care for another one. I tell guys up front, especially those that dont have any kids that I may or may not want anymore and they should consider that before tryign to be with me.....
MsPrincessKey

Personally I don't want any kids and never have. It just seems like too much to balance with a career, a mate, and myself plus a child. I'm not set into that decision but watching my cousins go 10+ years married without any and with no prospect of having any is definitely encouraging. Just to watch their chemistry alone is a great fun and it seems easy, more fluid in a since because their isn't any children as a distraction. I think their are plenty of women out there who don't children but there is probably more who do. Take your time and ask questions when you find her
http://www.nwso.net NWSO

You're misinterpreting my point. Infertility, miscarriage, and some diseases are all part of natural selection where only the strong survive. In most species if you're genes aren't up to par you don't get to reproduce. I.E. A wolf pack where the alpha male is the only one that gets to mate with the females while all the other males die virgins unless they one day get strong enough to take alpha out.

Human however keep the overall species weak by letting everybody reproduce--the blind, deaf and blind. As a result we keep weak elements in our gene pool. But I'm getting off topic.

To your counterpoint, what I was saying is that I believe that passing on our genes (or failing to cause they're not up to par) is more our purpose than climbing Mt. Everest, being President, or baking a cake. In the grand scheme of the universe none the latter matters, just survival of the species. The point of life is to continue life, IMHO. Even those whose genes are weak still strive to pass them on, pass or fail.
jaclynsd

Exactly! It’s always seemed crazy to me that people dont consider adoption when they havent found their significant other. How are you really going to just try and have one without a man. I know they have clinics for that but no father? And by choice? I dont know maybe that's just me but if you have a need for a child and your thinking you dont need the father...well there's kids out there w/out the mother too. Now adopting is something that is really unselfish. I think it should be a big option if you want kids and still haven’t found “the one.”
YEYO

Im 34 year old woman and in my youger days I thought I would be 1 of thoses that had children by 30 but I dont and Im 100% ok with it.
Mimi

I tend to talk to and be friends with a lot of mature/older people (60+), I always try to get them to share with me (some of) their life experiences as smoothly as I can whether they are family members, friends of the family, coworkers, random acquantainces. The reason being that I believe that they know something that I don't, regardless of race, gender, social class.
Throughout the years I have found that there are two recurrent regrets that almost systematically arise when I talked with them, whether they were involved directly or not.

#1: Education - Older people (almost) always praise getting an education. I have heard so many stories of regret of people who didn't pursue an education when they would/should/could have to gotten one, but this is not the topic of the day...

#2: Kids - People regretting not having kids when they would/should/could have had them. The reality seems to be that for those who didn't have kids, especially women whose life expectancy is higher than men, they find themselves "alone" when there is no career to care about, and/or after their spouse deceases or becomes sick (Good luck at finding a mate in your 60s ladies, it's in the statistics, in the elderly age range there are less men than women...). They find themselves with little to NO EMOTIONAL and Financial support. This is not to say that all children perfectly take care of their parents as they age, but at least it's a realistic possibility.
So now it is easy to glorify the couple chemistry and the carelessness from not having to deal with children as a couple, or from a professional standpoint... You might not be thinking the same 30 years from now.

Just something to think about...
sweetsexxybrown

Ans, you are all up in my head! I've been having those same thoughts lately. I'm 33 and presently single. The beginning of last year I wanted a baby so badly. So badly, I had started lining up potential sperm donors. After some thought, a full day with my one year old Godson (who might I add, was extremely fussy), and me trekking through the city with him/carriage and things I said to myself, I don't want one right now and definitely not while I have to take the NYC MTA,lol. While this initially changed my mind, month to month I felt more confident I didn't want a child yet and have come to a place about not being sure if I want one at all. While I still have the desire to be married, the children thing seems be a see-saw of emotions. On one hand, it would be nice to procreate a mini-version of me & hubby, but I also don't want to be "old" raising my child(ren). I'm sure my vision of "old" has to do with me not being the average age that most women/men have children but it is what it is. (which actually a whole other topic and philosophy that needs to be adjusted) I know old is a state of mind, but let's face it, to a degree.

On the other hand, I've been saying the same thing lately it would be ok not to have children and just be married. It would actually be rather sexy. Just me and the hubby. We can get up and go whenever we please. Do whatever, say whatever and just worry about less and concentrate on us. If we feel the need for children around, that's when you get the neices, nephews, godchildren and then return them! I also feel there is a certain loss of self that occurs when children are in the picture. (but rightfully so) But the couple also seems to suffer as well. In many marriages with kids, I have witnessed things end up being one sided. One parent doing more with the kids, the house, etc and said parent becomes quietly resentful which weighs on the marriage. So Ans, I have decided to see what happens and how I'm feeling after I say I do, and in the meantime concentrate on being a better me and have all the single fun I can in between!
Mimi

And just as a quick follow up, have you ever seen anyone regret having children?... It is extremely rare, I personally have never met anyone who did or expressed they did. People regret having them too young, too old, when they were not financially stable, or they regret having just one, or sometimes having too many...
What does that tell me? That timing is hardly ever perfect, but the result is worth it...
But then again it is open to interpretation.
sweetsexxybrown

oh yeah...I think it's very normal for a man to have the "biological clock ticking". Think it has nothing to do with gender. Think it has to do with the type of life you envisioned for yourself OR if you fall under the old book of thinking (society says I should have 2.5 kids, picket house, fence, a car and an education by 27). I'm sure yours is the first, but it's good to think about things you want or don't want in your life. But plans is one thing and what actually happens is another. Ever heard of the old saying, "Want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." I'm not saying planning is a bad thing, I think we just need to have a basic outline of what we want/don't want and understand the plan may be adjusted voluntarily or involuntarily.
Samantha

I have met people who regret having children...many people as a matter of fact. Most of the time your hard pressed to find those individuals 'cause that's just not something you admit. They didn't regret having their children but having children in general. You can't return that. As a person that around children being born into this world I see all the things people (mainly women) go through to reproduce. As someone who is undecided I still wonder if it's actually worth it. Most do it because it's what's expected.
Justme

Yes, I think men have a biological clock just as we women do. I feel your dilemma. I don't want kids either (atleast I don't think I do). Three degrees, two cars, wonderful man, I love my life as is, BUT will I regret my decision to be kid free when I am 83?
StoryofaWoman

Here Here! There are so many kids out there without parents that can really love them, must we have to make more children of our own to further populate the planet? lol
StoryofaWoman

You know, I find it interesting that 30 seams to be "old" in this discussion, is it because people tend to have kids at earlier ages...... I believe that children are a blessing, but at times they can be a burden. I also don't understand why people feel the need to have multiple children (3+) when their resources are limited....
I am a single parent of an 8 year old. I don't want to say I am done since I am only 28, but I am not sure if I have the energy to parent another child, even if I met a great guy (however, a good guy may change my mind lol).I dont spend as much as much time with my daughter now as I would like to, I wouldn't want to further split my time amoung another child. Also, and I do apologize for this, my daughter's father put me through a whole lot in regards to putting the majority of child rearing responsibility on me and I don't think I can trust a guy that much to have his child in fear that he would do me the same way. I didn't do a great job of picking him i must admit, and I am a much better judge of character now. However, I am scared to try parenting again. There's so much in dealing with meeting a man that is willing to deal with my kid, as well as having to deal with any kids that they may have, it may not be the best thing to further complicate things with having children of our own. I tend to date guys that have at least one child, (but no more than three lol), and am honest about my feelings of possibly not having any more children in the future. I personally am striving for a certain quality of life for me and my daughter, and I think more children will interfere with that. I want to travel with her, go on vacations, buy her her first car, pay for her college tuition, etc. I wouldn't make sense to me to have a baby in tow. I also am not feeling starting over with the crying, potty training, diaper changing, all that baby crap. Now maybe if I had a baby and they came out starting at age 5, then I would consider it.....lol
StoryofaWoman

And by the way, I told a friend of mine a few years ago, she has 3 children now and probably wants some more, that I didnt know if I wanted more children, and she basically said that I wasn't a good mother because I didn't dwell in the motherhood thing. That kind of irritated me, just as we are asking ourselves if we can be happy without children of our own, can we be happy with just one child? She saw me and my daughter as an incomplete family, since I had just broke up with my daughter's father. Over the years I have thought about this and I have decided that me and her are a complete family. First of all, her father is still apart of our family despite us not being together. But we don't need a third to make us a whole, what we have will suffice. If I don't have any more kids ever, I will not feel like I am not really a mother or like I missed out on anything. My daughter has given me enough joy and pain to last a lifetime.
http://robyninrealtime.tumblr.com rw

ohh i totally forgot about this blog (my way of saying welcome back, fans missed ya)
since my birthday was 4 days after yours, and i edged a lil closer to mid thirties...i feel ya
i'm in no rush, things aint where they need to be yet for seeds to be planted, and so on, so, my whole spend my thirties prego, has changed to spend late thirties prego, MAYBE!!!
again, i'd rather hold up, than settle for a life of assholism
SymbioticLoner

Please allow me to stick to answering your questions... No, I don't agree with your philosophy that a person's purpose in life it to pass on his or her genes. No, I don't automatically assume all married couples will have kids. Yes, INDEED I could marry someone who didn’t want to have kids!!! Yes, I am open to the idea of not having kids after a certain age. I think men have a biological clock as well, BUT some have found the "off" switch. Yes, I do feel there is a point where I will reach an age where it’s too late to have kids... LOL... And part of me feels that age is NOW!!! Since I'm not a woman, I feel I can't say whether or not such varies between men and women. No, I do not have an issue with the idea of being an “old” parent.
Amber

Yeah I can understand the 33 deadline. Thats a good point...something I have to think about
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Who, you're 30 already? I've e-known you way too long. Remember when you were just some 28-year-old weirdo on disability harassing folks on the blog at 12:01 am M-F. LOL

Now, look at ya, a transplanted Laker who put a ring on it.

*Sniff, sniff* They grow up so fast.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

For me 30 isn't old at all. Shoot not even 35. It's the fact that it takes 18 years minimum to raise a child so that if you're starting at 30/35 by time the kid is legal you will NOW be old. Lol.
God’s Gift

Umm...babe, I don't want kids
God’s Gift

"Older parents in my estimation tend to be more stable parents as many times they have had enough of an understanding of life to provide their children with what is most important and are not still themselves trying to figure it out while they are raising children." - Rastaman

I agree with Rastaman whole heartedly. I can honestly say that I will be a MUCH better parent at 30-something, than I was at 20. It is my opinion that older parents make better parents (in most cases).
QuoteMan

This convo is always funny to me, in many ways, the folks who are well off, competent, smart and responsible enough are the ones choosing not to have kids, and the dumb ones keeping have babies after babies………………. As a results society is getting dumber and dumber……….LOL. Cuz naturally, a dumb person is going to raise a dumb kid.

So please smart people reconsider – humanity needs your contribution. Lol
justme

Well, since you put it that way, I guess I need to start reproducing!!!
Marcia H.

I do agree with your philosophy. I've stopped assuming that all married couples should have kids. There was a time when I felt that all married couples should have kids b/c what's the point of getting married right? (That's a whole other discussion) but then I grew up and expanded my thinking. If I met the man of my dreams today and he said that he doesn't want kids, I would be highly disappointed and upset because I want kids. So I don't see myself even considering marrying a man who doesn't want kids. I have given up my dreams of having my fisrt child by 30. Even though I still have 4 more years before that goal, the men prospect around me aren't that good and I want to be married when I have my first child. So that dream is dwindling.
jt2

Believe it or not, because of my childhood, I decided very early on that I would not have kids. I won't go into reasons why, just know it was abusive. That being said. You can look around and see that not everyone SHOULD be a parent. I'm 46 and still have not had any and plan on getting a vasectomy sometime this year just because I am clear in what I want. No apologies or explanation is ever needed to nosey folks who feel like they want to impose what they think you should be doing with your life. If you're cool with it, thats all that matters. That doesn't mean that I would not deal with a woman who already has kids because I will and I have. It just means that I won't be 50-something trying to raise small children. Its just not something that I ever plan on doing.
AGDM

Right now I have a son who is 7 and has no siblings. I been single or in relationships for the last 5 years after separating from his mother and have had no desire to have children during that time. This year, I'm turning 32 and he is turning 8 and I'm specifically interested in having at least one more child but the foundation of a solid relationship is necessary prior to.

I can wait another couple of years but not much longer unless this hypothetical woman is younger than I am. Dating women your age is not always the best option because their clocks are ticking like crazy for the most part and not before long they may have baby names picked out. I don't mind having the conversation early on as it helps make decisions as to whether to continue dating or not.