WORDS BY PREACH THE COMEDIAN
Alright, ladies, it’s time for some tough love. It seems that some of you would rather tell a soft lie than a hard truth. That truth being that there are quite a few habits/personality traits that are keeping you from having a man.
This post is not to make fun or berate you all. It’s merely to help you recognize the annoying shit you do that causes men’s penises to shrink, what NWSO cause “erection repellent. *NOTE* Every rule has an exception and what annoys one man (or woman) may not apply to the next. *NOTE NOTE* Just because the rule has an exception doesn’t mean it’s a free pass either. You know who I’m talking to :-/
YOU’RE TOO NOSY TOO SOON:
Stop wanting to know so much so soon. Trust us all falsehoods will be discovered soon enough. Until then relax, relate, release…
YOU HAVE MALE GIRLFRIENDS:
I don’t care if you served in Iraq and he saved your life. I do NOT trust any man claiming to just being “friends” with a woman, especially one I’m interested in. Men don’t make friends on purpose after the age of 13. I got my eye on him…
I DON’T KNOW IF I’M DATING YOU OR YOUR FAMILY:
I love the fact you’re close to your family. I love that you and your parents are friends… BUT you are a grown ass woman. You should make the decisions for you not them. Tell Aunt Rachel I said what up. though.
YOU’RE A CLUB RAT:
You work hard so you should play hard—I get that—but why the hell are you partying all the time? Do I look like Eddie Murphy? Stay home some damn time. Let the bartender miss you. When club promoters and doormen/security know you by name and you don’t own the club that’s a sign that you need to sit down somewhere—and not at the bar.
YOU STALK ME ON FACEBOOK:
There’s a difference between a poke on Facebook and a poke in person. Chill out. I can’t control what someone puts on my page. While you’re at it, stop checking my page three times a day. Actually, if you got that much time on your hands then something’s wrong.
YOU LIKE “NICE” THUGS:
You’re looking for a 2Pac with a degree from Yale? Stop wanting the type of man that does not exist. Soap operas and Zane novels have rotted the common sense part of your brain. Real thugs are not real good love matches. Don’t be the bitter old woman mad that you let three nice Larry’s go for a crazy ass Darnell.
YOU LET HIM TREAT YOU BADLY:
So your ex punched you in your left eye every Tuesday for two years..and you stayed. But if I’m late picking you up from work maybe three times and you’re ready to break up. Stop treating the good guy the way you should have treated the bad guy.
YOU GET MAD WHEN I SPEAK DUTCH:
Yes, I’m a gentleman with a kind heart. Yes, I believe in treating a woman the way a man should treat his mother. Now, with that being said, could you at least offer to pay a few times. Chances are I won’t let you but can I just get some semblance of appreciation of the funding of the date.
YOU HANG AROUND TOO MANY JOCKS:
If you were friends with a lot of men on the football, basketball, or track team in school (or now) keep that to yourself. Most men don’t like women with a lot of male friends, which is more so if they played sports. Not to group you all together but, honestly, as an outsider the females that hung around or knew the team were groupies. So if you have a funny story about letting your football buddies bench press you in college, keep it to yourself
YOU ARGUE LIKE IT’S A WRESTLING MATCH:
Every argument does not need to explode into Wrestlemania. Men respond to yelling from other men by getting physical. We can’t do that with a woman so we tend to just tune y’all out. Talking to us like an adult instead of a child will go far. You get more flies with honey than vinegar.
So ladies there you have it a small list of what really bugs the piss out of us men. If you can work on these things I absolutely promise you may one day possibly have (or not have) a man. So please digest the list and pass it on.
Are you leery of dating someone that has a lot of friends of the opposite sex? Could you date someone with relatives that were too involved in your relationship? Is it a turn-off when someone hits the club every night? Do you stalk the people you’re seeing on Facebook? Would you be upset if someone questioned you about things on your page? Why don’t women ever want to at least offer to contribute to the date? What did you think of Preach’s guest post?
Speak your piece…