10 Reasons Why Men Won’t Date You – #Undateable

0 Posted by - January 19, 2011 - Uncategorized


Alright, ladies, it’s time for some tough love. It seems that some of you would rather tell a soft lie than a hard truth. That truth being that there are quite a few habits/personality traits that are keeping you from having a man.

This post is not to make fun or berate you all. It’s merely to help you recognize the annoying shit you do that causes men’s penises to shrink, what NWSO cause “erection repellent. *NOTE* Every rule has an exception and what annoys one man (or woman) may not apply to the next. *NOTE NOTE* Just because the rule has an exception doesn’t mean it’s a free pass either. You know who I’m talking to :-/


Stop wanting to know so much so soon. Trust us all falsehoods will be discovered soon enough. Until then relax, relate, release…


I don’t care if you served in Iraq and he saved your life. I do NOT trust any man claiming to just being “friends” with a woman, especially one I’m interested in. Men don’t make friends on purpose after the age of 13. I got my eye on him…


I love the fact you’re close to your family. I love that you and your parents are friends… BUT you are a grown ass woman. You should make the decisions for you not them. Tell Aunt Rachel I said what up. though.


You work hard so you should play hard—I get that—but why the hell are you partying all the time? Do I look like Eddie Murphy? Stay home some damn time. Let the bartender miss you. When club promoters and doormen/security know you by name and you don’t own the club that’s a sign that you need to sit down somewhere—and not at the bar.


There’s a difference between a poke on Facebook and a poke in person. Chill out. I can’t control what someone puts on my page. While you’re at it, stop checking my page three times a day. Actually, if you got that much time on your hands then something’s wrong.


You’re looking for a 2Pac with a degree from Yale? Stop wanting the type of man that does not exist. Soap operas and Zane novels have rotted the common sense part of your brain. Real thugs are not real good love matches. Don’t be the bitter old woman mad that you let three nice Larry’s go for a crazy ass Darnell.


So your ex punched you in your left eye every Tuesday for two years..and you stayed. But if I’m late picking you up from work maybe three times and you’re ready to break up. Stop treating the good guy the way you should have treated the bad guy.


Yes, I’m a gentleman with a kind heart. Yes, I believe in treating a woman the way a man should treat his mother. Now, with that being said, could you at least offer to pay a few times. Chances are I won’t let you but can I just get some semblance of appreciation of the funding of the date.


If you were friends with a lot of men on the football, basketball, or track team in school (or now) keep that to yourself. Most men don’t like women with a lot of male friends, which is more so if they played sports. Not to group you all together but, honestly, as an outsider the females that hung around or knew the team were groupies. So if you have a funny story about letting your football buddies bench press you in college, keep it to yourself


Every argument does not need to explode into Wrestlemania. Men respond to yelling from other men by getting physical. We can’t do that with a woman so we tend to just tune y’all out. Talking to us like an adult instead of a child will go far. You get more flies with honey than vinegar.

So ladies there you have it a small list of what really bugs the piss out of us men. If you can work on these things I absolutely promise you may one day possibly have (or not have) a man. So please digest the list and pass it on.

Are you leery of dating someone that has a lot of friends of the opposite sex? Could you date someone with relatives that were too involved in your relationship? Is it a turn-off when someone hits the club every night? Do you stalk the people you’re seeing on Facebook? Would you be upset if someone questioned you about things on your page? Why don’t women ever want to at least offer to contribute to the date? What did you think of Preach’s guest post?

Speak your piece…

  • Rachel J

    Hi honey (aunt rachel reference) buuuut I’m going to need one more reason… lol Numbers 2 and 9 were a too similar. But I can see how any of those can be annoying. Except I don’t speak Dutch… lol…

  • http://strokeofprose.com Kaye Michele

    Word. Up.


  • Preachthecomedian

    Yoi don’t speak Dutch at all?
    ok I see you

  • Lyndon

    “I don’t care if you served in Iraq and he saved your life. I do NOT trust any man claiming to just being “friends” with a woman, especially one I’m interested in. Men don’t make friends on purpose after the age of 13.”


    I with you 100 on this. The ironic part is most women can’t take it if the tables are turned, but expect brothas to understand. Especially if the woman we consider a “friend” is fine. Although I know why women use men as friends, it still won’t fly.

  • http://thecandyshoppe.wordpress.com Ronnie6676

    Amen and amen to the facebook stalking. Why oh why do you need to have knowledge of my every social networking movement?? And if you feel that you do then we are not compatible in any life.

    Oh and I like that practically your whole list is transferable to the male of this species :)

  • JC

    It is 2011…and since 1998 I have been a DUTCH girl. Why? Because I just don’t see the sense in having the man pay all the time. IF the guy is to be thought of as my friend, this is one aspect of our friendship that is going to mirror what I have with my girlfriends…we pay dutch. Unless it is a special occasion…birthday, celebrating a promotion.

    The guy I’m sleeping with wanted to be FB friends. The moment the words came out of his mouth “I want to you friend me” I cringed inside. We aren’t in each other’s lives like that for me to feel comfortable him seeing what is on my page. Plus I didn’t want to see what is on his page and get pissed. So I said no. I really don’t think you need to be friends with someone your seeing on FB. If you have mutual friends “maybe” but I like my relationship to have some space.

    I have male friends from high school or co workers. The guy I’m sexing will bring up one (because I wrote a blog post about him) and asked if there is any thing between us. He lives in another state, we see each other as brother and sister. Sex guy has female friends and I don’t question.

    I do however agree that men over the age of 13 don’t make friends, female friends on purpose. Case in point, a guy on FB was on a friend’s friend’s list and befriended me. Didn’t think anything of it, FB is for connecting and networking. Well the guy started saying that we should hangout, get dinner, get drinks. Said he wanted to take me to Atlantic City. He said he wanted to be friends. He had a girlfriend (she was on his friend’s list). I shot him down, saying “Friends are made not pursued. What person is in a relationship and is seeking to make new friends of the opposite sex?” NEXT

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    But why put your every movement on your social networking platform? People get to free with that and put out a lot of info they do’t want known to everyone but forget that they’re essentially making it available to everyone. SMH

  • Preachthecomedian

    Yeeah you can’t have updates like
    going to Steves house for a late dinner tonight…hope my boyfriend has a good night out

  • http://nwso.net Symbiotic Loner

    “…The ironic part is most women can’t take it if the tables are turned, but expect brothas to understand…” Amen, brother!!! PREACH!!! The quickest way for a woman to be served deuces from me is to demand of me what she doesn’t ask of herself.

  • http://nwso.net Symbiotic Loner

    I would be leery of dating a woman that has a lot of friends of the opposite sex IF the connection between them…varies… I don’t handle “iffiness” very well… I certainly most would NOT date a woman with relatives that were too involved in our relationship!!! That’s why it’s called OUR relationship–the woman AND ME… Yes, it is DEFINITELY a turn-off when a woman hits the club every night!!! ESPECIALLY when she plays my tendency of NOT being a club-hopper and especially when she doesn’t realized that everything done in a club can be done at home (my reason for not being in clubs). If a womanu doesn’t want ME going to clubs to do what else I could do at a club that I can do with her at home, WHY SHOULD SHE??? It’s because of the FB crazies that I don’t even FOOL with FB… Why don’t women ever want to at least offer to contribute to the date? They seem to be too busy trying to manipulate “gender roles” for the most part into taking more than giving. Preach, your guest post was on point!!! Thanks for reminding me of cooking up a list of “annoying sh1t [a woman] do… Although I had already given a BIG clue earlier in my comment…

    • JoMama

      Should the women be equally as leery of a man has lots of friends of the opposite sex? Strange cuz some of you get mad if a woman does that but think it’s perfectly ok for you to have female friends and the gf is supposed to put up with it…

  • QuoteMan

    Lmao……this is hilarious; many a truth is spoken in jest.

    “let the bartender miss you” classic!!

    I will drink to #3. Stop listening to your cousin; when was the last time you saw her with a man? Tell her to get a hobby – if she can’t find a hubby …….. Lol

  • http://womenarefrommars.wordpress.com/ NikkiB

    Ha! Great list. And, let’s reiterate that all points can be turned around, yet if they are? Some women don’t like it. Me? Fab.

    Although… I have to say I have a lot of friends of both sexes and I DO believe guys and gals can be pals. However, I realize the fact that I’m a chick and not a dude means I may have that one wrong.

    PS I agree with JC – I don’t even find FB friending appropriate while dating. Let alone stalking. Ew.

  • Lisa

    Awww Preach, this is a great list!!!
    I do have male friends that I’ve had since we were kids that I don’t think of “that” way & I’m hoping they don’t see me “that” way either.
    I don’t discuss a relationship with anyone so Aunt Rachel has nothing to say about it.
    I offer to pay & you’re right….the guy usually declines the offer so I offer to put down the tip.
    Thanks for the list, humorous but true.

  • Preachthecomedian

    The club thing gets me because stuff that was cute at 19,20 makes u look BAD now
    when your young dumb full of cum it’s cool…ur burning energy but I’m damn near 30..sit down sometime
    hell I’m not in a super metro like a LA or NYC or even Atlanta..so if ur clubbing every night HERE in Charlotte u really need to evaluate yourself

  • Paulette_bajan_gal

    Men are a lot more focused on sex in the real world…if the sex is good he’ll overlook all this list.Most of these sound like you’re in a relationship already so the blog title is kinda confusing…maybe it should read “so we’re dating…here are the reasons why I feel insecure and won’t marry you because of them.”

    Plus…you met the chick in the club in a plunging neck line with booty shorts…now you want her to stay home now that you want a cuddle buddy??lmao.Next time go to church and find a cuddle buddy there.

    • Joseph

      Church girls are sexier. So what you said its true. Men not boys should look at the church for wife material.

      • Joseph

        Or look at the church for girlfriend material. Way more worth it than some chick that is loose. I don’t want my junk near where other men’s junk has been. If I wanted that I would rub my genitals on a urinal.

        • Susan Jodoin

          My uncle married a “church girl”. She had an affair, and then left him for the other man, and wouldn’t let him see their two boys. My husband and I met in a bar and we have been married for 19 years. I haven’t cheated. Imagine that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1308583412 Thomas Allen

      You have no clue what your talking about, did you even read the article? lol you a re a typical illogical women bitching about shit she doesn’t even know about. You are absolutely incorrect, your sexist views stem from narrow minded ignorance. It is a smart thing to avoid speaking the mind of billions of people of whom you know nothing about. Take it from a man who grew up with 7 adult women who couldn’t keep a man, if you are having guys problems, you should reevaluate the type of men you are dating or how you treat them.

  • Preachthecomedian

    Good sex can get you an apartment
    Not working my nerves can get you a home

  • tea

    Good post! Funny but true. I have definitely done this one…”YOU LET HIM TREAT YOU BADLY” I wasn’t getting punched in the eye but I stayed through a bunch of crap then went super hard on the next guy for ANY little thing. It is a little ridiculous/illogical.

  • QuoteMan

    Yeah, you did all that to get a man, now you got one – put on some damn clothes and stay ur ass home…… Lol.

  • B.Better

    I loved the list. I wonder if it applies to gay male friends? I dated someone who hated my straight and gay male friends. They were never involved in our relationship, but he hated all of them none the less.
    I do agree w/ the club rat thing. Honestly after 25 you shouldn’t be in the club every d*mn night (male or female).

  • B.Better

    Tell’em girl. Fellas stay trying to turn a hoe to a housewife and will overlook a good woman in a sec for some trashy kitty.

    • PeanutButter

       So true! Most men LOVE trashy women and then complain that they are out clubbing and flirting with other guys and even cheating and that they are selfish and childish. 

  • Lyndon


    “But if I’m late picking you up from work maybe three times and you’re ready to break up. Stop treating the good guy the way you should have treated the bad guy.”

    This is on point. I think we fuk up when we apologize for honest mistakes. It gives them the upperhand… Just be late. “Now what!?!”

  • Lyndon

    Question… What is a hoe?

    I would love to hear a woman LOGICALLY distinguish the difference (these days the line is paper thin).

  • Aiina

    Dating a man with a lot of female friend. Oh yes I am Leery but it’s really my problem. Thruth be told I have a lot of male friends so I’m in a good position to know that sometimes male friends are just that. The rest is more a trust isssue than anything else.

    Excess is always annoying: family involvement, clubbing, curiosity…

    For facebook, I am guilty as charged. I don’t investigate it every other second but every few days yeah. But he was a friend before anything else…. I don’t FBfriends men I just date.

    If I added you on my FB page and you see something strange, you can ask about it but since it won’t happen it’s all cool. FB is on the internet therefore it’s not really private how about being responsible for whatever information about you is available on the web?

    If you invite me to a restaurant, I’m not expecting to pay, I’ll thank you though. I am also very comfortable inviting the man as well to eat or to cook for him a fancy meal (which for your information gentlemen is AS expensive). I just find tiresome the old story of the greedy woman.

    Funny post lol.

    I must add that getting a man is by no means an achievment for any woman. It’s just that women usually want a specific man or kind of man…just a man…not an endangered specie by any mean.

    I would like one day to read a positive post from black men and women about what they love about each other…for a change … focusing on the negative makes us see only that.

  • B.Better

    A hoe is a PERSON who is loose with their goods. Giving sex away to anyone and not respecting their body,self, and time. But I see what u did there…

  • http://thecandyshoppe.wordpress.com Ronnie6676

    Didn’t mean it like I’m posting 5 minute increment status updates as to my where and what abouts. I’m talking about men who meet you and immediately they want to friend you on facebook, follow you on twitter, etc etc. I think that’s a bit much…just my personal pet peeve.

  • R.e.D

    Have to agree with Paulette on this one. Men love to date women they see in the club half naked and then expect her to stay at home once he gets with her. This makes NO sense.

    • AnnelliDAREAL

      I have even heard men say they love h o e s…that they want to marry them. SMH.

  • JC

    “Men have to feel like they are taking care of her and by letting the woman pay, that is like saying, “You can’t take care of me, you can’t do anything right!” and that affects the security a woman feels when they are together.”

    There are other things that a man can do and feel as if he is “taking” care of me. My sense of security has nothing to do with whether or not he can pay for my meal or a movie. I understand where this statement comes from but it is a bit old fashioned to think this way in 2011. If I want to go out and enjoy my time with a man I should expect him to pay because it would hurt his ego. Especially if you are dating with the mind to marriage, where I thought the idea was to then share what you have…why not learn that practice early on?

    I mean no offense but I hate this aspect of dating and would honestly rather be alone than date someone that didn’t allow me to pull my own weight in every sense.

  • Preachthecomedian

    Makes perfect sense…men are visual ..when we meet u that’s cool makes the blood rise
    but once we a couple now represent me for better or worse
    can’t have my lady out all night partying like she ain’t got a man
    that makes me look stupid

    • Shiva

      Bro you hit it right on with that one. People forget visual is the first attraction cue we get…why refuse it? Its such an important factor early on. Obviously two people have to be physical first…common sense there. It’s up to the two sexes to seek beyond that after physical attraction is established. There’s nothing shallow about it whatsoever..its your initial bond.

  • Shannon

    Men pay for the date because they’re supposed to. That’s what the man does; he is a provider and it is his obligation to make the woman happy and show her what he has to offer.

    A proper gentleman would never look to a woman to pay for dinner and would never want her to offer. Men have to feel like they are taking care of her and by letting the woman pay, that is like saying, “You can’t take care of me, you can’t do anything right!” and that affects the security a woman feels when they are together.

    I have male friends. With one exception, I’ve never dated any of my friends–they really aren’t dating material, which is why they are friends–and I spend a lot of time with them, primarily because I don’t have female friends. If a man is too insecure to deal with that, then he needs to stay on the sidelines.

    I never go out. Any day, any night of the week, I’m at home. I’m particular about the men I meet and who I date, so I spend a lot of time alone, which is good because that means my discernment isn’t so low that I’m going to be up with any man that crosses my line of vision.

    Hmmm…I like professional men. I like entrepreneurs. I like men who wear uniforms. I like men who work with their hands. I prefer traditional men who know how to treat a woman and there aren’t many of those left. People have forgotten how to think for themselves and just follow the crowd and do whatever the crowd is doing.

    I’ve never been one to look at a man’s Facebook page unless a comment he made shows up on mine and I want to see what it was about. I’m not a nosy person, but if I’m going to date any man, I want to know what I’m getting into and I want to know upfront, not six months down the line. I think I have a right to know if a man I’m dating is stepping out with the ex or is some kind of psycho stalker.

    There are different reasons people stay with someone who abuses them. Maybe they can’t leave. Maybe they did, but the person found them and threatened to kill them if they ever tried to leave again. It happens to men, too; maybe the mother of their children threatened to never let him see the children if he met someone else or didn’t break up with a new woman he met. Maybe she is holding up the divorce because she doesn’t want it and wants to stay together.

    No two leaves are alike. I don’t know and am not sure about the current state of relations between black men and black women; I never hear anything good from my mother and sister about it and my brother has flipped 180 degrees ever since he walked in on his wife in bed with another man, a man who is living there with them now and he is just bitter. I’m sure there is a happy black couple out there somewhere (feel free to chime in anytime Throne and Shay,:))who feel like they hit the jackpot with their partner and have no regrets.

    I don’t like the whole “You let him treat you badly” comment. No one wants to be treated badly and it’s not a matter of allowing it. If it were allowed, there wouldn’t be any battered women and there wouldn’t be laws and shelters for them. A lot of times women just never had a good example of how a woman should be treated and probably saw their mothers take a lot from men and think they are supposed do the same. Most men grew up without father figures and never had a good example of how to treat a woman. My sister has a friend whose husband hits her all the time and once this woman even told me, “My mama told me, if a man don’t smack you, he don’t love you. That’s how my daddy was to her.” Well, what could I say to that? All I do walk shake my head and walk off.

    Disrespect should never be tolerated by either sex. Most people are so afraid of being alone, they are willing to compromise themselves and look past some behaviors so they don’t spoil the fantasy.

    The worst for me? When I meet a man and give him my number and he has my voicemail full within the hour or I get 25 texts from him or get bombarded with emails or messages on Facebook. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t give out my real number anymore; I have a prepaid number I give out first.

    I admit there was one time when my husband and I got into an argument–he bought a Navigator without consulting me first–and I got angry, so angry that I shoved him off the sofa. He was surprised–as was I–and the look on his face wounded me. He was really hurt that I shoved him. I never did it again.

    Sigh…I just wonder if men know what they do that makes them undateable? Inquiring minds want to know, :).

  • R.e.D

    Preach, I enjoyed the post, it was funny and semi-truthful.

    Let me just say though that a woman can NOT have any of these things and STILL be single or she can have 1-2 of the ten and just be, well flawed, like we all are. Life just isn’t so cut and dry..but most definitely I can agree with some of these points…

    The thing is with men though, I find that they want the perfect woman: They want me to be a 10 or as close to it as possible, with a banging body, so they want a Beyonce. They want me to be intelligent like Ms Obama, cook and decorate like Martha Stewart, be their favorite porn star in the bedroom; do what Supa-Head does best any and every place possible, get up and go to church on Sundays like a good Christian, be a perfect mother to the children, get along with all their family, friends and in-between PLUS make them feel like they are the best things since sliced bread. And they need this ALL the time.

    Preach, I will be the first to admit that I have flaws, but you know you men are jacked up too. But like Aiina said, perhaps next time you should write what you love about me. (Not me R.e.D, me, the black woman)

    • Shiva

      Look at what you’re saying and take notice. The things that you stated men want are based on ACTIONS. The things women want are based on CHARACTER. Tell me which one is easier to change….that’d be ACTIONS by a long shot.

      BTW, it’d be detrimental to feed women as a whole compliments and praise before its earned. When you have a commercial on TV praising the vagina so high that they gotta talk about how men kill and steal for it….you’ve had your egos boosted WAY too much these days. I saw that shit on TV one day and it was so arrogant that I about damn near spit out my drink.

  • Preachthecomedian

    We do but figuring out what makes women happy is like rocket science..slot of variables to consider
    now as for the proper gentleman thing
    a man can offer alot buy this isn’t the 1800’s
    receiprocoty is appreciated. Trickin is trickin
    I’ll never ask a woman pay when first go out but ugh u gonna have to kick in at some point…cook a meal, get something off the dollar menu or something lol…if I wanted to trick off dough ALL the time i’d get a hooker not a girlfriend..just sayin

  • R.e.D

    I want you to read this again, and see how ILLOGICAL this makes you, lol….

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthecomedian

    Well I’ll be te first to admit it would be hard to find flaws with your very gorgeous self
    I did write a companion piece though on my site


  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthecomedian

    It makes sense …when we meet i have no ties or anything to you
    but if we are in a relationship your behavior reflects on how u respect me, respect yourself and this relationship…so if u hot a man and u walking around with ya booty cheeks out the dude looms like a henpecked cuckold

  • Lyndon

    “The thing is with men though, I find that they want the perfect woman: They want me to be a 10 or as close to it as possible, with a banging body, so they want a Beyonce. They want me to be intelligent like Ms Obama, cook and decorate like Martha Stewart, be their favorite porn star in the bedroom; do what Supa-Head does best any and every place possible, get up and go to church on Sundays like a good Christian, be a perfect mother to the children, get along with all their family, friends and in-between PLUS make them feel like they are the best things since sliced bread. And they need this ALL the time.”

    What men are you talkin about? Men are simple. Men that are worth a damn don’t expect HALF of what you listed. Every guy I know that’s married does not have Halle Berry on his arm. Devotion, self-respect and honest smile is all decent men want.

    Women put these pressures (most of what you listed) on themselves. You seem to be gauging by t.v. and what you see in the nightclub. And if that is the case, knowledgeable guys don’t go clubbin lookin for the “right” girl. Even the rappers that are married have wives that are the direct opposite of the vixens they sex on the side.

    If you take a second look at the dude eyeing the chick with no clothes on, you will see smoke coming from his ears.

  • JC

    I like the idea of the post on acceptable flaws very much. I might just write up something and submit to NWSO ;-)

  • R.e.D

    Lyndon, I was exaggerating a bit, yes, but this notion that men are just these simple creatures who want simple things has to be thrown out. You guys actually are not that simple.

    Some time back, even you noted how a woman can do all the right things, but then that makes her ‘too nice’ and so abuse ensues. I am paraphraing here, but you get the picture.

    NWSO or Preach or anyone for that matter, how about a post talking about acceptable flaws?? We always talk about deal breakers but we aren’t perfect. So what imperfections can be considered tolerable in a mate??

    • Shiva

      You couldn’t be more wrong. We are VERY simple. Boil it down, all men only want TWO things from our women: Someone we find physically attractive (which is completely subjective) and isn’t a bitch (completely objective…you know what’s bitchy behavior and what isn’t). Women however setup all these opposing and lofty prerequisites for men to even be able to even get a chance. He has to be a bad boy AND a gentleman. Do you know how STEEP that is? 

      But I’ll help you out here’s some acceptable flaws from my standpoint. I don’t mind if a girl isn’t that smart, is clingy, has different hobbies/interests than me, doesn’t have a degree or lives with her parents. Truth be told, all I care about is that the woman is physically attractive to my taste and is easy to get along with. Two things…and not o