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4 People Women Need to Stop Listening To

Posted by NWSO • January 26, 2011 • Printer-friendly

Most relationships fail because of outside forces… Well, at least in my experience. I can recount several times where a woman and I were great one-on-one, but any time other people got involved in our relationship things went sour. Honestly, I sometimes wish I could just find my perfect woman and escape to a deserted island where we could live out the rest of our lives together and away from haters, instigators and busybodies.

Still, I understand that when it comes to romantic dealings between men and women that communication is a major factor in making things work. But, as we all know, men and women communicate differently so it’s inevitable that someone seeks advice from outside sources. Now, I’m not saying that it’s a bad idea to get a second opinion on something that’s troubling you about your partner, but here are 4 People Women Need to Stop Listening To.

BEYONCÉ

While I credit Beyoncé for knowing how to make anthems that empower women, those same songs tend to steer them wrong as well. Let’s see, she wants a “Soldier” to pay her “bills, bills, bills,” but gets mad when a dude with “hood status” does her wrong and instructs him to put everything he owns in a box to the left. Then, in an effort to get over him she hits the club to grind up on strange men, chanting, “If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it.” Yeah, more women should require a commitment from prospective partners—especially if they plan to get all submissive and “Cater” to him—but her relationship advice is contradictory at most. I get why (some) women look up to her, she’s beautiful, powerful and about her business, but that doesn’t mean you should be getting life lessons from her.

THEIR FRIENDS

Our friends can make for good ears, but their advice is not always golden. If your friends have messed up relationships and/or are bitter man-hating cheerleaders, they might not be the best people to consult about love. (Try friends that are married or in stable relationships). Just the other day I was talking to this sister who told me how things were going great with this guy she was seeing until her friend told her she should put him “on ice” to see if he was really feeling her. Needless to say, going from talking everyday to someone you’re really digging to purposely dodging their calls for two weeks for no good reason other than a friend’s advice didn’t bode well. The relationship went from sweet to sour in, yeah, you guessed it, two weeks. SMH! Like I said earlier, it’s good to get an outside perspective on any given situation but at the end of the day only the people involved know the real dynamic.

STEVE HARVEY

Somehow Steve Harvey went from a stand-up comedian telling jokes to a relationship “expert” telling droves of women to “act like a lady, think like a man.” Honestly, I’m not mad at him—he’s a hustler—but from what I’ve seen, his book was basically common sense advice. Still, there are (clearly) a lot of folks lacking that so the lane was wide open for Steve to make his mark. Problem is, we’re talking about a man that’s been married three times, accused of abuse and being an absentee father by his ex wife, and tells jokes for a living. Sorry, Steve, we don’t believe you, you need more people.

BLOGGERS & RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS

I know it may seem strange to see this one on the list considering this is a blog about relationships (among other things), but I don’t subscribe to idea of being a relationship “expert.” If anything, I call myself a relationship consultant because I’m just a man with an opinion—you can either choose to listen or not. The only people I consider to be true relationship experts are those who have been married happily for years. Now those are the people you should listen to when it comes to love and relationships because they’ve actually figured out a way to make it work long-term. Besides, why would you want to get relationship advice from some single person that’s not even in a healthy relationship? #JustSaying

Do you agree that most relationships fail because of outside forces? Why do so many women take Beyoncé’s lyrics as gospel and start spouting out her catch phrases like parrots? Have you ever used a Beyoncé song to get you through a relationship issue? What’s the worst advice you’ve ever gotten from a friend? Are there people in your circle that try to mess up your relationships because they’re alone? Do you view Steve Harvey as a reliable voice of reason for your relationship woes? Do you believe that someone who hasn’t been married can be considered a relationship expert? Where do you get the best advice on relationships?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man, Beyonce, Steve Harvey

http://twitter.com/slimjackson Slimuel L. Jackson

I'm there with you on the relationship expert piece. I don't let people refer to me as that at all either. All I can do for people is offer 1 male's perspective on relationships and dating. Male Bloggers' words are not gospel!

I do believe that outside forces are probably the most responsible for failed relationships. It doesn't even require someone to be taking advice from a friend or book, sometimes it's just the indirect influence of those around them. For example, a girl's friends all break up with their boos and go on adventures. Next thing you know, she wants to be single too and join the SATC crew.

Good Post.
Ashley

Hi, I'm new here. saw a link to this post on twitter and decided to take a look. Good post.

I listen to Beyonce' songs for entertainment. I've never even thought to take relationship advice from her.

I'm single and yes, my friends do come to me for advice but ONLY b/c I allow them to see where THEY could be part of the problem and how they should consider their partner's feelings. I've NEVER said my advice was the gospel and I've NEVER forced it on anyone or made them take it and act on it.

Steve Harvey...hmph, I read the first few pages of that book (b/c I really thought it would be moreso on the funny side than "yeah, he really means this stuff and wants women to follow suit") and ran his advice by my dad, newly married male friend, and my 2 best male friends. they ALL disagreed and I closed the book never to open it again (actually it was sent via email but that email will never get opened again). Finesse Mitchell's book on the other hand, I WOULD recommend to women b/c I've heard some of the things he said from some of the aforementioned men in my life.

Relationship bloggers- their word isn't the gospel either b/c every relationship is different. and like you said in the beginning, communication is key. Find a way to communicate with your mate that works for Y'ALL and things SHOULD be okay
SistahChef

@NakedWithSocks I most def agree with you on Bey and Steve Harvey. But are you also saying I shouldn't listen to @Jozenc? #ImjustSayin

http://twitoaster.com/nakedwithsocks/ NakedWithSocks

@SistahChef @Jozenc is the homie & blogger-in-arms. I included myself in the 4 people women shouldn't listen to post

SistahChef

@NakedWithSocks @Jozenc But you guys have us laughing, in spite of all the ish that dating and relationships bring. Keep the humor coming!

slimjackson

@NakedWithSocks That post is mighty bawse by the way.

Diggame

@NakedWithSocks dope ass post man!!

http://www.ashy2classy.net Diggame

I am with you on this!!....slow clap!!

I am definitely with sharing ideas but proclaiming your ideas or beliefs as gospel is a totally different beast!!
angel

Well, sometimes we need someone to tell us when our sh*t stinks... as women, we are usually very in tune with our intuition but in the cases where we don't know when to trust our hearts or our minds, we turn to others for advice.

Many times its necessary to look to other for help or guidance and not everyone has a pastor, positive male figure, or can afford a therapist so u make up for that by turning to friends and the net...
http://thesimplecomplication.blogspot.com BrooklynBred

I PROMISE I'll go back and read the entire thing but I MUST ask:

WHO listens to Beyonce? Now I am a HUGE Bey fan but I've never listened to her songs for "advice" or "words of wisdom" and neither have any of my friends and neither have any of THEIR friends. I've asked around because I've heard this before and I just can't find anyone. So can you PLEASE help me out? If you say they're under 25, that would explain why I don't know anyone who does b/c I don't know anyone under that age that are friends. *goes back to finish reading*
Diggame

@NakedWithSocks someone hit me and said you need to add Oprah to the list lol
Shannon

I give relationship advice all the time and it's always been pretty sound. Granted, I don't pass on bitterness and anger and resentment, but I do listen and offer my unbiased opinion, which generally consists of holding up a mirror or sending the advice-seeker on a trip down Memory Lane.

Now, I am not married nor am I in a relationship. That doesn't mean I don't have valuable advice or insight to offer. I also don't listen to Beyonce or Steve Harvey and I don't have any friends. Some relationship experts do have some good advice, it just depends if you're really ready to hear it. I read Steve Harvey's book--decided to check it out from the library first before I spent my money on it--and it just really pissed me off, especially about how he said if a man jumps every time his mother calls, it's the woman's fault, like men don't have minds of their own. They know how to set their priorities and if Mama comes first before the wife, then he needs to stay single and live with Mama forever. If anything comes first before his family (wife and children) then he needs to stay by himself.

I think Beyonce's songs just gave women self-esteem and the courage to stop taking ish off men. I never fell under the spell myself, but I know a lot of women who did and it just left them alone and bitter. Now Beyonce can prance around the stage and sing all that "put a ring on it", "put all your stuff in a box to the left", and "bills, bills, bills" all she wants but women forget that she got a husband to go home to. She's got a man to love her for eternity while they walk around singing her songs and then go home to a dark house, empty bedroom and a cold bed where there is no one there waiting up for them. Whatever.

When it comes to relationship experts, it really depends on what mood I'm in. Sometimes I just don't want to hear that BS about how I have to need a man, learn how men communicate and basically change myself and who I am just so a man will find me acceptable. It took me a long time to learn to just be myself and not worry if a man will reject me because of it and panic whenever I have a different opinion from a man. I just be myself and don't feel like I have something to lose. I'm not afraid to be alone so my discernment isn't very low.

Now, friends...friends are like a double-edged sword when it comes to relationships and you have to be careful when soliciting advice or getting advice. For instance, ladies, if your girlfriend has nobody and can't keep a man herself, she's not the one to go to for advice on how to keep your man. She might want him for herself. Most affairs are with the men and the woman's best friend, not a stranger.

I know what works for me and that is all I need. That's all everyone can do, really; there is no one-size-fits-all advice. Do whatever works, makes you happy or preferably both, .
http://ljmaggie.wordpress.com LJ Maggie

I have taken advice of my married friends, guy friends, my mom and relationship experts that are married. It has taken a bit of time but I have finally listened to them and their advice works. I wouldn't take dating advice from someone who is single. I don't claim to be an expert either, I have learned a lot from the advice I have gotten and have been with my guy for 4 months.
sunshyne84

I used to go to my cousin for most of my advice. Then one day I realized that her relationships weren't too shabby and I probably shouldn't go to her. I do like reading the comments here and over on VSB. I like to see different persepectives and that helps me understand other ways of thinking, but I don't necessarily consider it as advice. I think experience is the best teacher in relationships. When one doesn't work out I just look at things and figure out what I should do better next time or what I need to look for in another person.
R.e.D

You can take advice from any one with common sense and experience. Just b/c I'm single now doesn't mean that I cannot give someone in a relationship good advice. In my opinion, it is experience that matters most, not your relationship status per se.

The best relationship advice comes from the people that know me well. I've learned the hard way about talking to too many folks about my relationship. I won't do it again. If I do need advice/opinion from time to time when I am in a relationship, I will only take it from 1-2 people now. Too much outside forces spell disaster.

What should've made the list of who NOT to listen to is 'Men that like you.' Women are naive creatures at times and like to talk to other men about their relationship. Beware that there is a good chance the man that you are talking to, i.e your male 'friend' has feelings for you and his entire view is biased. He subtley tries to fit in how 'you deserve better' and how your man 'doesn't know what he has' etc. You talk about bitter women, but men try to get it in any way possible. Not sure how this was missed..but oh yeah, you're a man..
ALI G 83

How can a man tell a woman who she needs to stop listening to when it comes to relationship advice without including himself?

1. "Why do so many women take Beyoncé’s lyrics as gospel and start spouting out her catch phrases like parrots?" - I haven't met anyone who has done this.

2. "Do you view Steve Harvey as a reliable voice of reason for your relationship woes?" - I'm not in a relationship so I don't have any relationship woes. If I were I would listen to myself not other people.

3. "Do you believe that someone who hasn’t been married can be considered a relationship expert?" - There are a lot of people who have been doing something for a long but never managed to be good at it. With that said, someone who has been or is married isn't any more of an expert. There could be things that they do in their relationship that another person wouldn't dare to do.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

#4 specifically included me/author/man but you must not have been listening LOL
AliG83

I did see that which is why I don't see how this blog post was ever made since #4 cancels everything out.
http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan

Can you add Oprah to the list? She had black women thinking every black man was on the "down low." Then the Terry McMillan news broke and it was even worse (don't see how she didn't know her husband was gay, dude was glossed out and had arched eyebrows). In a way Oprah's indirectly responsible for the "no homo" foolishness. Every black man had to give fair warning after that show aired...times were hard (no homo).
Rastaman

"No one wants advice - only corroboration. "

Everyone is entitled to my opinion they can do with it whatever they wish. When I ask people for "advice", I am generally asking for information or another perspective because at the end of the day any decision I make is going to be my decision.

Relationship advice in this society has become an industry and based on the amount of columns, blogs and books dedicated to it, a very lucrative industry. So any right-minded person should always consider the source of any advice you are considering. There are gems of advice everywhere but you have to be in the right frame of mind to make it work for you.

I would not blame most relationship failures on outside forces; I blame most relationship failures on the people in the relationship. Outside forces have no power in a relationship without being let in by the people involved. As far as women seeking advice, I think that is a good thing myself; the important part is ensuring that the advice is coming from a reputable source.

On the other hand, I don't think men seek enough advice about their relationships. I understand that as men we are not socialized to seek relationship advice but an informed decision is most likely a good decision. As always be aware of the source, which would probably exclude pop songs, comedians, embittered friends and blogs. Not that there is nothing of value in these sources but it may not be directly applicable to your specific situation.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Du, because this is the exception to the "rule". So this is the one time you listen and then never again, which means thanks to this revelation Naked With Socks On will officially be shit down and the blog is over. How can I keep going after this revelation and your keen observation?

Thanks AliG83, you killed NWSO. ***This is a ghost speaking. Oooooo***

LOL
Itsme

My boyfriend would add my mama to the list. Lol I talk to her basically about everything and she always gives her advice. But her advice is strictly about me and not the relationship, It's based off whats best for her child especially since Im only 21 and still considered her baby..
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Oprah was a thought to make the list but I opted not to include her. I don't watch her enough (I have a job LOL) to know her show topics like that, so had no clue about the "no homo" thing, Plus, how I would have approached it would have been race-specific as in she ain't always talking to the sisters. #CanOfWorms
lcdifoht

@NakedWithSocks I for one would not listen to the next. Remember there is no luv N Bey life, just a body. You just need some love LOL
QuoteMan

We’ve all, at some point, heeded someone’s advice or dished out one – at our best, this is what we do. I believe it was Maya Angelou, who said something to the effect of when you learn, you should teach cuz at our best, we’re all teachers.

At the end of the day, it’s about knowing who you are, having a clear identity and being able to discern what’s real talk from a meaningless one. And of course, this comes over time. Sometimes music could be as much of an entertainment, as it is educational. One woman may read a Steve Harvey book for amusement purposes; the next may read for a guide; listen to friends to validate their convictions or for whatever ………………… Ultimately, the decision to conclusively know what’s helpful or detrimental to your relationship rests with the individual - not the music, friends, the blogs or what they saw on TV.
http://www.divinepearlz.wordspress.com Divinepearlz

I like it, I love it. I call it the magazine relationship and blogged about it a few months ago. Good job.
http://www.divinepearlz.wordspress.com Divinepearlz

I think ppl need to understand that all relationships are not a one size fits al type of thing. 1 persons version of happiness will not be another persons version of happiness
Kitty1026

Okay... I'm a HUGE Beyonce fan, so I was a little upset to see her make this list. Perhaps you shouldn't listen to her music for relationship advice, but in the world of Hollywood, her and Shawn (known to you lay people as Jay-Z) have a solid relationship. I think they serve as a good example as to how to keep things in your relationship sacred and to yourself. So perhaps you don't take her musical adivce, but you can definitely follow in her footsteps of actions.
JC

You said it all...

I have no opinions on the post. When I talk to people about my relationships I don't go looking for advice I go to get a different view of the situation. What is said helps me see (hopefully) clearly what I need to do.
Lisa

I've realized that a lot of my friends already know what they want to do, they just want me to listen....they just basically want to say out loud what they are thinking they should do or want to do. I try not to agree or disagree ( so what they perceive as advice doesn't come back to bite me in the booty later )
http://www.divinepearlz.wordpress.com divinepearlz

Ummmm yeah so no no disrespect to the Beyonce lovers and just as much as me Jay-Z lovers but if you are looking to them for ideas on a solid marriage please get your divorce papers ready. While I believe 100% in privacy and the fact that these musical and movie star icons have the same rights as you and I this powerhouse took it to far. When you have to lie about your relationship....I mean really how stable are you. If you are that strong in your relationship gossip won't hurt it. I'm sorry but they are not my relationship idols. If you would have said Ruby Dee & Ossie Davis I would have been rooting right behind you. There is nothing iconic about their marriage that makes me want to emulate it.
Lyndon

I've always been willing to take advice from those I trust. It's up to me to discern and figure what I need from what they have to say. Ive learned to never completely disregard someone else's words especially if theyve been down the road I'm on. I actually prefer the words of the person who's failed because I learn what "not" to do.

We all have taken the words of our parents and grandparents and held the advice as gospel, and not because theyve succeeded, but because we trust them. I don't care who it is, everybody has a word to share, I just advise against taking them at every word. Take what you need and roll out.
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthecomedian

Ummm if u have to tell a woman your not on the down low...I say u may want to stop buying skinny jeans and caramal mocha frappachinos
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthecomedian

I'd say no on that ...all we see are snapshots of their relationship
I would look to Denzel and his wife
or Samuel L Jackson and his wife
she stuck by him when he was small time and on crack...
http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

I whole-heartedly believe that relationships tend to go south due to outside forces! The people who write for Beyonce are smart. They know that there is some random woman out there in the world going through some kind of man problems. Women listen and take it to gospel is b/c it's happened to them before. I haven't used a Beyonce song in that context but it did help through a situation I was dealing with. The worst advice.... when my friend told me to "tone it down" so I could find a man. Yeah I didn't listen to her. Luckily I don't have friends who are miserable and wants me to be miserable too. #PraiseHim! I've read his book, I liked it but it really was A LOT of common sense knowledge. Most of the stuff in the book I already knew. I'm a single girl and I give great relationship advice if I've been through the situation they have an issue with. I'm honest enough to tell my friend who has the issue that I can't help her b/c I've never been in that situation. #GoMe!
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthecomedian

Ok now as a COMEDIAN the best of us have been known to show a magnifying glass toward society ( Richard Pryor, Chris Rock) or highlight a segment that's not normally included (Vince Morris, Sinbad, Ricky Smiley)
now as far as Beyonce
she tells the truth she just don't know it
UMM YES I'd I really did like what you had I proabbly would have put a ring on it....but I didn't...so what does that tell you about relationship....
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthecomedian

Only one R&B singer TOLD THE TRUTH

ORAN JUICE JONES
I miss u so much I Followed u today
u cold busted
NiaNeek

Great Post.
I wish every woman had 1 cool platonic male friend to check them for the dumb shit their home girls, Mr. Harvey and Beyonce "advised" them to do. Men and woman are just different so sometimes a man can edit the issue so the real communication between the two in the relationship can begin.
Lyndon

"I whole-heartedly believe that relationships tend to go south due to outside forces!"

With or without outside influences, most black relationships have failed. Just that now when times get tough, we have cheerleaders when we get gone. So many folk are quick to make you feel like shit for sticking it out.
ladyja

Amen, sista! Well said. Exactly the same thing I was going to say! There is no "one size fits all" advice. Every situation is unique because you are dealing with unique INDIVIDUALS! What may work for the gander doesn't neccessarily work for the goose or the next goose to come!
http://robyninrealtime.tumblr.com rw

so many of these relationship folk are single, or we see there own relationships falling apart, and yes, they're are human, and it might be considered relatable to see them go thru relationship woes, but the books, the blogs, the shows, the panels...sigh.....
Alig83

1. You are assuming most women do 'dumb shit'.

2. Are you saying that women can't be a reliable source of advice and that only a man can 'set them straight'?

3. Edit the issue?

4. Are you also implying that it takes a man to evoke 'real communication'?

I don't mean to take apart your response but none of it makes sense to me.
jaclynsd

Nothing wrong w/taking advice from single women. As long as those women are on the side of your relationship. My girls that are in relationships come to me all the time. I play devil’s advocate. See their man's side, its like i tell one of my girlfriend's all the time (who always wants to know she's right) yes your right but do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? You’re in a relationship and have kids, its not about who's right its about making things work so you can both be happy. You’re not getting a trophy for being right girl. I've been single for a while but i was also in long term relationship for 7yrs, i know what its like to be in a relationship. Those are the kind of friends you need the kind that look out for both and who really want the best for their friends. At the end of the day, friends, books, beyonce, relationship experts, dont live at home w/you. You take what you need from all that "advice" and see what works for you and you toss the rest. Oh and one more thing women (and some men) dont tell your friends everything about your relationship. Some things should be sacred and only between people in a relationship. That's what makes it special.
Lisa

That's so true, all of it. I really know wayyyyy too much info about a friend's SO & I try not to think about that info when we all hang out.
Aiina

Do you agree that most relationships fail because of outside forces? I tend to agree with Rastaman on this one so No.

Why do so many women take Beyoncé’s lyrics as gospel and start spouting out her catch phrases like parrots? Hum I did not know so many took her seriously. I don't. We have no idea what's really going on in their "apparently" strong relationship and frankly I don't care.

Are there people in your circle that try to mess up your relationships because they’re alone? It has happened I still don't know if it was on purpose but now Ì tend to keep my relationship stuff away from my girlfriends and between me and HIM.

Where do you get the best advice on relationships? I really think that there is no recipe that works for everyone, I try to get different perspectives from different sources: married women,psychology books.. and go with whatever way my good sense and heart can agree on.
Sherell

PREACH RASTAMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rastaman

"...most black relationships have failed"
Sure you want to stick with that?
I have a different experience and I have been black all my life and know many black people with long term relationships including my parents married near 50 years.
Maybe you want amend it with "I know"?
YErdanos

Only advice I ever took from Beyonce was ME, MYSELF,, & I.lol
As for Steve Harvey, I didnt even know he had a book out. As for Girlfriends, I see your point....
Lyndon

"Sure you want to stick with that?"

No doubt. "Most" black relationships. Even for our parents and grandparents who managed to stick it out, they remain the minority. And when I say relationships I'm talkin about the productive and healthy types (not fk-buddies). These are not the majority and not it's not even close.
Rastaman

So says the omniscient one!!
That must mean that non black folks must be the one's with the majority of relationships that don't fail?
It appears you are an expert on approximate billion black folks and their intimate relationships on the planet. I am impressed.
Gedi

@NakedWithSocks Read that yesterday. Surprised you didn't add Oprah to the list of folks to no listen to. Good read otherwise.
http://ajhayes.wordpress.com A. Jarrell Hayes

The "put him on ice" advice is probably the worst one. Purposely ignore somebody to see if they like you? I thought that ended in junior high?!
Nikki

My girlfriends and in some cases their husbands are notorious for coming to me( I am currently single)for advice b/c they know I don't take sides and will be bluntly honest with both parties involved. My girls know my favorite saying is put yourself in his size 13 loafers/Jordans/Timbs/Wingtips and ask yourself would you have said or reacted the same way if you were him and vice versa for their husbands. I don't have a problem seeking advice when needed but you need to have a discerning mind/spirit and understand who is giving the advice and their perception on relationship.
ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence

Great list!

Steve Harvey is the epitome of hustler. I'd bet most women have heard the same "advice" (read:common sense) from some other guy they knew that had her best intentions at heart when it comes to relationships (i.e. brother, father, close friend). Harvey just put it in a book and now he is some kind of (hypocritical) relationship demi-god to them.

Any who, outside forces have been the demise a couple of my relationships, and they have ranged from mothers to one guy that she said was her "friend". They are best left where they come from... outside.
Lyndon

Not a billion black folks... Just the ones in America.
http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com/ tiffany

Ha!!! I was thinking the same thing. Don't get it twisted I was bumping Get Me Bodied just this morning, but she is not my go to person. Gotta be careful of Mom Dukes sometimes too. Depending on her mood she may set you up for failure!!
Elle

Do you agree that most relationships fail because of outside forces?
- Nope. Most relationships - if not all - fail because of the people in it. Everything else is a lame excuse - especially once you're past age 21. Outsiders do not make the ultimate choice.

Why do so many women take Beyoncé’s lyrics as gospel and start spouting out her catch phrases like parrots?
- Because they oftentimes lack real life examples to get their advice from. I know damn well my mom had no clue about men and relationships. Now I never turned to Beyoncé or any other (pseudo)celeb but merely stuck to good ol' trial and error. But for those who prefer the shortcut, Beyoncé and Steve may look like nice routes to follow.

Are there people in your circle that try to mess up your relationships because they’re alone?
- Nope. I don't keep associates around. Either a person is a friend in the true sense of the word or they do not exist in my universe. Hence my horrible networking skills.

Where do you get the best advice on relationships?
- My gut feeling. It never failed me. Never.
http://mzvirgo.com/ MzVirgo

Ugh. Steve Harvey is one person I wouldn't take advice from. I think the droves of women that bought his book that you speak of, NWSO, are women 40 and up.

Beyonce is the LAST person I would want to listen to. Sure she can sing about being independent and bugaboos all day long, but no one should listen to her songs, or any song for advice.

Can you add self help books, and Cosmopolitan magazines? There is always a thousand different ways to please a man, how to break up with him, etc etc. Too many suggestions might leave someone confused and not know what to do about their boyfriend.
Wmofyr

I see nothing wrong with taking some advice or getting another's perspective. It wouldn't make sense to follow it like a robot. But hearing some info from others can open the eyes some.

As far as Beyonce and Steve Harvey, I see nothing wrong with listening to them. If some guy tries to tell me who I should NOT listen to or read, I would be thinking that's some manipulation, control thing he doing. And if he insisted, I'd be like, get the f out, lol (of course I would say it calmly..).

One can not blame relationship problems on the celebs or on others. Frankly, I don't think people listen to advice that seriously, especially if they see their relationship going so well. Or if they know the relationship is solid.

Now when I was a teen, sure I listened to advice robotic-like sometimes. But even then, I was discerning on what was good advice. Family usually gave great wisdom gems: I would agree with them.
hating you…. Dewan

Are you serious??? Is that your picture? I see why times were hard for you Dewan. Brotha's being on the down low is a serious issue.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Let's keep it civil folks. I'm all for free expression but I like a clean and healthy discourse. No hits below the belt and unsportsmanlike conduct.

#Break
http://ciglthesigil.wordpress.com Chi-town

Ok for all those enlightened folks who say they dont look to others for advice they look to them for another perspective, im not sure but it sounds like One in the Same to me!:/ Im sure id be scratchin my head if im *Asking my friends or family about a situation and they have absolutely nothin to say..its like sayin i dont go to tutoring to get help from my proffesor, i go to get his perspective of how _blankblank_.?? we GOTSTA quit foolin ourselves,mistake 1..truthfully,whn u do that ur expecting some answers,revelations,advice,and/or extra opinions...

Beyonce-i feel u but who u should really look out 4 is JASMINE SULLIVAN!!! Mannn she got a lotta girls almost half Shot! Straight up LOL

Great Post..I love ur site&refer people to it all the time..my lil blog heaven lol..
Piggy

Beyonce part - definitely forced... doubt she thinks she's a relationship advisor or ppl look to her as such. I agree with earlier commentor-> gotta watch family (parents) advice sometimes.
MsFeminist

Im 21 & im a Bey Stan to the T and I for sure dont listen to her for advice abd neither do my friends. Its music. Men kill me when they ALWAYS bring this up
MsFeminist

Id say yes to your whole post
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Wasn't painting Beyonce as someone who views herself as a relationship advisor or people look to her purposely, BUT there are a lot of women that spout out her lyrics as personal mantras. I.E. During a break up: "Whatever, to the left, to the left, I'm doing me" or in talks with a girlfriend/dude: "I'm looking for someone to put a ring on it.."

It's stuff like that I was talking about in regards to Bey and her music's influence on SOME.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Cause there are women that spew out her lyrics during regular conversation like parrots and apply to their lives. Breakup with a dude singing "to the left, to the left" or talking to their girls like "If he liked it then he should have put a ring on it." Those are the individuals and examples I'm referencing in listening to Bey. Then, she tends to have mixed messages from song to song.
http://www.awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

Great post! But to be clear... I think sometimes the people who have had it the worst can you give great advice as well. While I appreciate the advice of married couples in seemingly perfect relationships, it is also helpful to learn from the errors other people made. I have a really good friend in a really bad situation, and often I steer away from mistakes she's making to avoid those consequences.

People with rough histories that have survived are also as helpful as people who've had little to no bumps in the road.

Great post!

Crystal Marie
http://www.awordorthree.com
Michelle

I agree in concept with your thoughts. I do believe that people are hungry for information and insight and should definitely consider the source. That being said, while I'm no Steve Harvey fan by far, there is value in consulting folks who have weathered storms and have the benefit of hindsight. It's all about balance. Because if I speak with a happily married person who's never experienced an unfaithful spouse, or some other difficulty that I'm experiencing, I'm not sure how helpful he or she will be to me.

Bottom line, it's all about balancing where you seek advice with knowing yourself and your partner well enough to take all information with a grain of salt. Also, as far as Beyonce-speak in a relationship, I think that if you're seriously quoting songs to address relationship matters you may not be mature enough to enter into or sustain a relationship--which is a deeper issue to be addressed.

Great blog. Looking forward to following. BlackLoveRules
100K

Agreed.

Steve Harvey annoys the shit outta me. I read his book and it all seemed like common sense stuff. With this stuff about his ex-wife coming out, it seems like he's contradicting himself. Not only that, but he left his exwife for his side woman. Not smart at all.

My girl and I have been together for 4 months and change now but we were friends before. We have a strict "dont tell our friends about our business" policy and it works.

Those single friends who are constantly upset will mess your relationship up faster than you can blink.
Juanita

Standing O to you Michelle, you hit the nail on the head.
Marcia H.

So excited that some conversation was started b/c of something I said!Feeling really special right now!
Janine

I'm only 20 years old and what I've witnessed, experienced is that women who seek outside opinions/advice do so because they do not trust their own "Gut Instincts". If you've got a feeling that something is off and is making you question anything in your relationship, trust that feeling, go to the source which is your male friend.

A true relationship consists of two individuals, you and your significant other. You can't possibly expect outside forces to know whats going on in your relationship and in the mind of someone else simply based off what you say, there's two sides here, not just yours. All outside advice does is add to the confusion you already found yourself in. Communication is key! If you can't talk to your significant other about any doubts or anything you feel, you can't expect your relationship to progress.
Janine

As far as taking advice from celebs on anything especially about your relationship is foolish and pure nonsense!

Taking advice from Beyonce song lyrics is ridiculous. If you as a woman can't pay your own bills, bills, bills, sounds like you're not financially stable. If you want a soldier(dough boy, street dude), you're already exposing yourself to a type of guy that means you no good so don't be surprised if he does you dirty and why would you want to have another him as the lyrics are " I can have another you in a minute ".... And yeah...."If He Liked It ", he would've been willing to put a ring on it.
Lo

Agreed. IMHO, Beyonce sings songs - anyone who actually listens to that as a "reliable" source of advice deserves what they get.

As for Steve Harvey... please. Just... please.

And friends.... I have two friends who're more sisters of my soul than just friends - one married, one single. The married one has always told me the truth - straight-up, no chaser - about the guys I date (and she's always been right, whether good or bad). The single one tends to base any [unsolicited]advice on whether or not she's in a relationship - I've noticed that, when she's single, her advice ALWAYS veers more towards that of the "dump him" variety.

If you haven't gotten it right, why would I want to listen to you? Jes' sayin'.
saritas

Rather than consulting others, take some time out and think for yourself. Trust and believe, you more than anyone know what the heck needs to be done.
http://www.AConleyCreation.com A Conley

Wow, I must be in the very small minority who actually enjoyed Steve Harvey's book. Perhaps it was because at that point in my life, I'd been fighting against doing the logical thing for too long and that book really helped me out. Sure, it may seem like common sense for some of us, but for others, like myself at that time, I was too lost in my baggage and insecurities to heed my common sense.

And just because someone hasn't been in a successful or healthy relationship doesn't mean that they don't know what it takes to be in one. Just like that common sense, many of us know in our guts what we should be doing but don't listen to it.

As for Beyonce, I also always thought there was a conflict in her songs. Irreplacable gets under my skin because why even be with someone if you can replace them easily? What's the point of dating and cohabitating?!
AGDM

I agree on every point you made. The only reason I come to the blogs is to kind of get a "pulse" on what everyone else thinks about certain situations and ideas. The comments are like a sampling of a larger collective.
http://www.sexmentality.com Solae Dehvine

Ohh my goodness I just talked about this and I am glad that someone else is feeling me. Check out my video on youtube it's called Steve Harvey needs to think like a Man and I touch on having self-esteem and listen to your core values. . . LOVE the article!!!
CharlotteJ

I have let friends and family members talk me out of a relationship with a perfectly good man. Sigh...
matuart

Loving it~ now can we have some words about the women who have crossed over to the Homosexual movement~ to make a man for themselves~ these women are sociopaths who hate men, don't like Lesbians. They find Lesbians the compition, they want a man as a partner, not a woman. They stalk and they will get vicous. I'm outting this issue becasue I'm being stalked right now. Nothing worse than a woman who hates men and woman who don't want to carry a dildo around for them, makes me sic.
I'll always be open to a women, becasue i am a Lesbian, even we have to be carful of these crazy women. Yes, I said it I'm tried of the abuse of the Bay Area women who chase woman to have them cut off their breast and become~ useless ~ mindless women who say they are men inside~
o well, that's all it is, inside~ cause when we were born a female, that was it, period. How you feel, is how you feel, it is not reality. Now, I'm not saying you can't feel, think or act like the thoughts you have, it's just not reality, not in my experiece, which are my expressions, feeling, thoughts on science, biology, and common sense.
You men who chased these woman over to our world, yuck, you messed up our lives too, congradulations.........Peace

You comments? come on now~ don't get it twisted~
matuart

I want to hear pro and con~ these woman need to be outted, for the mental health of woman who know who they are, and don't want to mix their lives with straight women who are sociopaths....