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Are You Too Demanding in Relationships? (Man Up)

Posted by NWSO • January 31, 2011 • Printer-friendly

WORDS BY TIA

They say most women subconsciously attract men that remind them of their first loves (Daddy) and I definitely attribute my desire for the Alpha male in the pack to my father.

I remember as a little girl my dad sneaking past me in the early hours of the morning so he wouldn’t wake me, as he always started his routes around 5am. At the time he worked for what we now know as a defunct symbol for corporate fraud. A true Enron of the 1980's, which had the bright yellow T-shirts and hat to match: Crazy Eddie.

Life was good then. Money was never an issue in my household, the more there was to be made, the more my father brought home. He gave us anything we asked for—if we deserved it, of course. Birthdays were always filled with some piece of gold and cake, lots of cake. He ruled with a heavy hand, but protected us like a Lion would his pride. He spoke very little and was only concerned with good behavior and high marks in school. When he walked in a room, women would watch and men would move out of his way. He moved with a sedated nature that would frighten people who didn’t know him. He acted as if nothing bothered him, even if it did. These days they call it poker face, I called it stoic.

I remember distinctly a soap opera affair in my household. My mother has always been stunning, even in her “mature” age men still cant believe she has four children, so her youth was no different. In fact, one time my father's cousin, who I never liked and would watch me steadily with predative eyes, called my mother and asked her to accompany him to dinner. The loyalty and love for my father was impenetrable and she quickly made it known to my father of his cousin's shenanigans, who might I add, was married with two children. I’m not certain what my father said to him, but all we knew later was he disappeared—literally. He packed his family up and moved to Florida. We never heard or spoke to them again. My father was protective, loyal and didn’t stand for disrespect.

See, my father never lacked testicular fortitude. Something that I seek, even test when dating or getting to know a man. One particular evening, “Dread,” as I call him, decided to pop back into my life again. He was my first love and to this day still my best friend. Despite how wonderful he was and how highly I thought of him, he was in desperate need of testicular fortitude.

He was complaining again about his current relationship, which I would never comment on or input my advice. I never wanted to be the scapegoat for their demise, which was pretty much inevitable. She had three children by multiple fathers. He had none. He was warm, quiet and rarely argued. She was hasty and controlling and would start an argument over salt! He could see no clear and present future with her, but she wanted more children. Again, a disaster on a plate of garbage.

"Why are you there if you hate it so much?”
"What do you want out of your future in 3-5 years?”
"Is there something lacking inside of you that you need to re-evaluate?”

As his friend and ex-lover I knew all of the answers, I just wanted him to say it, digest it, and regurgitate it to the universe. He finally answered, "I’m going to be really honest, Tia. I started dating her because she reminded me of you. She can be quite demanding."

I paused and was a bit insulted at first. Then, I remembered another male friend of mine saying the same thing over dinner. My best friend calls it “firm love.” Demanding! Of all things, he says demanding! So I started thinking, maybe I was. Or, maybe the man that raised me taught me to expect nothing less from a man since he gave me nothing less than the best. I went on the defensive at first then realized it was pointless trying to explain to someone that I know exactly what I want, when his life was in complete chaos and disarray. I simply replied: “Pray on it.”

No sooner did I hang up the phone did I start thinking about my current beau and his testicular fortitude. He was no stranger to commanding a crowd; he was quiet and terrible at the art of communication. He had a following sometimes he didn’t always want and lived in a grand bachelor pad. He never bothered me, but when I was around him he paid attention and was respectful. He noticed little things and complimented me rarely.

The things he did take notice of were strange to me, things he shouldn’t have seen. Like, the mole on my lip. Or the slight scar above my right eye. He let me say and do what I wanted but stopped me when I went too far. He was careful not to talk too much of the “women” in his life, and always made it seem as if he didn’t really want them. He was a go-getter and witty. He was not excitable, and reminded me how dramatic I was whenever I told a story. He could come up with great prose just from one word. He had to have things his way and rarely smiled, but when he laughed it was a treat from the Creator. He too called me “demanding” and told me off after one of our many pointless arguments. That was now three against one.

Now, thinking about it, he was just like my father in many ways: Strong, silent, ambitious and beautiful. I guess I was okay with his rash comments. At least he had the testicular fortitude to tell me to my face, unlike the others who would whisper it behind my back while asking me to go out for dinner.

Do you look for similar qualities as your parents in prospective mates? Or, do you want to date people that are nothing at all like your parents? Are you attracted to alpha males/females? If so, what is it about those type of personalities that attracts you? Would you rather date someone that stands up for themselves or lets you take the lead in the relationship? Have you ever been with someone that was “demanding” or are you that person? What effect did that personality trait have on your relationship? Would you give an ex advice on their current relationship?

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Tagged as: alpha female, Alpha male, crazy eddie, demanding, Enron, respect

TheNawtyPrfssor

@NakedWithSocks ...I am absolutely demanding...some say too demanding but I just have little room 4 mistakes!
Empress86

I totally agree with you. Having a dad who sounds very similar to yours I was brought up to expect nothing less from a man than all the wonderful characteristics you stated about your father. What amazes me is that those same qualities which are things I would look for in a man seem to be scarce in todays world. I think it also goes to show how important the role of a good father is in a young girl's life. How else will young girls know how a man is supposed to treat them if the man they should have closest to them in life really isn't there? Do I want someone who is exactly like my father? No. But I do want someone whose character resembles my dad's strength, poise, and his nature as a whole.
sunshyne84

My dad wasn't around, but I like strong alpha males as well. I think it has to do with me beign a pisces. Our heads can get in the clouds at times so its important to have someone bring us down to reality and be decisive since we have the tendency to be indecisive.
Preach

I honestly am not a total Alpha male..(besides being a brother of Iota Phi Theta Fraternity Inc.) not into the alpha male title.
Im more the Beta male in that sense. Im the snarky, witty, (for lack of a better word)smooth talker in a romantic situation. My pops is an Alpha male and thats not me at all. I love a balanced woman..have a back bone but know when to shut it down. I dont like arguing at all and will break out if its an issue.
Anike Love

Even though my father is in my life, he's not very much of a father figure. He's physically present, but emotionally absent, so I'm drawn to men who are completely opposite of him. If I start dating a guy whose nature is similar to my dad's (strict adherence to traditional gender roles, emotionally unavailable), I aboutface in the other direction b/c I know and recognize my needs and desires in a relationship.

With my current partner and I, there isn't a "leader". We feel that having as equal roles as possible in our relationship is important. Of course that kind of backfired when I'm tried to be prissy and not shovel snow and sweety passed me a shovel b/c "Baby, we're equals". Damnit! But I digress...

If "demanding" is asking for things that should normally occur within the confines of a healthy relationship (i.e. respect, trust, love, etc) then heck yeah I'm demanding. But I don't ask of my partner what I myself am not willing to do or capable of doing.
Enid Wilson

Who wouldn't want a Mr. Darcy?

Fire and Cross
http://nwso.net Symbiotic Loner

Yes, I do admit that I'm currently seeking women who are similar to my mom. Playful, fair-minded, down-to-earth, outspoken to a point, devoted, and, most importantly, nurturing. I've been known to date females not like my mom, and, for the most part, I ended up getting burned. "Alpha" females tend to be a total turnoff to me, since the few I've encounted tended to forget that I'm a human being. I find it interesting that people keep pushing "having a backbone". The strength of a backbone goes hand-in-hand with its flexibility--be too inflexible at the wrong time, and a person will end up with pain. Just like a man, for the sake of the relationship, needs to learn when to shut up, so does a woman. Just like a man, for the sake of the relationship, needs to learn when to listen, so does a woman. Just like a woman, for the sake of the relationship, needs to learn when to share, so does a man. Of course, I've been with a few women who were truly demanding--who usually pressed things of me that each of them, at the least, weren't willing to do--and, I've used those encounters to learn the signs of a demanding woman so I will never again attempt to bond with such a woman. To be fair, I have been "demanding" in the past but in terms of reciprocity where the woman was slacking. And, I continue to be "demanding" in terms of common courtesy. The only reason I lean so hard on common courtesy from women is because I have promised myself to not be cheated in a relationship by a female again. Otherwise, the woman tempts me to either serve up deuces to find a woman who is woman enough to serve reciprocity or tempts me to become a cheater by principle.
mine jaz

In the man I'm with...I see sum qualities of my father but I also look for wat I feel my father lacked in bringing to our relationship. For instance my father is goofy...more funny , and so is my boifriend. But my boifriend is much much more affectionate physically obviously and more importantly verbally. With my father. Wats crazy is that some of the things that drove my father crazy about me, are driving me crazy about my man...lol. but I do believe relationships wit our parents have a much stronger impact on us than we realize
JoyfulQueen

okay...When my father moved out of my house when i was about, 14ish. But from the time i knew him closely, til when he left, he was strong, quiet at times, YET didnt take ish from ANYONE.. not even my mother-his then wife, now ex-.

So when i look for a man, and i found a GREAT ONE, i never go out demanding things and puttin my needs before his. I search for a compromise and DEMAND only one thing....that we BOTH be happy.

Regardless, at the end of the day...u can get allllllll the things u want from a man, ask him to do this and that, and have them "OBEY" but forreal, u think he is ultimately satisfied with this lifestyle? NOPE... he's mentally packing his things on his way to leave ya stank butt.

Bottom line: Having a lil puppy that does any and everything u say WITHOUT hesitation nor arguement is just...boring. let alone WRONG.
TJ

I have to say that I've lacked the desire to be what's considered demanding especially because I watched my mother's dynamics as I grew up. I found that it was the reason for her not being able to keep a "good" man. It wasn't until I reached adulthood that I witnessed my mother become the more gentle woman towards her husband (after a heap of heartache and drama). I believe that asking and telling are certainly different. There's a way to communicate what you want/need from your man that absolutely renders him more than willing to provide. I also believe that we should not expect to get what we don't give. Although I did not have a conventional relationship with my dad, I do prefer an alpha male (which he was) with the strong sense of leadership and proctective stance for his woman and family. There's nothing wrong with a lady knowing what she wants and how to get it. Proverbs 31 tells me that "In her mouth is the law of kindness." I strive to be that woman of noble character who covers all her bases and is known and loved for the balance she exudes, especially in my personality.
prettygirlndmv

@NakedWithSocks I think some women tend 2 stay in bad relationships b cuz they r getting the attention they didn't get from dad.
jaclynsd

Do you look for similar qualities as your parents in prospective mates? I look for strength and drive, like my mother, never thought I’d say strength because she put up w/a lot from my father. But as an adult I see it now. I like humor, keeping your word, honesty like my father. My dad always kept it 100% even when it came to his imperfections. I respected that. In all I look for funny, driven, protective, loyal, honest are all the things my step-father is.
Are you attracted to alpha males/females? Yes, since I’m always the alpha female I look for the alpha male. We tire of weakness rather quickly.

If so, what is it about those type of personalities that attracts you? I need a man to put me in my place. Not w/violence or disrespect but like the writer said…he lets you say what you feel until of course it is enough.

Would you rather date someone that stands up for themselves or lets you take the lead in the relationship? If I have to take the lead then I have no need for that man. I’m old school and feel men are the head of the household. To me the man is king and I’m his queen, if he falls of the queen is there to handle it. But if he is never able to takes the lead then what’s the point of him being around.

Have you ever been with someone that was “demanding” or are you that person? No, so maybe I’m the demanding person.

What effect did that personality trait have on your relationship? I would have to say that I tire quickly. If the man isn’t stepping up then I step out. Maybe that’s why I always get the “you always have me at arms length…close enough but far enough”

Would you give an ex advice on their current relationship? Don’t talk to exs, once we’re done we’re done.

This was a great read and I agreed w/a lot of the stuff she had to say. Thanks for sharing
Goodie

Sadly, many do not have a template to use when seeking a good man or being a good man. As a result those of us who do have our dads are considered crazy when we expect to see something that even resembles our fathers in this world of the fatherless. Just this past weekend I had a disagreement with the man I am seeing; he suggested that I was just used to getting what I wanted and reminded me that he was a stand-up guy, almost as if he meant to say he was one of the few good black men around. I reminded him that being a catch was a pre-requisite for being with me. I have always prided myself on seeking and dealing with the best because I was raised by the best and understand what the best looks like.

Often people will try making you believe that your redeeming qualities are flaws, not because they are but because the bar may be out of their reach. I have spent a good amount of time considering how my strength could be a weakness and how my demands could be too much; I discovered:

- had I not been strong, I would be long gone because there have been many trials and tribulations
- If I were to not demand to be treated the way I believe I deserve to be treated I would be dating anyone who believed they could do anything to me.

This is not to say that you should turn a deaf ear to constructive criticism, labeling those who provide it as haters. Instead all should follow a moral code of treating others as they wish to be treated, never demanding more than they are willing to give.
MissLeo83

Wow this is so true a guy I have been interested in for sometime now has traits like my father. He also notice things I wouldnt expect him to. Like my mole on my lip , my facial expressions and he is quick to tell me if I had gone too far. So now I see I am attracted to the Alpha Male I like for a man to be a MAN to put it loosely.
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthecomedian

The problem comes when women who want alpha males think they KNOW what manhood is.... No matter how close you are to your father you at best have an idea of manhood.
I love and adore my mother but I can only fathom what womanhood is. So ladies be careful about what is a "man" to you...most of the time it's not what you think
BlackLoveRules

RT @NakedWithSocks: Dating someone that's too demanding can be a turn-off so ladies shouldn't do this http://nwso.net/2011/01/31/too-demanding... ...
Rastaman

There are a lot of qualities my mother possess that I aspire to in a prospective mate, her savvy, her hustle and her directness but there are other aspects to dear mom’s personality that are very unappealing, being argumentative, holding on to the past and an unwillingness to acknowledge personal shortcomings. I have seen the dynamics that occurred between my parents and I have no desire to replicate that in my own life. My parents are with each other because of their mutual desires and needs. I don’t have the same needs as my father and so I don’t have to get a woman just like mom. Plus I would have probably strangled her by now. But those are their choices it has no direct impact on my life.
I think that may be part of the problem, when we so idolize a parent that we seek to replicate their qualities in our future mates. The flaw there is that no matter how great your parent was as a parent they may not have been equal to the task as a spouse/mate. The dynamic is different. My dad was a great father to us but his performance as a husband falls short to hear my mother put it. As a father I would definitely want to be like he was but as husband I can only be better in my estimation. The writer may want to speak with her mother on exactly how well her father performed as a husband. She may find the truth is not as she imagined it to be.
I am not an alpha male; I am not highly competitive, overachieving or super confident. I am goal oriented; I pick my battles and winning is not everything. My personal philosophy in relationships is who does it best can do it but you have to be able to do something. I don’t mind a demanding woman because I am very comfortable telling people yes, no or maybe whatever answers fits the questions. I may never always get the girl or even keep the girl but I know the women in my life respected me for keeping it straight.
One thing I have learned about relationships is that when they don’t work it is not generally anyone parties fault. It may just be because those 2 people were not the right fit. So that which may be deemed a lack of “testicular fortitude” to one person may be seen as being a very agreeable to another person.
Six of one/half a dozen of the other.
Darling

I'm an alpha female. I am strong and resilient and not afraid to fight. At the same time being soft and sensual and knows how to let a man take the lead. This being said, I need a strong alpha male. A man who will not only take the lead, but call me on my bull****. I'm likely to run over him.
Do you look for similar qualities as your parents in prospective mates? I love my dad in that he is strong and always has taken care of us. I'll leave it at that.
Or, do you want to date people that are nothing at all like your parents? There are some traits that I would never want to see in my mate.
Are you attracted to alpha males/females? Alpha males, most definitely. Whew!
If so, what is it about those type of personalities that attracts you? The want/need to make money and take care of family. The understanding that hs woman needs to be independent. The protection that he offers comes automatically.
Would you rather date someone that stands up for themselves or lets you take the lead in the relationship? I'd rather date someone who stands up for themselves.
Have you ever been with someone that was “demanding” or are you that person? I have never been with someone that is demanding. I am usually that person. The qualities I want are rare for men of my own age range.
What effect did that personality trait have on your relationship? It causes break ups and arguments because the guy knows I need/want more than the average feamle and will run before having to do the work to keep me.
Would you give an ex advice on their current relationship. No, I wouldn't, because I dont want to know about the relationship. I usually find that the man is miserable and goes for someone silly after dating me. It seems like revenge that I didnt have to do myself. lol.
Darling

Thats why I ask so many questions from the men I know and from the men I meet. Women need to take the time to study the male species. Its important to find out so much before looking at anything serious.
essem See

your mother sounds exactly like mine
Elle

While I did not have a father like the one described, I would totally claim the "demanding" title. Maybe because I did not have a dad of this nature I know exactly what I missed and look for. I know what I want and do not accept anything less than that - which applies to myself and my actions as well.
R.e.D

I agree with you but I ain't shoveling no snow if I have a man...
Anike Love

Ahhhhh, I loved "Pride and Prejudice"...but that Mr. Darcy was a tough one. I think I'd prefer Mr. Bingley lol
Anike Love

It's good exercise!! Gets your heart rate up! Then, move the exercise from the driveway, to the bedroom....hehe
Shannon

I was the demanding one in my marriage. My husband was what I call a "honey-do" man; he jumped every time I said, "Honey, do this," or, "Honey, do that." He bent over backwards to make me happy and spared no expense on me...just like my father.

I remember my father getting up at 5am to cook breakfast and I would race to the kitchen after getting dressed and cleaned up for breakfast. Then he would leave for work while I banged on the door and screamed for him to come back, which he always did, and I went with him to work and no one ever batted an eye.

I remember my father going out in a hurricane to get me something to eat from McDonald's and wading through 2 feet of water to get my favorite teddy bear out of his truck. There wasn't anything my father wouldn't do for me.

In comes my husband. John wasn't a pushover, but my happiness was so important to him that he stopped at nothing. He was so devoted to me, but a lot of times I wonder if I was so demanding that he felt pushed into doing things for me. I wonder if my father doted on me the way he did because I was the baby, born 25 years after his previous child and grew up with the grandchildren.

I probably will never know for certain. Like my father, I do know what I want and I won't ever accept less; I also know my father set the bar extremely high for any man I met and my husband was the one who was willing to reach it. My father a military man, was the kind of man who commanded attention and respect and didn't seem to have to say a lot to get it. My mother always described my father as the "strong, silent type, a man of few words," that is, until I came along.

John always took the lead in our marriage and I usually got what I wanted, but every once in a while he would stand his ground and dig in on something I wanted. I never really gave much thought about whether or not I asked for too much in our marriage or how much John was like my father...at least now until now. I just know I felt comfortable and safe and secure with him, just like I did with my father and never thought about much else. I wasn't a complainer...well, I complained about the frequent travel required by his job. His excessive traveling was the primary reason we didn't make love for six months out of the year and rarely spent Valentine's Day together. He always made sure, though, that he was home for our anniversary.

John was definitely an alpha male. I loved how he took charge of a situation because I liked feeling taken care of. I never had to worry about anything when John was alive, just like I never had to worry about anything when I was growing up with my father. They were both quintessential men, my father and John, and even though I didn't have a lot of time with them, I will always be grateful to have had such great men in my life.

Now that John is gone, I know I need to move on and meet someone else. But I can't. I can't help but compare every man I meet to my husband and expect them to be just like John and get frustrated when they aren't. I have to accept a new love into my life on his own merits and allow him to have his own place in my heart. I just haven't figured out how to do this, so now I'm just overly demanding and I know I'm not being fair or reasonable and don't know how to fix it.
Anike Love

Wow, thank you for sharing that story, it really touched my heart! John and your father sounded like two extraordinary men. I wish you the best in finding love again!
QuoteMan

When a woman looks for the qualities of her father in man, she’s deemed a strong woman who knows what she wants, and maybe rightly so; if a man looks for anything remotely close to the qualities of his mother in a woman, he's a mama's boy. What's a man to do.

As for demanding women, I know a place, if y’all wanna get some help. Lol
R.e.D

Are you attracted to alpha males/females? If so, what is it about those type of personalities that attracts you?
Alpha males are sexy as hell. They just exude this sense of confidence, that type of man who walks into a room and just commands attention. Which is one of the problems with the Alpha male. They are used to getting what they want, women flock to them and in my experience, they are hoes. I'm sorry, but this is how I feel. Just like how I find them sexy, there are a myriad of other women that feel the exact way.
Back in the day, an alpha male was all that I could see myself with, but this has surely changed.
You see, women like men that they think are enigmas. You know, the men they can't figure out. The men that are poor communicators, the ones that you really don't know too much about their past, or what they are thinking. The ones that give out compliments ever so sparingly, the one you can't quite get a handle on. Sort of like the one the author mentioned- (No disrespect Tia b/c I don't know your man) But for me, I've had that type of men, I've loved that type of man and I just don't want that type of man anymore. I am fine with a guy that doesn't talk much, but I won't tolerate a poor communicator. I actually want to know about your past, your women- ALL of it, this is just how I am. I need to know how you feel about me without having to guess. I want you to compliment me b/c I go the extra 2 miles trying to look good for you-so notice it darn it. I don't need compliments daily or weekly. I don't need 'I love you' after every convo (that's just corny) but don't stifle a compliment today b/c you gave me one last week.

Do you look for similar qualities as your parents in prospective mates?
My father is strong, quiet, firm, God-fearing, relatively tall and dark as night. He has worked hard his entire life and calls any man that does not do the same a 'shitting man.' He holds it down for his family-at all times. Does not tolerate foolishness and is as honest as one can can get. Never known to dip out on my mother, b/c truly, it takes a real man to be monogamous. This man, I love. These other fools like to act like they are so different, yet they are the same, cause the bastards still cheat. Can you imagine the discipline it takes, NOT to cheat when there are many women that want you?
However, he is not a big complimenter (is this a word??) to my mother. I guess 45 yrs would do that.
So I will admit, there are qualities in him that I want in a husband, but there are other ones that I look for as well when choosing a mate.

Would you rather date someone that stands up for themselves or lets you take the lead in the relationship?
I have never been with a man that didn't have a strong sense of self or who wasn't able to take the lead. I NEED this. My personality wouldn't coincide with a passive man. You see, I am aggressive, not demanding or domineering, but you have to be firm in order to tolerate my personality and call me out when I go too far.

Have you ever been with someone that was “demanding” or are you that person?
I'm not sure if I am demanding. I need this to be better defined. The author said this is what she was called, but I am still not getting a sense of what she really meant.The only thing I demand from a man is respect. And this should be reciprocated.

Would you give an ex advice on their current relationship?
Only if I was asked. Otherwise, I just listen.
R.e.D

Wow that was long...
R.e.D

Well I see how that works out for both of you!
MonaLisa

I can honestly say that I have never been demanding in a relationship, probably the opposite. It seems "demand" can be used in such a negative way, such as the way it's used in the blog entry. But I don't think there is anything wrong with "demanding" respect, trust, loyalty, and so on. Which is why I do regret not being demanding in that aspect.
I do, however, believe that there is something wrong with being demanding in the sense that you think you always have to get your way or that things always have to go your way. Not cute.
jaclynsd

It seems to me you are an alpha male it doesn’t have to be the three you described but you seem to have more the…walks softly, but carries a big stick kind of attitude…”I am very comfortable telling people yes, no or maybe whatever answers fits the questions.“ that’s a great quality to have. I think the writer was just making a point that when you have a “demanding”/strong woman their needs to be a man, man enough to say…yes, no or maybe. Some men treat women more like their mother and less like a girlfriend or wife. They seem afraid to say no to some women or even to rock the boat sort of speak.

I also like your philosophy on relationships “who does it best can do it but you have to be able to do something.” In my experience the failure of most relationships is that both parties at the end of the day end up doing nothing, not because they cant agree on whom does it better but because they no longer want to save the relationship, so a lot of people just give up.
jaclynsd

I think alpha male means dif things to different people. I do agree w/you on this "I am fine with a guy that doesn’t talk much, but I won’t tolerate a poor communicator. I need to know how you feel about me without having to guess. I want you to compliment me b/c I go the extra 2 miles trying to look good for you-so notice it darn it. I don’t need compliments daily or weekly. I don’t need ‘I love you’ after every convo (that’s just corny) but don’t stifle a compliment today b/c you gave me one last week." Def been w/a guy like that. Yes there’s sexiness in quiet and mystery but NOT when it comes to communicating or letting me know how you feel about me. That's just a lack of intimacy on a man's part and that is not something anyone should put up with.
ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence

"I think it also goes to show how important the role of a good father is in a young girl’s life."

Couldn't agree more, however I think the role of a positive male figure is far more important in a young male's life. You mentioned that finding such a dude is scarce. Would you believe it's because most guys didn't have a positive male to guide them?

#gladigotmydad
ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence

I see why your called preach... Amen
Wmofyr

I wonder if men and women have different definitions of Alpha male. To me the Alpha male is looked up to by other men, you can just tell. But he's kind to his woman. He doesn't intimidate the woman that is his: and he probably listens to her. He wants to take care of her and family.

I gravitate to the Alpha male. This guys just looks and acts totally sexy to me. I never regretted one of those relationships.

But ironically, the man I married could not keep a promise. The baby may have had something to do with it.. And also my father was not around much, and never kept promises, even when he was able to... Ironically, my ex was not so good in any category, except looks: not even in bed.

So I agree, that good fathers are so important to young girls.

Okay, my new rule is that the man must keep promises..
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthecomedian

And this is why relationships are hard for dudes not deemed an Alpha male. It'd a catch 22...do I act like an attention grabbing douche or just be me?..if I'm a natural talker do I be quiet all the time because it's sexier if I'm quiet? It's weird for men..very very weird
jaclynsd

“do I act like an attention grabbing douche or just be me?” lol
Preach I’d say just do you. Its trial and error and each woman is dif. But the right woman, the right one for you will communicate what she needs from you. All the rest arent even worth stressing over.
bogart4017

I have never ever wanted to date or marry anyone like my mother. I love her to death and have no complaints about being raised by her. However she was and still is what we use to call a ballbuster. She probably had to be to raise four strong-willed boys into men. But i never sought her traits in any women and anyone who reminded me of her turned me off. At times she had attendancy not to think before she spoke and she can be a little brusque. She holds grudges, even against family members and won't hesitate to "disinherit and disown you". I think she had issues when it comes to men but she will never admit to being hurt (unless it was her father who did it). She had all the other wonderful qualities a mother should have but the total package is not conducive to a good relationship for me.
R.e.D

Like Jaclyn said- just do you. I can add more here, but at the end of the day, don't pretend to be something you aren't b/c of what SOME women like. This will just come off as you being fake. And at this age, who has time for all the pretenses??
You will find that person that loves you for being Preach. Don't be fooled-we all have difficulty maintaining meaningful relationships- that's alpha male/female or not. But anything worth having is worth working toward.
Just Sayin

Instead of "demand" this or "demand" that....How about we love her and love him! Thats all kiddos nothing but love baybeess!
Wmofyr

Bogart you'd be surprised how girly or womanly, and nice-nice a mother acts when young folk are not watching. lol
Justme

Love this piece! Unfortunately before I had a relationship with my father, I dated men who were like him. They were absent, emotionally unavailable, came and went as they pleased, but yet I do not fault them because that was the kind of man my father was and I accepted such behavior as normal. However, my father and I began a relationship and ultimately we are the best of friends now once I finally relaized the kind, respectable, hard working man that he was and likewise, my mate resembles my father.

Demanding, I don't want to think that I am demanding, but it would be safe to say, I do hold expectations of how I am to be treated. In regards to my mate is he demanding, no, but again he expects things from me. If you would like to know do we deman respect, honestly, loyalty, faithfullness, monogamy, sexual frequency, a clean house, home cooked meals, and all those other attributes which accompany a successful relationship, then yes we are demanding of another and I would not expect anything else. But then again, I am older and wiser and now I know from experience, that it is ok to DEMAND things RESPECTFULLY!
Desmr825

My father was never there so I can say no I don't look for a guy that's like my father. On the other hand me not know my father personally just knowing of him I seem to come across men that something like his ways. I honestly wouldn't want my mate to be like my father.

About the demanding I hate to say it but I know I'm demanding so with me knowing that I want a man that's an alpha male or some people would say "cave man" I want him to absolutely stand up to me and for me. I love and I'm so attracted to a man that will stand up to me.