Have You Ever Broken Someone’s Heart? (Blog Cry)

0 Posted by - February 8, 2011 - Music, Relationships, Love & Marriage

Last week was interesting. Reposting “Are You Scared to Let Someone In?” made me reflect on a few things. I never claimed to be perfect. I’m human just like any other person, but I’d like to think that I’ve grown over the years. Still, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in love and war.

For every woman I’ve cared about, there’s probably a few that I’ve pushed away for various reasons. I was scared… emotionally unavailable… just not that into her… knew we didn’t have a future… in love with someone else… take your pick. Whatever the case, hurting someone is never my intention but sometimes it’s unavoidable. Problem is, I’m the type of guy that wears his heart on his sleeve. Even when I’m pushing you away I hate to see you go, especially with tears in your eyes.

A lot of people felt I was wrong for pushing away the unnamed woman in last week’s post, but it wasn’t about her, it was about my emotions and my issues. I appreciate her trying to help, but I just wasn’t in the space to share that with her—not then at least.

So as I reflected on that moment and others like it, I remembered Jay-Z’s “Song Cry” and how he poignantly wrote a late apology to the woman he scorned in the past. It’s something some men experience as they mature and look back on their life. I find myself in at a similar crossroads and decided to flip my own version of Jay’s record ’cause I still can’t see ’em coming down my eye so I gotta make the blog cry.

[Chorus]
I can’t see ‘em comin’ down my eyes
So I gotta make the blog cry
I can’t see ‘em comin’ down my eyes
So I gotta make the blog cry

[Verse 1]
Good dude, I know you loved me like cooked food
Even though a ni**a wasn’t ready to move
I know we was only together for a couple’a months
But we belonged together like milk and Captain Crunch
We used to sit in the park and enjoy sunny weather
Now we sit apart in the dark ’cause we not together
Never in bunches, just me and you
I loved your point of view ’cause you held no punches
Still, I left you for months on end
It’s been a few years since I checked back in
I got caught up with work, somewhere thinkin’ or writin’
I shoulda picked up the phone and called you quick like lightening
I can understand why you wanna divorce now
Though I can’t let you know it, pride won’t let me show it
Pretend to be heroic, that’s just one to grow with
But deep inside a ni**a so sick

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
On repeat, “Complicated” by that cat Robin Thicke
Watchin’ Love Jones wantin’ to be that shit
Blank page in your hand, sayin’, “Let me see that shit”
Dig in your purse, pull out a pen real quick
A ni**a had daddy issues, you helped me see that shit
Told me to pick the phone and call up my half-sis
We was so happy before but then I said that sh*t
That’s when our signals got crossed, and we got flipped
Rather mine, I don’t know what made me leave and quit
Made me speed that quick, let me see – that’s it
It was these other chicks that made me get amnesia quick
I used spend mad money, knowin’ they ain’t really love me
Used to tell me I was they buddy and couldn’t ever touch me
Then I showed up with more swag
And then they saw all that I had and they don’t remember that
And I don’t remember you…

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
A face of stone, was shocked on the other end of the phone
You said the sh*t was over and we can no longer be friends
So what was oh, so special then
I made you give away, tossed out like some old Nikes
And it’s not your fault, how many times can I say sorry?
But how was I to know that you was plain sick of me?
I know the way a ni**a was livin’ was wack
So in the end, I guess I deserve all that
I’m a man with pride, but I’ll accept the fact
That you gonna pick up and go and leave me just like that
I threw away what we had, and now you throwin’ it back
I said what I said and I know can’t take it back
They say you can’t turn a bad girl good
But once a good girl’s gon’ bad, she’s gone forever…
And I’ll mourn forever
Sh*t, I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever

[Chorus]
I can’t see ‘em comin’ down my eyes
So I gotta make the blog cry
I can’t see ‘em comin’ down my eyes
So I gotta make the blog cry

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? If so, would you apologize to that person if you had the chance? Or, were you the one who got their heart broken? Would you appreciate an apology from your ex for wronging you? What’s the hardest breakup that you’ve ever gone through? How long did it take for you to recover? How long does it take for you to realize that a relationship is toxic and you need to call it off? Would you ever take back someone that did you wrong and finally realized it? What did you think of my flip of Jay’s song?

Speak your piece…

  • http://thecandyshoppe.wordpress.com Ronnie6676

    So off topic but man is that cell phone in J’s video big enough?? LOL

  • sunshyne84

    I just move on. I’m not gonna dwell on the past or wait for closure for someone who didn’t care enough about me when they were doing me wrong. I don’t know if I ever hurt someone. I completely forget you guys even have feelings half of the time so who knows. lol

  • Toys

    Yes I have broken someones heart although I know that we will never be together he always come back…it’s like a cycle I lead him on enough so that I have a shoulder to cry on when someone breaks my heart I know that I’m being selfish but I just don’t want to let go…

  • TC

    Mannnnnnnnnnn….

    I had this one girl who I said I had hurt her but her ass was talkin’ bout marriage and love—on the 1st date.

    Uh yeah.

  • Wheelz

    Yeah, I have broken someone’s heart. I like to measure the relationship on the good & the bad, like how Marvin Gaye probably did on that song, Just To Keep You Satisfied (“…though the many happy times we had, can never really outweight the bad…”). So, if I ever reach a point where the bad times outweigh the good, then it’s time to break up & move on…

  • http://www.agdmphotography.com AGDM

    Short answer: Yes. Things happen. Sometimes people get involved with the same intentions, sometimes not. Sometimes people grow apart when they were headed in the same direction to begin with. The real deal is learning from these situations and not repeating mistakes NOR REGRESSING further to an stance of being scared or etc etc. That will get you nowhere but relationship-less, family-less, and child-less in the future.

  • http://robyninrealtime.tumblr.com rw

    i hope he reads this, and yes i’m waiting

  • http://womenarefrommars.wordpress.com/ NikkiB

    Yes – had the horrible breakups, one from a relationship that was absolutely toxic (and not really a break-up, as we were never really together).

    The one time I broke a heart, and truly broke it, not the other time when I was told I broke it but I clearly didn’t (getting confusing yet), I will always regret it. I allowed said toxic relationship to come into my life and cheat on a really good guy. I had other reasons for breaking up with him, and I did so the very next day but… to this day I want to tell him how sorry I am. Maybe one day I will. He’s still a friend who cares about me, and I know he knows the story and he has already forgiven me.

    Never trust something that makes you hurt those that love you.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Who’s he and what are you waiting for?

  • Lyndon

    Everytime I’ve made the effort to apologize I get a “I just wanna spit in your face” look. Im not sure it even helps to hear an apology. But it’s off my chest and not my burden.

  • YErdanos

    Yup.. I had my heart broken once but I dont think I have broken someones heart though.. my theory is keep it movin…dont apologize, I dont want to hear your apology.. Nothing you can do can turn time back so… heres it is … Whatever you do is on you, wash your hands clean, don’t be alarmed that the story’s ended… NO open arms here, They’re just waving you away. On to the next 1!!

  • Naomi

    I’ve experienced both sides of this. I’m a firm believer in forgiveness but I also think you need to ask for it. An apology is the best way to do that. I think an apology is warranted depending on the depth of the relationship. In October 2008 was left at the altar. It’s now February 2011 & I’ve yet to receive even a hint of an apology or any sense of remorse on his part. I never will until he works that out with himself. I’ve forgiven him in my heart & I hope he’s blessed beyond measure but there’s still part of me that needs to hear, “I’m sorry.” Mostly I just need to know that I’m not a horrible person & it wasn’t because of me. I’m not holding my breath.

  • Rastaman

    Broken hearts and had mine broken enough to know it’s an inevitable part of daring to love or seeking love. Never felt I was owed an apology for heartbreak, although I have apologized to a woman in my past, I can only remember one woman ever saying she was sorry many years later. I apologized because the failures in our relationship were a primarily a result of the unresolved feelings I had from a prior relationship. They affected how I related to her and spurred the ending to our relationship and I just felt she should know that.
    My hardest breakup ended a 5 year relationship; it was my first really deep relationship and it took me some time to realize how much it affected me because I had never had that experience before. It took some years to recover fully, if I ever really did. My most painful break up was of a 6 month relationship but for some reason it hurt more in that moment than anything prior. I figured out that it was probably the way we broke up that made it so painful. It was like ripping a band- aid off an open wound, the pain was sharp and deep. That experience taught me that some pain is life’s way of reminding us we are alive. That break up was one of the best things that happened to me eventually, it made me aware that I should determine who or what I want in my life instead of leaving it to who or what I could attract.
    The first 6 months of my relationships are generally a rough barometer of who I am with and where our heads and hearts are. If you spend enough time in each other’s presence over that time you can reasonably transition from that haze of infatuation to the reality of day to day interactions. That cute thing she does with her mouth becomes that annoying thing she is always doing. Her lateness goes from a minor oversight to an irritating annoyance and initially passionate disagreements are now frequents arguments. Suddenly that excitement you felt seeing them in the beginning only comes now when they leave. Sometimes we are amazed how quickly those feelings of attraction dissipate. It could happen in a moment or over a few months. The same is true for too for how quickly infatuation can become heartfelt love.
    There are some women in my past that I would not mind being a part of my future and there are others whom once was enough. I hold fast to the belief that much of life is about timing, that old saying that “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” Is something I sincerely hold true. So sometimes you may have been with the right person but it was not the right time for you or her. A new day brings new possibilities. So unless we never really meshed at all, no vibe or no attraction then it is always possible to re-kindle a future together.
    I am going hold off comment on your appropriation of Jigga’s words!!

  • Shequita

    Maybe an apology? Im wondering too

  • Shequita

    He says I broke his heart, but he broke mine long before I actually left. Now-a-days I back out of potentially bad relationships early, its better that way.

  • Shequita

    Nice job with Jigga’s song

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    To my knowledge, I’ve never broken anyone’s heart. That must be a hell of a power to have over someone.

    If anyone wanted to apologize to me over a break-up, I’d just say “okay”. Most of the time, an apology is done for the apologizer’s benefit, not the one who was wronged. (Also, many people don’t even mean it when they apologize.) So I’d just say, “okay” and leave it at that. If the apologizer feels good with “okay”, that’s fine; if not, oh well. I mean really, what would the person(s) expect me to say? *shrug* In my opinion, it’s not my job to make the apologizer’s ego feel good; that’s their job to make their own ego feel good. I can accept an apology without all the dramatics. It’s unnecessary.

    I’ve had to accept closure on my own many times because those who wronged me weren’t decent enough to provide it. So I don’t really need apologies; I#m able to find it on my own. In my opinion, you did what you did and that’s it. Live with it, forgive yourself for what you did, and gone on. No need to bother me with guilty feelings. *shrug*

  • Shannon

    I’ve had my heart broken many times and I’ve probably broken a few in my time, even though it wasn’t my fault. There was this guy I was good friends with and he liked me in a deeper way and the feeling definitely wasn’t mutual and he just dropped the friendship, claiming heartbreak. He was too hopeful, even though I told him I wasn’t interested.

    Then there was another guy who I dated for about a year and then after being treated like a nickel’s worth of dog shit for way too long, I just walked away from him and he swore I broke his heart and treated him like crap. Whatever.

    Then there was the one who broke my heart. I mean, this man had me thinking we were going to be together, get married and all that. We looked at houses for sale, talked about a honeymoon and even planned a wedding, only for him to back out and leave me standing at the altar, saying he thought I would give in sexually if we were getting married. I was so hurt for so long–who spends money on a wedding they know isn’t going to happen?–I wouldn’t even date anymore.

    Until I met The One–I met him at a bookstore. I was looking for books in the psychology section–mainly I was looking for evidence that men were jerks and it was in their genes to be jerks–when I looked across the store toward the coffee shop area and he was there on his laptop and boy was he gorgeous. I did something I never do; I approached him and gave him my card and said, “I hope you use this,” and ran off. Initially, he broke my heart when he asked me to marry him, but then he withdrew the proposal, saying he wasn’t ready, but we got married seven months later. I rejected his proposal the second time because I thought he was playing games, but then we got to talking and worked things out before it was too late.

    Well, I’m doing the best I can to move on now. My biggest problem is, hurt me once and you will never get another chance to do it again because I don’t forgive, I don’t forget and I don’t apologize. I don’t accept apologies either; they aren’t intended to make me feel better anyway. Apologies are intended to make the party who wronged me escape their guilt so they can feel better, not me.

    It might seem cold and unbending to most people, but that’s how I feel.

  • Elle

    Or, were you the one who got their heart broken?
    – Sure did. My whole frigging world was crushed.

    Would you appreciate an apology from your ex for wronging you?
    – Depends. If it is heartfelt, unselfish and comes after a serious look into the mirror and analyzing what he did wrong, then I would appreciate it.
    If it is only being done to make him feel better and feel like he is a “good man” or the apology only covers parts of what he has done, then no. Keep your half-assed apology because I do not care for it.

    What’s the hardest breakup that you’ve ever gone through? How long did it take for you to recover?
    – The hardest breakup was when my ex-fiance dumped me in the midst of planning a wedding and essentially our future together. That was awful and really messed me up, I mean REALLY. To this day, I am not the same person and never will be. But I am over the pain and have been for a while now. Took about a year and some change to not hurt so much anymore. However, I’m a different person because of it and that won’t ever be fixed.

    Would you ever take back someone that did you wrong and finally realized it?
    – No. Never. Once the words “it’s over” have left that person’s mouth I could never trust him again – ever. I’d always have the fear of being left again hovering over me. That in turn would cause insecurities and trust issues …. ergo: a messy situation.

    It’s rather funny that you’d discuss this very topic now. Last week my damn ex-fiance popped up out of nowhere and apologized. At first I thought it was a nice gesture. But after letting it marinate a little I came to the realization that it was out of selfish reasons and that he still failed to acknowledge the full scope of what he did. He’ll never accept his responsibility in what transpired, nor will he ever wrap his mind around what he really did to me. But who cares.

  • Elle

    That’s exactly why apologies ain’t worth ish most of the time. They are being made out of selfish reasons: So it is off YOUR chest and no longer YOUR burden. That’s not an apology. That’s washing yourself clean of responsibility for what you did.

  • hellifiknow

    @Naomi – well I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you have been able to move on in a healthy way. But if that is who he was, I hope you can recognize that he did you a favor. Take care.

  • Marcia H.

    I don’t believe I broke someone’s heart. Unless you count the BF I had in high school. But then again we remained friends until we lost touch…. so…. but anyway whether I did or didn’t I did explain myself and told him thank you. Now I’m not gonna act like I haven’t hurt someone’s feelings! I know I’ve done that! Oh and the remake was ON POINT! Kudos!

  • Rastaman

    Based on what you have written this person did you a huge favor. Think about it, someone you once planned a life commitment with turned out to be disingenuious so much so you doubt their capacity to really apologize. Not everyone who “shits” on you does you harm…..and sometimes pain is life’s way or reminding us that we are alive.
    You don’t have to forget but you surely unburden yourself when you forgive. Coming from someone who never forgets…

  • YErdanos

    Funny how just now i get “I wasnt trying to hurt you” from the dude that broke my heart… well you shoulda told me you were married and that your wife is excepting.. after 2 years at that.. so umm I say take that and shove…I dont believe in forgiving! LOL

  • R.e.D

    Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
    Once. If you are human, if you have any feeling at all, doing this to someone makes you feel like a despicable person. I apologized years later- a heartfelt sincere apology (even though the break up wasn’t entirely my fault, I was just the initiator). He told me he wished I never found anyone and that I don’t ever get married. Bear in mind, he is already married. In retrospect, I did him a favor by breaking up, so he could move on to someone who could love him, he just didn’t see it as that. This doesn’t mean that I wasn’t truly sorry, but this relationship was simply not meant to be.

    If so, would you apologize to that person if you had the chance?
    There is no such thing as ‘if you had the chance.’ You make the choice to apologize or not. You know the person’s number, their email, where they live and how to mail a letter. The apology rests entirely on you.

    Or, were you the one who got their heart broken?
    Karma is a bitch. Now the person that broke my heart- really that man broke my spirit- is getting married. When I heard about the engagement, I felt- in that instant- like someone stabbed me in my chest.

    Would you appreciate an apology from your ex for wronging you?
    If I see him, I would want to spit in his face, but I have class, so I wouldn’t do that. He apologized multiple times. Problem is that didn’t change who he was/is as a person.

    What’s the hardest breakup that you’ve ever gone through?
    That one.
    How long did it take for you to recover?
    Years- I was doing well, but that engagement thing threw me off for a bit. I’m ok with it now though, God works.

    How long does it take for you to realize that a relationship is toxic and you need to call it off?
    There is no time limit to determine this. But I will add something. My ex cheated. I didn’t leave him for cheating, I left him for not telling me that he cheated (2nd/3rd time). My threshold for leaving was based on 1 principle. If I stayed with that man just one more day, it would signify that I loved him more than I loved myself. And damnit, I love me some R.e.D!

    Would you ever take back someone that did you wrong and finally realized it?
    It’s really not about NOT taking the person back, it is not about how sorry they are or how sincere the apology. You have to determine whether or not the apology is a reflection of inward change and not just b/c someone felt ‘bad’ about hurting you. It is simply a matter of whether or not you can take off the blinders of love and see whether the individual as a whole is the best person for you in the LONG term. People, we have to stop that short term thinking.
    Forget how good the sex is -there will be a time when we can’t have sex- you will get erectile dysfunction and my libido will tank after menopause.
    Forget how nice our bodies are- my breasts will start to sag after I have your children, my stomach will no longer be flat, my vagina won’t be as tight. Through it all you still need to love me. Forget the 2/3 rule- in fact piss on that 2/3 rule even now (men are pigs).
    Forget how fine you may think he/ she is- My skin will wrinkle, you stomach will hang over..

    What did you think of my flip of Jay’s song?
    I didn’t like it. Perhaps, I should be more politically correct- so forgive my bluntness. You asked.
    Keep trying though, you have loads of talent, so I am sure you can improve.

  • Lyndon

    It’s very genuine, especially considering I don’t like giving power away to anyone. It ain’t easy for me to put my fuck-ups in bag and ask for forgiveness. But when and if I do, I mean it.

  • chuck taylor

    Psychologists believe that confessions and apologies help nobody bu t the person that committed the indiscretion, serving as a relief of guilt. They rarely help the recipient of the apology.

  • Lyndon

    I can see that.

  • saaah

    hurting from the breakup of my first ever relationship so this post was on point. need closure and dont know how to get it, we ended so suddenly and i never got to know why…. how do i move on and realise it wasnt my fault?

  • DIRadioCast

    @NakedWithSocks That’s a good one Ans

  • Wmofyr

    Usually, if the guy did me wrong I be thinking that he has no feelings at all. But… I think even the jerks may have had some feelings about things. Some of them be shocked when things break off. Some have done some silly stuff or mild stalking. But I think a man has to have a heart for it to break. Who knows. (Of course men have hearts, they just don’t always know where it is, lol… or how to deal with it, I guess.)

    I’ve had my heart broken by cheating. And some feelings get hurt, by cold acting guys. My thing is to have my say and create some closure on a breakup.

  • paulette_bajan_gal

    I actually think some man hold unto that ish longer than women.Even if they’re not trying to resume the relationship…they wanna stay eating the cookies.Last year I changed my number.lol.i just was like…no matter how much I say don’t call or text me or tried to ignore that was the only way to get the message across that I was DONE.Especially since cats will straight out break your heart and then be trying to be BFF with benefits.

  • prettygirlndmv

    @NakedWithSocks now I try to recognize “deal-breaking” behavior/actions early on when possible

  • R.e.D

    I woke up and re-read that last part and I realized that was really harsh. When I criticize your writing (songwiting in this case) or anyone’s comments, it is usually meant in a constructive manner, not in a hurtful one. That last part came out wayy too hard and I apologize.

  • QuoteMan

    Song cry = masterpiece

    the flow, the delivery, the production and of course, the lyrics. There was a line or two that innately resonated with many people I knew. In some cases a verse. I had a breakup that was so accurately told in the last verse that I had it on repeat for hours.
    This was a time I’d say I was emotionally misguided, perhaps – not unavailable. Right or wrong, this is how it was with this one relationship. No matter how much of a progress we made, breakup-to-makeup always seems to be fated in the near future. Each time we broke up, she always came back – regardless of what I did to her. Which gave me all the more reason to believe that this breakup was no different than the others – but I was wrong. This time, it went on for weeks on end (usually 5 days top). Then I caught wind that homegirl got a new dude. A more “mature” dude is what she told friends. Maaaan, I can’t even begin to explain the sick feeling that news brought me.

    Long story short – after nursing a broken heart – I got back on my feet just in time for her to try to make a comeback but she was history to me and I wasn’t having that. My pride wouldn’t let me, albeit having some kinda feelings for her.

    “Word back home is that you had a special friend
    So what was oh so special then?
    You have given away without gettin at me
    That’s your fault, how many times you forgiven me?
    How was I to know that you was plain sick of me?
    I know the way a n*gga livin was wack
    But you don’t get a n*gga back like that!
    Shit I’m a man with pride, you don’t do shit like that
    You don’t just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that
    You don’t throw away what we had, just like that …………….”

    Couple that with the extended version, then you’ve my story.

    “………so ma, if you’re drunk off love, I suggest you get over it. Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it”
    It was wrong on so many levels but it felt good that I had the last laugh, sort of. But considering, how far in time I’ve come, I owe a lot to that relationship.

  • http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com/ tiffany

    “Song Cry” is my ****. I was just listening to this Sunday and remember driving off from an ex singing it to the top of my lungs. Oh wait…focus on the post. I dated a guy for 5 years and when I broke up with him because I just wasn’t ‘there’ anymore he was devastated. He called constantly. It was a mess. This was 2003. He sent a text today of my old college ID which creeped me out because that in itself was 10 years ago. Guess he’s still pining for the ol gal :)

  • QuoteMan

    If I had to apologize to anyone though, it’d be this one girl. What happened was, she was catching feelings kinda quick so I broke it off. It would have been ok except that I had a girl at the time so I told her the truth why we could no longer do this. To make matters worse, she was newly separated. Though she was upset and rightfully so, she still wanted us to continue with what we had – I but couldn’t. So I kept ignoring her phone calls till she stopped calling.

    This is one of the biggest sins I live with today. I have no contact of her to even send an apology (it lasted about just a month).

    Initially, I wasn’t going to mention this but I changed my mind. I pray I’m forgiven cuz the person I am today is a far cry from “that dude”…………………. This was 6 yrs ago.

    One.

  • Rastaman

    Several years ago I came to the realization that there are women who operate from the perspective that men have no feelings. They will make callous remarks; belittle men’s expressing of sensitivity or mock male emotions as being disingenuous. I see a strain of that in some of the female comments.

    The only problem is men without feelings don’t love, they lack that capacity. So if you are convinced men lack true feelings why are you wasting time trying to be in relationships with us?

    I have dated women like this and they never fail to show their true colors because truth be told they don’t see men as full human beings. This type of behavior is not exclusive to women because I have also encountered a lot of misogynistic men. They share a lot with these women, as they too don’t see women as human beings either.

    There are a lot of assholes out here causing pain to others in relationships and believe me they are not all men.

  • Naomi

    Thank you. I take it one therapy session at a time. Lol

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    All good. I may not know you and vice versa but what I do know is that R.E.D. will be R.E.D. whether you like it or not.

    I liked the remix because the words meant/mean something to me and at the end of the day that’s all that matters.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Well, first you have to look back and see if it wasn’t your fault. Not saying that it was because I don’t know the circumstances of the split but you should use the time now to reflect. You can see what you did wrong, if anything at all, as well as what he did wrong and use that info to move on in your next relationship, whenever that will be.

    In terms of closure and answers to the question of why, only the two of you can figure that out. He may not want to talk to you or answer truthfully, and if that’s the case you have to find/make your own closure. Throwing out mementos, deleting numbers and Facebook, whatever…. Only you know what that’ll take to feel like you’ve moved on.

    Good luck.

  • D

    Well I know that I broke one man’s heart..my ex husband. We got married young before I really knew what I was getting into and unfortunately we decided to go ous seperate ways. I still haven’t gotten over it (we divorced almost 3 years ago) and I know that it hurt him deeply. I can recall one night when I was being a complete b*$h to him and he was upset. We were laying in bed and I just rolled over and pretended to go to sleep…a little while later I heard him crying. I continued to lay there and do nothing…it was a continous downward spiral after that. He was always a gentleman to me, put me on a pedestal, and showed me love in every way possible. Even in our divorce and after he never spoke an unkind word to me. Last year I called him on the phone and apologized for being selfish, unloving and many other things during our marriage. We had good times but I know that the majority of the bad times were my fault. I didn’t apologize to him solely because of guilt, I apologized because I wanted him to know that I recognized my role in our breakup and that I was finally adult enough to own up to it. That was the hardest breakup that I’ve been through. I’ve had other men break my heart but I doubt any of them realized it. If one of them was to apologize to me it wouldn’t change the hurt that they gave me. The timing thing is so true..if I had met my ex-husband now vs. a few years ago I have no doubt that we would be a lot happier than we were before. So in that regard, I think that I would take back someone that realized they did me wrong, if, they could show that they weren’t trying to repeat what hurt me in the first place.

  • Nikki

    Ya lost me on the story but the final point is DEAD ON!!

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    This is a very interesting point that you bring up.

    Less than 5 years ago, I was talking with a close friend and this very subject came up. She mentioned something to me about men having feelings, and I said “I didn’t know that men had feelings.” She laughed for a long time (and still does from time to time), mostly because of my naivete. The fact that I didn’t know that men had feelings was genuine.

    Some men feed into that stereotype by acting in certain ways. I also know that my upbringing contributed to why I believed that. (Most of the time,) I wasn’t trying to be a dirtbag when I said certain things to men though; I genuinely thought that men didn’t have feelings and that I could, therefore, say whatever I wanted because it’d roll off like water off a duck’s back.

    And I’ll correct myself for a second: I thought that men only had horny feelings. That’s it. Besides that, I didn’t know they had feelings.

    Maybe like some men, some women just wanna get their rocks off; maybe what they REALLY wanna do is done under the facade of a relationship. In that case, maybe those types belong together. I’m far from an expert so….. *shrug*

  • Elle

    You are right. He did do me a huge favor. My life as I know it now would not have been possible had everything gone the way I thought it did.

    I am unsure as to whether or not I have forgiven. But I certainly don’t care anymore.

  • Elle

    Oh men do have feelings: hunger, thirst, itching balls, and they even cry when their team loses.

    J/K

    Of course, men have feelings. What most of them do not know is to how to take a long hard look in the mirror. Many men I have encountered do not take responsibility for their actions – not fully. They may see parts of what they did but will totally disregards the rest, sometimes the main thing. They are not being honest with themselves and therefore not with anyone else.
    Example: how do you apologize for being cold and callous after the breakup (justifying it with wanting to protect yourself) but fail to acknowledge the fact that you lied and cheated while you were still in a relationship? Showing your ass after a breakup is sort of expected. But lies and betrayal do not belong in a relationship. THAT is what I would have liked to get an apology for. But I guess we don’t always get what we would want.

    Both men and women need to search for their answers within themselves, or maybe in God. Whatever works for the individual. However, constantly seeking to fill the void one person left by sexing others, rushing into relationships or keeping oneself busy with partying does not work in the long run. That’s the behavior which appears to others as having no feelings.

  • jaclynsd

    Sad but true. Its easy to let and forget dudes that did you wrong cause to me you act like you have no feelings…then i forget you have feelings. Keep it keeping on.

  • jaclynsd

    A guy apologized to me and went point by point on what he did wrong. It was heartfelt and honest. I could see and sense it. So even though i never expected an apology, it did a lot for me when he did it. I forgave him and we’re good now. We’re not together but it showed growth on both our parts. One willing to admits his mistakes and another willing to forgive and move on. So you never know it may help both if of course you know its genuine. Maybe chicks didnt feel it was genuine from Lyndon…but what do i know.

  • jaclynsd

    Have you ever broken someone’s heart? yes

    If so, would you apologize to that person if you had the chance? I did. We were together for many years and although he cheated I knew that we both had our part in the destructing of the relationship. So I couldn’t see him take all the blame. He just put the nail in the coffin sort of speak. If you don’t see your part in it you can’t grow so I had to be woman enough and admit my part so…I apologized.

    Or, were you the one who got their heart broken? Yup, I’ve gotten my heart broken. Twice

    Would you appreciate an apology from your ex for wronging you? Got it from one. It was fine the other not yet but I’ve cut all ties so would it make a dif? Prob if it was genuine, I can sense bs a mile away.

    What’s the hardest breakup that you’ve ever gone through? Breaking up after 7yrs and 10yrs of friendship, it literally felt like he died. Who was this person, he was my lover, family, best friend and he broke my heart.

    How long did it take for you to recover? Lets see that was 10yrs ago and it gets easier each day ;) j/k But maybe because we had a child together or maybe because I didn’t heal or try to heal right away. Just pushed it all in and didn’t think about it till years later. Now its just a memory and a lesson learned.

    How long does it take for you to realize that a relationship is toxic and you need to call it off? Now within a few weeks. You can tell if a person likes drama real fast.

    Would you ever take back someone that did you wrong and finally realized it? One of the two realized it and NO didn’t take him back. It needed to end and he should of realized what he did back then not now. Too late. As for the other person…not sure.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    “Oh men do have feelings: hunger, thirst, itching balls, and they even cry when their team loses.
    J/K”

    BWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    The rest of what you said, my sentiments EXACTLY.

  • R.e.D

    You are right- at the end of the day, what it means to you is really the only thing that matters.

  • Rastaman

    Also if you are a woman who does not acknowledge that men do have feelings too you are probably only drawn to the callous men. The one’s who are never honest with themselves or with you. They don’t have a conscience so they see no need acknowledge lying or cheating.
    I told a female friend a long time ago that while it is important how a man treat you as is lady. The best insight of who he is truly is how he treats others, service workers, associates, etc. Because it indicates how he will eventually treat you.

  • http://buttaflydiaries.blogspot.com/ BlacqButtafly

    Love this post, Love the flip! We (women) know our men have feelings too but it is oh so sexy when you express them, which is why most of us love Jay’s song. A lot of times, just hearing that you’re sorry and that you know you know you messed up gives us that closure that we need. I can speak for myself when I say, all I need is to hear this from the one who shattered my heart in a million pieces, but I doubt if I ever will……..

    He and I were in a relationship for 10 years and had a daughter together within our first year. We had crushes on each other from grade school through high school, where we finally got together. Things were wonderful in the beginning (as they almost always are) but soon, the cheating and abuse (verbal & physical) began. It didn’t take long for him to commit the ultimate act of betrayal: 4th year in, he had a baby by someone else. You wanna talk about heartbreak?? THAT is a hurt I never want to feel again and wouldn’t wish on my….well, maybe I would wish it on her just her….but, uhhh, yeah, the pain is indescribable. Anyway, I chose to forgive and stay with him (BIG MISTAKE) and life with him was hell for the next 6 years. His babymama was always in the picture, somehow, some way so I finally decided it was time for me to break out. Not long after I broke up with him, was he hooked up with her and although I didn’t want to be with him again, it hurt me to know (or see) he was with her. It took me a good 7-8 years to really get over that pain and move on. But even today, a small part of my heart still aches (they are still together).

  • Roxanne Rhooms

    It might seem too unreal to be true, but like the bit of fat that lives around my midsection its true. It was summer of 08 when we met and everything was just too good, he was more than just a summer fling he was the one I loved. I was never the one to show emotions at all but there was something about this guy that I couldn’t help but be attracted to. We spoke everyday for more than 14 hours he was more than my fulltime job, we did everything from the good to the naughty to doing the good and naughty things in place where we had no business being. He was the first and still the only man that I have ever loved besides my father and my brothers, I was the first girl who he had ever really opened up to, the first girl he have his heart to, I was the one he leaned on when his mom wasn’t acting the way she was suppose to. I was the one. The one time I’ve ever really lied, I lost the man of my dreams and my reality, we broke up at the end of December In 2009 we haven’t spoken since, the break up was really hard for me, I spent my days and nights crying, I got recommended to see a psychiatrist because slowly I was slipping into depression and it lasted for 3 months. With 2 years of having no contact with him, and I mean no contact; I didn’t see him for 2 years I didn’t hear from him, it was almost like he never existed…December of 2010 I say got a glimpse of his facebook and with the encouragement of my girlfriends and my cousin I wrote him a letter. This letter sat on my dresser until the 6th of January 2011, until I mailed it. This letter was filled of all the things that I need to say but never did, all things I was holding in when I should have let them out, this letter was my “letter cry” I told myself if I got a response then I knew what I needed to do, and if I didn’t then I knew what I needed to do. Today is the 21st of February and I didn’t get a reply so I know what I need to do; there will always be a place on my heart with his name over it like a child’s cubby in kindergarten where his things will belong; but until that day comes or if it never does I will always remember what we had and how good it was.

  • http://morningquickie.com/ Morning Quickie

    If you want to avoid breaking someone’s heart, but still get them out of your life, here are some great tips: http://morningquickie.com/2011/02/24/how-to-dump-5-easy-steps-dear-john-break-up-letters/

  • helloimdonna

    How u doin’ saaah? I just ran across this post ~ hope you are feeling better..i am “going through” as well, pretty fresh…i am obsessing with checking my cell, my email…waiting, hoping to hear something…closure..t’would b nice…but don’t see it coming..i am sad and hurt ~ hope this finds you in a better place one month post ~ Best wishes..

  • TigerLily

    Oh God.
    I usually avoid replying to posts like this because they make me feel sorry for myself.
    Anyway, I think the first thing to ask is what you mean by “breaking someone’s heart”. I saw someone who wanted to apologize becuase she refused to go out with a guy who was passionately in love with her. How is that breaking a heart? Yes the person nay feel hurt, but they took a gamble and once you do that, you should expect the unexpected.
    Personally I think breaking someone’s heart means cheating on them, breaking up with them for no reason, making them your second best because the one you wanted isn’t emotionally available, being emotionally distant and so on.

    “Have you ever broken someone’s heart? If so, would you apologize to that person if you had the chance? Or, were you the one who got their heart broken? Would you appreciate an apology from your ex for wronging you? What’s the hardest breakup that you’ve ever gone through? How long did it take for you to recover? How long does it take for you to realize that a relationship is toxic and you need to call it off? Would you ever take back someone that did you wrong and finally realized it? What did you think of my flip of Jay’s song?”

    Read more about What Was the Worst Breakup You Ever Had? | Naked With Socks On on:
    http://nwso.net/2011/02/08/breaking-someones-heart/#comments?utm_source=INK&utm_medium=copy&utm_campaign=share&

    Have I ever broken someone’s heart ? No.

    If so, would I apologize to that person ? Yes. I’ve been called ultra – sensitive so I always try to put myself in the other person’s shoes so I could avoid hurting them. It’s this weird thing where I try to make sure nobody feels my pain. But if I did hurt someone, I would apologize.

    Were you the one that got your heart broken ? Yes.

    How long did it take for you to recover ? Well the break happened in my first year, and I’m in third year of uni. now and I’m still not completely over it.

    How long does it take for you to realise that a relationship is toxic and you need to break it off? A few days. After intense brain storming.

    Would I appreciate an apology from my ex? Goats are interested.

    What’s the hardest breakup you’ve ever gone through?
    My hardest breakup was my only breakup and it’s always a long story, but anyway the long and short of it was that before he met me, he liked one of my friends and asked her out, but she said no. So I met him and he asked me out , and I said yes, thinking he didn’t have any feelings for her anymore. Btw, I asked both of them and they both said that there were no feelings for the other person. Some people say I should have known that they would lie but how was I to know?
    Anyway, when we first started going out, he would put us on suspension every week (ie. let’s go on a break, I’m not sure about this , etc.) This happened twice, and everytime I was so confused.I had never gone out with anyone before so I just didn’t know what was going on. I absolutely refused to take him back the second time, but eventually I did anyway.
    So after that , we were cool for a bit but we still had issues cos he wouldnt say ANYTHING to me. He would just eat, go on facebook and sleep and everytime I confronted him about it, he would claim that he was just shy.
    Anyway after some time he asked my friend out again while we were going out.I found out, and basically he’s my ex now. He and my so -called friend went out for a bit, but they didn’t last. He’s dating another girl now but I know that he seriously has issues because last year he tried to get me to do stuff with him by telling me he had broken up with his present girlfriend. Only for me to find out later that they never broke up.

    Would you ever take back someone? No. My paranoia would sting me to death before I even considered it. I think I belong to that category of people who never forgive and never forget. I’m ok with not forgetting, but I would really love to be able to forgive easily. I don’t believe that people don’t know when they are breaking a person’s heart. Most do. So that stuff about “finally realizing it” is bullshit. They realized that they were doing someone wrong from the beginning. They just didn’t want to stop.

  • Artemis Fowl

    I’ve injured a few because they were in an emotional space I just wasn’t(disinterest, in love with someone else, agendas off). Others have hurt me. It’s a back & forth thing. You have to learn how to improve your emotional investment skills. That takes time & multiple disappointing outcomes to get right. 

  • Artemis Fowl

    I’ve injured a few because they were in an emotional space I just wasn’t(disinterest, in love with someone else, agendas off). Others have hurt me. It’s a back & forth thing. You have to learn how to improve your emotional investment skills. That takes time & multiple disappointing outcomes to get right. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4MG5K7UOCYM7GN4TH462BH4BFI Clint Brantley

    Wow, this hits home for me. I broke the one woman’s heart that I wished I could have repaired. I made her suffer for something another woman had done to me in a previous relationship. I really regret hurting her because I now know that she was the one that I believe GOD placed here for me to love, but I blew it acting like a fool and treating her like dirt. I have since gotten my payback with the recent breakup of woman that I was truly in love with. We lived together for five years and then it was over. I was preparing to kneel and ask to marry me… karma is truly a mother…

  • Garreth68

    Since when? Psychologists saying apologies don’t help?

    Those same people say that invalidation is highly damaging, and lack of acknowledgement when somebody has done something very hurtful is disastrous for interpersonal health. So that equates to an apology. Even if they don’t say the word “sorry”, some sort of acknowledgement that they realise what they’ve done and regret it, definitely helps the recipient.

    Ever had somebody whack you in the eye by accident? It’s natural for them to say “oh sorry”. Now imagine they whacked you, they know full-well they did, you say “ouch that really freaking hurt” and your eye is all bloodshot and you can barely see out of it, and the person just carries on as if nothing happened – you can’t honestly tell me that that’s just as good as an apology?
    (to the poster who suggested apologies don’t help)