How Many Sexual Partners is Too Much? (Numbers Game)

0 Posted by - February 21, 2011 - Dear NWSO, Relationships, Love & Marriage

Dear NWSO,

I randomly stumbled upon your blog and I love it even though most entries are for an older age group ’cause I’m 19 and a sophomore in college. I’ve had many sexual partners and compared to my friends my number is larger than theirs. I always practice safe sex and get tested but I’m scared that in the future a guy won’t marry me because of my number.

My question is: How many sexual partners should a woman have in their lifetime? Is it okay for guys to have a large number but not girls? Also, is it wrong to lie about your number when someone asks? And if your number is high does it mean you are a whore?

I enjoy sex but yet I find myself needing some type of advice or validation about it being okay to have sex with as many sexual partners as I want. Hopefully you can give me some advice on this topic. Thanks!

Dear Hot Girl,

Deep question(s) but it ties in to the panel discussion I’m having tomorrow night (hint, hint) about whether men view “Claire Huxtable” and “Nicki Minaj” women differently in terms of the sexual habits and HIV status. Information is at the bottom of this post, but I digress…

As far as your question about how many partners should a woman have in a lifetime; there’s no universal answer. It depends on the individual, who her future husband is and what the general attitudes are in the culture she’s living in. For argument’s sake, let’s assume it’s American culture, which generally looks down on women with too many (which is relative) partners, while men are praised for having a lot of sexual conquests. Is it fair? Hell no, but it’s par for the course based on the culture.

While I’m raised in this same culture I also understand there are different variables to consider. If a woman is in her mid 20s and already has 30+ partners I’m definitely going to give her the side-eye but I’ll also have some questions before casting her to the side. Like, when did she start having sex? The earlier you start, the more partners you’re likely to have, because we all know adolescent relationships have short life spans.

How many boyfriends did she have? Were these all committed relationships or short-lived flings? The answer to those questions would influence my response to her number. The same goes for whether or not she had a wild period of promiscuity in her youth and how long ago that was. If she’s only had two partners in the past three years then I can’t fault her (too much) for a wild past, because she’s shown that she’s slowed up and more importantly matured. But that’s just me, not everyone is as rational.

Now, is it wrong to lie about your number when someone asks? That kind of depends. I’m not an advocate of lying because if you start off a relationship by being dishonest; how can someone ever trust you? But at the same time, you don’t have to disclose personal information to someone you hardly know. Perhaps as things progress and look serious and if it’s that important for him to know you can reveal, but only if you want to. At the end of the day a man should be dating you for who you are not who you were.

For the record, having a high number of partners doesn’t make someone a whore, being a whore makes you a whore. Like I said earlier there are different variables that go into someone’s number that have to be considered. Some might say my number is high but I’ve been a non-virgin for over 18 years and spent a decade as a single man so that tends to put things into perspective for anyone that may initially raise their eyebrow. But if someone is giving blowjobs in alleyways and getting passed around at parties that’s when the whore title might be more applicable, but a “high” number alone wouldn’t determine one’s whoredom.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex, I’d hope that you do—otherwise what’s the point? The more important question is why you’re having sex and with whom. If you’ve had a lot of boyfriends cool, but you may want to analyze why your relationships don’t last. Are they only out for sex and once they get it they’re out. Or is your number high because you cheat or can’t commit? Those variables and how you’re having sex means more than how many people you’ve had sex with.

While it’s ideal to share yourself with people you care about, it’s your body and your sexual energy. I hope there is some sort of caring between you and whomever you choose to sleep with and you’re not just looking to validate yourself through men’s affection. Whatever you choose to do sexually I just ask that you continue to stay safe and protected. Safe sex is the best sex no matter how many partners you have.

Hopefully that helped.

How many partners are too much for you? Do you automatically disregard someone who has a high partner count without considering what variables went into that number? Do you think someone you’re dating seriously has a right to know how many people you’ve slept with? Would you lie about your number if asked? Why or why not? Would you feel hurt if someone dismissed you because of your past? Do you think there’s a double standard when it comes to an acceptable number of sexual partners for men vs. women? Do you agree that there’s more to being a whore than how many people you’ve slept with? Do you look at the number of people you’ve slept with and think it’s too high?

Speak your piece…

NWSO’S FEATURED ON A PANEL TOMORROW

Tomorrow yours truly will be taking part in Human Intonation’s next HIV-awareness panel, alongside activist Maria Davis, spiritual leader Shawna Marie, and NAESM’s Craig Cobb. The topic this time is “Are You Sleeping With Claire Huxtable or Nicki Minaj?” Basically, an honest discussion to see whether people decide on whether or not to sleep with someone based on how they look and what health risks that line of thinking causes.

If you’re in New York, come join the conversation tomorrow Wednesday, February 23 @ Dwyer Cultural Center – 258 St. Nichols Ave. @ 123rd Street. Doors open @ 6, event starts at 6:30, wine reception afterwards. RSVP: info@humanintonation.com

  • Rastaman

    I have only been with one person where the question of how many partners she may or not had was an issue of concern. Frankly I am not interested in being with a woman who is comparable to the local Mickey Ds. I am not interested in judging anyone’s personal choices but I am also not interested in being with a porn star, prostitute or stripper. We can be friends, I would even socialize with you but I am not looking to be your man/husband etc.

    I don’t as a rule ask women I am dating or interested in dating how many sex partners they have had. The only possible ways I envision that conversation being broached is if she brings it to the table or a third party is saying something that we need to clarify. As a part of that same rule, the number of my past sexual partners is generally not a topic of discussion. Those types of discussions have very little chance of ending well in my estimation because 9 out of 10 times somebody is going to be offended or hurt by the information.

    Everything in this life involves consequences and it is always important that young people understand that the things you do even when you are young will follow you for the rest of your life. People may forgive you for your actual or perceived transgressions but they will never forget. So be conscious of the choices you make and be aware that if you are not willing to stand up for your choices you may want to think about it before acting. As a woman it takes not much of an effort to get men to have sex with, analogous to me being profiled. All you have to do is show up and it will happen.

  • Amber

    What sucks is that its unfair for women to have more (10+) partners than men.

    Recently while at a bar for a an after work drink… me and one of my guy coworkers got into a conversation that led to the patrons around us getting invovled. I was shocked that the guys thought 5 partners was an appropriate number of sexual partners for a women to have!!! Not trying to tell all but I have girl friends whose numbers are in the 50s-60s (NOT ME; which is why I always thought my number was cool). I mean really 5 partners if a women is in her late twenties and starting having sex in high school??!!!

    In any case I would tell hot girl this…don’t tell your numbers and don’t ask a guy about his. Men try to act like they are cool about stuff but really they don’t want to know other men have been with thier woman.

    • AshCash

      I am sorry but I am a female and to me 5 is too many and 50-60 is just disgusting and pathetic. Some of your “girlfriends” are whores.

      • lady replying to prude

        You’re a prude. While I agree that 50-60 is whore-ish, I think you’re are crazy to think that 5 is too many. Sex is a fun and natural thing, when taken with precaution. How can anyone really enjoy sex with only 5 partners? Or really explore? Maybe you’re okay with being with one man for the rest of your life, but doesn’t mean other people have to think like you. If a woman wants more, than she should have it.

        • Ksjfdlk

          You’re an idiot. 

        • Shawn

          50-60 is sad, no wonder so many women are mentally unstable, emotionally wrecked and with issues.That/those women ‘joy-riding’ basically are individuals that care nothing about themselves, nor has a clue about god. 5 partners to a woman, still says no good!
           If she were in a relationship, a substantial one, and it ended, surely she will eventually move on. Other than that, she is promiscuous and loose. Women get interests easily, so once a wild child, always will be so………..
          You are quite low minded yourself and chances are, ‘sly’ too with what you are doing behind closed doors.

           

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=563093016 Maria Diana

            Yeah Shawn I’m sure it’s okay for you to have 50.  Or are you just pissed cause you barely get any?

            • chaz

              you are a whore with shit morals

        • Maxine

           LOL If you have to ask the question “How can anyone really enjoy sex with only 5 partners?” I truly pity you. I guess you can’t even wrap your head around the idea that someone could actually be  having hot, intense, kinky, uninhibited sex on a regular basis…just with the same person.You actually believe that those of us who are not out whoring our asses around to everyone in town must automatically be “prudes” who believe sex is unnatural, etc,  and cannot possible be truly enjoying sex with one person.  How very sad. 

          • pat

            Maxine, i think i love you! lol Where have you been!?

            • Fakefm62

              Wassup i just randomly came across this site bored but um im 15 and my girl friend is 14 she told me that she has had sex with “”5″” dudes oer the course of ONE year before she met me, oh and including the 19 YEAR old she fucked at 13…….. what do you think about that? and ive only had sex 3 three times, but shes had sex with those 5 guys multiple times.

              • No

                 She’s slutty.

                • Jen

                  Just stumbled onto this so I thought I’d throw in my two cents. I had a friend growing up who went through puberty at a very young age and was a “B-cup” by the third grade. Needless to say, she had to put up with a lot of shit being the only eight year old who looked like she was sixteen. Everyone was calling her a slut by the time she was 11 because she “looked the part.” Adolescence is a very hard time for anyone, and eventually she gave in to the stereotype (self fulfilling prophecy). She had sex for the first time at the age of twelve and had half a dozen partners before the age of 14 (we went to a really small school otherwise it might have been more). She was the classic problem child that always got in trouble at school and was in a constant power struggle with her mother.
                  Nine years later, we’re both twenty three now, she is a college graduate with a full time career in radiology, owns her own house, teaches swing dancing with her mother and is happily married to the guy she’s been dating for the past eight years. They just celebrated the birth of their first child and couldn’t be happier.
                  She is the most put together 23 year old I have ever met in my life and if anyone wants to call her a slut because of her past, well they can just go F##K themselves.

                  Also, you people are parents and you use the acronym LOL? We are adults, we have words, let’s use them.

      • Tammy1979newy

        shut up you moron, noone cares that ur a prude bitch, dont jundge people, you have no wright to say whats wright or wrong u probs just cant get none cuse ur aan ugly mole

      • huh..

        okay, let’s clarify something here.. a whore is someone who has sex for money, just because a woman has sex does not make her a whore.  if you’re being safe, if you’re not having sex with random people, if you’re having sex because you enjoy it… i don’t understand the problem here

        • Jen

          Our society uses many terms much too loosely. So true, sex is part of human nature, safety is pretty much the only thing that should set the standard in my opinion. And I guess since it takes two people, having a mutual understanding of the situation before it happens is pertinent as well.

      • M Hussain93

        call plz 09752750041

    • dfasdfa

      damn 50-60? i think that’s sexy hahaha let me get their numbers i’ll help them add some numbers lol.

    • guest

      Having sex for a woman is extremly easy, shorten the skirt and answering yes are the only things to do.they do not proof the girls is interesting, seducing, or sexy, just that she has a mini skirt and that she does not say no.
      For a man having sex, mean you are able to seduce a girl , you should be more intelligent, more athletic, more seducing, more…” brat pit” than other men
      It is a prood of value
      for a girl it is a proof of unability to say no!
      As long as girl do not try to rape every man wearing short pants, that will be the rule!

      • what’s the big deal?

        BAHAHAHA you’re an idiot. has it occurred to  you that this is no longer the 1950’s? as a woman, i can have you treat me to a nice dinner. if you’re not a total moron and reasonably attractive maybe i’ll get a few orgasms out of it too. then, i’ll never call you or respond your calls again. you wanna know why? because women don’t need men anymore, we take care of ourselves just fine thank you very much. i’m not going to commit to just any fucktard who thinks he’s brad pit, it takes something deeper than that. but shit, everyone likes to get laid,why not have some fun until i stumble into mister right?
        safe, smart, casual, fun sex. 

        get over yourselves.

        • Ldh2764

          You’re likely a slut.

        • Jessileee

          OMG I love you so much!!! lolol amen sista, amen

        • GuestMe

          This is .. a slut.

      • SoNotaPrude

         Exactly.  It shows that a woman is not picky about what type of guy she lets inside of her.  How is the guy she’s supposed to marry feel about that?

      • Jen

        I think it’s funny that you are judging women for not being able to say no. When has a man ever been able to say no? I mean, come on. We are all sexual beings, we all have sexual drives. I think the thing we should be considering here is standards. What kind of girls are you walking up to? I take sex fairly casually but I would never just bang a guy because he came up to me in a bar. Not all women who have slept with multiple people lack the ability to say no. It is a very modern world we live in, one where women have every right to make the same decisions that a man would. I’m not standing around waiting for the guy to choose me, I make the decision on who I say yes to, not him.
        However, I am going to judge a man for having too many sexual partners. Most men lack respectable standards and will sleep with any girl at the bar who “doesn’t say no.” I like a guy who keeps to a higher specification, if I find out you took home three different girls last week then your chances of “scoring” with me are absolutely zilch.
        .
        On a side note, it’s hard for me to
        take you seriously when you can’t even utilize built-in spell check. I’m pretty
        sure English class is a requirement for high-school graduation.
        However, if English isn’t your first language I can obviously understand.

    • AllKnowing

      I think everyone here proved you right. Don’t tell a man your number. Honestly mine is not high at all and I could care less if it was. I fall in love with someone and want to share it with them… But when I was younger I was more unstable… and a little bit more of a wild child. I think I changed… Some won’t… 

      50 or 60 is like 3 men per year for 12 years…. I don’t think that is SO CRAZY! I mean… granted I am not near that number but why judge that girl… Let her live her life. How many men have hit triple digits and gotten a pat on the back for that?! 

      • Normal Guy

        50 or 60 is like 5 or 6 partners per-year for 10 years.  6 new partners per-year?  A new one every 2 months for 10 years?!  
        Forget how American society views promiscuity, and think about basic personal health.  Condoms are NOT proof against STDs or pregnancy (check the Wikipedia pages on contraceptives/condoms).  Following “safe-sex” practices doesn’t mean just using a condom.  
        Do these types of people really pay for an STD test after every partner (every two months)?  I doubt it.  But supposing they do, will they explain their test results to the last few (strangers) they slept with?  Seems unlikely.  They’ve now endangered those around themselves, and only because they’re irresponsible or ignorant of the risks.Many STDs don’t show up on standard tests for 1-12 months after contraction, but can be passed on during that time.  Other STDs may never show symptoms, but can damage who they get passed on to (think broken testicles/ovaries, cancer).  A good friend of mine contracted Herpes from his first sexual experience *** while using a condom ***.  My point is, whether these numbers are considered “high” or “low” by societal standards is moot. These numbers are HIGH from a sexual health perspective, and these practices are exactly why everyone knows someone with a life-long STD.I agree that numbers alone shouldn’t be the sole determinant of one’s “sluttiness”.  What’s important is how often you move on to new partners, and whether you respect these relative strangers enough to reduce health risks before each one.  If you needlessly endanger those around you – whether as a bad driver or a sexually uninformed idiot – I’d say that’s grounds for being called a whole host of nasty names, “slut” among them.Just for reference (and since it matters to so many on this forum), I’m 27, male, have been sexually active since I was 15, and have slept with 11 women in my life.  3 of those were relationships that lasted over 2 years each, and 3 were what I would consider 1-night-stands.  With these numbers I’ve had almost non-stop, phenomenal sex for 12 years, with less than 1 person/year on average.  

  • Lyndon

    The “virtuous woman” thing is a myth. Shit… Even Mother Theresa was a prostitute at one point, and both Oprah and Maya Angelou used to get it in back in the day.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if women had MORE sex than men. It wouldnt be hard to do.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QRVUNZ2GVPVXBYAOHEKY2SRDLY Harvette Ellington

      I was told that a woman have just as many sex partners or more than men, I feel that if you can’t stay a virgin the rest of your life try keep it in the single digits.  The people who have the nastiest dispositions are promiscious male or female from what I have seen.  Now if you are violated you can’t help that but we are not speaking of that obviously.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    50-60
    damn are they still warranty at that point
    lol

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    See this is when I don’t think a double standard is that bad…I’m not dealing with no woman who partner number looks like the score at the Allstar Game.
    I’m not judging her but i believe in soul ties from intimacy. I don’t wanna be with someone who is soul tied to half of Charlotte.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=563093016 Maria Diana

      But it’s okay if your soul is tied to half of Charlotte right?

      • Knah Ydoom

        No it wouldn’t be okay, but I ask you: would you consider a serious relationship with/accept a man as a boyfriend, defacto partner or husband if he revealed to you (and wasn’t exaggerating like most guys do but was actually telling the truth) that he’s gone down on 15 women that weren’t his partners, and slept with 60 women all up? Why do women find it so hard to accept the fact that if you’re under 25 and you’ve had sex with more than 20 partners, while it doesn’t make you a slut or a whore, most men won’t consider you serious relationship/marriage material?

  • MsShaniNicole

    RT @NakedWithSocks: Sleeping with a lot of people doesn’t make you a whore, being a whore makes you a whore http://nwso.net/2011/02/21/how-many-sexu… …

  • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

    i don’t see the point in actually asking. 9/10 you’re gonna get lied to, and if you get the truth, one’s ego will get in the way.

    so long as you’re clean, and you aren’t screwing dudes on the low…it’s whatever. *shrug*

  • da ThRONe

    Numbers aren’t as important as the person. Ever journey will be the same for everybody. Some people have to wild out to find themselves. I think the key thing is being safe each and every time.

    I don’t buy into double standards. I will advise my son to wait just as much as I would my daughter.

  • Chrissy

    IMO if someone ask you about your number it is most likely important to that person. They might want to date soemone whose values are similar to their’s and a person who has a high count is not that person. Instead of lying it’s just better to say you dont want to give that information up and let that person decide.

    I dont know what is too high or anything but Im more interested in how the numbers came about. But then that would mean people would have to tell truth….and when it comes to sex that’s not going to happen.

    I have a question though, if it is okay for someone to have sex with a whole lot of people then why is cheating such a big deal in relationships? I mean it doesn’t make sense to expect fidelity from a person who has sex with a lot of people. I also do not understand why open relationships are looked down upon. A lot of people say they dont want to share, but they have already been sharing the person they were with long ago. Maybe someone could help me out?

    • CraZyGirL

      A relationship is between 2 people and they should both be expected not to cheat! It doesn’t matter how many people someone has been with, when you commit to someone you should be faithful to that person and let the mistakes of both pasts go. No one is perfect. If we were we would all have only been with one person and married to them before we had sex. Everyone’s life is different and they do things and deal with things differently.

  • Belve10

    Opposing view.. I don’t want a chick who hasn’t had any real world experience when it comes to sex. I know I am of the minority view on that one but I was married to a “less than a handful” count and while teaching and watching her learn had its advantages if also made things boring. This also came into play later in the relationship as her sexual appetite was no where near mine.

    My advice.. don’t ask for the guys number and don’t tell yours. If asked, judge carefully because a man that asks that question is usually going to have a fragile ego.

  • JC

    I generally don’t ask because I really don’t care. Yes a persons past will shape them into who I come across but it is in their past. Why should it bother me?

    I am one of those women that sees nothing wrong with experiencing sex and all the joy that comes from it and that is saying a lot because I had a very rough start and had to learn to like sex. And all I will say is…practice makes perfect ;-)
    In all seriousness when I meet a man and I am interested in getting to know him I am more curious about his last relationship and why it ended and what he learned than how many people in total he has had sex with.

  • ms.virgo

    When I was in h.s I went through my phase of promiscuity but now that I’m older I keep a don’t ask don’t tell policy and even if someone does ask it’s none of their gosh darn business.
    To homegirl YOUR number is YOUR number if you need validation for what you’re doing maybe you shouldn’t be doing it

  • ms.virgo

    Wait people who had multiple sexual partners can’t be faithful? That’s a bunch of bs
    Cheating is an act of dishonesty and disloyalty it has nothing to do with anything a person had going on in the PAST!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QRVUNZ2GVPVXBYAOHEKY2SRDLY Harvette Ellington

      I think that is a way for an amoral person to point the finger.  Just because you haven’t had many sex partners doesn’t make you innocent or good.

  • MonaLisa

    I learned the hard way about disclosing my number. A few years ago I was involved with a guy that I had been involved with from high school. In high school I was a good girl and half a virgin when we were together, so for him to find out that I had recently been gettin it in made him see me differently. We continued with our relationship but I will never know how my telling him effected us.
    Your number shouldn’t be important to the person that you are seeing unless you are out being a whoremonger at that present time. As long as your promiscuous ways are in the past, you grew from it, and you are STD free, than it should be of no concern to your currentt partner. My past helped shape the person that I am today (who would we all be w/o life experiences?) but I am not my past.

    • No

       I always loved the argument that having sex with lots of men in the past has made you the person the great person you are today.  Not true.

  • Lyndon

    Her questions made PLENTY sense to me. Although I think men and women’s number of partners reach foolishness numbers for different reasons, the bottom line is promiscuityl is at the root a lack of self discipline and value.

    Who are you more inclined to trust? Be real

  • Silly Me

    This is ridiculous. If he has a problem with the number of men she slept with he should NOT ask. Point blank period. None of his b.i. Secondly, what does are you sleeping with Claire or Nicki mean?? Makes no sense. Apples & Oranges, not even same generation, and is it supposed to be a metaphor for wife material vs promiscuous chic?

    • Trustyercape

      you are an idiot. Point blank period? if people are honest with each other everything is that persons business. i have slept with countless whores,sluts,tramps,local targets and doorknobs and ill sit here and say that i have regretted all of em. They conspired with me to use em like the rag in the bottom of a teenage boys closet that he gets a nut on.but now i have fallen for one of my oldest friends who happens to be one of those rags that me and my friends used and it is making me crazy. i love her and despise her ans the only reason i still see her isnt because i love her-she is the only person ive ever loved and im almost 40,and ive also screwed every bitch that would stand still for 8 minutes within 150 miles-im still here cus i dont want her to feel the way i do about her past. ive screwed her stepsister,got a bj from her other stepsister,shes slept eith both of my sisters exes and anyone else in town that had a bottle of whiskey r a dose of meth and some how i love her,i think i must,but she makes me sick too. im as dirty as she is,still yet i despise her entire life now that i fell for her. im seriously considering killing some of the guys ive heard call her names and give her hell over the years but they are right and i hate it.

      • Dasisgut

        If a woman is “conspiring” by having sex with you, then why bother? Oh, right, getting your member wet and done is important so you can call her names after. While I agree that is gross, I cant believe you are that ignorant. A genuine woman can do what she pleases and is no whore. What scares me about some women is their desire to sleep around to the point that her downstairs is loose enough to fit a human head in. However, you seem to be the biggest whore, claiming you’ve slept with so many women; even if I didn’t know that I would be able to tell in a heartbeat. Have fun with your doorknobs and whatnot.

    • guest

      Because if the number is “high” girls usually lie on it

  • B!

    I wanted to ask this question as well. What is a “Claire Huxtable” and what is a “Nikki Minaj” ? What’s the difference and what does it mean?

  • Lyndon

    Really? This has to be one of those “I know the answer, I just wanna hear him say it” questions.

  • B!

    Errrr, no. Not everyone grew up in America so not everyone knows who or what Claire Huxtable is and what she represents.

  • Amber

    It really wouldn’t

  • JC

    The line means (and this is just for me and how I view my life) that I have taken into account my past and reflect on what I did and who I associated with and how it has brought me to my current place in life but I am not the same person.

    I believe that once change has taken a hold of you and you evolve with it you will always be a PART of your past. The part that reminds you what was good and bad about it.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Why don’t you come to the panel discussion and find out and see how the varying ideologies compare and contrast. :)

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    You too. Come on out and voice your objections in person. Can’t giveaway the dialogue away early. Lol.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Wait, what? You have no idea who Claire Huxtable is–regardless of the UK or not? Y’all never heard of Bill Cosby or the Cosby show? Wow! The incomparable Phylicia Rashad is unknown overseas? I know it’s an American show but constantly on reruns and a Black family classic, Stateside at least.

    Are you a person of color?

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    That is very much his buisness…I need to know how much risk is involved with sleeping with you. When you sleep with someone you are sleeping with every person they slept with…I need to know if your numbers come back as a small neighborhood or an entire city

  • Corey

    Cheating and having a large number of partners are not necessarily correlated. Having a high number of partners and liking sex ARE. A person could have never had a significant other and therefore be unable to cheat and still have a high number of partners.

  • Corey

    I really don’t pay so much attention to the raw number as much as I do HOW YOU ATTAINED said number. If you’re picking them up 8 at a time, Houston we have a problem! As long as you’ve slowed down and learned something from it and it’s not TOOOOO much, I’m not even tripping. Those who live in glass houses people, those who live in glass houses.

  • Corey

    I got a question for the fellas on here. Let’s say you meet the perfect woman. I’m talking smart, funny, ambitious, accomplished and straight up FINE! You’re personalities match and all that good stuff. You dig deeper and she tells you she used to get it in back in the G, but she slowed up about 3 years ago. What’s the move?

  • http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan

    To the 19 year old: Continue to have sex with caution. Safe sex is really only safer; regardless of the precautions taken there’s a good chance you’ll end up HPV and an abnormal pap smear. But don’t freak out. Also, condoms can only do so much. Until someone invents a latex body suit you’re still at risk for herpes (can get it from skin-to-skin contact). Oh yeah, you’ll probably get tired of protected sex and slip up and do it raw every now and then…it’s great. Thankfully Planned Parenthood and community clinics offer morning after pills for free or reduced costs (assuming republicans don’t f that up).

    And don’t worry how your “numbers” are viewed. If you’re still single in your late 20s or early 30s I don’t see many (mature) men asking. At that age most people assume and accept that we all have some miles on us.

  • NaeSoBitchy

    Number do matter!! I wanna know ya number b4 we take it there. Numbers says a lot about a person, 1-15 not so bad, But 30s 40s n 50s hell no!! Bcuz its obvious u don’t give a damn about ya self if you’ve laid down with that many people! You only get 1 body! Cherish it!

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    That whole “my past shaped me but that’s not who I am” line is bull. If you aren’t who you were than what are you? To parapharse d’angelo from The Wire just because somebody says they are different don’t mean they are.
    You are what you have done right or wrong. Change is a process not an event. So saying that you’ve changed is bs. WWE legend Eddie Guerraro said this and it’s the truth.
    “I’m not alcohol free. I can’t promise I’ll never drink again.I can only promise I won’t drink TODAY.” I respect folks that respect the game. If you was out there be real. I’m not gonna judge u but I will take note…
    Just being real

  • JC

    Or reevaluate the people you surround yourself with. This is not the first time you group together women negatively…One bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch and if it does…stop eating Granny Smith and try Red Delicious or vice versus…just saying

  • EntertainmentsFuture

    Being raised in a West Indian Christian household, Having one partner outside of your husband is one too many. However I try not pay attention to the number unless its excessively high. I remember talking to some of my classmates (females having sex talk) and when she was asked how many partners did she have, she was reluctant to respond, then she said she was “up there”, finally she gave us a figure saying “25+”. Then proceeded to say they were all her “homies” <—–WTF. I then found out she was the youngest out of all her siblings and had an absentee father, and a mother working numerous jobs to run their household. After hearing that a part of me felt a lil sorry for her.
    I have this other friend (a male), that I used to talk to. When this very conversation came up he did not want to get into it either in fear of being judged by myself and my BFF. When he finally answered, he revealed that he had 185 partners at that time, and that he started having sex @ 8 years old. Now I would be a liar if I said that number did not alarm me, and that I didnt see him in a different light. It was hard for me to move on with him with this info bothering me every single day. I started thinking "DAMN am I gonna be 186? Who keeps counting for that long?". He too was a child with absentee parents and plagued by a plethora of other issues.
    ** I later found out, the female I first mentioned is part of that 185**
    I am NOT saying that everyone with absentee parents have a high number of sexual partners (cuz I was raised by a single parent myself and do not have a high number). But they sure use it as an excuse..
    Its funny. Actually its sad. I have noticed that there is a double standard when it comes to that question. It seems ok for a guy to have a number through the roof and promiscuos when its a woman..Personally I think If you cant handle the response to the question of how many partners your mate has had, you should not ask it.

  • MonaLisa

    How can you say that someone saying that they have changed is bs? I’m sure it varies from person to person. Who you were when you were 18 should not be the same person you are when you are 25, meaning your maturity level and outlook on life should be a lot different. So if I was a ho at 18 (not me, just in general) and now I’m 25 and I’m telling you that i have changed, your saying that’s bs? It sounds like you just need someone to kick you off of your high horse…just sayin.

  • Lyndon

    Being free with her body is one thing… Never having had a serious long-term relationship says more. And if both apply chances are (man or woman)a relationship is just not his/her thing. And if you choose to go there with em, keep in mind it’ll be like trying re-wire an entire home. THey’ll have no idea how to function in a relationship. Too much work. And chances are they are too far gone

  • JC

    And what exactly is God doing without my desire to change that is going to enable my changing?
    Now, I’m not very religious and at the time I needed to make a change I did so when I had total disgust in thinking there was a higher being. So who was in control of my changing God or me?

  • YErdanos

    In my younger days the # meant alot as in dont screw too many people as you be considered a whore but nowadays I dont put that much weight on the number and No I dont want to know how many partners you had in your PAST.. Sex is alot different for me now at this age.. Mid 30s. Its enjoyable and I dont find it wrong to have as many partners as I want.. keepin it safe though. And ask me how many men I slept with you will get an answer of ..is it really revelant to now?… you dont like the answer please keep it movin. I dont have to explain to a man( who probably had way more partners than I ) on my #..

  • ladiesrndtable

    @NakedWithSocks Excellent question. Inequalities exist all throughout culture. Some in the favor of men, some in the favor of women

  • _CaliBred

    @NakedWithSocks men can sleep around cuz that’s how its been and women don’t trip about. Once women stop dating niggas with high numbers…

  • blackloverules

    I so appreciate Belv10’s pov. He echoes some of my guy friends who are with “good” girls, yet seek out sexually experienced women as jump offs and in some cases new girlfrieds. It seems to me that the Madonna/Whore complex is alive and well among many brothers. I’m sort of surprised, given the age we’re in. I would think it challenging to have a lady in the streets/freak in the sheets if she has no clue how to do the freak side…I realize that I’m older than most on the site (I’m 41) but I think discussing numbers at all is just unimportant and can lead no where good–and NWSO made me realize it’s almost been over 25 years of being a non-virgin for me–I stopped “counting” in my 20s…seems sort of juvenile. Protect yourself, know yourself and most of all respect yourself. Numbers mean so little.

  • _CaliBred

    @NakedWithSocks but I don’t want a novice either I will take the chick chris rock was talkin about “yeezy taught me, yeezy taught you well”

  • Harpista

    @NakedWithSocks This topic makes me so MAD.

  • JC

    I didn’t grow up religious. For the better part of my teen to early adult life God really had no bearing on what I did or didn’t do. God was something I knew of but didn’t understand.
    My desire to change came from the simple fact of wanting better for myself because that is what was instilled in me and being unhappy in my situation.

  • Rere

    Born in the uk and now in Canada they do know about the cosby’s pahlease.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    I don’t have a high horse to be kicked off of…now if a man was a pedophile at 18 and stopped and was now say 27..is he not still a pedophile …what I’m saying is that telling me u changed is like a person bragging on their sex skills…I rather see ACTION…I’m looking at how you are with me…but I believe in being duly informed of how you are/were…
    The core of you as a person tends to not chnage unless circumstances permit. True change comes from God…
    Justsayin

  • Rere

    Yes I’ve noticed some adults using it as an excuse. Grow up already. I’ve never met my father and was never promiscuous. Then had friends with two parent families that were slores from grade nine.

  • MonaLisa

    You can’t use a pedophile as an example, TOTALLY different. But yea I see what your saying because I also believe that to be true. The “all talk and no action” saying can apply to just about anything.

  • Andrea

    I made the mistake of telling an ex-boyfriend my number years ago and he threw it in my face every chance he got. But if I called him and said let’s get back together he wouldn’t think twice about it. In hins sight I wouldn’t tell anyone MY number. I know my know status and I take care of myself and that’s really all that matters.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Not trying to throw shade or make it into a spritual debate…but here’s my belief construct…
    God ,Jehovah,Allah, or whatever you believe wrote themselves into you. Case in point you know internally that killing your mother or sleeping with your father is wrong. So when making a change from something you know is not for you..your just in tune to what’s been written into naturally…it’s a combination

  • JC

    Just remember while you want to know all of her, she may not want to remember all of herself. Would you be ok with her saying “It is more than I would want.” ?

  • Lyndon

    Yeah, his point hit home with me too. I married a “good girl”. But seeking sex outside the marriage was a character issue (for me). It had little to do with her inexperience in the bedroom. If youre a cheater, youre a cheater.

    My problem came later in the marriage when I realized she hadn’t had the fair chance to experience other guys. I aint trying to catch a newbie anymore. Now the problem is, it seems even women are gaining experience so much sooner and at a retarded pace that I have to pause. Just recently it took me a whole week to realize I was dealing with a married woman. Women are adopting male principles and honestly it’s dog-eat-dog scene for both sexes. So at this point everybody’s just looking for a good time when at one time it was just us.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    What kills it with me is that in judging the woman. If i ask it’s because I want to know all of her. The best an the worst. I am a man that’s fair and I can be judged on alot As well
    I just appreciate honesty

  • da ThRONe

    I wouldn’t even ask a chick for her number. Unless we we’re on the subject and trust it wouldn’t be to judge her. I have a number of my own I need to be concerned about.

  • JC

    @ Lyndon, Thank you. People tend to forget that growing up is just that growing up. No one becomes an adult overnight and no one does it without stumbling.
    When I am living in present, looking forward toward the future please don’t make me think you regret my past more than I might already do is all I am saying.

  • Lyndon

    “Just remember while you want to know all of her, she may not want to remember all of herself. Would you be ok with her saying “It is more than I would want.?”

    JC,

    DAMN. Not only would I respect that… If I was ever hear a woman honest and open enought to say some shit like that…Damn. See, then and there, the fingerpointing ends and some grown folk shit BEGINS. That shit got me emotional…lol Real shit

  • blackloverules

    Lyndon and Preach I hear y’all, but like NWSO said earlier, I think, if you had a period of promiscuity or whatever, and you’ve dealt with those issues, the “number” could be unnaturally skewed and not reflective of your current mental health. I think that present actions in time will reveal all you need to know. Sharing backstory if the partners feel comfortable is fine, but that too is not the same as sharing some arbitrary number. There’s nuance in every life. And Lyndon, thanks for your honesty about cheating, you’re absolutely right, it’s a character issue–more than anything else.

  • JC

    Thankfully my number isn’t that high or anywhere near it, honestly. But I had a whole lot of stuff going on back then.

    @Lyndon, I never, ever say that my past doesn’t matter. It does matter to ME, but I chose to not make a deal out of what I can’t change. I’m at peace with what is back there.

  • http://sillysinglegal.blogspot.com Co Co

    I don’t care about your number as long as it doesn’t affect me. I feel that way about most of your past in general. I only need to know things that are relevant and can help me better understand you. If you’ve been responsible and you’re disease free, and you haven’t slept with my Mother, sister, or best friend then it doesn’t really matter.

  • JC

    My question is how much is going to be enough for him? Why do the details matter?
    I gave two men full disclosure and I had it thrown back in my face, constantly. To the point that my last ex thought I was cheating on him because I was friends with someone from my past and that I couldn’t handle “temptation”. The other one had nerve to tell his new girlfriend my business. Now I speak of the basic foundations of it. “I have one, it isn’t pretty, I come to you knowing a thing or two about people and life.” and that is usually the end of it.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    @JC I would respect that
    like I said I’m not the most high I’m not here to judge. I’m just a fan of backstory. I want to know the good and bad of you. Plus it helps me know how I need to react to you.
    Now I’ll be 100 on it
    a high number to me would me wonder about you but not say your a ho. It’s more i’m wondering what was happening back then,were you abused as a child, etc…due to me dealing with mental illness and past abuse I OVERSTAND the relation between our past and our actions…
    Feel me

  • Lyndon

    “OVERSTAND the relation between our past and our actions…”

    This is why it throws me when I hear women say my past doesnt matter. Truth is, if you have issues you haven’t dealt with, you aint ready for a relationship anyway. And you can’t rebut by saying simply “that was my past” because it’s obvious you have baggage you don’t wanna deal with

  • YErdanos

    I get what you are saying but why relive those baggages with someone new.. Yeah I agree work them out before but I still think the # of men I have been with is still none of your business. New chapter and lets move on.

  • B!

    Yes. I am a person of color and I know of the Cosby show. I know OF it.
    I have never really sat down to watch it however, therefore I do not know who the characters names are or what they are supposed to represent. Can you PLEASE answer the question now? You don’t need to go into specifics. Just give a few sentences.

  • Lyndon

    How can you have an HONEST relationship and NOT trust your dude enough to give him your story? Shame or no shame, wouldn’t he deserve that info (in due time maybe)?

  • B!

    But you just said people cant change and that people are still their past whether they want to or not. So you are affectively contradicting yourself. If people don’t change as you said, then you are effectively sayin that not even God can change them. Also, how can you say you would rather see action but not give them a chance to SHOW you that they have changed?

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Claire Huxtable is the wife of Heathcliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby). She’s the ideal American Black woman for some. Lawyer, firm and take no mess, while still sexy and attractive. the “good girl.”

    Nicki Minaj, is the sexpot, polar opposite of this generation.

  • Lyndon

    “I gave two men full disclosure and I had it thrown back in my face, constantly. To the point that my last ex thought I was cheating on him because I was friends with someone from my past and that I couldn’t handle “temptation”. ”

    Damn that sounds familiar… I would do some shit like that. Point taken

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    No I said that you are your past good of bad. Real change comes from within(spirtiually,faith,God,etc..).
    God can change anyone but even the most high operates within a system of rules. One being that even if you don’t succomb to your vices your always going to have issues you battle..everybody got issues

  • MonaLisa

    From past experience I highly disagree with telling someone that your involved about certain things in your past. Some skeletons are best left in the closet. I have told a guy things that, now, I totally regret and I have to worry about that person at some point maybe holding it over my head. If your planning on marrying someone than that’s a different story.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Even still better or worse you earned those numbers. I joke about this but hell use the blood pressure theory
    take the number of partners and your age and put it like a fraction…if it look like bad blood pressure ( 120/30) imma have to wonder

  • Rastaman

    Some folks “period” is been there whole damn life. My experience is that you have to take people on a case by case basis. People nowadays seem to lie about smallest things but feel at ease blabbing their most private aspects to the whole world. The middle ground is disappearing quite rapidly.

    So what happens is the we have become so much more skeptical about people we meet and instead of them proving themselves not good, they have to prove themselves good enough. As a result these probing questionss come up because so many times the story they have told you is riddled with continuity holes. So it turns out that trusting is more a test of faith than a knowledge of facts.

  • QuoteMan

    Yes, people do change; you’d be surprised how far in time one could go with a little bit of self-discovery. Ain’t that what growing up is all about? We are shaped by our past – not defined by them.

  • QuoteMan

    Don’t always believe the numbers, Ma. Some dudes would lie on their dick just for bragging rights or at the very least score some “experience points”.

  • QuoteMan

    Sometimes, digging up the past, “muddy up” the present and the future. just leave it alone………………

  • QuoteMan

    To homegirl: if anyone was to ask, chances are they got issue with numbers – so just lie. And if you was to tell him your past is in the past, chances are he would assume the worst. So to put any lingering doubts to rest, once again, just lie. Tell him what he needs to know and going forward, don’t give him a reason to doubt you. Sometimes, you gotta lie to the ones you love to protect them – from themselves. But we as individuals get to decide what lie we could live with.

    Now, on a much serious note, if at 19, you’re already wondering how your past would be perceived in the future, there’s a possibility that you’re not on the right track. Get hold of yourself, not every itch needs to be scratch.

  • R.e.D

    My comment won’t add. AGAIN!

  • R.e.D

    When you aksed the question about too much sex, you knew the answer. Women do that ish all the time. Ask questions b/c they want someone to agree with them, not b/c they want the truth. NWSO is a man, all day, everyday. He can sleep with whom ever he feels like and still be a man, hell ‘the man.’
    You are woman, a very young one at that. When you sleep with multiple men, on a college campus, you are seen as a whore. What do you think the mulitple men that you sleep with are saying about you? They are undoubtedly talking about you (what the hell else do 19 yr old guys do) and that is what is being said.

  • R.e.D

    No one has told you to keep your damn legs closed, but that is exactly what you should be doing at 19 when you are obviously not sure about your own sense of self. B/c if you did, you wouldn’t give two cents about what anyone else’s opinion was on this subject. When you have to ASK somone else what makes you a whore, when you have to ASK someone else is it ‘ok’ to sleep around, then you KNOW what you are doing is wrong. Intercourse is something that should only be done by mature folks. I know I am one of the few celibate people here, one of the few advocates of no pre-marital sex, but believe me, having sex with people when you are too young and inexperienced (mentally) to even fully understand yourself only messes you up on the inside. I don’t know your back story and I can’t say that you’re a whore. But you need to examine yourself

  • Coko4eva

    LOVE THIS TOPIC! I myself have had over 25 partners and I am perfectly fine with it. When asked I lie though, because not everyone would be ok with my number given that I am only 20. Each person has a story, and I get tested regularly. Ive had raw sex with 5 people,this I tell to every partner. I have been blessed to be STD/HIV/HPV free, and I no longer take that for granted. At the end of the day your number is your number. Be safe, be smart, educate yourself and do you.

  • R.e.D

    Liking sex is natural, but that doesn’t mean that one should sleep with everybody. Loving sex could just mean sleeping with one person and getting it any way, anytime you want. Slow down, please. I don’t know any woman who has said, ‘damn I wish I had more sex in my 20s.’ The time will come when you will even tire of sex. A virtuous woman beats out a whore any day of the week, so take your time.

  • R.e.D

    @NWSO..what’s up with the comment thing man????

  • http://www.nwso.net NWSO

    Dunno, what’s wrong with your computer? Plus, looks like you figured out some way to comment 4 additional times, including the comment saying you couldn’t comment. LOL

    But yeah, it seems to happen to some people and you appear to be one of them. Just have to figure out the common factor/issue.

    But for now I guess just keep doing what you did to eventually comment, which I guess is broke up your comment into separate ones, right?

    #Sorry

  • ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence

    I may be in the the minority (for guys, at least), but I could really give a less of a damn about how many guys a woman has slept with. It really doesn’t gauge what kind of person she is, (outside of being generous, j/k) As long as she’s not calling out random dudes names while where yawking (yes… yawking), in an attempt to remember mine. I’m in my late twenties and have had substantially (SUBSTANTIALLY) less partners than 90% of the guys I know. Doesn’t mean I haven’t had a lot of sex, just not with a lot of different ladies. Does that make me any less experienced or less of a conquistador? That depends on who’s asking and their views on the topic. Besides, the girls with more “experience” are usually, though not always, more fun/ambitious/adventurous when it comes to coitus.

    Shifting to the original commenter, “Hot Girl”. No such thing as too many to me, but again this depends on who you ask. They way I look at it is this: Do you, do it with protection, and have fun (specifically in that order). F_c_ what anybody else thinks, it’s your body/life and they don’t have to face who’s in the mirror 24/7, 365. As long as you are okay with what your doing, keep “doing” until you can’t, or you find a legitimate reason (for yourself) to change your behavior.

    I am ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence and I approve this message (though a sh!tstorm may be in the forecast).

  • MF_Greatest

    @NakedWithSocks someone also told me “150” once and my stomach turned.

  • YErdanos

    Asking for numbers equals your mind wondering .. Don’t ask & don’t tell!! I want to get to KNOW you.. Now! This girl for asking this question .. I respect her & yeah what I did at 19 I will not stand on now at 34.. Age brings wisdom. At 19 my number was 1.. I liked the sex with that 1 but after It ended.. I just knew I had to focus on other things.. Ie finish university.
    I’m also 1 of those women that wished her # is higher than what it is..lol

  • YErdanos

    Funny as hell.. Don’t ask don’t tell!!!

  • http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com/ tiffany

    Don’t go over your age LOL. Seriously though, some people had a phase whether in high school, college or out of a long relationship where they “got down”. Be safe, don’t be stupid and be wise in your actions. I see these little kids at work pregnant for teh third time in their senior year and doing all types of whatnot and I always think…damn what’s gonna happen when they get some real freedom??

  • EntertainmentsFuture

    Oh Im aware, about those who lie. But a guy telling me a higher number doesnt make me want to jump in bed with him, it makes me run the other way.

  • Lyndon

    “They way I look at it is this: Do you, do it with protection, and have fun (specifically in that order). F_c_ what anybody else thinks, it’s your body/life and they don’t have to face who’s in the mirror 24/7, 365″

    Maaaaaan, what kind of offering is that to a nineteen yr old, anybody for that matter. Sex who you want when you want, as long as it’s protected. Is this really how folk see it… We in fkn crisis

  • Lyndon

    Believe me I hate to get all Michael Evans over this, but this kind of enabling is why we (black folk) are in the state of affairs we are in now. C’mon man

  • YErdanos

    All right i wasthinking with an older mind.. But to the young lady don’t ever compare yourself to others but be aware of the the things you do and why u do them. What pleasures do you get out sex.. Is it for you or is it to please someone… What circumstances is this happening.. Ie drinking (common in schools)how are you being treated by these men.. How do they capture your attention? When did you first start having sex? Are u away for school? What are your home girls sayin? Do talk to your homegirls about this? I read your question over and if u are ok with u then go on girl but … Its just not about sex I think

  • http://robyninrealtime.tumblr.com rw

    numbers dont bother me either way, what does bother me is when someone says someone looks sexual

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Exactly. My British friends of all colours know about it, for sure.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    I used to feel the same way when I was younger, and to a very small extent I still do; just like men (in general) don’t like high numbers on women, I don’t like high numbers on men. :-| But now, what’s more important to me is how often a potential partner gets tested, when was the last test, have there ever been any positive test results….. things around health. As we get older, it’s pointless (in my opinion) to ask about numbers. But my health is priceless, so I’d ask all kinds of health-related questions.

    Now if I happened upon someone who’s never been tested before, :-| Not sure if I’d want to go any further. If I decided to pursue things further….. Welcome to your 1st test, playboy, because I don’t get down like that. :-|

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Try over 200… and we weren’t even out of our teens yet. (Looking back, hopefully that number was a lie but wouldn’t be surprised if she was telling the truth. Sigh.)

  • Nicole

    I recently had the exact conversation with a girlfriend of mine. She was commenting that she can still “Count all of her partners using two hands” and she was okay with this. I, on the other hand, need a few more hands for my “list.”

    I personally have no problem with my number (some of the actual partners I wish I could have never slept with!) I still consider myself a virtuous woman by the way I carry and present myself. I am intelligent and conscientous enough to practice safe sex and visit my physician for examinations and blood tests.

    Besides all of that, I don’t wear a sign that says “I had X amount of sexual partners”–I feel that I’m more than marriage material and I would hope that my future husband would be realistic and mature enough that when I am that honest with him about my sexual past, he will accept it and move on!

    • Davisda5

      Yea good luck with that, let us know whwn you set a date.

  • Bear

    I go by the rule don’t ask questions that you know you don’t want to hearths answer to Fabolous said it “you don’t wanna ask but you wanna know” also It depends now if a female has been in 20 relationships and that’s all the dudes she been with that’s understandable but then again If u been through that many relationships something wrong with her kitty Kat lol

  • CK

    I agree with you NWSO, and a lot of the comments. I am married to a man 13 years my senior. While I may have felt a twinge of surprise when he disclosed his number to me, I gotta admit I would’ve been *more surprised if it had been lower considering he was single for about a decade while I was still in junior high/high school! The bottom line is if he’s clean and healthy and I’m the only “number” in his life now, who cares about how many people he’s slept with?!

    And for those of you who think people can’t change…wow. So because my hunny liked having sex and didn’t have more than a couple of long-term relationships before me, he’s somehow not as good a husband or is somehow less committed to me? Doesn’t add up. You keep on talking about actions, but if I’m not mistaken those usually have an expiration date. If a person’s actions are different now than they used to be, they’ve changed. Period.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Once again I’ll go with the pedophile theory.
    Is a man who molestation a little boy once and never does it any less of a pedophile than one who does it constantly? No their not
    now as far as sex if they were loose that’s still apart of them…you can change but it takes work. Most people that say they change tend to confuse surface change with down to the core chnage which takes AWHILE..and sometimes really isn’t THAT permanent

  • JC

    Preach, I wonder if you have ever really seen change in someone or if you just dismissed it.
    I don’t know what past experiences you may have but change happens I am proof positive of that.
    I can only wonder how many people you have turned away because you didn’t believe or give them a chance to show you that they changed.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Ok let me lay this bare
    I have been abused verbally and mentally
    I have been in some other situations I won’t go into detail about.
    Have I been hurt yes
    have I been betrayed yes
    but I always as a man of god acknowledge that people can try to change.
    What I’m mentioning is change is a PROCESS not an event…there’s final destination for it. It’s like stopping alcohol there’s no one day when you know your cured. Everyday you get a chance to control your demons and step from your past. I’m not trying to be a dick I’m just saying I hate when people act like the past is so far gone. No it’s not. It’s there and I respect that.I judge you by how you TREAT me. I guess it’s more that thru therapy I’ve learned people got triggers for bad behavior. Acknowledge that you have triggers. Then as your man I’ll do what I can to avoid those. When I’m with someone I’m not judging ur past I just want to do all I can so we go to the future together…if your dad yelled for every little thing I won’t ever raise ny voice to you..etc etc..it’s about me doing all I can to help her if u catch my meaning

  • JC

    Preach, I’m sorry you have gone through what you went through. I know abuse…verbally, mentally and physically. Nothing has been more difficult than changing the person I was back then so I am not susceptible to the same treatment. I do acknowledge that people have triggers that can lead them back into bad behavior but I also have to believe and focus on that people can also have triggers that can lead them to change. A process of change, which I don’t think there is a final destination because it will always be ongoing. It has to be in order for those bad triggers to stay at bay.

    I’m speaking of this based on my life experiences and my time in therapy.

  • Angela Conley

    My thinking is this: if you feel the need to ask your mate’s number, something is missing in your ability to determine if they’re a worthy partner. Their number may indicate something you’d want to know, but if they had past issues with abuse, molestation, daddy issues, self esteem, etc., and these are still issues not dealt with in the present, there will be other indications or red flags.

    I regard the QUALITY of their past partners, not QUANTITY. Tell me instead about your exes, how things ended, how the relationship went, what kind of dating experience you had, were you in love, etc.

  • Silly Me

    I don’t think it’s fair to categorize Nicki as a sexpot. She been off that if you really pay attention. I get what you’re saying w/ the comparison but feel you need two, clear, black & white, truly polar opposites for ppl to get the gist of the panel. Right now it’s like do you want a mom or a rapper as a wife.

  • Silly Me

    You don’t need numbers for that. You need to both go get checked out before having sex. What are numbers going to tell you if you don’t go to a dr? Someone who has been with 20 partners and always used protection or someone who has been with 10 partners and never used protection – who is more at risk??? Just both get checked.

  • http://www.nwso.net NWSO

    Well, I didn’t name the panel LOL and it’s already over (you missed out). Was a good discussion and to clarify the two women were just examples to represent the idea/image of certain women not them specifically. I agree Nicki doesn’t seem that loose in her real life.

    Oddly enough one of the panelist said that most of the cases she’s seen are the committed women contracting HIV because they’re less likely to use protection while unbeknownst to them their “committed” partner is out cheating.

  • Oscar

    well if you ask you better be ready for the answer……i made a mistake and asked my current gf- turns out one of the dudes shes been with was an ex buddy of mine – we see him EVERYWHERE and it gets so0o awkward ….so like i said be ready!

  • Mike Shammary

    I married my current wife after she admitted to me she had sex with more than 500 well hung black guys in less than two years and I really love her and she loves me too so I really don’t care much about that.We have been married for over 10 years now and we have 4 kids.

    • Private

      Disturbing image to me… But good for you man!!!

    • Just what I think

      sucks to be you! sorry!

  • James’ Giant Peach

    I know this isn’t a popular answer but I think a person, male or female, should only have one sexual partner. Is that realistic in today’s society? Probably not because sex is viewed as just a thing you do, there’s no more significance to it than just obtaining pleasure while trying to avoid the consequences of it, such as venereal disease or pregancy. Waiting till marriage is a thing of the past and virginity is viewed as a disorder you must strive to overcome. I think it’s a damn shame, but with that said it is what it is. My girlfriend has had, what I believe to be, a lot of sexual partners. It was disturbing to hear, I shouldn’t have asked but if a guy really loves you and wants to be with you he’ll stick around.

  • James’ Giant Peach

    “Now, on a much serious note, if at 19, you’re already wondering how your past would be perceived in the future, there’s a possibility that you’re not on the right track. Get hold of yourself, not every itch needs to be scratch.” by Quoteman

    That’s the damn truth right there. If this was church I’d yell amen!

  • SB

    Stop now until u get married

  • http://www.anon.com/ Anon

    50-60 partners in late 20s? Holy shit. Makes me wish I was a woman. I’m a guy late 20s had 4 partners. Worked pretty hard to get laid or a girlfriend too and been single for the last 5 years. Yes I’m hot, have great career, etc. Makes me think I should stop trying to be a gentleman and date properly and get back on this pickup artist stuff, and be cynical juggling multiple women until one puts out. I sure as hell wouldn’t feel comfortable having a wife who had had significantly more partners than me, if only because it would really make me feel women are hypocrites/assholes that only go for male assholes. It would be really hard to stomach that in a long term relationship where I’d come from a place of being alone for a long time, and wanting to either get laid or have a partner. That someone else was having the easiest time in the world having fun and now their past is “none of my business.” It’s like I wouldn’t be able to relate to them, and I’d have a hard time trusting them too, because maybe they would want to just keep sleeping with more people, and how do you notice that or prevent it, I wouldn’t know.

  • http://www.anon.com/ Anon

    …Not to mention that all that time I spent alone trying to date and find love or sex, the woman I was with wasn’t at all concerned about making me happy, kissing me, etc, but was willing to do this for a huge number of other people, who possessed some property of caddishness I lacked. I’d be really creeped out that womens’ life experience in general or in their particular case, was not at all helpful to my emotions and was instead like ‘I’m ignoring you.’ I just really couldn’t be with a woman like that because of what it would do to my mind. And I would want to know number of sex partners because of wanting to know if I could relate to their life experiences, and also because if the number is high it is not proof but highly indicative of a person with commitment issues!

  • Screwedupmind89

    I personally think that for either male or female, the more numbers you have the worse it looks on you. I’m a female and my number is 7. I’m not proud of that number. I feel that it could be lower. I lost my virginity at 16 to my first love. I went through a bit of a promiscuous phase when I was 20 yrs old. I regret it. It wasn’t worth it. Made me feel disgusting inside. Lost some friends as I did the fuck buddy thing. I personally look down upon people (both male and females) who have slept with like 30+ ppl. If your in your mid 20’s and your number is like 30+, I probably wouldn’t even consider dating you. I hope to GOD my future husband, whoever he may be, doesn’t have a number of like 40+ or something. I would be seriously turned off. I think the number of partners you have shows the self respect you have for yourself and the self discipline you have for yourself. All the kids in my family (both boys and girls) were all raised the same towards the topic of sex. They all told us to respect ourselves and don’t sleep with the whole neigborhood and more. Learn to restrain yourself from having sex with so many people. You will feel much better about yourself in the end. If some guy that had a high number, I would hesitate. I would think to myself, “why does he want to date me?” “does he just want to fuck me and leave me and add me as another number to his list?” “he already has a big number, what’s another number in his book?” That’s how I think. I was raised very strict on the topic of sex, so were all the other kids in my family. The more numbers you have, shows that you didn’t have very much discipline or respect for yourself in my book, especially if you had a lot of fuck buddies. The only exception possibly is if you had a lot of boyfriends maybe. Other than that, think twice. You don’t want to make yourself look like shit to your next boyfriend/girlfriend or to your future spouse. Call me closed minded or judgmental, but whatever. I was raised this way and have tried my best to adhere to these values. They have actually gotten me pretty far in life.

  • Pt4959

    I guess if you are looking for a diplomatic answer, with no real answer to your question, you, we came to to right Blog.
    Men are praised for a high number of, “conquest’s” because, let’s face it, men are the under dogs. This topic, “Men are the under dogs” comes up time and time again.
    * having sex with a women who is unwilling is rape . Having sex with a guy who is unwilling, is the butt of jokes, You can’t rape the willing. Or yea right, when doesn’t a guy pass up free tail.
    Give me a break!

    Not all the time, but more often then men, a women can go to a party, bar, online, and score a one night stand way more easily than a guy. A woman dictates where, when how often.

    *Not telling a prospective partner how many sexual partners is wrong, especially if it matters to him and their future is probably marriage. That is plain selfishness.

    Ask someone or go to a blog who wants to help you with your questions, who will give you real answers to your questions. “HINT, HINT!!” not to someone who is looking for liberal followers, someone to burn their bra with.

  • Pt4959

    I guess if you are looking for a diplomatic answer, with no real answer to your question, you, we came to to right Blog.
    Men are praised for a high number of, “conquest’s” because, let’s face it, men are the under dogs. This topic, “Men are the under dogs” comes up time and time again.
    * having sex with a women who is unwilling is rape . Having sex with a guy who is unwilling, is the butt of jokes, You can’t rape the willing. Or yea right, when doesn’t a guy pass up free tail.
    Give me a break!

    Not all the time, but more often then men, a women can go to a party, bar, online, and score a one night stand way more easily than a guy. A woman dictates where, when how often.

    *Not telling a prospective partner how many sexual partners is wrong, especially if it matters to him and their future is probably marriage. That is plain selfishness.

    Ask someone or go to a blog who wants to help you with your questions, who will give you real answers to your questions. “HINT, HINT!!” not to someone who is looking for liberal followers, someone to burn their bra with.

  • Pt4959

    I guess if you are looking for a diplomatic answer, with no real answer to your question, you, we came to to right Blog.
    Men are praised for a high number of, “conquest’s” because, let’s face it, men are the under dogs. This topic, “Men are the under dogs” comes up time and time again.
    * having sex with a women who is unwilling is rape . Having sex with a guy who is unwilling, is the butt of jokes, You can’t rape the willing. Or yea right, when doesn’t a guy pass up free tail.
    Give me a break!

    Not all the time, but more often then men, a women can go to a party, bar, online, and score a one night stand way more easily than a guy. A woman dictates where, when how often.

    *Not telling a prospective partner how many sexual partners is wrong, especially if it matters to him and their future is probably marriage. That is plain selfishness.

    Ask someone or go to a blog who wants to help you with your questions, who will give you real answers to your questions. “HINT, HINT!!” not to someone who is looking for liberal followers, someone to burn their bra with.

  • THE TRUTH

    okay im a young man, 18. I live in canada. I’m a virgin. would i ask a woman her number? yes, do i expect her to tell the truth? yes. i dont want a expert in between the sheets, we can work it out together. would i like her to know what shes doing yes, plus i dont think its that hard to do whats natural, or giving head. its unappealing to know that every man on the block has been with her. I would expect the same conduct from myself. I am for that double standard. should men have ridiculously high numbers? no, should women? NEVER. but would i sleep with a woman with a high number yes, dating her would be different though, if it was that easy for me, how easy was it for everyone else? would i sleep with her before i asked, no. but if im at a club and well she slips her hands in my pants and goes at it, i wont stop her.

  • Nailgun152

    I judge a person by the sum of their parts, you have to answer for you past, I have been with 31 women and I am 23 and I am not proud. I don’t have a dabble standard; I feel that both men and women fall in to the same standard. Having sex is the apex of intimacy, and the more partners you have the less value sex has. Think about the firs 2 or 3 partners you had think about the connection with that person think about the intimacy and how the relationship grow to that point. Then think about number 15 or 25, and you slept with them because you were drunk, in a bar and horny. I feel it is hard if not imposable to give sex back its meaning. I have been with me fiancé for 2 1/2  years. The sex is great but it doesn’t feel nearly as meaningful as it did with my high school sweet heart. I do not know how many partners my fiancé has had, but I know it is a lot. It dose irk me to know that (blank) number of men can stand in a room and talk about my fiancé as if she were just any conquest just an ex-girl friend, when she should me so much more to me and  all of them having tasted her kisses herd her monde in there ear. Intimacy by definition, is low numbers is, a sort of secrete between you and your partner, knowing that it is not much of a secrete is hard and leaves a lot to be insecure about.

  • marv

    i met my partner 11 years ago when she was 16 and i was 18 i only had 4 partners including her i asked her how many she had she said 14 i was shocked and ended it stright away she told me she lied and siad it was only 2 before me one man one woman. idk know if she told the truth or not but it still causes arguments to this day durring the break up she made comments about my penis size not what you would exspect to come from a 16 year old who only had one bloke before me its been nothing but a struggle from start to finish but i still stand by my feelings i think its better for MEN and women to think before they make love it causes alot less heart ache in the end lets be honest boys and girls its never nice when you meet sombody you love just to find out they have had so many exspierences with other people. i love my partner but i reallly wish i met her first. btw i never thought it was a good thing for men to do, i allways thought my friends were nuts cheating on there wifes/girlfriends.

  • marv

    allso i do feel cheated if i give myself to sombody who doesnt care about the same values as me especialy if you have addressed the issue before hand i guess its more important to other people and both partys should respect each other wishes. 

  • Anonymous

    The concept that there a double standard about the numbers of sex partners (male vs female) is bogus.  First off ask yourself which gender has is it easier to cheat on there partner?  Even women would say…women!  Men have to work at getting sex women only have to make themselves available.  A women (reasonably attractive) can walk into any bar, in any town, at any time of the day, on any day and find a man willing to have sex with her.  For men they could try every day for a year and not find a partner to have sex with.

    When men can get sex as easy as a women can and still treat her differently then,  yes, that would be a double standard.

  • DickDiesel

    5, 50, 500, 5000..women are EASILY capable of all these over a 10 year span.  I know for a fact  most women get it “in” much more than the average male.  We live in a society of endless options and women would rather have sex with the guy with abs on his facebook profile rather than be taken to dinner by someone that mentally stimulates her.  I don’t really care how many people she has been with.  I nailed a virgin once that had already given over 100 blowjobs and fooled around, but never did the dirty.  Well sex with her was just like fucking any other hoe off the block.  I’m a good looking guy and have been around the block myself.  Every girl is different, but after many women…most of them are really all kinda the same.  Passion is key.  As for me, I look for sweetness and a huge heart.  What I really look for despite being with 500 guys before she fucked me, is how she acts towards me, around me, out with me.  Its all about how she acts after meeting me.  Now thats the game changer.
    If you take a stunning hott, sweet all around chic and have her seduce and fuck some guy that says he doesnt want anything to do with a whore…..you will have a Guy that just fucked a whore….now he’s a liar.

    • dickDiesel

      I’m saying let that Guy know the stunning, hott, sweet all around chic was with 500+ guys…

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QRVUNZ2GVPVXBYAOHEKY2SRDLY Harvette Ellington

        I agree you know the goody two shoes are worst than all of us.

  • Stephenmajsai90

    hi my names steve im 21 turing 21 in may and ive slept with 20- 23 women already lol yee budy!

  • Sonys_2414

    i v had sex with more than 5 people without any precaution does it harm any way?

  • Whocares

    times have changed due to the internet girls rule the world, the majority of girls i am good friends with have had sex with way over 100 guys. does it make them a whore? no. its not how many people you fuck its how you present yourself. if you fuck 100 guys and are shy and quiet and never talk about sex then people are going to think your a saint, but if you fuck 3 guys and talk about how much you love dick for the next week everyones going to think your a whore thats fucked 400 guys. so its all about how you rep yourself. its the time we live in. the guys i know most of them havent even had sex with 10 girls. some are still virgins in there 20s. its alot harder now to get any girl to talk to us because theres 100000s of guys constantly hitting on girls. a guy who really likes a girl now can give a girl a compliment and it means absolutely nothing to her because she gets them so often now from the internet. even disgusting girls can be picky

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QRVUNZ2GVPVXBYAOHEKY2SRDLY Harvette Ellington

      I agree!

    • chaz

      No……just no,

  • Bern

    Hot Girl is simply a disgusting filthy whore who no one should touch with a ten feet pole.

  • Chi_towndude81888

    50-60 partners??? Damn, imagine that episode or Maury!

  • Hans Amstein

    Promiscuity and infidelity ARE correlated, that’s pretty clear.
    Also, promiscuity and risk of STDs is correlated.
    Likewise, dysfunctional impulse control and promiscuity are highly correlated.
    And so on.
    Will people change? Some will, but usually not until some very negative experiences.
    A person used to ONSs cnnot be expected to easily change the underlying (lack of) attitude.
    That’s plain clear.

  • HAULhiphop

    Okay, I have just a bit to say here…  My current girlfriend, who I have been dating for 3 years, has had a very promiscuous youth…  To be honest, I think this whole number thing should be upfront and honest in any relationship, right off the bat…  The last thing a guy or girl wants to continue finding out, is about another sex partner from the past either person may have had…  I will throw it out there, I am 27 and I have slept with 11 girls…  5 were in a relationship, 4 were in threesomes I had while single (me plus 2 girls, 2 times) and 2 were one night stands…  I was upfront and honest with my girlfriend about this shit from the start…  Problem that I had, is she never really brought it up or was honest with me about her past…  So over time I would find out other guys, which never feels good…  She is 21 and I have been dating her for almost 3 years…  She has slept with 11 guys from the time she was 15 to 19, when she met me…  I’m number 12…  We recently broke up (which has nothing to do with the topic of this post) and got back together, during which the time apart we both never slept with anybody, which is awesome…  But my whole point here is this; I never found out until last night what the true number was, because she never told me and I never asked before…  But the reason I did ask this time, is because when I kept finding about ‘this guy’ or ‘that one time’ or ‘I was with him before’ in random conversations over the three years, I would get fucking sick to my stomach…  Over time, you kind of get a different picture painted in your mind about a person you thought was a different way…  I don’t judge her on her past, so don’t get me wrong…  Its just it gives a person that sick feeling in their stomach to find out time and time again that some guys river flowed into your girls pond…  So in my opinion, this shit should be one of the first things any serious relationship should get out of the way right at the start…  That way you don’t get random surprises and build your own number of guys she slept with, wondering when the next time your going to find out about some past fling she (or he) had…  Just bite the damn bullet and tell each other so there is no surprises about it in the future…  Even if you both don’t like what you hear, if you are in love, you will get over it…  The main thing is, she loves me and I love her and we both do things together that neither of us have done in the past with previous partners…  We have the best sex we have ever had with each other and anything up to this point was just training for the two of us when we met…  I love sex, she loves sex, we have great sex and I can’t wait to have sex with her again…

    Word!!!

  • QueenBitch

    Fuck all of you!!!!!! A person no matter what sex can do whatever the fuck they want with their body!!!!! The number of partners a woman or a guy have is none of your goddamn business. STFU If you are with a guy or a girl that you like weather for marriage of just a fuck shit go ahead and have fun. Why a number is a fucking issue anyway Stupid fucktards

  • Mel

    I think one of the main points which distinguishes slutty actions and respectable promiscuity is how we go about it and treat our lovers emotions. If we are clear and fair from the start, with both parties involved for the same reasons, it doesn’t matter how many people we sleep with or how – it can still be a pleasant an respectable experience. If you compare this to people who have boyfriend after boyfriend – these are the people I pity, who have no emotional control or knowledge of what they are looking for. I find these relationships to be most self hurting.

    After all a lot of our sexual actions are controlled by our hormones. Some girls are blessed or cursed, depending how you see it, with raging hormones so why should be stress ourselves with abstinence or enter relationships when we aren’t ready or not with the right person just for a regular release.

    The main thing to think about in my eyes is the reasons that you are looking for a lot of sex. If it’s purely because you love sex then great, just BE CLEAN. But sometimes it can be a deeper rooted emotional issue, which means you wont find satisfaction and you might be left with a horrible sence of emptiness when the phase passes.

    All the best, just look after yourself and be clean. The more time goes on the more girls who love sex with be accepted and respected :) x

  • OneLifeTime

    I’m a 24 year old woman, and I have had several partners and have been beating myself up about it lately. When I was younger and a virgin(I shared mine when I was 18) I was caught between hoping I could finally get laid(or have any sexual experiences) one day and having a love of my life. I regret my number not for the number but because out of them all only one guy truly loved me and the rest were just nice guys but didn’t want to commit to anything.

    I personally think that most people in my generation don’t have many markers for courtship, don’t know what it takes or aren’t interesting in having long-term relationships and just aren’t socialized to be patient for anything(from sex to career success). Most of the time no one really had much money to date so you hangout and did whatever cheap instead, most of us had crazy work and school schedules making it hard to make time and when everyone’s having sex around you, you want something of your own too.

    My number of partners doesn’t compare to most of my peers in the 15-30+s but personally I feel like I have to make serious efforts to wait to find someone who really wants a relationship because it doesn’t just happen naturally at all and to make sure I don’t let stress, inebriation and labido keep me from finding a real relationship, just like I’ve had to work hard for everything else I’ve accomplished.

  • Rick

    hoe. read the bile or mabey you’ll get  the chance to read it in hell u wouldnt be going to heaven anytime soon dear

  • Haggerpm

    I was raised in a catholic house with an amazing mother and a good, honest providing father. I learned how real men live from my dad and his “old timer” friends. If i ask these real men what they thought of this they’d probably tell me to stay away from the loose “modern” chicks. We all have a past but I wouldn’t want my nursing children sucking from a whore’s breast. I guess that’s why I’m awesome. 

  • Suggestit2

    I found my ex wife list and she had over 20 sexual partners. when we met she was only..21 then I think that was a lot.

  • Anonymous

    People that say a person sexual experiences doesn’t matter are just rationalizing there own behavior or someone else’s.  Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves or there newest “soul mate.”  Yet we are all judges by our actions.  To say “don’t judge me or them” is just an absurd statement.  Here’s why: all of our choices are judged

    1. Our civil obedience (crimes or traffic tickets) by insurance companies, landlords, banks loans and employers.  
    2. Our credit history.  Do you pay your bills on time, claimed bankruptcy, or are broke?
    3. Our employment history.  Have you been fired and why?  Have you been unemployed for very and why? Have you sought advancement and if no why?
    4. Our academic record.  How good a student where you?  What were your grades?  How far did you go?

    There more but you get the point.  Everything we do is measure, weight, and judged.  The amount and frequency of your engaging in the most intimate act two people can do together MATTERS and tells people of your character and personality.  Its that simple.

  • Airlos

    When I was in college, I went to bars and parties,got drunk and hooked up with someone. I look back now,20 years later and see that I was someone who desperately needed attention.I never thought that the sex felt good, but just to know that someone was interested in me, even if it was just for one night was the reason I kept doing it. In  the morning,I would go home,take a shower,clean up and ask God to forgive me.Then I’d go to school and work and think about how everyone thought that I was a clean-cut girl at work and school,but the after school and work, I was a secret slut. A whore. For some reason, I even thought that I was powerful.

  • Librahasspoken

    I feel like its time for Ms. Anderson to WAKE UP AND TAKE THE RED PILL..  The fact that a woman is even asking, shows how logically weaker we can be than men. Do you see men going around saying, hmmm, I wonder if I’m a whore?? Does anybody call Wilt Chamberlain a manwhore?? NO, they glorify him for being this get around guy. It is all part of the male desire to oppress and dominate. Has anyone ever stopped and thought about how men get away with promiscuity all the time, and some  women take no question to it? Oh.. we can question GOD and the BIBLE, but we can’t question who made up all these rules for women, right??? That’s just not even sensible. I truly believe the most sexist of men are actually intimidated by a womans power. Similar to how RACIST white men ( please note Racist is the operative term), deep down inside, were intimidated by the physical superiority of “ethnic men”. So, since the physical was superior, they messed with the mind, gave them inferiority complex as a form of control. It worked, and on the weaker minded, still works even today. This is the same approach but on a gender level. A woman, especially a beautiful woman, can inhibit power over a man that even they themselves can’t understand. So, the way they weaken that power is by mind conditioning with an inferiority complex and call you a whore etc. And it works, women are counting the number of sexual encounters they have..and asking are they too many. Do you really think men are doing this. Do you think when the last chick left single dude’s apartment he said.. “oh no, that was number 25, my number is getting too big, i better slow down”. This is how women become male property. They settle for someone out of this fear. The fear they will have to actually experiment and seek the right person, and yes, may end up sleeping with the wrong ones, before they find the right one. Have you ever seen a really nice sweet lady, pretty, and everything getting treated like crap bc somewhere she was conditioned to believe if she didn’t marry the man she gave her viriginity to, she was a whore. Wake up people, its 2012, and if the Mayan Cal is right.. close to the end. I’m not saying this is a good reason to go out there and be careless, or to allow yourself to be ran through like a subway. I just think that women need to stop letting men define them. If he asks, lie, tell the truth, whatever, who cares? I just really get fed up with the conditioned mind. By all means protect your virtue, but don’t let anyone else define or deem whether or not you possess virtue. This IS HOW WE LOSE …WOMEN!!! MEN CHEAT.. WOMEN FORGIVE.. WOMAN CHEATS.. SHE IS A WHORE.. WHEN WILL THE EVOLUTION OF THE FEMALE MIND  COME. Women.. get the F out the mental cotton field.. please. By the way, in support of my argument, I will not give the number of men I have slept with. Not bc I am in any way shape or formed, I may have had only one.. maybe 100… yeah.. and I may be white, or black, or purple and a dinosour. Just get it together with this judgemental bs… world peace bla bla bla.. but i “scorn” you if you don’t do things the way I do.. So WACK MINDED! ILL!

  • Librahasspoken

    also… don’t even get me started on how WOMEN are the biggest advocators of all of this. So men play mind game, then they get women to turn on each other and do it to each other. Look at her .. she is a Whore.. Now, There are some women that are straight BEE ACHES.. don’t get me wrong. They will know someone is inovolved or married etc, and just say F it.. F his 3 kids.. F his pregnant wife, F his lady and the 3 years of life she has put into him.. F it all.. I’m F%&*^*&^ him… Now this is the definition of a HOE.. I’m gonna quote Bahamadia ( hip hop female old school artist..dope) TRUE HONEY BUNS.. WANNA HAVE FUN..BUT IT AINT WHAT YOU DO IS HOW YOU DO IT… !! That is all.

    • Mike Stone

      a woman who gets involved with a married man does not owe his wife , or his kids any loyalty or consideration . HE DOES !!!!!! she is not violating his vows of marriage , HE IS !!!!!!!! she is not betraying his family , HE IS !!!!!!! she is looking out for her happiness and herself which is what she is supposed to do . HE is supposed to be loyal to his wife , and his family . not her . im not saying this is a good choice or a smart choice by her . i am saying she does not owe anyone loyalty nor does she need to put anyone else’s happiness ahead of her own .

      • Chox

        You can’t be serious “this is what she’s supposed to do”!? No sorry, not at any cost, no not even if the cost is not hers to pay. She may not have taken the vow however she is most certainly an accomplice to the breaking of them. If there were more women who respected marriage there wouldn’t be as many cheating husbands. Some of these women make it so easy, they want the man even more when he’s married. They get some kind of sick satisfaction/validation from another woman’s man wanting them. Please don’t misunderstand me he is the primary violator and the one to be dealt with but she is by no means inconsequential.

  • Fish

    I’m a virgin guy looking for a virgin girl. Anything less is not something I’d consider. I can tell you it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack but I’ve thought about it and I prefer to stay single forever than losing it to a non-virgin. Everybody speaks about double standards when the topic of female promiscuity is breached but nobody does the same about male virginity. Virgin guys are always thought of as gay or excessively prude.

    Women usually take offense when their number is asked. They respond with anger and become very defensive. That alone says that they’re not really happy with their choices. A secure person has no reason to feel anger. Guys are only asking to see if you’re a suitable partner. Where is the harm in learning that your personalities are incompatible?

    Bottom thing is that a promiscuous woman who is complaining about the double standard should only go after promiscuous men. If she’s going after non-promiscuous or even virgin men and then she complains about how “the past doesn’t matter” then she is guilty of applying a double standard herself. Everybody should give what they expect to receive, that is my own definition of “fairness”.

  • kingpin

    a guy who’ll marry her is a fool. he has no understanding of life or women.  he should just use her and throw her as well.  ofcourse there are plenty of fools so she’ll be fine.  

  • Pingback: Pozycjonowanie Wroc?aw()

  • V01cen268

    “Man, you’ve done it with sixty women?! HIGH FIVE MAN.”
    “Sixty men eh…fucking slut.”

    Ah double standards at it’s best. 

  • Peace&Love.

    I think judging someone because of how many sex partners they’ve had just proves how simple, and dumb a person really is. Yes, I’ve had my promiscuous phase and okay, maybe my number is around 14 BUT the point is that I’ve learned from it, and also, to the people who are saying that the more sex partners you have, the more likely you are to cheat is completely false because I have never once cheated on any of my boyfriends. 
    I recently met a guy who I was completely honest with about my past, and instead of judging me, he’s confident enough to be able to look past that and like me for who I am–that’s the kind of guy I want to be with. I don’t think your past defines you..I think that your past happened for a reason, it was meant to teach you something, or it just brings you closer to who you are really supposed to be with, and that person will love you for all your flaws and strengths alike. 

  • verus rex

    I think everybody has a number male or female that will be to high for each other. What about a case were a girl has only been with 2 guys her whole life but you find out she let them run a train on her????? Or she only had sex with one person but sucked 30 different dicks????? 

  • jen

    Im quite amused at some of the comments being left here…. I think WHO you are prevails over WHO you do… Or at least it should, now dont get me wrong, what you do does somewhat shape into who you are, but that will be just a small part of who you are, sex is a natural thing and is seen differently by different people. No 2 people will ever have the same views on things like this, there are morals and also cultural views that tie into how people view sex. my numbers probably would be considered high to some. I am 31 ans started having sex at 14, quite young. I have also learned alot about myself, and the opposite sex through the years and I hold no regrets. Sometimes you have to experience things, many  things, to find your path in life. By no means am I a whore for what Ive done, I simply would say I am experienced and knowledgeable on a few things… however, safe sex and how you carry yourself, and your own self esteem, these are the most imprtant things about sex in any facet!  Ladies, if you walk it, talk it, and most of all believe it… You will be it. whether that is a whore or a woman. You are who you believe you are… Hold yourself to your standards and only yours, because you will never live up to anyone elses!  :)

  • Mariamorello458

    I’m a woman and I’ve slept with around 20 men. I mean the way I see it is not everyone sets there eyes on marriage and not everyone is relationship material yes some might say because it makes you a “wild child” but personally it makes you smart Nothing lasts forever you could die in a minute and you spend your life looking at the coulds & shoulds. Who gives a shit live your life the way you want to sleep with as many woman or men that you find appropriate. In the end your only answering to yourself. Men wouldn’t marry a woman whos had some sexual experience Lies. Maybe some arrogant individuals who think there above that sort of thing. But I’m pretty sure if your having some sexual relationships and having fun when you do settle down and have a love lasting relationship you’ve both lived your life experienced things separate. So whats the chances of wanting something and ruining your future relationship if you spent your teens etc enjoying and experiencing those kinda of things. The world is full of judgement the only person who you should let judge you.. is yourself. People will always demean you whether your sexually active or not so the way I see it is fuck them let them talk just enjoy your life what ever way YOU think is right! xx  

  • SirJovi

    I think you women should spread that sweet cookie like cream cheese. You only live once so I encourage you all to get it in while you can !

  • You won’t meet me at the bar

    The worry should only be if it’s in the 30s and up for women OR if sleeping with her is like a toothpick in a hallway. As for men, I say the same about their numbers because it’ll seem like more of an achievement rather than actually enjoying it.

    I’ve had 4 LTRs and some STRs and one ONS with a close friend. I am proud to say I am in great shape, healthy, and have always been faithful. I think the problem is how and where and why, not how MANY. Also, a reasonable but high number does not equal slut or whore and that she/he must have STDs. I’ve met a few people who slept around quite a bit in a short period of time but with a smaller number than my friends and I who have gotten STDs because of drunken strangers that they have had sex with.

    • Mike Stone

      a toothpick in a hallway ??????? in your LTR’s i would assume that you had sex with your partner many , many times . not sure if you are m or f , but if you are m did she get looser every time you had sex or did it tighten back up once you were done having sex . if you are a female you should know better ! by that way of thinking a woman who has had 20 sexual partners in her life and has has 4 children has to be damn near a tunnel .

  • Time722

    A person can have as many partners as they wish. However if your asked how many people you’ve been with, and your truely honest…. some will think less of you if your number is high. Surely thats bound to happen! I would think has this person got what it takes to stick at a relationship once the honeymoon period has worn off? The number that makes a person feel uncomfortable obviously varies. For me it would depend on the background of the person. EG if someone was from a broken home, kicked out of home at an early age, then its understandable one may look for love/sex/company more than the average. B honest if someone askes I’d say though. Starting any relationship not being totally honest is not the way to go. We all know that.
    Just my view. Hoped this helps. All the best. Tim.

    • Mike Stone

      are you saying that a woman should have more or less partners based on what environment she comes from ? if your mother told you tomorrow that she has had sex with 200 different men would your opinion of her change ? if so why and how ? if your dad then told you he only had sex with 1 woman would that effect your opinion of him ???????

  • oopsies69

    18 years old
    19 partners

  • Mike Stone

    the number of partners that is too many is the same for every woman . one more than she wants to and chooses to have sex with . if a woman wants to have sex with someone and she chooses to have sex with that person how can it ever be too many .

    women if a man thinks you are somehow less in any way based on your sexual history you should think less of him and no longer consider him as a worthy partner . his opinion of you should be based on who you are as a person and a partner , not how many people you had sex with . does the amount of people you had sex with make you a better or worse person ? how could it ? and if he thinks less of you , you can believe he will think the same of his own daughter . do you want to be with a man who would think his own daughter is a whore ?

    women need to determine their own self worth . sex is not bad , or dirty , or shameful .

  • wunhunnit

    I’m a 32 year old male who has had over 60 partners. I would never tell someone, that I was trying to build a long term relationship with, my number. They don’t need to know that. It happened before them, and they would never get past that. Although, I did tell one female that I was dated. She didn’t mind, because she knew that I got tested every few months. She did occasionally remind me how she would kill me, if I gave her something. Over time, I was safe with it most of the time, but also a lot of the times there was no protection used. On he other hand,I wouldn’t wife a female who had a lot of partners. I think the number depends on age.

  • chibi

    Good Grief. Why all this judgment??
    times have changed, granted. i’m sure people during the “free love” years were having a lot of sex. probably a backlash from a time where people were too restricted.
    and there’s too many arguments for either side of this.
    live and let live. whatever your lifestyle choice may be, just make sure your doing what you want, what makes you happy, and be safe.

  • Reality

    “being a whore makes you a whore”….. If you are hooking up over beer and chips; it just makes you a cheap whore.

  • whereisthelove

    the article was great, but as usual the thing that dissapoints me is the ignorant bullshit people say about the topic. It makes no difference to me how many people you have or have not slept with..the thing that makes me so angry is this holier than thou bullshit. Just my opinion but either way if your judging eachother YOU are the one with the problem. Men and woman, regardless of the topic, who have REAL confidence in themselves do not feel the need to attack someone for what they believe. I say if you want to sleep with one man then do that, if you want to sleep with 100 men then do that, but either way mind your own fucking business and stop acting like your better than everyone else. stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong and live your own life..and name calling..seriously?? that really does show a lack of maturity and experience.

  • Cocounicorn

    Ugh the way you responded to this article make my lady parts quiver. LOL excellent read

  • MaritimeGirl

    Thank-you to the author for your insight. This is something that I have been struggling with lately. I’m 24 years old (25 in March) and have been sexually active for almost 6 years. Late bloomer, I know ;) lol.

    Anyway — I haven’t had sex in almost 4 months because I have been trying to “save” myself for the right person. I have had some other encounters with a few guys, but NO sex.

    Most of the men I have been with (save for 3, maybe 4) I was in a committed dating scenario with. One silly night I hooked up with a guy friend and had a couple of one night stands which I’m not proud of but it happened. Anyway, approximately 75% if not more of the men I’ve been with were guys I knew fairly well and were dating.

    I have been very conscious lately and do not plan on having sex anytime soon unless I find someone and we end up dating. I am just tired of giving myself over to guys even when there is some commitment and either a) feeling as if i could have waited/not slept with them at all or b) having it not work out and wishing i had never hooked up.

    I am always, ALWAYS careful. I’m on the pill and use spermicide or a condom — always a condom if its someone I don’t know very well. I also always ask if the person is clean.

    I am hoping to move on from my past and realize that over time my number will not accelerate at the rate it has over the past several years. I don’t feel like a whore but I also never want to. I have been doing a lot of self-work lately — doing what makes me happy, etc and I think if I keep on with that I will be good. I do want to get married & have kids one day and I don’t want my future husband to have any questions I can’t answer.

    Like many other people I love sex & have a very high sex drive. I am proud to say I’m learning to make more conscious decisions and it feels great.

  • Pingback: Introducing The Dating Season « Joe Montana's Right Arm()

  • Jeff

    I’m a good looking 28 year old man. I am not ashamed at all to say that I have been with 8 women. To some men, this is very few. To others, it may be a bit more than they have had.

    What really irritates me is the idea we have in pop culture that men are the promiscuous ones. In reality, men are just the pursuers, and it’s up to women to accept or decline the proposal. Women today are accepting quite a bit of proposals from top men. Many of my male friends who are alpha males have slept with 60+ women. I would have that opportunity as well if I weren’t moral and extremely picky about who I spend my time with. But what about all the beta males who don’t have that opportunity? Is it really fair to them to have to settle down with a group of women who went out and shagged the neighborhood and then decided that these men are finally desirable to spend their lives with?

    The thing is every woman I meet has slept with 15 – 40 men. Its guaranteed. If a woman makes the choice that is fine. However, these choices have consequences. In this day of age, I simply don’t see the point of entering a relationship or putting a ring on a woman’s finger. I am financially better off myself, and don’t feel one bit sour about the option of raising an adopted family. Have fun ladies, hope you enjoy your “freedom”!

  • http://www.facebook.com/milla.johansson.167 Milla Johansson

    WRONG! Real sex is the best sex. You know, the kind you have with your spouse. No protection with the possibility of getting pregnant. Just like Adrienne Lima’s honeymoon. She waited until marriage and had her baby exactly nine months later. Now, THAT is beautiful.

  • anonymous

    wow honestly, guys, not a big deal.
    i grew up in a religious family and started very late, so my number is low.

    but honestly, i won’t judge a girl who has a high number or a low number. gotta admit, 50-60 is a bit high, but that does NOT mean a girl is immoral. it just means that she enjoys sex, and that she simply does not want a relationship yet or that she just hasn’t found someone who makes her want to settle down yet. if you are a very attractive girl who loves sex, i can see how #s can add up that quickly, even if you just sleep with 3 or so men a year.

    i am lucky that i started late, and though i have a great sex drive, i seem very innocent because of my low number. and it sucks that men judge us for our numbers and often have a hard time because of it— stupid really, they shouldn’t be looking at the numbers, which is equivalent to judging the girl for her past.. they should look at who the girl is in the present, and how much she loves him and is faithful to him in the present.

    the whole thing is retarded really. a guy with a high number gets high fives but a girl with a high number gets criticized for loving sex just as much.