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Would You Suck My… (Saving it For Marriage is Wack)

Posted by NWSO • February 22, 2011 • Printer-friendly

"Suck my d*ck!"

As much as I enjoy the exquisite art of head, to the best of my recollection, the above sentence has yet to come out of my mouth during the actual act. Mainly because of the negative connotation associated with requesting fellatio in such a manner. Quite frankly it's rude and ungentlemanly. Plus, there's the fact that actually asking someone to give you head is kind of corny. I want a chick to be like Lil' Kim with hers: "I used to be scared of the d*ck/Now I throw lips to the sh*t/Handle is like a real chick…"

But I digress....

So the other day I was having an IM conversation with a female friend and somehow or other the subject of head came up. Not sure how or why, but it did. I wasn't asking her to perform it or anything of the sort, it was just a general conversation on the oral arts.

Anyway, I've heard sisters say they don't do it or they don’t like it, but my friend surprised me when she said: "I'll never do it (again) without a ring."

What does a ring have to do with giving head? Is there some fine print in a marriage license that specifies spousal oral gratification that I never heard about? Sure, I understand the underlying basis of her statement—that's a part of her sexuality that she wants to reserve for someone she truly loves. Of course, you're husband should get the full extent of your freakdom so I’m not knocking that at all, ’cause who really wants a woman that randomly places penises in her mouth at any given moment? So the idea of being selective about who gets "blessed" is respected, but, once again; What's a ring have to do with it?

You mean to tell me if I've faithfully dated someone for two years I'm not supposed to expect head—not even on special days—because I haven't proposed? GTFOH! If that's the case, let me know from jump because then I can hold out on eating your pucci until you lose 10 pounds. (Oink! Oink! I know it's sexist, I just couldn't think of a better analogy. Sue me).

It’s not like I make a habit of going down on just anybody but if I enjoy a little "catnip" and care about you enough to be with you for X amount of time, I shouldn't indulge myself in pleasuring you just because I don't see marriage in our immediate future? Sorry, I don’t get the logic. If you’re not into it that’s one thing, but if you enjoy going down on someone or any other sexual act, I don’t see why someone should retire until they get hitched. But to each his or her own.

Now after pressing the issue further, my friend added more clarity to her stance on the topic: "It's degrading."

Pardon? Giving head is degrading? Since when?

I don’t know what dudes she’s been dealing with but it’s a beautiful, splendiferous and immaculate act in my book. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, if head isn't at least part of my wife's sexual arsenal we may have a problem. Not saying it has to be an every night thing, but I plan to be married for life and the idea of not having head for the rest of my sexual life is not an option that I'm willing to consider. Sorry, I love it too much. In fact, when done right it can be better than sex itself. (Yes, I did just say that).

I feel like I went off on a tangent (happens when I'm talking about something I'm passionate about LOL). Now where was I....

Oh, yeah, head is degrading? That one threw me for a loop. But my friend continued to explain that her view goes back to the insulting nature of telling someone to "suck my d*ck." She likened it to being one step below saying, "F#ck you" to someone. (Funny how two sexual acts have been relegated to insults, but just add "I want to" in front of either phrase and it goes from fighting words to f#cking words). Still, I could see where she was coming from.

If a guy callously skeets in a girl’s face and treats her like a porn star when she didn't want to be, then yeah that's degrading. But not everyone is thinking about head in that context when it’s about to go down—especially if you're about to go down too. Insulting you or degrading you is the last thing on my mind at that point in time. In fact, the woman has all the power in that situation. "You want me to take you to out tomorrow? You want me to put on some Timbs and a fitted and twirl a hula-hoop? Sure, anything, just don't stop what you're doing, girl."

In the name of all head givers and head lovers I defended the acts honor. Yes, blatantly telling someone to suck your d*ck is disrespectful, partly why I never ask for it and if I do it's much more subtle than that. ("Come on, just say hello, girl..." LOL) In fact, I can't even fathom myself uttering "suck my d*ck" in the heat of the moment because I can understand the insult factor in those words if taken out of context. I may say, "I like the way you suck my d*ck" or "don't stop sucking my d*ck" but where's the harm in that? It's just pillow talk, girl.

See, I enjoy head—giving it, receiving it, watching it, whatever—because head is a "blessing" indeed. You don't have to do it for me, just like I don't have to do it to you, but the fact you are is an added bonus to our physical relationship that is welcomed with open arms (and mouths). Yeah, it can be viewed as a selfish act because only one person is receiving pleasure, but giving my partner pleasure gives me pleasure and I hope whomever I'm intimate with would view it the same way. That's not to say that just any and everyone should get hit off, but if they are lucky enough to get blessed you better be sure to put your all in. We're here at this moment to pleasure each other, so let's take it to the limit. Why hold back? Cause I didn't give you a ring? Whatever.

In the bedroom, I operate under the philosophy that you should do unto others as you would have done unto you. So it's not that selfish an act on my part. No 68 and I owe you one crap. And trust that I'm not going to look at you in any negative way just because you "blessed" me. I'll respect you in the morning, noon, night, right now and right after. In fact, I'll respect you even more if you admit that you enjoy it just as much as me. Own your sexuality and oral skills. If you don't, then yeah, maybe you shouldn't be doing it after all. Nothing's worse than a half-ass blowjob or someone complaining during the whole act ("Is that enough?" "Can I stop now?" UGH! You're ruining it...)

Funny thing is, when I was an adolescent I never would have thought head would be such a big deal. I was under the naive assumption that Black girls didn't even do that and I sure as hell wasn't interested in performing it either. In fact, I found an old rap I had a while back that had a line that went something like, "I'll never eat cat, ‘cause, yo, that sh*t is wack..." Needless to say, I grew out of both beliefs. Cat is far from wack and I know now that almost everybody does it; regardless of race. It's just a once-taboo act that's a little less taboo in 2011.

But of course you'll still have a few people that'll still shun the practice for whatever reason. But to do it for a ring? As much as I enjoy it, I'd much rather someone bless me because they enjoy it and actually want to, not because I placed a piece of metal on their finger. Please don't lie to yourself or me and say you don't want to do it (or any other sexual act) at all but a ring magically makes a difference. You don't just wake up one day and realize you want to give head. You've always wanted to do it, but you just don't want to admit. But if it's not you're thing, hey, it's not your thing. Too bad, that really sucks.

Is there a sexual act that you would only do with your spouse? If so, what? Is this sacred act something you actually fantasize about or just something you’d consider if your spouse wanted to do it? What if he/she didn’t want to fulfill that fantasy act for you? Would you regret not having done it while you were single? Do you think it’s disrespectful for a man to ask for a woman to suck his d*ck? Would hearing that just ruin the mood? Was there a time where you thought oral sex was disgusting? What changed your mind? Do you think your oral skills are on point? Do you think good head can be better than good sex?

Speak your piece...

NWSO’S FEATURED ON A PANEL TONIGHT

Tonight yours truly is taking part in Human Intonation’s next HIV-awareness panel, alongside activist Maria Davis, spiritual leader Shawna Marie, and NAESM’s Craig Cobb. The topic this time is “Are You Sleeping With Claire Huxtable or Nicki Minaj?” Basically, an honest discussion to see whether people decide on whether or not to sleep with someone based on how they look and what health risks that line of thinking causes.

If you’re in New York, come join the conversation tonight Wednesday, February 23 @ Dwyer Cultural Center – 258 St. Nichols Ave. @ 123rd Street. Doors open @ 6, event starts at 6:30, wine reception afterwards. RSVP: info@humanintonation.com

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Tagged as: brains, freak, head, Marriage/Love, oral sex, prude

NaeSoBitchie

I love oral!! More so giving then receiving.... Yet I wouldn't go around giving any n every body head, hell to the know!! But head is a beautiful thing when done correctly (and safely )
NaeSoBitchie

And Another thing! Ppl kill me (females especially) saying the don't give head but turn around n go raw with the whole basketball team...O_o ... I tell u this much id suc ya dic before I fk u raw, That's just me
LadyK

I must say that there was a time when I thought oral sex was disgusting but once I tried it...I REALLY ENJOYED!!! I guess I thought it was disgusting all because of the fact that I knew what came out of it and I didn't want that stuff in my mouth or on me. Like I said, I tried it and I LOVED IT!!! I would never stop giving oral sex because I don't have a ring but I do not preform oral sex on somebody that I'm not in love w/ or who I don't have some kind of feelings for. I enjoy giving and receiving.
SistahChef

@NakedWithSocks Great article, she's missing out on some good times. The idea of her holding out until she gets a ring on it, is ludicrous!
Belve10

No head till she gets married? Seriously??!!
I have had this conversation with various women and I can see the point that they 'feel' degraded by the activity. But what she is basically saying [IMO] is that she is okay with her husband degrading her. What the huh?

And for the record I have said Suck my d!ck and some women see it as part of an assertive quality. Because for most women if you don't ask.. they figure they don't have to do it and I don't have time to be working through some code to get a blowjob.
Just don't bite it..lol
Andrea

I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving head. Its great foreplay and allows me to spoil my partner. I didn't really like it at first, I actually threw up a few times trying to deep throat. But an older ex-boyfriend "taught" me, he let me practice on him A LOT. If I'm with someone sexually I'm going to "suck his dick". I actually like when he asks me to "suck his dick" its a turn on LMAO!! I haven't tried anal sex and that's what I will wait to explore with my husband. Woman kill me rationalizing sex and sex acts like its a negotiation, I want to be pleased and please the one I'm with. If its not your thing fine but waiting til marriage after you've done it doesn't make sense. But to each is own........
ALIG83

Marriage or no marriage, oral sex isn't on my list of activities.
ALIG83

"...They figure they don’t have to do it..." <----- Well, they DON'T.
Nic

It's interesting to me that some women see giving it as "degrading." If you think about it, it's actually a position of power and control.
miss jay

I dont particularly like giving head, but my SO loves giving it to me which i love. So I do it almost as a "thank you" for his head. and apparently, im good at it, so its not the half-assed kind. I think its only right that if you want it, you must give it as well. I am however, holding out on anal sex before we get married.. just so its like my little wedding night present you know? cuz i'm not a virgin, but we are both anal virgins (he's never done it) so it can be our special thing that we both experience together when we're officially man and wife.
ALIG83

For whom? The woman or the man? Usually the man is the dominant one in the act.
Nic

For the woman. You've literally got him by the balls and you're controlling the pleasure he's receiving. I'm just saying you don't have to view it like it's demeaning. Sometimes how you feel about it is all about the mindset you approach it with.
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

That's a no no for me
it sounds like she wants to control her and the dudes sexual wantings.
Not doing it all the tine is one thing but not until marriage????
Now just going by her statement I can tell she honors marriage.
If that's the case why not NO sex at all until marriage.
In the words of Joe Clark/Morgan Freeman
" don't fuck around with it do it expedisously"
http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

I wouldn't go so far as saying that a person should hold out on oral until marriage. I WILL, however, say that putting a mouth on a bunch of random penises or vaginas isn't too kosher. NPR published an article yesterday that links it to throat cancer.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/02/23/133968901/virus-passed-during-oral-sex-tops-tobacco-as-throat-cancer-cause
Mrs. Birghtside

First and foremost let me just say I am with you 100% head is great for everyone involved. I dated a guy from high school for 4 years on and off, we went to the same university but didn’t date and are now working on our friendship since a relationship is out of the question until we are less than an hour away from one another. He loves getting head just as much as I love giving it; a match made in heaven.

As for what I won’t do until marriage, since high school I’ve been telling this guy that we can try anal sex two years after we are married. Anal sex is something I’m not really interested in doing (love watching it) but if my husband wants it I’ll give it to him after I know things are going well. I figure the first year everything hasn’t come out but by year two we are good and that sacrifice is worth it. It makes sense to me and he accepts its.
QuoteMan

Well, let's just say you haven't met a guy yet to give you a good reason to put that on your list. Love (lust) is a real thing, Ma. Lol...... When you do, rest assured, all your reservations will go out the window. And you too, will be saying "never in my life did I think I would be .........."

I remember back in the day, me and my boys used to say "fuck a tongue game when you got a mean pipe game". Well for me, one chick helped put all that silly talk to rest. Never say never; your days are numbered. Lol
QuoteMan

A closed mouth don't get fed; if you want something you gotta ask. But much like anything, is all in the manner by which you ask.

Now, I've heard a lot of women say they like giving more than receiving but my experience has proven otherwise. Yeah, maybe in the beginning when y'all trying to keep a dude. Then comes the excuses "my jaw hurts" "I got a toothache" "you take too long" blah blah ...... Smh
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

Head is a blessing
great sex gets you an apartment
great head get you a home

Head could have stopped Columbine
let them boys have gotten a good one the day of
thier whole outlook wouldve changed
EntertainmentsFuture

It makes me feel a certain way when people say things like "they are only certain things they would do with their spouse" because what if you husband/wife is messing around... that doesn't make it sacred. Just like NWSO said, a lot of these things ppl (most women) want to do but do not discuss it verbally in fear of being judged, or being called a freak or whore, slut. I can testify myself and say I wanted to try so many things but because the family members that are always around me are "Holier than thou x10" I would not say anything. I was a past fronter..
But after I stopped lying to myself, IT WAS ON! Personally I do not believe I am a master, but there is always room for growth. Practice makes Perfect. I guess giving head is definitely an art, because techniques that may work for one man may not for the next. Head can make up for sex.. but if you're bad a both, its a deal breaker...(forgive me I'd rather being great at both, but willing to compromise. but aint nothing wrong with being a lil selfish sometimes)
http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

One moment please.

Bye.

*skydives*
http://www.lesleyhal.com Mslediva

I'm one of the ones who was like i'll never give head because of what comes out of it, but I found a way to get over that little issue and learned that I love doing it with flavored condoms. I figured if he's going to do it to me why not return the favor. It's just plain selfishness not to do for your partner what he/she does for you.
flykiss

Agreed, but you have to be comfortable with it and it helps if you're good at what you do. That's when you feel the true power of it. If you're nervous and unsure about what you're doing, you won't feel empowered. But when you're comfortable with it and aim to truly please that man, like NWSO said, it can be even better than sex for him. And you may hear some sounds you never thought he could make lol.
thedrumlife

@NakedWithSocks I just texted a few of my female friends and they all said that it can be degrading...I'm shocked

thedrumlife

@NakedWithSocks your blog post has started a in interesting convo in my office!...I work w/ a group of 30/40 something women ...I LOVE it!

100K

Females who dont give head are wack. I was taught to never trust a woman who wouldnt perform oral.

Not that you trust EVERY woman who would do it, but the psychology behind it is that there's a level of being down with the program that a woman performing oral has for the dude she's doing it to.
YErdanos

I dont see why its degrading though... It can be degrading if you did it because you felt you HAD too ok I can see that but as a grown woman I find it enjoyable.
R.e.D

Are you serious with this statement?? DO you know what happened to her as to why she doesn't do this?? Maybe she was raped, maybe she was 8 years old when her cousin/stepfather/neighbour told her to suck my dick.
What the hell does that have to do with not trusting a woman?? Perhaps you are still young, but you should examine this statement again.
Rastaman

I am not married and I have never been so it’s probably too late to save any sex acts for any future spouse, well any I am particularly interested in. One of the reasons so many of us have sex is because it is pleasurable. If you are not having any fun you may want to review what you are doing wrong.
In the relationship marketplace perspective we are all sellers and buyers. Most relationships are about trading favors and every one of us knows that not all services are equal and some are not even as good as advertised. That is why in our setup it is necessary to do your research. Know who you are getting with so if all manner of sexual acts are part of your requirements then when you do your due diligence you can figure out if that other person can meet your needs. Sexual compatibility is just as important as emotional and spiritual compatibility in a relationship.
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

hold on I'm 27 and that's been the consensus of what I've heard from older dudes and young dudes..if she dont go down there's usually something causing her to not like it.. Belief structure,trauma,etc...
If u are traumatized from a past event you should let someone know before you gett to the point of a sex act that reminds you of it
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

LADIES
if the roles were reversed
would u care WHY a man didn't go down on you or just write him off?
YErdanos

I would be curious to know why he wouldnt.. write him off .. probably depends on the answer he gives.
Rastaman

One of the things that is not widely understood when we ask for a monogamous commitment is that we are saying that we will attempt to meet all the others needs, sexual included. Yeah, so you may want to bring those needs into the discussion early. Because for men especially those desires don’t go away. If he cannot get it from his lady, he is going to resent that and may eventually be seeking it somewhere else.
Whatever type of words couples use in their sexual interplay is between those parties involved, explicit, crude or vulgar language is how some folks spice their sex lives. As long as they are cool with it, I don’t see a problem. I had a GF who was the most proper person publicly, the few times she cussed when were together was always a little of a shock. Speaking to her explicitly in bed was a big turn on for her…she loved it…not necessarily how I rolled but you have to learn your partner so that you can make the experience memorable. If you engage in sex only doing what you like to do you might as well masturbate because at the end of the day that other person don't really matter.
B.Better

Personally I love giving head. I like the sense of control I have over my lover. I think its rather foolish to hold out on certain acts primarily for a ring. I will say that I haven't gone anal because I am so fearful of the actual act, that I just tell dudes "thats" for my husband (lol). Do I fantasize about going anal of course, but I am just so nervous about it.

But back to head I agree with you NWSO head is a beautiful thing, there is nothing more beautiful than two lovers partaking in a 69. Now in the heat of the moment if my lover said "I want you to suck my dick" or just "suck my dick" I wouldn't feel any kind of way but if we are just chilling and he busts out "suck my dick", I'd look at him side ways and then go off. But I feel like sucking dick should not be a big issue in 2011...so ladies suck a dick it'll make you and your man happy. LMAO
R.e.D

Preach, you and I are making the same point.

100K stated that women who don't are 'wack' and that he doesn't 'trust' them. That is why I am taking issue with the statement. I have to come back and fully expound on this point...
Nikki

Thank Goodness!! I thought you were going soft o with some of the previous posts. This is right up my alley. As a black woman who enjoys giving oral I can honestly say I understand where your "friend" was coming from. As much as I believe that it is an empowering and expressive way of enjoying sex I can also relate to women who feel like it is a bit demoralizing. In certain positions and with certain men this can seem taudry to say the least. I've had guys rub my head (like a puppy) in excitement and others to get carried away with assisting me in performing. The truth of the matter is that once a woman who is already uncomfortable experiences this and then a subsequent breakup, she can view it as a mistake. But I on the other hand see no difference than a woman withholding sex until marriage. I know men whose significant others checked out of the bedroom until marriage, even after the ring was gifted. Those same men just sought pleasure elsewhere. The reality is that sex is an important part of any relationship. Whether we admit it or not, the need to get down and dirty with a partner in an animalistic sense is indeed ingrained in all of us. I would encourage women who fear or even dislike performing oral to gradually step into the arena with a trusted lover. Afterall, they just may succumb to the hypnotic powers of oral gratification. Lawd knows I sure did!
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Uh oh, she'll be back fellas. LOL
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Hey, who you calling soft o? lol
jaclynsd

First off favorite part…“Can I stop now?” LMAO

Is there a sexual act that you would only do with your spouse? Yup, you have to save something.

If so, what? Well that's for my future spose to know. =)

Is this sacred act something you actually fantasize about or just something you’d consider if your spouse wanted to do it? Not fantasized but if my spouse would like to act on it I’d seriously consider it. Especially if we’ve been married for a while. I’m a giver.

What if he/she didn’t want to fulfill that fantasy act for you? Um then he wouldn’t be married to me. Goes both ways.

Would you regret not having done it while you were single? No, that act is for someone you have a deep connection and a lot of trust.

Do you think it’s disrespectful for a man to ask for a woman to suck his d*ck? It depends who it is. If you just started dating this guy and he pulls that then yes. Its tacky and immature but if you been w/someone for a while he should know how to ask w/out it coming out crude.

Would hearing that just ruin the mood? No, it may just make it sound more dirty and to mix it up as a woman you may want to tell him you want him to um f*ck you. Lol If you’re in a long term relationship it’s good to mix it up and try new things as long as you both have a deep connection and know that words are only words. The act itself is what matters.

Was there a time where you thought oral sex was disgusting? Yes of course every good girl does. Especially if you were raised in a religious household and thought that only wh*res did things like that. I mean when I was a teen I didn’t even think married couples did that.

What changed your mind? I was w/someone for a long time. He had a lot of patients and was very understanding. He did it for me so it was only natural that I wanted to please him the same way. We broke up but even know I still reserve that act for only someone really special. No ring but a deep connection and of course in a long term relationship.

Do you think your oral skills are on point? Like I said my first was real patient and the best thing he thought me is that you have to enjoy performing the act. The more you love something (and someone) the better you’re at it.

Do you think good head can be better than good sex? Oh yeah.
jaclynsd

Anything can be degrading if your being (feel) degraded by the other person. Only you and you alone have choice if someone is going to degrade you. Unless of course we’re talking rape/molestation. Empowerment is when you take control of your sexuality. Think about it you have a man’s most precious member in your mouth and you have teeth, that, whether you realize it or not requires a lot of trust and you and you alone hold the key on how the scenario is going to work out. I’m not saying you’ll hurt the guy but you decide what happens w/your mouth and what will go in it.
BlackLoveRules

Maybe people confuse sex acts with intimacy? Head is pretty amazing and with a partner who you enjoy "blessing" and who enjoys being "blessed" it's stratospheric. I agree that the woman is in the position of power but true intimacy shouldn't be about who has power over the other...it should be about sharing an amazing physical and emotional and spiritual experience. I save unadulterated free-spirited intimacy for marriage--it's not about the act performed. And if a dude makes you feel degraded you shouldn't have ANY kind of sex with him. A ring has NOTHING to do with it. Damn, these stupid ring-related games make it so hard for us to interact freely with each other. STOP THE GAMES.
jaclynsd

Now are we talking about females who wont ever do the act or females who wont do the act on you? I'm not trying to be funny i'm just asking. There is a dif.

Woman and men who dont do the act have their own issues as to why. I think someone option out shouldn’t be thought of as untrustworthy just because they wont perform a sexual act. Better to ask why then to think…well can trust you then...ur dismissed. Your sexuality is your own I dont think it insinuates your an untrustworthy person.
ALIG83

I mean what I say and say what I mean. It's very rare for me to change my mind and I am not easily influenced by other people.'Giving head' isn't something that will ever be on my to-do list for any man.
ALIG83

I bet he is serious.

He sounds like another 'man' who only views women as what they can do for him sexually as evidenced by his use of the word 'female'.
ALIG83

Female what?

Are we talking about female cows or female snakes?
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

So does the same apply to you receiving oral sex? Figure since you're so staunch against performing, it'd only be fair that you deny when offered.

And let's say your husband loved performing but never asked for return, would you never feel selfish about not returning the favor if he told you one day he would really enjoy it?
Half a hero

I find it enjoyable too!!!
Half a hero

I think that once you get a certain age head should be a prerequisite! Sometimes thats all I want... no sex just brain!!!
ms.virgo

When I was younger I thought giving head was the most disgusting thing ever and I couldn't even see myself receiving it. But as of now giving my man head is one of the things I like to do most there's nothing like being able to make him squirm with just the flick of your tongue and vice versa. NOW I WILL NEVER EVER GIVE HIM HEAD IF HE SAID "suck my d**k" that's one of the most disrespectful things you could say to a chick. Waiting for a ring to give head is ridiculous unless you're a virgin I believe giving head is a loving intimate act between you abs your partner and should be treated as such not something gross also if you don't like getting or giving head you haven't been with the right person
YErdanos

Thinking about those that will only give Oral pleasure( yes damn pleasurable) once they are married makes me think..do you think you will like less or more once you are hitched?.. Im thinking you will not performing even once married... Once he proposed and you said yes you still wont give him pleasure? Not even omg Im so happy to be getting married to this man type of head.. Not even birthday head..
jaclynsd

Whatever box you fill when you’re asked if you’re male or female on a form.

My comment wasn’t meant to insult women but rather to defend women who opt out of oral. Sorry if the only thing you saw was the female part or if it offended u.
Distinguished Gentlewoman

I must admit, I LOVE giving head. I'm oral fixated, so I get great pleasure from... You get the picture. Plus, I really get off on knowing that I'm pleasing my partner. On the other hand, I could do without being on the receiving end. I have never seen—or rather, felt—what the big deal was with being eaten. To each his/her own, I guess.

I have two friends who feel the same way as your friend, Naked. That oral is degrading. One is married and says she has always thought of it as being demeaning, so she never pleasures her hubby. The second tried it once and decided to never do it again after her boyfriend's penis socked her in the eye and gave her a black eye. She avoided her mother for weeks, because she didn't know how to explain that one. But again I say, to each his own.
R.e.D

You know, I was almost offended by the title of the post. So does it mean when you give head then that makes you.....'cool'?? What the hell is that NWSO??

I'm happy everyone here today has had pleasant experiences with men and sex, that all the woman are proud head givers, that everyone has had wonderfully perfect childhoods where there was no abuse/molestation/degradation/rape. B/C you see, after enduring such events events, usually one of 2 things occur: The woman becomes somewhat promiscuous OR the woman becomes somewhat sexually repressed. All I am getting at is please do not label women as wack, just b/c they are telling you they don't perform fellatio anymore or have a problem with it. You don't see what she sees every time she has to get on her knees and perform. There needs to be some clarification as to what the underlying problem is b/c chances are if one cared enough, one would take the time to see that maybe something is wrong.
R.e.D

But really, I think you misunderstood the point. It's not like she is saying, 'Ohhh I will hold off on giving head b/c I want to force him to marry me.' Please, women know this is not going to make you marry us any quicker b/c you will just get it from someone else. I am thinking, it was more along the lines of.. maybe she is trying to change her life, maybe she realizes pre-martial sex is sinful and sharing herself like that should be reserved for her husband. It isn't the 'ring' part of it. You have to look deeper, she is likely searching for more than just a bump/suck/grind.
R.e.D

I see you have jokes on me nwso, lol...it's all good though...I can't add the last bit of my comment below, but I'll stop. I am tired trying.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Actually, the wackness in title is not directed at a woman but the idea of not doing it (slicing hairs I know). It's my honest opinion/reaction. Like, damn, that's wack.

The other direction you took was not part of the experience/conversation with my friend over IM.

on the flip, I've dealt with women with oral sex issues, but usually it was that they didn't want to receive for some of the reasons you mention but were still open to giving.
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

But red she gotta be able to voice that though...nobody likes being surorised by past trauma
true story : on a date with a woman to see madeas family reunion. During the movie anytime the girl got beat my fate would SCREAM... Come to find out her ex whipped her ass OFTEN. She screamed so much people in the movies looked at me like I was the one who hit her. Then the movie has the girl beatin on the dude she yells out HIT HIM HIT HIM
when the movie ended I felt like Chris Brown
R.e.D

Preach, if you have ever spoken to/known someone who has been abused, then you would know it is not easy to talk about. In fact you want so badly to forget it ever happened that you put it in the back of your head and pretend that it didn't. And then you see something or someone and you are reminded yet again of events you wished you could erase from your memory.
NWSO all the best on the panel tonight.
http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

Red I know first thru my abuse and my members of my family. I'm just saying j wish she could have warned me before she screamed at the top of her lungs..
Trust me the movies Radio Flyer and Pursuit of Happyness I can not watch without reliving my stuff..I know if it comes on I needs to chnage the channel or leave
bizzyone718

NWSO I have been checking this site out for a while and finally decided to respond to this craziness. ALIG83 let me start by saying a marriage or a long term relationship is about giving and taking and there is nothing degrading about giving the person u luv the pleasure tht he r she deserves. I enjoy giving my wife oral sex and if I didnt enjoy it I will still give it because of the pleasure she receives. However u think about it not giving ur significant other head is a selfish and immature and u have to get over tht.
ALIG83

I don't ask people to do what I wouldn't do myself. And just so you know, I have denied receiving oral sex.

I don't plan to have a husband because I am not interested in marriage but if I were, I would let my husband know upfront that I don't give oral sex. It's his decision as to whether or not he wants to respect that. I cannot feel guilty or selfish when I have warned you upfront and you chose to do whatever anyway.
http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

Not really. In college, had a long-term boyfriend who wouldn't do it because he said that'd be reserved for whoever he married. That was fine with me; saved me the energy of doing it to him and he didn't (seem to) mind. *shrug*

But now, who knows. Not sure if it'd matter to me or not. Would have to be in that situation to make a decision.
Vee

Personally, I never thought I'd give head. I found it to be disgusting, and that's why I was always so terrified about discussions like this where men and some women are saying that if you don't do it you're selfish or how your man will go and find it somewhere else. Basically saying that in order to have a relationship you need to give head. I don't think that's true, I think there are men out there who can find enough enjoyment in "just" sex or hand jobs, whatever.

I think that if a woman, for whatever reason, doesn't want to give head, then that's her right and it doesn't make her selfish or unable to "give". And if the guy knows that and still want to give her head, then why shouldn't she allow it? If both parties know what's up, then whatever right?

I'll save my personal experience for later since it contradicts with my point!
Rastaman

Sexy is a tricky subject and I would say some of us have expressed our views about oral sex in a rather insensitive way. Because at the end of the day its what both people in a mutually consenting relationship agree to....
So NWSO your girl may end up with a dude who does not see a lack of head as a deal breaker, he may not even like the act and agree with her that the act is degrading. I know for a fact she is not the only man or woman who believes that about oral sex.

I think some of the fellas here maybe responding to her "no oral til marriage" declaration as some sort of deceptive move on her part. Whether it is or not is between her and her future husband. That is why couples need to discuss all their expectations. Buyer beware!!

For a little perspective, I know a man who has fathered about 28 kids with over a dozen different women who is vehemently against oral sex. He does not give it and think women who do are nasty and disgusting. So think about that...
ALIG83

Huh? It's selfish and immature for one to not like oral sex? If another man asked to have sex with you, would it be selfish and immature for you to decline? Where do you get off telling someone to 'get over' something? It's your personal belief that oral sex may not be degrading. Everyone else doesn't have to feel the same way you do. I don't see why I would care whether or not you enjoy giving your wife oral sex.

You seem to be taking what I said very personal, as if you are in a relationship with me or something.
http://robyninrealtime.tumblr.com rw

wow, you really took it there....
i dont't think youve written that much in awhile, but i digress........
a lot of women don't enjoy it, they just do it to put it on there sexual resume, which makes it an experience which could be great if she enjoyed it, same for men too
the older i get the higher my freak flag flies and the less i care about judgements, marriage? say what?
YErdanos

I attended tonights event.. I walked away really informed a bit buzzed from the wine but scared shitless too! I know it's you can't have trust in everyone at all times but part of me walked out feeling more protected of my heart..1 of the reasons I attended to try connect with people .. On the train ride home though I .. Hearing all those people that spoke & it kinda clicked. For the first time I got female condoms at this event . I opened it asap when I got home & it's huge & the instructions on the back oh god & the packing is awful!!! A man did that! Lol
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Thanks for supporting. Appreciate it. Female condoms are kinda clunky
YErdanos

Really though why can't a female condom be as small as a Male condom. And may I say carrying a condom on me always made me feel.. Now it's on me not for me maybe but it's my duty to always carry just in case if I see something about to go down... Do the right thing & Pass that condom on.lol
MonaLisa

@ NWSO...a guy that I used to be involved with told me that receiving head could sometimes be more enjoyable than sex because with sex he had to concentrate on not coming but with head he could just lay back and enjoy it. I wonder if the same goes for you...(?)
But, with me, I will only give a guy head if I know that he respects me and I feel like he deserves it. I once made this guy wait over a year because I didn't feel like he deserved it, even though he was willing to go down on me that whole time. Hey, I didn't ask him to.
I have recently come to enjoy giving it once I figured out why I didn't like it. It definitely can be degrading if you are giving it to the wrong person. This is usually the case with younger guys that you sleep with too soon or if it's just about sex. Know who your dealing with.
Wmofyr

Seems like all men will. So if I met one who won't, I'd be thinking he hadn't made hundreds of trips "around the block." I'd be impressed a little.
Wmofyr

Frankly, I don't even want the "spray" stuff touching me. lol

Anyway, I read online that some men loose their ability to get "excited"... at non head times. And women say their tastebuds hate it.
Wmofyr

Keep that ish in a condom. lol
romrealist

I LOVE head! GETTING & even giving @NakedWithSocks it rude to just ask someone to put their mouth on your,uhm,you know? http://nwso.net/2011/02/22/saving-oral-s...
http://theromanticrealist.com theromanticrealist

i LOVE HEAD. Getting it especially - and in recent years - I'm a lover of giving as well. To me - sex is important.. but if a man isn't a head-giver.. well then he isn't a man I want to keep around. Luckily, in my years of hooking up.. I have been with men who LOVE going down on women. Most recently the man I was with couldn't stop. I'm talking hours.. of play.. with mostly him going down. What hottness. There is nothing I like more than a man who knows how to use his tongue... and fingers. And i have no qualms about letting them know how I like it.

When it comes to giving - i like a man to be vocal. Not too much.. but when I know they are enjoying it.. well.. I'm more likely to give an encore performance. As a woman, having someone's dick in my mouth does feel like a powerful thing. Definitely NOT degrading. I like turning my man on.. and there's isn't much that is sweeter than making eye contact with your lover while his manhood is grazing your lips.

I could NEVER EVER marry someone without knowing their sexual style. So if I'm not getting head .. we aren't getting down.
YErdanos

Last night I met a man who told me he doesnt like to go down on a woman but he loves getting head. I had to ask why didnt he like giving? and he couldnt give me a clear answer but did say he has gone down on a woman before. Im not gonna lie the minute he said I dont like it I was turned off..But at least he was forth coming..
Wmofyr

A power thing? The woman has teeth? ...

There isn't a woman alive who brave enough to bite down on a man.
Wmofyr

Fear aint power.
http://robyninrealtime.tumblr.com rw

some men like to feel the teeth, #Imjussayin
Audrey

Saving it all for marraige, because of the level of trust. Yes I would trust any man I date (unless he gave me reason not to) but I want it to be something special for the man who loved me enough to make our commitment permanent.
Jessica Jacob

Naked, would you get into a relationship with a woman and even marry who wanted so wanted to abstain from all sexual acts before marriage?
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

I've abstained before, my decision actually when I had just came out of a real sexual relationship and wanted to clear my head. So as a test of sorts to make sure my focus was on the woman not the physical I abstained. We messed around a little but didn't take it there for a while. I've also fasted from sex for 30 days for Ramadan, which is a short time when you really think about it.

And ideally I'd like to abstain for some point of time prior to getting married so there's some build up to the actual wedding night. Maybe a few months before the date we'd swear off sex til we say I do.

So basically yes is the answer to your question
Jessica J

Ahh ok, but could you go, say, a year and a half with nothing more than kissing happening between you and the woman you love?
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Depends on a bunch of variables, namely what is the reason for this year and a half gap. Another country? Religious? Rape? Separate beds? Medical condition? Just because? Did she/I cheat and this is some test of wills? Have we had sex before? How old are we? Are we married? Engaged? Just dating?

It's an open-ended question that I can't honestly answer without knowing the full circumstances.
Jessica J

I know you're probably tired of these question but I like to ask guys these: If her reasons are abstaining from all sexual acts till marriage were purely for Christian beliefs? For God?
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Again, it's tough to give a definitive answer not actually being in the situation and knowing the emotional connection and where I and this fictional her is in life. If in my heart of hearts felt this was the one, I could forsake sex with her* until marriage, especially if it's a religious issue. Regardless of my varying views I don't mess with people's religious beliefs because that's the core of a person, who the heck am I to make someone go against their belief system and cause them internal turmoil? Same goes for marriage because that a vow before God, so I look at people that cheat in marriage with a definite side-eye. Off topic, I know but..

#Out

*With myself doesn't count right?
Jessica J

Lol well that's a whole different topic of discussion but I understand your answer haha. Thank you for replying.
Treacle

I have always loved oral, I loved it the first and second time I did it, but obviously after he broke my heart, I felt like I'm gonna avoid doing it until I'm in a fully committed relationship because I feel like he took something away from me. (I never got oral, I stopped him when he tried).. so erm.. lol
http://squammie.wordpress.com Stephen Quammie

It all depends on the view point and personal experiences. I for one am a big fan of oral fixations and no I can't wait until marriage...for that. You can take intercourse off the menu until marriage, fine, but not oral lol.
helloimdonna

Is there a "Head for Dummies" manual? I would like some tips ~ Any tips?
http://robyninrealtime.tumblr.com rw

if you're in nyc, babeland does fellatio, and deep throat classes
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Also, PauletteBajanGirl gave a very good how to in this thread:

http://nwso.net/2009/02/05/bad-head-uhm-it’s-not-working-boo/

The ladies seemed to like her tips
helloimdonna

ahahaha! That is too cool ~ being from a tiny li'l ole town off the coast of Seattle ~ an Island, literally! ~ who NEVER heard of classes for Fellatio! What a trip! I love it! I suppose i will have to youtube it! Than tho, RW ~
http://alvinmilton.com AGDM

Like Chris Rock said, "Girl, they still make you?

Seriously though, don't be obsolete (ha). I have never heard of anyone really complaining about this act, either performing or receiving.

Furthermore, I find that anyone I encounter with this mindset generally has issues with their bodies, sex, and relationships in general.
Loving it now…

Married for too many years to the wrong guy, HATED giving him head. Felt degrading and a chore. Met the right guy, and I LOVE giving him head. It is incredibly intimate and loving with the right person. I love watching him in ecstasy, knowing that I am providing that to him. That is what true love is about, making your partner happy.
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nobodyitellyou

I don't Know a lot like me, but I don't think I'll ever engage in sexual activity, even kissing on the mouth, unless and until I am married. I wonder sometimes if That may have something to do with my constant solitude as far as relationships go, but with all the failed and dysfunctional relationships I see all around me, I'm actually quite happy with the state of my life. I have a lot of friends, male and female, and our friendships are more stable than a heck of a lot of closer relations. When stability and longevity is desired, I have found simple friendships to be more than adequate. I have precious few regrets in this matter.
nobodyitellyou

I don't Know a lot like me, but I don't think I'll ever engage in sexual activity, even kissing on the mouth, unless and until I am married. I wonder sometimes if That may have something to do with my constant solitude as far as relationships go, but with all the failed and dysfunctional relationships I see all around me, I'm actually quite happy with the state of my life. I have a lot of friends, male and female, and our friendships are more stable than a heck of a lot of closer relations. When stability and longevity is desired, I have found simple friendships to be more than adequate. I have precious few regrets in this matter.