How Do You Get Pregnant By Accident? (It’s Your Fault)

0 Posted by - February 24, 2011 - Uncategorized

WORDS BY DA THRONE

I was watching a documentary on the history of the bikini the other day (I love learning things LOL) and I thought it was fascinating watching how something as simple as swimwear could impact culture worldwide. That got me to thinking even deeper about why society is so determined to place stigmas on people.

Now, obviously religion plays a huge role in our history and how we view our sexuality. Also, a lot of our double standards and/or sexist beliefs are anchored in ignorance from a male dominated world; but are some of these stigmas a good thing?

I know I can think of one stigma that was probably better left in place and I think our society is suffering because we have moved passed it. This is a stigma against single mothers. Now before all the single mothers become irate hear me out. I’m aware a lot of single mothers had every intention to be with the father of their children (whether married or not) and there are those who have been raped, but most single mothers are so due to their own damn negligence. Today, there are so many methods (too many to name) that allow females to go wild without becoming pregnant.

So if modern medicine/technology isn’t the problem then what is?

Laziness!

When a female/male can reproduce with little to no repercussions clearly putting on a condom becomes “too much work.” Sure mistakes will happen but not at the rate it’s happening now. If you want to set your own life back then that’s your business, but when you start factoring in kids to me there’s a problem.

Now that young girls aren’t given the “Scarlett letter” treatment it seems like it becomes a cycle of babies having babies. Young girls seem to make babies as some sort of fashion statement. In a short time it seems like this stigma has been completely reversed. What was once frowned upon is now praised. It’s like if you’re a person without a kid pass 25 there must be something wrong with you.

I know the incredible rate at which single mothers are being made is so much deeper than just placing stigmas on young females, but we have a serious problem when the attitude towards unwed pregnancies is this nonchalant. I would be so disappointed in my daughter if in this day and age she allowed herself to become pregnant by “accident.” What happened to the days of holding people accountable for their actions? Between all the contraception available for females, coupled with the use of a condom, unplanned pregnancies should be under 0.00000001%.

What are your thoughts on teen pregnancy? Do you think Da ThRONe is right about putting a stigma on unwed mothers could be a good thing? Is it a double standard that men/boys that get someone pregnant and leave usually get off the hook Scott free? Is there really an excuse for an unwanted pregnancy with all the means of contraception we have nowadays? Are you generally surprised when you meet someone over 25 that doesn’t have kids? Do you think people should only have kids in a committed relationship? Would you tell your kid if he/she were an accident? Do single mothers get more of a bad rap than deadbeat dads?

Speak your piece…

  • paulette_bajan_gal

    Uhm….why aren’t you talking about the fathers??Aren’t you engaged to a woman who has a child with someone else??Was she lazy and careless??

    Again….this whole article leaves out the father….isn’t his sperm the reason why the chick got pregnant in the first place??Seriously.Tell your boys to stay in them balls homie.And if they can’t stay there….stand up and raise your damn kids.Single mothers may get pregnat with his help but most of them sure as hell ain’t getting his help to raise the children produced.

    What the heck is going on with the attack on black mothers lately??So insulting.

  • http://mynameismisswhite.blogspot.com Miss White

    I agree with u a hunniiiiiiit percent! The excuses is what keeps the nonsense going. Not only the ones people make for themselves but those of their families and loved ones like. It’s like, really? REALLY??? Yeah idk. Calling people out, including myself cuz I’ve made a few dumb mistakes myself, is a start. Oh…and that line about being damn near labeled infertile if u don’t have kids and you’re over 25??? Wtf is the deal with that???

  • MonaLisa

    Wow…wth is this mess? Sorry but you could have saved this.
    First of all, from where i’m sitting at, teen pregnancy is still frowned upon. No people aren’t sending their kids away to have their baby elsewhere to keep it a secret, but I know there is still shame in being a pregnant teenager. And have you looked up teen pregnancy rates from past years?how do you know if things have gotten worse? My mother was a teenager in the 60s and every single one of her 7 sisters had a kid when they were teenagers.
    As far as women getting pregnant from laziness…it’s nice to know that you can see thru walls and watch people gettin it in. Of course some kids were created from people being too lazy to put on a condom but how many were created from a man convincing a woman not to use a condom ? Speaking of men, there wasn’t any mention of them. I guess women can get pregnant on their own these days,huh?
    Yes society doesn’t look down on single grown ass mothers like they used to but I think that’s a good thing. Forget how you got pregnant and what other people think about it. All that matters once the child is here is raising, loving, and providing for the child.
    Hoprfully this all made sense because I am sleepy and irritated…

  • Junegemini

    Yet again, man opens his mouth or strokes his keyboard and ignorance abounds. In this patriarachal society where women are blamed for many things, this strikes a low blow. Women and men are equally responsible for pregnancy and should bear the responsibility equally.

    Should single moms continually be bashed, No. Should the stigma be put back into place, umm-check the news it’s still there. I think it’s completely ignorant to place the blame for the rise in single parents solely on the backs and uteri of women. Women cannot get pregnant without sperm from man. There are repercussions to being a single parent, stop allowing media portryals of single moms, as lazy people to shape your idea of why women are choosing to parent solo. Raising a child as a single parent is a path I chose and I don’t need non-parents and other misinformed people telling me how I am screwing up the next generation with my choice.

    I disagree with DaThrone, continuing the stigma placed on single moms won’t change anything but MEN GROWING UP AND ACCEPTING THEIR ROLE IN THE DEMISE OF TWO-PARENT FAMILIES JUST MIGHT!

    Having a child in a committed relationship does not guarantee that the child will be raised with both parents, so now I think anyone is wants to have a child and has the financial and mental abilities to take care of a child should have a child. I think teen pregnancy can be prevented with proper education and I think unwanted pregnancies happen for a variety of reasons including birth control failure.

    That is all.

  • Lyndon

    His points are valid. Hurtful to read? Yes. Did he exclude men (and our role) from the equation? Absolutely.

    The bottom line is many brothas are irresponsible with their slingin and sistas know it. Many women know before hand he has children by other women, but have deluded fantasies of being the chosen one that he’ll act right with. We are fundamentally fucked up that way. And to tell you the truth, we have always been that way. We cast reality aside between the sheets and live the horror after- sometimes making repeated mistakes.

    Black men live selfishly.. We’ve always been that way. To the woman that thinks she will single-handedly change the dynamic more power to her, but how long do we have to watch our shit go up in flames. Da Throne took made an honest observation about our plight, and he aint miss by much.

  • http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan

    The should be more of a stigma against misogynist blog posts.

    Come on! Single parenthood largely results from immature, sorry ass men that don’t own up to their responsibilities. Single mothers that I know have tried and tried (and tried again) to make things work with the father of their child. Could women do a better job of not picking losers? Sure. But more often than not their intentions are good…they want to build something TOGETHER. I’m not sure I can say the same for a lot of men.

    Sorry bruh, but you’re way off on this one. I should have known when you referred to women as “females” in the article, which is somewhat dehumanizing and a few steps away from “bitch.”

    Oh yeah, you mention you would be “disappointed” in your daughter if she had an unplanned pregnancy. How would you feel if it was your son? Any different?

  • Bear

    The women have the power to say put a condom or use some type of protection a lot of guys will run up in anybody raw…so it’s on both but The females I think enjoy having kids because of the attention they receive IMO I can count on my hands and toes and other peoples hands and toes how Many females I know that had no business hsving the child by the guy they had it with and now daddy ain’t around and they are miserable I say it again The author is right because it’s on the female she gets the credit when taking care of The child she also takes the blame for having it it’s a catch 22 bottom line is tell dude to strap up I been having sex for 13 years and a condom never broke on me or when I did have unprotected sex I didn’t have any “accidents” why? Because I don’t need or want a kid that I know I’m not ready for and I dont wanna have a kid by a female who already has a kid or have a kid by just any female….

  • Belve10

    Fact is saying “I’m a single mother” gets a woman a form of moral credit that was not the case 25 – 35 years ago.
    I don’t agree that females (just because your a mother and/or female does NOT make you a woman OR a lady. Please stop taking personal offense to a generic term that is meant to be inclusive) should be stigmatized any more than they are in society. The elephant in the room is abortion and who is left to make the choice.
    I have a child by “accident” and I find it funny how few dirty looks I get when its mentioned. Also the supportive tones she gets when telling folks that she is a single mother but that we are partner parents. But the funny thing is had it been my choice I would have “taken another route” after-the-fact. And yes not using a condom was our shared ignorance. But then we were both over 30 by this time.. grown enough to own up to the choice.
    Having a child in these days and times is a choice — Simple and plain and as long as females have a greater voice in that choice when it comes to yes or no for an abortion, then they HAVE to assume the greater responibilty for that choice they didn’t make.
    No guy can MAKE a woman have an abortion even if he feels the choice is wrong. And sure you can pound the table and say.. Why let it get that far beforehand! and you would be absolutely correct but it doesn’t change the facts of choices.
    Abortion was/is the game changer in the rise of single parent households. If you take away the right to choose, how many more females (AND males) would alter their thoughts about having sex?

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Da throne is right
    They got shows about being teen moms like that mess is cute.
    If anybody is offended please take your sensitivity out your ears and grow up.
    The TRUTH is always hard to hear but instead of internalizing what he said and taking the best from it your actin out.
    STOP shifting the blame back to the fathers…
    We all know fathers could do more but what that got to do with YOU making sure you don’t get pregnant by some loser??

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Not being facetious with you but when you say choose…you mean u knew before you were pregnant you wanted to do it yourself? Or you knew early on it would be better if just you raised the child?
    Once again no shade or snarkiness throwing just curious…

  • Chrissy

    I half agree with this article. Women are the ones who will bear most of the responsibility if they get pregnant, so it is up to them to be more responsible with who they sleep with and their birth control. You already know that if a man wants to bail it is easier for him to do so, so choose wisely. I am not saying that him bailing is right, but we dont live in fantasy land.

    Also some women end up getting pregnant by fcuk buddies and expect that man to be father of the year. I mean seriously?? Does he even want kids with you? It doesnt make any sense. If the man you got preganant by was just hittin it and it was just sex, why do you expect him to be comitted to raising a child when there was never any commitment to begin with. I dont understand that.

    I dont think the stigma should be reinforced at all but people need to stop with the foolish behavior. Letting a man go raw? Seriously? And then say that was an accident. Um no. Does birth control fail? Yes. Plan B, anyone?

    Oh and as far as teen pregnancy back in the day…my grandmother was pregannt at 14 by a man who ran off. But she met another man and they married each other and stayed together until he died (he died young). I think my other grandmother was preganant as a teen too but she eventually married. I dont think it is a good idea to look at the past for teen pregnancy because those were different times, and there wasnt birth control like there is now. Plus those women married young too.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    This is a visceral reaction and (probably) just what ThRONe wanted….. Right, ThRONe ;-)

    ThRONe chose to focus on mothers this time around. While I agree that men NEED to be held accountable, the focus of this post is the mothers. In essence and in my opinion, to bring fathers into this (for now) just takes the focus off what ThRONe’s post purpose is. If this was a post about fathers, plenty of men would say “Well, what about the women??!?”

    Also (and I can’t believe that I’m about to agree with ThRONe; WTH is the world coming to?), there are women who are irresponsible with contraception. Are they a majority? Probably not and hopefully not. (As a matter-of-fact, take a look at this: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/15/health/research/15pregnant.html?_r=1 ) Is it uncommon? I doubt it.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Just to cover myself, no offense intended at all. Just contributing to what could be a decent debate.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    C’mon, though, it’s totally unfair to say it ALL falls on a woman with sexual practices and protection. Yes, she’s the one that can get pregnant and it’s her body that gets morphed but he CAN also be the one that impregnates her, the one that didn’t pull out, the one that pushes to use a rubber or ask if she’s on the pill AND actually check.

    It’s a two way street, with a two-sided problem..

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    I agree with this:

    “No guy can MAKE a woman have an abortion even if he feels the choice is wrong. And sure you can pound the table and say.. Why let it get that far beforehand! and you would be absolutely correct but it doesn’t change the facts of choices.

    Not as an excuse, but I’ve aways felt at the end of the day with that particular decision that a man has no choice in what she decides to do in terms of life or death.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Now THIS is an example of a misogynistic comment. What ThRONe said is mild compared to this ridiculous comment. :-|

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    I think you give ThRONE too much credit LOL. From what I know of him he just speaks his mind regardless and don’t think he even thinks of visceral reactions just what he feels.

    My two pence

  • JC

    What are your thoughts on teen pregnancy?- Hmmm, I think it is becoming more common and acceptable because of the show Teen Mom. In a way it does glorify things. While every girl that gets pregnant won’t be on that show, as someone else said there will be attention, good or bad she is going to get 15mins of attention.

    Do you think Da ThRONe is right about putting a stigma on unwed mothers could be a good thing?- No…if I remember correctly when I took Sex-Ed it was a co-ed class. You want the mom to wear the Scarlett Letter then so should the dad.

    Is it a double standard that men/boys that get someone pregnant and leave usually get off the hook Scott free?- Sure, but what is the use of acknowledging this and not stopping it.

    Is there really an excuse for an unwanted pregnancy with all the means of contraception we have nowadays?- No…unless you live in a place where there really is no way to get contraception..say some third world country…no I don’t believe there is an excuse.

    Are you generally surprised when you meet someone over 25 that doesn’t have kids?- No, but people are surprised when they hear that I don’t have children. I’m 33.

    Do you think people should only have kids in a committed relationship?- No…just because you are committed one day who says you will be committed the next? Is that really fair to restrict?

    Would you tell your kid if he/she were an accident?- If they asked.

    Do single mothers get more of a bad rap than deadbeat dads?- Yes.

    I have to say that I do half agree with what Da Throne has wrote. We are in an age where there shouldn’t be as much teen moms as there are. I’m talking about Moms under the age of 18. Once you are 18 you are an adult, and that is a whole other discussion.
    We have the show Teen Mom that perhaps in the way it is presented seems to make light of being a Teen Mom. The girls on the shows are followed around like they are celebrities, being shown on TMZ and gossips mags. Sadly a being pregnant has become the IT thing.
    The point that people really love to ignore is the REASON behind the pregnancies…I’ve heard too many teen moms say they got pregnant because they wanted someone that would love them unconditionally. They wanted someone that would always love them and be with them. In the back of their mind there is this romanticized notion of having a child.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    LMAO. He’s a mess (and so are you for letting him start trouble by contributing posts). LMAO.

  • ALIG83

    I didn’t read this post and based on the comments I don’t think I should.

  • ALIG83

    ” ‘Sorry bruh, but you’re way off on this one. I should have known when you referred to women as “females” in the article, which is somewhat dehumanizing and a few steps away from ‘bitch.’ ” <—— Yes, yes, yes. A man who understands!

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Yeah, that “female” thing annoys the hell out of me, especially the way it’s said (condescending, rude, etc.). :-| (Aside from that, I get what he said.)

  • Kitty1026

    I couldn’t agree with DaThrone more, and believe me, that’s a rare occasion!

    People who are still accidently getting pregnant in 2011 are just plain stupid. I was born and raised in the south, and it’s been drilled in me since I got my first period that I am NOT to have a child out of wedlock. My mom once told me, “If you get pregnant, you won’t have to worry about getting an abortion because I’ll push you down the stairs and make you miscarriage.” Yeah… it was that serious in my household.

    Parenting is just something I never imagined or wanted to do by myself. I know, regardless of if I’m married, I could still end up a single mother, but I do not want to enter into motherhood unwed.

    I’m 29 and single now. I am not sure if once I hit 35 I will still be as adamant about not being an unwed mother. However, at that point, it would not be an unplanned pregnancy, and if I decide to have a child on my own, I will be financially, emotionally, and psychologically secure.

  • EntertainmentsFuture

    I do not think DaThRONe is putting a stigma on all unwed mothers. I just think he hit a nerve within our community. It seems ok to discuss everything in our community except for the issues that plague us. Teen pregnancy was once a taboo issue. Not saying it did not exist but, today it seems to be glorified. Up until they start struggling. I have seen NUMEROUS times young girls on the train struggling or pushing kids.
    I think there is a double standard when it comes to the guy/boys. They do generally get off scott free. Most of the time they do not live with these women/girls, and can stay away as much or as far away as they like with no consequences. Girls seem to think, they can go down to the local courthouse and ask for child support. The reality is, yeah it may be on paper, but he’s not really enforced to pay it. My father is a perfect example. He and my Mother had a mutual agreement and when he defaulted she went to court, then he stopped paying completely. After a few years when my mother persisted, they locked him up for a day, then he fled the country with not a care in the world. 18 years later my mom is still getting these documents from the courts..
    Its not surprising for me when I meet someone older than 25 with no kids. The crazy thing is I am under 25 and I met with some former classmates from H.S. and the FIRST thing they asked me was “do you have any kids?” Not if I graduated, was I in a Master’s program or anything. But “Do you have any kids” when I said no, they started clapping and said “CONGRATULATIONS”. <— Really?
    Realistically as a female I am for one am TIRED of hearing "It was an accident/Mistake" I dont know how many times someone makes the same mistake with a number of different people. What ever happened to the phrase "learn from your mistakes"

  • ALIG83

    Why has it become so hard Black for men to say ‘woman’ or ‘women’? All I hear now and days is ‘Females this and females that.”

  • JC

    LOL, thank you…I think, lol

    Partly, it does because until we address the reasons why teen pregnancy is rising we have no chance of lowering the rates. You can’t tell me that every teen mom got pregnant because it “was the cool thing to do” NO, most were/are having sex with someone that they cared about, someone that they believed cared about them…someone they wanted to care about them so they listened to the “nah, baby we don’t need a condom. I’ll make sure I pull out.”

    And understand I am talking about Teen Pregnancies and why it is so common.

    Part of what I said could be used for women over 18. But since 18 is an adult in the eyes of the law and you would hope that someone at that age would know a bit (I’ll be kind) about responsibility. If you are in a situation i.e having sex with someone and aren’t in a committed relationship and you have not discussed having children with each other…then yes you made a big ass mistake in getting pregnant. Should there be a stigma? Other than family and friends saying “You are a dumbass” no. I am dead serious on this one. There is no reason for anyone in the situation I described to get pregnant in this day and age.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    So out of the names bitch,whore,slut,cunt,jump off,head monster,rug muncher,dyke,ho,nigger,asshole,unstable creatures…..you all find FEMALE dehumanizing

    freaking amazing

  • QuoteMan

    I’m missing something here, what purpose does this piece serve? Sure, teenage pregnancy and incompetent folks having babies should always be a concern. But, only the reckless mind would attach a stigma to single parenthood. Stigma only conduce to casting aspersions on others without offering any substantive solutions; I pity such a fool who indulge in stigmatizing others.

    My advice to any single parent has always been this: forget the past and what decision got you here – no child is a mistake. The only way to combat any stigma is to succeed in parenting and all you do. Success, in all its splendor, brings honor and respect – from all. And trust me, there’s no greater joy.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    *scans this page*

    That hasn’t come out of anyone’s mouth on here. ALL of those names are dehumanizing/degrading etc. Come on now.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Hey it’s real let’s not buy into te stereotype that men ate all dogs and all women are virtuous

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Well I think Hitler , Saddam Hussein, Stalin, George W. Bush and Osama Bin Ladin count as pregnancies that shouldve been aborted when there mothers had the chance…

  • MonaLisa

    So we are just calling people stupid now? Okay…that’s what’s up. You may as well say anyone who makes a mistake is stupid than. What mistakes have you made?

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    This ain’t got shot to do with the topic
    your 33?
    Thought u was like 25…keep up the good work

  • ALIG83

    It’s ‘freaking amazing’ how people try to dictate what someone else should be offended by.

  • ALIG83

    Who’s buying into that stereotype? Nothing about men being dogs or as you call it ‘men ate dogs’ and all women are virtuous was mentioned.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    How is female, which is the biological term for women, dehumanizing ?
    That’s what i’m not grasping…
    By the line of thinking woman can be used as just as bad as bitch is..,

  • Deka

    Let’s not forget the thousands of young women who died trying to abort themselves due to fear of embarrassment and isolation for being a teenage mom. reprimanding our young women will not stop them from getting pregnant. Education and love is the solution.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    But how is it offensive
    it reminds me when I had a woman tell me she rather be called a bitch than a broad

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    I’ll repeat what I said in a post maybe about 2 weeks ago:

    The condescending, rude, self-righteous tone in which “female” is often said is what makes it f—ed up. There’s a big difference between (as was mentioned in that past post) describing a crime suspect (“subject was a white male, 6’0″, _____ body frame & wearing such-and-such”) or conducting an autopsy (“this is an Asian female who sustained ______ injuries that caused heer death”), and saying something like

    “…The females I think enjoy having kids because of the attention they receive IMO I can count on my hands and toes and other peoples hands and toes how Many females I know that had no business hsving the child by the guy they had it with and now daddy ain’t around and they are miserable I say it again The author is right its on the female….. I don’t need or want a kid that I know I’m not ready for and I don’t wanna have a kid by a female who already has a kid or have a kid by just any female…..”

    (comment by the well-spoken Bear)

  • tea

    Unwanted pregnancy….This is the kind of issue that should not be polarized into male versus female responsibility. It’s both and believe it or not, I know several children born out of failed birthcontrol (esp. the patch) or being prescribed antibiotics that conflicted with the b.c.

    Okay, these cases happened to have happened with married folks but the same could happen with a unmarried couple that isn’t ready for marriage or are on the brink or breakup and what do you have…a single mother on the horizon (or an aborted baby).

    Next,women have to do a lot to become and stay sexually active. The majority of the responsbility lies on us from start to finish. The regular paps, the risks involved with taking b.c. to your health, the having to ask/convince Mr. Man to put that condom on everytime (esp. if he’s the boyfriend), -the drunken night he finally is able to get it in raw- , the getting pregnant and deciding to keep it or not, the psychological & physical risk in going through with an abortion or the health risks and lifetime committment of following through with the pregnancy -and blowing up and stretching out-

    It’s a lot and sometimes I wish men would be a little more understanding.

  • tea

    Also, What about females who want children and choose to become single mothers because the are in their 30s (or older) and no longer want to put off being a mother attempting to wait for Mr. Husband and Father?

    How do you do strikethrough text?

  • http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan

    It’s offensive because it’s never used in a positive context. “These females is crazy.” or “There should be a stigma with females having babies out of wedlock.” The term “males” is never used in the same context. “Females” sounds like something that should be used to describe an animal, not a living person with a mind, feelings and thoughts. The connotation is that the speaker is only seeing women for their sex. Lastly, I’ve found that right after the term is used something ignorant will come from the speaker’s mouth (or keyboard).

    Bottom line–I wouldn’t refer to my mom, sister, or girlfriend as “females” so I don’t do it to other WOMEN. Plus it’s bad grammar.

  • Chef_suga

    we are talking about accidents. But if you are referring to woman who is over 30 and chooses to go to a fertility clinic or get pregnant by a “male friend”, they are usually the responsible ones who can afford to take care of a baby on their own. Even though I don’t agree, because I believe a kid should have a mother and father, if its possible.
    I agree with JC, If you are over the age of 18(or 21 which ever you consider an adult in your mind; my mom thinks 25 is an adult lol) and you get pregnant by accident, you deserve a DUNCE cap (for the man and woman)!!!

  • Shequita

    With all the technology in this world we can finally have and MAKE babies all by ourselves?? Thats brilliant!! I didnt get the