How Do You Get Pregnant By Accident? (It’s Your Fault)

0 Posted by - February 24, 2011 - Guest Socks, Relationships, Love & Marriage

WORDS BY DA THRONE

I was watching a documentary on the history of the bikini the other day (I love learning things LOL) and I thought it was fascinating watching how something as simple as swimwear could impact culture worldwide. That got me to thinking even deeper about why society is so determined to place stigmas on people.

Now, obviously religion plays a huge role in our history and how we view our sexuality. Also, a lot of our double standards and/or sexist beliefs are anchored in ignorance from a male dominated world; but are some of these stigmas a good thing?

I know I can think of one stigma that was probably better left in place and I think our society is suffering because we have moved passed it. This is a stigma against single mothers. Now before all the single mothers become irate hear me out. I’m aware a lot of single mothers had every intention to be with the father of their children (whether married or not) and there are those who have been raped, but most single mothers are so due to their own damn negligence. Today, there are so many methods (too many to name) that allow females to go wild without becoming pregnant.

So if modern medicine/technology isn’t the problem then what is?

Laziness!

When a female/male can reproduce with little to no repercussions clearly putting on a condom becomes “too much work.” Sure mistakes will happen but not at the rate it’s happening now. If you want to set your own life back then that’s your business, but when you start factoring in kids to me there’s a problem.

Now that young girls aren’t given the “Scarlett letter” treatment it seems like it becomes a cycle of babies having babies. Young girls seem to make babies as some sort of fashion statement. In a short time it seems like this stigma has been completely reversed. What was once frowned upon is now praised. It’s like if you’re a person without a kid pass 25 there must be something wrong with you.

I know the incredible rate at which single mothers are being made is so much deeper than just placing stigmas on young females, but we have a serious problem when the attitude towards unwed pregnancies is this nonchalant. I would be so disappointed in my daughter if in this day and age she allowed herself to become pregnant by “accident.” What happened to the days of holding people accountable for their actions? Between all the contraception available for females, coupled with the use of a condom, unplanned pregnancies should be under 0.00000001%.

What are your thoughts on teen pregnancy? Do you think Da ThRONe is right about putting a stigma on unwed mothers could be a good thing? Is it a double standard that men/boys that get someone pregnant and leave usually get off the hook Scott free? Is there really an excuse for an unwanted pregnancy with all the means of contraception we have nowadays? Are you generally surprised when you meet someone over 25 that doesn’t have kids? Do you think people should only have kids in a committed relationship? Would you tell your kid if he/she were an accident? Do single mothers get more of a bad rap than deadbeat dads?

Speak your piece…

  • paulette_bajan_gal

    Uhm….why aren’t you talking about the fathers??Aren’t you engaged to a woman who has a child with someone else??Was she lazy and careless??

    Again….this whole article leaves out the father….isn’t his sperm the reason why the chick got pregnant in the first place??Seriously.Tell your boys to stay in them balls homie.And if they can’t stay there….stand up and raise your damn kids.Single mothers may get pregnat with his help but most of them sure as hell ain’t getting his help to raise the children produced.

    What the heck is going on with the attack on black mothers lately??So insulting.

  • http://mynameismisswhite.blogspot.com Miss White

    I agree with u a hunniiiiiiit percent! The excuses is what keeps the nonsense going. Not only the ones people make for themselves but those of their families and loved ones like. It’s like, really? REALLY??? Yeah idk. Calling people out, including myself cuz I’ve made a few dumb mistakes myself, is a start. Oh…and that line about being damn near labeled infertile if u don’t have kids and you’re over 25??? Wtf is the deal with that???

  • MonaLisa

    Wow…wth is this mess? Sorry but you could have saved this.
    First of all, from where i’m sitting at, teen pregnancy is still frowned upon. No people aren’t sending their kids away to have their baby elsewhere to keep it a secret, but I know there is still shame in being a pregnant teenager. And have you looked up teen pregnancy rates from past years?how do you know if things have gotten worse? My mother was a teenager in the 60s and every single one of her 7 sisters had a kid when they were teenagers.
    As far as women getting pregnant from laziness…it’s nice to know that you can see thru walls and watch people gettin it in. Of course some kids were created from people being too lazy to put on a condom but how many were created from a man convincing a woman not to use a condom ? Speaking of men, there wasn’t any mention of them. I guess women can get pregnant on their own these days,huh?
    Yes society doesn’t look down on single grown ass mothers like they used to but I think that’s a good thing. Forget how you got pregnant and what other people think about it. All that matters once the child is here is raising, loving, and providing for the child.
    Hoprfully this all made sense because I am sleepy and irritated…

  • Junegemini

    Yet again, man opens his mouth or strokes his keyboard and ignorance abounds. In this patriarachal society where women are blamed for many things, this strikes a low blow. Women and men are equally responsible for pregnancy and should bear the responsibility equally.

    Should single moms continually be bashed, No. Should the stigma be put back into place, umm-check the news it’s still there. I think it’s completely ignorant to place the blame for the rise in single parents solely on the backs and uteri of women. Women cannot get pregnant without sperm from man. There are repercussions to being a single parent, stop allowing media portryals of single moms, as lazy people to shape your idea of why women are choosing to parent solo. Raising a child as a single parent is a path I chose and I don’t need non-parents and other misinformed people telling me how I am screwing up the next generation with my choice.

    I disagree with DaThrone, continuing the stigma placed on single moms won’t change anything but MEN GROWING UP AND ACCEPTING THEIR ROLE IN THE DEMISE OF TWO-PARENT FAMILIES JUST MIGHT!

    Having a child in a committed relationship does not guarantee that the child will be raised with both parents, so now I think anyone is wants to have a child and has the financial and mental abilities to take care of a child should have a child. I think teen pregnancy can be prevented with proper education and I think unwanted pregnancies happen for a variety of reasons including birth control failure.

    That is all.

  • Lyndon

    His points are valid. Hurtful to read? Yes. Did he exclude men (and our role) from the equation? Absolutely.

    The bottom line is many brothas are irresponsible with their slingin and sistas know it. Many women know before hand he has children by other women, but have deluded fantasies of being the chosen one that he’ll act right with. We are fundamentally fucked up that way. And to tell you the truth, we have always been that way. We cast reality aside between the sheets and live the horror after- sometimes making repeated mistakes.

    Black men live selfishly.. We’ve always been that way. To the woman that thinks she will single-handedly change the dynamic more power to her, but how long do we have to watch our shit go up in flames. Da Throne took made an honest observation about our plight, and he aint miss by much.

  • http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan

    The should be more of a stigma against misogynist blog posts.

    Come on! Single parenthood largely results from immature, sorry ass men that don’t own up to their responsibilities. Single mothers that I know have tried and tried (and tried again) to make things work with the father of their child. Could women do a better job of not picking losers? Sure. But more often than not their intentions are good…they want to build something TOGETHER. I’m not sure I can say the same for a lot of men.

    Sorry bruh, but you’re way off on this one. I should have known when you referred to women as “females” in the article, which is somewhat dehumanizing and a few steps away from “bitch.”

    Oh yeah, you mention you would be “disappointed” in your daughter if she had an unplanned pregnancy. How would you feel if it was your son? Any different?

  • Bear

    The women have the power to say put a condom or use some type of protection a lot of guys will run up in anybody raw…so it’s on both but The females I think enjoy having kids because of the attention they receive IMO I can count on my hands and toes and other peoples hands and toes how Many females I know that had no business hsving the child by the guy they had it with and now daddy ain’t around and they are miserable I say it again The author is right because it’s on the female she gets the credit when taking care of The child she also takes the blame for having it it’s a catch 22 bottom line is tell dude to strap up I been having sex for 13 years and a condom never broke on me or when I did have unprotected sex I didn’t have any “accidents” why? Because I don’t need or want a kid that I know I’m not ready for and I dont wanna have a kid by a female who already has a kid or have a kid by just any female….

  • Belve10

    Fact is saying “I’m a single mother” gets a woman a form of moral credit that was not the case 25 – 35 years ago.
    I don’t agree that females (just because your a mother and/or female does NOT make you a woman OR a lady. Please stop taking personal offense to a generic term that is meant to be inclusive) should be stigmatized any more than they are in society. The elephant in the room is abortion and who is left to make the choice.
    I have a child by “accident” and I find it funny how few dirty looks I get when its mentioned. Also the supportive tones she gets when telling folks that she is a single mother but that we are partner parents. But the funny thing is had it been my choice I would have “taken another route” after-the-fact. And yes not using a condom was our shared ignorance. But then we were both over 30 by this time.. grown enough to own up to the choice.
    Having a child in these days and times is a choice — Simple and plain and as long as females have a greater voice in that choice when it comes to yes or no for an abortion, then they HAVE to assume the greater responibilty for that choice they didn’t make.
    No guy can MAKE a woman have an abortion even if he feels the choice is wrong. And sure you can pound the table and say.. Why let it get that far beforehand! and you would be absolutely correct but it doesn’t change the facts of choices.
    Abortion was/is the game changer in the rise of single parent households. If you take away the right to choose, how many more females (AND males) would alter their thoughts about having sex?

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Da throne is right
    They got shows about being teen moms like that mess is cute.
    If anybody is offended please take your sensitivity out your ears and grow up.
    The TRUTH is always hard to hear but instead of internalizing what he said and taking the best from it your actin out.
    STOP shifting the blame back to the fathers…
    We all know fathers could do more but what that got to do with YOU making sure you don’t get pregnant by some loser??

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Not being facetious with you but when you say choose…you mean u knew before you were pregnant you wanted to do it yourself? Or you knew early on it would be better if just you raised the child?
    Once again no shade or snarkiness throwing just curious…

  • Chrissy

    I half agree with this article. Women are the ones who will bear most of the responsibility if they get pregnant, so it is up to them to be more responsible with who they sleep with and their birth control. You already know that if a man wants to bail it is easier for him to do so, so choose wisely. I am not saying that him bailing is right, but we dont live in fantasy land.

    Also some women end up getting pregnant by fcuk buddies and expect that man to be father of the year. I mean seriously?? Does he even want kids with you? It doesnt make any sense. If the man you got preganant by was just hittin it and it was just sex, why do you expect him to be comitted to raising a child when there was never any commitment to begin with. I dont understand that.

    I dont think the stigma should be reinforced at all but people need to stop with the foolish behavior. Letting a man go raw? Seriously? And then say that was an accident. Um no. Does birth control fail? Yes. Plan B, anyone?

    Oh and as far as teen pregnancy back in the day…my grandmother was pregannt at 14 by a man who ran off. But she met another man and they married each other and stayed together until he died (he died young). I think my other grandmother was preganant as a teen too but she eventually married. I dont think it is a good idea to look at the past for teen pregnancy because those were different times, and there wasnt birth control like there is now. Plus those women married young too.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    This is a visceral reaction and (probably) just what ThRONe wanted….. Right, ThRONe ;-)

    ThRONe chose to focus on mothers this time around. While I agree that men NEED to be held accountable, the focus of this post is the mothers. In essence and in my opinion, to bring fathers into this (for now) just takes the focus off what ThRONe’s post purpose is. If this was a post about fathers, plenty of men would say “Well, what about the women??!?”

    Also (and I can’t believe that I’m about to agree with ThRONe; WTH is the world coming to?), there are women who are irresponsible with contraception. Are they a majority? Probably not and hopefully not. (As a matter-of-fact, take a look at this: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/15/health/research/15pregnant.html?_r=1 ) Is it uncommon? I doubt it.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Just to cover myself, no offense intended at all. Just contributing to what could be a decent debate.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    C’mon, though, it’s totally unfair to say it ALL falls on a woman with sexual practices and protection. Yes, she’s the one that can get pregnant and it’s her body that gets morphed but he CAN also be the one that impregnates her, the one that didn’t pull out, the one that pushes to use a rubber or ask if she’s on the pill AND actually check.

    It’s a two way street, with a two-sided problem..

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    I agree with this:

    “No guy can MAKE a woman have an abortion even if he feels the choice is wrong. And sure you can pound the table and say.. Why let it get that far beforehand! and you would be absolutely correct but it doesn’t change the facts of choices.

    Not as an excuse, but I’ve aways felt at the end of the day with that particular decision that a man has no choice in what she decides to do in terms of life or death.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Now THIS is an example of a misogynistic comment. What ThRONe said is mild compared to this ridiculous comment. :-|

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    I think you give ThRONE too much credit LOL. From what I know of him he just speaks his mind regardless and don’t think he even thinks of visceral reactions just what he feels.

    My two pence

  • JC

    What are your thoughts on teen pregnancy?- Hmmm, I think it is becoming more common and acceptable because of the show Teen Mom. In a way it does glorify things. While every girl that gets pregnant won’t be on that show, as someone else said there will be attention, good or bad she is going to get 15mins of attention.

    Do you think Da ThRONe is right about putting a stigma on unwed mothers could be a good thing?- No…if I remember correctly when I took Sex-Ed it was a co-ed class. You want the mom to wear the Scarlett Letter then so should the dad.

    Is it a double standard that men/boys that get someone pregnant and leave usually get off the hook Scott free?- Sure, but what is the use of acknowledging this and not stopping it.

    Is there really an excuse for an unwanted pregnancy with all the means of contraception we have nowadays?- No…unless you live in a place where there really is no way to get contraception..say some third world country…no I don’t believe there is an excuse.

    Are you generally surprised when you meet someone over 25 that doesn’t have kids?- No, but people are surprised when they hear that I don’t have children. I’m 33.

    Do you think people should only have kids in a committed relationship?- No…just because you are committed one day who says you will be committed the next? Is that really fair to restrict?

    Would you tell your kid if he/she were an accident?- If they asked.

    Do single mothers get more of a bad rap than deadbeat dads?- Yes.

    I have to say that I do half agree with what Da Throne has wrote. We are in an age where there shouldn’t be as much teen moms as there are. I’m talking about Moms under the age of 18. Once you are 18 you are an adult, and that is a whole other discussion.
    We have the show Teen Mom that perhaps in the way it is presented seems to make light of being a Teen Mom. The girls on the shows are followed around like they are celebrities, being shown on TMZ and gossips mags. Sadly a being pregnant has become the IT thing.
    The point that people really love to ignore is the REASON behind the pregnancies…I’ve heard too many teen moms say they got pregnant because they wanted someone that would love them unconditionally. They wanted someone that would always love them and be with them. In the back of their mind there is this romanticized notion of having a child.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    LMAO. He’s a mess (and so are you for letting him start trouble by contributing posts). LMAO.

  • ALIG83

    I didn’t read this post and based on the comments I don’t think I should.

  • ALIG83

    ” ‘Sorry bruh, but you’re way off on this one. I should have known when you referred to women as “females” in the article, which is somewhat dehumanizing and a few steps away from ‘bitch.’ ” <—— Yes, yes, yes. A man who understands!

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Yeah, that “female” thing annoys the hell out of me, especially the way it’s said (condescending, rude, etc.). :-| (Aside from that, I get what he said.)

  • Kitty1026

    I couldn’t agree with DaThrone more, and believe me, that’s a rare occasion!

    People who are still accidently getting pregnant in 2011 are just plain stupid. I was born and raised in the south, and it’s been drilled in me since I got my first period that I am NOT to have a child out of wedlock. My mom once told me, “If you get pregnant, you won’t have to worry about getting an abortion because I’ll push you down the stairs and make you miscarriage.” Yeah… it was that serious in my household.

    Parenting is just something I never imagined or wanted to do by myself. I know, regardless of if I’m married, I could still end up a single mother, but I do not want to enter into motherhood unwed.

    I’m 29 and single now. I am not sure if once I hit 35 I will still be as adamant about not being an unwed mother. However, at that point, it would not be an unplanned pregnancy, and if I decide to have a child on my own, I will be financially, emotionally, and psychologically secure.

  • EntertainmentsFuture

    I do not think DaThRONe is putting a stigma on all unwed mothers. I just think he hit a nerve within our community. It seems ok to discuss everything in our community except for the issues that plague us. Teen pregnancy was once a taboo issue. Not saying it did not exist but, today it seems to be glorified. Up until they start struggling. I have seen NUMEROUS times young girls on the train struggling or pushing kids.
    I think there is a double standard when it comes to the guy/boys. They do generally get off scott free. Most of the time they do not live with these women/girls, and can stay away as much or as far away as they like with no consequences. Girls seem to think, they can go down to the local courthouse and ask for child support. The reality is, yeah it may be on paper, but he’s not really enforced to pay it. My father is a perfect example. He and my Mother had a mutual agreement and when he defaulted she went to court, then he stopped paying completely. After a few years when my mother persisted, they locked him up for a day, then he fled the country with not a care in the world. 18 years later my mom is still getting these documents from the courts..
    Its not surprising for me when I meet someone older than 25 with no kids. The crazy thing is I am under 25 and I met with some former classmates from H.S. and the FIRST thing they asked me was “do you have any kids?” Not if I graduated, was I in a Master’s program or anything. But “Do you have any kids” when I said no, they started clapping and said “CONGRATULATIONS”. <— Really?
    Realistically as a female I am for one am TIRED of hearing "It was an accident/Mistake" I dont know how many times someone makes the same mistake with a number of different people. What ever happened to the phrase "learn from your mistakes"

  • ALIG83

    Why has it become so hard Black for men to say ‘woman’ or ‘women’? All I hear now and days is ‘Females this and females that.”

  • JC

    LOL, thank you…I think, lol

    Partly, it does because until we address the reasons why teen pregnancy is rising we have no chance of lowering the rates. You can’t tell me that every teen mom got pregnant because it “was the cool thing to do” NO, most were/are having sex with someone that they cared about, someone that they believed cared about them…someone they wanted to care about them so they listened to the “nah, baby we don’t need a condom. I’ll make sure I pull out.”

    And understand I am talking about Teen Pregnancies and why it is so common.

    Part of what I said could be used for women over 18. But since 18 is an adult in the eyes of the law and you would hope that someone at that age would know a bit (I’ll be kind) about responsibility. If you are in a situation i.e having sex with someone and aren’t in a committed relationship and you have not discussed having children with each other…then yes you made a big ass mistake in getting pregnant. Should there be a stigma? Other than family and friends saying “You are a dumbass” no. I am dead serious on this one. There is no reason for anyone in the situation I described to get pregnant in this day and age.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    So out of the names bitch,whore,slut,cunt,jump off,head monster,rug muncher,dyke,ho,nigger,asshole,unstable creatures…..you all find FEMALE dehumanizing

    freaking amazing

  • QuoteMan

    I’m missing something here, what purpose does this piece serve? Sure, teenage pregnancy and incompetent folks having babies should always be a concern. But, only the reckless mind would attach a stigma to single parenthood. Stigma only conduce to casting aspersions on others without offering any substantive solutions; I pity such a fool who indulge in stigmatizing others.

    My advice to any single parent has always been this: forget the past and what decision got you here – no child is a mistake. The only way to combat any stigma is to succeed in parenting and all you do. Success, in all its splendor, brings honor and respect – from all. And trust me, there’s no greater joy.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    *scans this page*

    That hasn’t come out of anyone’s mouth on here. ALL of those names are dehumanizing/degrading etc. Come on now.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Hey it’s real let’s not buy into te stereotype that men ate all dogs and all women are virtuous

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Well I think Hitler , Saddam Hussein, Stalin, George W. Bush and Osama Bin Ladin count as pregnancies that shouldve been aborted when there mothers had the chance…

  • MonaLisa

    So we are just calling people stupid now? Okay…that’s what’s up. You may as well say anyone who makes a mistake is stupid than. What mistakes have you made?

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    This ain’t got shot to do with the topic
    your 33?
    Thought u was like 25…keep up the good work

  • ALIG83

    It’s ‘freaking amazing’ how people try to dictate what someone else should be offended by.

  • ALIG83

    Who’s buying into that stereotype? Nothing about men being dogs or as you call it ‘men ate dogs’ and all women are virtuous was mentioned.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    How is female, which is the biological term for women, dehumanizing ?
    That’s what i’m not grasping…
    By the line of thinking woman can be used as just as bad as bitch is..,

  • Deka

    Let’s not forget the thousands of young women who died trying to abort themselves due to fear of embarrassment and isolation for being a teenage mom. reprimanding our young women will not stop them from getting pregnant. Education and love is the solution.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    But how is it offensive
    it reminds me when I had a woman tell me she rather be called a bitch than a broad

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    I’ll repeat what I said in a post maybe about 2 weeks ago:

    The condescending, rude, self-righteous tone in which “female” is often said is what makes it f—ed up. There’s a big difference between (as was mentioned in that past post) describing a crime suspect (“subject was a white male, 6’0″, _____ body frame & wearing such-and-such”) or conducting an autopsy (“this is an Asian female who sustained ______ injuries that caused heer death”), and saying something like

    “…The females I think enjoy having kids because of the attention they receive IMO I can count on my hands and toes and other peoples hands and toes how Many females I know that had no business hsving the child by the guy they had it with and now daddy ain’t around and they are miserable I say it again The author is right its on the female….. I don’t need or want a kid that I know I’m not ready for and I don’t wanna have a kid by a female who already has a kid or have a kid by just any female…..”

    (comment by the well-spoken Bear)

  • tea

    Unwanted pregnancy….This is the kind of issue that should not be polarized into male versus female responsibility. It’s both and believe it or not, I know several children born out of failed birthcontrol (esp. the patch) or being prescribed antibiotics that conflicted with the b.c.

    Okay, these cases happened to have happened with married folks but the same could happen with a unmarried couple that isn’t ready for marriage or are on the brink or breakup and what do you have…a single mother on the horizon (or an aborted baby).

    Next,women have to do a lot to become and stay sexually active. The majority of the responsbility lies on us from start to finish. The regular paps, the risks involved with taking b.c. to your health, the having to ask/convince Mr. Man to put that condom on everytime (esp. if he’s the boyfriend), -the drunken night he finally is able to get it in raw- , the getting pregnant and deciding to keep it or not, the psychological & physical risk in going through with an abortion or the health risks and lifetime committment of following through with the pregnancy -and blowing up and stretching out-

    It’s a lot and sometimes I wish men would be a little more understanding.

  • tea

    Also, What about females who want children and choose to become single mothers because the are in their 30s (or older) and no longer want to put off being a mother attempting to wait for Mr. Husband and Father?

    How do you do strikethrough text?

  • http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan

    It’s offensive because it’s never used in a positive context. “These females is crazy.” or “There should be a stigma with females having babies out of wedlock.” The term “males” is never used in the same context. “Females” sounds like something that should be used to describe an animal, not a living person with a mind, feelings and thoughts. The connotation is that the speaker is only seeing women for their sex. Lastly, I’ve found that right after the term is used something ignorant will come from the speaker’s mouth (or keyboard).

    Bottom line–I wouldn’t refer to my mom, sister, or girlfriend as “females” so I don’t do it to other WOMEN. Plus it’s bad grammar.

  • Chef_suga

    we are talking about accidents. But if you are referring to woman who is over 30 and chooses to go to a fertility clinic or get pregnant by a “male friend”, they are usually the responsible ones who can afford to take care of a baby on their own. Even though I don’t agree, because I believe a kid should have a mother and father, if its possible.
    I agree with JC, If you are over the age of 18(or 21 which ever you consider an adult in your mind; my mom thinks 25 is an adult lol) and you get pregnant by accident, you deserve a DUNCE cap (for the man and woman)!!!

  • Shequita

    With all the technology in this world we can finally have and MAKE babies all by ourselves?? Thats brilliant!! I didnt get the memo, but I know a few lesbians that would be elated to hear the news…lemme go give them a call!!

  • Rastaman

    I do share Throne’s concern about teen pregnancy and unwed mothers especially as the rates are still higher than we should expect in this society. We are fully aware that the odds of just an average life become greater for children born to unwed teen mothers. However I will have to strongly disagree with his conclusions regarding the attachment of a stigma because the pregnancy could have been avoided if only the people involved had done the correct things.
    Personally, I have always made an effort to avoid unwanted pregnancy by using contraception but also by making sure that I have that conversation about pregnancy with my sex partners. But that was not always the case. There was probably a whole decade where I as sexually active when my only effort was to use condoms, there was very little conversation about what if the condom fails, what will we do?
    I just was unaware of the kind of impact an unplanned pregnancy would have had on my life, after all it was all around me and it did not seem to be affecting the other people. Some of my boys had children and they still seem to be having a good time. Girls I knew who had children were still out shaking it like it was hot, not as frequently as they did before but they made it out. Other than the sometime drama most of the young unwed parents I knew were having as good a time as anyone else.

  • JC

    Name one other show that is supposed to promote education and awareness where the people portrayed on the show also ended up on gossip magazines along side actors? Society as a WHOLE either excepting fully (by having a show on a channel that is made for ENTERTAINMENT) or ignoring by looking the other way is adding to this problem.

    The worst part about Teen Mom is that it is a SHOW with new seasons. A documentary is different, but an on going show, with new moms? To me that looks exploiting the problem.

  • Shequita

    Or the ones who still get shipped away to stay with auntie such and such for the summer, or the ones who put babies in the trash out of embarassment

  • Cyntia

    Women can get pregnant by mistake… & it not always b/c of laziness. I was on birth control & got pregnant… I didnt plan for it to happen

  • yureeka9

    I gotta say that I read articles like this all the time and the female reaction is always the same. “What about the fathers?!?” Well we all know that when it comes to sex the female controls the flow. She calls the shots. She sets the pace. That’s where we get the “no means no” laws. The courts and society stand behind her 100% when it comes to what she does or doesn’t want to do with her body sexually. That being said, I’m not exonerating the careless fathers who make these babies, but I am saying that because the WOMAN bears the burden of carrying and delivering the child, because the WOMAN is the one subject to the stigma attached to children out of wedlock and because the WOMAN will most likely be held responsible for raising the child it would seem that if she had just a little common sense she would think this thing through and make wiser choices. I mean if there’s an activity out there that risks my life and health, my reputation and my station in life you can best believe its not a decision I would make lightly or casually. Ladies, everyone is in your corner. But you need to step up and be more responsible. I promise society will support your decision!

  • Seriously

    I agree w/ the majority of what was written. I do feel that a follow up in regard to male irresponsibility would be appreciated though. I feel that male irresponsibility is a huge, and largely ignored problem. Back to the article at hand though…
    I’m a young lady approaching 25, single, and not parenting. I have a few friends w/ children, male and female, whose pregnancies were due to their laziness. Laziness/negligence is not a nice way of putting it but it’s truthful and in all honesty, compared to the HIV that could’ve been contracted a child is a blessing. Men and women need to be more responsible. I didn’t see this as an attack on women. I saw this merely as a statement of facts. Someone dropped the ball, something dropped out someone’s balls, then came baby. It just is what it is.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Once again I’ll go back to what I said to relate female with the derogatory nature of bitch or ho makes no sense.
    And last I checked humans are mammals which are animals so….female can still be used

  • JC

    Perhaps the students at the Memphis high school that has 90% of its student body pregnant…either don’t have MTV or do and they don’t care. Regardless to me that is a problem.

  • JC

    If the statistics are true then how much money are they making if that group isn’t using?
    Remember the post is more (to me) about being irresponsible and not even thinking of using protection.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    What in saying is right or wrong his view is HIS view…nobody knows what he has seen or where he is from…
    If you know the dude your smashing is not fatherhood material
    don’t be surprised when he dips out on being a father

  • JC

    My comment wasn’t me taking literally…I was being sarcastic.

    I’m glad your cousins are paying attention and understand that having a child as a teen is difficult. But that is one step, talking to our youth. We need to have other steps in order to help what some feel is a crisis. And sadly it should involve a breathing body (like you) and not just a TV.

    I wonder how many parents/guardians of teens watch the show and then fully discuss the implications.

  • Mimi in the OC

    @Preachthetruthteller

    I am not going to get too much in the debate… It’s Friday.
    I wanted to rectify one thing though. The point of the show “Teen Mom” is not to make pregnancy look cute. Maybe that’s you perception (?), but I think any teenage girl watching this learns a few things such as:
    – If you get pregnant you won’t hang out as much with your friends cause you have to take care of the baby
    – Your parents might kick you out
    – The boyfriend you’re so in love with might break up with you
    – Bearing a child makes you gain weight and is physically challenging (although the show doesn’t put too much emphasis on the physcical challenge part)
    – You have to seriously think about ways to make money to raise your child… and yet you most likely don’t have a High School diploma in 2011 in this economy
    – In a few words, you lose your childhood/teenage years, I don’t know how cute that is in any teenage girls eyes.
    – I have to say, the consequences are not nearly as bad for the teenage boys that got the girls pregnant, but it doesn’t look much more fun if you ask me.

    The show is actually about education, in some ways they do try to make it “watchable” for young kids, which is why you may think it’s cute. It is presented in a cute format I’ll give you that, but it you focus on the content, not so cute.

    I give some credit to MTV for that.

  • Rastaman

    Over the last 20 years I have to learn a lot more about this matter and it has definitely altered my views. I thought most people knew as much about their sexuality, contraception and pregnancy has I had been taught. I was wrong of course, there are many people whose knowledge of these matters is limited to no sex/no pregnancy. There are women who are unaware of how their cycles work, men who think everything is fine if they do not ejaculate, people who don’t know how to use condoms or any contraceptive and the most troubling of all that there are large swaths of this country, especially outside metro areas where access to sex education, contraception or simple birth control information is very difficult.

  • Rastaman

    So I cannot apply my own reality to people who are ignorant of these things. There are places in this country where young people are taught abstinence as the only way of avoiding unwanted pregnancy. While that is the best way, it is very foolish to think that denying young people information about sex is going somehow stop them from having sex.
    So while stigmatizing sound like a great idea, it is short sighted and does not seek to address any of the issues that lead to unplanned pregnancies. What we need is to start addressing sexuality and pregnancies in a mature manner in this society. Until we do that we will never be able to deal with this issue correctly but we continue to apply sexual ignorance as a solution and if you think about it there are

  • Beetsalina

    I think what is interesting is that no matter what women are demonized when I comes to raising children, whether single or with a partner.

    I agree to some degree that women need to have a bigger voice and be more vocal when it comes to stretching our bodies. Yea we have the final say in whiter orbit we want to have sex, but ultimately it takes 2 to tango.

    It is naive to think that single motherhood isn’t looked down upon in our society. There may be more support for her when she comes to term, but that girl will still have the shame of walking around with a pregnant belly.

    Back to my first point, you can also look at it this way. People turn their noses up at single mothers, but single fathers are praised! They get a pat on the back for raising their children, even though it’s what they’re supposed to do. Single mothers rarely receive praise.

    Even with shows like 16 an pregnant, some may say it glorifies pregnancy but I think it does the opposite. Shows the ugly baby mama drama, none of those girls finish school, and or the most part they can’t do any of what they used to do when they we’re parents.

    This post is a little short sighted to me ad it would do more good to include both genders in this conversation because quite frankly, I’m tired of women taking the blame for yet something else.

  • Mimi in the OC

    No I don’t know any other show supposed to promote education and awareness where the people portrayed on the show also ended up on gossip magazines along side actors…

    However, the show still achieve some of its goals, one of them being showing the implications of becoming pregnant as a teenager.

    Yes, a documentary is different but most teenagers would probably not watch it, which is exactly why this format was created on MTV through a Reality TV show… SO that many teenagers will watch it.

    Yes, it totally exploits the problem, which TV channel (and mostly MTV in this case) would create a show that doesn’t bring revenue??? ?????? Of course it will be exploited, but if in the process it helps showcase the implications of becoming pregnant, I am not complaining.

    Yes, I like the fact that there are new seasons, teenage pregnancy is an ongoing problem. The longer it’s stays on the more sustained awareness it will create among teenager.

    I have little cousins that watch it and I’ve asked them questions about the show:
    – Their learning was not that if they become pregnant they become famous…
    – They told me it does not “look cool”…
    I would hope that more kids/teenagers would see it that way, but hey maybe my little cousins are smarter than average…

  • Mimi in the OC

    People who sell condoms, plan B, the pill…also make money… jand they will probably never go out of business… Actually they are probably looking at some sales growth as time goes by.

  • Lady_d_uval

    I’m on of those over 25 w/o kids. I knew at a really young age that I didn’t want any kids. I’d rather be the cool aunt that takes all the kids on a trip, buy them unnecessary things, let em eat all the junk they want then send them home. Lol! But if my husband(when I get married) wants children, I’ll make an exception. Until then it’s birth control and condoms! Granted, I’ve had situations where the condom broke, those situations taught me I only have control of MY ACTIONS! I can’t blame you for getting me pregnant when I didn’t ask you to wear a condom, or because I trusted 100% in a thin piece of latex.[But that's just me] Same goes for a man. Don’t get mad at the “new baby mama” and say “it ain’t mine” when you believed her when she said “I don’t think I can have kids”!

    I do agree, it is unfair that the blame is all on the woman. But that’s the problem, instead of blaming “all men” or “all women”, the irresponsible party in a particular situation should be blamed. Example: I know a guy with 10 kids @ age 34! When we met he had 9 and 1 on the way! The most recent baby mama (baby mama #5 is what I call her) had his most recent 2 kids. This is my problem with this situation: Who meets a guy with 8 kids and decides to have unprotected sex without a back up contraceptive?!?!? I don’t care how good the “d” is!!!! But it’s not all on her. On top of being a black male in America, he’s a convicted felon with no job and 8 KIDS (at the time)!!!! What lobe in your brain(or lack there of) convinced you to have more kids?!?!?! These are the ignorant people we should be blaming!!!!

  • Mimi in the OC

    MTV helps raise awareness, no it will not impact every teenager effectively, but if it impacts some of them the way it has impacted my little cousins, I think it’s worth it… But that’s just me.
    There is another step between awareness and prevention, and MTV is only doing awareness.

  • da ThRONe

    This clearly wasn’t an attempt to “pardon” males who fail in their parenting duties ,but to ignore the fact that on average females have more to bare in single parenting is lying to yourself.

    I mentioned that adding stagmas’ alone isn’t the solution. We must educated and inspire our young people to care about themselves and their futures. Although this blog is focused more on the gender that has more control from start to finish in unplanned pregnancies, I’m in full agreement that males who bail or consistently flake on their duties should be “socially branded”.

    As far as all the women being upset at the word “female” is just silly. None of the men hear are getting pissy over my use of the word “male”

  • Mimi in the OC

    The reason I mentioned condoms, plan B, pill manufacturers making money is to give you an example of a business making money, while participating actively in prevention.
    They are certainly making money, e.g. Trojan has been in the market for years. If they went bankrupt it would be on the news (I follow financial news).

  • JC

    Weeeeellll, you did reference wearing a “Scarlet Letter” the mother NOT the father had to wear the “A”. You also mentioned “single mothers”, and talking about “if your daughter showed up pregnant”…fair is fair…in reading the post it does seem that your focus is on women.

  • RCTuri

    @NakedWithSocks I don’t even need to respond. Paulette was on it!

  • RCTuri

    A man has no choice in the life or death portion of it because his choice is in the beginning. The choice to wrap it up. Once you give a woman your boys, they’re hers.

  • da ThRONe

    This response is everything thats wrong with us as a society.

    We always want to place blame somewhere else. Sure I could have called out all the bum ass dead beat dad’s, but would that have made female negligence any less relevant?

    “Single mothers may get pregnat with his help but most of them sure as hell ain’t getting his help to raise the children produced”

    This line is why I chose to address females. Ultimately you guys are the ones that suffer the most. The one thing that I have learned is the person with the most to lose should be the most responsible.

  • Lady_d_uval

    First of all, I do and don’t agree with failed birth control. I don’t agree because birth control can only do its job if its used correctly. And there are forms of b.c. that are resistant to human error. And your doc should tell you to use back up contraception when taking antibiotics. But I was the result of “failed” b.c.

    And fyi, its a lot of responsibility being a woman, PERIOD! That’s what makes us the better sex! Lol, j/k…well not really! ;-)

  • jaclynsd

    My thoughts on this issue is this, that yes your partly right, that in this day and age their really shouldn’t be a lot of pregnant teens or that many single mothers. I would suppose the easy answer would be to blame it on those woman/teens and that yes their just “lazy” and didn’t do “their” part to make sure that “they” didn’t get pregnant. After all like you stated “girl can just wild out” nowadays because God knows there are enough methods to prevent pregnancies. I agree that there isn’t enough accountability and a lot of the time there is more praise and you hear more things like “its what God brings” and “God’s miracle” instead of “what were you thinking?” and “how could you have been so irresponsible.” People think more towards was done is done and now what can one do. Well maybe if more things were said and accountability was held up then our society wouldn’t be in the state that its in now. The reality is that yes we should hold those woman/teens accountable but if we’re doing that then let’s hold ALL accountable. These woman/teens didn’t get pregnant on their own. Why is there no accountability for the men that got them pregnant and for that matter left them to raise kids on their own? There’s a cycle here and this terrible cycle includes men. You can put all the blame on woman and say well their just lazy and unaccountable and they’re the ones to blame for all these pregnancies. Yes woman have more options regarding preventing pregnancies but men are the ones getting them pregnant and leaving them to raise those babies on their own. You have a household w/no men and no guidance and what do you expect. The family structure has changed and it’s a vicious cycle. Yes woman, single mothers, teens should be held accountable but you should also hold those irresponsible men accountable for putting themselves in the position to impregnate them and then leave a child behind. Cant have one without the other. These men/boys that are out there wilding out too should put on a condom or use some self control. They should also be thinking of their future offspring’s and have some accountability too. You can just say “these woman/teens” and leave at that. If we’re going to hold people accountable we should hold all accountable. Therein lies the issue we want to hold people accountable but since when are we only holding the one that is pregnant accountable. I remember back in the day a man stood front and center for what he did. Some even did the “right thing” and married the woman (not suggesting that) but they didn’t coward or run but stood front and center like men and took the blame and responsibility too. Yes, I most definitely agree that yes “these” woman should be held accountable and should be more responsible but we can’t even try to begin to fix this problem until we look at the problem as a whole. Let’s stop the bashing and start finding solutions and please please look at the whole picture when doing so.

  • Naomi

    Bottom line: we all need to be responsible for our own sexual health and not leave it up to someone else. Gender, age, liquor consumption is no excuse. I work in health care and there are many affordable birth control methods out there, so that’s not an excuse either.
    Is there a stigma for single moms? I come from the perspective of someone who doesn’t have children so my view may be off, but I don’t think the stigma is as great as it once was. I think it’s become the norm and I say that because people (not just men) are always surprised to find out that I’m single and don’t have kids. I’m even surprised when I meet a guy who doesn’t have kids. It’s a rarity and they’re almost a hot commodity. I’m over 25 and I have my own house, car, good job and an education but I feel like I’m in a category all my own because I don’t have kids and that I’m missing out but then I hear them screaming in the grocery store and I’m okay with being a pariah.
    As far as teen pregnancy goes, why are they having sex to begin with? That’s the question that needs to be asked. We also need to make sure they’re completely informed about sex, which I don’t think they always are. Sorry to offend, but teen pregnancy is never okay. That doesn’t mean we should ostracize children who have children out of wedlock.
    I guess my question is why have sex with someone you 1) don’t know, 2) can’t see yourself marrying or even being in a relationship with? Before anyone calls me a prude and uptight, it’s quite the contrary. There’s too much at stake, namely me and my well-being.
    No one will be selective for me and I owe myself and my future children that much. Aaaaaannnndddd…..I’ve made my own mistakes.

  • jaclynsd

    Whether or not this was just directed at black mothers its insulting to all mothers regardless.

  • da ThRONe

    You are confusing the sting from the truth with being insulted.

    And many are trying to justify this misconception by making this about gender.

  • http://nwso.net Gemini

    During slavery women had there children within wedlock then massa sold her husband away now she is a single mother. A Black Woman was not recognized as a Black Mans wife until the mid 40’s before that she was just his gal. Who gives a damn about man in or man out sometimes they make things harder. My word always ruled as a single mother and my children question me NOT. I wanted a script for birth control but I was refused because it was a Catholic hospital yet there was an display for Viagra. I’m Baptist! Teenage pregnancy is nothing new get over the so called stigma. If the punks would stop pumpin the women would stop pushin.

  • da ThRONe

    I have already stated this blog was focused on females because unfortunately in our culture they are the ones with more responsibilty if impregnated and also have more control through out the process of getting pregnant. This does not exclude males from the same stigmas. No where in the blog does it say that it’s all females fault. Women here are simply adding things that the blog doesn’t say.

    It’s similar to parents leaving greater responsibilty on the oldest sibling. It’s not that the other siblings should misbehave it’s just that the older sibling is expected to be more mature and thus more is expected out of them.

  • JC

    Let’s not start…
    Babies…are wondrous, innocent beings…the teen or adult they become…can be based on Nature…or Nurture…

  • Eve

    That’s a big part of the problem as well – the expectation that women are “supposed” to shoulder the majority of the responsibility just because. FuckouttaherewithTHAT!
    Divorced moms are single moms, women who had committed relationships that didn’t last are single moms. The number of women who consciously got pregnant without having ANY ties to the dude is nothing in comparison to the women who did.
    *sucks teeth*

  • Wmofyr

    Scarlet letter?

    A scarlet letter today could mean she be beaten, raped, no civil rights, no job prospects.. She can’t work off the land if she in the city. You want some young girl living like that? Think that over. People could come up with a lot of ways to hate on her.

    A baby is a miracle. Now one should have babies until after married for a year first. But hey a miracle is a miracle either way. That kid don’t have to watch his momma be wronged and abused, and then think that’s how the world is. No thank you to that.

    And consider if she is to be punished, how long is her punishment and what exactly should it be. A year, 10 years, 20 years, 10 lashings, loose her house or car, banned from college, or some other crap. There has to be a definition to the stigma, how far does it go, and everyone has to define her punishment the same so that it doesn’t go too far. If the punishment is undefined, who knows what some will come up with.

  • Wmofyr

    Correction:

    One should not have babies until one year of marriage….

  • JC

    Whole other topic that should take place off this site…but to answer…no

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Well not ALL babies are miracles
    some curses
    Jefferey dalmer, Hitler, dc sniper, etc…let’s keep it real

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Let me pose that as a question:
    knowing who he would e and what devastation he would cause…
    Could you kill Hitler as a baby or a adolesence even?

  • Rastaman

    If did not intend to pardon irresponsible men, you could have made that point by commission rather than omission. Because what got published was IMO terribly unbalanced. Because even though your point was very valid it lost probably half the audience because they received it as an attack on unwed mothers. An important thing to apply is that communication is half broadcast and half reception, one is never effective without the other.

    It is very popular these days to just throw opinions out, even fact based opinions. But oftentimes what we end up with is “Half Truths”; unfortunately that is how I would summarize this piece. Balance is important because invites the audience to think, this one invites only agreement or defensiveness.

    I don’t use “female” as a replacement for women, ladies or girls. I view it as one of those word uses similar to conversate. Slang that folks think is perfectly applicable for conveying a thought but irritates half the audience who immediately stop listening. I know you are intelligent enough to understand why it makes some folks “pissy”.

  • Wmofyr

    If I could see the future, I would call CPS of some nuns so that Hitler wasn’t raised by his crazy momma and abusive old step-father. Thus, there could be no holacost; bec Hitler would be a college graduate when I get through changing his life for the better. Heey. lol

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Best response ever

  • Wmofyr

    Too bad CPS of today is not nuns; and they hurt/ruin the kids.

  • da ThRONe

    The piece is one sided. Which was done purposely. Like stated in most cases the majority of the burden (whether it be prevertative or raising children) rest on females.

    As far as using “female” I dont understand whats the problem. It’s a clincial word thats all inclusive. Since when has the word “female” been linked to slang? I have said this before being a lady or woman is a term of respect. If I were a female who behaved like a lady I would be happy the word “woman” or “lady” weren’t just tossed around.

    It’s like Ms. and Mrs. it’s rude to refer to a lady as Mrs. until you know she is married until you do you call her Ms..

  • MsFeminist

    DaThrone should replace ‘laziness’ with ‘immaturity’, then I can half agree with this article.

    The majority of mothers getting pregnant are [black] teens & that same majority of [black] teens are having abortions. Im going to go off on a tangent, dismiss this article whole heartedly, & say that since blacks are the minority in this nation yet WE are the 1st place winners and DELETING our race by abortion, ignorant mothers and deadbeat fathers who some werent there to begin with. The blame should not be put on just one side. We honestly need more Black people having children. Im not saying young girls & boys go out & bump uglies to procreate at the end if this comment but our race is losing. And having grown ass people on this blog attack each other about who is to blame for impregnating the woman is a shame & the reason why we cant get shit together.

    How about building each other up, quit tearing our race down. How many black single moms do you know that has received help (emotionally, financially) from ANYONE like those moms on Teen Moms?

    The stigma ends with you…….

  • Brina

    When I read this article I immediately thought about a woman I saw on Maury. Yea I know its not the best show, but I must admit it makes me laugh. Anyway, on one episode a woman was telling Maury how this guy denies her baby, calls her out her name, disrespects her, and treats her horribly. She went on to say that she knew the guy was no good before she slept with him. So Maury cuts her off and asked her, why did you sleep with him if you knew he was this way? Her response was I dont know.

    I think women need to be more selective with who they sleep with. There are signs, but some women choose to ignore them because they think the guy will change for them or they think the guy will have a a case of “the pimp in me just died” like j.holiday, when nine times out of ten he’s showing you the real him. Believe him. Of course you have the wolfs in sheep’s clothing and it does happen. I dont knock or have anything bad to say about the single mothers that are duped into think the guy is one way, but he turns out to be scum. HOWEVER, if you know the guy has kids that he currently doesnt take care of or you know that he is not boyfriend material dont sleep with him. Getting pregnant is a possiblity and accidents do happen, so ladies be more selective. Its your body and at the end of the day your life changes more then his. Get selective. If you choose not to, dont get upset or hurt when he starts to deny your baby or walks out the child’s life. Just remember that you had the deadbeat dad evidence before you had sex with him.

  • Wmofyr

    I’m wondering if the no good man was anything like the father who abandoned her: or like how she believes him to be.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    You know what the problem is with it, as it’s been explained at least twice (one of those times by me). Seriously, just say that you don’t want to understand or just don’t give a damn.

    I see your point in your entry, but this is where I draw the line.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Couldn’t have said this better myself.

  • Wmofyr

    I’m wondering if the no good man was anything like the father who abandoned her: or like how she believes him to be.

  • da ThRONe

    I don’t understand the problem. People are to easily offended. Just cause you have a problem with a word I should not say it? Especially something thats not intended to be offensive and the word isn’t offensive by nature?

    After all are you not a female?

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    You win. I’m done.

  • Rastaman

    Birth of any living thing is a wonder of wonders but we need to quit on the miracle line. After 6 billion, I think we can admit it is no longer rise to the level of a miracle, still a wonder though.

  • Rastaman

    You may want to consider how it would feel if you were forever referred to as “the negroid” by every non black person in your place of employment. I can bet after a while it may become an annoyance.
    Just something to think about.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    But Dewan isn’t your mother or sister female…female woman a synonyms

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Spinster it’s not a win or lose but it makes NO sense..female is biological..that’s akin to being upset a neutron is called a neutron instead of a part of the atom…
    That’s all

  • iJustcant

    My body will go through changes when I get pregnant, I’m the one that can possible die during the birthing process, I’m the one that will breast feed and nurse that child. SO yes, I put the onus on ME to make sure he is strapped and I am protected. My personal opinion is he must be my husband before I start risking my life to have babies for him. I hope to marry a wonderful man who will grow with me in love and life and that is the only person I plan to have children with. I pray my children will have the life I had (My father has since passed on, but till this day his presence in my life has shaped me into the woman that I am).

  • knighthonor

    “The blacks”

    I seen this get tossed around, yet nobody gets offended.

  • http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com/ tiffany

    The concept of “Brenda’s Got a Baby” has transcended over to Shamika, Keisha, Dee Dee and all of the rest. Right now I have three pregnant girls in one class and two in another with one on maternity leave, of which I have to provide them with work for their six week leave. There is NO stigma at all. The girls even invite teachers to their baby showers. I think that is hilarious and sad all at the same time. The teen boys will come talk to me to tell me they screwed up, but the girls…unfortunately they think it is cute. Not a good look.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Do you know html code? You have to type in the open code for strikethrough and then the close code where you want it to end and when you publish it makes the like.

    Open code
    End code

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    see I wrote the code and it ended up striking through. had a feeling that was going to happen. so the code is “” without the quotation marks, and to close it’s the same just put a slash in front of the s /strike with the <> around it

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    you know, what? Never mind LOL

  • Brina

    Oh goodness my post had some serious typos and misspellings. SMH. Anyway, I have a tug of war relationship with the idea of girls and their absent fathers so that thought never crossed my mind to be honest with you.

  • Lonias

    I’m gonna wrap that up like NWSO used to…

    FIN

  • KhayBee

    I am a single mother of 3. And although I did try to prevent the pregnancies (condom, pill, and Depo) once I found out I was pregnant I accepted responsibility. I chose not to get an abortion because I wasn’t raped or in incest…I was f*cking. Period. Life has not been easy. I am going about things backwards (first kids, then job, then college). I tried to work things out with their father. We would be together then break up, reconcile, and have a baby then go thru the cycle again. When we were finally done I was on my own with no family support. My only thought is: maybe if more fathers were in their daughters lives teaching their daughters self worth and love then maybe there wouldnt be so many girls looking for it thru sex….like I was.

  • da ThRONe

    1st why would people at my job need to bring race up?

    2nd if I were in a field where race needed to be in the discussion and people refered to black people in any proper term for black I wouldn’t care. And where is this “the” come from? I never said “The female” or refered to any one female here as “The Female”. I may even understand a woman taking offense to that ,but I’m using the word in general terms.

  • Tea

    lmao…thanks for trying. I used to write code a little bit a few yrs ago but suffer from CRS (can’t remember s***).

  • http://alvinmilton.com AGDM

    Without some blood work done in a lab, how do we as men check that a woman is actually on the pill?

  • Pingback: Unmarried and Pregnant… | In This Crazy World()

  • http://livininthiscrazyworld.wordpress.com/2011/02/28/unmarried-an-pregnant/ Brickhouse

    As someone who fits into this group of unwed mothers, I feel I need to respond to what I feel are many assumptions and inaccuracies the author makes. My response is too long for this box check out my blog for my full response.

    http://livininthiscrazyworld.wordpress.com/2011/02/28/unmarried-an-pregnant/

  • http://alvinmilton.com AGDM

    I think underage pregnancy has always been an issue historically for various reasons most notably financial stability and maturity of the mother & father… Yet its all relative, as there are certain things you can do prior to reaching the age of majority and one of them is getting married (as young as 13-14 in some states I think).

    I also think the way you perceive it depends on your culture or where you grew up in the world. I have met people from other countries who have told me once a girl has her period she is to be treated as a woman, which is a belief I don’t share but it underscores the attitude towards the issue on the whole.

    Overall what is needed is common sense, no matter what age you are but especially if you are trying to bring life into the world.

    Also there is nothing precluding a unwed or underage mother or her child from leading a successful life so the stigma BS needs to stop.

    Now, I’m not saying go congratulate an ill prepared mother, but don’t sh*t on her either.

  • Nik

    I totally agree with Kitty’s comments. Just recently, this very topic came up between me and a family member (who is now pregnant and now not talking to me). To set the backdrop, she has a wonderful now 2-year old son (who is my Godson) that means the world to me and his conception was truly one of innocence not being aware of experience. Now that she clearly knows how biology works, she claims that the condom broke and she got pregnant…again.

    Kitty is right!! Growing up with West Indian parents, I knew not to come home and announce that I was pregnant with the expectations of not getting shipped away someplace or go rolling down the stairs after being pushed!! I looked at my cousin, who was raised under the “new school (she’s only 22) and told her (bluntly) that I’ve been around this block quite a bit more times than you–how the the hell is it that I can NOT get pregnant and you do it and get pregnant? Also, if you are that “fertile” to defy the laws of profylactics, why weren’t you on the pill? With all of this technology now in the universe, you are still using the “accidental” excuse?

    I call BULLSHIT!! You meant to get pregnant and before you admit it to yourself and others you LIE and blame Trojan for not making an effective product. I blame your ineffective product first–YOUR BRAIN!!

  • AConleyCreation

    I’m so late to this…but well said, Throne. I love how you put your opinionated self out ther & in a respectful, intelligent way.

    Yes, their is a double-standard when it comes to parenting and typically, women are the ones to shoulder more the burden. But, we also can make other choices regarding pregnancy without the man’s approval, like abortion. While I do believe parenting should involve both parents, I’m glad I can make a choice like that without the government stepping in & having it approved by the man.

    As for why there is such a high rate of single parents… I think it goes deeper than just laziness. Even in this day & age, there are areas that lack the proper sex education, and even adults have misconceptions about fertility (“I haven’t gotten pregnant all this time, so I figured I was infertile. Oops!”)

    What I think is a bigger factor is the level of self-worth people have for their self and their health. Surely, if you cared enough about yourself not to have a child when it wasn’t good timing, you would also care enough about creating a human being when you couldn’t be a good parent. There’s the issue of women wanting to get pregnant, in or out of relationships/marriages, in hopes this will give them something they lack internally or within their relationship. I know several women who sleep with their partner without protection, even while knowing the man is fooling around or suspect he is. Or, the relationship is an abusive/controlling one, so the woman foolishly goes along with unprotected sex.

    In many cases, we absolutely have a choice in becoming pregnant. A lot of us just aren’t empowered to consider that.

  • DH

    Amen. Naomi, your views are very similar to mine. I have said multiple times that viewing the way other people’s kids act in public serves as an indirect form of birth control for me. I do not want kids who lack home training. I am also over 25 with no kids. I am currently in graduate school. I don’t have the house yet, though. ;)

    I’m from the South, and it seems as if not only do single moms no longer have a stigma, but they wear their single motherhood as a badge of honor. Don’t get me wrong, a woman should be proud to be a good mother, but if questionable lack of standards made a woman a mother, i.e. thinking getting pregnant would make a boyfriend marry her and then getting upset when he leaves, then the lack of judgement is nothing to be proud of.

    I also agree that we should be questioning why 14, 15, and 16 year olds (and sometimes younger) are having sex in the first place. It’s considered normal for kids to have sex now. Parents either accept the behaviour (and borderline encourage it) or they pretend it doesn’t against (which never solves the issue).

    I have been told by older women that in the old school days they used to shame women from being pregnant. That obviously didn’t work, so here we are today. I don’t know if I necessarily agree with “shaming” women anyway, because the man is never shamed. Sexual behaviour from men is always considered normal and men just being men.

    As for the questions posed:

    Is it a double standard that men/boys that get someone pregnant and leave usually get off the hook Scott free?
    Yes.

    Is there really an excuse for an unwanted pregnancy with all the means of contraception we have nowadays?
    No. If this is your first pregnancy, I can understand. Otherwise, there is no excuse unless sexual assault or molestation is involved.

    Are you generally surprised when you meet someone over 25 that doesn’t have kids?
    No. I’m in that group. :)

    Do you think people should only have kids in a committed relationship?
    Yes.

    Would you tell your kid if he/she were an accident?
    No. Children are a blessing from God. If I use bad or lazy judgement, that is my fault. Parents should NEVER make children feel guilty for being born.

    Do single mothers get more of a bad rap than deadbeat dads?
    No. Single mothers have mother’s day. Deadbeat dads get cursed out. LOL

  • Alexsandra The Great

    I think out-of-wedlock children is an issue we cannot effectively address because we talk about minor issues but never fully address the problem. The problem is women and men do not realize the effects a child will have on their lives and society as a whole. People who do not have the finances, emotional and spousal support should not have children point blank period. Children are a big responsibility, and most do not realize this until the children are here, which is too late.
    We need to educate our youth about sex. Realistically, we cannot always preach abstinence; we must face facts: the children are having sex. We need to provide them with up-to-date information about contraception and birth control, and show them the hardships people face raising children with and without a spouse. Letting teens see firsthand the effects of having children young might induce young people to protect themselves against pregnancy.
    Another factor that seems to make pregnancy seem cool to young people is that they feel the government will help financially to raise the child. I am all for helping those in need, but governmental assistance should have a limit. I am not keen on my tax money being send to lazy parents who refuse to work, collect a check, and continue to procreate. Governmental assistance should only be given to a parents for 5 years. This is enough time for them to figure out how they will provide for the child or children and receive higher education. The government gives too many lazy parents a free ride, which I believe works as an incentive to have kids. Young parents knowing that they have a limited time to receive assistance will definitely curb the rate at which they procreate.
    It all goes back to how you were raised and what you saw growing up. I saw my mother and father work hard for everything that we have, thus, I am the same way. I was raised to require more from a man before I start giving him children. But if a young man or woman sees the mother or father laying around all day collecting checks and having miscellaneous children, they will likely follow the same pattern. It’s a sad fact, but it is the truth.
    We need to expose our children to new horizons to teach them there is more to life than having babies. We need to make them strive for education.

    ** And for all of the people going off about Truth referring to women as females, please get off this post; that point is irrelevant. Please argue the point that out-of-wedlock pregnancy is a growing problem in society and offer solutions. Argue the main point, not minor details. Address the problem and offer a solution.

  • how do you get pregnant

    I agree that there isn’t enough accountability and a lot of the time there is more praise and you hear more things like “its what God brings” and “God’s miracle” instead of “what were you thinking?” and “how could you have been so irresponsible.” People think more towards was done is done and now what can one do. Well maybe if more things were said and accountability was held up then our society wouldn’t be in the state that its in now. The reality is that yes we should hold those woman/teens accountable but if we’re doing that then let’s hold ALL accountable. These woman/teens didn’t get pregnant on their own.

  • Lisa

     My name is Lisa Olson and I have battled with my so called infertility for more than a decade until I have finally found a cure, got pregnant twice and now am a proud mother of two beautiful healthy children. Learn more tips for getting pregnant and what to do to get pregnant naturally in 8 weeks.