Saint or sinner?
Like most of us, I feel like I fall somewhere in between the two. While I was named after a saint, I’ve definitely had my fair share of sins in my lifetime. But who hasn’t? Even still, I don’t think I could date someone that was super-religious. That’s no knock against anyone’s faith, but I don’t see my part-time “spiritual” lifestyle meshing well with a sanctified church girl.
Maybe I’m over-generalizing but the women I’ve come across that are into the church heavy tend to OD on it. Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with going to hear the word every (other) Sunday, but when you’re in this church committee and that youth spiritual organization and are quoting scriptures in every other sentence it gets to be a bit much for me. That’s not to say I don’t want a “good ol’ God-fearing woman” (or at least what she represents) but I’m not trying to be baptized with holy water every conversation.
Besides, I enjoy premarital sex and while (I’ve heard) some church girls are the biggest freaks there are just as many that keep their nookie cookies in a vacuum-sealed jar with a big sign that reads: “Do Not Open Until Married.” But just to be clear my aversion to church girls isn’t about sex, it’s about lifestyle.
I actually went to church religiously (pun intended) throughout childhood but as an adult, not so much. But that’s not to say I don’t enjoy it when I do go, because when I decided to attend church while doing my version of Ramadan I did get a few words of wisdom from the sermon. In that regard, it really comes down to the church and preacher.
Going to Catholic school for 12 years I always felt service was too boring and anytime I went to a Baptist church it was just too raucous for my liking. I’m not with all that singing and hyperactivity. Just let me hear the word, pay my tithe and call it day.
The other day I tweeted: “Is it weird taking a date to church?”
A girl I used to date once invited me to church and I went. It was the “young people” church that everybody in Brooklyn goes to and I actually enjoyed. Still, it felt weird being in church singing and shaking hands with strangers but I could do it every now and again, just not every weekend. Maybe when I have kids and do what my parents did, but I’m just not in that space in my life right now.
So whenever I meet a woman that drops the c-word regularly it kind of takes me aback like, “Hmm, she’s one of those; I don’t know if we’re going to mesh,” or “She probably thinks I’m a heathen, so let me leave this God-fearing woman alone.”
I know it may seem like a contradiction to the idea of men wanting a “good girl” but there’s such a thing as being too “good.” Not to continue generalizing but I kind of view church girls as being, well, for a lack of a better word, “boring.” I know they go to the club and live life just like everybody else but the image in my head (or the box I place them in) doesn’t stir up visions of my idea of fun times. I imagine quiet nights, filled with spiritual conversations, lots of prayer, long dresses, big flowery hats, crocheting and missionary sex. I’m kidding, but only a little. LOL
I’m far from a heathen (I think/hope) but I don’t see the things that I do for fun or even for a living (have you read Wet Wednesdays?) fitting into a religious fanatic’s world. I have premarital sex, I curse more than I pray, I don’t study the Bible or even subscribe to any particular religion by the letter, and even if I did, professing my faith at every turn isn’t on my daily agenda.
That’s not to say I don’t believe in something. It’s just that my relationship with God is personal and, admittedly, sometimes rocky. While I never claim to be the most religious person in the world, I still have a spiritual foundation. In addition to going to Catholic school for 12 years, my grandfather held weekly Bible lessons in his basement before he passed. So I definitely have a connection to a Higher Power but it’s not an every day thing for me.
With that said, I see dating someone who lived a by-the-book religious life being difficult. She’d want to go to church on Sunday, and I’d want to sleep in. She’d want to quote verses from the Bible, while I’d be quoting Kanye West verses. She’d want to pray for her blessings, and I want to pray for her to “bless” me. LOL.
One of my exes found God after we broke up and she’s a different person from who I knew. I’m sure if we met today, we never would have dated. For some people religion is just something you check off on a box but for others it’s a way of life. Those are two opposing worldviews that are hard to mesh together homogenously, if at all.
While some may paint me as a church girl-ist (one who’s biased towards church girls) I think religious sisters feel the same way about someone like me. I imagine anyone that’s into the church heavy is looking for someone on the same path as them. That way they go to church together and become one with their congregation and all that jazz because how does Sister Juanita look to her church peers dating (or even marrying) a heathen that would rather watch the game than hear the word?
If I’ve learned anything over the years it’s that most un-winnable arguments revolve around religion, politics and differences between men and women. So what do you think will happen when you combine any two of those three? WWIII or a bad relationship. I can’t and won’t knock a woman for having faith and a stronger relationship with God than I have, but if our core values are different how can we ever forge a healthy relationship together? Yeah, I might entertain the idea of accepting an offer for a church date again but that better not be the highlight of our relationship. #ImJustSayin
Could you date someone of a different faith than your own? Would you take or accept a date to church? Do you view churchgoers as “boring” goodie two-shoes? Or do you think church girls are just as big of freaks as secular girls? Are you turned off or on by when you hear someone goes to church regularly? Would it annoy you to date someone that constantly tried to preach to you and pray for your soul? Are you a saint or a sinner? What are your views on church? Do you think people’s views change once they have kids and they start taking them to church? When was the last time you went to church?
Speak your piece…