[dc]T[/dc]he key word here is lady. While having a pair of X chromosomes may define someone as a woman or “female,” a lady that does not make. Maybe I’m old school but there are certain behaviors I find unappealing in the opposite sex—at least ones that I’d like to pursue. So today I’ve crafted five-and-a-half things a lady should never do in front a man.
I’m sorry but every time I see a woman on the street spit it makes me go limp. While there are some women with a little less couth that you kind of expect that sort of behavior from that still doesn’t make it acceptable. It’s even worse when it’s a “dime.” Imagine seeing Halle Berry in person only to have her hock a lougie on the street. Eww. One of People magazine’s sexiest women alive my ass. Get a tissue and keep it moving.
There was a time when I convinced myself that women just don’t poop, all they do in the bathroom is tinkle. Deep down I knew they did No. 2’s but I never ever wanted to think about it. I mean I look at booties all day in a sexual way, the last thing I want to picture is a big log coming out of that pretty round mound that’s been driving’ me wild. But sadly after living with a woman on two separate occasions my fantasy world where women don’t take massive dumps was crushed. Ladies, please let’s leave something to the imagination by just let us men folk believe the reason you’re in the bathroom so long is because you’re doing your makeup. Remember, the Febreeze is under the sink and the courtesy flush is appreciated.
Okay, there are some circumstances where four-letter words are acceptable (some one steps on your foot, the throes of passion, etc.) but a woman that swears like a sailor is unladylike. Call me a snob but I try to limit my usage of profanity and there’s a time and place for everything, but if every other word is a MF this and F that, or the n-word accents your every sentence, then you’re losing major brownie points with me. There’s a dictionary’s worth of words in the world let’s not let so many go to waste. Also, always remember a thesaurus is not a dinosaur it’s your friend.
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