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5-and-a-Half Things a Lady Should Never Do In Front a Man

Posted by • March 13, 2011 • Printer-friendly

The key word here is lady. While having a pair of X chromosomes may define someone as a woman or “female,” a lady that does not make. Maybe I’m old school but there are certain behaviors I find unappealing in the opposite sex—at least ones that I’d like to pursue. So today I’ve crafted five-and-a-half things a lady should never do in front a man.

1) SPIT
I'm sorry but every time I see a woman on the street spit it makes me go limp. While there are some women with a little less couth that you kind of expect that sort of behavior from that still doesn't make it acceptable. It's even worse when it's a "dime." Imagine seeing Halle Berry in person only to have her hock a lougie on the street. Eww. One of People magazine’s sexiest women alive my ass. Get a tissue and keep it moving.

2) POOP
There was a time when I convinced myself that women just don't poop, all they do in the bathroom is tinkle. Deep down I knew they did No. 2's but I never ever wanted to think about it. I mean I look at booties all day in a sexual way, the last thing I want to picture is a big log coming out of that pretty round mound that's been driving' me wild.  But sadly after living with a woman on two separate occasions my fantasy world where women don't take massive dumps was crushed. Ladies, please let’s leave something to the imagination by just let us men folk believe the reason you're in the bathroom so long is because you're doing your makeup. Remember, the Febreeze is under the sink and the courtesy flush is appreciated.

3) CURSE
Okay, there are some circumstances where four-letter words are acceptable (some one steps on your foot, the throes of passion, etc.) but a woman that swears like a sailor is unladylike. Call me a snob but I try to limit my usage of profanity and there's a time and place for everything, but if every other word is a MF this and F that, or the n-word accents your every sentence, then you're losing major brownie points with me. There's a dictionary's worth of words in the world let's not let so many go to waste. Also, always remember a thesaurus is not a dinosaur it's your friend.

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  • CharlotteJ

    So, basically, it is unladylike to be human?

    • Jhbsksvs

      Not every human smokes

    • Andrew1989

      no, just intentionally doing it to be "funny" or whatnot. No one is saying to just plain old "not" do it, but just to keep those kind of things private and to themselves.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Just save some things for after you get the ring. LOL

  • YeYo

    I do all of it. You sound young son...

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    34 years young to be exact and these things still turn me off in the getting to know you stage. If we're shacked up some stuff will fade, EXCEPT for the smoking. But some of the aforementioned does whittle away at "sexy". #Sorry

  • YeYo

    U sound kinda uptight. Good luck with finding a woman that doesn't poop, fart or burp etc.

    • 66wow99

      dear, you're a nasty talker. go away.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    In my presence? I've done GREAT thus far.

  • YeYo

    In your presence? Huh? Good for you! This list can't possibly be what a grown thinks about & again you should like 1 of those freaky uptight my socks don't match & now the world is over!! Relax and inhale my cigarette smoke ..

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Lost me in that second to last sentence must have been all the smoke blurring your screen LOL. jk I am relaxed.

    I'll just wait for the fellas to wake up and either co-sign or dispute my nifty lil list.

    Where's your additions or female version? Sharing is caring

  • R.e.D

    This list is pretty cave-man mentality right here. No wonder women go around pretending.

    Now I don't do any of these things on purpose in front of men, but I hate being with a man that I have to hold in my being human. I thank God everyday that I 'look' ultra-feminine b/c in reality, I'm not a prissy woman AT ALL. You see, I grew up with 3 brothers, one of whom was extremely nasty, lol. He farted in my face-intentionally and snorted mucous on me-intentionally, all the time. It disgusted me as a child, but honestly I got so used to it that nothing bothers me as an adult. From men, I am fine with your razor bumps- I even take out the ingrown hairs, I am fine with you being bald, your dandruff-that I willingly scrape, your ear wax and your nose hair. I know you take dumps-in fact I had an ex that announced when he was going to do it.

    So why can I not fart-occasionally? Why do I have to pretend to be putting on make-up?? No I'm not going to leave the door open, or fart in your face-that's nasty, but really you want me over, you spend the night at my place, but you don't want me to poop?? I go twice a day and I'll be damned if I have to constantly hold it in for someone. I only do this in the beginning when I am uncomfortable with you. So you should be happy when a woman hits this comfort level. What amazes the hell out of me is that this is coming from a man who wants a woman to be completely sexually free with him-even if he isn't in a relationship with her and just having casual sex, but this same man doesn't want her to be free enough to fart?? Really NWSO?? Sadly, I know many men that feel this same way and for me, THAT is a turn-off.

    I spit quite a bit, but even I find this nasty, so I dont just hawk, I spit very discretely. I usually don't curse and no smoking ever. But basic, human functions?? C'mon...

  • Tiffany

    I cant burp either so its def good to know I have company :)

  • R.e.D

    Then your women need to stop pretending. What's going to happen when you marry her? This is just so unrealistic. Like you living in a fantasy of what a woman represents...not actually the woman herself.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Like I wrote in the post I know some of this stuff happens, I passed human biology, just don't want all this bodily functioning going on with someone I'm getting to know. It's a turn off, in the two instances I referenced where I lived with a woman all the mystique was gone and in that scenario is fine but if I'm just hanging out with you for a few months/weeks and first time at your crib you're farting? #CmonHon If you're that free with your back door, what's happening up in the front? Eww

  • YeYo

    I dont make lists. I take every man that comes my way on a case by case type of thing.. But here's 1 I can't tolerate

    Anyone like your type based on your list.. You sound like if you see a chipped nail polish on a woman then she's not your type .. Smoke some weed .. Sounds like you need a hit or two.. Lol j/k

  • Tes

    NWSO isn't saying anything that hasn't been said at thousands of etiquette classes across the South at this very moment, however...c'mon son. We have to do all these things, SO many things by societal standards just to get a man (allegedly) and now we can't even have the mini-burp? We can't have a silent but deadly? I think after realizing that nobody is a Stepford wife/husband/significant other all that falls to the wayside, but to say it makes a person less attractive kind of rubs me wrong :\. First impression is one thing, but after you've seen me naked a few times I think I should be allowed to not be so pretentious.

    Spitting isn't attractive for anybody. Usually I'll slip in a "That's SO damn attractive" if I pass by a guy who does it and they'll just laugh and say they're sorry and I never see them do it again.; To date I've only seen one woman spit and she dipped snuff so...

    I don't think women should just not do things like poop and poot (we can't stop it if we tried) but I do think you have to be comfortable with someone to do it in their presence. I'd say about the time a person has sex with you is the time you can pop a squat over their toilet. You've already shared everything else so...

    I don't think excessive cursing is a sign of less education, but a lack of creativity and that does not butter my biscuit.

    And yes, it's very weird that you say you don't burp.

  • ArmyProud

    All of the posts here seem to be about what women need to do to please men or what not to do to upset them.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    While it may be hard to believe, there's nothing on the list that I myself would do. I don't spit on the street at random and truly don't understand what's going on with people's system that requires them to on the regular, I don't smoke, I can't burp, like I said I limit my cursing and use of the N-word, and I truly only feel comfortable poopin' at my own home or a hotel that is all my own. I remember staying at my cousin's house for a weekend and coming home early because I refused to do a No. 2 over there. The only times I would be right before a shower so the steam would mask the funk. The only one I'll cop to is farting BUT I have to be super in love with you to break wind in your presence. So if it's caveman to expect someone to live up to the exact same standard you have for your mate then pass me a club I need to hit a few more cave girls over the head.

    • http://tastethethoughts.webs.com Tasty Thoughts

      uhm....well....i know i am MAD late...but im just reading this post and well....ur a bit uptight....end of subject... doesn't mean u need to sit here and apologetic to us. fuck u care...opps i cursed..sorry...but i what im saying really though is this....if your list has not stopped you from getting ass....get it....it just means that it wouldn't be my ass you were getting and thats fine with me...and u know what vice versa cause im sure if i was to sit and think of a list of things i dont think men should do....i could and u would be checked off....my problem i guess is other people....people get over it...jeese....like i said...it just means u wont be suckin on NWSO's dick...#thatisall. great site btw...i hope mine gets to be as popular in the coming months. 

  • Distinguished Gentlewoman

    ...Ha. And then you woke up.

    Do you find it odd that I can’t burp?
    Nope. I can't either. I thought I was the only one.

  • Kamaya

    U don't burp?? U must fart a lot!!!! After 3 yrs of off n on dating my bf. He's nvr heard me pass gas!! I burp a lot bcuz i chew gum.. It's nvr loud n obnoxious tho.. Smoking eww agreed! He smokes nasty ass blacks n tries to get me to take a puff! N kisses me with that nasty taste! Ugh I used to date a guy who announced when he was gonna #2!! I find that weird! Like everybody does it honey & ecerybodys stink!

  • Kamaya

    & my bf will sit in the bathroom while I use it! Lol! He has to leave when I wipe tho.. Lol..certain stuff im comfortable enough to do around him! Shucks if I'm telling him I love him I should b able to do certain things around him..

  • giventhebest

    Nothing annoys me more, and I find unlady-like is a loud woman. Other women find it annoying and men find it to a turn off. But there's always that one chick who can't control the volume of her voice and she's loud/ obnoxious for no other reason than to be noticed.

  • keisha brown

    is this someone you are trying to get to know like - whats your name and on a first date get to know or you've already smanged with..cuz um.. if you can handle being up in her walls, she should be able to have gas. it's dangerous to hold that stuff in.
    this post is..interesting.

    im not going to get indignant, because i understand what you are saying, and it could be argued that a gentleman shouldn't do any of these things in front of someone you aren't married to/in a committed relationship with either.

    but if you are going to reject me/consider my unladylike for things somewhat out of my control (bodily functions) vs things within it (smoking/swearing), than that seems a little bit off/unfair/slightly ridiculous, but to each their own!

    can i also say, that it contributes to the theory that supposedly irritates men the most, that we aren't our true selves with you up front and then become different people once we've 'secured' you?

    food for thought...

  • giventhebest

    Oo lawd I forgot one. picking food from between her teeth at the dinner table.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com preachthetruthteller

    I got to back NWSO on this one... some stuff save for later on..Had a girl on a first date blow her nose and show it to me cuz there was blood in it... By the time the movie started I already knew this was our last date ever..... sorry ladies...some stuff needs to be AFTER we are hooked not before

    • Osirius

      Agreed. I had a girl burp in my presence even before I ever spoke to her. Completely made me decide not even approach. lol

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com preachthetruthteller

    well....for a grown woman her nail polish/color shouldnt look like a 8th graders after recess...

  • TiffanyValentineRay

    1. Do you hate to see people spit on the street or make that hacking sound to bring up the phlegm? ---> Yes! I think that this is absolutely disgusting, however, I rarely see (or hear) women doing this ... I mostly see men doing it.
    2. Are there times when it’s acceptable? ---> No! That's what tissue is for ... && not only is spitting on the ground disgusting ... it's also inconsiderate && unsanitary. I've seen unaware people step directly in spit too many times to count ... nasty phlegm filled spit at that.
    3. Should women keep certain things like doing No. 2s and farting to themselves? ---> No! Flatulence && bowel movements are natural && it can become painful to hold it in. Just do it responsibly ... try to be as considerate as possible.
    4. When is it okay to take a dump at your lover’s house? ---> I think it depends on the comfort level of the person coupled with the collective comfort level of both individuals.
    5. Would you hold it until you got home? ---> I would, if I could. If I believe that I can make it home in time I usually opt to wait. I feel most comfortable using my own bathroom.
    6. How long does it take for you to feel comfortable taking a dump at your lover’s house? ---> I dated a man for 3 years && never went at his place. I just never feel comfortable "going" in other people's bathrooms.
    7. Am I the only guy that convinced himself that women don’t poop? ---> Well the above mentioned man was convinced that I never pooped although I constantly assured him that I do. I just like to do it privately. No one needs to know when I'm doing it.
    8. Do you believe excessive cursing is a sign of less education? ---> I think that profanity is a sign of a person with a limited vocabulary.
    9. Could you stay with someone that cursed excessively? ---> No! I find swear words to be really harsh && disrespectful when used in excess.
    10. Do you find it odd that I can’t burp? Yes! However, many people find it odd that I've never vomited.
    11. What are your thoughts on this list of unladylike actions? ---> I think that you should change the title of this post to "Things Women Do That Turn Me Off" && then you probably wouldn't get so much slack ... people might be more accepting of it because it's a personal statement as opposed to a general statement.
    12. What other actions would you say are “unladylike” that I missed?" ---> I don't think that I feel comfortable compiling a list of things personally deemed "unladylike" ... I think that we should all try to be more considerate of others and realize that our personal choices, i.e. smoking, cursing, spitting, etc. can affect others.

  • thethrill

    Let the church say, Amen. Bodily functions are uncontrollable but there's a degree of class that goes along with everything. Announcing you have to take a dump is not sexy; slide to the bathroom, handle your handle, spray, make sure everything is flushed and leave me w the cushy visual that my girl is a lady. With that said, hearing the rumbling of your gas leaving your ass while we're hugged up on the couch watching a movie is not sexy either. We have DVR, I could pause the show/movie while you excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Smoking and cursing, however, are controllable but I'm good on those as well because it's not feminine (or, what my idea of feminine is).

    As a man, I do gentleman things and therefore appreciate a female who acts as a lady, which, has nothing to do w thinking or acting like a man. And, honestly, a lady should frown her face at the thought females would do such things in this list so brazenly.

  • Garfield

    I've never understood why men will laugh at these same things if they are done by a man, but thinks it's an abomination if a woman does them.

  • Rastaman

    I understand the motivation behind this list because apparently being in a happy relationship or being in love requires a certain level of delusion. But I always feel delusion is a lot like being high, when you sober up it just feels worse than you remember. I am big on keeping it real and I really don’t want to hold any illusions about my woman especially where natural bodily functions are concerned. We are not going to sit around having discussions about our habits but I got no issues with her bowel movements or expulsions of gas. They are natural, normal and required to be healthy.

    Excessive cursing by anyone in my circle is never appreciated and neither is excessive spitting. I am no fan of smoking, it’s a turnoff for me, not only is it unhealthy I am damn sure not kissing no ashtray mouth. Plus who the hell is still picking up cigarette smoking these days, I get the same sense about a smoker as I do meeting someone who just started smoking crack, WTF you missed all the warnings.

    An aversion by some men to women’s bodily function I see as another aspect of our interaction that many still approach in an immature way. There are certain societies where finishing a meal with a burp is considered good manners. In some others cultures farting and spitting are as commonplace as coughing and sneezing. I am aware that this will probably not alter anyone’s views but considering how difficult relationships are why input added issues where they are not required.

    I found out recently that in Ancient Rome, they had public commodes similar to sitting on a park bench. So folks would sit and do their business publicly right next to a complete stranger. Imagine that the next time the idea of your SO taking a dump in your presence makes you unnerved.

  • Belve10

    #nocosignforyou

    I'm not saying do all that from the giddyup but their are lady-like ways to do those things. Your list is your list, but it sounds unrealistic to make it apply only to ladies. Your list could be turned around and expressed towards what is proper behavior for a gentleman.

    Your list should be re-titled as 'Things People with Good Manners should Never Do in Front of Others'

  • Kaamna

    To this day, I have never commented on any of your posts NWSO..but I must say I am in complete agreement with you on this one! Come on ladies! Act like a lady, get treated like a lady. I mean who wants to end up with a bogan?!!! Seriously?

  • MonaLisa

    I can't believe all these women that are getting bent out of shape over this post! Y'all act like he got the list displayed on his fridge or something. I would say that I agree with everything he stated because I also don't do any of these things willingly and I expect the same from whatever man I'm with. And I what he was trying to say was moreso farting and burping purposely. I have a weak stomach and I can't deal with any of the gross things on this list.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    *rolls eyes*

    Anslem, you're trippin'.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    It's the truth
    save something for later on
    burping, farting ,etc... All that is not attractive
    better yet
    How many men want to bring home Sarah Silverman?? Not too many
    be like that scene from don't be a menace

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Thanx homie

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Preach, you're trippin' too.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    That's where people are assuming wrong. Of course this doesn't relate to a longterm relationship in terms of never ever. When two folks live together (like I noted in the post) and/or been together for a long time so things on the list become part of the comfort zone of the relationship and might even be a sign of true love LOL. But still, at the root it is unladylike and ungentlemanly to do all of the above on purpose in the presence of ANYONE. Keep that to yourself as much as possible. Especially when you're getting to know someone. Can we put at least a 6-month cap on the bodily functions? Thanks

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Kids laugh at it too.... coincidence?

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    sorry that title is/was too long #truestory :)

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    welcome to the board and out of the shadows. lol

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    And by the way, I curse like a sailor in appropriate circumstances. (I don't use the N-word and, most times, the B-word). Think it's uncouth? Tell that to the 3 pieces of paper I paid for. :-/

    *rolls eyes, cusses under breath*

  • hellifiknow

    Do you not want women who have periods either? Can't say I blame you for that because if nlood came out of dicks, blow jobs would ne obsolete. Fuck that. Yup I curse,have bowel movements and have even been known to have the occasional cigarette when I drink. I'm grown homie. If you like me, you like me, if you don't you don't. Men try to control us with this what men like shit. Everyone is different. People wonder why relationships break up - a lot of times it's because you hooked up with the representative, not the real person. I do hear you, though if you mean just being respectful of the other person. I don't want you pulling scabs or clipping toenails in front of me either. But if you need to take a shit, even if I'm in the shower, fine. If I can't handle it, I'll get out. Yes, I'd like the choice and to retain some mystery but certain things can't be helped. If you want a girl who doesn't fart or shit, pick a vegan. Neither of those things shouls stink and they won't when you eat a healthy diet.

  • hellifiknow

    Sorry 4 the typos - on mobile I can't see easily see the full reply box.

  • http://Www.mysixcents.wordpress.com K. LySha

    You're completely entitled to have your own list regardless of how sexist it is. But to be fair you should be sure to direct your ladyfriend to this post so she's fully aware that if she wants to be in a relationship with you she must keep her humanness in check and continue to feed into the male delusions about women.

    Of course in the early stages its polite to keep all the unsavory parts of your humanness in check. But if we're comfortable enough to do unspeakable acts in the bedroom together I should not have to run out of the room to burp. A dude who would expect such out of me is a turn off to me so I'd need to know about his issues up front so I don't waste my time.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Oh NOOOO. Unspeakable acts in the bedroom? NOOOO. F---ing FEELS good. It's not nasty. Because you can't get STDs or anything like that. And you can't get pregnant either. Because we all know how nasty the birthing process is. Gotta make sure that there's no water breakage or urine or blood during the birthing process. It's gotta be clean so we can make sure the menfolk are not grossed out.

    Let's get ready for etiquette class, ladies! Pish posh, pip pip, off we go!

  • JC

    So according to NWSO I'm not lady like because I curse...sh*t sometimes situations in life call for a curse...and I do it like a sailor...when it is called for and in the appropriate environment
    .
    Nature is what nature is...I'm not going to mess my body by holding back on farting or doing No.2 but I certainly won't announce what I am doing. Are we not adults? Fantasy Island was just a TV show.

    Spitting...I really have not come across any women that do that...the only people I see doing it are men.

    I understand the smoking even as a smoker. But as for not looking lady like while I smoke...how much of a lady do women look like when they are drinking and get sloppy drunk? That one didn't make the list...how sexy is a woman with glazed over eyes and slurred speech? I digress.

    Generally speaking the title should be "Things Women Do That Turn NWSO off and maybe some other men"...cause even though you would turn and walk away once you saw me with the "cancer stick" the guy right behind you might come up and ask me for a light.

  • Naomi

    Other than cursing, I don't prefer to know about a man's bodily functions, either. Smoking is definitely out of the question as well. Having said that, we're all human and discretion is appreciated.
    I think another reader commented how many of these posts are about what women can do to make men happier (paraphrasing) and I agree. What's up with that? Also, NWSO, you sound defensive. Why?

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Just to qualify, I'm not by any means offended by this post. (Because we all know how much us wimminfolk get offended by stuff.) I do, however, find this list laughable at best and absurd at worst.

    If anything, what offends me is the constant barrage of articles & posts & conferences & meetings & prayer groups & seances and (insert any form of gathering here) that have proliferated in recent years about what women, especially Black women, need to do or not do to please men. That is what offends me. (And it's not so much offensive as it is just tired.)

    See? I guess those 3 pieces of paper that I paid for actually worked. I speak & write like a proper lady. Let me kiss your ring, dear Sir & My Lord. *curtsies*

    :-|

  • JC

    I have to agree...every time I turn around there is another post, another article, and another "divine" list that is "suppose" to help women "land that man".
    Things were not analyzed this much 10 years ago and I wonder what has happened...can someone do a post, an article, a panel on that...

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    You and I can do a panel on that! Let's call it "Train Up A Man In The Way He Should Go"! They ain't ready.

    Oops..... so sorry. I mean "they are not ready". I beg your pardon, please. :-|

  • JC

    Sad thing is, because remember, men are so simple and us, women, with our fragile array of emotions, that I fear much of what would be discussed would go over their heads as just "silly women nonsense" ;-)

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Oh. That's right. Never mind then. Let's return to our etiquette & proper corset attire clahhh-sses. Anything for our Sirs and Lords.

    :-|

  • JC

    Funny you should mention corsets, I was watching the movie The Other Boylen Girl and I thought...look at how simple a relationship once was...some small conversation made, a smile, a mere kiss on the hand, asking of a name and it was known that you were wanted and in some cases taken...add to that that back then people took baths every what...two weeks maybe...clearly such things as some indicated in the list above didn't matter to any of those men.

  • SweetCree

    Can he have the hiccups???

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Hey if I can avoid grabbing my manmeat and scratching my ass...u can ease up on the burpin farting and cursing

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Now why is it when a man speaks the truth we get called sexist ?
    Men think like this get over it..
    Excuse us for not wanting to smell the funk of your shit after 6 weeks...
    Excuse us for expecting a woman to..you know ...be a lady..which includes a sense more of manners than a man...
    Excuse US for wantin that...

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    So hypothetically a man dating you can scratch the underside of his nutsack early on in the relationship??

  • Chanee

    As a well-educated, gainfully and professionally employed, happily taken woman in a two year relationship with my best friend and soul mate, let me speak....

    If you ladies who were offended by this post would prefer to be single and burp, fart, and poop freely, more power to you.

    The reality is, most men don't want to experience your bowel movements before they meet your parents. This is a pretty good standard of when its okay to "let loose". After 6 YEARS of knowing my man, I am still embarrassed when I pass gas in front of him, and when we are in one another's homes, we go to the "extra" bedroom to handle our business.

    It works for us.

    If you're offended, I am willing to bet that you're either unladylike, single, or both.

  • JC

    If I have more sense of manners than the man I'm dating...we won't be dating. I love how on certain subjects women are "allowed" to hold the higher mark then men and in others not so much.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    That's the thing though - as much shyt as you men talk, you don't often (if ever) change anything about yourselves. I'm sure that at least 1 woman on here can attest to her partner/husband still scratching his ass & balls on a regular basis, and he damn sure won't change it because she wants him to. "How dare her ask that of me!"

    But us wimminfolk, oh NOOOO..... we're too flawed, so we have to bow and curtsy and hold in bodily gases and speak prim & proper and refrain from cussing and "act like a lady, think like a man" and (I'm sure I'm forgetting some other flaw that us wimminfolk have)..... because we wimminfolk have plenty (of) flaws, don't we.

    :-|

    Y'all trippin'. Gone on with that. Now, gonna go mumble under my breath so as not to offend our dear Sirs & Lords.

    *GTFOHWTBS out of earshot*

  • Truthdivine1979

    I hate to say it, but I agree with NWSO on this one. As a registered nurse, I know bodily functions are a natural part of life...that's easy to understand. In the hospital setting, we expect to know that the patient's body is functioning properly.....honestly, we tend to get happy after a patient [male or female] has had abdominal surgery and pass gas.....in this situation, it is not uncomfortable or "necessarily embarassing" for a female patient......HOWEVER, even when I am with my man, I don't feel comfortable with being "open" about such things. Yes, I know it is a natural thing, but to me it is awkard if your man is all over you and then you just "let it rip!" I am sure that would kill the mood!!! I don't curse, smoke or spit....so I guess I am good on that one! lol! Call me old fashion!!!

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    The reason these list pop up is because no matter how many times a MAN tells a woman something about men...there seems to be a segment that refuses to believe it..sometimes if we can shut our mouths and minds off when's real honest intuitive Man is speaking you might learn something ladies

    just a thought

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    My sentiments exactly. Thank you.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Don't be ridiculous. :-/ You know what us wimminfolk are talking about.

  • JC

    It is the "idea" that list like this are floating around in print and on the Internet is what is offensive. It is the idea that whatever one does or says is going to be so scrutinized that many will over look the person as a whole that I am offended by. Everyone has a preference. Some more shallow than others.

    For me, let me know all your bad and disgusting habits upfront. No way in hell do I want to find 6 months down the line that you have a habit that I would be turned off by...Be who you are so I can get to know the real person.

  • http://www.nwso.net NWSO

    If I sound defensive it's because some people are misconstrued my words and attributing sentiments that were not expressed by me in the piece. Of course, I know women do most of these acts (I wrote that in fact) I also wrote that it's my list and my thoughts. I'll stand by both as always.

    I'm sure if the tables were reversed and some guy went on a date and farted, burped and blew up her bathroom that woman would not be turned on. The post didn't talk about married or long-term couples. I'll talk fault for not expressing the early stages when the "representative" is present but still, even when I'm comfortable with a woman and her with me I don't want her to leave all sense of restraint out the window, as I'm sure she'd want from me. My first girlfriend that I lived with I constantly walked out the room to fart and she asked me to just do it in the bed, months later I finally buckled and she asked me to go back to leaving the room. LOL.

    End of the day when someone tells you to act like a lady or gentleman the key word most overlook is ACT. It's not our true self but under the title of "lady" or "gentleman" is a certain code of conduct that society bestows, if we just want to be regular human beings, which we all are, by all mean let the good funk flow.

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Yes. Because us uncouth tacky ass b----es walk around farting & burping & spitting all the time. That's why we're single & unladylike and that's why we're offended. Right.

    Guess what. Anslem & Preach & like-minded others, you win. Gonna go back to my etiquette class. JC & R.e.D. and the rest of us clearly need it.

  • YeYo

    Say it again Belve10!!!! This post got me all bothered. Does the writer even understand the kinda of shit(yes, I curse moderatley) women put up with. And if cigs are NO for him why not make that #1 on his list...

  • JC

    Did you ever think that some women are listening and going "eh, we are human." and we move it along.

  • Chanee

    I think male bloggers post things like his becauae they love us....they want us to succeed In "landing" the man of our dreams, if that's what we want to do. Posts like these aren't written from a place of judgement it oppression. It's more of a, "here is an insider's tip". While I understand your points and feel they are valid to some extent, they are not realistic.

    Most people do have a double standard where their significant other is concerned. How is this post any different than "No Scrubs"? Would you judge a man if he said he can't date you because you don't make enough money to support him?

  • YeYo

    Heck.. I had a man complain that women cry too much so he was looking for a "non-crier". y'all want a plastic doll not a human being and please with this I wont wife you unless ....please! Get over yourselves.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    oh ladies chill
    the world is unfair
    SOMETIMES it's to your advantge
    sometime it's to ours
    a Woman can make more than me but I am expected to pay if we go out.
    Women get child support and alimony in most divorces
    Women get all types of gifts and merchandise on Valentines Day
    while a man gets the SAME ass he got the day before
    Momma is WAY more appreciated than daddy...
    So if all y'all got to do is not burp fart or take a shit in front of us..,
    I think it shouldn't be an issue

  • JC

    But when a women gives her "insider tip" we are whining to most men.. Those that have that double standard aren't the realistic ones. There is all this talk about partnership and loving for who they are...yet many are putting limitations on that. I understand liking what you like and I can respect that...but say as you do and do as you say.

  • Kitty1026

    I agree with this list, and I'd like to add getting sloppy drunk to the list. I hate going out and seeing girls that are falling over drunk. If you are wobbling in your heels after a few drinks, that's your cue to stop. Your girlfriends should not have to carry you out any establishment.

    Now, I am about to contradict myself, because I do like to partake in greenery every once and again. I actually know a lot of educated, professional women, such as myself, that do smoke weed. I do, however, enjoy it in the privacy of my own home. I am also a very clean smoker. I only smoke on my porch (never in the house, no matter how cold it is), I brush my teeth afterwards, and I always have a steady supply of mints and body spray on hand. I only smoke around my friends that smoke and/or know of my bad habit.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Human till the check comes

  • Nina

    Anslem is a man, saying things that HE finds less than attractive. And I whole-heartedly AGREE! It is not so much about trying to maintain some delusion, but just being considerate. Sure we all are human, but do I need to be subjected to smelling it? Go into the bathroom and use some Lysol, Febreze, or matches...less work than shaving.

    No one should spit on the street...ever.

    For most non-smokers, the smell of smoke is just gross.

    I used to curse like a sailor when I was younger, but then I learned that many men don't like it and realized my vocabulary is a lot more extensive than I thought. I very rarely comment, but some of these responses from the ladies are kind of nutty. Just post your own list of Things Men Shouldn't Do.

    Open mouth chewing and talking
    Loud grunting at the gym
    Flossing outside of the bathroom

  • JC

    The world is UNFAIR to YOU because you CHOSE to have it that way as do many of people.
    See I can complain or bitch or vent because I am one of those women that doesn't make more than the man but I will pay my fair share and not see it as some slight to his manhood.

    Married and divorce and there are children and the father has no desire to be in their lives...don't support...but if he choses to see his child and help raise...help pay for the cost and don't bitch about what he would have been doing had the couple stayed together.

    I give as good as I get...in any and everything that I do.

    Others complain about the double standard yet do nothing to change it.
    I don't like the double standard. I came from a household where I witnessed both parents pulling their weight. It is all I understand. Sadly not many grew up like that.

  • Jennifer

    As a woman I try not to do any of those things and more. I was just brought up to be a lady and not that those things are un-lady like BUT I don't pass gas in public period; regardless of a man's presence. Just not my personality; call it uptight or just one with manners.. #blametheupbringing

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    We want real women
    let's talk about y'all list
    tall, handsome, good job,good credit,in shape, big dick, knows how to use it,loving,caring,protective, AND faithful....
    Y'all list isn't all that inclusive either

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Let's tout this idea to the Patent Office!

    - built-in lock on the mouth, only to be opened when the man wants the knob slobbed since he wants his woman to keep her mouth shut any other time

    - built-in lock on the anus & rectum, only to be opened if he likes anal sex

    - no tear ducts

    - vagina with "open 24 hours" sign because that's the only thing that the man will allow to emit any gases or fluids; however.....

    - none of that pregnancy & birthing shyt. Too unladylike.

    Deuces.

  • JC

    Tall- I wear flats...do I want to look down my nose at you...no I want to be able to look into your eyes when I stare straight ahead. I'm 5'4"
    Handsome- Is relative...what she thinks of as handsome I won't.
    Good job- How about does it make you happy...good can be relative as well.
    Good credit- Not looking to buy a house with you. You want to pay everything with cash...go right ahead.
    I have been more impressed with a man's tongue and hands than his big dick.
    Loving, caring, protective...these are things that will be given back so why shouldn't I want them.
    Faithful...as long as you are I will be too ;-)

    List should really only be for Christmas and the supermarket...

  • SeraPhoenix

    Alright, the call to weigh in came from a friend, and I wasn't going to, because let's face it, at first, I was offended. Then I thought about it (which is what I usually do so I wont jump to conclusions when I get offended/upset/jealous). I found I had no reason to be offended...because I've never claimed to be a lady. I'm of the school of thought that you might as well get to know the real me from the beginning and accept it now, or else it'll never work later. There are too many men out there for me to deal with you being grossed out or turned off because I'm human. That doesn't mean that I'm going to sit on your lap when I first meet you, belch in your face, and then expect you to kiss me after...but if you happen to be around and something slips, its not the end of the world.

    All that being said, standards wise, that stuff ISN'T ladylike. I don't get why people think that just because its 2011 or "the times have changed" that we wont be judged by the same old standards. Judgement is unavoidable. It's also ignorable. I've been in plenty of long term relationships and am about to get married and I've happily enjoyed being myself.

    The thing to remember is, all of the stuff listed is also not becoming of a gentleman either. I don't particularly want to be around any of that stuff, so why should a guy expect anything different from the "fairer gender"? In societal standards, NO ONE does that stuff around opposite sex. Maybe if the post said that somewhere, people would get it? Men used to retire to entirely different rooms to smoke and have drinks, I had a boyfriend in the past who spoiled me by refusing to spit where I could see or hear it, many women get offended when a guy is cursing around women, and generally, who wants to be around anything gas- or excrement-like coming out of anyone?

    In the end, this post, to me at least, is just a re-iteration of standards that were set in place many, many years ago. Its not the poster's fault; give a middle finger to society if you don't like it and/or hold men to the exact same standards they hold you to...I do every day.

  • QuoteMan

    I think people who add special effects to spittin are nasty but rarely are women guilty of this. Now as far as this list goes, I think those are the stuff a down-to-earth chick is made of. And who doesn't want down ass chick, in the words of charlie sheen, that's winning!!!

    Smoking is a turn off for me but that still does not give grounds for calling someone unladylike.

  • Cherie

    Excellent Sister......!!!!

  • Cherie

    Whoops...my excellent comment was for R.e.D!! Some valid points.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Spin relax I still love ya foul mouthed ass
    lol

  • Chanee

    Define ladylike, please.

  • da ThRONe

    Damn I'm late.

    This is sexist. I'm sorry like many of the ladies have pointed out this is what humans do. How fair is it to tell a sex they can't do humanly things. It isn't healthy to hold your "poop" or "fart" why would I expect a women to do it just because she is a female of the species?

    The only problem I have is smoking. Maybe I watch to much porn ,but when I see a woman spit I don't go limp I get hard. *Ohwell*

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Only on Wednesdays between the hours of 12:01 and 12:08 PM, but not if it's a leap year.

    LOL

  • Amber

    Women are six times more likely to have irrtable bowel than men; so everytime you take her out to dinner its likely she will be irritated by something in that meal. Additionally to keep it real having sex does cause gas (the pumping action stuffs air into that region). I am not saying lift of your leg and fart but all of these five things are normal and her holding it in (therefore being in pain) for you making the gas worse is insane. THIS POST IS RIDICULOUS!!!!

  • Naomi

    I'm not disagreeing with what you wrote because I believe having good manners is sexy. I'm also not disagreeing because these are your thoughts and this is your blog and I respect that and I can choose not to read.
    Having said that, I do find with many relationship blogs and "experts" I follow on Twitter that men aren't always addressed equally. Some articles/comments come across as "nit-picking." Tell us what we do right instead of what we do wrong or what isn't going to please you.
    Bottom line: both sexes need to mind our manners & be more encouraging instead of discouraging.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    I'll say this, the title says things a "lady" should never do in FRONT of a man. Whatever y'all do behind him, beside him or whatever is on her. If the idea of basic manners is now something women (and men) no longer have or understand I missed that memo. Again, as written it's ridiculous to think that i think that women don't/can't/shouldn't poop/burp/fart. Yes, they're bodily functions I'm well aware of but most folks, at least I do, do it off to the side and in private.

    I stand by my post/views, the only thing I'll take back is the fact that I didn't properly explain that this is in regards to early stages and not fully relevant to a longterm relationship or marriage where all the walls come down and folks are 100% real.

    Aside from that if I'm keeping my bodily functions to myself, I'd appreciate you do the same—man, woman or child.

  • http://sillysinglegal.blogspot.com Co Co

    Every time I read a list of do's or don'ts, haves or have nots pertaining to a relationship, I ask "How's that working for you?" If you're still single, you may need to reevaluate your list. Everyone has deal breakers. Smoking and drinking and things you can control are understandable, but if natural bodily functions are deal breakers for you, then..........I just don't know.

  • http://sillysinglegal.blogspot.com Co Co

    Maybe you should have made the post about manners.

  • Chrissy

    Hmm this is a good post but I honestly didn't know men were so dillusional. I mean...all women do that stuff. ALL of them. Why try to pretend that it doesn't happen. Now, Im not saying just be all out there with it, but why pretend?

    This is why men say, 'she changed when we got married.' No it's not that she changed but she knew she couldnt do certain things because you wont like it. So she played the game.

    I come from the schootl of thought that says let me know how you really are upfront so there wont be any surprises. I want to fully know the person, not their representative.

    And you can have sex with someone exchanging bodily fluids but burping or passing gas is...iono...disgusting? Really?

    Good post anyway.

  • QuoteMan

    Ok big homie, let me ask you this, how do you react to pus*y fart, do you pull out and run for the door? Lol

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Well, first it's a look that says "what the hell was that?" Then, she confirms that it was just her kitty and not her booty. Then, it's a mutual laugh at a job well done.

    In the event that it was actually gas, I guess I relaxed her and I'm probably too euphoric to care at that moment. More than likely it's not the first time cause that's just embarassing.

    **side note** I need lunch, I'm famished

  • Bishop

    I agree with NWSO, the list he presented is not unreasonable. Im not saying that they should never be done but when dating or even in a long term relationship they shouldn't be the norm.

    If you think the things on the list are ok....do them around everybody, your parents, your boss, your pastor, etc. Don't save those special moments for me, lol. In that context, how would you feel if your co-worker, pastor (while giving a sermon), or medical doctor did those things??? Its a sign of respect to keep those things to a minimum. If you wouldn't do those things in the presence of others (out of respect or because its rude or vulgar) why would you continuously do that in my presence? I know they are natural and I won't judge you for doing it, I just don't want it to be an everyday part of my relationship. You should be my lady...not my homeboy.

  • sb007

    Does snoring hasve a place in the list? This can occur while resting your head in your lover's arm...

    Is is ladylike, humanlike or manlinke?

  • Chrissy

    To the people on here that have parents that have been together for a while....Do they not do those things in front of each other? If my parents have to pass gas or do the #2 they will. And guess what? If it spells really bad we'll make a joke out of it. lol. But we all carry ourselves well. We are not trashy or anything. Me and my mom are so comfortable with each other she will actually take a bowel movement while I am in the tub(when i go home), but I close the curtain and we have air freshner.

    Now of course we dont do these things infront of everyone but seriosuly? I cant believe the one lady said she was still embarressed to pass gas infront of her husband and they been together for 6 years. Really?

    Wow. Maybe this is rare? I guess I should give my parents more credit, it seems they take each other as is. And my dad is also a smoker. Been smoking sense before I was born. It honestly does not bother me. It is not healthy and he has problems now, but...

    People on here are looking for imaginary people it seems. Godd luck with that. Ans dont be schocked when you find out they are not who you thought.

    This post just says we like to lie to ourselves about people to like them. If u want people to hide natural body function..what else can they not do or what else do you want them to hide?

    Im not saying I disagree with your post as a whole but....

  • Chrissy

    In my personal opinion doing those things is a sign of comfort when a person feel like they dont have to retend anymore. People pretend enough as is. Now you have to build up a facade with your spouse too?

    my bad for typos

  • da ThRONe

    Maybe now that I'm grown I don't have time to be superficial.

  • JC

    "Maybe now that I'm grown I don't have time to be superficial"...I couldn't have said better.

  • AConleyCreation

    With this thinking, you may as well sequester us while we have our periods or are giving birth. I'm with you on that certain things should be handled with class, but that goes for BOTH sexes. Our bodies were designed for BOTH bodily functions and pleasure... thank God for that!

    If I have to pass gas or take a crap, I will attempt to do so in a classy way. But I WILL NOT hold it in (especially the latter) because it is UNHEALTHY.

    I'm normally on the same wavelength with you, but come on. This kind of thinking is antiquated.

  • AConleyCreation

    And we should also make sure to never urinate in a man's presence, even if behind closed doors, because that hole is just too close to the other hole that he cherishes so dearly.

  • Justme

    So what happens when we get married?

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    If you're doing it in a "classy" way then we're already on the same wavelength. Classy = ladylike. And I noted earlier that I'm abiding by the same rules so where's the harm. Do unto others and all...

    Nice avatar by the way

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    this doesn't apply to marriages and other longterm relationships, was intended for honeymoon stage relationships before the real deal. Although, some married etc might not want all the bodily functions up in their face, but to each his/her own

  • http://nwso.net Symbiotic Loner

    (blink) Err... So... After a woman gets married, she's no longer a lady?! LOL... I don't think of a woman who does ANY of this as LESS than a lady... She's just ALIVE!!! Well... Maybe not #4, but that's because I'm not a smoker... (shrug)

    5-and-a-Half Things a Lady Should NEVER Do Anywhere Near the Symbiotic Loner...

    1) Play games with me

    I RESPECT women who are as straight-up as they want me to be with them. No shullbit wanted by a woman automatically means no shullbit served by a woman...

    2) DON'T mean what you say and DON'T say what you mean

    This is a QUICK way to be diss-missed as "confused female" by the Symbiotic Loner... Plus, I have no love (and DEFINITELY no respect) for fake-a*s females...

    3) Shove a list of demands in my face and NOT expect me to shove one back at her

    A true lady knows that a man has needs (just like she does) and tries to take care of them. A B1TCH knows that a man has needs but just doesn't care...

    4) Trying to peg a current dude in terms of her past dudes

    A true lady will NOT stand for a man to see her in terms of his past "experiences". So, where's the common courtesy?! THAT'S a question a man has no need to ask a true lady...

    5) Being confused by respect shown

    A true lady can receive the respect shown to her since she LEARNS the the style of respect of her man. B*tches, on the other hand, will spit on a man respecting her...yet yell "why" when dudes like me ditch on the search for a true lady...

    5.5) "Step to the table" hungry

    It's apparent that that women don't have respect for "thirsty" dudes. I, as a result, have even LESS respect for "hungry" females--wanting something WITHOUT putting in something. I have no love (and DEFINITELY no respect) for lazy-a*s females...

  • Nickee

    I have never posted a comment on a blog before, but I think this is crazy!! Geesh can us LADIES get a break. Everyone passes gas and has a #2 its actually healthy I can agree that you may not want to do it on a first date but exactly how long does a women have to wait until YOUR ready? I do think its a part of being comfortable and being yourself around a person. It turns my off that a man can be sooo pickey and dare I say bougie, I mean it almost sounds a lil feminine to me. I want to be able to take my wig off, wipe the make-up off my face,relax and keep it 100% real around my man and if he cant take that then the heck with him I guess he needs some blow doll or fake chick whi is willing to let her insides explode to impress him to spend his time with. I dont even want to get started on a list of bad mannerisms men have or feminine qualties most have these days either.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Ok some of y'all are soundng like u didn't actually read the damn post. It's not about double standards, the womans rights movement, sexism,control,hiding your "true" self or ANY of that...
    All a man wants is that you wait until the relationship is solid until u pass gas in front of us...if we can keep our hands off our nuts keep the funk of your gas in the bathroom...
    DAMN it's not that difficult to understand
    makin mountains out of molehills... Sounding more backwards Than a 50 Tyson Soulja Boy record

  • JC

    Actually NWSO wants it to be more of not doing any of those things in front of him...5.5 things a lady should NEVER do...never being the operative word...

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    In regards to a list if male bad mannerisms: Why not? Wouldn't that only be fair to show the other side? Feel free to submit to my email address which is at the end of the post or at the top in the contact section.

    And devil's advocate, if you want your man to see the real you why are you wearing the wig, makeup etc. in the first place? Just be you from jump and you wouldn't have to worry about having to take anything off.

    #NoShots Just an observation/thought

  • da ThRONe

    My point is if you can expect a woman to be "classy" enough not to be a human in the beginning why can't you be mature enough to understand bodily function is about class its about being human.

    I always make the case about paying on 1st date. If money isn't the issue who cares who pays even if its rrthe 1st date. Same here if its not a problem it shouldn't be from day one.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    (some of) THE LADIES ARE FULL OF CRAP
    Women keep saying they want the real, tell me upfront what's good or bad about you , real real real....
    So NWSO has given you his and alot of mens requirements are .. at least for the first few months...
    Now INSTEAD of accepting that this maybe how some MEN think and dealing with it...the ladies seem intent on proving it's wrong...
    Don't we afford u the same when u want a man that's tall,sexually talented, etc...
    So basically it proves a age old theory
    WOMEN CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH...

  • Joolz68

    Are 'accidental' releases also deal-breakers? I have (on occasion) let a little poot slip while sneezing. and laughing. (If I laugh really hard, I may make it rain, too.)

    Would you be willing to wait (6 months) if your 'lady' said she couldn't perform fellatio because it sends extra air into her system, causing her to poot? Would you tell her to stop 'blessing' you, because you didn't feel comfortable with her pooting when she did?

    speaking of fellatio: I guess I'm a 'lady', since I don't spit.

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    Please refer Section 5 (labeled FART) third sentence for answer. You'll see I said there are times where "a pass" is afforded for ACCIDENTAL flatulence.

    Make it rain? You mean pee? That ain't rain LOL

    A man should wait whatever time a woman deems necessary before opting to bless him, that's her mouth and her rules, I nor any other man should have any expectations about what she does with it and when. It may suck (pun intended) but I don't go anywhere I'm not invited and don't going sticking plugs in sockets not my own.

    And I was going to write a witty line about spitting/swallowing in teh actual post, but I figured there was no reason to take it there. LOL

  • Jamar

    I couldn't agree more with you NWSO--especially the smoking aspect. I DO NOT CARE how fine a woman is-->if she smokes that is an automatic FAIL in my book. That is by far (to me) the most disgusting, unladylike, "un-sexy", irresponsible things a woman (or man for that matter) can do. I will tell a woman in the quickness that I will not/cannot deal with her if she is a smoker (cigarettes, blacks, or weed).

  • Joolz68

    And Devil's advocate:
    If a man wants to 'keep it real', he wouldn't be with a woman he felt was fake. If he can't tell a woman has on makeup (thinks women's lips come shiny & red, their eyelashes long $ fluttery, their eyelids multi-colored), or a wig/weave/piece, then he has OTHER ISSUES.

    Does the fact that I want to be 'allowed' to do something human, means that I have to be 100%? Just because I eat salad, don't make me a vegetarian. Just because I go to Church, doesn't mean I'm a religious zealot. If I have a glass of wine with dinner, do I need to see Dr. Drew?

    Wigs, makeup, nails, etc. are OUTWARD things: part of a person's APPEARANCE. Same as the haircuts and designs in facial hair, shaving of the chest & back (and arms and fingers! LOL), trimming nose & ear hairs.

    I won't burp in your face or ask you to 'pull my finger'. But if one comes out, I don't expect you to run for the hills (children and animals are afraid of loud sounds: good thing I don't date either).

  • Maureen

    This might be off-topic but what bugs me even more was that besides those public toilets they also had communal sponges to wipe oneself... think about that next time you go to the bathroom ;)

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    No doubt, the question just popped in my head based on what you wrote in previous comment.

    As long as said woman (or anyone for that matter) is not burping in my face and thinking it's cute especially in my age bracket I'm good. As like Section 5, line 3, notes accidents happen. We're all human after all—even ladies :)

  • Maureen

    Ehm, no. I had a vegetarian and a vegan roommate and I can assure you that when they did #2, they stank soo bad, I had to wait for hours until the bathroom could be used again. I'm talking tears-in-your-eyes-stank, and I've had friends who had similar experiences. But yeah, poop is supposed to stink anyways, just don't leave the marks in the toilet please, thank you.

  • Joolz68

    Section 5, line 3: "I’ll give y’all a pass if you let one go in your sleep, but..."

    But if I'm awake, are all bets off?

    And you would deny yourself a 'blessing' or five, because you don't want to take the chance of your 'lady' letting one rip?

    You are a special kind of guy!

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    That was just an example. Point was there are passes for accidents in general as with anything in life. All rules are meant to be broken (for the right person).

    As for the passing on blessings based on ripping, I didn't even pay that part much mind (in regards to the actual ripping being the reason for waiting) I focused more on the idea of me waiting because she wanted to and this fictional she has every right to wait for whatever reason she wants to. Didn't realize in the scenario you laid out we were both waiting because of me and the aversion to farting.

    Hmm, I don't know, I need more info. LOL. I loves me some head, but are we talking stinky farts or just come and goes, cause that would just really kill the mood and might just ruin the experience for me if it was stank. Am i allowed to put a pillow over my face? And how good is she at her oral skills? If the answers are right I'll take the pillow for $200, Alex. #DailyDouble LOL

  • thedrumlife

    @NakedWithSocks I was 12 when I found out that women did No.2...it blew my mind LOL

  • Joolz68

    OK, you're sounding MORE human now (knew he wasn't turning down head! lol).

    1> Sometimes they're stinky (when she eats certain foods), sometimes not. Sometimes they don't happen at all.

    2> You can use a pillow (also for quieting the moans of pleasure).

    3> Good enough for you to keep coming back.

    So you have to ask yourself: 'Do I feel lucky?'

    PS: I LOVE THIS BLOG OF YOURS (1st time posting)!

  • blackloverules

    As a human woman I guess the only thing I would say is that if a woman wants to do these things in front of her guy just understand that there may be a negative consequences. Even though Ans says "don't do this in front of him" maybe the title should be "do it at your own peril." Guys are just being honest with us. Yeah, it is stupid b/c they fart and we get over it, but they're guys and to be honest part immature and part visual. They really have a thing with their women being above the fray of humanity. There's a big push in childbirth counseling not to let the guy see the baby actually come out either b/c then they "maternalize" our vaginas...therefore having future difficulty seeing it as the place for sexual pleasure. And that's when we're having THEIR baby. Ladies, they are who they are...be thankful for the insight and if you find a guy who doesn't mind then you're all good...but if you don't and you drive away a guy you're feeling 'cause you "lifted your leg on the couch..." it's on you (however, since Ans wasn't really feeling her it wouldn't have taken much to drive him away in that situation). As women, sometimes we need to listen more and battle less...yeah, controversial stance I know.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    This further proves my theory that women don't like to handle the truth...
    fighting tooth and nail over the PREFERENCE of some men.....

    I know it's a shock
    but some men like our women to act like ladys

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    "first time posting" Feel like we at AA LOL

    Appreciate the support.

  • Joolz68

    WE are not fighting tooth and nail over his preference.

    WE are being 'lady-like' by responding to his request to 'speak your piece'. This IS a blog after all.

    WE are not saying he CAN'T have a preference. WE are not saying this list stands for ALL MEN.

    WE ARE asking why THOSE particular traits, when we humans share them. It would be different if it was something SPECIFIC to females that CAN be avoided (i.e. leaving used sanitary items in bathroom trash).

  • AConleyCreation

    Thanks! It is from a painting of mine; you can check out more at my website.

    My bad... I had to read your initial blog again. For myself, it's a matter of not sharing every little thing when you're in a relationship. Not only is it good that each person have their own space/me-time, but also grooming and body stuff.

    I will never pee with the door open because I have a weirdness about it, but also because when you share so much like that, I think it takes away from the romance.

    Yes, everyone poops, but do we need to be reminded of it? I have done the deed at my dude's house or when out because it had to be done... but I didn't come out exclaiming it.

    And a courtesy flush with some spray should ALWAYS be done, no matter whose restroom it is.

  • http://www.AConleyCreation.com AConleyCreation
  • http://Www.mysixcents.wordpress.com K. LySha

    Women can't handle the truth but we're reading a list from someone who would rather believe women don't have bodily functions?

    I'm all for politeness in the early stages. But if we're 5 months in and I drank a soda I'd hope my man wouldn't consider me uncouth if a burp slipped out.
    (if he does I'm heading for the hills)

    I understand this post is not about married folks or even people in long term relationships. But losing the lady label for things that all humans do seems extreme.

  • http://Www.mysixcents.wordpress.com K. LySha

    Life is gross...get over it. Women deal with regular old bodily functions plus an array of gross female issues most of our lives. But we have to protect men from our humanness too?

  • http://nwso.net/ NWSO

    If you're all for politeness in the early stages then we're on the same page with the intended sentiment of this post, the interpetation is a whole other ball game.

    Hmm, I don't drink soda or beer, maybe that's why I can't burp. I would drink beer and just feel full so i stopped.

    Oh, and the non-bodily functions is a fallacy that many men tell each other in our teens days (which was when that thought was a "reality" for me, although we KNOW it's a lie we can dream).

  • B!

    Damn this has been a bad weekend for us ladies. http://www.bellanaija.com/2011/03/11/wanted-some-domesticity-please/

  • Joolz68

    I can appreciate that men want us to be the best self that we can be.

    With that said: I looked up the meaning of LADY:
    a woman of refinement
    a woman of superior social position

    I looked up the meaning of REFINEMENT:
    having or showing well-bred feeling, taste, etc.
    free from vulgarity

    I looked up the meaning of VULGARITY:
    indecent; obscene; lewd

    So a 'LADY' is a female that has a superior social position, is well-bred, and is free from (not connected to) anything lewd or indecent.

    As a Black woman, I don't have the luxury of a superior position. I'm placed under other races, and under men. I guess 'well-bred' is a relative term. What I feel may be good breeding, may be different from others. As far as being 'free from anything lewd': pre-marital sex knocks that one out.

    You don't want a LADY. You want someone with good manners. So do WE.

  • Joolz68

    That 'full' feeling is a burp just waiting to come out, if you would just open your mouth. LOL jk

  • YeYo

    Yes, it would be helpful if he had a big dick and knew how to use it thats my #1.LOL

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Now JC a man can not help his height
    he could literally be everything plus some of what you want...would u fault him for being short....
    He can't help that
    but you cover your mouth or light an incense

  • God’s Gift aka Shay from LA

    Wow! I do all with the exception of smoke. As a matter of fact, I burped as I typed this.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    No you don't but I'm pretty sure if you participated in a 20 man gangbang junior year of college you would wait awhile to work that in the relationship...
    We just want you to ease us into your humanness...I don't scratch my nuts on purpose the first 6 months ...u don't "forget" to febreze my bathroom after dropping a deuce...SIMPLE

  • Samantha

    So u can do this crap but we can't? really? so i'm not human and i don't have the same body functions as u? men that think like this are so immature. if u can't handle this stuff wait until a women has ur child...going through birthing process is alot more disgusting to look at then this stuff.

  • Samantha

    With all the crap we have to go through during pregnancy and labor if a man can't stand there in the room with me and be an actual man then it is on me 'cause obviously I made a huge mistake.

  • Apalled

    Seriously? This such an immature blog post. I remember dudes from high school, a bunch of 15 year olds, having ridiculous demands like no farting or burping. Come on, grow up! (And if you even have to make a list like this to give to the women you have just started dating, perhaps YOU have a bad judgement of character. Who is going to go on a first date (or second or third), prop her leg up and let one rip? This is basic etiquette that goes both ways. Come on dude, you're just being silly, now)

  • Joolz68

    See? You just nasty!

    If I say, "excuse me", can I get my title 'Lady' back?
    **burp** PARDON!

  • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

    i thought it was just me...*shrug*

    i got the point of the post, i guess others didnt.

    Dearest Fairest Maidens, if it pleasest thou, please to fart in public on thou's firstest date. Prithee, don't hold back bodily functions, verily as thou let 'err rip at work, i beeseech thee to let err rip in front of thou man that thou doest taketh an interest in

    • Rnc

      On my parents first date, my father made my now-stepmother laugh so hard that she farted. A romance blossomed and they have been married for almost 17 years now. They still talk about that first date and laugh. If you are capable of being a realistic human and appreciating a lady for everything that makes her herself (the good, the bad and especially the ugly) instead of someone working hard to be some fantasy vision of "beauty" and poise, you will find someone worth spending your time with.

  • R.e.D

    I'm usually never offended by NWSO's posts. I love them, but sometimes I have to respectfully disagree with him. You Chanee, just wow! I have wayy too much to say to you about this but I will guard my words for fear of being found disrespectful. But let me just say that being single has nothing to do with any of the above things. Thank God you've found your soulmate-b/c I don't know what that is. Not b/c I've never been in love,but simply b/c I don't buy into the nonsense of there being only 1 man on God's earth for me. What I find puzzling is that you've been with a man for not one, but TWO years and you use the 'other' bathroom when you have bowel movements? And you are 'embarrased' to fart?? You sound so pretentious as if you have to list all who you are and what you have and what you do. And what the hell is 'landing' the man of your dreams??? And you think male bloggers like NWSO can help you do this?? This is sad if you actually feel this way.

  • R.e.D

    @SPinster::LOL, clearly we do!

  • R.e.D

    AHH Quoteman, I love it!!

  • http://melhopkins.info melhopkins2012

    Well since this post is titled "5 and a half things a LADY should never do", I agree. There are a few characteristics ascribed to a "Lady" I think you nailed a few.

    Now if you wrote a WOMAN which how I identify myself I may have a problem. But the again probably not because if you exchange man for woman; Lady for Knight (or gentleman) passing of bodily gases, fluids, waste are usually unwelcome anyway. And I don't like men to smoke either it makes them look too effeminate.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Schiffon Schiffon

    As a man or a woman it is poor etiquette to be in a public setting and engage in these behaviors. As long as you have the capacity to engage in these behaviors privately, it is always good manners to do so. This list is targeted to those on the dating scene. Ladies, take comfort, most loving husbands aren't fazed by normal bodily functions.

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Because those traits are a cousin to nasty...
    Human brings kill rape and torture ..I'm sure YALL know not to do that right??

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Untill u grow a penis and testicles how about we don't say what being a man is...alright

  • http://preachthetruthteller.blogspot.com/ Preachthetruthteller

    Women are really fighting for the right to fart....

  • da ThRONe

    She sure does a lot. :D

  • thethrill

    I read the post several times and didn't see where Ans wrote, females shouldn't pass gas or have bowel movement. The tone was to keep those bodily functions discreet to maintain the sexy LADY image that a man (in this case/post, Ans) will have of a woman. And, I think (personal opinion), he hit the nail on the head. You are taught male (gentleman) and female (ladylike) behavior when you're younger and as you grow, you associate or disassociate those behaviors to their respective gender. Funny how females have the authority on what "real" men are, do & should do but the moment a male suggests some ish a lady should(n't) do then it's a call to arms for the feminist movement. #kioNOW

  • Joolz68

    The biggest problem I see on this post is that the males are inter-changing the words 'woman' and 'lady'. All ladies are female, but not all females are ladies. Same as men being gentlemen.

    That being said:
    If she STARTED out as a lady, she probably wouldn't do the things on this list anyway: so it's a non-factor (new word from Basketball Wives... but I digress). She also DOES NOT have pre-marital sex (of ANY kind)- that would be LEWD BEHAVIOR. She also DOES NOT cook, clean, etc- that would be beneath her SUPERIOR SOCIAL POSITION. She DOES have good manners- will say 'thank you' when you hire the chef, housekeeper and nanny. And won't nag when you come home late 'from work'. I WANT TO BE A GOLD-DIGGER...er...um...I mean LADY!

    I may not be a Lady, but I'm all woman. I keep a clean house. I cook. I pleasure my man when he wants. I pick up the slack when bills are tight (meaning I put in MORE than my usual half).

    In 1980s: my grandma said I should be a lady at all times.

    In 1990s: my Moms said I should be a lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets.

    In 2000s: my brother said I should be a woman and do me.

    In 2010s: I should go back to my Grandma's advice.

  • Stanley.B

    I'd wager that those who find these requests for BASIC courtesies offensive are RATS anyway.

  • NinaG

    According to this list, I'm a non-smoking not-lady. I'm okay w/ that.

    If I have to spit, I have to spit but I do hate seeing other people do it.

    As far as #2, I think its possible to look at ass in a sexual way and remembering that there is a biological process associated w/ it. I was once complimented on my ass by a dude on the street - he told me that I could shit on him any day...
    But forreal, I have to feel comfortable w/ a person before I take a dump in their place. Regardless if we're dating.
    And I've heard guys say they didn't know that women take dumps. That shit is funny to me.

  • torontostaar

    so basically women arent supposed to be human? cant poop #getouttahereson

  • http://robyninrealtime.tumblr.com rw

    disappointed you didnt address the head scarf, i'd rather wake up looking like a james brown shot then have him see me looking like celie

  • liza

    Saying that burping,fartin and Number 2`s make women human is bollocks.

    The writer did not say "You aren t allowed to do that".He just pointed ut that if you behave in such manners you get somebody who behaves in the same way.

    I m a woman and I agree with the writer.
    There are things which the partner doesn t has to be informed about in order to maintain e.g. intimacy.

    And I know enough women who have all these demands like he should look good,have good manners,should have money,be intelligent,funny,honest,faithfull,hard -working,know how to satisfy her etc.etc. .
    But only a few women are realistic about what they kinda can demand.

    If you want a man with good manners you must have them yourself.
    Burping and farting in front of him are certainly not good manners and if you have to ,you do it in a way that he doesn t notice (he isn t in the same room and if you can step out if you need to).

    Just because I have stomach problems doesn t mean he has to suffer.And my man will certainly not be attending the child`s birth.
    Because my bodily functions do NOT represent me.

    A guy who burps or farts in front of me without feeling a little be ashamed or "I m sorry" is no boyfriend - material.It s also kinda respectless.
    In a long-term reationship it s even worse because a lot of people seem to confuse "feeling safe/good around each other" with "I don t care".

    It s the same with couples who go together on the toilet,one brushes the teeth and the other tinkles.I think every relationship deserves privacy.It may work for some but I think it s also a good turn-off.
    You may share a lot as a couple but that does not mean that your partner needs to know what you do in the bathroom or your farts and burps.

  • Just sayin

    men poop and women poop...Men spit...women spit...Men fart...women fart...We are ALL humans...and i think this post is sexist.
    Things woman are not suppose to DO in front of a man?
    Ha! get out of here. Come on now. Lady like or no lady like(w/e that suppose to mean). We are humans we do these things. Its part of life. Get over it. (Passes gas and walks away)

  • HuyTU

     A list like this is pointless if it isn't mirrored with a similar set of expectations for men.
    Don't demand others adhere to a set of rules that you are incapable of adhering to yourself. ('do unto others', etc). Manners must be universally applied to be morally consistant, or they're worthless.
    As a man reading this, I have nothing but contempt for you. Such double standards are loathsomely idealistic, petty, and a frankly deranged.
    Your girl goes into the bathroom for longer than a minute... and you start obsessing about her anus excreting. What do you do then - bang on the bathroom door, yell at her to hold it as proof she loves you, offer her a cork? & then, after she exits, she has to indulge your pathetic little fantasy by pretending she was doing her make-up?
    That's not normal, or healthy. You need to see a psychiatrist.
    “
    just let us men folk believe the reason you're in the bathroom so long
    is because you're doing your makeup. Remember, the Febreeze is under the
    sink and the courtesy flush is appreciated.”Read more about Things Women Do That Turn Men Off | Naked With Socks On on:http://nwso.net/2011/03/13/5-and-a-half-things-a-lady-should-never-do/?utm_source=INK&utm_medium=copy&utm_campaign=share&

    • Anonymous

      LOL

      It's funny how so many took this as a steadfast list of unwavering rules. We're all adults and know about bodily functions across the board and sexes, BUT there is such a thing as manners and sexiness, which is what separates a "lady" from just any other person. Just as not every man is a gentleman.

      Like I noted in earlier comments I myself don't do many of the above unless in the confines of a long-term and committed relationship so why can't i expect the same manners in return to the women I'm seeing? Is a farting, burping, dingleberry booty woman really sound like an attractive partner? Same goes for the men.

      The point is to have some decorum and the key word throughout was a "lady" so if we're not talking about a lady then the list don't even apply to the woman in question.

      Thanks for your input and feedback

    • Anonymous

      LOL

      It's funny how so many took this as a steadfast list of unwavering rules. We're all adults and know about bodily functions across the board and sexes, BUT there is such a thing as manners and sexiness, which is what separates a "lady" from just any other person. Just as not every man is a gentleman.

      Like I noted in earlier comments I myself don't do many of the above unless in the confines of a long-term and committed relationship so why can't i expect the same manners in return to the women I'm seeing? Is a farting, burping, dingleberry booty woman really sound like an attractive partner? Same goes for the men.

      The point is to have some decorum and the key word throughout was a "lady" so if we're not talking about a lady then the list don't even apply to the woman in question.

      Thanks for your input and feedback

    • Anonymous

      LOL

      It's funny how so many took this as a steadfast list of unwavering rules. We're all adults and know about bodily functions across the board and sexes, BUT there is such a thing as manners and sexiness, which is what separates a "lady" from just any other person. Just as not every man is a gentleman.

      Like I noted in earlier comments I myself don't do many of the above unless in the confines of a long-term and committed relationship so why can't i expect the same manners in return to the women I'm seeing? Is a farting, burping, dingleberry booty woman really sound like an attractive partner? Same goes for the men.

      The point is to have some decorum and the key word throughout was a "lady" so if we're not talking about a lady then the list don't even apply to the woman in question.

      Thanks for your input and feedback

    • Anonymous

      LOL

      It's funny how so many took this as a steadfast list of unwavering rules. We're all adults and know about bodily functions across the board and sexes, BUT there is such a thing as manners and sexiness, which is what separates a "lady" from just any other person. Just as not every man is a gentleman.

      Like I noted in earlier comments I myself don't do many of the above unless in the confines of a long-term and committed relationship so why can't i expect the same manners in return to the women I'm seeing? Is a farting, burping, dingleberry booty woman really sound like an attractive partner? Same goes for the men.

      The point is to have some decorum and the key word throughout was a "lady" so if we're not talking about a lady then the list don't even apply to the woman in question.

      Thanks for your input and feedback

  • james barclay

    Ladies and Gentlemen, Here is how it is.  There are things that turn off each of us.  I prefer the ones that are just plain filthy like spitting in the open which in most places is against the law for health and public safety reasons.  We can't help with all farting and burping because eating causes us to swallow air or ascid/base reactions in the stomach causes the formation of CO2, and the fact that humans cannot digest fibrous products causes putrification and the manufacture of nitrogenous wastes.  blowing one's nose at the dinner table is as distasteful as it is unnecessary.  Scratching the butt or pulling out a wedgy in public are both impolite, though turning one's back to hide the necessity and action are quick and acceptable solutions.  Uncleanliness is universally wrong unless it is unavoidable.  Some folks have a disorder than causes them to smell of rotten fish and some have intractable halitosis (now treatable).  However, the majority of natural functions cannot be faulted.  Men, if you want a lady who doesn't go No.2 or burp, get a manikin or a blow-up doll.  One of the universally disliked things among women is misogyny or sexual bigotry.  The next may be condescension.  No one likes jerks.

  • james barclay

    Ladies and Gentlemen, Here is how it is.  There are things that turn off each of us.  I prefer the ones that are just plain filthy like spitting in the open which in most places is against the law for health and public safety reasons.  We can't help with all farting and burping because eating causes us to swallow air or ascid/base reactions in the stomach causes the formation of CO2, and the fact that humans cannot digest fibrous products causes putrification and the manufacture of nitrogenous wastes.  blowing one's nose at the dinner table is as distasteful as it is unnecessary.  Scratching the butt or pulling out a wedgy in public are both impolite, though turning one's back to hide the necessity and action are quick and acceptable solutions.  Uncleanliness is universally wrong unless it is unavoidable.  Some folks have a disorder than causes them to smell of rotten fish and some have intractable halitosis (now treatable).  However, the majority of natural functions cannot be faulted.  Men, if you want a lady who doesn't go No.2 or burp, get a manikin or a blow-up doll.  One of the universally disliked things among women is misogyny or sexual bigotry.  The next may be condescension.  No one likes jerks.

  • Rhea

    I pity the women in ur life NWSO.. U are quite a douche bag... 

    • Anonymous

      Thanks. I'll relay your concern to my wife :)

  • A Real Woman

    You mean all I have to do to make sure you never have sex with me is function like a human being with a real live human body instead of your tidy, odorless, demure little fuckdoll?  What a relief!

  • Freewoman

    You are a horribly archaic person. Fuck this list.

  • RNCC

    You know it's kind of funny that I stumbled upon this article at the same time I stumbled upon another that was addressing  women and "being nice".

    "This is all bound up with gendered expectations of behaviour. Women are
    socialised to put up and shut up to a much greater degree than men, so
    when people tell women off for not being nice, what they often mean is
    that we’re not being feminine. An intrinsic part of femininity
    is behaving in ways that are pleasing to men, and this becomes so
    normalised that some men think that they’re entitled to demand certain
    types of behaviour from women. Think of those guys who pass women in the
    street and tell them to smile – it’s a similar thing; we’re not here to
    be awkward, we’re supposed to make the world more pleasant with our
    presence."

  • Weruletheworld

    You are a F$&@ing IDIOT!!! You preaching discrimination against women. I'm sure ur ugly who only looks at women in the Internet.. All that thing about u being with women is pure fantasy... Hahaha!! What a LOSER!!!!

  • edster

    This guy is out of his mind. no wonder men and women don't understand each other. He wants them to put an a show for him and doesn't really want know that they are his equals, What, you can fart, poop and spit but they can't. Get a life man!!!

  • L

    You don't and will never love a woman if you continue treating them like they're not even human. You're also an uptight, insecure man who has something to prove. For goodness sake, "I don't know how to burp, so stop showing off?" Like hell you don't know how to burp.

  • Anonymous

    Frankly, I think those things are rude and disgusting, no matter who does them in public. Get the drift?

  • realman619

    this is complete bullshit, the "man" who wrote this is a punk bitch

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100005700996759 Tatiana Severo

    Marry a doll! They are portable and washable as well! =)

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