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Who Cares About Your Breakup? (The Art of Getting Over It)

Posted by NWSO • April 3, 2011 • Printer-friendly

WORDS BY PREACH THE TRUTH TELLER

Get over it! That is my new theory on life and all things concerning it. I know we all have a past and the past shapes us, but for the love of all that’s holy some of y’all really need to man up (or woman up). Grow a pair and let it go. Only in this day and age are people such big whiners.

Now I’m not saying that we shouldn’t recognize how the past made us who we are. No, what I’m saying is that if you’re not actively moving forward in your life you’re just wasting it. One of the worst things to see is a person carrying around baggage from yesteryear. Always bringing up a past mistake or wishing they treated an ex better. Next time you want to whine about how your life sucks try telling that to a cancer patient. The only thing you control in life is YOU.

What happens to you was set in motion long before you got here. Look I had things happen to me when I was younger. I was cast down from my princely throne in Asgard… No, wait, that was Thor. Okay, see when I was a baby this guy broke into my family’s home to kill me due to some legend about… No, that was Harry Potter. You know what; it doesn’t matter. The point is everybody has freakin’ issues in their life. At some point you cry a river, build a bridge and, you, you guessed it, you get over it. With that being said here are some foolproof methods for picking up the pieces…

1. JUST SHUT UP & DEAL

This is first on the list because we all know the power of life or death is in the tongue. Most religions or faiths recognize that you speak things into existence. If you’re always complaining about how there’s no good men or women, well, surprise, surprise… You won’t find them. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If you’re going to speak something into existence speak joy, peace, prosperity. Even typing those words makes my heart feels a bit better. Nobody wants to be around the negative person who is just a sack of sadness and misery.

2. JAPAN & HAITI > YOUR EX

With everything going on in the world there’s always somebody suffering more than you. So take your selfish behind down to the homeless shelter and assist people who would love to have your issues. People are suffering and dying all over the world. Not saying you being on a performance improvement plan is not important but seriously; is that it? How often do we look back on stuff that worried us and wonder why we let that stress us out. The real concerns in life tend to blindside you. Those are the things you remember 10,15 years later. Getting over a heartbreak is all about putting things into perspective.

3. REALIZE YOUR WORLD IS NOT OVER, JUST YOUR RELATIONSHIP

A teacher gave me a book called The Four Agreements. In it one law says that conflict occurs when one person’s world does not recognize another’s. Look, in a perfect world everyone would walk pigeon-toed on eggshells around you because of your break up, but sorry, that’s not going to happen. If you want to be held and coddled like a child don’t ask me. I’m not one for treating a functional adult like they’re 11. Don’t be a Dante from Clerks.

Now, please don’t take my tone as clowning or being an ass. I honestly want to see people do well and be the best they can be. I just much prefer that they keep their whining to themselves because, really, who wants to hear it? Either get better or get worse—there really isn’t a third option. And if there is please, by all means, realize most of us don’t care one bit. So if you don’t like it go on the Internet and complain about it…

PEACE!!!!!

Are you the type to harp over a breakup or are you able to get over it easily? How much have you learned from your past relationships? Do you regret any of your breakups? Have you ever consoled someone through a bad breakup? Was it a long drawn out process? Do you believe that what people put out there energy wise is what they get back? Does your worse breakup really compare to other people’s tragedies? What’s the best way(s) you’ve found to get over someone who’s broken your heart? What did you think of Preach’s philosophy?

Speak your piece...

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Tagged as: breakup, comedian, love, preach the truth teller

Akynos

meh at this one. first of all no matter how much you want good shit to be, if you don't play shit right it AIN'T gonna happen. or if it wasn't meant to be, IT JUST AIN'T GONNA BE. so good luck with thinking things into existence. it definitely is a religious thinking. like god is gonna make shit good. NO BITCH. you make shit good.

And who gives a fuck if someone else's situation is worse. MY SHIT IS BAD RIGHT NOW AND THAT'S WHAT I CARE ABOUT. i hate when ppl belittle my shit with mindless statements like that. if u can't come up with something profound or helpful to say, then kindly stfu with your brain fart comments.
Stanley

JUST SHUT UP AND DEAL
People should talk about what hurts them to be able to move on. They shouldn't complain too much, but they've got to talk it to learn from it.
Don't talk too much, yes! Don't talk, no! You have to talk it over to move on because everybody needs closure.
http://www.AConleyCreation.com AConleyCreation

I try not to perceive one person's troubles as any more or less negative/tough/tragic than mine, because it's all relative. We shouldn't trivialize someone else's problems. To them they are very real. Perception = reality.

Plus, we should consider that we all have different chemistries. While a break-up may be seemingly easy for one to get over, someone with something like depression may have a tougher time.

#1 though, is really true...if you believe it (again, perception = reality). You quoted one of Newton's Laws, I also quote the Law of Attraction. Like energy attracts like energy. Time after time, I see people getting in and out of bad relationships, because their beliefs create their reality.
http://www.AConleyCreation.com AConleyCreation

#4: FIND THE PATTERN
If you continually end up with mates that cheat, lie, steal, cannot commit, etc., the common denominator is YOU. Focus on how YOU can break the cycle.
paulette_bajan_gal

This one is a double edged sword...especially if you have a kid with that person.Yeah you get over it but you still have to deal with his cheating, lying ass as you make decisions for the child you made together.And guess what...he didn't stop lying because we broke up.It really is relative to the situation.This sounds like that EASY button in the Staples commercial..but we all know commercials are fiction.

Like others said...you have to respect someone's way of dealing with their own ish.Some of us let certain relationships go in a NY minute and others are a bit tougher based on the situation.I def let go of the failed relationship with my ex-husband but we have a kid together so it's not that easy to say goodbye and bounce.He's still around...I still gotta see his trifling rass.It's a challenge at times.
Preachthetruthteller

I agree it's a double edged sword.. but I was inspired by a co-worker who couldn't stop talking about a break up that happen 3 years ago...no kids involved ...just them...
http://www.AConleyCreation.com AConleyCreation

A friend of mine is still grieving over the loss of a boyfriend killed in an acciden and it happened 15 years ago. They talked marriage but they were young, so who's to say it would've lasted or happened... yet she is still mourning the death. To her, this is still a very big deal. I agree she should move on, but it's relative.
Rastaman

I always tell others that pain is life's way of reminding us we are alive. Not because I minimize what they are feeling but because I recognize that in living we are going to have painful experiences. I wonder if you would feel the same if that person was complaining about the pain of a physical trauma or would it be more understandable?

I ask because I think you are minimizing this type pain because you believe in the big scheme of life an individual's emotional pain may be miniscule. But a 2008 UK study concluded that "...social or emotional pain is as real and intense as physical pain."

If you think about it our minds very often help us mask psychological trauma we experience and bury the memories as a way of making us cope. But like physical injuries some of us heal quickly and a 100 percent but some of us never fully recover. Are those people whose knees hurt every time it gets cloudy, crybabies or wimps?

I understand where you are coming from with this view young brotha but just because you do not understand another person's pain it does not make it any less painful. I would tell them suck it up and stuff it too but everyone does not heal at the same rate. So try to show a little understanding. If I understand it you suffer from a mental issue and you would expect some compassion. Just a thought!
MetLifeSnoopy

To tell one to 'get over it' isn't healthy because you are pretty much saying that their feelings aren't valid and that they have no right to feel the way that they do.
MetLifeSnoopy

With everything going on in the world, there’s always somebody suffering more than you.” <—- While this may be true, it doesn't change the fact that someone is facing their own adversity. I find this statement to be very damaging to someone who could be suffering from depression or generally has a hard time having a positive outlook in life.
Naomi

I think we make breakups worse than they need to be. People come and go and that's part of life. Sometimes they leave on good terms and sometimes not so good terms. I think what should be taken from a breakup is the underlying reasons for the breakup. The reasons that we don't truly want to deal with because there couldn't possibly be something wrong with us, it's GOT to be the other person (insert sarcasm here).
I don't feel anyone's feelings should be marginalized because who am I to say how long someone should grieve? But I think there's a positive way to grieve and a negative way to grieve and more often than not, most of us choose the negative. So, instead of looking at a breakup as a loss, look at it as divine intervention, look at the reasons for the breakup and your part in it and then release the other person and yourself and then start doing things that make you happy.
JC

I never did like the "suck it up and deal" or the "other people have it worse."
Each person is different and we all deal with things differently. Some breakups I bounce back quicker, others I need more time to work things out in my head and heart. What I don't need are statements telling me that I am a baby or a whiner for feeling how I feel and that compared to someone having a terminal illness my broken heart is nothing...Those are TWO completely different situations, and shouldn't be grouped together. But if you really want to one can say...death is just a part of life...like getting over a breakup is.

A bit callous...hell yeah...but so is some of what is written in this post...
RUru_sez

I don't think telling people to get over it their problems is bad. Yeah, he cheated. Yeah, you got dumped. That's awful, but years later and you're still going on about it? It still hurts, fine but don't complain all the damn time. Or complain to the right people. Other people have their own problems to think about.
TigerLily

The problem with Preach's philosophy was that he kept on saying "Get over it! Get over it! " but he never gave any advice on how to get over an ex. The issue is I think everyone wants to get over a break up , but no one really knows HOW to do that and they resort to what helps them the most - talking about it.
They don't mean to be annoying , it's just that break ups hurt , especially when friends get involved and everyone knows your story. If I'm pretending that its' all fine and dandy but I cry every night, is that better or worse than the person who talks about it, and in the process of doing so, lets out a little bit of steam?
I think the real thing here is that people like hearing about your problems, but after a while they want you to just shut up and get over it but it doesn't work that way. If we could all get over all our hurt in the blink of an eye, then there would be no hurt.
Lisa

Well said Naomi. Ok, yeah I might be thinking, 'I'm sooooo tired of hearing this' but what comes out of my mouth are questions or statements to try & help that person get to a point where they can move on. I'm the type that doesn't talk about issues & that's probably not a good thing but I like to work them out myself (make my own decisions) & then talk about it....and I know I'm not constantly talking about it because I'm a better listener than talker. Thanks Preach, I agree with a lot of what you posted....I think it but don't usually say it.:)
Danielle

I fully understand what he's saying. We can choose to be wallow in our own misery or we can choose to strive ahead and be happy. I believe I should be ridiculously and epically happy! No one is saying that you're not going to grieve losing your partner about but don't let it consume you. Death, well that's a not break-up. Totally different way of handling that. Can't even compare the two.

And I don't think he means it to belittle someone's feelings but yeah, it could be ALWAYS, ALWAYS be worst. Instead of just breaking up with you, she/he could have given you an STD, cleaned out your bank account, ruined your credit, not let you see you child etc..

So when I look at my problems and not just relationship-wise but financially--just everything--I'm doing pretty aight. I can manage. But I don't like things to keep me down for too long. Eventually I have to put a cork in it so I can float back up to the top of the happy pool. So while my heart used to be broken and I was letting those stumbling blocks in my path keep me stagnated, I knew I had make a change so I went and talked to someone. I made the decision to change my way of thinking. In a normal society-not war torn or oppressed-we have the ability to choose our paths in life and when you go down the wrong road, you have to be dynamic enough to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take what knowledge you can from that experience and keep it moving.
Lisa

Sounds good Danielle.
Danielle

There's not advice to give really. You get over something when you get over it. But there's talking just to talk and then there's reflective talking. You have to choose the health talking. If you have that friend that wants to constantly harp on how dirty that person did you, stop talking to them. You know how dirty they did you, that's why you're not with them now. If they can't bring the positive shut the conversation down. They should have one one maybe two times to tell you I told you so. After that it's just mean and tiresome and frakin depressing. Who needs that?

In every relationship not matter how brief I analyze it. Because whether it was my fault, his fault, it's over and I'm upset about. So I need to understand what happened so I can learn from it and try not to do it again. Not to say that I won't but I try. The more you complain about something because there comes a point where it is no longer talking you're holding on to your misery and have to let it go. And I am in no way saying that it easy, oh my word I am not! Trust me on that. This is has been a rough two years for a sister. I'm finally letting go of disappointments but everyone has a time where they have to decide when they want to start living again.
http://www.AConleyCreation.com AConleyCreation

Sometimes what annoys us about other people is actually a reflection of ourself that we are annoyed with or disapprove.

Actually Preach, I think that for some people the "suck it up" approach works. Some people would rather hear that than be coddled, and some people would be cool with hearing it after they've grieved enough. But since we're all different, we all prefer different approaches. Knowing your audience is key when dispensing advice.
YeYo

Rastaman.. Well said..
Christa

I agree with Preach. Sometimes we magnify our problems when we don't let go. I understand that it's hard to just get over it, but we have to starve the problem. Whatever you feed will grow and live. When you continue to feed into bad situations, you can never let the problem just die.
Matrice

Whats up Ans, I was just wondering what you think about this?? You get several letters asking for advice about what to do about certain situations, so what do you think about his philosophy?? Do you think that people should just shut up and get over it?? Do you wonder why people are writing you asking your advice?? Do you ever want to tell someone to woman up and or grow pair?? I only ask because you have such a popular blog and you seem to deal with a lot of different scenarios from different people.
http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com Tiffany

Exactly, and that is not cool to just tell someone to 'get over it'. When a person has put in time, energy and love into someone they have a right to be hurt and try and figure thins out in their own time and space.
Brina

I think with this piece he was talking more to those that use their issues as an excuse. Lets be real, you do have those that use their past/current experiences as an excuse (whether they are aware of this or not is a separate issue) not to begin the moving on process, not to go after their dreams, or reasons they participate in illegal or deviant behavior. It gets to a point where you have to learn to live with the pain or learn to live while pressing through the pain. I had an emotionally hard childhood and I still live with some of the scars, but instead of wallowing in self-pity I used that experience and let it fuel my journey, and now I'm in the process of turning that experience into a career that will help children that are going through what I went through (I start graduate school in the Fall! Sorry. I'm really excited lol). I couldn't stand there while life pasted me by. I understand that people heal in different ways and at different time intervals, but some people are so stuck on the pity party express that they dont want to move on or they like to play the victim role, I've seen it happen. And in some cases the self-pity starts to become a part of them and it could possibly lead to depression, which is a serious problem on its own. *Not saying all cases of depression happens this way, but it COULD occur.

As far as people talking about their issues to others, I admit it does bug me a little bit. I'm not saying people shouldn't talk about their issues, but I have friends that update their statuses on facebook EVERY TIME they have a problem and it starts to become annoying when its 5+ times a day. Nobody wants to be around the Debbie or Dan Downers all the time or read about it on social sites. I know my way of thinking is different on this issue because I agree with Eminem when he said, "Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders I am never supposed to show it. My crew ain't supposed to know it." I know others dont follow that, and I have to remind myself of that when I find myself annoyed with these posts, but at the sametime I cant help but wonder why most of their statuses are sad or negative. I try to put a *hug* comment on them or say something positive when ever I see them to kinda perk them up a little. However, one of my friends shoots them down like I'm wrong for putting something positive on his status. He always counters with an even more negative response. I eventually had to block him from my news feed.

I only talk to my friends about my problems if its something I cant solve on my own or its something that I really need help with. I just cant go running to them every time I have a bad day. Some things I can handle on my own.
Jacinda

I respect where you're coming from. Not having been in that position, I can only take my husband's perspective on it, and his child's mother's also. My husband and this lady have not been together for three years, yet she still tells him that he ain't s**t as a father, and other hurtful things (I know because I've seen the text messages, and saw how her words hurt him after he read them.) I absolutely agree that you can't give a timetable for healing, but I think that when you start using that to hurt the other person, and use the former bad relationship/children as an excuse, that's stepping over a line. So, I think letting go of the relationship goes both ways. Just a different perspective.
QuoteMan

Well said, I’m in total agreement with you. Some folks make life more difficult than it should be. We’ve all had some past issues – sometimes thru no fault of our own - but what purpose does it serve dwelling on it for months on end. Life is too short for that ………………. Much like Hov said,

“Time waits for no man, can't turn back the hands once it's too late, gotta learn to live with regrets (disappointment, setbacks”

Life goes on.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Well, depending on the individual situation I agree with part of Preach's message. However, I don't necessarily agree with the tone or sweeping resolution. There are people who harp on issues forever (myself included) and for someone tired of hearing it or looking to have a good time with their friend it may get to a point where you feel just get over it already. But I agree with what others have said there's no real time table for getting over someone. There are a whole lot of factors that go along with that resolution, like how long y'all were together, how and why y'all broke up, how long ago the breakup was, along with a host of other variables. But at the end of the day (for some) heartbreak is a minor disturbance compared to the troubles of others in worse situations.
CK

I think a lot of people are missing the point of what Preach was trying to say. I don't think he was intending to be callous or cold toward people's feelings. I think he was trying to call out the fact that people need to own their feelings and issues and begin moving toward positivity. Instead of using your feelings as an excuse to blame the other person or to never commit or to never conquer your fears and let other people in or any of that other stuff, you should work through your feelings - thereby getting over it and moving on.

No person and no situation is ever stagnant. Either you're getting better or you're getting worse, but you don't stay the same. If you're not moving forward and trying to become healthier and more positive, then you're just becoming this bitter, unhealthy person who nobody wants to deal with. I really think that was the message Preach was trying to convey here.
wow

you are ignorant
JC

I understand that his post might be directed at those that harp on a breakup and wallow in the misery of it all...but if this is his attitude with someone that for whatever reason hasn't gotten over a breakup (in whatever amount of time Preach deems fit and also in a way Preach deems fit) what is his attitude with someone that is in the first fragile days/weeks of a breakup. Is Preach still saying get over it from the get? Where are the words of advice? Are there words of advice on how to more forward?
Miss Conception

You know, these self-improvement articles like these are nice to read everyone once in a while, but I wonder when we are going to speak about something else that matters? You know, a good self-improvement article that is worth reading is how to be a good teacher to your students that are in a school that have many delinquents or constant trouble makers, or how to help your child in school in which the teachers say your child needs to be placed in special education classes due to behavioral issues, or how to get involved in your community. I know this site is for relationships, but how many times can you say the same thing but word it in a different manner? Why don't look outside the box for a second and realize that although you may not be in a relationship, if you have kids they aren't going to know how to be in one either, especially if you are spending most of your time looking for a relationship instead of their academic reports or who they become friends with. I have seen many horror stories because of a single parent always looking for someone, what do you think the child did? You want real advice? No one wants to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't have themselves together. And you shouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have himself/herself together. And even if they do, but say they don't want one right now, that is your cue to run. Don't settle for less, and don't think change is coming for that person. Don't let them change you either. So, with that being said, where are the real topics?
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Sounds like a guest post to me *hint, hint**

I'm not a parent or involved with the education system so those specific topics don't cross my path in my daily travels and I generally need inspiration to write. Sounds like you're in that field or are passionate about the topic so you're more than welcome to submit such topics for submission my in box is always open (sometimes too open LOL).