Should I Tell My BFF His Girl is Cheating? (Tues. w/Tee Tee)

0 Posted by - April 12, 2011 - Entertainment & Celebrities, Tuesdays With Tee Tee

In case you missed last week’s announcement, for the next few weeks actor Barry Floyd (aka Tee Tee from BET’s The Game) will be dishing out relationship advice on Naked With Socks On in a new series called, Tuesdays With Tee Tee. CLICK HERE to peep his first entry on interracial dating and now on to this week’s

Dear Tee Tee,

I just found out that my best friend’s girl is cheating on him with someone I know. The other guy is someone I know from work and he doesn’t even know my best friend. We were just talking during lunch one day and he was bragging about this girl he bagged at the club a few weeks back. When he showed me a picture of her on his phone that’s when I realized it was my boy’s girl. I was ready to tell my man but my co-worker was like I should just mind my business and stay out of it. I feel stuck because I feel like I owe it to my best friend to tell him but I don’t want to snitch on my homeboy from work. What should I do?

Dear Stuck in the Middle,

If that’s your best friend you got to say something. You don’t necessarily have to rat out the other dude but you got to at least give your best friend a heads up about the chick.
Like, “I can’t tell you who she’s cheating with but I know she’s doing some dirt and I think you should know.”

If it was reversed and I was the dude that got cheated on I would want to know and if I found out later that other people knew about it and they didn’t tell me I would be more upset with that then them not telling me at all. So I say tell him just keep your co-worker’s name out of it. Again, just because I’m telling you the girl is doing dirt I don’t have to tell you who she’s doing it with.

Good luck,

Barry Floyd aka Tee Tee
@Barry_Floyd
PurpleStuffTV.com

What would you do if you found out your best friend’s partner was cheating on them? Would you tell right away or mind your business? Would it make a difference if you also knew the person they were cheating with? Would you want your friends to tell you if they knew your partner was cheating? Would you be more hurt if you knew people close to you knew your partner was cheating and didn’t tell you? Does the co-worker have a right to feel betrayed if the letter writer tells his friend? Would you have a different view on this scenario if it was just an acquaintance and not a best friend that was being cheated on? What did you think of Barry’s advice this week?

Speak your piece…

 

  • sunshyne84

    I was in this situation when a guy I was talking to was trying to get with my friend. I was more upset with her for keeping it from me for so long because she shoulda had my back. Guys come and go. I don’t see the big deal with him telling his friend who it was with though because they don’t know each other anyway.

  • http://www.AConleyCreation.com AConleyCreation

    I bet that women deal with this issue A LOT differently than men… meaning if I were to tell a friend her dude was cheating, there’s a big chance she’d get pissed at me.

    BUT…I think it’s our moral responsibility to each other. If you know for sure you should definitely tell them. It may not work in favor of your friendship… but then, what kind of friend are they if they choose their mate over you? Even if it puts a rift in the friendship, at least you know you did the right thing.

  • RUru_sez

    I would definitely, definitely want to be told. I would also tell my friend if she was being cheated on. I hate being made a fool of and I wouldn’t sit by while my friend or family is being made a fool of.
    As for acquaintances, I wouldn’t feel comfortable walking up to someone I barely know with something that personal. Ever hear of shooting the messenger?

  • JC

    I’m a bit confused was it the co worker that was with the girl that cheated said stay out of it or was it a different co worker…
    Anywho, I would tell my friend. My loyalties would lie with my friend. Thank goodness I don’t work with people that feel the need to get all personal (whole other topic)

  • http://nwso.net nwso

    Only one co-worker basically trying to cover his tracks.

  • NaeSoBitchie

    First off you have no loyalty to dude at work bcuz he’s ya co-worker NOT ya best friend, 2ndly u dead wrong for not letting ya best friend know his girl is living a trife life, you just as wrong as her.

    If I knew my best friend man was cheating I would definitely bring it to her attention bcuz that’s my girl and I wouldn’t wanna see her hurt

  • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

    Somehow or another, if this were me in the situation, I’d convey the issue to the person – whether in an overt or covert manner. (I’d likely do it in an overt manner, just come out and say it.)

    This happened to me a very long time ago. My best friend (at the time) was with this older man and he tried to talk to me. She & I talked every day, so she asked how my day was. I told her about this guy & mentioned his nickname. She asked me to describe him and when I did, she told me who it was. I felt bad & apologized, but she believed me (thank goodness) & confronted him. I can’t remember what happened with them after that though.

    I was also on the other end of the spectrum, where an ex stopped calling for no reason and we broke up soon after. My so-called friend knew what was up but didn’t say anything until afterwards. I was furious and, because of that and some other things, am no longer friends with that jackass. If that ever happened to me again, I’d want to be told. (Some proof to back it up would be a nice bonus.)

    This blog entry by a Twitter acquaintance sums up my sentiments about this pretty well. >> http://carolynedgar.wordpress.com/2011/03/07/a-friends-pain/

  • Preachthetruthteller

    My best friend would tell me
    And I would tell my best friend after clockin the dude she creepin with in the jaw
    But that’s just how we roll

  • thethrill

    This isn’t even a question in my circle of trust. I’m calling my guy ASAP, and hopefully he makes it to my job by 5p so he can see the pics too. Real recognize real so my co-worker shouldn’t feel any type of way.

  • LadyLovely

    I would most definetly tell my best friend. Just as how I would like her to tell me my man was cheating on me if she knew. Why? Because that’s what a good friend is supposed to do and yeah she didn’t have to tell me with whom but a warning would suffice.

  • Rastaman

    An assumption being made is that the couple is in a monogmaus relationship. Not a wrong assumption but one that may not necessarily be true. Many moons ago my parents gave me some sage advice about other folks relationships: You are never privy to what goes on between a couple. So unless you know for certain that these 2 people are involved in a monogamus relationship then you may be putting your nose in where it is not warranted.

    There are a lot of regular looking folks who have open relationships. So my advice is to always mind my own business unless I know otherwise.

  • Nik

    I would tell my best friend of 25 years and only her!! As a true friend (I feel like one of the last Mohicans), I would want to look out for all of them, but sometimes you just can’t. Often times our friends will surprise us–am I telling my bestie so that they would know? Or so they would break up with the filandering “significant” other? What if they don’t and decide to forgive? Were you a friend that stuck their neck out for them, or were you just sticking your nose in their business?

    When I told a friend that her man was caught literally red handed with his ass on some shorty in a lounge (being all scandalous), she informed me that he “told her about it and it wasn’t what people thought”…(and a host of other kinds of excuses that I stopped listening to). After that, I STILL see dude out living foul and I say nothing. She likes this drama, she can stay in it.

    All I’m saying is really know your bestie. If they are people that love and trust you, AND YOU KNOW THIS, tell them!! If they are people who really don’t take news really well, either confront the “significant” for them to come clean, or be ready with the box iof tissues when sh** does hit the fan and everything is said and done.

  • Shequita

    My Sister had an unfortunate weekend that put her in a cell with my “step daddys” ex girlfriend. My “step daddys” ex girlfriend proceeded to tell my sister all sorts of juicy details of how my “step daddy” was being unfaithful to my mother. My sister then told my mother and my mother was embarassed and furious with…..MY SISTER….for telling her.
    My mom is still with the bum and is likely to never get rid of him. After seeing all this play out, Id keep my mouth shut. Cheaters almost always get caught. I dont have to be the one to spill the beans. Sometimes people are more embarassed by their friend or family knowing they have a lousy partner, I actually think that hurt my mom more…She’s obviously content with garbage so who am I to rock the boat? Unless I had some pictures or solid proof.

  • da ThRONel

    For me it comes down to the people and my relationship to them. If it’s my bestfriend my loyalties lie with him so I’m putting him up on everything I know. No real man will approach some strange dude about getting at his girl. Instead he will focus on the guilty party his so called lady.

    Ofcourse that’s a slippery slope because some people will get offend and blame you for bringing them info they don’t want to hear. With that said in my opinion not only should you tell your bestfriend it’s your obligation.

  • jaclynsd

    @TheThrill Funny because I was thinking the same thing. I would tell my co-worker so listen here’s the favor I’m going to do for you…how fast do you think you can get out of here before I dial my boy and tell him what you two been up to? My only look out for my co-worker would be a heads up on me calling my best friend. The rest he’s on his own.

    I’ve been in these situations and they turn out one of two ways. Either the girl (or guy) gets pissed off because she may already know and you put all her business out there OR her husband gets mad because “you” ruined his family by letting out his secret. I would say do what you think is right and what you would like done for you. What happens after just take it with a grain of salt you did what you thought was best.

  • GirlSixx

    Great Advice, I would definitely want to be told if my SO was dipping off — but the thing is with most women you have to be careful because alot of times when you bring news like this to them, they eventually get mad at you, for destroying their ignorant bliss. So I don’t know if I would tell my homegirl if I knew her man was creeping because is she decides to forgive him — you become the enemy.

  • brandi

    I would first go to the person who is cheating and make him\her tell their significant other about their indiscretion! I feel that getting the cheating party to do it is better because it will preserve your relationship by allowing the girl\boy friend to disclose the info for them selves! It can also backfire because the girlfriend\boyfriend could flip the script to take some of the heat off of themselves!

  • mel

    If I know the live in an monogamous relationship I would tell my best friend.It depends on the situation if I tell with who the partner was cheating with.What for?

    Men for example get angry at the man their girl slept with whilst they should be angry at their girl.

    Women get angry at the messenger,because whoever that is destroyed their image of a perfect relationship.

    But I wouldn t get involved if I don t know the person well enough.Just because I see her boyfriend dancing with another woman and getting quiet cozy on the floor doesn t mean he s eventually cheating on her.Everybody defines “cheating” different.For some it starts with flirting,for some with kissing and for others it s only cheating when they know about it.

  • http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

    That’s one of those situations that can be a lose-lose. You lose on one end if you don’t tell the best friend and they find out later that you knew they were being cheated on and you didn’t say anything. Then there’s if you tell your best friend and their significant other denies it and makes you look like a hater and they don’t walk to talk to you. It’s definitely a hard decision but I do agree with what Tee Tee said.

    And as far as the co-worker goes… Dude should really ask himself if he wants to be around a person who doesn’t respect other people’s relationships? And he doesn’t owe the co-worker nothing anyhow! Situations like that tell a lot about a person…. #JustSayin’

  • Caramel Goddess

    I was in this situation about 2 years ago; went to work one morning and my co-worker was bragging about this dude her sister met and gave me details about the guy, well, turned out it was my cousin’s fiance. My cousin and I grew up very close, I mean sleeping in the same bed, borrowing each other’s shoes and dressing like twins until we were prolly 16… so I felt it was my duty to just give her a heads up. When I did I didn’t give any particular details, anyways, she called dude immediately after I left and told him everything I said. Long story short, she took his word over mine, but there was no love lost because like I said I gave no details and I assured her that my telling her was coming from a place of love and concern. I stood in their wedding (only because I consider her my sister; she’s grown and I would never cut her off for her decisions), we’re still close today, I can’t stand her husband because he’s still doing $h!t, but I’m of the opinion that she’s a big girl and if she choses to ignore whats right in front of her face its her business. I will never ever tell her anything again though.

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