WORDS BY MISTY BLUE
Let me start by saying I love my ladies—my African American ladies—more than the world and I think we should support one another but I have an issue with some of us. After reading NWSO’s post “6 Married Men Confess – Before I Said ‘I Do’ I Wish I Did…” last week it got me to thinking: Do men have more regrets when they get married? Why was the most common response, sleeping with multiple women, doing something “crazy” like “bending an ex over in a club bathroom” or dating women of different ethnic backgrounds? And most importantly, why is doing it in the club bathroom deemed “crazy” after you get married? Is marriage some sort of death sentence?
Now don’t get me wrong, when you get married you do have a few different responsibilities; but why does the fun and freakiness have to end? What, because you walked down the aisle and have a husband you’re all of a sudden “pure” and all the freaky shyt you did to get him stop because you got him?! I beg to differ, ladies!
Fellas, you need to keep it cracking too because we get bored as well but that’s neither here nor there. In the words of my grandma, a lot of the work in a marriage—whether we want to believe it or not—falls on us. It sucks but I find it to be true. The ladies are tasked with keeping it hot and sexy and quite honestly when we do, I find that almost always the men are willing to return the favor and most often stay their asses “at home” because you’ve either worn their asses out or they just don’t know what the hell you’re going to do when they walk through the door. They just know some shyt is about to pop off!
My motto: I want my man to always eat at home! Feel me?
For men, this is why marriage is so scary! They start feeling like, “Damn, this is the last pucci I will ever have!” or “This is going to get boring after like the first year or two!” I’ve even heard complaints from the men I know that they don’t get it at all anymore and they have only been married like five years. What in the hell! I truly believe that once you lose intimacy and that connection, it’s the beginning of the end. That’s just my opinion. Intimacy and being connected is HUGE! HUGE! It’s sad we have all come to see marriage as “boring,” “monotonous,” and just plain “torture.”
Now, not every marriage is salvageable and there are some that need to end but—and this is the freaky side of me coming out—why can’t marriage be just as fun as dating and being wild and crazy?
In fact, here are a few things from my own personal archives I use to keep things spicy—feel free to take notes.
Ladies, why can’t we…
Get a wax: Yes, I said it, a bikini wax! Then go al fresco. It’ll make YOU feel sexy! When I get one it feels and looks so good I want to touch myself. It’ll get him all hot and bothered, too. Just to know you’re as smooth as a baby’s ass under there and wearing nothing to boot—WOW!
Sex the hell out of him: Nothing raunchy or crass but sexy and sweet is always yummy.
Give him a bath: This is one of my faves. Run the bath water and wash and linger in all those special places. I promise, one day when you come home from a long day, he’ll return the favor.
Pack a picnic lunch: Show up at his job (if you can) with something sexy on and in the basket, food of course. Then, after lunch, send sexy messages about what you’re going to do to him when he gets home.
Go to the club: Put on that freakum dress on and “meet” him for the first time all over again. Do it in the bathroom, freak him on the dance floor, “take him home…” Hell, he’s your man, you can do whatever the hell you want without worry.
Go down on him with passion: For goodness sake, I know some of us are down but, ladies, learn to slob the knob and love it. Perfect it! Take a class if you have to (yes, they have them—I got my certificate, damn it). Just learn to love it. *Side note: If he doesn’t want to return the favor, a serious chat is needed*
Watch some porn: There are some flicks out there that aren’t as “nasty” as I have heard women say. Do the research and look for more erotic films—they’re out there, I promise!
Go to the sex shop: Browse the aisles, find some creative oils, crotchless panties or cat suits just on a whim. I go all the time during my lunch break. Hell, it’s right up the street so why not.
Make an iPod mix that makes you feel sexy: My personal faves, Maxwell, Intro (yeah, I went all the way back there), Floetry…all the basics. I even have some Lil Wayne “Lollipop” on mine to get the party started. When you feel sexy it shows!
The point I’m trying to make here is to have fun with your husband (or boyfriend). Keep him guessing. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re dead or boring or… hell, quoting Eunice Mae (my grandma) again, “You need to do the same things to keep him as you did to get him!” There are things he can do to keep it sexy for you/us, too, but that’s a whole other story.
Until next time…
Do most people think that getting marriage leads to boring sex? What do you do to keep things spicy in a long-term relationship? Do you think women should put extra work in to keep their man turned on? Does the same apply to men? Does getting a bikini wax make most women feel sexy and turn men on? Is fantasy and role-playing a big part of keeping the fire alive in your relationships? Do you find that most relationships work better when things are reciprocal? What did you think of Misty Blue’s tips? Did you learn a few tricks?
Speak your piece…