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Is Losing Weight a Good Reason to Cheat? Got My SexyBack

Posted by NWSO • May 31, 2011 • Printer-friendly

WORDS BY ANONYMOUS

I’m just going to come out and say it: I've got some serious issues! I have a boyfriend. Okay, I'm not exactly being real, he’s more like a fiancé. Yeah, like soon to be hubby. About to share the same last name.

Honestly, I'm so excited that he’s about to become a permanent fixture in my life! I mean, I can actually say that I want to be with this caramel-y hunk of a man for the rest of my life. Problem is, if this is indeed the case, then why am I giving some dudes the impression that I’m still "open for business?"

I constantly find myself asking, What’s the matter with me? As if I don't already know. It's sick. It's twisted. I realize this. Yet, I can't seem to stop myself. Honestly, I'm not sure I really want to.

Hey, don't judge me, just hear me out. You see, when I was a teenybopper many moons ago, I was, shall we say, a bit on the heavy side. Forget that. I was FAT. My thighs rubbed together so hard they could spark a fire hot enough to roast marshmallows. Because of the flab factor, I didn't really catch the eye of too many guys. Now, don't get me wrong, I was able to snag a few. However, I always felt like I was the consolation prize.

I would often watch my sistagirls get the catches of the day while I was stuck with the throwbacks. The sour stench of envy with the unmistakable odor of jealousy would often permeate my senses as I would watch them get one guy after another—almost effortlessly. I wanted to be able to make a man drool and not just because of the food I may have cooked him! It just didn’t happen though.

Allow me to hit the fast forward button to present day. Since those dreaded days I’ve dropped about 65 pounds of unwanted flesh (yeah, me) and I found that my theory proved to be correct. Since the dramatic descent of the numbers on the scale, the male species has definitely taken notice—in a good way. As a result of all this deliciously, delectable attention, I'm afraid that it's changed me somehow. I feel empowered, sensual, sexy and bad.

When a gentleman that I find to be appealingly appetizing asks if I have a man, I always seem to just gloss right over the question. My brain is screaming, "Gurrrrl, you better tell this brotha that you’re betrothed to another!!" But in most cases, the words just never seem to escape my lips. I'm sure my honey's heart would skip a couple of beats if he knew the truth, but I just can’t stop.

I'm surprised my cell hasn't caught fire from all the torrid texting and steamy and stimulating calls from men other than my baby boo. My bodacious behavior is both enticing yet somewhat scary. It's like it feeds my undernourished ego. Perhaps I'm just trying to make up for time that I feel like I've lost. This is my trusty therapist's theory (#ShoulderShrug). Hey, she very well could be on to something. My mom has even offered to throw in her two cents by saying that maybe I should tell my beloved bye-bye so I won't hurt him. Yeah, maybe. But why can't I have my cake and eat it, too??!

Do you think losing weight can make someone get too cocky? Would you rather date someone that liked you for who you were when you were heavy or only paid attention because you lost weight? Do you think this woman truly loves her fiancé if she can’t tell men she’s engaged? Should she just call off the wedding or salvage the relationship because he loved her when she was heavy? Do you find that some people don’t know how to act when they lose weight and flaunt their body excessively or act uber-sexual? What would you do if you found out your partner wouldn’t claim you when they met people of the opposite sex?

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Tagged as: cheating, fiance, infidelity

4L

Im lost.... so was the BF w/her BEFORE she lost the weight or now? And if im reading the post right...you love him and such...you wouldnt be sending these texts or whatevs is going on....

@LuvLiveLearnLOL
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

I believe it's both, she was heavy and got the fiance then recently lost weight and started her text affairs and heavy flirting while still having the fiance. That's my interpretation
http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

I've seen this happen quite often, especially with people who had low self-esteem when they were big. They lose weight and go out and act a fool. Obviously we don't have the whole story but i think that its possible that she loves dude but she's also "making up for lost time" Very immature and i'm def not condoning it, but such is life.
My personal philosophy is if you can't accept me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best. So i can't imagine getting with someone who wouldn't give me the time of day when i was fat but is all in my face once i get my sexyback. That just shows how shallow/superficial they are.
On the flipside, i wouldn't stay with someone just because they except me being big-boned lol. If i don't love you, i don't love you. im not gonna settle just because you're cool with what some would consider my flaw. Getting with a fat person is not something commendable. You aren't doing something brave/heroic/noteworthy lol
*sorry for the dissertation*
da ThRONe

Completely disturbed by this blog.

I'm not a therapist, but if all you can think about is outside dick something is wrong. Not only thinking but leaving the door open for something to pop off is scandalous.
Flowy Mitchell

I think that this is just a phase of new found attention and your frolicking in it. Yea u like it now because u didn't have it before but trust me regret may (most likely...WOULDN'T TAKE MY CHANCES!!!!) come sooner than u thought if u just cut off ol dude like that. What could you think of or say if someone asked you why yall broke it off...without sounding heartless. I'm sad that we live in this society where weight can change how you feel about love. Now if u want to adventure then go ahead but people dont forget where they came from.
da ThRONe

The whole "you didn't want me when I was fat" thing is played. Ofcourse he didn't want you when you weren't physically attractive to him thats human nature. It's one thing to be overly superficial and having a measurement in mind, but to expect your women to not be 50+lb over weight is not too much to ask for.

Yesterday blog was about the importance of sex in a relationship. Why would I want to have sex with a women I'm not attracted to. It's similar to maturity if a female I like is immature I wouldn't date her. Now if some time pass and she grows up I would be willing to date her. Same with the weight thing. Sure it sounds cruel, but it's real if there is no reason why you can't get/stay in shape I should just accept the fact that I'm not sexually attracted to you.

We have this mindset of making victims and villains out of people when there's no reason to.
http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

Losing weight is a dumb reason to cheat. In my opinion, there are plenty of dumb reasons to cheat.
justme

WTF kinda of question is this. There are no good reasons to cheat. If you are a liar and a cheater then big or small, you are a liar and a cheater. I know you think you got your sexy back, but sexy does not offer a free pass to infidelity and besides if he loved you enough to stay with you and love you while you were big as a damn house, HTF you gonna contemplate cheating on him cause now you slim.

Here is my advice; Sow your wild oats now that you are slim, leave him and let him go, so a real sister who deserves a good man can get him 'cause you playing.
OSHH

Folk not used to attention also don't know how to handle it.
I think this say's alot about the inner person regardless of the outward appearance. Pretty is as pretty does and so is ugly.
http://realestdudeintheroom.com RDITR

Congratulations on your weight loss and your new found sexy. Of course men are going to find you attractive and you should feel good about the attention. But you should not be fiending for it and you certainly shouldn't be fanning the fire and encouraging it.

Do yourself a favor and get out of this relationship. Marriage is already a failed institution that very few are able to navigate successfully. You are guaranteeing another failed marriage if you wed this man with your current mind state.

Be fair to your fiance and fair to yourself. Go ahead and play with the fires that you are fanning. Everyone needs to go through that phase, but you need to go through it alone.
radiantlyrad

Hmmm, I understand so well, I lost a lot of weight recently and the attention is delightful and overwhelming all at the same time. This sista is enjoying herself and there is nothing wrong with that, EXCEPT when it is at the expense of someone else. If you can't tell him what you're doing then you're being deceitful and that's never ok. Here is an interesting article I think applies to the situation and offers a unique viewpoint http://jujumamablog.com/2011/05/09/non-sexual-open-relating/

BTW I would most definitely get with someone who didn't like me before, I wouldn't like a man who was as overweight as I was, why should I expect different. But I wouldn't threaten to leave my husband if he gained weight.
Pretty Eyez

If your current man loves you. I mean really loves you for all that you are. You should honor that, cherish it, and build with him. Those other guys are only attracted to you. But they dont know you. You dont know them. You have no idea how they will carry you.

You can not have your cake and eat it too. My suggestion.. do what you need to do to get this out of your system.. Get over it.. and Get back to love.
c0c0puffz

I think you should take a break from the relationship. It sounds like you accepted the proposal because you thought he was the only guy who would marry you big.
SMilez_920

I hope she knows how to handle all this new attention in the right way. We have to rememeber she might not be hip to all the game these sexy men are throwing at you now that you look good (your a newbie ). Trust she going to continue this action for a while until one of those men breaks her heart or hurts her fillings or if she's in a situation where's she's not the only pretty girl in the room and her self esteem will be right back where it started. Compliments are nice but dont look at these men fliriting with you as the base of your self esteem.
Preachthetruthteller

She's a idiot...first off I don't why people assume because your overweight u have to automatically have low self esteem or have a problem getting partners. Thats a old way of thinking kinfolk. She about to lose a good dude because the shallow dudes who wouldn't mess with her before now giving her attention...
Your trading a
Maybach for a Honda.. Notthebusiness.com
Lisa

I agree with the folks that commented if you think you going to cheat because of some compliments then let your fiancee go because he doesn't deserve this kind of disrespect. Like Pretty Eyez said, these other dudes don't know you....they just want some ass...uh booty. Don't do it: the compliments are nice & all but what you have with your man is sooooo much better.
Bresue

The writer stated that she always felt like the "consolation" prize for the guys she was able to snag. Maybe her boyfriend was just the guy she settled for because she was fat and he didnt mind her fatness. Now that she no longer has all the extra weight and likes the attention she is now receiving, she has second thoughts about the man she settled for. She is not ready for marriage and she needs to end the relationship. She needs to see whats really out there and then maybe she will appreciate the qualities in the man who was willing to date her when she was a fat girl. Great job on losing the weight!
Preachthetruthteller

Why would you get with someone who didn't like you before? If they couldn't mess with you big why let them play with you small??
da ThRONe

It depends on the person. If a dude is clowning you and treating you like shit because your big that's one thing. If he just isn't into overweight chicks there's nothing wrong with that. Everybody has their preference. Not being into overweight/obese person is the same as not being into an irresponsible/immature person.

Once again if a person just treats you like dirt because your big I would never date them. If a guy is cool with you, but just not phyiscally attracted to you thats a completely different story.

You shouldn't go through life mad at people because there was a time in your life where you were either too lazy, or wasn't discipline enough to control your weight.
radiantlyrad

No I wouldn't get with someone who dogged me, or was mean to me when I was heavier. In fact that has happened and it makes them a bigger douche to me. I'm saying that I wouldn't hold it against a new guy who I know I wouldn't have had a chance with when I weighed more.
Atselec

Let him go. If you cheat now you will do it after you are married. He deserves better than you.
jaclynsd

““Hey, don’t judge me, just hear me out.”
No judgment here…as a matter of fact I commend the writer for keeping it honest. Hard for some to do regardless of what is being said.

“I’m surprised my cell hasn’t caught fire from all the torrid texting and steamy and stimulating calls from men other than my baby boo” Come on girl you know better…no judgment but you know better. What if your “baby boo” was doing the same to you?!

And as for “But why can’t I have my cake and eat it, too??!”

Like I tell my daughter all the time don’t get it twisted mama a guy doesn’t have to love you to have sex w/you. But since you’re a grown as$ women I’ll put it to you this way your fiancé loves you and not for just your looks but all of you. Them other dudes just want to f*ck you, and then toss you. Your response and the way you act tells them that’s all your good for. You’re basically a good time, or at worst a just a tease. I’m just being real w/you. You’ve never had the opportunity to date and be the center of attention, so unfortunately because of this you never learned that the guys that were getting at you for your looks were at the most just going to use you for sex and/or arm candy. Unfortunately because of this too you never learned to decipher the good ones from the bad ones, and in that case you never learned to decipher good intentions from all the wrong ones. You’re high off the attention.

My opinion/advice (and that’s all it is) don’t marry your fiancé and be single for a while. You were blessed (good looks or not) to find a good man, but don’t know how to appreciate him. I’m only saying this because of your admitted actions. You need to be single and really learn how it is out here. Not just for good looking women but just women in general. Then you’ll learn to appreciate what you have/had. I have a lot of gorgeous friends that given up good men because they can’t give up the attention and the high it gives them to get new attention. To be honest I think that all stems from insecurity, but I digress…at the end of the day all they have is regret and good looks, but even their looks are fading. Good looks don’t last forever, but having found good man does, so do yourself and him a favor and let someone that appreciate have him. And I hope for you that you’re that right person and get yourself right. I wish you both the best of luck!!
Preachthetruthteller

Well see I guess that's where i differ. It's obvious the cat is shallow because looks fade and pass with time. Folk get big off genetics, hormones, medicine, over eating etc... So if they can't rock with you big they shouldn't when you small? God forbid u loose a limb or something they wouldn't look twice at you...
Preachthetruthteller

That's where we differ
Weight gain is genetic,hormonal, from medicine, depression,mental illness.,.I've seen that thru friends and family
So that being said weight unless on the high end of obesity is not really a decent deal breaker to me.. To each his own but if u can't handle me before then u don't get the after
http://www.AConleyCreation.com AConleyCreation

Why do people assume if you're overweight you have low self esteem? Because someone who is overweight, in most cases, is not taking care of their health. Not often is it due to an underlying health issue like hypothyroidism. You can be confident to a degree while overweight, but all in all, I believe the lack of confidence is at hand.
http://www.AConleyCreation.com AConleyCreation

I have a different perspective on this, as I have experienced the same thing and also have seen it happen with others.

How happy is she in her relationship and how healthy is it? When I'd lost a lot of weight, my confidence was boosted. I saw how I could achieve something with a lot of hard work and dedication. My relationship at the time was also not a healthy one. As I started receiving attention & as my confidence grew, I began to see we shouldn't be together.

So perhaps what she is seeing is that they really don't belong together or maybe even that she is just not ready to settle down. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that (or un being attracted to others) but how you respond and react is what matters... and the choices she is making are not healthy for someone to be engaged. Yeah, I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, but I had to decide one or the other because it wasn't fair. Thankfully, I made the right choice & left that relationship.
da ThRONe

Well she lost it so clearly it wasn't just medical. There will aways be acceptions, but to often it's due to poor habits and a lack of effort.
Preachthetruthteller

I honestly haven't seen that.. Weight can come from genetics, medicine, mental illnesss etc... That's like saying if your bad with money you must not be confidant ..I know plenty of overweight confidant people same as I know plenty of in shape people with body image issues..ijs
Princess Key

You said exactly what I wanted to say when I read this story. She is doing too much posturing and posing as single for any self respecting would be willing to put up with if he knew what was going on behind his back.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side, most of the time it's just paint and fades eventually.
radiantlyrad

It's funny how people assume so much about obese people; lazy, undisciplined, low self esteem but when it comes to alcoholics these same characteristics aren't attributed. In fact people with drug addictions are usually sympathized/partied with whereas the obese are chastised and further pushed into solidarity; with stares, name calling, and other ignorant behavior. You reach for a beer after a long hard day I reach for a cupcake. Neither is a positive resolution to the issue but to each their own.
CK

I think it's funny that the author says "don't judge me" yet is seeking everyone's approval, trying to justify her actions and get us all to condone her cheating and say it's okay for her to act that way because "I used to be fat and never got to enjoy all that before". It may sound harsh, but get over it!

Seriously, what woman *really wants a bunch of random hookups with guys who are into her only for her looks/sex. Sure it's fun for a minute, but most eventually want a real relationship. She's found that - someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with her and is obviously good to her. Yet she values the shallow attention of her boy-toys more?

She knows her behavior is wrong or else she wouldn't be trying to justify it. She needs to grow up and decide what is most important to her. And I personally don't think she has to "be single and see the world" before she can do that. She sounds like a reasonably intelligent and insightful person, she just needs to stop, step back and take a good look at things.

The world didn't treat her unfairly - she got a good man who she *knows loves her for who she is. Big deal she didn't get the sexual attention her friends got when she was young. Where are those friends now? Most likely not about to marry a good man, but caught up in a series of relationship dramas cause they mess around with guys who are only interested in their bodies, playing lovin' and leavin' all the time.
SweetCree

One question....why cant you feel "empowered, sensual, sexy and bad” with your fiance? Congrats on the weight loss but I wont be surprised if you gain it all back since it doesnt sound like you have dealt with the real issues that got you there in the 1st place. But hey, good luck!
Brina

I agree, it really is played out. I'm so over people trying to pretend like they will pick personality over looks EVERY TIME. There have been times that a guy became more attractive to me after hearing him speak and getting to know him, so it can happen, but lets be real here. You are not going to be in a physical relationship with somebody that you dont find attractive. Why would I want to sleep with a guy I find unattractive? Its not gone happen.
http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

both of ya'll have totally missed my point (or maybe i wasn't clear enough in making it- either way)...the point is, that if you can't take me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best. If you are random man, or even passing acquaintance who meets me after i get my sexyback i have no problem with you wanting to talk to me. But if you knew me already, and actually got the chance to know me and probably liked me, but put a i can't date you even though your perfect in every other way stamp on my forehead then no i wouldn't date you once i lost that physical flaw. That to me is just shallow. Im not changing my mind about that at all. Physical beauty fades, the person you are inside is whats going to stand the test of time. If i was all you wanted in a woman except my weight, what assurance do i have that once that first wrinkle or gray hair pops up your not gonna be movin on to the next?
Im not making a victim or villain out of anyone, im just puttin it out there that FOR ME that would be a no-go.
Rastaman

She is just not ready to be married or committed. It is really not that complicated, it is not about her being fat at one time and now “bodacious”, it is that she accepted the “throwbacks” as she stated because she felt that was all she could attract and now she feels she would like to explore more options. I am sympathetic because being a late bloomer socially by the time most of my peers were embarking on long term committed relationships and even marriage I was just getting to the peak of my socializing. It would have done no good for me to have committed to anyone during those times because would have been a companion with a wandering eye constantly contemplating whether the grass was greener.
Some folks are going to see her behavior as not too nice and under the circumstances they are not. She needs to start acting maturely in her relationship and understand that disappointing others in the immediate is way better than disappointing them in the long term. So if her fiancée is as nice a person as she says and she still needs time to experience men as a bodacious chick then she better let him go, give him the opportunity to meet a woman who can give him the same as he is offering. There is nothing wrong with being selfish what is wrong is hurting others as a result of being selfish.
It could be weight, finances, personality development or whatever life changes that empower individuals that may cause them to view the world differently. But life forces us to make choices everyday and some of our choices we are not too proud of but they may be necessary. If the sexy bodacious chick is who she thinks she is now then be that person just understand that you may be sacrificing a man who may truly love you for the unknown.
http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

Do you think losing weight can make someone get too cocky?
I absolutely do! When you're not used to that kind of attention your head tends to get hella inflated!

Would you rather date someone that liked you for who you were when you were heavy or only paid attention because you lost weight?
I'm going to pick the first part of that question.

Do you think this woman truly loves her fiancé if she can’t tell men she’s engaged?
I'm not going to say she doesn't love him. I believe she does... she just doesn't know how to handle this newfound attention she's getting from the opposite sex.

Should she just call off the wedding or salvage the relationship because he loved her when she was heavy?
She just need to let it go. Because eventually he'll find out the dirt she's doing and that's gonna end extremely tragic.

Do you find that some people don’t know how to act when they lose weight and flaunt their body excessively or act uber-sexual?
Absolutely!

What would you do if you found out your partner wouldn’t claim you when they met people of the opposite sex?
I would give him an EXTREMELY big piece of my mind (when we're not around alot of people) and then move on! Don't have time to waste on people who are insecure and caught up with what their friends think of them!

*I'm a true believer that most men want to sleep with a big woman at least once in their life just to see what it's about...*
knighthonor

Sorry to say this, but I have had bad exp with big girls. they seem to be the easiest and sleep around the most. (not sure if the OP wants to admit it that she probably has gotten more dicks than her slim friends did. Clearly their mindset is fucked up. if you willing to cheat,,,for any reason, you still a cheater! you have a good man that loses you for you, yet again you want to sleep around. This probably wasnt your first time doing this ether.

If you did this while slim, than its no telling what you did when you were big and easy...

I feel bad for your so called "Baby Boo"
slut!
Fustrated Boyfriend

I havent lost wieght but I think I should cheat on my gf!! Im the most honest guy Ive ever known and my gf dosent truts me! WTF!! Everytime I go out she thinks Im F@#king!

What do you think I should do?
sexxybrown

What this sounds like is a classic case of an issue with self esteem. Which most people have had a problem with at one time or another. It's unfortunate that these things sometimes still haunt us. But my belief is that the reason the men are so attracted to you now as opposed to then is not about the weight loss, but about your confidence level. Men are attracted to confidence. (ok and the physical too, lol) I've seen some over weight (don't like the word fat) women with some gorgeous men and I'm like, "OK, get it girl." Confidence is very sexy. (this is equally true for women attracted to confident men) I say all of this to say, don't get it twisted about why these men are up on you now. Do you only want that kind of attention from them? My suggestion is to stop the cheating and take all of that ubersexual-ness you're feelin' and throw it on your fiancee. He actually loves you for you. Thick, skinny, low or high self esteem. That's who I'd want in my corner. If you don't feel it for dude (fiancee), release him, it's not fair to him to be led on. That way at this point you can be ubersexual with whomever and not have the guilt attached, and maybe somewhere in there you'll figure out what you really want in regards to love. Maybe love isn't for you right now.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

If you truly are the most honest guy you've ever known then cheating would go against the core of who you are. If you really feel the urge to cheat or to act out in some way because of the )false) accusations you need to look at that. Have a convo with your GF and let her know how you feel. Saying I'm gonna cheat or might as well cheat because you keep accusing me is a weak statement. People cheat because they make a conscious decision to. If that's your decision you might as well break up and then continue being the most honest guy you know.
http://strokeofprose.com Kaye Michele

Okay...

Um...

So maybe I'm missing something here...but where did the conversation take such a turn? I mean, now shorty is lazy because she didn't want to lose weight, and the dude she's with is whatever because he may or may not have accepted her for who she was?!? (weren't they together since she was overweight?) What happened to the original question?

Let me just say this: many overweight women ARE lazy/scared/complacent and that's REAL.

(HOLD ON, KEEP READING)

Just as many overweight women havent figured out what works for them/have medical/hormonal/DNA issues.

The point is, who are we to judge? You don't know a person's personal situation, so who are you to determine who you THINK they are?If you have your preference, fine, but leave it at that. But I got a better one...how about we stick to the question at hand? =)

I was overweight for a LONG time. I lost 76 pounds and am still going. I figured out finally what worked for me and made it happen. I'm NOT lazy at all.

But I digress.

I relate to this woman in the sense that I know the feeling of getting more attention than you might normally get because now you've got a waist and extra bootie, etc.

HOWEVER...

You're getting married, shorty. Cut it out or leave him alone. PERIOD.

#thatisall
Baribone14

I like thick women myself me personally. So there are some guys that like them. The thing about it is since you have lost this weight some guys are just looking at your shape instead of what you have to offer and more than likely gone try to hit instead of trying to make you his wife. If this cat actually wanted you for you when you were at the bigger weight why would you want to step out on this guy? What are you thinking? Looks are important but its isnt everything.