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How Many of Your Friends Are Actually a Good Catch?

Posted by NWSO • June 1, 2011 • Printer-friendly

I don't know why but whenever I tell a woman that I don't know any eligible bachelors she never believes me. There's always this assumption that I'm holding out because I'm a "nice guy" so I must know other "nice guys." Birds of a feather and all that jazz…

While I don't hang around uncouth fellas, the guys I know are no angels either. Honestly, most men aren't, but that’s another blog. Even though some women may view a few of my friends as "good guys" that doesn't mean they're good enough for you, IMHO. If I know one of boys has hoish tendencies or is just not in the space to have a healthy relationship; why would I hook him up with someone I consider a friend? More than likely I'm doing that woman a favor by not hooking her up with a homie.

In addition to not wanting to have anyone's potential heartbreak on my hands, I just don't like doing the whole “hook-up" thing. That goes for me connecting two friends or someone trying to play matchmaker for me. If I meet someone you know that I find attractive and you put in a good word for me, cool, but the whole blind date thing just seems too awkward.

Plus, when you date the friend of a friend that friend always has the potential of knowing way too much of your personal business. Despite the honesty of this blog, I still enjoy my privacy. Women and men talk and if the woman I'm seeing is going to talk about my bedroom skills (or lack thereof) I'd much rather it be with a relative stranger than someone I actually know and will continue to know in the event that “hook-up” relationship doesn’t last.

#Awkward

I operate under the belief that certain people need to only know certain things about you, like if I was dating the best friend of a co-worker I don't need the person in the cube across from me knowing that I cried when Optimus Prime died in the animated version of Transformers: The Movie or how my toes curl during an intense orgasm. That's how the line between professional and personal get blurry. So I'd like to keep the inner workings of my intimate relations private. Just as the above could make things awkward for me, I assume they'll be the same for you. So anyone asking for a hook-up will get denied.

But truthfully, it's more than blurring the lines of friends and their relationships. Anytime a woman has asked me if I knew any good guys for her I really drew a blank. More than likely the woman that's asking is someone I respect and view as someone worthy of a great guy. No offense to my single male friends but most of them either wouldn't be a good fit for the woman in question or just aren't the kind of dude I'd feel comfortable co-signing. My word is my bond and if I know my man Mark has a good job, works out, goes to church and dresses nice but likes to sleep with every chick under the sun, I'm not going to hook him up with someone I consider a friend. Sucks for his other victims, but I don't know them chicks.

#Sorry

Have you ever hooked up a pair of friends on a blind date? Did it work out or turn out to be a disaster? Would you put your name on the line for a friend you knew wasn't relationship material? Do you think it's cock blocking to not hook your friends up? Would you warn someone you respected about dating one of your friends or just mind your business? How many of your friends would you actually feel comfortable co-signing? Do you think it makes me a bad friend if I won’t co-sign most of my boys? Have you ever been hooked up with someone one of your friends recommended? Do you agree that dating the friend of a friend has the potential of blurring the line of your personal life? Would you date the friend of a co-worker or is that too close to home?

Speak your piece…

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Tagged as: co-sign, friends dating, good catch, personal life, private life

http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

I think it's perfectly fine to not hook friends up. I refuse to do it no matter how interested the girl or dude may claim to be in the other person. It's bad business with the potential to get messy if things don't work out. The one thing I would be cool doing is throwing a dinner party or something and inviting a bunch of male and female friends. Let them do all the work and I just stand off to the side while chattin, drinkin beer, and hoping they all brought protection. Well, if someone needs protection then it probably won't turn into a relationship. That's also another post.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

A blogger after my own heart. lol. Yeah, the party scene is a good idea. I keep telling the fellas to come out to the NWSO jams (next one in July) but they don't hear me though
http://twitter.com/rekstizzy rek

You know, I was just thinking about this today actually... i love to make matches and i've done so for a lot of friends. But the most recent one was kind of a disaster. two reasons.

the guy kept stressing over her and in the process annoyed the shit out of me. "yo what she say man?" "do you think i should..." "yo man, yo man, yo man"

the girl kept telling me how corny this dude was and although i was cracking up the whole time, end of the day, you don't want to hear that about your friend

i don't think i will stop doing the matchmaker thing for friends but i'm definitely going to assess the compatibility better.

to address a few of those questions
i think if your friend is kind of a scumbag, there is potential for him to change when he finds the right one. might be a good idea to plant the idea in his head.

if you're hooking up your homegirl with mr douchebag, you should give her the heads up. she might secretly like that because at this point we know girls absolutely love dick #nodoublestandards
http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

If a dude says he doesn't have any dudes for me, im gonna take his word for it (unless he's got some shady reason for throwing dirt on his friends)
I'd also never hook anyone up. I might provide the avenue for two people to meet/introduce themselves to one another but never actually go as far as setting up a "date". One of my guy friends actually was pushing for me to hook him up with one of my sorority sisters and i told him so many times that it wouldn't work but he just kept persisting. Thankfully the woman was not interested in my friend. I know i would not have heard the end of it from both sides if they did get together and it ended up not working out.
M.L.

@Ans im with u on this dog. I would rather met somebody that i was talking to. then somebody my homeboy know's it's just awkward & it could end getting messy. Do i think it's clockblocking not to hook up your friends? Hell naw cause most dude's don't want relationship's they tell a female what they want to hear.
http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

No hook-ups or blind dates here. My preference is to meet someone in a more natural setting. As far as hooking up friends, same thing - let it happen on its own because I refuse to be blamed for any screw-ups that could happen.
Lisa

I agree with Spinster....hell I cringe when friends tells me that they have someone they would like for me to meet....I guess the expression on my face shows them how I really feel about that because they quickly change the subject. A dinner party or get together is a good idea Slim.
Pocahontas

i wouldnt hook anyone up!! I had that done to me and the person was all in my BI. The bad part was my friend (im a female) kept vouching for the guy she barely new and I lsited to her. Needless to say it was a disaster. i think the 1st post was a good one have an event and let ppl mingle.
http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com Tiffany

Craziness...my uncle and I were just talking about this over the weekend. I am always fussing at him and my boy for not hooking me up and they both always say that their friends are not worthy. I finally accept it and have left them alone (as of Sunday LOL) A lot of times when you are dating a guy one of your girls wants to meet his boy and yadda yadda. I hooked my girl up in 04 and that shiznit ended so quickly then my boyfriend at the time was mad at me...NO THANKS
http://shareefjackson.com Shareef

I definitely introduce different sets of friends, but never with the purpose of getting them in a relationship. If it naturally happens, it happens.
OSHH

Hook up's not my cup of tea either way and I am not Chuck Woolery.
I have never asked a dude or brawd for one and decline when it's offered. Like Slim said if you meet organically @ a gathering that's cool.
Deka

nothing wrong in asking!
justme

Hooking people up can be a disaster or it can be wonderful. We all have our own perspectives. Therefore, what we perceive as a good catch may be a throw back to someone else. If the relationship works out then great, if it doesn't then you can be seen as hooking up someone with a crazed lunatic or the lunatic can look at you to reconcile the relationship.

Furthermore, nobody truly knows what you want, except for you. What I perceive as a great man is not a great man to someone else and vica versa.
Rastaman

I have played match-maker for friends once in my life it did not end up in a relationship and that was the first and last time I attempted to play cupid for friends. Like you most of my friends are not what I would consider text book relationship material. They are good friends and so I would never attempt to set them up with another good friend. I would offer them up to someone I don’t really know though. Well because I don’t know that other person and the odds are they may hit it off and I am just introducing them. What they do from there on is there business.
The unspoken rule amongst my crew is that we never voluntarily comment on each other dating circles. We are cordial and courteous and withhold all opinions until we are asked or the relationship ends then it is a free for all. Unless the relationship or prospective relationship directly impacts us we make every man sink or swim on his own. We will definitely bust your chops if your date is fugly or socially awkward of course. But that is more about quality control than anything else. Plus we love busting each other’s chops, so being sensitive is not a quality for hanging around me.
I have several of female friends that have attempted to set me up but their choices always indicate whom they liked for me not whom I liked for myself. I am a private person who does like to keep my worlds separate but I do understand that most of the people we will meet in life are very likely to be friends of friends/co-workers/acquaintances/family. So someone we know will be privy to details of our intimate lives whether we like it or not. That is just how life works. Even in a larger place like NYC there are only six degrees of separation.
Drew-Shane

I don't like hooking up friends with friends. I don't want us to date nowhere near the same circle-- this ain't no sitcom. It keeps down on the drama. I barely like to hear my friends talk about their relationship. That would be too much.
RC Turi

I despise blind dates. But I will definitely ask if a male friend has friends. No shame in my game. I'm not the type who will pump a mutual friend for info though. I would actually hope that the mutual friend would choose to not be involved at all.

I had one of my friends hook me up once and since she knew the guy, it was kind of annoying because he would use her for any info he could. Then she would tell me and it was just a hassle.
jaclynsd

Have you ever hooked up a pair of friends on a blind date? Nope

Would you put your name on the line for a friend you knew wasn’t relationship material? Definitely not. I’m like you my word is my bond and I’m not cosigning on anyone I don’t feel is worth dating.

Do you think it’s cock blocking to not hook your friends up? No, I’m not a match maker lol

Would you warn someone you respected about dating one of your friends or just mind your business? I would warn them and then mind my business after. They’re grown what they do next is on them.

How many of your friends would you actually feel comfortable co-signing? Let me think…out of my close friends I’d say most w/the exception of one.

Do you think it makes me a bad friend if I won’t co-sign most of my boys? No, it says a lot about your character. I had a guy co-sign for his boy and he turned out to be crazy! So that said a lot about the guy that co-signed for him. They both look bad now…confirmed.

Have you ever been hooked up with someone your friends recommended? Yup, knew it was a bad idea and when you don’t follow instincts ish don’t work out right. Oh well lesson learned.

Do you agree that dating the friend of a friend has the potential of blurring the line of your personal life? Yes, you hope things stay between the two of you but who’s to say when you break up.

Would you date the friend of a co-worker or is that too close to home? Too close, like you said I don’t want anyone knowing what’s going on w/me in my personal life…bedroom or other.
Bear456

When is the nwso jam? I never read that on here and I'm here daily....hooking friends up I dont like and I don't like being hooked up always seems awkward to me, I'd rather you introduce me and I can take it from there
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Haven't announced (or fully planned) yet LOL But anniversary is next month. 3 years baby
leah

I ve never hooked friends up.
That s kinda crossing the line and can get to mixed up.

I also can tell which relationships are going to work out( dunno why but I can) and how should I give a friend advice on his/her relationship when her/his partner is a friend of mine?

What if she asked me "he said he had never cheated.Is that true?".Even if it was true I wouldn want to awnser that question because everybody has to decide for themselfes what they are sharing with a partner.

No thanks, I don t wanna live How I Met Your Mother-ish where everybody is screwing everybody.

When a couple breaks up and both are friends of you, you can count the days till one of them says they don t want you to see the ex,who ist still your friend.
leah

@NWSO

“Sucks for his other victims, but I don’t know them chicks.”

Why do you consider the women he sleeps with victims?
I mean, is he kinda tricking them into it?
If they know the deal it s their decision.If they can t handle One-Night-Stands it s their problem.
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Well there is no specific "he" but the thought was that there are players and those that get played. The latter group (the played) usually get painted as victims, no? He/She lied to me, he/she said this but did that... etc.
http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

I've never played matchmaker before... or maybe I have unwillingly... but anyway I do have 1 friends who I put my word on. She's best friend and we've known each other for over 20 years so yeah. My other best friend is already taken and my other.... well... I wouldn't set her up with any guy who I want to keep around as a friend. She's a flake. Love her to death though!

If a guy were to ask me why I wouldn't set him up with her... I wouldn't say to much b/c he can go and run tell that and that would be mess I don't need.
GirlSixx

I've gone as far as facilitate the exchanging of numbers BUT that's where my involvement ends.. I don't want no bbm/text/calls talkin about "why your girl frontin on a brotha" and I explain this to them out the gate so there's never any problems.
BrownSuga

I was matched by my friends BF and it was a bad move. I've had it happen in the past and had no problems but in this case my girl knew things about the guy she didnt like and got upset with her BF who called me himself. She ended up breaking it up by telling the guy I was dating other people. I was a little upset about how she did it because I felt like she should have told me the truth instead of telling him a lie. I felt like she made me look suspect. I wasnt mad she broke it off because he wasnt my type but that should have been my place not hers. Needless to say I wont be matched by her or her BF again.
leah

Well,as far as I m concerned the rules of a One Night Stand are:
Discression
No exchange of telephone numbers necessary
It s a one time thing

If a woman can t handle it, they shouldn t do it.I note that a lot of women like to victimize themselfes,maybe because they fear they would have been thought of as sluts if they didn t say they had hoped for something more.
If a guy annoys the hell outta me (e.g.a club) I also say "sure,give me your number,I ll call you".

Anyways,thanks for clearing that up:)
rhelease

Set-ups are a little awkward, yes, and they definitely have the potential to be disastrous. But, as a 27-year-old ready for and waiting on my partner in life, I'm willing to subject myself to a couple bad dates. My position is that you've got to be open to different situations, different ways and means of meeting someone in order to maximize your chances of meeting that person.