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Can We Sleep Together? (Get Your Mind Out the Gutter)

Posted by NWSO • June 28, 2011 • Printer-friendly

When most people talk about "sleeping together" rarely are they referring to actually catching some Zs. Well, today that’s exactly what I'm addressing.

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and she recounted how her ex had the weirdest sleeping habits. He liked to sleep with the TV on all night and with the volume turned up loud. In fact, if she ever turned it off or down in the middle of the night he would pop up out his slumber like he heard a gun shot.

Needless to say, homeboy's unorthodox sleeping practices made spending the night a chore for her and that—along with other factors—led to the end of the relationship. That's not something a lot of us think about as reason for a breakup but how we actually sleep with someone can have just as much impact on the relationship as any other issue.

While I'm not as extreme as my friend's ex, I like to sleep with the TV on as well but only to fall asleep to. When I feel myself getting tired I set the timer for 30 minutes, roll over and knock out. It’s something my bed partners have to deal with but I’ve never heard any complaints. The only issue for me at least is if I forget to set the timer and I wind up having a horrible sleep because I hear voices all night long (am I alone?).

Aside from that I think I have pretty normal sleeping habits—I even like to cuddle (a pillow will suffice if there's no warm body available). But if that's not a woman’s thing then I can see how that could be a problem. Case in point, there was this one girl I was dating that was opposed to me snuggling up close to her and wrapping my legs around her at night. She said she just couldn't sleep comfortably like that or using my chest as a pillow. In retrospect, it was probably a sign of other intimacy issues in that relationship, but that's a topic for another blog (or book).

For the most part I've been lucky in the women that I've slept with in that I've never come across any snorers or sleepwalkers (one or two night farters, though) but the one thing where I have had issues is with temperature. Living alone is one thing but when you have company of the naked kind it's something completely different.

My first place was dope but it had drafty windows so in the dead of winter it could get rather cold in the apartment. When I was alone it was nothing for me to sleep under two comforters with a hoodie and sweat pants on but that's not sexy when there's a lady over. With that said, I had to invest in a space heater. While I probably could have benefited from its warmth on those cold nights alone I only broke it out when I was trying to keep a lady comfortable enough to strip down to her socks.

On the flip side of that were the summers. Anyone that's lived in New York know about that stifling apartment heat. Back before I had an AC, my counter to that was taking a cold shower right before heading to bed and sleeping buck-naked with the fan on. It was no biggie for me but again women are completely different creatures. So if I wanted my booty card to be validated I once again had to make an investment in an AC. Thing is, I hate sleeping with the AC on because I always wake up with the sniffles. Still, my bed partners could care less about that and insisted on a comfortable room temperature.

At the end of the day comfort in sleeping is not that much to ask, but when it comes at the expense of the other person in the bed is when problems arise. For now I'll just continue to count my lucky stars that I've yet to sleep with someone that I couldn't actually sleep with (see what I did there?).

Have you ever shared a bed with someone who had odd sleeping habits? What's your bedtime ritual(s)? Would you consider loud snoring a deal breaker? What about someone who passed gas in their sleep? Do you sleep with the TV or radio on? Would you be willing to change your bedtime habits for the person you were sleeping with? Are you a cuddler? Ever dated someone that wasn't? Do you think that's a sign of a lack of intimacy? Could you sleep with me?

Speak your piece...

PROTECTION IS THE NEW BLACK, PT. III
The lovely Verneda White over at Human Intonation are holding their third co-ed discussion on HIV prevention TONIGHT. If you remember, yours truly sat on the panel for the last one and I’ll definitely be in attendance for the latest, dubbed “Protection is the NEW Black: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell…Testing the Truth About Sex.” In addition to insight from the panelists—Chris Kazi Rolle of Together Apart, HIV/AIDS activist Carmen Mendoza, Streetz from Single Black Male and spiritual leader Shawna Marie—about the impact of what we don’t discuss with or partners there will also be free HIV testing on site, as well as a wine reception afterwards. So come through and let your voice be heard and you might even get a chance to meet NWSO (I don’t get out much).

When: TONIGHT Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Where: The Loft of Kwane Spinks, 34 Cliff Street, (btwn Fulton St. and John St.), New York, NY 10038
Time: Doors @ 6:30, event starts @ 7

Click here for the evite info.

Tagged as: cuddling, sleeping habits, spooning

http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

I sleep with the tv on too...and if i remember, i'll put the sleep timer on when i feel sleepy. But i can usually do without it if i absolutely have to. Supposedly i snore sometimes too. But thats not my problem lol.

I can believe that incompatible sleeping patterns can cause a break-up. Some people are very particular about how the sleep and since (for most) the ultimate result of a relationship is marriage and subsequently a lifetime of sharing the bed, i can understand why it could cause a problem.

Personally, i'm a hard sleeper. So for the most part, if there's something you do that i don't like or that will keep me up, I just have to fall asleep first and then we're pretty much good.
http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan

Fun fact: Women fart in their sleep. Often. I've had three girlfriends in 10 years and all farted in their sleep. From silent but deadly to machine gun. Society makes them hold it in all day, but when night calls that ass starts talkin.
distinguishedgentlewoman

When my ex and I were together, I knew he had "minor" snoring problems. But nothing could prepare me for the encounter I had with him a few years after we broke up. He happened to be in NYC on business and I decided to pay him a visit at his hotel. After some catching up, we decided to call it a night. I was woken up in the middle of the night by this loud-pitch dragging, gargling bubble sound that blew me away. My ears felt like they were on fire. It was one of the worst things I'd ever heard. I couldn't fall back asleep. So I spent the rest of the night between debating whether I should get the heck up, put my clothes on and bounce before he woke up; wishing for morning to come quickly so I could run fast in the opposite direction and never look back, ever; and thanking God that we never got married. I would be in the crazy house by now if I had to deal with that for a lifetime. That there is grounds for DIVORCE, man.
Mrs. Birghtside

I can pretty much adapt to anyone’s sleeping habits. I keep a tv with a time on out of comfort. If I have someone to cuddle up with I don’t need the tv. The problem most people have with me is how I set my alarms. I have one that goes off an hour before I’m actually supposed to wake up and then another one that comes on at the time I’m supposed to get up. I snooze the first one every 10 minutes then I finally get up.

My roommate makes fun of me because I have 4 pillows on my bed and I sleep on all of them. one between my legs, on to lay on when I’m on my left side, one to lay on when I’m on my right side and one to hold like a teddy bear. They do the job until I get a warm body.
A.B.

an ex of mine and i were not compatible sleepers, and this was one of the many reasons i broke up with him. i am a light sleeper, and he is a heavy snorer who also likes to sleep with the tv on. we were usually able to compromise on the tv, but if he fell asleep before i did, it would usually lead to me being cranky in the morning due to a lack of sleep. and he was a cuddler (a sleeping habit i prefer), but that would turn into him snoring in my ear.
http://nwso.net NWSO

So his snoring got worst from before or y'all broke up before any sleeping over took place? And did this "catching up" lead to just sleeping in the same bed or sleeping together? Lol
distinguishedgentlewoman

We have never had sex. He was my first boyfriend and I was a good little catholic girl waiting for her wedding night. We did "sleep" together when we were dating. And although he did have minor snoring issues, never anything like that night. I told a mutual friend about the incident and she informed me that he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and now wears some type of device when he's sleeping. Excuse me for being insensitive, but more power to his current wife. Like I said, i would be in the looney bin by now.

I was kinda sorta in another relationship—we had had a fight, but I still felt committed—so catching up meant talking and then going to "sleep." Did I want to have sex with him that night? Yes, yes, yes. Still do, always will. He was my first love. Did he want to? Uh yeah. But circumstances prevented me from doing the do—doing him a week after I had slept with Mr. #2 (hahahaha, how appropriate) would have made me feel like a skank. So once again, i said NO to him.
sexxybrown

Very good topic. With the exception of one of my past lovers all of them have
snored. Thank God none have farted. My bedtime ritual is sleeping naked (its a must). Hate clothes on. Also, I need the heat and AC off. I have enough linens on the bed to get warm. (so I guess we could sleep together Ans. ) I absolutely love to cuddle as I fall asleep. Nothing better than that man weight on my body and that thang up against my backside. #oww When my lover isn't present, I do have a hard time fallin asleep, so I sleep with four pillows. One for the head, between the leg, behind me and one to hold on to.
Paulette_bajan_gal

Snoring is a deal breaker.I have never got into a relationship with a man that snores.It didn't matter what a great person he was outside of bed ...that ish is detrimental to your health.lmao.The human body needs sleep and if you don't get enough you can become sick.

I'm not a cuddler and I hate AC.My current lover and I are extremely compatible in bed...in every way possible.He makes sure his bedroom is at whatever comfort level I want it which is what he wants also.After sex ...we each take a side of the bed ...no cuddling.lol.And we have lots of sex during the night.It works itself our perfectly.

In general though you shouldn't sleep over at a booty calls house.A rule most of us seem to break often.lol.
Paulette_bajan_gal

I only fart when I'm sleeping alone and avoid certain foods when I know I'm gonna be sleeping over.But its a normal bodily function ...I'm not offended by it.Rather the dude lets it out than hold it in and become sick.lol.
MsBlackmanSays

Ive dated a # of snorers so now when I meet someone and feel like it could potentially go somewhere I ask dude if e snores. If he does it's a no-no. I'm a really light sleeper & wake at the slightest creak of floor unless I'm dead tired. I've woken dudes up in the middle of the night to cut the noise or sleep on the couch before. Lol.

My only ritual is having absolute darkness in the room. I have set the sleep timer on my radio/iPod and tv but I don't need either to go to sleep.

I like to cuddle but at some point during my sleep it bothers me and I always end up pulling away from the dude. Nothing personal guess I just need my space. I'm a petite chick, not trying to feel smothered! Lol

I could go to sleep with you though NWSO. When I had the hot NYC apartment back in the day I'd make it into having an intimate shower together so it was more of a "sharing" moment and not a "beat the heat" idea. Lol.
http://nwso.net Gemini

Noise puts me to sleep. I sleep with the tv on every night and if I roll over on the remote and turn it off, I roll back over and click it back on. I hate that dead silence. My father snored terribly, still does, so snoring doesn't bother me. The AC gives me a soar throat everytime. The a shower and the fan works for me. I don't eat broccoli if I'm sleeping out for reasons that were previously mentioned. HA!
PhoenixRising

I sleep with the fan on every night. And its not so much for the air as it is for the rhythm that the fan makes. i also have to have a dark room. I have a eye mask that helps with that. I did have one partner who would get sick when I kept the fan aimed at the bed, so I had to turn it towards the wall. I've never come across anyone with weird sleeping habits and I hope I never do. Loud snoring in a huge issue for me. Because I rely on that noise from the fan, snoring throws it all off. Gas isn't really an issue for me. I love to cuddle and I've never slept with someone who didn't.
Rastaman

I am going to presume the “Could you sleep with me?” portion is directed at the ladies…
I have had to train myself to sleep in one spot on my bed since suffering a back injury in the 90s; the preferable position is flat on my back. The ladies seem to find that extremely appealing, they have the option to lay on me and I generally never move throughout the night. I have been told I am an occasional snorer which I found out was a result of dripping sinus, easily remedied with an inhalant. I can’t sleep next to someone who snores, primarily because snoring is one of the rare noises that I cannot sleep through. Street noises and such are no bother but I can be a very alert sleeper so anyone getting in and out of bed too often can be a problem.
The one inevitability it seems of sleeping next to a woman is that she is going to be more susceptible to cooler temps. But covers in the summer are just not something I can manage especially as I am no big fan of the AC. Spending a night sleeping in AC makes me feel like I am drowning in my own head fluids, I prefer a ceiling fan, a window fan or compromising on the AC on fan setting.
Admittedly any change in my sleep routine would require some serious thought on my end, I have gotten a very precise sleep routine part of which is me not going to bed before 12, requiring a firm mattress and being able to lay in one spot throughout the night. Most other things outside of those I can usually work around since what people do in their sleep should generally stay in their sleep.
jaclynsd

“What’s your bedtime ritual(s)?” I take forever to fall asleep, so I do the most at night. Get clothes ready, lay makeup out, prepare meal for next day and so on. If you spend the night you’d probably be going to sleep real late. But hey I also like a lot of sex when I’m with someone so it may work out to my partners benefit.

“Would you consider loud snoring a deal breaker?” No, we’d get him something for it.

“What about someone who passed gas in their sleep?” I was asleep so thankfully I missed it. If I do it then hey I’m asleep so sorry but I’m human.

“Do you sleep with the TV or radio on?” None I need complete silence.

“Would you be willing to change your bedtime habits for the person you were sleeping with?” If I was really into them sure, like with anything you work something out.

“Are you a cuddler?” I’m w/Paulette_bajan I’m not much of a cuddler. That’s a little to suffocating when I sleep. If we were lying on the couch watching t.v then that’s cool but when sleep time comes around you’re on your side and I’m on mine.

“Ever dated someone that wasn’t?” Really wouldn’t know I’m not a big fan, so maybe I’m the one that wasn’t.

“Do you think that’s a sign of a lack of intimacy?” Depends on what you consider intimacy. If you measure it by touch then perhaps. But I’ve always thought of real intimacy as something you feel deep w/someone w/out even having to touch them or say a word. They just get you. I dated someone like that once.

“Could you sleep with me?” Hell nah lol You trying to wrap all your body parts around me would annoy me after a while. I’d probably end up talking to you in Spanish (jokingly of course) aste para alla enfadoso (scoot over annoying lol)
Enid Wilson

Think of the environment, boys, no switching on TV while sleeping! But fear not, I'm not that nice either. I like to switch on air conditioning or heater. And he likes to have them off! Urgh...

Chemical Fusion
http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com Tiffany

I can not sleep with the TV on at all. I usually set the sleep timer. My ex would sleep with the iPod on, usually playing Drake and I would beg for something mellow and often remind him that he was almost 40 and falling asleep to Drake was not cool.---at all---
http://nwso.net/ NWSO

Ohhh Spanish Si si muy lol (no clue what I just tried to say I took French)
http://blessednbabbling.wordpress.com Ashley

I'm a pretty average sleeper. I'm a light sleeper but I can still sleep if the tv is on, the light is on. I can even sleep if he snores. It really doesn't matter to me. My issue though is, I'm anemic and no matter what season it is I get cold at night. Sometime the sheet and comforter aren't enough so it would be a plus if he doesn't mind me sleeping under him
Maria

“In retrospect, it was probably a sign of other intimacy issues in that relationship, but that’s a topic for another blog (or book).”

That doesn t necessarily mean every women who doesn t like that has intimcy issues.I for one can t sleep when somebody is hugging me or whatnot.
I need to have the feeing that I can move freely but I m also no cuddler.All these magazines tell men that EVERY women wants to cuddle after you had some fun in the sheets and if you as a woman don t want it they don t get it.Cuddling is nice, sometimes.But I m more the Cynthia (SATC)- type.I don t like laying around in bed for hours cuddling.
Some men think it s a sign of you not liking them but those don t have a lot of confidence anyways and that s the end.
AGK

Ugh, cant sleep with the AC on either! I just need total quiet and darkness to be able to sleep. I guess i end up being the weird one, when people around me have no problem having the tv or lights on :-/
I cant stand snorers either, but you cant really win with that. Lol
At the end of the day, i dont mind cuddling or anything else of that kind, but if you want all the above i mentioned ON... Then i guess it wont work for long :-/
http://realestdudeintheroom.com Sean Mims

I don't like to be cold when I sleep. Waking up with a sore throat and sniffles is not hot. I also like to cuddle. That cuddling crap gets me in trouble. Women assume that if you cuddle with them, that you love them. It's best for me to get up and go sleep at my own house to avoid any confusion.
ThatOneAKA

My father was a horrible snorer (eventually had his tonsils removed and uvula trimmed- which helped some), thus snoring doesn't generally bother me. The one consistent trait of the gentlemen that I've shared sleep space with, is having a fan on FULL blast during the night! It "usually" works out as I am a snuggler and need to wrapped up in the bed linens. There are times though...
My own quirk is that I occasionally talk in my sleep...not mumbles, but full on clear conversations...a bit scary for those unaware, so I do warn people ahead of time
MsNikki0615

I dated a guy for almost a year who I literally could not sleep with. His snoring was so loud and so intense I literally at times would cry because I was so miserable and knew the morning would only be worse from lack of sleep. It got so bad one I jumped up and pushed him off the bed I was so mad *covers eyes in shame*. He was so upset he ended up sleeping on the couch...and while he slept on the couch I realized how quiet it was...he was no longer snoring. I jumped out the bed to figure out why now was he not waking the dead with his rachet snore, I realized because he slept on his back he would snore vs. sleeping on his side (the couch) he wouldn't. So everytime he snored I'd roll him on his side to give myself some peace for the night. In the end we ended things because I got tired of waking up in the middle of the night to roll his ass over.
http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

Confession: I fart in my sleep and have a tendency to snore(especially when I'm sick). Hey whomever is lucky enough to share my bed is going to have to deal with it. But when it comes to sleeping w/ someone else, I often worry about my snoring and possible farting. So worried in fact, I won't have a good night sleep while a man is in my bed.

I don't know how I'm going to behave when I finally settle down b/c I'm not good at sleeping with men. I'm never able to fully get comfortable and be knocked out sleep. Maybe if I had been drinking or incredibly tired, but even then I may still wake up in the middle of the night trying to watch how I turn, make sure I don't fart, and lay a certain way.
http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

What!? Maybe becaouse I'm a big girl I MUST sleep w/ the AC on! Because if I get too hot then I really can't sleep. Plus I like sleeping under the covers!
AGK

Lol, it gets REALLY hot where i live. And i still dont like the AC on. A fan is a must, especially during August, but that's it. AC dries my throat
AGK

LOL, i've always wondered "what happens when i get sick?" Omg, i'm terrified at the day when i will have to sleep at the same bed with a man while sick :-/ I'd rather not think about it. Lol, probably wont catch any ZZZs!
AGK

This was supposed to be a reply to the above comment (Marcia H)
http://sunnydelyte21.wordpress.com sunnydelyte21

I enjoy sleeping with someone makes me feel safe. I can deal with loud snoring people though. I mean let me go to sleep before you. LOL

I enjoy cuddling...but it has to be comfortable...not all crazy.

Thank God, I don't snore... I wish I could just to hear someone say "babe, you snore."

I can't sleep with an AC either..I can barely do a fan that is directly on me...I'm weird. LOL

I haven't broke up with someone due to sleeping arrangements.
http://sunnydelyte21.wordpress.com sunnydelyte21

damn....lol. Not all women believe that.
http://sunnydelyte21.wordpress.com sunnydelyte21

I'm pretty sure I could sleep with you...
http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

I live in good ol GA and it gets hot here! I can sleep with a fan but I preger AC. Now I have had AC blow in my face and get me sick but I still wouldn't cut it off! #GoFigure
http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com Marcia H.

Roommates have told me about my snoring! Especially when I'm sick! It's way worse! LOL! Who ever snatches me up truly loves me if he can put up with my "sick snoring"!
AGK

Haha, i guess you can call it an addiction
Lele

I absolutely have to sleep with the heat on. I have a heated blanket and a space heater on my bed, even in the summer... the hotter the better.