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Did You Know I Had a Son? (But I Returned Him)

Posted by NWSO • July 31, 2011 • Printer-friendly

I have a confession. Very few people know this but I had a son. His name was Patrick. I never got to see him in person but he was mine and I sent money for him every month. It was cool at first, but after about two years I decided fatherhood wasn't right for me at that point and I stopped sending payments. It's not something I'm proud of but he wasn't the kid I wanted for a son anyway so it had to be done. I know how bad that sounds, but hear me out.

Here's the back-story:

It was a few years ago when I was waiting for a date on West 4th Street. I was early as usual so I was standing on the corner when this cute Asian girl approached me, “Excuse me, would you like to help a child in need?”

I’m a native New Yorker and whenever a stranger approaches with some sort of sales pitch, my natural instinct is to shrug them off. “No thank you,” was my immediate response, regardless of how in retrospect that response seems a bit heartless.

“Come on, don’t be like that,” she continued. “Hear me out.”

Normally these street corner pitchmen/pitchwomen catch you when you’re en route to somewhere else but I was actually waiting for someone so it wasn’t like I could just leave. She wasn’t leaving either so I was stuck and forced to hear her spiel.

The girl’s name was Jan and she was a representative for Children International, “a humanitarian organization focused on helping overcome poverty through child sponsorship.” She showed me her work ID and pulled out a binder with all the pamphlets, stats and pictures on child poverty.

Jan went on and on about the program and how it only cost $22 to do so much, “and who doesn’t have $22 to spare?” Still, I knew I wasn’t interested. Problem was Jan didn’t know that and, worse yet, she didn’t care. She was a persistent pitchwoman and cute, and since I wasn’t going anywhere—at least not until my date showed up—I was a sitting duck.

Jan revealed that the $22 would be a tax write off for me and while they have children in sponsor counties throughout South America, Mexico and India, they had recently added Africa (Zambia) to the mix. After a couple minutes of pitching, I finally buckled.

“Okay, okay, I’ll donate,” I said, reaching into my pocket for my wallet. “Do you have change for a $20?”

“No, I need your credit card.”

“My credit card,” I paused. “What do you need that for? Why can’t I just give you the $22 and we call it a day?”

“Because we deduct $22 a month.”

“Aww, man, see you didn’t say all that. I thought it was a one-shot deal and that was it. I don’t know… I don’t like the idea of just giving my credit card info to some random girl on the street.”

“Here’s my ID and badge number,” she continued, holding up the plastic placard around her neck. “It’s totally legit, and here are other credit card forms I got from other people today. See, it’s all legit and you get a receipt.”

I paused for a moment longer and contemplated the pros and cons: This was for a good cause; it was only $22; it would help a kid in Africa; and I was still stuck waiting here for my MIA date. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it, but let me get a kid from Africa.”

Jan asked me a series of questions that she jotted down on the form and copied down my credit card info. When she was done she passed me the clipboard so I could sign and get my receipt. She thanked me for my support, told me I’d receive a package in the mail in about two weeks and she went along to her next victim generous citizen while I posted up on the corner, continuing to wait for my date.

A few moments later my phone rang and I saw my date’s name appear on the screen, at the same time I spotted her across the street. When we were finally face-to-face, I asked,” “Where were you? Because of you I just bought a kid.”

“What,” she replied, with a dumbfounded look on her face.

“I’ll explain over dinner,” I laughed.

Flash-forward a couple weeks and I come home from work to find a letter from Children International in the mail. After I sorted through the bills and other important stuff, I eventually got to the child sponsorship documentation. I opened it up and read the welcome letter and the name of my sponsored child, Patrick M. Bataller. There was also a picture attached and that’s when I got the surprise of my life…

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Pages: 1 2

Tagged as: adoption, Children International, third world country

paulette wiley

The thing I really don't like about those organizations is the fact that most of that money never reaches the kids.Check out the stats here for what the execs make http://www.squidoo.com/child-organizations .That's kinda fishy to me.And I think they discourage you from directly corresponding with the child cause it cuts out their share if you actually start sending the kid what he/she really needs.

Rah

Yes I agree, I too am aware of the statistics -- so much is "admin" fees. I knew a girl who was a sponsor kid although her dad was a Dr and they lived quite well in Kenya (they were Sudanese), which confirmed my concerns.
I do support charities where I know what is happening with my money. I have no issue with the right charities.

Vvjgv

Woow so you didn't want to help a kid who didn't " look" like you, smh newsflash poverty doesn't have a color and if your so hell bent on helping an African ( cuz you know you really have a connection to the motherland) you could spare your 22 dollars on some African "descendants" living in Bronx, brooklyn, queens and every other borough of NYC. Send me an African smffh

Anonymous

So you must have missed the part where I said I did support Patrick for two years. When given a choice of country I'd like to sponsor yes I chose the African country, because that was my choice. However there was a mix up and I got Patrick. And yes, keeping it all the way real I expressed my feelings when I saw that the country of origin I chose was not what I got, but as I also said I morally couldn't just say can I get another kid, please. Don't be mad at someone for being honest. It's not like I cut off Patrick solely because he "didn't look like me." Right or wrong, after two years I was done with the program, Patrick's country of origin had nothing to do with that decision.

Yousu k

Yeah but the fact that be didn't look like you was a factor which should not, and ps, just becausenyour being honest doesn't mean what your saying doesn't completely suck. Trying to cover up a horrible perspective under the guise of keepin it real.
Yousu k

Yeah but the fact that be didn't look like you was a factor which should not, and ps, just becausenyour being honest doesn't mean what your saying doesn't completely suck. Trying to cover up a horrible perspective under the guise of keepin it real.

Anonymous

I totally hear you but think you're misconstruing the chain of events. Yes my initial thoughts upon having a choice of a country of origin was to choose an African country given the options laid out for me. I signed up with that understanding. However, my selection was vetoed and given a child from another country. If they didn't give me a choice and I was told it was a random pick there would be no issue but I was given a choice and my choice wasn't upheld.
Secondly, I wrote honestly about how I felt at the moment when I was expecting something that I didn't get. I then stayed put with the child I got for a full two years. My decision two years later to exit the program had nothing to do with Patrick, his race or a mix up from 24 months earlier. Money was tight and I had reservations about the program (Not Patrick at that point) and diverted my funds to where I needed them to go.
So yeah my initial thoughts and issue may have been race based because they gave a choice, but my decision to leave two years later had more to do with personal finances than race.

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CaliDreaming86

I don't make time to listen to a sales pitch when I am on the street.
I would never in hell give my credit card information to someone on the street. Heck, I am hesitant to tell a stranger my name.
I've never heard of Children International.
I have never donated to a charity.
No, I would not consider adopting/sponsoring a child from a third world country.
What did I think about the story of your long, lost son? Eh, not interesting to me really. I only skimmed through the post.
http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ southernpoise

-----> “Did You Know I Had a Son? (But I Returned Him)”
Concerned me when I first read it … Great title btw. This was hilarious, and disturbing at that same time. Not disturbing on your part though.
“Because of you I just bought a kid.”
LMAO
“But I ordered a Black kid,” I said to myself out loud”
DEAD
“Still, in the back of my head (and wallet) I was never fully sold on the validity of where my $22 a month was going. ”
Ok, this was me too. Black kid or other. I have, in fact, sponsored a kid for a few months. Got the full package including pic and background. But I too, was never fully convenience if they were getting my assistance. So I eventually stopped. But I understand how you felt ‘robbed’, you did sign up to sponsor a African child, and that’s not what you got. So I don’t blame you, at all.
http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ southernpoise

-----> “Did You Know I Had a Son? (But I Returned Him)”
Concerned me when I first read it … Great title btw. This was hilarious, and disturbing at that same time. Not disturbing on your part though.
“Because of you I just bought a kid.”
LMAO
“But I ordered a Black kid,” I said to myself out loud”
DEAD
“Still, in the back of my head (and wallet) I was never fully sold on the validity of where my $22 a month was going. ”
Ok, this was me too. Black kid or other. I have, in fact, sponsored a kid for a few months. Got the full package including pic and background. But I too, was never fully convenience if they were getting my assistance. So I eventually stopped. But I understand how you felt ‘robbed’, you did sign up to sponsor a African child, and that’s not what you got. So I don’t blame you, at all.
http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ southernpoise

-----> “Did You Know I Had a Son? (But I Returned Him)”
Concerned me when I first read it … Great title btw. This was hilarious, and disturbing at that same time. Not disturbing on your part though.
“Because of you I just bought a kid.”
LMAO
“But I ordered a Black kid,” I said to myself out loud”
DEAD
“Still, in the back of my head (and wallet) I was never fully sold on the validity of where my $22 a month was going. ”
Ok, this was me too. Black kid or other. I have, in fact, sponsored a kid for a few months. Got the full package including pic and background. But I too, was never fully convenience if they were getting my assistance. So I eventually stopped. But I understand how you felt ‘robbed’, you did sign up to sponsor a African child, and that’s not what you got. So I don’t blame you, at all.
http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ southernpoise

-----> “Did You Know I Had a Son? (But I Returned Him)”
Concerned me when I first read it … Great title btw. This was hilarious, and disturbing at that same time. Not disturbing on your part though.
“Because of you I just bought a kid.”
LMAO
“But I ordered a Black kid,” I said to myself out loud”
DEAD
“Still, in the back of my head (and wallet) I was never fully sold on the validity of where my $22 a month was going. ”
Ok, this was me too. Black kid or other. I have, in fact, sponsored a kid for a few months. Got the full package including pic and background. But I too, was never fully convenience if they were getting my assistance. So I eventually stopped. But I understand how you felt ‘robbed’, you did sign up to sponsor a African child, and that’s not what you got. So I don’t blame you, at all.
Atinys

i got stopped a few weeks ago by someone...... i turned her down.... my first response was to tell her i already sponsor a needy kid....MY OWN.

Maybe once my own leave the nest i will consider doing it but not from someone stopping me on the street.... id do it via website....
Anonymous

I'm often in the Union Sq & Murray Hill/Chelsea areas so I always see those Children International people. I have a pretty serious mean mug so I never get harassed...
I would never give anyone my credit card info on the street and I don't believe the money that Children International collects actually goes to the children at all. I think they take some pics of cute kids and have interns write letters to folks who are donating.
When I saw Patrick, I thought he was Indian (so potentially Zambian born); either way I can understand wanting to support someone who looks like you. I think folks do that consciously and subconsciously.
http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan

I check out charitynavigator.org before donating. It has a lot of info including executive compensation, revenues, reviews from donors and a ranking system. Children International has an OK score, but the CEO takes in over 400k a year--more than what President Obama makes for dealing with the corporate machine in congress.

Mention that next time a cute Asian girl asks you for a donation. If she persists ask if you can make a payment by sliding your credit card down the crack of her ass. She'll leave you alone.

Anonymous

You sir are a FOOL. LMSO (laughing my socks off).

Been many years since a Asian girl with a smile could get me to sign on the line. Besides the Children International reps now are way more aggressive, which makes them easier to dislike. They camp out near my job area, sometimes right in front my building, and shout the oddest things. "Ohh, you're texting and walking, I've never seen that before... kinda dangerous.." Like really, that's supposed to make me like you? Besides, I can honestly tell them I already had one of your kids, here's his picture. #BAM
Anonymous

You sir are a FOOL. LMSO (laughing my socks off).

Been many years since a Asian girl with a smile could get me to sign on the line. Besides the Children International reps now are way more aggressive, which makes them easier to dislike. They camp out near my job area, sometimes right in front my building, and shout the oddest things. "Ohh, you're texting and walking, I've never seen that before... kinda dangerous.." Like really, that's supposed to make me like you? Besides, I can honestly tell them I already had one of your kids, here's his picture. #BAM

EntertainmentsFuture

I think the moment you saw that the bait and switch was pulled you should have called. But I can understand your resistance after seeing the letter. Had it been me that letter would not have pulled my heart strings. Anyone can get a kid to write a "heart felt" letter to a stranger, and keep it up for two years (they probably had templates lol).
http://twitter.com/Anklebuster Mitchell Allen

What Atinys said. LOL, I have 7 children of my own. Granted 4 are grown but, they're still needy!

I loved the way you told this story. I'm from Philly, so my
BS meter is permanently stuck in the red zone. There is no way I would have
done what you did. Except for the listening back part. In fact, since you
asked, here's my all-time favorite:

I was at a hotdog cart (this is relevant) just outside of
the Gallery, on 10th and Market. As I was returning my wallet to my front
pocket (security tip of the day, men), I was accosted by a gangly young man who
thrust a piece of paper in my face.

"Can you tell me how to get to Main Street?"

Oh no... "Listen, man, there's no Main Street in
Philadelphia. Are you lost? Are you looking for Manayunk?"

"I need to get to Main Street."

"Well, good luck with that. I can't help you." I
started walking away.

Gangly follows me for two blocks and tries a new tack:
"I need someone to go to the bank and make a large withdrawal for me. Can
you help? I'll pay you for your time." He whips out a fat wad of folded
paper money (honk if you've seen this one.)

Oh, HECK NO! "Gangly,
seriously, I don't have time for your games."

"No games, mon. I need you to do this, but you have to
show me American greens, first."

This is getting stupid. But suddenly, I see my way out.
Smiling apologetically, I whip out my wallet, open it up so the moths can
escape and shrug at Gangly, "I'm broke."

"What?!!! No American greens? You waste my time,
mon!"

Gangly walked away.

That's not what makes this the most favorite of my con
stories. This does:

I arrived on duty at 3 pm for the second shift at the Philadelphia
Police Department, where I was assigned to fingerprinting people who get
arrested.

Waiting in line to get printed was Gangly. The charge?
Disorderly conduct.

Cheers,

Mitch

http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ southernpoise

"What?!!! No American greens? You waste my time, mon!"

too funny.YOU wasted HER time lol.
http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ southernpoise

"What?!!! No American greens? You waste my time, mon!"

too funny.YOU wasted HER time lol.

Gemini

When Huricane Katrina demolished Louisiana, there were some white people in front of Juniors on Dekalb Ave taking a collection for the survivors and giving away slices of cheese cake. I pulled over and wrote a $100 check. I later found that there was no such organization although my check cleared. The white kids looked so nice and bright white with their t-shirts and sing song smiles. How could I not trust them. I will never again! Stinkin dirty rats! My money always goes to the children here. My children, my grandson, my little cousins, my godson or St. Judes Children's Hospital at least I know the children here are taken care of. I never did get my cheese either now that I think about it.
Gemini

When Huricane Katrina demolished Louisiana, there were some white people in front of Juniors on Dekalb Ave taking a collection for the survivors and giving away slices of cheese cake. I pulled over and wrote a $100 check. I later found that there was no such organization although my check cleared. The white kids looked so nice and bright white with their t-shirts and sing song smiles. How could I not trust them. I will never again! Stinkin dirty rats! My money always goes to the children here. My children, my grandson, my little cousins, my godson or St. Judes Children's Hospital at least I know the children here are taken care of. I never did get my cheese either now that I think about it.
Rastaman

Walking down a major Manhattan thoroughfare on most weekdays will often require you to run the gauntlet of all manner of street corner sales pitch persons: kids selling M&Ms for the basketball/football/_____ team; charities or underground rapper soon to blow up hawking CDs.   I have proven to be pretty adept at navigating them without being engaged.   I do not know Children International specifically but the pitch is reminiscent of that late night TV ad about sponsoring a child for less than a dollar a day.   It is an understatement to say I am wary of such pitches.   But then I am by nature a skeptic, so unless I can personally verify the authenticity of the charity, I generally just do not even offer my time.
I think it is incumbent on the giver to ensure a charity is utilizing their donations satisfactorily because if they are not then any unconscious giving is probably doing more harm than good.   Scam artist running charities thrive on givers not being too concerned about whether their donations have been effective or not.   Thus you were not wrong to be concerned that your donation was not utilized as you directed.   As consumers we make decisions daily about what products/brands or entities we support through our purchasing power and that same decision are made by charities and non-profits.   It determines why more funds support prostate cancer research than say cervical cancer research.   So no there is nothing wrong with you desiring your charitable contribution be spent in a certain manner unless policies of the charity clearly stated that you cannot personally direct your contribution.
I frequently donate to charities but I try to be very conscious of whom I send my money or goods and how they plan to use it. If I do not agree with their policies I do not donate to their cause.
Anonymous

The thing is to find ou their overhead rate. That is the percentage of money that does not go directly to the source. Anything over 50% is high.
Anonymous

The thing is to find ou their overhead rate. That is the percentage of money that does not go directly to the source. Anything over 50% is high.
Kim

You weren t wrong with wanting to support a child that you could relate to, that s natural.Obviously I would rather sponsor a Brazilian child than an African - why?Because I can relate to it. I think you were kinda wrong with cancelling the monthly payment because of that.
It seems strange that you kept the picture for so long.Why?You say you didn t quit because of his origin country, I m sorry but it reads that way. I understand that you and others have doubts if the money ever gets to the children or if it is just a scam.That s why I don t do it.

Anonymous

After two years I was done with the expense. Can't recall the timing but may have been one of the times when I was working at a regular 9-to-5 and had to cut back on any extra expenditures to make ends meet. Either way I was done. if it had been about Patrick's country of origin I would have quit long before I spent whatever 24 months x $22 equals. LOL

As for the picture, just feels funny to me to toss out someone's image. It also makes a good conversation starter. Mad times someone's been at my crib and is like why do you have a picture of an Asian kid on your dresser/desk/whatever?

da ThRONe

I have to say Ans I'm a little disappointed you made such a big deal out of the race of the kid. If a white person said or played it the same way we would be crying foul. We can't expect equality if we aren't willing to give it.

Anonymous

Hey they shouldn't have given me a choice if they weren't going to uphold it. That's more of the issue. If you ordered a white tux for your wedding and ended up with a pink one I'm sure you would be like hey this is not what I ordered. I kept the pink tux for two years, so where's the wrongness in that?

da ThRONe

Did you just compare a kid to a tuxedo? There's a huge difference between a object and a person.

Anonymous

LMSO I Knew you were going to say that, I actually deleted it from my comment just so you could say it.
Anonymous

Oh, and for the record I know that, I acknowledged the difference between a human being and an object in the post itself..

Mommy T-Rex

I dont stop for any charity biz on the streets on NYC . I find the whole credit card thing VERY suspect. I think poverty is poverty and helping children of any race is important. Any race. There is a couple (white) and they live around the corner from me, they have a child (black) they seem to have found it more important to help a child as opposed to wanting a specific race. Next time you want to give go to UNICEF, I do. The money gets put to good use.

Lawchick12

I donate to charities like Susan G. Komen and the American Cancer Society. but I usually donate my time and not my money. those other charities I don't mess with too much. the feed a child ones always seem like a scam.

rw

on the back of there tshirts, doesnt it say: jobs for actors or something like that?
those folks are like a gang
rw

on the back of there tshirts, doesnt it say: jobs for actors or something like that?
those folks are like a gang
rw

on the back of there tshirts, doesnt it say: jobs for actors or something like that?
those folks are like a gang
Kalu

How random I'm a frequent reader but rarely post, I just wanted to let you know I'm from Zambia currently in the UK and though you didnt get the kid you wanted, I went to a Catholic boarding school and there were quite a few pupils who were sponsored by the kind donations of people overseas and the guys had to write them letters every so often. Saying that though the charity volunteers (aka chuggers - charity muggers, I know not very nice) here in London are crazy, you can walk past one on a Monday petitioning for a donation to save the rain forest and on Tuesday the same person is now looking for a donation for Save the Children.
Kalu

How random I'm a frequent reader but rarely post, I just wanted to let you know I'm from Zambia currently in the UK and though you didnt get the kid you wanted, I went to a Catholic boarding school and there were quite a few pupils who were sponsored by the kind donations of people overseas and the guys had to write them letters every so often. Saying that though the charity volunteers (aka chuggers - charity muggers, I know not very nice) here in London are crazy, you can walk past one on a Monday petitioning for a donation to save the rain forest and on Tuesday the same person is now looking for a donation for Save the Children.
Kalu

How random I'm a frequent reader but rarely post, I just wanted to let you know I'm from Zambia currently in the UK and though you didnt get the kid you wanted, I went to a Catholic boarding school and there were quite a few pupils who were sponsored by the kind donations of people overseas and the guys had to write them letters every so often. Saying that though the charity volunteers (aka chuggers - charity muggers, I know not very nice) here in London are crazy, you can walk past one on a Monday petitioning for a donation to save the rain forest and on Tuesday the same person is now looking for a donation for Save the Children.

Anonymous

Ha! Small world indeed. Good to see you come out the shadows to comment. LOL. Just think if all had gone according to plan I could have adopted you. Lol
Thanks for sharing.
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Anonymous

Ha! Small world indeed. Good to see you come out the shadows to comment. LOL. Just think if all had gone according to plan I could have adopted you. Lol
Thanks for sharing.
Check My Interactive Business Card: http://flavors.me/anslem

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