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Are You Dating the Wrong People? (Grow Up Already)

Posted by NWSO • August 22, 2011 • Printer-friendly

I found myself involved in an interesting conversation with a couple of friends the other day. At some point, the female of the bunch was asked about her boyfriend. In speaking about him, she was quick to notate that he was a “great guy” and a “sweetheart.” She had actually known him for years, but they've only been dating for about six months.

When prodded about what took so long for them to become an item, she uttered something to the effect of, "He wasn't my type." More specifically she said, "He wasn't the kind of guy that I was into back then. He wasn't a dick."

"See, you grew up,” one of my boys responded. “Congratulations."

I think this kind of realization comes to both women and men at some point in their lives. We never know when we're going to "grow up" but hopefully it's sooner than later. As grown men we eventually realize that we can't trust a big butt and a smile, and as grown women y'all eventually stop lusting after the "dicks" of the world.

I had a conversation with another friend the other day about the same topic. I surmised that the problem for a lot of people is that they chase after pretty boxes instead of focusing on the contents of the box. A hot piece of manure is still a pile of sh*t no matter if you wrap it in Gucci gift paper or not. Just like a diamond engagement ring stuffed in a plain brown paper bag is still valuable.

This all falls in line with the old adage: You can't judge a book by its cover. So it doesn't matter how cute, diesel or well endowed a man is if he can't hold a simple conversation with you or make you laugh. Same thing goes for a pretty girl with a bangin' body that's dumb as 10 rocks. She looks good, but after that there's not much else.

So when do we grow up?

Honestly, it's hard to say. My best friend grew up when he found his wife. He said it was this thing called "love" that changed him. It's a nice theory, but I'd like to think there's more to it. I've found myself "in love" before (well, at least I think that's what it was) but that didn't stop me from making the same mistakes or totally new ones.

I think growing up is a combination of things; where you are in life, reaching a moment of clarity and most importantly timing. I truly believe meeting someone at the right time is the difference between them being your wife/husband or just another great mate. If the stars aren't aligned and you aren't in a place to appreciate him/her then it's not going to happen. Not then, but hopefully later.

The thing is though; can we speed up the process at all? Can we analyze our own behavior; recognize the errors in our "types" and step back from ourselves for a minute? In doing so we may discover why we’re drawn to the same problematic people wrapped in pretty packages while possible gems could be lying in one of the simple boxes in the background. Just because a car has a shiny paint job doesn't mean it's built to last. You got to check the tires and look under the hood to make sure it's ready for the long haul. Hey, maybe a test drive is in order before you make a final decision, but it always helps to use a little common sense. That's the only way you're truly going to grow up.

Congratulations.

Do you have a pattern in the type of people you date? How’s that working out for you? How long did it take for you to recognize who was right for you? Or, are you still trying to figure that out? Do women tend to like the “dicks” of the world when their younger? At what point do women grow out of that? Do men take longer to grow out of being superficial when it comes to dating? How long did it take for you to grow up and I’m not talking about age? Do you feel someone has to grow up before they can truly experience love? What did you think of the perspective in today’s post?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: dating, dating type, grow up, type

CaliDreaming86

There you are again with that female word. "Do women tend to like the “dicks” of the world when their younger?" Why are there so man men out there who are dicks?

CaliDreaming86

*Many
CaliDreaming86

*Many
CaliDreaming86

*Many

http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com Dewan Gibson

It took me a bit of time. Like most men I was always curious about every ass that passed, especially the ones you can see from the front. But when my girl pretty much gave her uterus up there and had to get her cooch stitched after giving birth, I calmed my ass down.
Enid Wilson

Why do we need to grow up? Staying young is the key, keep the love life exciting.

Every Savage Can Reproduce
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4MG5K7UOCYM7GN4TH462BH4BFI Clint Brantley

LOL, I have to say before I met my first love, every azz was an azz, I want to see in the flesh. Then I met my first love at age 19 and I didn't even notice her azz, but how fine she was and how her smile made me putty in her hands... I totally understood early that there is more to a woman than her body parts... This girl made grow up real fast...
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4MG5K7UOCYM7GN4TH462BH4BFI Clint Brantley

LOL, I have to say before I met my first love, every azz was an azz, I want to see in the flesh. Then I met my first love at age 19 and I didn't even notice her azz, but how fine she was and how her smile made me putty in her hands... I totally understood early that there is more to a woman than her body parts... This girl made grow up real fast...
Lonias

Growing up is directly related to the capacity to use experiences both as a mirror and as a magnifying glass. Mature people are able to see their contribution, good or bad, to their past and effect it has on the future and they can also appreciate the lesson. It is true, as you say NWSO, that it is NOT about age.

I think it's hardest to mature in matters of the heart, and I think it's hard for men and women equally. One of the hardest things to realize and come to terms with is to know that you and another person would be perfect for each other if only he or she would "grow up"...
Shequita B.

I went from dicks my age to older men only to find that the people I chose were just older "dicks." Im growing up when it comes to my choice in men. Im at the point where dependability and a man's ability to handle his own gets me hot and interested. A good conversation and laughter is what I need to keep me interested His looks, status and even money can fade away. If you like or love a person to their core all those things don't matter.

You def. have to grow to experience love for what it really is/can be. And I agree timing is everything!! There are plenty relationships that could have lasted if only the couple were on the same page at the same time...or atleast reading the same book
Shequita B.

I went from dicks my age to older men only to find that the people I chose were just older "dicks." Im growing up when it comes to my choice in men. Im at the point where dependability and a man's ability to handle his own gets me hot and interested. A good conversation and laughter is what I need to keep me interested His looks, status and even money can fade away. If you like or love a person to their core all those things don't matter.

You def. have to grow to experience love for what it really is/can be. And I agree timing is everything!! There are plenty relationships that could have lasted if only the couple were on the same page at the same time...or atleast reading the same book
Rastaman

When you are young, dating and still trying to figure out who you are and who you work best with, you experiment. Some physical type or personality type may offer the most excitement and even when that initial person is disappointing we then attempt to replicate the excitement with another person who displays similar traits.
But is that not just a preference?
The majority of people end up in relationship with people who come from a similar backgrounds all of which tends to influence what we like and how we conduct ourselves oftentimes that wrong person we dated really represents an attempt to break outside that box and discover difference or replicate that to which we are accustomed. It is not always best but a part of growing is knowing what works for you.
Some other folks get lucky and meet that one person early who excites them and they commit but there is no guarantee that too will last. Some people find the “one” early, later or never but I don’t think we can categorically say that is connected to personal growth or not. Maintaining a long term relationships is hard work and sometimes it just comes down to whether your partner is someone you can work with, you share the same value and aspire to the same goals. Something I can tell you is easier said than done.
GirlSixx

Well as for me, I am still enjoying the ebbs and flow of dating, I got married extremly young and now that I am single I am taking my time to enjoy my singledom. I really have no set specific requirements/preferences except that I need to be able to enjoy his company (he make me laugh) and be a good conversationlist because I like to talk about ANY and EVERYTHING.
jaclynsd

I was listening to the radio other day and the talk was about how our upbringing and how our experiences affect us and change us, and these two quotes came up…
“The unexamined life is not worth living” Socrates
“But for some the examined life is painful” Malcolm X
I can agree with both of these quotes. If we don’t examine ourselves and our faults how can we ever grow, but like Malcolm X said for some of us it may be too painful or our ego may not be ready to handle it. Of course these to quotes delve at something deeper but in a way they resonate here.
I def agree that timing is everything. Whether it be the right time for love or just time to grow up. Some may not have done that self examination, but for others love may have come and forced them to examine themselves and their bad choices in the past. I don’t think that age matters because how then do some find love so young and others don’t find love till later on in life. Maybe some were ready earlier, but maybe for some love was ready first, and they just needed to catch up J In either case my hope is, and not just for myself, but for all of us that when the time does come, or real love rather that we’re all ready and neither age or timing will matter. Kind of like what happen to Clint Brantley J
http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com Tiffany

Experiences are what will make someone grow up. My ex was 32 when we met and now he is 40 and it seems that since my mom got sick and passed away he is the man I wanted 8 years ago. Making sure I am in my right frame of mind is not even of concern because I am sad not crazy. Eitehr way, I watch him now and have over the past year and see a significant change. Not just from my circumstances, but also many of his own. i think that experience and life is what will make someone grow up...even when they don't want to.
Osirius

I think those interest we have early on are just showcases of our instincts. Women want an awesome conversation and guy who kiss up to them...so a guy who does the "bad boy" thing is responding to his failure with women when he was the "nice guy." So, I see it as people adapt to what works for them and something you grow into as you become more less naive.

As for rising above your past faults. I definitely agree that you learn to acknowledge the faults of your past choices in the people you were attracted to and what you were doing back then.

I'm still learning to understand the dating game.
Osirius

I think those interest we have early on are just showcases of our instincts. Women want an awesome conversation and guy who kiss up to them...so a guy who does the "bad boy" thing is responding to his failure with women when he was the "nice guy." So, I see it as people adapt to what works for them and something you grow into as you become more less naive.

As for rising above your past faults. I definitely agree that you learn to acknowledge the faults of your past choices in the people you were attracted to and what you were doing back then.

I'm still learning to understand the dating game.
Wmofyr

I wonder if this is like the chicken and egg thing. What comes first? Falling in love makes you grow up and get your mind in the right place. Or getting your mind right and growing up, facilitates falling in love.

I dont know. But surely one must be open to falling in love: There must be a decision to do so. And hopefully the other person is also willing. And the doubts must be at a minimum or are reasonable: Because impulsivity may be an issue for some.
Immaculate Dottie

I never thought beyond looks and financial status but when i meet my love,he didn't have the cash ,not much in the looks department but he got my attention and i can't think of a day i don't think about him.He keeps me grounded and interested.He was sent to make me grow up.