Could You Date Someone Who Never Called Just Texted?

0 Posted by - August 28, 2011 - Relationships, Love & Marriage

[dc]O[/dc]ver the course of the past week I’ve found myself embroiled in two conversations about texting. Both were with a group of women who hated men that used 140 characters or less as a way to “get to know” them.

Wait, is that so wrong?

People live hectic lives and sometimes it’s hard to get five minutes to grab lunch let alone talk on the phone. So what’s so bad about shooting a quick text or 15 to let someone know you’re thinking about them? Okay, I’m half-kidding but people do have less and less personal time these days and at the end of the day someone you’re “getting to know” is still technically a stranger until you, well, know them.

Speaking for myself, I use up way more text messages and emails on my monthly cell bill than I do actual call minutes. I’ve even found myself wondering if I could just get a data plan and cut the actual phone service off my cell. I don’t even answer my work phone and my voice mail leaves specific instructions to email me because I don’t answer my phone and I won’t check the voice mail. Honestly, I don’t even know how to. On the rare occasion someone actually gets me on the phone I’m usually dead in the middle of something and tell them to email whatever it is they’re talking about so I can reply when my attention is there.

I don’t mean to be anti-social but I can process and comprehend emails, IMs, texts and tweets better than phone calls. Partly because I’m a bad listener when I’m distracted but also because it’s just easier that way. With so many things going on multi-tasking is a way of life for most and having my words sent out through the airwaves allows me the freedom to edit a story, eat lunch, take a bathroom break while I wait for the reply to my “conversation” via text.

This may work for established relationships and work, but I can see how not talking can be frustrating to a woman that’s into the idea of being courted. For the record, smiley faces and LOLs are not substitutes for face-to-face dialogue and the sound of an actual laugh. I mean, honestly, how many times do you write LOL and actually laugh out loud? #Exactly

Hectic schedules aside it appears that social media is making us less social in the general sense. We talk at (or in some cases “@”) each other instead of to each other. While I have met and dated women I’ve met online, it was more of an organic way of getting to know one another:

We’d exchange a few messages on the site of choice here and there, gauging each other’s grasp of the written word and proper diction. Then, progress to personal email addresses and IMs, where instantaneous communication can be tested. Basically, seeing if those articulate email messages can be crafted in a matter of seconds or only possible thanks to the time delay of email. Then, after a certain level of trust has been established I’d offer up my number to have one of those into the wee hours of the night phone conversations, which—if all goes well—would lead to a face-to-face meeting.

In essence that process allowed me to know a woman better—without the distractions of her physical—before meeting her. Still, that’s different than the scenarios my female friends were experiencing. They’d meet guys in various setting, exchange numbers and he’d never call—only text.

I can see how that can be annoying.

Back in the day, before there was thing known as texting, people got phone numbers to talk but somewhere along the line the game changed. Or, more specifically the technology changed, allowing the ability to send messages without vocalizing the words. That’s cool in small doses and moments where you can’t talk, but as the sole means of communication for someone you just met, that kind of sucks.

As busy as I can get and how convenient a text can be (“Hey, I can’t talk, busy at work, but you crossed my mind. Hope you’re well”) I find the best form of communication is face-to-face. It’s the times when I’m not “plugged in” and am just in the moment that the best connections are made. Sure you can flirt or even sext through your phone, texting is not courting. So as a message to the fellas (and a few ladies): Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby.

Is dating someone who only texts a turn off for you? Do you think that people can really get to know each other if they only talk through social media? Has social media made interpersonal communication more difficult? Do you text more than you actually talk on the phone? Is being busy a good enough excuse for not calling someone? Or are you from the school of thought that people make time for the people they’re really interested in? Have you ever sexted someone? Does texting give people a false sense of communication?

Speak your piece…

  • http://twitter.com/veralynmedia Ms. Veralyn

    This really hit a nerve for me because I just ended something over this nonsense! He’d send texts constantly– but would never call. Or if he did call it would be quick-“I’m about to get on the train” calls. And even after I mentioned that not having real conversations in between us seeing each other was a problem for me– he made no effort to try. And I think that’s the part that hit the nail in the coffin for me– because he wasn’t respecting something I said was important to me. Everyone is busy- but you make time for things that are important to you.

    • http://twitter.com/DarlingNiq Nicole M. Peters

      I have to agree with you.  There was a guy that I knew for awhile but we never decided to get to know each other romantically until a few weeks ago.  Mind you, we reconnected via facebook so, at first the conversations were via fb chat, which comes to our phones when we’re away from laptops.  But after a time, we exchanged numbers and he would never call.  He would mack and say all of the cute shyt via text message but when I would call him, it would be crickets.  At first I thought, well, he doesnt like opening up verbally and its easier to text, but that is a cop-out.  I Like you said Ms. Veralyn, real conversation is paramount–it helps me to decipher your sincerity to what “THIS” is…I can’t get that from an “LOL-smiley face”…Grow up and learn the fundamentals! Communication (with your mouth) is key!

    • http://twitter.com/DarlingNiq Nicole M. Peters

      I have to agree with you.  There was a guy that I knew for awhile but we never decided to get to know each other romantically until a few weeks ago.  Mind you, we reconnected via facebook so, at first the conversations were via fb chat, which comes to our phones when we’re away from laptops.  But after a time, we exchanged numbers and he would never call.  He would mack and say all of the cute shyt via text message but when I would call him, it would be crickets.  At first I thought, well, he doesnt like opening up verbally and its easier to text, but that is a cop-out.  I Like you said Ms. Veralyn, real conversation is paramount–it helps me to decipher your sincerity to what “THIS” is…I can’t get that from an “LOL-smiley face”…Grow up and learn the fundamentals! Communication (with your mouth) is key!

    • http://twitter.com/DarlingNiq Nicole M. Peters

      I have to agree with you.  There was a guy that I knew for awhile but we never decided to get to know each other romantically until a few weeks ago.  Mind you, we reconnected via facebook so, at first the conversations were via fb chat, which comes to our phones when we’re away from laptops.  But after a time, we exchanged numbers and he would never call.  He would mack and say all of the cute shyt via text message but when I would call him, it would be crickets.  At first I thought, well, he doesnt like opening up verbally and its easier to text, but that is a cop-out.  I Like you said Ms. Veralyn, real conversation is paramount–it helps me to decipher your sincerity to what “THIS” is…I can’t get that from an “LOL-smiley face”…Grow up and learn the fundamentals! Communication (with your mouth) is key!

    • text hater

      I just dumped a guy over text, he never called once, all he does is send text. Text once in a while is cute, but always and only text is irritating. I had told him I hate text messages, I rather talk over the phone. He still sends texts, as if I talked to the wall, haven’t been answering anymore, and he wants to know why. I repeat for the 3rd time if you want me, find the time to call, or I will not text back. he writes but I am at work… You don’t work all day long, if you can’t find the time to call just find someone else. I am tired of these guys that can’t take out the time to make a phone call. either they are too cheap or they don’t know how to hold a real conversation.

  • Older & Wiser

    You make time for the things that are important to you! Enough said! If you are interested in me, come after me in the way that gets my attention NOT what’s most convenient for you! I’m the prize that you are pursuing so come at me in the way I’m coaching you to!

    • http://spinsterscompass.wordpress.com Spinster

      Exactly.  Otherwise, get the hell outta here. 

    • Osirius

      O.o. As long as you are willing to do the same for him/her….this cool. But if you are demanding him to notice your signals and hints…then you’re bound to run into miscommunication. 

  • CaliDreaming86

    When I am not interested in a guy, I text him only if he texts me, never return his phone calls, and don’t answer when he does call.  

    Yes, I do text more than I talk on the phone because I hate talking on the phone, which is why I never ask people for their phone number or offer my to anyone. 

    No, I have never ‘sexted’ someone, and don’t ever plan to. Texting isn’t a ‘false sense of communication’ as it is a form of communication. It’s just a way for people to communicate with others without being too involved depending on who they are texting.

    • Osirius

      Sure, but it is too impersonal. you can text one thing with one intent….but come off as saying something else. #JustSayin

    • Osirius

      Sure, but it is too impersonal. you can text one thing with one intent….but come off as saying something else. #JustSayin

    • Osirius

      Sure, but it is too impersonal. you can text one thing with one intent….but come off as saying something else. #JustSayin

    • Osirius

      Sure, but it is too impersonal. you can text one thing with one intent….but come off as saying something else. #JustSayin

  • http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

    IDK. Im a little on the fence about the whole topic. Im of the age where i’ve experienced talking on the house phone (with a cord lol) and 100% text convos being the norm. So for me either or is fine…to an extent. Im not really a phone person so i try to maximize on the opportunities to have face-to-face and skype interaction. But im also a huge texter. Even if im not doing anything, my first inclination will be to text/chat with you rather than call. But there are still times when talking on the phone is more appropriate than texting. 

    The only time i really see an issue is if one person has expressed that texting isn’t their thing yet their boo continues to do it anyway. And “being busy” is never a good excuse for not picking up the phone every once in a while. If its important to you, you will make time for it. Point blank period.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ljmaggie.author Lj Maggie

    I am dating a guy who only texts. We have talked a couple of times on the phone after we meet but communication now when we are not together is strictly texting. When we do see each other in person we have great conversations. Sometimes even picking up from where a text conversation ended. We are both busy people and texting lets us enjoy our face to face time even more. 

  • http://moacn.wordpress.com/ Sir Fariku

    Yeah, I m more of a text/IM Person. I do text and face to face convo pretty well. I dont do too well speaking on the phone. Go figure.

  • Lonias

    Timely! That is all…

  • http://twitter.com/novelty718 JC

    I’m not a phone person. If a guy wants to get to know me we can have a conversation face to face. Small talk and dead silence can be a killer over a phone. It can lead one to believe that the person you are trying to get to know is either bored with you or the conversation.
    Texting allows people to multi-task. It let’s someone know that at that moment they were thinking of you.
    At some point I will want to hear a guy’s voice over the phone. Because I am curious and at certain times a phone call works better.
    No texting shouldn’t be the only way you communicate but I’m fine if it is one of the main ways.

  • http://twitter.com/novelty718 JC

    I’m not a phone person. If a guy wants to get to know me we can have a conversation face to face. Small talk and dead silence can be a killer over a phone. It can lead one to believe that the person you are trying to get to know is either bored with you or the conversation.
    Texting allows people to multi-task. It let’s someone know that at that moment they were thinking of you.
    At some point I will want to hear a guy’s voice over the phone. Because I am curious and at certain times a phone call works better.
    No texting shouldn’t be the only way you communicate but I’m fine if it is one of the main ways.

  • Albert Powell

    I grew up just before texting became popular. The whole “two-way” phenomenon seemed like a fad until it became in integral part of smart phones. When I was younger I was not good at social interaction but I had no choice but to talk face to face, use the phone, or send an email (which was not as fast as texting since people generally checked email on computers at the time). Because of my lack of social skills I put a lot of time into learning how to talk to different types of people and how to deal with different personalities. So I am finally ready to talk on the phone but nobody wants to talk in real time anymore….lol. Texting is too slow, I have things to talk about or debate and need to run them through in depth. Tiny texts can’t contain my thoughts and I’m not sending 30 texts at a time. I prefer texting as a way to send FYI kinds of info that doesn’t need to be responded to, or quick confirmations such as…. “Is our meeting still at 12?”…. “Yes it is”.

  • Osirius

    Very interesting topic. I’m an advocate for phone conversations. I’ve utilized the text game but it lacks on thing that clues me into a woman’s true sentiment: The body language. I need to feel you out as a person, not a screen with phrase popping up. By hearing from you, I can see what your saying and feel you out. See whether you’re choosing up on me or being polite. 

    Because to a degree texting is much easier than being vocal. It’s much easier to type something than speak your mind and say it. Hence, people go from being in the flesh to having facebook /twitter relationships. 

  • Litabia

    IMO every situation varies in the type of interaction I give. Sometimes I can talk on the phone with a specific person for hours about everything but sometimes the text convos are more inviting. I don’t despise a person for only texting sometimes that’s the only way they can get through. I do however hate reading text and the person can’t spell or use slot of Internet jargon like “lol” and etc. That’s how you don’t get a reply or a very dry response.

  • http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ southernpoise

    It can be frustrating when you’re dealing with someone who only text. Although I sometimes feel I’m a lot freer in conversation when I’m writing, just can get out more of my thoughts out. But in a courtship process, I’d rather have phone or face to face conversation. I understand people have busy lives. But if you took the time to take my number, then mke use of it for it’s original purpose, to talk, not text. A cute text here and there to let me know you’re thinking about me is one thing. But I don’t want a full blown conversation over text. Something dragging out for hours, that could take all of 5 minutes to talk. Not to mention, you really can’t tell how much someone is into you, if they are only texting.  To me a text is for randoms, not someone of importance, if that’s all you do. Not to say you can’t text someone of importance. But I talk to most people who mean something to me.

  • http://thesunk.blogspot.com The Hallway

    I hate talking on the phone actually because I am ausually on the move or distracted. Face to face is the best communication for me. I like that real time, it allows me to get that organic response during convo. I do believe you can get to know someone through social media. After doing so, you can meet in person to see if there is any chemistry.

    However, cold pursuing or approaching a woman in person is usually the most fun. That’s what men are suppose to do. That’s what we as people are suppose to do, organic interaction is what shapes character.

  • http://thesunk.blogspot.com The Hallway

    I hate talking on the phone actually because I am ausually on the move or distracted. Face to face is the best communication for me. I like that real time, it allows me to get that organic response during convo. I do believe you can get to know someone through social media. After doing so, you can meet in person to see if there is any chemistry.

    However, cold pursuing or approaching a woman in person is usually the most fun. That’s what men are suppose to do. That’s what we as people are suppose to do, organic interaction is what shapes character.

  • http://thesunk.blogspot.com The Hallway

    I hate talking on the phone actually because I am ausually on the move or distracted. Face to face is the best communication for me. I like that real time, it allows me to get that organic response during convo. I do believe you can get to know someone through social media. After doing so, you can meet in person to see if there is any chemistry.

    However, cold pursuing or approaching a woman in person is usually the most fun. That’s what men are suppose to do. That’s what we as people are suppose to do, organic interaction is what shapes character.

  • ATLs.Marc.of.Excellence

    I’m going through this right now, except she’s the texter and I’m the talker.  We’ve been slowly getting to know each other since about May.  Taking it slow, and I’m fine with that because she truly does have a extremely hectic schedule and it has taking some accommodating on my part.  Albeit we have had some truly long, insightful conversations via text from jump.  So at one point I was wondering if she would be a mute in person.  Turns out the face to face communication is on point as well.  I have told her that I’d rather talk, and don’t mind if she calls me extremely late, but it just seems as if she’s more of a texter… with everybody.  So I ain’t taking it personal… anymore.

  • http://addfyahandstir.wordspress.com derevolushunwidin

    Hmmmm… Does gchat count as texting? I love IM conversations for people that I’m already familiar with and like but always a supplement to the phone conversations. I don’t mind getting to know you over email but if I like and it’s going somewhere you I need to hear your voice.

  • http://addfyahandstir.wordspress.com derevolushunwidin

    Hmmmm… Does gchat count as texting? I love IM conversations for people that I’m already familiar with and like but always a supplement to the phone conversations. I don’t mind getting to know you over email but if I like and it’s going somewhere you I need to hear your voice.

  • Anonymous

    Once you feel like there’s too much texting, chances are there has been. Pick up the phone, change the status quo. Suffice it to say when a woman isn’t calling you, they have relegated you to “not that serious” status. A woman will make the time for the things she wants or cares about, unless they have REALLY hectic lives.

    If I’m not calling a woman, that means I either don’t care or someone else is calling and Im forgetting about you- actually going through that right now. Let the chips fall as they may, but at least make the effort to show you were trying to keep them at the forefront. If you know you are not saying nothing, why would anyone even bother with you- and that goes both ways.

  • lawchick12

    I used to like to talk on the phone more til I was with my boo longer. Texting is easier and usually more private (unless your phone is dumb and sends messages to the wrong people #stupidsmartphone). It allows me to send a quick thought during the day when I’m at work and can’t email since I’m on the phone talking all day as part of my job. I reserve the phone convos for my parents and other family members. The boo and friends get the text messages, plus I can respond to a text faster because I’m able to think about what I want to say ;)

  • Jason Howe

    Pretty much the only way I communicate… you call and you will hear a distracted person as I am always doing something else. So maybe when we first meet, but damn I will let you know quick that the phone is not my thing, come see me or text me!

  • Jason Howe

    Pretty much the only way I communicate… you call and you will hear a distracted person as I am always doing something else. So maybe when we first meet, but damn I will let you know quick that the phone is not my thing, come see me or text me!

  • http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com Tiffany

    II dated a fool like this and the ish is wack. Enough said.

  • Wmofyr

    If we doing plenty face-to-face, then you can text me all day. Phone convo is for the late evening, or occasionally during the day. But if he says he misses me, he better act like it too (come see me or call me tonight or the next, and there better not be crickets), otherwise things just not kosher in my book. All my text is real to me, so he better be real with his. Some men do sound like they making the rounds, going through the motions, without really “connecting” or something.

  • http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/ sunt97

    I was getting ready to write something on this.  Actually I still am.  Anyhoo, I am notorious for texting.  I know I should be better than that especially if I am trying to go out with you.  I just finding texting breaks the ice easier for me.  Eventually I do call but in the mean time just deal with it.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate,
    Tiffany

  • Lilly

    maybe they dont want to run out of minutes or something like that