Why Don’t More Women Get Married Before Having Kids?

Damn you ask a lot of questions, lol

OK, from a male, here goes…

1. Yes, marriage should still be what
is striven for…. 2. Committed relationships are great, but why not marry the
person… 3. I consider it every time I am in the act, and as I have gotten older
I have become more selective… 4. Yes (male or female, they show a discipline I
don’t have)… 5. Nope, at least you tried to do it the right way… 6. Yes, because
they allow themselves to be baby mommas. The term alone conjures up images of
some used goods… 7. They don’t tend to get off the hook, they just have the
option of not being around so they are not the ones seen pushing the stroller,
with two more ducklings following behind while their ring finger remains empty…
8. Big difference, single mother makes me imagine a woman who made a mistake
with some dude but she is still pushing to get the most out of life. Baby Momma
I think of some ghetto chick that is cool that he smashes other broads cause at
least she has a child for him J…
9. Yes, if its an either or… yes, give the child a two parent household… 10.
Yes, I see a lot more baby showers then weddings, sad shit… 11. Not excited,
but I hope some females see the way she went about it and see it as the right
way…

Do you feel that people should ideally have children only in a marriage? What if it’s a committed relationship?
I feel it’s better for the child in the long run to be born in a marriage, the ultimate commitment.  A “committed relationship”, still has no REAL strings attached. Statistics show children in 2 parent home function better in society than single parent homes. Although marriages sometimes fail, it’s more likely you will work at a marriage than a committed relationship, thus a better chance of staying together longer, hopefully for life, to build a overrall better foundation for your child.

 How often do you consider whether or not the people you choose to sleep with are parent material? Honestly, probably not as much as I should. Well, that is, in the past. Don’t have to worry much about that NOW… factory is closed. Lol.

Do you have more respect for women that wait until marriage to have kids? Does it even matter if the marriage ends in divorce?
I do respect a woman who waits til after marriage to have kids. It’s refreshing to see the “correct order of events”.  I’m not saying I respect her more or less than someone who didn’t wait.  It’s just the way it should be, as the tradition and “bible” goes.  Wish I had of waited. I had 1 child prior to marriage, 2 after marriage. My first was not my husband’s. We did end in divorce, not messy, but divorce nonetheless. He’s still much apart of my children’s lives, as much as he can be 1000 miles away. We live in 2 different states, my choice, I left.  It hasn’t been easy for me being a single mom of 3, but my children didn’t/don’t have a rough life, and they are well rounded, great kids, no real issues.  But I know things would have been a lot different for them, had we remained together, if we could have worked out our differences.

Do you feel that “baby mamas” are always under attack? Is there a difference between a baby mama and a single mother?
I’d like to think there is a difference between babymama and single mother, in name alone, the fact is they are both single. The difference is the concept. That babymama’s have no real commitment to the “babydaddy”, and most times end up without any commitment at all, which any follow up relationships, could lead to other “babydaddies”.  Notagood look.  I feared that myself being a “babymama” with my first child. I did end up with 2 different “fathers” for my 3 children, but I ended up married before I had other children after my first. Not to say I’m better in anyway. But societal thinking and to the bible toting congregation I’m “better off” because I married. Even though I’m now divorced, and no longer with my children’s father, I don’t see myself as a “babymama”. I consider myself a single mother. 2 of my children were born into a marriage not a single state. My son, who was 5 months prior to meeting my soon to be husband at the time, grew up in that marriage, and since 5 months old, my husband was and still is his “father/daddy”.  If you want to call me “babymama” because of my son, well I’ll take that, since his sperm donor and I didn’t make it pass my 5 month pregnancy. But I consider myself a single mom.  

 If I remarried and could have more children, would I see myself different with 3 different fathers just because I got married?(my own question)  I don’t know if it really is any different, than a single woman never married and 3 babydaddy’s.  My cousin had 3 kids, 3 different men, 2 marriages. Maybe it’s the number of men that matters. You decide.
 
Why do the “baby daddies” tend to get off the hook? Society expects "a man to be a man", and woman to be smart. Athough there is obviously 2 involved in the "sinful" deed, it's the woman who carries the burden, LITERALLY, carries the child. So she's the one that suffers the attack. Mama's baby, daddy's maybe(cause he doesn't have a child on his hip all the time).  And then if you see him with his child, he's getting praise  for being a "good dad". WTF? 

Studies show. Kids raised by Single Parent Mothers have 10 times the chance of becoming a criminal than their counterpart

Studies show. Kids raised by Single Parent Mothers have 10 times the chance of becoming a criminal than their counterpart

I think the one thing that we can all conclude from this is the fact that no matter who you are, relationships, marriage, and children are not always cookie-cutter simple. There are thousands of situations that people can be in.

My mother was on birth control when I was conceived, so the way I see it is that my parents did their part. However, I was conceived anyways and my parents married after I was born and divorced before I could even remember them being together. The only time there was a question about abortion, it was because my mother was also taking accutane at the time, which causes severe birth defects. There was a concern that I would develop without a brain, but my parents took that chance and everything worked out fine. But I know my father and my parents are not enemies even though they get on each others' nerves sometimes. My mother did become a "single mother," but I don't believe she became a "baby momma" because she and my father did get married and now their relationship is ex-husband/ex-wife. To me, the term "baby momma" insinuates that there no love or marriage or any of that mushy stuff was involved. My interpretation is that a "baby momma" and "baby daddy" are two people who never intended to have a child together but did and never intended to marry afterwards. (If they did, wouldn't the term ex-wife/ex-husband just be used rather than creating a new term?)

I also don't feel as thought the divorce was "detrimental" to my way of life as a child. In fact, the divorce was the absolute least of my worries because not only did I not remember my parents ever being together, I also grew up in an environment where that was "my norm." I was aware that other children's parents were still married, but I just grew up thinking that every family looks a little bit different from one another and certain differences don't make families any less "good."

However, I do think that society places way too much pressure on women to "note the order." The way I see it is that there is a plethora of reasons why people have children before marriage. I believe that either one or even both parties can be at fault when things don't go "as planned." I think that it should be acknowledged that both sexes deserve a little more credit. Yes, there are some women who "spread their legs wide open without protection," however, that is not the story of many single mothers. And while the classic story is "man gets woman pregnant and then runs out on her, never to be seen again," I'm sure there are plenty men that have taken responsibility for their actions. But again, there are people that don't take responsibility and don't weigh the consequences before sex. On the other side, there are also some people who are in committed relationships who have children, but do not get married for a variety of reasons. Maybe they are a heterosexual couple who feels as though marriage really is just a piece of paper and don't feel like they need to get married. Maybe they are a homosexual couple who cannot legally wed as of yet, which technically would make them "single parents" if they chose to adopt, undergo artificial insemination, or have a child through a surrogate. 

But the facts are that everyone has their "ideal" of how their love and parenting lives will go. It doesn't always happen that way for whatever reason. It's not fair to judge or generalize when so many factors could have played a hand, which is the primary reason why this tweet was unfair to single mothers and the fathers of their children. The fact of the matter is that the only relationships that people should worry about is their own. I mean... unless some terrible violent, abusive, life-threatening thing is happening to someone you love and if you don't act, someone will end up hurt or dead, but that's a different story. It's just the same thing that I have told to insecure friends who have gotten upset with me for not thinking their boyfriends are attractive: It doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks. It's what you think about your own situation that counts.