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Are You Dating Like an Adult or Just Wasting Time?

Posted by NWSO • September 26, 2011 • Printer-friendly

Last week I had the pleasure of being a guest (again) on the Table of Truth podcast. As part of the guys’ (Pope, Cam, Ant & Duane) ongoing 30+ series, the topic of the evening was dating like an adult. I, alongside author Charles DeVeaux of Love Rules, was charged with tackling the issue.

What was supposed to be a 45-minute conversation turned into an hour-and-a-half long dialogue that was informative, entertaining and most importantly educational. Charles, married, and myself, recently engaged, provided a good counterbalance to the all-single hosts.

For the most part, my stance on what it means to date like an adult is to date with a purpose. A lot of people may assume that purpose is marriage, but while that can apply for some I don’t believe that has to be the outcome of every adult relationship. When I say dating with a purpose I mean that you have a clear understanding of what you want and don’t want. That means being honest with yourself and the people you’re romantically involved with and not bogging yourself down with pointless relationships. We’ve all been there where we date someone who deep down in the back of our minds and hearts we know is not right for us but we stay because it feels good in the now or we’re jus too scared to be alone.

That’s not dating like an adult.

Secondly, age has nothing to do with dating like an adult or even being an adult for that matter. Just because someone reaches the age of 30 doesn’t mean they’re able to handle a mature relationship. We all hope we’re able to by that point but the reality is there are a lot of grown ass kids running around. People who aren’t honest about their emotions, don’t know how to communicate, and just looking for love (or in most cases lust) in all the wrong places.

If you’ve followed this blog for a minute you know that I don’t like carrying the title of “relationship expert,” I prefer relationship consultant because I’m just a man with an opinion and you can choice to take my advice or not. At the end of the day I’m no different than any of you in that I’m still figuring things out as I go. The only ones that I consider to be true relationship “experts” are those that have been married successfully for a long time, that’s why it was good to hear Charles’ perspective on the intricacies of married life—a path I’m currently on and hope to master soon enough.

Other highlights from the discussion included the importance of “me time” in a relationship; the difference between instant chemistry and building chemistry; whether or not men have a marriage clock; how dating changes in your 30s; along with a host of other topics. Click here to check out the podcast episode or just press play below.

How do you define dating like an adult? Do you believe in dating with a purpose doesn’t have to mean marriage? Do you think there’s a point to dating someone if you’re not looking for something long-term? How many grown ass kids have you dated? Are you one of them? Do you/did you imagine your dating life changing at the age of 30? If so, how? Are you more likely to trust dating advice from someone in a happy relationship than someone who’s single? How important is “me time” in a relationship? Do you think men have a marriage clock? Are you dating like an adult? If you checked it out, what did you think of the Table of Truth podcast?

Speak your piece…

Tagged as: 30+, Dating like an Adult, love, Marriage/Love, Table of Truth

Anonymous

IMO dating like an adult is being responsible with your own and your partner's feelings and being respectful. Being an adult often sucks. Eating your broccoli = paying your bills before partying = walking away from a great person when you're obviously not going in the same direction, but you really, really, would like to be with him.

I've always dated with purpose, and that purpose was to find a marriage partner. But I'm not sure my way is best for everyone. I'm kind of an intense person. Personally I see no point in dating "for fun". I will get attached or drop you quickly once I no longer see future potential.

All dating advice is taken with a grain of salt. In the end, we just gotta find someone with the same foibles or is tolerant of our particular flaws and vice versa. There's no one recipe for love or magic key to success. But there's a lot to learn from everyone.
da ThRONe

I would say being honest with yourself about yourself, and your wants/needs from the other person. Like you said your dating purposes isn't nearly as important as understanding exactly what your purpose is and sticking to it.
Anonymous

Completely off topic, but I didn't know what Charles looked like from his name but when I heard his voice I almost fainted. That man has a foine voice. Sounds so mature and experienced. I love it!
Storyofawoman

One big thing that I have encountered with men, or should I say "grown kids" is that they are so afraid of commitment that they can't even commit to dating. I have heard so many times the "go with the flow thing" that it makes me sick, which means that I don't want any strings or expectations put on me so that I can come and go as I please and still get some ass from you..... People are shying away from any sort of expectations these days, but they want the good things that comes with being with someone for next to nothing. I think dating like an adult means to go out and get to know another person, making dates and keeping them, calling if you can't make it, calling and talking to person during the week (not just texting them). I can't do the go three weeks without hearing from someone and still be interested in them. It's not about me keeping tabs on people, it's about maturity and being considerate. People wouldn't miss a day of work without calling in, just saying..................
Storyofawoman

Dating like and adult is doing just that-dating. People are hooking up, getting into bed, moving in, getting pregnant, all under 30-60 days. No one simply goes out anymore, just to hang out, talk, kick it, whatever......maybe that's why people are afraid of commitment. People rush into things, lock themselves with the other person before getting to really know them, and then when it's time to end to relationship people got all these things in the way (kids, bills) and some people never really do leave. If people were to take time to just date without changing their addresses and stop using birth control, I think people would have better luck........
SoTrue

Dating like an adult is first knowing what you want and
being able to articulate it. Some people, men in particular will tell a woman in
a NY minute that he’s not interesting in being in a relationship. I guess that means he just wants to hook-up
and satisfy is sexual desires. Kudos to those who makes that known up
front. Well, let get to the point. Dating like an adult means getting to know
someone…that takes time. In many cases
the way a person treats you, responds to you, and interacts with you will be a
bit different that it was during the first 30 or 60 days. As you get to know someone, you learn about
what you may or may not have in common, do you share similar views about life,
finances, relationship, etc. Those are biggies, finances in particular, as it’s
one of the biggest contributing factors in divorces. A person’s reasons for dating ultimately
determines if he or she will date like an adult. If a person is just interested
in sex, you could forget about it. If a
person wants to get to know you, he or she will treat you respectfully, spend
time with you, get to know you, and hopefully come to a point where he or she
cares for you.
Anonymous

Thanks for the plug A. I gotta say, for someone who is new to the "soon-to-be-married" club, you are loaded with perspective and understanding. The "Expert" plaque will be hanging on your wall in no time.

Anonymous

Thanks good sir.... Much appreciated... See you in the funny papers. LOL