Can a Single Father Do It On His Own?

Single fathers don’t get enough PR. When it comes to parenting most people only think about the mother. Very rarely are a father’s contributions to rearing a child given most light, especially a single father.

Now, that’s not to say that a man doing what he’s supposed to do for his children deserves more praise than the millions of women the world over that do the exact same thing because it is his job too, but oftentimes (Black) fathers are painted as “deadbeats.” That’s not the case with my boy Khalid, who is one of the most dedicated fathers I know to his twin daughters, Aniya and Kayla. Last week, on their eighth birthday, he sent out an impassioned email about how it’s taken a village to help raise his children that I wanted to share with y’all:

Steve Jobs, 56, founder of Apple Computers died this past Wednesday, and while devastating, an even more profound impact is the gaping hole he has left in the world where his ideas, passion and innovation once flourished. The planet lost an amazing visionary that literally changed people's lives here in the United States and across the globe! This recent event led me to reflect on my own life, and on how influential one person, one idea can be to countless others. How just a SPARK of hope, an IGNITION of creativity can gift thousands, or even millions of others the permission to challenge and embrace the limitless possibilities for what they can do with their lives.

It occurred to me that Steve Jobs’ influence might never be matched. Steve Jobs reached continents and touched millions with his thoughts and ideas many of us may never rival that impact—but many will never have to. It is my firm belief that raising a child and pouring in your emotion, your thoughts, your lessons, your ideas, yourself is one of the most impactful things anyone, anywhere can accomplish. One idea, one spark in a child's mind can shape the adult they grow to be. As a parent I know and respect the power I have in who I am helping to create in the world. I am not Steve Jobs, but I can achieve Steve Jobs’ influence on others.

Which brings me to the reason for this email, just like Steve Jobs, my accomplishments have been aided by the contributions of countless others both large and small. I have and will never take full credit for raising [my twin daughters] Aniya and Kayla, I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child and since I have two I have a small town behind me: YOU. On October 7th I celebrate[d] my daughters' birthday, my own anniversary as a parent as well and I want to take the opportunity to acknowledge the people who have helped Aniya, Kayla and their dad get to this point.

So if you have ever given me money, asked to babysit, sent a gift, let me vent, kept me from losing my mind, helped me buy groceries, let me and the girls eat for free, bought clothes, sent an email with a cool place to go on the weekend, answered a question about the girls' hair, or just genuinely shown concern for Aniya and Kayla's well-being then you are part of my village. And if you have never once asked about my daughters but have helped me sustain myself, emotional, mentally, physically or financially then you have made sure Aniya and Kayla has a father who is always at 100% for them, so you are also a part of my village.

This list changes every year but its importance remains stagnate. I have been a parent for eight years today and I'm still standing!! So to my town: THANK YOU!!! And happy birthday!!!

Khalid

Do you think that single fathers don’t get enough credit? Should they even get credit for doing what they should be doing anyway? Is it surprising to hear of a father being so involved in his daughters’ lives when he’s not with the mother? Could you imagine raising twins on your own? Do you believe we’ve lost that it-takes-a-village-to-raise-a-child sentiment? For the single mothers/fathers, who has helped you mange parenthood over the years? How often do you thank those people for their contributions no matter how small? What are you thoughts on the passing of Steve Jobs and what his legacy will be?

Speak your piece…