Should Women Really Follow Steve Harvey’s 90-Day Rule?

0 Posted by - April 26, 2012 - Naked Radio Show, Relationships, Love & Marriage

[dc]A[/dc]fter Think Like a Man pulled in over $30 million at the box office in its opening weekend, it’s only right that we dissect the chapters of Steve Harvey’s best-selling book turned blockbuster movie. Namely, we tackle the 90-day rule that instructs women to wait at least 90 days before sleeping with a man for the first time to determine whether or not he likes her or what’s between her legs. Along with an official NWSO review of the film, we tackle other related topics like how men deal with rejection and how much money a single man wastes on dating. After tackling a Dear NWSO from a woman who questions whether the father of her three kids will ever want more than just sex from her, we dig into the lack of real privacy in a world dominated by social media and how Deion and Pilar Sanders’ marriage led to domestic violence. It’s a mixed bag of good conversation.

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  • Full Time Sexy Man

    I would never wait 90 days to have sex with a woman and focus my entire energy on someone, whom is playing so hard to get. It’s way to long and becomes boring. I would simply move on and find another girl. I guess that might work with guys, who lack women in their life.

    My opinion is, if she is sexually attracted to me then she also wants to have sex, so why not do it? It’s a known fact that women want so much or more than guys. Although society makes a good work in disguising them, as pure and innocent angels lol.

    Anyway thanks.

    • Anonymous

      Is waiting to get to know someone really “playing hard to get?” I mean, if you only see someone on the weekend 90 days works out average about 12 dates, is that really that long to wait for some buns when you think about it? Sounds like the focus is mor eon getting the cookie than getting to know the baker, that’s just me. 

      To your point, yes, if two consenting adults want to do it in 90 minutes, days or years that’s on them. Just be safe

    • MPA13

      I am a prime example of a woman that is supportive of the 90 day rule.  My fiance and I have been together a year and we waited 5 months.  The best thing that he recalls is the anticipation of what was to come.  From the moment we met, I filled our dates/time together with activities, so there was NEVER a bored moment.  From wine tastings, to art shows to weekend getaways and concerts, we made good use of our time and we did this because we realized in each other that we were investing in each other. 

      Now don’t get me wrong, we still had our fun and were very intimate and learned about each others bodies, but NOTHING compares to connecting mentally, emotionally and then physically with someone you know like the back of your hand.  Every time we think back to those months, he always tells me how much he respects me for making him wait and how much better our relationship is because of that initial period of just getting to know one another.

      If you can sleep with someone after barely knowing anything about them, their family, how they keep their home, whether he/she can cook, clean, is intelligent, worldly…then maybe you’re not looking for a potential mate/life partner, but if it works for you, then by all means continue to do you…and the chick you just met at the bar, IJS


        BRAVO….WELL SAID my friend. For me after years in my 20’s of having sex after a few dates, i look at all the things men say, how they treated me, and I compare to the ones who I waited. BIG Difference. I am looking for a potential partner, not someone to have sex with. SEX bores me.

        Making love excites me… and that can only be done with a person, that you took the time to connect with mentally, emotionally before getting physical.

  • Coco Black

    I do believe waiting 3 months is excessive!!..not only would the guy be either looking elsewhere, he’d also be getting it elsewhere!

    For me…I need to get to know the person so that’s the key point for me.  I’ll admit I did ‘go there’ pretty early just the once, and it resulted in a year long relationship but every other time it’s been a good 6 – 8 weeks. Some may think that’s long but it works for me!


      IF he l.ooks somewhere else, he never wanted or liked you to begin with.. When he looked at you, he saw you as someone to have sex with. For men sex is just physical, they do not connect it with emotions like woman. .So for men they dont care, because that is what they want… However, if a woman shows up, with high standards, and value her body as precious (as it should be) that woman will eran his respect and eventually his love, and his interest.. HE WILL WAIT FOR HER. I am proof.

      Every man that has become my boyfriend, I waited between 4 – 8 months to go to bed with them…. every single one of them, fell in love with me in a short period of time, 2 of them proposed within a few months…Men place high value on women who don’t just give it a way…

      A man who says it does not matter, sees you as an opportunity to get some..A woman who says it does not matter, is not confident that she can hold a mans interest or attention without having sex. Be you…Men are looking for a challenge.

  • Nicole M. Peters

    While I too feel that 90 days is excessive, especially in our society, I do find a point in waiting a while for what you want from this person.  If he is not going to be long term in your life and you just want some fun then have some fun.  I there is a priority of something more with this person, then explain that you would like time to get to know him (but not 90 days) 

    While Steve Harvey tries to make the point that at your job you have to wait 90days for the probationary period to start, please also note (for the sake of his analogy) that you have just started that job that you obviously NEED. Nobody is needs to be in your life that you have to make probationary. 


      YES Absolutely, if you are looking for fun then…do what you want..have sex at the dinner table or in the bathroom on the first date. However, if you are a woman or man of a particular age, and having a life partner, girlfriend, or meeting that someone special to commit to…then you must allow time to get to know the person…that takes time, 3 month, 2 months, 5 months who knows..I personally wait to have sex, with the men that i want to have a relationship with

      If I dont care for a relationship, then I will have sex when ever, and could care less if they call after, as all I wanted was just dinner, conversation, and sex.

      If I meet someone and I want it become long term, I set certain rules and standards for myself, that will double my chances of it turning into a relationship.

  • verus rex

    waiting 90 days is cool but you should at least wait until the std blood test comes back. So that’s a min of 2 weeks before you should get it in

  • jaclynsd

    You read these books for info and another’s point of view. I
    personally don’t think its meant to be taken literally and follow word for
    word. I read the book and it was fine it’s like what a father would tell his
    daughter or niece. Some of the points where fine but others weren’t realistic
    to all women.

    A woman should sleep with a man when SHE’s ready, feels
    comfortable, and doesn’t care about the outcome, and that can happen after 90days
    or the 1st date…depending on the woman. I dated a guy for longer
    than 90 days and didn’t feel the need to sleep w/him because I just wasn’t ready
    (he wasn’t the right guy) and I’ve slept w/a guy before 90days because hey I
    WAS READY. Its not when a woman decides to sleep w/a man that matters but why. When
    she does It should be done because she feels ready and is coming from a place
    of independence and strength, and not because so many days/dates have gone by.
    I know loving and happy couples who slept together on the first date and others
    who waited longer. At the end of the day you fall in love w/the person…I’ve
    never heard any of these couples say…well you know because she made me wait
    such and such time before she slept w/me.

    If women really want a book into the male mind they should

    ‘The Manual’ by Steve Santagati.  

    This book is more realistic (raw) and
    what a real guy friend would advice you on.


    ‘Think Like A Man’

    More like what a father would tell
    his daughter…bit sugar coated for her protection. That father being a man who
    (sorry to say) cheated on his wife and left her for another. Steve Harvey isn’t
    exactly an expert on relationships. So just take it with a grain of salt.

  • AllenIverson100

    If a girl is truly interested its more like the 90 second rule. The next few hours are spent maneuvering the guy into the bedroom or other convent private location. Guys that are not interested in whats between her legs are usually gay, by definition they are not interested.

    Single men really do waste way too much money on women. Spending money on her to get her interested, I think this is more a form of prostitution than dating. Guys should do some simple cost analysis and find the best bang for the buck and stop wasting there hard earned earnings.
    I have seen plenty of women who do that protracted drawn out dating thing, this is always done with guys they have no real interest in.

  • gmLady

    I don’t believe withholding sex equates to finding a life partner. It is quite possible to read someone, observe his lifestyle, listen what what comes out of his mouth, and then determine that this is NOT the quality of person you want to marry–so what’s the point in waiting 90 days? I might have been ass backwards, but i believe that (safe) sex is another form of expression for me, so if I was physically attracted to a guy, then I had no problem having sex on the first day (not date)–I’ve had great relationships that evolved from my theory. As far as dating, with money comes control, so I always, always either split the check with the guy or insisted that we paid for our own meals, and I’d drive my own car so that he did not have knowledge of my address. I believe a woman protecting herself, emotionally, is way more important than sex–and for those of you who say that sex is emotional attachment that’s an entirely different post. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years now, and I had sex with him before an official “date” and well within 2 weeks of first meeting him.

  • Enid Wilson

    Ah ha, there are so many rules in life! I don’t think we need a “when should I sleep with a man” rule. Just do it, when you feel like it…

    The Spinster’s Vow


    • RULES

      if we all go around doing things because we feel like it, what would happen to civilization. For everything you do there are rules and regulations. If you have a Job…your employer has rules, to get in to college..there are procedures to follow…if you are a parent, there are rules and regulations as to how you parent your child…relationships are the same… PERIOD

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  • Rastaman

    I am going to agree with jaclynsd, that a woman should get intimate with a man when she feels comfortable.   She could just be interested in sex so why would she want to wait 90 days to fill a physical need.  I am no fan of folks like Steve Harvey but they would not garner so much attention if a need did not exist.  It is obvious that there are a lot of women whose bad experience with men and relationships have forced them to seek relationship advice from a comedian/radio personality.  As any succesful entrepenuer will tell you: identify a need then fill it is the secret to success.  

    People who are interested in establishing a relationship should generally take their time to become intimate but understand that intimacy is not limited to sex.  Intimacy is both physical and emotional but only one factor in a relationship.   Because even when you are intimate you have to still put in the time to build that relationship by learning how to accomodate each others’ wants, needs and desires.   Contrary to movies, no one can build a real relationship under 2 hours.  
    Spending a lot of money is not important to date succesfully.  Any man who thinks that is necessary to appeal to women are either severely lacking in personality and charisma or they are dating the wrong kind of women.   If you have to buy her interest then it probably is not genuine.  Men get caught up in those games because they are lazy and when you are lazy it will always cost you more.  

    Rejection bothers everyone male or female. 


      bunch of BS. You all know that when you sleep with a man too soon, 99.9% of the time. The relationship goes no where after that. Because you never had a relationship to begin with. He is not telling you to WAIT exactly 90 days. He is saying “that if you are looking for a relationship, to get married, or just a significant other…then you should take some time to get to know that person, build some type of a relationship etc…before jumping in to sex. PERIOD. And that takes time…hence the 90 days…that is pretty short if you ask me.

  • Yours Truly

    Sex before marriage is a NO NO!!

    • thomas

      How about if you NEVER get married???omas

      • Anonymous

        Then you cant have sex. It’s reserved for married couples.

  • guestt(:

    if a man is not going to wait 60 to 90 days for you ( think about 3 months compared to a lifetime and how short it actually is) but i mean sexually a long time buuuut honestly if u arent willing to put in the time for my goodies then you dont deserve it i need a more patient man and if ur gone before then than THANK GOD kuz i dont want you to devalue me like that anyway. but this is talking about someone whom i am interested in for more than sex…dating and love etc. (:

  • Claire Murry

    I tink wen it feels right you should do it :)

    i wait 1-8 weeks it depends on the connection

  • Anonymous

    People should wait as long as they want to. I’m not for these arbitrary numbers. For people who purport to be independent thinking adults, there’s way too much advice-seeking. What happened to making your own decision?

    I think it all stems from a lack of confidence. People should feel confident in their sexual choices and desires and leave all the noise for the peanut gallery.

  • wunhunnit

    I’m will not wait 90 days to sleep with no woman. I would view that as playing games. I should have to wait to pass some 90 mark to have sex with you. What if I wait, and put in all this time, and we decide that we’re not going to work out. It doesn’t have to happen the first night; although i will make an attempt, but im not waiting 90 days. I’m not even waiting 3 weeks.

  • Khalid

    Bottom line, if you want a committed man your best chance is to get someone who will be your husband and a father to your children. I said best chance, I didn’t say it would be perfect. If you open your legs and then ask for comittment later its your own damn faults. Respect yourself and make him put a ring on it BEFORE you put that thing on it. I put one on mine :)