Why Being Single & Childless Over 30 Does NOT Mean You’re Gay

0 Posted by - February 6, 2013 - Uncategorized

[dc]M[/dc]y 2013 has started off on a pretty good foot thus far. I flew a plane, celebrated my first year of marriage and landed my first cover story for JET magazine. The subject was none other than Afro Cuban actor Laz Alonso (Jumping the Broom, Fast & Furious, Avatar, etc.). Although he and I didn’t meet face-to-face, during the course of our two phone conversations I got the sense that Laz is a real down-to-earth guy without any of the pretentiousness often associated with Hollywood types. Click here for a snippet of the interview but be sure to pick up a copy BEFORE the issue goes off newsstands this Sunday, February 10, 2013. #ShamelessPlug

Leading into Valentine’s Day, the interview revolved around Laz’s love life and he kept it very real.

Laz On Being Labeled a Heartthrob:

“I don’t take it too seriously because looks fade. We all are going to get older and that whole heartthrob label will go to someone else… Regardless of how you look, the way you make a person feel, that’s eternal.”

Laz On Relationships:

“When dating somebody, I like to see them laugh and make the times we spend together more fun than they could ever imagine.”

Laz On Fatherhood:

“I want kids— just not out of wedlock… Because my father died when I was young, I’m extra cautious about not creating a single-parent home.”

At 38 years young and in the prime of his life, Laz is the ideal eligible bachelor. While his ability to be over 30 with no kids and expressing a desire to be married—one day—should make even more women swoon, I had no idea it’d actually result in questions about his sexuality. WTH!

I was trolling the Web the other day and saw that Necole Bitchie had shown some love to my JET cover story on Laz. As I scrolled through the comments section, though, there were a handful of remarks that gave me reason to pause.

“Y’all don’t think it’s strange he’s still single at 38? It’d be one thing if he were married before, but single at 38 no kids, no ex-wife?”

“I know there is such thing as being picky and not rushing. But if a man is seriously a family man and down-to-earth serious dating man he ain’t going to be damn near 50 years old talking this yang… He come up to me, I’m walking the OTHER WAY. Something is wrong with this picture.”

I agree with that final comment, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Laz; it’s the mentality of the reader in question that troubles me. I mean, why is it so hard to believe that a man can be A) 38 and still single, B) not have any kids and C) not be gay because of A and B? This is all just a perfect example of what’s wrong with today’s society.

Some of us have made the mistake of thinking that having kids out of wedlock or before 30 is the norm. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that anyone who does have children without a ring on their finger or got an “early start” on parenthood is wrong for doing so, but neither is someone who does the complete opposite. I may have made it to my mid-30s without baring any offspring, but even being married the past year I’m in no rush to have kids. Why? Because I’m not ready. That’s my right just as it’s Laz’s.

Again, I’m not saying that everyone has to wait until they’re married to start a family, but have we as a people forgotten that that’s still an option? Back when I was single (and even now that I’m married), people hear certain ages and assume that there must be a kid or two in tow. Sorry to disappoint but I’ve heard of condoms and common sense and use them equally in abundance. Sadly, it appears more people can’t say the same.

I for one commend Laz on not only having morals but the personal conviction to stick to them. While I’m sure he’s playing the field with the best of them, but based on his outlook on relationships, marriage and fatherhood his reliance on his moral compass will more than pay off in the end with a happy wife and family. Besides, I’m sure the applications for came flooding in once women read that JET cover story.

#ShamelessPlug #Again


  • Stanley Dada

    That’s probably why 30 something women always say *there are no good men left*. Because in their head a man cannot really be that good past a certain age.

  • http://twitter.com/TexanInStLouis ? Mary D-S ?

    Good for him. He will marry a much younger woman – which is also his choice. Maybe that’s REALLY what women are mad about. The longer he waits, the less their chances. His wife may still be in elementary school! ????

    • dom

      Thats the dumbest sh8t ive heard. Ignorant black women like you are an embarassment.

      • http://twitter.com/TexanInStLouis ? Mary D-S ?

        The older a woman gets the less her chances of bearing children. If a man wants children and waits til he is 50 to have them what woman in his age range is still in child bearing years? He will have to find a younger woman.

        Dom, you are an ignorant dummy if you don’t know this.

  • Deka

    One thing folks never consider is looking at relationships during time periods. The game has changed present times. American women tend to become more independent and what I’ve noticed is no one is having kids and married at 16 anymore. Those days are over and hello inflation! Think about it, women approaching 40 wanting kids are in a tough place. Career choices and education come first. word of advice to women under 30. planning love and kids in a timeline is a gamble of course. Decide what’s important to you. Career or family.

    • http://twitter.com/Jess1908Esq Jessica Yarbrough

      Deka. I agree. Times have changed. But my Christian faith convinces me that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can ask or think. So, I don’t think we have to choose career OR family. We just have to allow God to bring the right mate into our lives whether there is a career or not. When He does that, everything falls into place….

  • Nyota Vargas

    “I want kids— just not out of wedlock… Because my father died when I was young, I’m extra cautious about not creating a single-parent home.”

    Bravo bravo. This man could have 5 kids by 5 different women and that would be a complaint for some also, I applaud him for not bringing chaos and drama into his life by having children out of wedlock. HE HAS MORALS. Something wrong with that? Hardly if more people did….

    I was with my ex for i think 8 years before we had a family, our sticking point was not being married and even though marriage is not a guarantee we waited until we were on the same page.

  • Nyota Vargas

    Anselmo congrats to you on one year of marriage, wow its been that long? and the Jet magazine story. Awesome!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks sis :)

  • Rastaman

    Congrats Sir on your first of
    many JET covers. Big it Up!!

    Those criticism or not new and
    like you noted it speaks to the mentality of the commentator, I and many of my
    peers who are older and have managed to get through life without a baby mama
    have heard it all before. Funny thing is I know more than a few gay men who
    have had ex-wives and/or baby mamas. Truth be told, too many of us have
    internalized the negative viewpoints that are said about our people as
    characteristics of our people. All black men are not bent on re-populating the
    world or having children without the benefit of a marriage or a family.

    I may be an oddity but most of my
    close friends with children are married with children. The 2 who aren’t are
    actually very involved in their children’s lives. One in particular even
    considered re-visiting a relationship with the mother of his daughter with an
    eye to marriage because he was concerned about how far away she was growing up,
    his daughter is now an adult of voting age. These men are all black men, family
    men. Have they in their past dated many women, yes but they were not out here
    accumulating baby mamas or ex-wives just to prove they were not gay. Who does that?

    There is a certain type of woman
    who thinks negatively of men of a certain age who choose to not drop their seed
    willy-nilly. I always made a conscious
    attempt to avoid them because their motives are suspect in my book.

  • lboogie

    Mentalities today…can’t make this stuff up!

  • Coco black

    It’s not an issue for me….when you reach that age with no kids a lot of thought has gone into that, for which I have nothing but respect.

    I’m currently dating and it’s rare to come across black men in their 30’s without kids and since we have gone on a date..these guys aren’t with the mothers of their children…well, they said they were. I had a date last week where a guy was just criticising his ex over how his daughter was being raised….there’s always two sides to a story, I found it very off putting.

    But no I do not see a black man in their 30’s without kids as bring gay…I salute them!!

  • Jaclynsd (now in LA)

    You just cant win can you?! First, because there are no good men, and they have baby mamas, and a kid here and there. Now a man, a good man, decides to do the right thing and he’s gay and has problems.

    I thought it was only women that were talked about now I see that it is the same for men. Good for him tough. Its always nice to have a very very sexy example of a good man :)

  • I’m Just Sayin’

    Some people have nothing better to do than stand in judgment of others. I’ve been told by a dear friend that he has been secretly dating men but who cares. If that’s the life that he desires, that is his choice. Straight or Gay, he is a successful black man who is doing his thing.

  • Derevaun

    I’m 30. The fact that I’ve never been married and don’t have children seems to be attractive to females. shrug.

  • KTGuns

    I do not believe anything is wrong with men or women who are well in their 30’s or 40’s, single and childless who have never been married. If I could do it all over again, I probably would be unmarried/single and childless. For an African American man in America that’s not rare. Well it should not be for men or women period. Unfortunately, that is the sex driven society we live in. SEX SELLS! What is a shame to admit and say is not rare is premarital sex; in other words fornication, adultery resulting in single-parent homes. I am a single mother by choice. I did not want to continue the relationship of struggle with my son’s father. So for that reason, I am raising my son by myself. Here’s where I am with men in Hollywood. African male actors to be specific…. When they get involved with a woman and eventually marry; usually she is not black. For some reason, most men are attracted to white, Latina or Filipino women.

    I am attractive and educated. Life has had its grip on me but I’ve survived. Like Laz or any down to earth man, I enjoy karaoke, roller skating, biking, and just recently enjoyed camping. My faith and family are my life. If Laz is really looking then he should come my way. I am not rich. I just enjoy FUN, LOVE, LIVING AND LAUGHTER! This is not a PSA. Expressing my views and sharing my opinions.

    I respect any man or woman who can openly admit they are not ready for kids, they are not ready for marriage or they choose not to marry right now. That speaks volumes on several levels. I immensely thank Mr. Alonso for admitting he does not want a child out of wedlock. All men and women need to be self conscious and make that commitment too. If I could, I most definitely would make that choice. 3L4lfe- LIVE-LAUGH-LOVE 4 Life!

    FYI- If Mr. Laz Alonso is ever in the H-town area. I go hard at karaoke! <– That is a PSA! God Bless.

  • Tanika

    Clearly, it does not mean that a childless person over the age of 30 years is NOT a homosexual.

    The parent thing really doesn’t have much too do with sexual orientation–other than the conception part of it.

    Neither does sagging pants, but that’s a whole ‘nother discussion.